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From dfox@fc.net Sat Jan 21 05:21:03 1995
Received: from freeside.fc.net (freeside.fc.net [198.6.198.2]) by bigboote.WPI.EDU (8.6.9/8.6) with ESMTP id FAA14695 for <mikecap@wpi.edu>; Sat, 21 Jan 1995 05:21:01 -0500
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Date: Sat, 21 Jan 1995 04:18:04 -0600
From: Malik Al-Rashim <dfox@fc.net>
Message-Id: <199501211018.EAA25573@freeside.fc.net>
To: mikecap@wpi.edu
Subject: JAUC-File9
Status: O
REVIEW OF SLIPKNOT 1.0
By Scott Davis, Editor (dfox@fc.net)
SLIPKNOT 1.00 By Peter Brooks.
Tested version 1.00 on a Dell 466/XPS
16 meg of RAM, Windows for Workgroups
#9 GXE 64 Pro video card (2 Meg Vram)
Boca 28.8 Vfast external modem
On December 23, 1994, I contacted Felix Kramer (felix@panix.com) to let
him know that I would be happy to run his article/promotion for the
software called 'SlipKnot'. At that time, he asked me to ftp the
software and test it out, and follow up with a review of the software
in this issue of the magazine. So, here it is...
The software was designed by Peter Brooks. SlipKnot is a graphical
World-Wide-Web browser for PC users running Windows 3.1+ or a higher level
of Windows. It is designed for modem users with ordinary dial-up UNIX
shell accounts. It does NOT require SLIP or PPP or TCP/IP services in any
form (no TIA or remosock, etc. if you are familiar with these products).
The system requirements are Windows 3.1, Windows for Workgroups or
higher, running in 386 Enhanced Mode (SlipKnot cannot be used on 286
processors). Not yet tested with Windows NT. You must have at least
4 MB of memory, recommended 8MB. We have noticed memory deficiency
errors at 4 MB. Also, at least 2 MB of available hard disk space is
required. SlipKnot itself takes approx. 1.5 MB. When working, SlipKnot's
job will be to download documents for you from the Internet, and these
may require plenty of hard disk space. Mouse or other pointing device
required (cannot control SlipKnot via only the keyboard).
Your UNIX system must have either the program "lynx" (version 2.2 or
later) or the program "www" available. If in doubt, log in to your
host, and try to execute either of these programs. You will then know
immediately whether they are available. To find the version of lynx on
your UNIX host, execute the UNIX command: "lynx -version".
Your UNIX host must have a program to send files to you via either the
Xmodem or Ymodem protocol. The actual name of the programs that perform
these file transfers changes from system to system, but try the commands
"sx" (for XModem) or "sb" (for YModem). If these fail, ask your system
administrator or some other knowledgeable person. Likewise, you will
need to know the name of the UNIX program that will receive files from
your PC using Xmodem or Ymodem. Your UNIX system must be able to display
individual file sizes using the "ls -l filename" command. If "ls" has
been renamed or works differently from normal, SlipKnot will fail.
SlipKnot was created because, at that time, there was no other alternative
to accessing the World Wide Web graphically if you did not have SLIP or
PPP or TCP/IP access. Having analyzed Mosaic and some of its competitors,
I concluded that all of these browsers were designed for people with very
rapid communications channels into the Internet, not modem users. Even if
you have SLIP access, most of these browsers do not allow you to save
entire documents (with the included pictures), forcing you to retrieve the
documents again whenever you wish to take a full look at them. It takes a
while to retrieve any document by modem with any browser, and you shouldn't
have to do this more than once.
Now the good stuff:
First of all, Slipknot is a fantastic idea. To be able to use the World
Wide Web and only requiring the end user to maintain a normal account
on his/her provider is great. This allows the user to have Web access
without paying those occasionally high rates for a SLIP or PPP connection.
I ftp'd the Slipknot software and installed it. I was very happy that
it installed without any problems.
Configuring the software was fairly painless. The biggest part was
taking the time to edit the login script for my service provider...
and that step is not even necessary since Slipknot allows you to
conduct manual logins of you so choose.
I was finally ready to dial out. Everything was working like a champ until
about 10 minutes into my session when my entire system locked up. I had
to do a complete shutdown and start over. No big deal, I thought.
I attempted again, as the 10 minutes that I did use it was a great
experience. I had never seen an application that could do WWW over a
normal user account. It connected perfectly and was working fine for
another few minutes...then it locked up again. I began to worry.
I noticed that both times it locked up I was accessing the Federal Bureau
Of Investigation home page (FBI). Maybe Slipknot was not compatible with
sites who promote the Clipper chip...Hahahaha. Not the case, unfortunately.
During the course of the day, it locked up at random. I tested my
computer hardware to see what the issue might be. There was no hardware
problem. My computer has never locked up on my under any circumstances
before.
I am not going to give this software a bad review because it locked up
on my system. I polled some users on the Internet regarding their
experiences with the software and here's what some of them said;
SLIPKNOT version 1.0 really works without a SLIP/PPP acct. In my case it
installed quite easily, with minimum tweaking (certainly less than to
install TIA). It opened the WWW to me. Next versions, should have FORMS
support. That is a must and is urgently needed, because many WWW pages
contain forms. Other than that, SLIPKNOT is highly recommended for a
low-budget approach to WWW. [one@netcom.com]
=========================================================================
I find it to be a an incredibly clever idea, and it works quite well
with direct dial. Some problems with images and sound via telnet/rlogin,
but not a big problem. The idea of being able to web-surf without SLIP
is very attractive, especially for the dial-up user as so many of us are.
With the "load images" turned off, it is much faster, and you can
selectively load them. but since it uses Lynx as its engine, why not use
Lynx for imageless surfing.
Speed: I compared it to my SLIP account with NCSA Mosaic and Netscape.
It loads images, etc. a bit slower than Mosaic and a lot slower than
Netscape.
Installation and Set up: simple, esp as compared to the fun you can have
installing say Netscape and all the winsockets stuff, and IP/DNS
configuring.
Look and Feel: I'd like a larger document window, but the pulldown menus,
etc. will make surfing easier for the newbies.
Overall - a nice, inexpensive alternative to SLIP/PPP, especially for
those fairly new to the net and like that point and click feel.
NB: another alternative for an "on the cheap" approach to the Web is The
Internet Adaptor -- I have it installed in my dial-up unix account, and it
is slick: it emulates SLIP, and works very well. I'm getting rid of my
SLIP account because I have TIA. If you have ever set up a SLIP, it is
pretty easy to install and set-up. If not, you'll spend some time. Cheap
too. - Jill Ellsworth <ellswort@tenet.edu>
=========================================================================
Very nice and easy to use developmental software. Web works well and the
terminal mode is functional and adequate for most users. everything
available from your Internet provider can be accessed, just as with a
full blown commercial package like ProCom, etc. Some limitations on
bells and whistles apply.
Inability to support ftp and gopher from within the html page is a
bother, but as development continues I hope Peter Brooks will be able to
add that capability.
Direct link to obtain upgrades and the automated upgrade installation
built into Slipknot is a neat touch.
I am currently using Version 1.00 and have sent in my registration fee
because I want to encourage continued development.
I really appreciated the opportunity to evaluate the fully functional
application. - Steve Seteroff (seteroff@kendaco.telebyte.com)
=========================================================================
You're a brave man to ask for opinions on the Internet!
I got SlipKnot right after it was released. It is a wonder. Last night I
got the latest version "g". I am so pleased. Peter Brooks and Felix
Kramer (?) have a winner on their hands. I had tried to install netscape,
tia, and winsockets about two weeks before I saw the announcement, and
failed. The only problems I had in the installation of SlipKnot were ones
anticipated in the help screens. (RTFM, dummy!) Peter Brooks was on the
newsnet answering questions almost 24 hours a day.
1. Easy to install.
2. Cheap.
3. Easy to use.
4. Fun!
And all this praise from a DOS command line freak. I told PBrooks in an
email that I hate Windoze and had been threatening my son to take it off
my computer (he uses my printer and MSWord). I complained to PBrooks that
now Brendan knew I wouldn't follow through on the threat. I have an
indispensable program that needs Windoze.
Now some cautionary notes. ... Sorry I don't have any reservations.
BTW, I am not Peter's mother, nor do I have any affiliation with anyone
associated with MicroMind (a moronic name...like, encephalitis, dude!).
If you have any particular questions, I would be glad to respond. My
guess, judging by the activity in WWW newsgroup, is that you'll have more
response than you can handle.
Good luck with the story. Happy holidays. (BTW I tipped off the LATimes
computer technology reporter and he just responded that he'd heard about
it. Here mosaic applications are bringing the Web to millions and it's
news, but a shell account enabler is ignored. Go figure.) Go SLIP not!
Mike Howard (mikeh@netcom.com)
=========================================================================
I think Peter has a good product. It is still in Beta Version. For
example I can not Down Load large files (over 19,456 Bytes). I am sure
Peter will find a fix but for now SK is for the experienced user.
John Hammond (jhammond@unicomp.net)
=========================================================================
I found it easy to install; unfortunately it crashes every time I try to
get something off the web and I must do a hard reboot - thus Dr.Watson
can save nothing, nor can slipknot's built-in debugger. I haven't yet
contacted the authors.
Bennett Price (bjprice@itsa.ucsf.edu)
=========================================================================
I have used SlipKnot for about six weeks and have come to rely on it for
an easy alternative to mistyped Unix commands. Since I work in a high
school that does not yet have Internet access, I foresee SlipKnot as a way
to hook the uninitiated into the 'Net. Teachers and administrators who are
not already convinced about the utility of the Internet would probably be
turned off by a Unix command line. Although downloading graphics through
SlipKnot is slow even at 14.4, for the inexperienced user, this wait time
is surely preferable to using a straight text-based Web browser.
While I approve of Version 1.0e as far as it goes, I can certainly suggest
a number of needed improvements:
1. gopher support
2. telnet support
3. forms support
4. better resource management (I run SlipKnot on a Pentium with 16 Mb of
RAM and yet often run low on GDI resources)
5. improved error handling when the 'Net is busy or a page cannot be found
6. automatic redial in the terminal mode (Maybe this can be done with a
script, but I could not see how.)
7. Z-modem or Y-modem batch transfer support in terminal mode.
Don't get me wrong. I like SlipKnot. Everything can be improved. I am sure
at Micromind. they are already at work (at least mentally) on these
suggestions.
Jeff Ratliff (tratliff@whale.st.usm.edu)
=========================================================================
I have found Slipknot to be a very worthwhile product. Its ease of
set-up is a definite plus. I downloaded Slipknot and had it installed
and running in a very short time. The installation instructions
addressed the few problems I had getting it running and then I was off --
surfing the Web. My main dislikes of the software are the small window
size and the ability to open only five documents at the same time. I
understand that these two complaints are being addressed by the next
version. If you don't have direct access (i.e. you connect through a
dial-up shell) and don't have a SLIP or PPP connection, Slipknot is
definitely worth it.
Kenyon Jon Michael (mkenyon@jove.acs.unt.edu)
=========================================================================
I've been using Slipknot for a while now, and I'm very glad it's
around. I think it's seriously necessary, because there are a huge
number of people who get their net.access through shell accounts, and
this allows you to get a fuller Web experience than with Lynx.
However, the program has it's problems, and there is a lot of
advancement that can be made in the future revisions. For example, forms
are not supported, so your Web use only goes one way; you can't reply
to things, write mail, make suggestions, etc., or for that matter, be
verified for logins like on HotWired. That's a huge pain.
Another problem is the inability to use gopher servers, something
that's still widely implemented and integrated with the Web. And, of
course, Slipknot is also a bit buggy; any errors, and the program quits
rather than moving on, it displays certain dialog boxes more than once in
a row, etc.
IOW, it's a good idea and good start for a much-needed program, but it
still needs work. However, with some more tweaking and advancement, it
will be a very solid program.
Bill Pena (billpena@genesis.nred.ma.us)
=========================================================================
I got (and paid) for Slipknot, and am currently running v1.0 with the
"g" patch. My host is a "pay" unix system that I call in to
get my mail on my "term" account. I am using the program on a
486 cryix 40mhz system.
The program is not perfect. It still has some bugs to work out, and
lots of features to be developed (forms, gopher, etc do not work at
this time). But!!! even with though the program is still in its early
stages of development, I find it VERY useful, and it DOES allow me
to view http documents with the graphics.
I get good 14400/v42bis connections via the automatic log-in script (that
must be user customized) and acceptable download speed of the http. With
the program running under Windows 3.1, it does take a moment to analyze
the downloaded text to "find" the embedded graphics, then download the
graphics, plot the series of files, then display the document.
With the program currently costing $30, the difference in the cost of my
term account and a slip/ppp account is a lot more than the cost of
Slipknot.
I use the internet for e-mail and netnews more than a place to surf just
to look at images. As such, my primary access to the net is via term with
a text editor for mail/news replies. When I want to check out some
http/url, I just hang up and call back via Slipknot. I don't use it all
the time, so when I need it, it is there for me.
Being shareware, it is perfect for the user to "play" with to determine
if he/she wants to continue to use it, prior to paying for the program...
and even with its limitations, it is still a deal at $30. and with the
authors still working on it, it is sure to get better and better.
Tom Stangler (stangle@infi.net)
=========================================================================
It works as advertised. Last I checked, it doesn't do forms or telnet
connection links It has trouble handling some inline images.
Just like TIA, your provider can tell if you are using SlipKnot, and if
they wanted to, could ban it's use as going beyond the services provided
with your class of account. RCI doesn't have any restrictions on TIA or
SlipKnot...
Kevin Kadow (kadokev@rci.ripco.com)
=========================================================================
(Slipknot review continued...)
As you see, we have a wide range of comments here. I believe that most
people realize that it still a very young project and has not yet
attained it's full potential. If you will note, there was one other
person who replied to my request for comments who is having the same
problem I am having with system lock ups. I mailed the author of the
program and they are getting right on the issue.
The bottom line is that Slipknot is a great idea and a nice software
package. And with end users submitting comments, complaints, and other
information directly to the author or the press, the issues will be
worked out. I suggest that you keep an eye on Slipknot. It's really
going somewhere!
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
cDc GDU #18
By Swamp Ratte (sratte@phantom.com)
_ _
((___))
[ x x ] cDc communications
\ / Global Domination Update #18
(' ') November 1st, 1994
(U)
Est. 1986
NEW gnU new GnU nEW gNu neW gnu nEw GNU releases for November, 1994:
_________________________________/Text
Files\_________________________________
281: "Official cDc Press Release Concerning President Reagan" by Reid
Fleming. The Cult influences the international political climate of
opinion! We just want what we've got coming to us, mister.
282: "Argument" by Markian Gooley. Positivity and happy sunshine and
neato stuff.
283: "Possibilities" by Obscure Images. Once again, Oi brings the
linguistics for the nine deuce deuce. This one's got crazy subliminal
tapes and a hippy chick.
284: "Sanford's Calico" by James Cazamias. It's just like Disney's
_That Darn Cat!_, but different.
285: "Concise Guide to Forgetting How Much You Suck" by Jason Farnon.
Courtesy
of the cool _I Bleed For This?_ 'zine, here we go with a cDc edit/
distribution. Lots of practical advice to improve your standard of living.
286: "The Divine Masters" by Shriek Broomstraw. Particle physics and alien
overlords and why you should be concerned with all this. You should.
Really.
287: "Shotgun" by Swamp Ratte'. Never mind _Where's Waldo?_, where's the
shotgun? Oh my. Fills out this release's angst quota.
288: "Rejection Letter Blues" by Jeff Swanson. Some people just can't
appreciate good literature. Fun-eeEe.
289: "Can There Be Artificial Intelligence?" by Tequila Willy. Another
scholarly scab for you to pick at. That Willsie, what a smart guy.
290: "Bob Takes a Trip" by Special Agent Finerty. Bob's a mechanical dog
and he's NUTS. CRAZY. Watch out. Zany hi-jinx.
__________________________________/cDc
Gnuz\__________________________________
_ _
|\ /^\ /^\
/ / / @ )^ -| @ )^ - _
/ / 666 ( \/-^-^^| /--^-^-~
\o \ \ o \ / /@ )^ - _
| o| _ - _ \ / o /| /--^-^-~
/ / / O o ^ - / ( O |/ / /\
| o \__ _/ O o O o ( o \ o \ /_/@ |
\ o o o / |__ _ \\
\ o O \ O ( o - o / . ^ \S
- - \ o ) \ ( ) /(_ / /^
| / - _ - - \ \ -_ -- -
| / \ / \ | \ \.
/ | | \ | \
/_ \ / | \ / _ \
| \ - | \ -
"This low-go you've received is the image of the be east. Whatever
you do, do not hold this image in your write hand or receive its image by
foe-ton trance Miss-shun through your I balls into your mined full crane
he um or you've received the mark of the bee east. Stung, by buy bull
revel lay shun. Keep your clothes on and don't follow the be eastly bare
whoreds."
-Philip Heggie
--x X x--
New things? Yep. There's now a Usenet newsgroup for you to discuss the
All-Powerfulness of cDc. It's "alt.fan.cult-dead-cow" and if your
newsfeed isn't getting it, mail news@yersite and say, "GET WITH THE
PROGRAM, PAL! HUP HUP!"
Tell me about the time you were in the 7th grade and had to do a #2 really
bad and those blind special ed. kids were in the bathroom swinging their
canes around and saying bad words. You were SCARED, weren't you. HA!
The world is filled with WIMPS. You go to a large public restroom, into a
stall. All the other people in the stalls, you can see their feet. They
make no noise. They sit and wait and clutch their tiny little genitals in
FEAR. But I am NOT LIKE THEM. I MAKE MY DISGUSTING NOISES AS I PLEASE.
I clean up, I exit my stall, I wash my hands and I LEAVE. I AM DONE.
I AM RELIEVED. They remain, cowering, wishing they had the GUTS to CRAP
but they do not and their bowels TREMBLE with gasses. They are but
INSECTS because they cannot CRAP FREELY. LEARN FROM MY ACTIONS and you
too can be POWERFUL.
Lady Carolin is now running the Official cDc Internet Dumpster: ftp or
gopher to cascade.net for all the cDc stuff, all the time. Cascade.net
gets 'em first and fast. The secondary site is ftp.eff.org as usual.
The other day I finally got The Beatles' _Abbey Road_ album and this
"I Want You (She's So Heavy)" song is amazing. So I'm thinking, why
should I be concerned with this week's indie-certified alterna-wonder-
weenie when I DON'T EVEN HAVE A GOOD COPY OF BARRY MANILLOW'S "MANDY"?
MY 8-TRACK SUFFERS FROM EXTREME WOW AND FLUTTER.
HOW CAN I EVEN _THINK_ ABOUT JAWBREAKER WHEN MY JACKSON 5 COLLECTION IS
SADLY INCOMPLETE!!??
If your writings have CLASS and STYLE, we want 'em. Dig the address at the
bottom of this file, daddy-o.
"What's good for cDc is good for America." - President Calvin Coolidge
S. Ratte'
cDc/Editor and P|-|Ear13zz |_3@DeRrr
"We're into t-files for the groupies and money."
Middle finger for all.
Write to: cDc communications, P.O. Box 53011, Lubbock, TX 79453.
Internet: sratte@phantom.com.
cDc Global Domination Update #18-by Swamp Ratte'-"Hyperbole is our
business" Copyright (c) 1994 cDc communications. All Rights Reserved.
ALL FILES LEECHABLE *NOW* BY WWW/GOPHER/FTP FROM CASCADE.NET: pub/cDc/New
_ _
((___))
[ x x ] cDc communications
\ / Global Domination Update #19
(' ') December 1st, 1994
(U)
Est. 1986
NEW gnU new GnU nEW gNu neW gnu nEw GNU releases for December, 1994:
_________________________________/Text
Files\_________________________________
291-299: Nine Christmas/Holiday/Cold Arctic Wasteland-related stories.
Some are funny, some are disturbing, and some will make you VERY AWARE of
every single PORE on your NOSE.
* cDc - DOWN HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS (1994). Dolly Parton, Kenny Rogers,
Olivia Newton-John, Clint Black. Gather 'round the tree and enjoy a
rousing duet of Kenny and Olivia singing "Jingle Bell Rock" while Ms.
Parton gets drunk and embarrasses herself. Directed by Martin Scorsese.
(Drug Use, Adult Language, Graphic Violence, Strong Sexual Content).
__________________________________/cDc
Gnuz\__________________________________
"In their workshops, the elves toil under the oppressive eyes of the
redshirts. The Eskimos are all but extinct, and the dentists pull tooth
after whalebone tooth from the charred skulls of their remnants.
Oh, the twinkling blue Aryan eyes! There is blood on his cheeks!
He trains mighty legions in his impregnable northern fortress. The Lapps
have come to fear the sound of marching boots and jingling bells.
With his newest sleigh, he can strike any European city in under twenty
minutes.
Good children get a switch in their stocking. The bad ones disappear.
LONG LIVE THE FOURTH REICH!"
-Andrew Solberg
- x X x -
Conspicuous consumption of cDc products will fill the empty, gnawing
voids you may or may not feel in your life... which become all the more
apparent at ridiculous hours of the night as carbonated beverages
gradually wear away your stomach lining and ulcers work their own little
brand of magic.
Things to look forward to in 1995:
cDc #300 - Cow Beat #3: "Teen Idling on the Inphomashun Hi-Mom-I'm-on-TV-
way"
cDc FACK: "Frequently Anointed Cows are K-rad." Or something.
I could give you promises of Twinkies and a cool, like, Yaga t-shirt.
Will you be happy then? From here to eternity we will shop. We will shop
at The Mall and buy only the finest in fashions and Rage Against the
Toaster will provide the aural motivation. "Fuck you, Mom, I won't clean
my room like you tell me."
Go to HoHoCon and it'll be cool. Ramada Inn South. 1212 West Ben White
Blvd. Austin, Texas. Friday, December 30th through Sunday the 1st.
Shop! Shop! Do the booty hop! The leather store has a sale on biker
jackets, Harley accessories optional and in-stock. New tats shine with
gleaming disinfectant. Bright red-skinned jolly pierceings, and sparkling
sterling silver! On the tongue, through the lip. Susy's got a charming
new necklace, and Little Johnny has a delightful new nose ring! "Come over
here, Johnny, so Aunty Emma can see your newest hole."
Make new holes and fill 'em up.
As cDc stalks around, hunting the logical conclusions. Ho.
S. Ratte'
cDc/Editor and P|-|Ear13zz |_3@DeRrr
"We're into t-files for the groupies and money."
Middle finger for all.
Write to: cDc communications, P.O. Box 53011, Lubbock, TX 79453.
Internet: sratte@phantom.com.
_____________________________________________________________________________
cDc Global Domination Update #19-by Swamp Ratte'-"Hyperbole is our
business" Copyright (c) 1994 cDc communications. All Rights Reserved.
ALL FILES LEECHABLE *NOW* BY WWW/GOPHER/FTP FROM CASCADE.NET: pub/cDc/New
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
MY LETTER TO WIRED RE: WWW PAGE
[Editor's note: I mailed this to Wired...and they said that they would
print it in the February 1995 issue. We'll see]
By Scott Davis (dfox@fc.net)
Dear Wired,
I have taken it upon myself to do an informal poll regarding your
new WWW page on the Internet. I recall that not so long ago, the
Wired WWW page was a great thing. It was easy to use and contained
a wealth of information. Now, it appears that one must have some
type of psudo-government security clearance to get into this WWW page.
It is my guess that the purpose for having to enter one's name,
e-mail address, special-secret-multi-digit-code, and other requested
information is for the purpose of demographics. No matter the reason
behind all of this...IS IT WORTH IT? Please allow me to explain the
frustrations of some of the net-community.
In announcing my informal poll, I stated my opinion on the new WWW
page. It was not favorable to Wired. I asked others to mail me their
opinions also. I will edit some of these for brevity only. I assure
you that I did not receive a single good comment about the new page.
And from what I understand, it seems like that there was some debate
regarding the creation and operation of the HotWired page. One
net-denizen replied to me, "Three weeks ago Jane Metcalfe came to
UCDavis to talk about Hotwired and to give the first public demo of
it. She told us that they had debated for quite some time about how
to set it up--wanting a balance between looking 'friendly' and 'not
allowing anonymous logins'. Sounds like the balance has tipped a bit
further than she wanted, given commentary on the net."
Another frustrated user says, "I gave up after 2 go arounds with the
login problems. To bad as I liked to read the old hotwired. Oh well, at
least the magazine is still easy to open!"
Other comments from disgruntled users include "I am getting nowhere with
this new interface. Requiring usernames, passwords, verification codes,
etc, ad nauseum has not yet induced me to like this new Web page." and
"Everytime I try to send my Hotwired Account Verification, it goes into
an endless loop, with the Mosaic icon spinning endlessly. If this is a
problem with using the Windows Mosaic 2.0a7 browser, I suggest that Wired
get rid of the verification, because I'm not getting rid of Mosaic."
More graphic comments include "Looks like HotWired has become the living,
throbbing, thrashing (whatever other adverbs they like) pulse of a
self-important, jargon-speaking, head-up-someplace-where-it-is-very-dark
entity." and "...not to mention one that has security measures like NORAD!
People go to www.wired.com for one thing: BACK ISSUES OF WIRED. End of
story." And the be-all-end-all comment that fits this WWW page perfectly
came from an avid reader. He says "I'd have to say this new setup has
become TIRED before it was ever WIRED..."
In running a large operation such as Wired, you are going to get
complaints about "something" all the time. And as the best publications
of it's kind, I am sure that you address the issues as much as possible
...just as you have this one. And many of the complaints you receive
probably carry "less priority" than others. However I certainly hope
this does not fall into that category of "less priority". I could
understand if maybe 50 or 100 people complained. But over the past
several months, I have seen numerous people complain about the
procedures required to gain access to your WWW page.
When I first sent my rough draft of this article into Wired, I received
a polite response from Andrew Anker of Wired Magazine. He was very
informative and perhaps his response seemed 'typical' to me because I
failed to provide him with much of the necessary information that I had
collected in order to do this article. I certainly do appreciate his
response to our concerns. Mr. Anker replied, "...over 20,000 people have
logged into the HotWired since we launched last Thursday, so it's very
possible that the people you polled didn't read the text of the intro
pages into HotWired that explain that certain browsers don't work with
HotWired."
Giving Wired the benefit of the doubt and assuming that some browsers may
not work or could be outdated (which I now know to be true), my next step
was to get the latest copy of one of the more popular browsers and try
again. And once again, I ran into more problems. I was not about to
attempt to troubleshoot more problems with this WWW page. I had obtained
the proper hardware and software to accomplish the task. It was no longer
my problem. It's Wired's problem.
After this last-ditch attempt to prove ourselves wrong in theory and
technique, one of my close friends stated, "Why the hell are they trying
to make it so hard to get at? Are they experimenting with someone's
cockamamie scheme for the Web equivalent of pay-TV?"
It appears that many people are getting TIRED of this WWW page.
Many end users do not see the purpose of having to enter all this
information, and in the end, it causes nothing more than a headache
when it does not work. I certainly do not want people to think that
I am some 'Privacy Hound' who disagrees with the concept of entering
my personal information on some WWW page. My name, number and address
are of public record to anyone who wishes to dial 512-555-1212.
The fact is that I have spoken to several people who cannot seem
to get the interface to work. And I seriously doubt that each of them
have an ill-configured Moasic.
Of all the people and companies on the net with Web pages, I would
venture to assume that Wired, of all people would promote accessibility
and ease before subjecting it's users to a verification procedure that many
feel is lacking, to say the least. I might go so far as to suggest that
Wired might want to resort back to the good 'ole days and have a WWW page
that is easily accessible and easy to use. Including the page where you
are requesting that the user input information can still remain on the
WWW site, but make it optional, and don't make it the home page. You
can ask people to fill out the requested information. I am sure that
many, if not most would comply. And by switching back, you are opening
doors for people who may not want to update their software, or just want
access for a short time obtain specific information.
As far as updating browsing software, my theory is "if it's not broken,
don't fix it", and just because somebody can't get on Wired's page, does
not mean that their software is broken and should be updated.
I must be honest and admit that I did FINALLY gain access to HotWired.
Nut not until I had tried every "compatible" version of Mosaic and
finally was forced to upgrade to NetScape for the sole purpose of
getting on HotWired. Was all that necessary?
Please fix this problem by making Wired easier to access. We end users
have to jump through enough obstacles as it is, and there is no point
in having to do this to get our favorite magazine on our screen.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

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Date: Sat, 21 Jan 1995 05:18:54 -0600
From: Malik Al-Rashim <dfox@fc.net>
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To: mikecap@wpi.edu
Subject: JAUC-File10
Status: O
CALLER ID FAQ
By Padgett Peterson (padgett@tccslr.dnet.mmc.com)
Frequently Asked Questions About Caller-ID v1.1 Mar. 1994
1) What is Caller-ID ?
First ask "What is ANI"
2) OK, What is ANI ?
ANI or Automatic Number Identification is a mechanism by which the
different telephone companies determine what account is to be charged for
a call, This information is passed between Telcos and was originally
for billing purposes and predated both SS7 (Signaling System 7)
and (C)LASS (Local Area Signaling Services was the original AT&T
designations, the "C" was added by Bellcore after divesture) services
which make CNID or Calling Number IDentification as Caller-ID is more
properly known, possible.
Since the Telcos had ANI, the decision was made to make it available
to authorized parties such as 911 service and law enforcement agencies.
ANI is also used to let a Telco operator know who is calling.
More recently, ANI is used to report to 800 and 900 subscribers,
who made the calls they have received, in the first case so that
the 800 subscriber knows who the charge is for, and so that 900
number subscribers know who to charge.
Thus while ANI is similar to CALLER-ID and may provide the same
information, they are actually two different services and ANI information
is not necessarily the same as what will appear on a CALLER-ID display.
3) Now (maybe) what is Caller-ID ?
Caller-ID is a Telco offering that is a byproduct of (C)LASS services.
In this case, only those numbers reported by participating exchanges are
returned, exactly which are and which are not is currently (March 1994)
at the Telco's discretion.
The Federal Government has stated that it is their intent that nationwide
CNID be available by mid-1995. The full text of this decision may be
found FCC Report No. DC-2571 issued on March 8, 1994.
The biggest effect of the ruling is to mandate transport of CPN (customer
provided number) information between interconnecting networks eliminating
the effective inter-LATA-only limitation that exists today in most areas.
Currently there are two types of Caller-ID. The first (often referred
to as "basic" service) just returns the calling number or an error
message and the date/time of the call.
The second ("enhanced" Caller-ID) also may return the directory
information about the calling number. At a minimum, the name of the
subscriber is returned (the subscriber is not the same as the caller,
the phone company has no way to determine who is actually on the line).
4) How is the Caller-ID information provided ?
As a 1200 baud, 7 data bits, 1 stop bit data stream usually transmitted
following the first and before the second ring signal on the line. Note
that this is not a standard Bell 212 or CCITT v22 data format so a
standard modem will probably not be able to receive it. Further, the
serial information exists as such only from the recipient's switch to
the callee's location. Between carriers the signal exists as data packets.
The signal is provided before the circuit is complete: picking up the
receiver before the data stream is finished will stop/corrupt the
transmission.
Currently there are two types of information returned: a "short form"
which contains the date/time (telco and not local) of the call and the
calling number or error message. The "long form" will also contain the
name and possibly the address (directory information) of the calling phone.
The "short form" stream consists of a set of null values, followed
by a two byte prefix, followed by the DATE (Month/Day), TIME (24 hour
format), and number including area code in ASCII, followed by a 2s
compliment checksum. Most modems/caller id devices will format the data
but the raw stream looks like this :
0412303232383134333434303735353537373737xx
or (prefix)02281334407555777(checksum)
A formatted output would look like this:
Date - Feb 28
Time - 1:34 pm
Number - (407)555-7777
5) Can a Caller-ID signal be forged/altered ?
Since the signal is provided by the local Telco switch and the calling
party's line is not connected until after the phone is answered, generally
the signal cannot be altered from the distant end. Manipulation would
have to take place either at the switch or on the called party's line.
However, the foregoing applies only to a properly designed CNID unit.
For instance the Motorola M145447 chip has a "power down" option that
wakes the Chip up when the phone rings for just long enough to receive,
process, and deliver the CNID signal after which it shuts down until the
next call.
Should this option be disabled, the chip will be in a "listen always"
state and it is theoretically possible to "flood" a line making a
vulnerable box record successive erroneous numbers.
I have received a report of a device called "Presto Chango" that
can transmit an extra ADSI modem tone after the call has been picked up
that will cause a susceptible box to display the later information. It
was also reported to me that CNID boxes marketed by US-West as their
brand and made by CIDCO have been used to demonstrate the "Presto Chango"
box.
6) What is "ID Blocking" ?
Most Telco's providing Caller-ID have been required to also provide the
ability for a calling party to suppress the Caller-ID signal. Generally
this is done by pressing star-six-seven before making the call. In most
cases this will block the next call only however some Telcos have decided
to implement this in a bewildering array of methods. The best answer is
to contact the service provider and get an answer in writing.
Currently this is supplied as either by-call or by-line blocking. By-Call
is preferred since the caller must consciously block the transmission
on each call. By-Line blocking as currently implemented has the
disadvantage that the caller, without having a second caller-id equipped
line to use for checking, has no way of knowing if the last star-six-seven
toggled blocking on or off.
Note that blocking is provided by a "privacy" bit that is transmitted
along with the CNID information and so is still available to the Telco
switch, just not to the subscriber as a CNID signal. Consequently related
services such as call trace, call return, & call block may still work.
7) What happens if a call is forwarded ?
Generally, the number reported is that of the last phone to forward the
call. Again there are some Telco differences so use the same precaution
as in (6). If the forwarding is done by customer owned equipment there
is no way of telling but will probably be the last calling number.
Note that as specified, CNID is *supposed* to return the number of the
originating caller but this is at the mercy of all forwarding devices,
some of which may not be compliant.
8) What happens if I have two phone lines and a black box to do
the forwarding ?
If you have two phone lines or use a PBX with outdialing features, the
reported number will be that of the last line to dial. Currently there
is no way to tell a black box from a human holding two handsets together.
9) I called somebody from a company phone (555-1234) but their Caller-ID
device reported 555-1000.
Often a company with multiple trunks from the Telco and their own
switch will report a generic number for all of the trunks.
There is a defined protocol for PBXs to pass true CNID information on
outgoing lines but it will be a long time before all existing COT
(Customer Owned Telephone) equipment is upgraded to meet this standard
unless they have a reason to do so.
10) I run a BBS. How can I use Caller-ID to authenticate/log callers ?
There are two ways. The first utilizes a separate Caller-ID box
with a serial cable or an internal card. This sends the information
back to a PC which can then decide whether to answer the phone and what
device should respond. Some of these are available which can handle
multiple phone lines per card and multiple cards per PC.
The second (and most common) is for the capability to be built in a modem
or FAX/modem. While limited to a single line per modem, the information
can be transmitted through the normal COM port to a program that again
can decide whether or not to answer the phone and how. There is a
FreeWare Caller-ID ASP script for Procomm Plus v2.x available for FTP
from the Telecom archive. Most such software packages will also log each
call as it is received and the action taken.
Of course for true wizards, there are chips available (one of the first
was the Motorola MC145447) that can recognize the CNID signal and
transform it into a proper RS-232 (serial) signal.
11) How is security enhanced by using Caller-ID over a Call-Back
service or one-time-passwords for dial-up access ?
Caller-ID has one great advantage over any other mechanism for telephone
lines. It allows the customer to decide *before* picking up the receiver,
whether to answer the call.
Consider hackers, crackers, and phreaks. Their goal in life is to forcibly
penetrate electronic systems without permission (sounds like rape doesn't
it ?). They employ demon dialers and "finger hacking" to discover
responsive numbers, often checking every number in a 10,000 number
exchange.
If they get a response such as a modem tone, they have a target and
will often spend days or weeks trying every possible combination of codes
to get in. With Caller-ID answer selection, the miscreant will never
get to the modem tone in the first place, yet for an authorized number,
the tone will appear on the second ring. Previously the best solution
for dial-ups was to set the modem to answer on the sixth ring (ats0=6).
Few hackers will wait that long but it can also irritate customers.
12) What error messages will Caller-ID return ?
a) "Out of Area" - (Telco) the call came from outside the Telco's
service area and the Telco either has no available information or
has chosen not to return what information it has.
b) "Blocked" or "Private" - (Telco) the caller either has permanent
call blocking enabled or has dialed star-six-seven for this call. You do
not have to answer either.
c) "Buffer Full" - (device manufacturer) there are many Caller-ID devices
on the market and exactly how they have chosen to implement storage is up
to the manufacturer. This probably means that the divide has a limited
buffer space and the device is either losing the earliest call records or
has stopped recording new calls.
d) "Data Error" or "Data Error #x" - (device manufacturer) signal was
received that was substandard in some way or for which the checksum did
not match the contents.
e) "No Data Sent" - (device manufacturer) Signal was received consisting
entirely of nulls or with missing information but a proper checksum.
13) Why are so many people against Caller-ID ?
FUD - Fear, Uncertainty, & Doubt or 10,000,000 lemmings can't be wrong.
There were some justifiable concerns that some people (battered wives,
undercover policemen) might be endangered or subject to harassment
(doctors, lawyers, celebrities) by Caller-ID. As mentioned above there
are several legitimate ways to either block Caller-ID or to have it return
a different number. It is up to the caller. The advantage is that with
Caller-ID, for the first time, the called party has the same "right of
refusal".
Expect yet another Telco service (at a slight additional charge) to be
offered to return an office number for calls made from home. Crisis
centers could return the number of the local police station.
Compiled by Padgett Peterson. Constructive comments to:
padgett@tccslr.dnet.mmc.com Brickbats >nul.
Thanks for additional material to:
David J. Kovan
Robert Krten
John Levine
David G. Lewis
Karl Voss
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
THE PENTIUM BUG WAR ENDS AS WE KNOW IT
By James Baar and Theodore Baar
The real long-term significance of the Great Intel Pentium Flaw
Imbroglio is the imminent demise of the current practice of public
relations and corporate and government communications as we know them.
Ironically caught unaware of the communications world it helped create,
Intel suffered a public relations near-disaster. Intel's arch competitor,
IBM, wandered bubba-like into a public relations bog the future depths
of which are still to be determined.
Clearly we soon will see on the boneyard of history such communications
artifacts as:
--The lengthy, well-spun news release or official statement
explaining what "really" happened or why a product "really" is a
breakthrough for all mankind.
--The news conference where the news is that what the media said
yesterday or last week is "really" not the news at all.
--The necessity to convince rushed and often ill-informed
journalists and beautiful and much more ill-informed TV anchors that your
truth is "really" true.
The Internet is doing to public relations what CSPAN, CNN Forums
and talk radio are doing to news coverage: When you are there, the
messenger is extraneous. And, on the Internet, you are there and you are
the messenger as well..
The Pentium Flaw War was the first major corporate war to be fought
primarily in cyberspace. The initial, very scattered shots were fired
more than five months ago on the Internet; major engagements got underway
in October; and a worldwide battle raged through November and early
December.
Little of this was noted particularly in the general or trade media
until near the end. And then it was reported as a highly technical
problem of limited general interest. Only when IBM found it convenient
to drop the equivalent of a small nuclear weapon did most of the major
national media take note that something much more than an academic,
technically obscure brawl was underway.
Only then did the WALL STREET JOURNAL shout from it's front page:
Chip Shot
Computer Giants' War
Over Flaw in Pentium
Jolts the PC Industry
And, on the same day, the NEW YORK TIMES shouted from it's front page:
I.B.M. HALTS SALES
OF IT'S COMPUTERS
WITH FLAWED CHIP
Both stories were inspired belatedly by an IBM announcement that it was
suspending sales (sort of) of any of it's personal computers that included
the Intel Pentium chip because the chip had a flaw.
Well, ho-hum: Except for the IBM announcement, this was old news along
the Information Highway. And the IBM announcement was immediately
discounted by many of the veteran cyberspace combatants of the Pentium
War as highly suspect: something similar to Parliament coming out against
slavery in America after Lexington and Concord.
Most great military engagements begin quite casually if not accidentally:
A sniper picks off a poacher stealing a chicken. A nervous platoon leader
calls in a little artillery fire on a bunker. A lost company stumbles
on a tank column.
Back in June, Intel and some of it's customers already knew about the bug
that was preventing the new Pentium microprocessors to divide accurately
out to more than nine or 10 decimal places in some cases. Intel did not
publish the information. If any messages about the bug appeared here and
there in various newsgroups on the Internet for the next few months,
they initially attracted little attention.
This was not the kind of consumer problem that causes a lot of excitement
at your neighborhood 24-hour store. But this bug was of interest -- and
in some cases importance to parts of the world technical community
engaged in major mathematical calculations: This is a community that also
appreciates that such a flaw is not the first nor will be the last in
the increasing complexity of computer components and software; exalts
technical openness; recognizes quickly when it is being stonewalled; and
has a biting specialized sense of outrage and humor.
Prof. Thomas Nicely of Lynchburg College reports that when he began
running into a potential flaw in the Pentium in June he started a three
month effort to determine whether the problem was the Pentium or something
else. For example, his own calculations; or possibly known bugs in other
hardware such as the Borland C Compiler. And in Copenhagen mathematicians
developed a T-shirt satirizing the Intel chip logo "Intel Inside" as "No
Intelligence Inside" and published memos saying "We knew about it early
in June..."
Intel managed to downplay and contain word of the bug for the most part
through the next three months. Any callers were told at first that a fix
was underway and that the bug affected only very special situations.
Then, on Oct. 30, Dr. Nicely posted a message to "whom it may concern"
on the Internet, reporting his findings and his frustrations with getting
Intel to pay serious attention to him. In the succeeding weeks, the war
between Intel and it's users exploded. Each day there were more reports
about the bug and Intel's truculence.
The number of the strings of messages on the Internet increased and grew
longer as users at universities, laboratories and corporations around the
world reported the same bug and it's potential variations; discussed
their research for possibly more bugs; and reported on their
unsatisfactory and frustrating phone calls to Intel.
And here was where the war was really fought.
Intel treated each caller as an individual, linear event to be dealt with
in isolation; turned around or at least mollified. Intel's position was
that this was a routine bug that was being taken care of and was of no
major importance to most of it's customers. The Intel position essentially
remained that there was no need for a general replacement on demand; that
the problem was relatively minor; that if a user was engaged in the kind
of heavy mathematics that could be affected by the bug then Intel, if
it agreed, would replace a Pentium.
Meantime, Intel and it's commercial allies continued to promote and sell
Pentiums. More than four million Pentiums were reported sold.
The words "greedy" and "arrogance" became popular on the Internet among
customers describing Intel's position. The Internet discussion was highly
technical and profane. It also included useful suggestions for
broadening the discussion. For example, participants were provided
with the Fax number of the New York Times. And more and more of the
callers to Intel shared their mostly frustrating experiences on the
Internet with a worldwide audience of customers. An angry mob -- slowly
recognized as a major threat by Intel -- began to assemble in cyberspace
Intel CEO Andrew Grove issued a statement on the Internet Nov. 27 seeking
to quiet the mob. Instead the roar in cyberspace increased. Intel's
Software Lab Technology Lab Director Richard Wirt on Dec. 8 issued a
statement on the Internet describing Intel plans to provide a fix for the
flaw. The roar continued and spread and Intel's weakening protests were
increasingly drowned out as the users reinforced each other with new data
and complaints around the clock around the world.
It was at this point on Dec.12 that IBM -- a reported minor player in the
sale of Pentiums, but the developer of a competitive chip, the PowerPC --
decided to announce both on the Internet and to the major national media
the halting of it's shipments of Pentium-based IBM PCs.
The war was now spread to the major national media where the problem was
easily confused with various consumer product recalls and the Internet
where IBM's move was both discounted as self-serving and used
simultaneously to pummel Intel further.
By Dec. 20 Intel had had enough. It agreed to a general recall and
apologized for not doing so sooner.
The public relations lessons are clear.
People -- particularly customers -- are no longer isolated waiting to
learn sooner or later what is happening through the third party media
screen and, in turn, relying on the third party media to screen and
sooner or later report their reaction. Even when the third party media
is accurate this process can take many days.
Through the Internet, people -- particularly customers -- can tell a
corporation or organization exactly what they think and why and share that
simultaneously and instantaneously with all concerned around the world.
The Internet returns the world to the agora where everyone hears what was
said; and everyone hears all comments and reactions; everyone knows who
is talking and can make credibility judgments.
The first Intel error was not to spot the issue stirring on the Internet
months ago when the commentary was helpful and understanding. At that
time and for several months later, Internet commentators could have been
embraced and thanked for their efforts; immediate plans for a work-around
fix could have been disclosed; and work on a permanent fix could have
been described: all in cyberspace among sophisticated customers who well
understand the complex nature of the technology.
Intel's second error was not to recognize that because of the Internet it
no longer could reason at least semi-privately with customers and advance
rational technical arguments. In pre-cyberspace days, that could be
effective: the customer is grudgingly mollified until the issue is
eventually resolved. But in this case, as it's customers shared both
their problems and experiences with each other in real time, they fed
each others frustrations; were empowered as a group to demand better
treatment; and built mutual strength with each day for new battles to
come.
Intel's third error was not to go directly on line with it's customers and
deal with the issue interactively. Instead, Intel pursued the classic
static public relations mode of issuing statements and news releases.
These were turned into blackened ruins by Internet flame messages in a
matter of hours.
Meantime, IBM by it's announcement, uncorked the Law of Unanticipated
Consequences. The Internet mob really understood the issue; the general
public for the most part did not. IBM, with motives already under
suspicion, opened the bottle labeled "Doubt about Technology" to the
overall potential future detriment of the Information Technology Industry
in general.
As more people around the world join the millions already using the
Internet for communications, corporations and government will be forced
if they wish to succeed to function within the new realities of cyberspace:
information is shared and sifted by thousands of knowledgeable people;
time is collapsed; facts are quickly checked; loss of credibility can be
instantaneous; second chances are rare and harder to effect; grandstand
plays better be perfect; and the playing off of one audience against
another is far more easily detected.
Above all else, a smattering of obscure messages or even a random one or
two can no longer be automatically disregarded as mere technical mumbling.
For example, is anyone following up on a recent Internet potential bug
message regarding AMD DX-80 chips or another regarding "something about a
conditional loop" in the Pentium?
One final cyberspace reality of note: instant corrosive humor is abundant
and effective. (If they really are laughing about you, you can't be taken
seriously anymore.) This was ably demonstrated by the Internet author
who wrote for the delectation of Intel customers and potential customers
everywhere a Star Trek parody. He called it: "BBUUGGS IINN
SSPPAACCEE!!".
(This article is from a forthcoming issue of Knowledge Tools News, an
electronic newsletter of Omegacom, Inc. James Baar (jimbar@omegacom.com)
is president/managing consultant. Theodore Baar (tedbar@omegacom.com.)
is vice president/chief technologist.)
-----------
Copyright (c) 1994 Omegacom, Inc., all rights reserved. This article may
be posted to any USENET newsgroup, on-line service, or BBS as long as it
is posted in it's entirety and includes this copyright statement. All
other rights reserved. This article may not be included in commercial
collections or compilations without express permission from Omegacom,
Inc. jimbar@omegacom.com. For all other uses you must seek permission
of Omegacom, Inc. jimbar@omegacom.com
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT OF DR. NICELY
The following message was posted to the Internet by Dr. Thomas Nicely,
discover of the Pentium Floating Point Unit Flaw. The first part deals
with a question regarding Dr. Nicely's signing of a non-disclosure
agreement with Intel.
TO: Whomever It May Concern
FROM: Dr. Thomas R. Nicely, Lynchburg College, Lynchburg, Virginia
(nicely@acavax.lynchburg.edu)
RE: Pentium Bug and Intel NDA
DATE: 94.11.25.1400 EST
This is in reply to Paul Rubin's (phr@netcom.com) inquiry of 23 November.
* I signed a temporary nondisclosure agreement with Intel on 10 November.
* There was no coercion or threat of any kind, by either party.
* The NDA was signed in the course of discussions to determine
whether or not an agreement (such as a consultancy) could be reached
which would prove beneficial in the long term to myself, to the Intel
Corporation, and to my employer, Lynchburg College.
* From 10 November until 22 November, I deflected all inquiries regarding
the Pentium FPU to Intel's representatives. This was a consequence of
my own mistaken interpretation of the NDA; I was treating it in the
manner of a security clearance; I once held a clearance for secret
restricted data in X-division (nuclear weapon design and analysis)
at Los Alamos National Laboratory, and that clearance treated most
information concerned as "born secret," even if the information was
acquired prior to the clearance and/or independently. In the same
spirit, I removed from the College's VAX anonymous FTP directory
copies of the codes used to analyze the Pentium chip for the bug.
* After receiving some complaints in this regard, Intel (on its own
initiative) informed me on 22 November that I was free to discuss
publicly the discovery and nature of the Pentium FPU bug, since this was
my own work, accomplished prior to signing the NDA and without
assistance from Intel; and that the primary purpose of the NDA was to
insure confidentiality of information exchanged in the course of any
consulting I might do for Intel in the future.
* To this date, Intel has been most cooperative in alleviating difficulties
caused for my own research (computational number theory; distribution of
twin primes and other constellations, and the sums of their reciprocals)
by the presence of the bug. They have shipped replacement chips for the
CPUs in the machines I am using, and I have verified that the new chips
are free of the bug (zero errors in > 1e15 simulated random divisions).
* I cannot speak for Intel regarding its policies on CPU replacement for
Pentium systems having the bug; that is a management decision which
obviously must take into account the constraints of supply, inventory,
logistics, expense, and public relations. To date, I believe Intel has
handled the affair in essentially the manner that could usually be
expected of most businesses operating in a highly competitive, low-margin
capitalistic economy. Any Pentium owner who feels the need for a
replacement CPU should contact Intel Customer Service and Tech
Support at 800-628-8686, or Intel representative John Thompson at
408-765-1279.
* I probably have a somewhat different perspective on the bug than most
users. It is my opinion that the current generation of microprocessors
(and possibly all of them since, say, the 8080) has become so complex
that it is no longer possible to completely debug them, or even to
determine every bug that exists in one. Thus, the discovery of this
particular bug should not be any great surprise. There have been many
well-publicized bugs in the past (e.g., the 32-bit multiply bug in the
early 80386s, the arctangent bug in the early 80486s, the stack-handling
bug in the early 8088s, and the Motorola 68K revision F bug).
Furthermore, in view of this, all mission-critical computations should
be performed multiple times, in settings as independent as possible---
preferably with different CPUs, operating systems, and software
algorithms. Where different platforms are not available, the same
computation should be performed using algorithms as independent as
possible; this was in fact how I pinpointed the Pentium bug---the
sums of the reciprocals of the twin primes were being done in both
long double floating point (64 significant bits) and in extended
precision using arrays of integers (26 decimal digits at that time,
53 decimal digits currently). Dual calculations were also being run
on 486 and Pentium systems.
* Note that the bug can be temporarily circumvented by locking out
the FPU. For most DOS applications, this can be done by means of the
DOS commands SET 87=NO (for executables created by Borland compilers)
and SET NO87=NO87 (for executables created by Microsoft compilers).
Of course, this is at best a performance-killing band-aid; some
applications require an FPU, while Windows and most DOS extenders
ignore these environmental variables. In theory, it should be
possible to write a fairly short (100 lines?) utility code which
enters protected mode (ring 0), sets up a valid global descriptor table
(and perhaps a valid interrupt descriptor table), resets the emulation
bit in the machine status word of control register 0, and then re-enters
real mode. Running such a code at boot time should lock out the FPU
even for Windows and DOS extended applications; a similar code could
reactivate the FPU at will. Unfortunately, I haven't had the time to
write the code yet!
* To date, my analysis indicates that the bug will appear in about 1 in
31 billion random divisions and 1 in 1.26 billion random reciprocals.
These figures are similar to the rate of 1 in 9.5 billion attributed to
Intel. In my own application (distribution of twin primes and the sum
of their reciprocals) no error appeared for values < 824e9. Most users
will find these values reassuring; those of us doing computational
number theory, chaos theory, or analysis of ill-conditioned matrices
may still want a new, bug-free CPU.
* To date, the worst-case error of which I am aware is an example
apparently posted by Tim Coe of Vitesse Semiconductors on 14 November,
indicating that the quotient 4195835.0/3145727.0 is returned correctly
to only 14 significant bits (5 significant decimal digits). I have not
yet had a chance to verify this example.
* Copies of some of the codes I have used to analyze the bug (updated to
reflect later developments) will be restored to the anonymous FTP
directory [anonymous.nicely.pentbug] of Lynchburg College's VAX server
(machine ID acavax.lynchburg.edu) as soon as I get time to update and
post them.
* Feel free to transmit this communication as you wish.
Sincerely,
Dr. Thomas R. Nicely
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
THE COMPUTER NEVERMORE (The Raven)
By Unknown
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor
Longing for the warmth of bedsheets,
Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets;
Having reached the bottom line,
I took a floppy from the drawer.
Typing with a steady hand, then invoked the SAVE command
But I got a reprimand: it read 'Abort, Retry, Ignore.'
Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices Solomon himself had never faced before.
Carefully, I weighed my options.
These three seemed to be the top ones.
Clearly I must now adopt one:
Choose 'Abort, Retry, Ignore.'
With my fingers pale and trembling,
Slowly toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee
Finally I pressed a key--
But on the screen what did I see?
Again: 'Abort, Retry, Ignore.'
I tried to catch the chips off-guard--
I pressed again, but twice as hard.
Luck was just not in the cards.
I saw what I had seen before.
Now I typed in desperation
Trying random combinations
Still there came the incantation:
Choose: 'Abort, Retry, Ignore.'
There I sat, distraught exhausted, by my own machine accosted
Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw an awful sight:
A bold and blinding flash of light--
A lightning bolt had cut the night and shook me to my very core.
I saw the screen collapse and die
'Oh no--my data base,' I cried
I thought I heard a voice reply,
'You'll see your data Nevermore!'
To this day I do not know
The place to which lost data goes
I bet it goes to heaven where the angels have it stored
But as for productivity, well
I fear that IT goes straight to hell
And that Us the tale I have to tell
Your choice: 'Abort, Retry, Ignore.'
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE STAR TREK...
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ship
Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip;
The phasers were hung in the armory securely,
In hope that no alien would get up that early.
The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks
(Except for the few who were partying drunks);
And Picard in his nightshirt, and Bev in her lace,
Had just settled down for a neat face to face...
When out in the hall there arose such a racket,
That we leapt from our beds, pulling on pant and jacket.
Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun,
Leapt into the cars and yelled loudly "Deck One!"
The bridge red-alert lights, which flashed through the din,
Gave a lustre of Hades to objects within.
When, what on the viewscreen, our eyes should behold,
But a weird kind of sleigh, and some guy who looked old.
But the glint in his eyes was so strange and askew,
That we knew in a moment it had to be Q.
His sleigh grew much larger as closer he came.
Then he zapped on the bridge and addressed us by name:
"It's Riker, It's Data, It's Worf and Jean-Luc!
It's Geordi, And Wesley, the genetic fluke!
To the top of the bridge, to the top of the hall!
Now float away! Float away! Float away all!"
As leaves in the autumn are whisked off the street,
So the floor of the bridge came away from our feet,
And up to the ceiling, our bodies they flew,
As the captain called out, "What the Hell is this, Q?!"
The prankster just laughed and expanded his grin,
And, snapping his fingers, he vanished again.
As we took in our plight, and were looking around,
The spell was removed, and we crashed to the ground.
Then Q, dressed in fur from his head to his toe,
Appeared once again, to continue the show.
"That's enough!" cried the captain, "You'll stop this at once!"
And Riker said, "Worf, take aim at this dunce!"
"I'm deeply offended, Jean-Luc" replied Q,
"I just wanted to celebrate Christmas with you."
As we scoffed at his words, he produced a large sack.
He dumped out the contents and took a step back.
"I've brought gifts," he said, "just to show I'm sincere.
There's something delightful for everyone here."
He sat on the floor, and dug into his pile,
And handed out gifts with his most charming smile:
"For Counselor Troi, there's no need to explain.
Here's Tylenol-Beta for all of your pain.
For Worf I've some mints, as his breath's not too great,
And for Geordi LaForge, an inflatable date."
For Wesley, some hormones, and Clearasil-plus;
For Data, a joke book, For Riker a truss.
For Beverly Crusher, there's sleek lingerie,
And for Jean-Luc, the thrill of just seeing her that way."
And he sprang to his feet with that grin on his face
And, clapping his hands, disappeared into space.
But we heard him exclaim as he dwindled from sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good flight!"
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
SANTA SOURCE CODE
By Unknown
#bash
better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus <north pole >town
cat /etc/passwd >list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice >giftlist
santa claus <north pole >town
who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | egrep 'bag|good'
for (goodnes sake) {
be good
}
better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus <north pole >town
[original source unknown]
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

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From dfox@fc.net Sat Jan 21 06:24:37 1995
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Date: Sat, 21 Jan 1995 05:21:35 -0600
From: Malik Al-Rashim <dfox@fc.net>
Message-Id: <199501211121.FAA02217@freeside.fc.net>
To: mikecap@wpi.edu
Subject: JAUC-File11
Status: O
MY LIFE AS AN INTERNATIONAL ARMS COURIER
By Matt Blaze (mab@research.att.com)
Under an obscure provision of US law, devices and computer programs
that use encryption techniques to hide information from prying eyes
and ears are considered ``munitions'' and subject to the same rules
that govern the international arms trade. In particular, taking such
items out of this country requires the approval of the State
Department, which decides whether exporting something might endanger
national security. In the past, these restrictions were of little
concern to the average citizen; encryption found most of its
application in military and diplomatic communications equipment.
Today, however, growing concern over electronic fraud and privacy
means that encryption techniques are starting to find their way into
more conventional commercial products like laptop computers and
portable phones.
Mostly to find out what the process was like, I recently applied for a
temporary export license for a portable telephone encryption product
that I wanted to take with me on a business trip to England and
Belgium.
The item in question is more properly called a ``telephone security
device.'' This is a little box that scrambles telephone conversations
to protect them against eavesdroppers; this sort of protection is
sometimes important when discussing confidential business matters from
faraway places. The particular model I bought was already approved
for export; it employs a cipher algorithm that the government has
already decided is not a threat to national security even should it
fall into the hands of some rogue government. This model is aimed
primarily, I presume, at international business travelers who want to
communicate in a reasonably secure manner with their home offices in
the states. In other words, a typical user buys two of them, leaving
one at the home office and carrying the other when traveling abroad.
The options that came with my device included a James Bond-ish looking
acoustic coupler and handset to facilitate its connection to the
hardwired phones that are still common in European hotel rooms.
It turns out that there was recently some discussion in the government
about exempting products like my secure phone from the licensing
paperwork requirements. Unfortunately, however, this exemption never
actually took effect. So even though the device I had was already
approved for sale abroad, I still needed to get a temporary export
license before I could take it with me. But I was assured that ``this
is an easy, routine process''. Well, sure enough, about two weeks
before I was to leave I got back my official US State Department
``license for the temporary export of unclassified defense articles''.
So far, so good.
From what I was able to figure out by reading the license (and having
a few conversations with an export lawyer), I'm required to leave from
an international airport with a Customs agent present (no problem
there, although Customs is geared to arriving, rather than departing,
travelers). At the airport, I'm supposed to fill out a form called a
``shipper's export declaration'' (SED) on which I have to declare that
``these commodities are authorized by the US government for export
only to Belgium and the United Kingdom. They may not be resold,
transshipped, or otherwise disposed of in any country, either in their
original form or incorporated into other end-items without the prior
written approval of the US Department of State''. Then I'm to present
the SED and export license to a Customs official at the airport before
I leave. The Customs officer is supposed to take my SED and endorse
my license to show what I'm actually taking out of the country.
On the way back in, I'm supposed to ``declare'' my item at Customs
(even though it was manufactured in the US) and show them my license,
and they're supposed to endorse the license again as proof that I
have, in fact, returned the ``defense article'' to the safety of the
United States.
The first hitch I ran into was that no one could actually tell me
where I could get an SED form. But when I called Customs they assured
me that this was no big deal. ``Just come by when you get to the
airport and we stamp the license. I guess you can just fill out the
SED there,'' they said.
I made sure to get to the airport early anyway.
Although there was moderately heavy traffic near the airport, I made
it to JFK two and a half hours before my 10pm flight. I was flying
United, which has their own terminal at JFK, so Customs has an office
right there in the same building from which I was to depart (JFK is
awful to get around, so I was glad for this). I checked in for my
flight (and got upgraded to first class, which bolstered my
expectation that everything was going to be really easy from here on).
Then, luggage, license and phone in hand, I made my way downstairs to
Customs, expecting to fill out the SED form and ``just have my license
stamped'' as they had assured me earlier on the telephone. I
explained my situation to the security guard who controls entry to the
Customs area, and he led me to ``the back office'' without much
argument or delay. The head uniformed Customs guy in the back office
(which I think is same office where they take the people suspected of
being ``drug mules'' with cocaine-filled condoms in their stomaches)
looked approachable enough. He had a sort of kindly, grandfatherly
manner, and he was playing a video game on a laptop computer. I got
the impression that most of the people he encounters are suspected
drug smugglers, and he seemed pleased enough to be dealing with
something a little different from the norm. When I explained what I
was doing he looked at me as if I had just announced that I was a
citizen of Mars who hadn't even bothered to obtain a visa.
He explained, carefully, that a) I really do need the SED form; b) not
only that, I should have already filled it out, in duplicate; c) he
doesn't have blank SED forms; d) he, like everyone else in the entire
US government that I had spoken to, has no idea where one gets them
from, but people must get them from somewhere; and e) it doesn't
really matter, because I'm in the wrong place anyway.
I asked him where the right place is. ``The cargo building, of
course,'' he told me, patiently. I remembered the cargo building
because I passed it in the taxi just as the traffic jam began, about
half an hour before I got to the United terminal. The airport shuttle
bus doesn't stop there. I'd have to call a taxi. ``But I think
they're closed now, and even if they were open you'd never make it
before your flight'' he helpfully added, saving me the trip. He also
complemented me for going to the trouble to get the license.
I must have looked hurt and confused. Eventually he called in some
fellow in a suit who I presume to have been his boss.
``Are you the guy who wants to export the fancy gun?'' the fellow in
the suit asked me.
``It's not a gun, it's a telephone,'' I responded, with a straight
face.
``Why do you have a license to export a telephone?'' Good question, I
thought. I explained about the export law and showed him the thing.
He agreed that it looked pretty harmless.
The fellow in the suit reiterated points a through e almost verbatim
(do they rehearse for these things?) and explained that this isn't
really their department, since my license was issued by the State
Department, not Customs, and my situation doesn't come up very often
because exports usually go via the cargo building. He'd love to help
me, but the computer in which these things get entered is over in
Cargo. ``That's how the records get made. But you do have a valid
license, which is nice.'' He also suggested that I would have had an
easier time had I shipped the device instead of carrying it with me.
I asked what I should do, given that my plane was scheduled to leave
in less than an hour. Neither was sure, but the fellow in the suit
seemed willing leave it to the discretion of the uniformed guy. ``How
does this thing work, anyway?'' he asked. I explained as best as I
could, trying to make it sound as harmless as it is. ``You mean like
that Clipper chip?'' he asked.
At this point, given that he has a computer and knows something about
the Clipper chip, I figured that maybe there was some hope of making
my flight. Or maybe I was about to spend the night in jail. In my
mind, I put it at about a 90:10 hope:jail ratio.
Then he asked, ``Do you know about this stuff?''
So we chatted about computers and cryptography for a while. Finally,
the two of them decided that it wouldn't really hurt for them to just
sign the form as long as I promised to call my lawyer and get the SED
situation straightened out ASAP. They assured me that I won't be
arrested or have any other trouble upon my return.
I made my flight, validated license in hand.
An aside: Throughout my trip, I discovered an interesting thing about
the phone and the various options I was carrying with it. Under X-ray
examination, it looks just like some kind of bomb. (I suspect it was
the coiled handset cords). Every time I went through a security
checkpoint, I had to dig the thing out of my luggage and show it to
the guard. I almost missed the new ``Eurostar'' chunnel train (3hrs
15mins nonstop from London to Brussels, airport-style check-in and
security) as the guards were trying to figure out whether my telephone
was likely to explode.
Coming back to the US was less eventful, though it did take me an
extra hour or so to get through Customs. Expecting a bit of a hassle
I didn't check any luggage and made sure to be the first person from
my flight to reach the Customs line. The inspector was ready to
wordlessly accept my declaration form and send me on my way when I
opened my mouth and explained that I needed to get an export license
stamped. That was obviously a new one for him. He finally decided
that this had to be handled by something called the ``Ships Office''.
I was sent to an unoccupied back room (a different back room from
before) and told to wait. I thought about the recent Customs
experiences of Phil Zimmermann. (Zimmermann, the author of a popular
computer encryption program, was recently detained, questioned and
searched by Customs officials investigating whether he violated the
same regulations I was trying so hard to follow.) After about half an
hour, an officer came in and asked me what I needed. I explained
about my export license that had to be endorsed. She just shrugged
and told me that she had to ``process the flight'' first. As best as
I could tell, her job was to clear the airplane itself through
Customs, that being, technically speaking, a very expensive import.
It would take a little while. She was pleasant enough, though, and at
least didn't look at me as if she intended to send me to jail or have
me strip searched.
Finally, she finished with the plane and asked me for my form. She
studied it carefully, obviously never having seen one before, and
eventually asked me what, exactly, she was supposed to do. I
explained that I had never actually gone through this process before
but I understood that she's supposed to record the fact that I was
re-importing the device and stamp my license somewhere. She told me
that she didn't know of any place for her to record this. After some
discussion, we agreed that the best thing to do was to make a Xerox
copy of my license and arrange for it to go wherever it had to go
later. She stamped the back of the license and sent me on my way. It
was a little over an hour after I first reached the Customs desk.
My conclusion from all this is that it just isn't possible for an
individual traveler to follow all the rules. Even having gone through
the process now, I still have no idea how to obtain, let alone file,
the proper forms, even for a device that's already been determined to
be exportable. The export of export-controlled items is ordinarily
handled by cargo shipment, not by hand carrying by travelers, and the
system is simply not geared to deal with exceptions. Technically
speaking, everyone with a laptop disk encryption program who travels
abroad is in violation of the law, but since no one actually knows or
checks, no mechanism exists to deal with those who want to follow the
rules. While (fortunately) everyone I dealt with was sympathetic, no
one in the government who I spoke with was able to actually help me
follow the rules. I was permitted to leave and come back only because
everyone involved eventually recognized that my telephone was pretty
harmless, that my intentions were good, and that the best thing to do
was be flexible. If anyone had taken a hard line and tried to enforce
the letter of the law, I simply wouldn't have been able to take the
thing with me, even with my license. Had I just put my telephone in
my suitcase without telling anyone instead of calling attention to
myself by trying to follow the rules, chances are no one would have
noticed or cared.
Unfortunately, however, these absurd rules carry the full force of
law, and one ignores them only at the risk of being prosecuted for
international arms trafficking. While it may seem far-fetched to
imagine US citizens prosecuted as arms smugglers simply for carrying
ordinary business products in their luggage, the law as written allows
the government to do just that. At the same time, anyone who is aware
of and who tries to follow the regulations is made to jump through
pointless hoops that are so obscure that even the people charged with
enforcing them don't know quite what to make of them.
Copyright 1995 by Matt Blaze. All rights reserved.
Electronic redistribution permitted provided this article is reproduced
in its entirety.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
OPEN LETTER TO WIRED MAGAZINE
By Chris Goggans (phrack@well.sf.ca.us)
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing this under the assumption that the editorial staff at
Wired will "forget" to print it in the upcoming issue, so I am
also posting it on every relevant newsgroup and online discussion forum
that I can think of.
When I first read your piece "Gang War In Cyberspace" I nearly choked on
my own stomach bile. The whole tone of this piece was so far removed
from reality that I found myself questioning what color the sky must be
in Wired's universe. Not that I've come to expect any better from Wired.
Your magazine, which could have had the potential to actually do
something, has become a parody...a politically correct art-school project
that consistently falls short of telling the whole story or making a solid
point. (Just another example of Kapor-Kash that ends up letting everyone
down.)
I did however expect more from Josh Quittner.
I find it interesting that so much emphasis can be placed on an issue of
supposed racial slurs as the focus of an imaginary "gang war," especially
so many years after the fact.
It's also interesting to me that people keep overlooking the fact that
one of the first few members of our own little Legion of Doom was black
(Paul Muad'dib.) Maybe if he had not died a few years back that wouldn't
be so quickly forgotten. (Not that it makes a BIT of difference what color
a hacker is as long as he or she has a brain and a modem, or these days
at least a modem.)
I also find it interesting that a magazine can so easily implicate someone
as the originator of the so-called "fighting words" that allegedly sparked
this online-battle, without even giving a second thought as to the damage
that this may do to the person so named. One would think that a magazine
would have more journalistic integrity than that (but then again, this IS
Wired, and political correctness sells magazines and satisfies
advertisers.) Thankfully, I'll only have to endure one month of the
"Gee Chris, did you know you were a racist redneck?" phone calls.
It's further odd that someone characterized as so sensitive to insults
allegedly uttered on a party-line could have kept the company he did.
Strangely enough, Quittner left out all mention of the MOD member who
called himself "SuperNigger." Surely, John Lee must have taken umbrage to
an upper-middle class man of Hebrew descent so shamefully mocking him and
his entire race, wouldn't he? Certainly he wouldn't associate in any way
with someone like that...especially be in the same group with, hang out
with, and work on hacking projects with, would he?
Please, of course he would, and he did. (And perhaps he still does...)
The whole "racial issue" was a NON-ISSUE. However, such things make
exciting copy and garner many column inches so keep being rehashed. In
fact, several years back when the issue first came up, the statement was
cited as being either "Hang up, you nigger," or "Hey, SuperNigger," but
no one was sure which was actually said. Funny how the wording changes
to fit the slant of the "journalist" over time, isn't it?
I wish I could say for certain which was actually spoken, but alas, I was
not privy to such things. Despite the hobby I supposedly so enjoyed
according to Quittner, "doing conference bridges," I abhorred the things.
We used to refer to them as "Multi-Loser Youps" (multi-user loops) and
called their denizens "Bridge Bunnies." The bridge referred to in the
story was popularized by the callers of the 5A BBS in Houston, Texas.
(A bulletin board, that I never even got the chance to call, as I had
recently been raided by the Secret Service and had no computer.) Many
people from Texas did call the BBS, however, and subsequently used the
bridge, but so did people from Florida, Arizona, Michigan, New York and
Louisiana. And as numbers do in the underground, word of a new place to
hang out caused it to propagate rapidly.
To make any implications that such things were strictly a New York versus
Texas issue is ludicrous, and again simply goes to show that a "journalist"
was looking for more points to add to his (or her) particular angle.
This is not to say that I did not have problems with any of the people
who were in MOD. At the time I still harbored strong feelings towards
Phiber Optik for the NYNEX-Infopath swindle, but that was about it.
And that was YEARS ago. (Even I don't harbor a grudge that long.)
Even the dozen or so annoying phone calls I received in late 1990 and
early 1991 did little to evoke "a declaration of war." Like many people,
I know how to forward my calls, or unplug the phone. Amazing how
technology works, isn't it?
Those prank calls also had about as much to do with the formation of
Comsec as bubble-gum had to do with the discovery of nuclear fission.
(I'm sure if you really put some brain power to it, and consulted Robert
Anton Wilson, you could find some relationships.) At the risk of sounding
glib, we could have cared less about hackers at Comsec. If there were no
hackers, or computer criminals, there would be no need for computer
security consultants. Besides, hackers account for so little in the real
picture of computer crime, that their existence is more annoyance than
something to actually fear.
However, when those same hackers crossed the line and began tapping our
phone lines, we were more than glad to go after them. This is one of my
only rules of action: do whatever you want to anyone else, but mess with
me and my livelihood and I will devote every ounce of my being to paying
you back. That is exactly what we did.
This is not to say that we were the only people from the computer
underground who went to various law enforcement agencies with information
about MOD and their antics. In fact, the number of hackers who did was
staggering, especially when you consider the usual anarchy of the
underground. None of these other people ever get mentioned and those of
us at Comsec always take the lead role as the "narks," but we were far
from alone. MOD managed to alienate the vast majority of the computer
underground, and people reacted.
All in all, both in this piece, and in the book itself, "MOD, The Gang That
Ruled Cyberspace," Quittner has managed to paint a far too apologetic piece
about a group of people who cared so very little about the networks they
played in and the people who live there. In the last 15 years that I've
been skulking around online, people in the community have always tended
to treat each other and the computers systems they voyeured with a great
deal of care and respect. MOD was one of the first true examples of a
groupthink exercise in hacker sociopathy. Selling long distance codes,
selling credit card numbers, destroying systems and harassing innocent
people is not acceptable behavior among ANY group, even the computer
underground.
There have always been ego flares and group rivalries in the underground,
and there always will be. The Legion of Doom itself was FOUNDED because of
a spat between its founder (Lex Luthor) and members of a group called The
Knights of Shadow. These rivalries keep things interesting, and keep the
community moving forward, always seeking the newest bit of information in
a series of healthy one-upsmanship. MOD was different. They took things
too far against everyone, not just against two people in Texas.
I certainly don't condemn everyone in the group. I don't even know
a number of them (electronically or otherwise.) I honestly believe
that Mark Abene (Phiber) and Paul Stira (Scorpion) got royally screwed
while the group's two biggest criminals, Julio Fernandez (Outlaw) and
Allen Wilson (Wing), rolled over on everyone else and walked away free
and clear. This is repulsive when you find out that Wing in particular
has gone on to be implicated in more damage to the Internet (as Posse and
ILF) than anyone in the history of the computing. This I find truly
disgusting, and hope that the Secret Service are proud of themselves.
Imagine if I wrote a piece about the terrible treatment of a poor prisoner
in Wisconsin who was bludgeoned to death by other inmates while guards
looked away. Imagine if I tried to explain the fact that poor Jeff Dahmer
was provoked to murder and cannibalism by the mocking of adolescent boys
who teased and called him a faggot. How would you feel if I tried to
convince you that we should look upon him with pity and think of him as a
misunderstood political prisoner? You would probably feel about how I do
about Quittner's story.
'Hacker' can just as easily be applied to "journalists" too, and with this
piece Quittner has joined the Hack Journalist Hall of Fame, taking his
place right next to Richard Sandza.
Quittner did get a few things right. I do have a big cat named Spud, I do
work at a computer company and I do sell fantastic t-shirts. Buy some.
With Love,
Chris Goggans
aka Erik Bloodaxe
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
WHEN BIGOTRY OUTPACES TECHNOLOGY
By Douglas Welch dewelch@pop.com
Previously published in the Los Angeles Times, Monday, December 19, 1994.
Page B15
Note: Electronic re-posting is ALLOWED but NO PAPER REPRINTS or inclusion
in online digests without written permission from the author. All postings
must retain this notice.
Copyright (c) 1994 Douglas E. Welch
dewelch@pop.com
76625,3301
* Communications: We need to attack the message, not the modem, to ensure
on-line services are free from censorship.
As each new technology marches onto the scene, there are some who instantly
blame all the ills of society on it. Groups calling for the censorship of
computer networks are forgetting that it is not the technology that is
causing the problem, but the people using the technology. Instead of
targeting the authors of hate speech on the computer networks, they are
targeting the networks themselves. This only reinforces the immediate need
for on-line computer services to be protected by the federal government
as "common carriers," like telephone utilities.
Hatemongers and bigots have always been a part of human society. Through
ignorance and bullying, they gather their flock, but it is through open
debate, education and reasoned discourse that they are best confronted.
Instead, professed anti-hate groups are attacking the providers of on-line
services in an effort to force them to remove offensive messages or prevent
their posting. Rather than using the technology to fight back and denounce
hate speech, they are seeking to remove the freedom of speech altogether.
Were the situation reversed, I am sure you would hear them decrying the
evils of censorship as loudly as they call for it now.
Telephone companies cannot be sued when offensive or illegal calls are
placed through their systems. On-line services deserve the same kind of
"common carrier" status. There is no reason on-line services should have to
be both provider and policeman. This places them in danger of being a
censor.
On-line users have several simpler options. They can merely ignore the
message with the press of a key or set their "kill file" to ignore
messages of certain content or from a certain user. Ultimately, on-line
services provide users the chance to engage these hatemongers in a forum
free of physical threat with hopes of liberating their narrow focus. The
immediacy of posting a response can only be found in the on-line world.
On-line services are no passing fad. they are rapidly gaining popularity
on par with telephone and fax service. We need to stop treating on-line
services like something new and ensure that they are free from censorship
pressures.
Censorship has always been defined as a "slipperly slope" that can easily
lead to a repression of ideas and a lower quality of life. Whether we
communicate via paper, phone lines or on-line computer services, our
freedom of speech should be protected. Hate groups should be targeted for
their messages, not how they send them.
Douglas E. Welch is a computer consultant. He can be reached at
dewelch@pop.com.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
LETTER FROM STEVE CASE; RE: CHILD PORN ON AOL
By Steve Case
Ever since we first launched America Online we've remained committed to
fostering an electronic community that provides a fun, enjoyable and
enriching experience for all members. We've asked our members to honor
the privilege of interactivity, and we've strictly enforced our Terms of
Service to help foster the kind of community of which we can all be proud.
Recently, however, some material has been brought to our attention by some
of our members which involves illegal activity -- the trading of images in
electronic mail which appear to be child pornography. Upon receiving the
material, and verifying that it was a violation of our Terms of Service,
and in all likelihood illegal, we immediately contacted the FBI and
terminated the accounts of the senders.
While we recognize that any community around the United States with more
than 1.5 million citizens will have its share of illegal activity, we were
nonetheless disheartened to find that some members are abusing the
communications features of AOL in this way. We simply will not tolerate
such illegal activity on America Online. To anyone who may be using
America Online for illegal purposes, be advised that we will terminate the
accounts of those participating and we will notify the proper authorities
of any illegal activity that is brought to our attention.
Our policy is that all private communications -- including e-mail, instant
messages, and private chat rooms -- are strictly private. We do not, will
not, and legally cannot monitor any private communications. But if we
are alerted to a potential offense and we are sent evidence, as we were
recently, we will vigorously pursue the matter. In this case, electronic
mail was forwarded to our attention by our members, and as recipients of
the mail we were able to turn the material over to the authorities.
We have over 250 people who help us provide assistance in the public areas
of the service and give guidance to members who are new or who have
questions. Of late, we've had a growing problem with member-created rooms
whose title and discussion violate our Terms of Service. Member-created
rooms have always been a unique and much-valued aspect of America Online.
Often, these rooms provide the seeds for new special interest forums that
later emerge. But as more members abuse the privilege and establish rooms
that suggest illegal activity, or detract from the enjoyment of others
with offensive titles, we are faced with looking at a higher level of
safeguards as it relates to member-created rooms. We simply cannot keep
up with the sheer volume of rooms created, and as a result, from time to
time rooms that violate TOS remain open for some period of time. We're
looking at several alternatives to improve the situation. We don't want
to see our members denied the privilege of this fun and creative
interactive environment due to the abuses of a few, but at the same time
we do feel some action is warranted to safeguard this popular
"neighborhood" in our community.
Unfortunately, this is not the first time we have encountered this
problem, nor is it unique to AOL. In 1991, we were faced with a similar
situation. At that time, we went to our members -- as we're doing now --
advised them of the situation and asked for their help. And recently,
recognizing the potential for abuses in this emerging medium, online
service providers banded together to sponsor a "child safety" brochure
that gives parents tips and guidelines to foster a productive and safe
environment for children online. A copy of this brochure can be found in
the Parents Information Center, keyword: Parents. We encourage parents
to take the time to review it. In addition we strongly encourage parents
to monitor their children's use of this medium, much as they would any
other medium such as television, magazines, etc. We've also implemented
"parental controls" which allow parents to restrict their children's
online access.
Each one of us needs to respect and honor the privileges of this
electronic community. If you haven't reviewed our Terms of Service, take
a few minutes now and do so. If you observe what you believe may be
illegal activity on AOL, bring it to our attention. The problem is not
widespread -- we believe only a mere fraction of this community is
involved. Let's work together to insure that America Online remains the
kind of community that you want your friends and family to enjoy.
Thanks for your continued support.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

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Date: Sat, 21 Jan 1995 06:11:48 -0600
From: Malik Al-Rashim <dfox@fc.net>
Message-Id: <199501211211.GAA10048@freeside.fc.net>
To: mikecap@wpi.edu
Subject: JAUC-File12
Status: O
LEE HARVEY OSWALD DIED FOR YOUR SINS
By Gordon Fagan, Conspiracy Editor (flyer@io.com)
With all the hubbub over the OJ Simpson trial currently getting
under way, I thought it would be a good idea to get people to rethink
their conception of what justice is about in another matter. Where there
was no trial, not even real charges - just accusations, a bullet and 30+
years of government approved postmortem derision as an insane killer.
We've all seen the movie JFK which is probably more than most of you want
to hear on the subject in the first place, so I'll just leave each of you
- in particular, those who have no interest in the JFK assassination
conspiracy but can't get enough of that OJ, with the following...
It has been said that the American people are the only jury that
Lee Harvey Oswald will ever have. It is our responsibility, then, to
examine with utmost care and objectivity the evidence for and against him,
and to reach an independent verdict - Sylvia Meagher
Jim Garrison's closing statement to the jury
State of Louisiana vs. Clay Shaw, 1969
May it please the court. Gentlemen of the jury:
I know you're very tired. You've been very patient. This final
day has been a long one, so I'll speak only a few minutes.
In his argument, Mr. Dymond posed one final issue which raises the
question of what we do when the need for justice is confronted by power.
So, let me talk to you about a question of whether or not there
was government fraud in this case. A question Mr. Dymond seems to want us
to answer.
A government is a great deal like a human being. It's not
necessarily all good, and it's not necessarily all bad. We live in a good
country. I love it and you do, too. Nevertheless, the fact remains that
we have a government which is not perfect.
There have been since November the 22nd of 1963, and that was not
the last, indications that there is an excessive power in some parts of
our government. It is plain that the people have not received all of the
truth about some of the things which have happened, about some of the
assassinations which have occurred, and more particularly about the
assassination of John Kennedy.
Going back to when we were children, I think most of us, probably
all of us in this courtroom, once thought that justice came into being of
its own accord, that that virtue was its own regard, that good would
triumph over evil. In short, that justice occurred automatically. Later,
when we found that this wasn't quite so, most of us still felt hopeful
that at least occurred frequently of its own accord.
Today, I think that almost all of us would have to agree that
there is really no machinery, not on this earth at least, which causes
justice to occur automatically. Men still have to make it occur.
Individual human beings have to make it occur. Otherwise, it doesn't come
into existence. This is not always easy. As a matter of fact, it's
always hard, because justice presents a threat to power. In order to make
justice come into being, you often have to fight power.
Mr. Dymond raised the question; "Why don't we say it's all a fraud
and charge the government with fraud, if that is the case?"
Let me be explicit, then, and make myself very clar on this point.
The goverment's handling of the investigation of John Kennedy's murder was
a fraud. It was the greatest fraud in the history of our country. It
probably was the greatest fraud ever perpetrated in the history of
humankind.
That doesn't mean that we have to accept the continued existence
of the kind of government which allows this to happen. We can do
something about it. We're not forced either to leave this country or
accept the authoritarianism that has developed. The authoritarianism that
tells us that in the year 2039 we can see the evidence about what happened
to John Kennedy.
Government does not consist only of secret police and domestic
espionage operations and generals and admirals. Government consists of
people. It also consists of juries. And in the cases of murder, whether
the poorest individual or the most distinguished citizen in the land,
should be looked at openly in a court of law, where juries can pass on
them and not be hidden, not be buried like the body of the victim beneath
concrete for countless years.
You men in recent weeks have heard witnesses that no one else in
the world has heard. You've seen the Zapruder film. You've seen what
happened to your President. I suggest to you that you know right now
that, in that area at least, a fraud has been perpetrated.
That does not mean that our government is entirely bad - and I
want to emphasize that. It does mean, however that in recent years,
through the development of excessive power because of the Cold War, forces
have developed in our government over which there is no control and these
forces have an authoritarian approach to justice; meaning, they will let
you know what justice is.
Well, my reply to them is that we already know what justice is.
It is the decision of the people passing on the evidence. It is the jury
system. In the issue which is posed by the government's conduct in
concealing the evidence in this case, in the issue of humanity as opposed
to power, I have chosen humanity, and I will do it again without
hesitation. I hope every one of you will do the same. I do this because
I love my country and because I want to communicate to the government that
we will not accept unexplained assassinations with the casual information
that if we live seventy-five years longer, we might be given more
evidence.
In this particular case, massive power was brought to bear to
prevent justice from ever coming into the courtroom. The power to make
authoritarian pronouncements, the power to manipulate the news media by
the release of false information, the power to interfere with an honest
inquiry and the power to provide an endless variety of experts to testify
in behalf of that power, repeatedly was demonstrated in this case.
The American people have yet to see the Zapruder film. Why? The
American people have yet to see and hear from real witnesses to the
assassination. Why? Because, today in America too much emphasis is given
to secrecy, with regard to the assassination of our President, and not
enough emphasis is given to the question of justice and to the question of
humanity.
These dignified deceptions will not suffice. We have had enough
of power without truth. We don't have to accept power without truth or
else leave the country. I don't accept power without truth or else leave
the country. I don't accept either of these two alternatives. I don't
intend to leave the country and I don't intend to accept power without
truth.
I intend to fight for the truth. I suggest that not only is this
not un-American, but it is the most American thing we can do, because if
truth does not endure, then our country will not endure.
In our country the worst of all crimes occurs when the government
murders truth. If it can murder truth, it can murder freedom. If it can
murder freedom it can murder your own sons, if they should dare to fight
for freedom, and then it can announce that they were killed in an
industrial accident, or shot by the "enemy" or God knows what.
In this case, finally, it has been possible to bring the truth
about the assassination into a court of law, not before a commission
composed of important and politically astute men, but before a jury of
citizens.
Now, I suggest to you that yours is a hard duty, because in a
sense what you're passing on is the equivalent to a murder case. The
difficult thing about passing on a murder case is that the victim is out
of your sight and buried a long distance away, and all you can see is the
defendant. It's very difficult to identify with someone you can't see,
and sometimes it's hard not to identify to some extent with the defendant
and his problems.
In that regard, every prosecutor who is at all humane is concious
of feeling sorry for the defendant in every case he prosecutes. But he is
not free to forget the victim who lies buried out of sight. I suggest to
you that, if you do your duty, you also are not free to forget the victim
who is buried out of sight.
Tennyson once said that "authority forgets a dying king." This
was never more true than in the murder of John Kennedy. The strange and
deceptive conduct of the government after his murder began while his body
was still warm, and has continued for five years. You have even seen in
this courtroom indications of interest of part of the government power
structure in keeping truth down, in keeping the grave closed.
We presented a number of eyewitnesses as well as an expert witness
as well as the Zapruder film, to show that the fatal wound of the
President came from the front. A plane landed from Washington and out
stepped Dr. Finck for the defense, to counter the clear and apparent
evidence of a shot from the front. I don't have to go into Dr. Finck's
testimony in detail for you to show that it simply does not correspond to
the facts. He admitted that he did not complete the autopsy because a
general told him to not complete the autopsy.
In this conflict between power and justice, to put it that way,
just where do you think Dr. Finck stands? A general who is not a
pathologist, told him not to complete the autopsy, so he didn't complete
it. This is not the way I want my country to be. When our president is
killed he deserves the kind of autopsy that the ordinary citizens get
every day in the state of Louisana. And the people deserve the facts
about it. We can't have the government power suddenly interjecting itself
and preventing the truth from coming to the people.
Yet, in this case, before the sun rose the next morning, power had
moved into the situation and the truth was being concealed. And now, five
years later in this courtroom the power of the government in concealing
the truth is continuing in the same way.
We presented eyewitnesses who told you of the shots coming from
the grassy knoll. A plane landed from Washington, and out came ballistics
expert Frazier for the defense. Mr. Frazier explanation of the sound of
the shots coming frm the front, which was heard by eyewitness after
eyewitness, was that Lee Oswald created a sonic boom in his firing. Not
only did Oswald break all of the world's records for marksmanship, but he
broke the sound barrier as well.
I suggest to you, that if any of you have shot on a firing range,
and most of you probably in the service, you were shooting rifles in which
the bullet travelled faster than the speed of sound. I ask you to recall
if you ever heard a sonic boom. If you remember when you were on the
firing line, and they would say, "ready on the left - ready on the right -
ready on the firing line - commence firing," you heard the shots coming
from the firing line, to the left of you and to the right of you. If you
had heard as a result of Mr. Frazier's fictional sonic boom, firing coming
at you from the pits, you would have had a reaction which you would still
remember.
Mr. Frazier's sonic boom simply doesn't exist. It's a part of the
fraud, a part of the continuing government fraud.
The best way to make this country the kind of country it's
supposed to be is to communicate to the government that no matter how
powerful it may be, we do not accept these frauds. We do not accept these
false announcements. We do not accept the concealment of evidence with
regard to the murder of President Kennedy.
Who is the most believable? A Richard Randolph Carr, seated here
in a wheelchair and telling you what he saw and what he heard and how he
was told to shut his mouth, or Mr. Frazier and his sonic booms?
Do we really have to actually reject Mr. Newman and Mrs. Newman
and Mr. Carr and Roger Craig and the testimony of all those honest
witnesses, reject all this and accept the fraudulent Warren Commission, or
else leave the country?
I suggest to you that there are other alternatives. Once of them
has been put in practice in the last month in the State of Louisiana, and
that is to bring out the truth in a proceeding where attorneys can
cross-examine, where the defendant can be confronted by testimony against
him, where the rules of evidence are applied and where a jury of citizens
can pass on it, and where there is no government secrecy. Above all,
where you do not have evidence concealed for seventy-five years in the
name of "national security."
All we have in this case are the facts. Facts which show that the
defendant participated in the conspiracy to kill the President and that
the President was subsequently killed in an ambush.
The reply of the defense has been the same as the early reply of
the government in the Warren Commission. It has been authority,
authority, authority. The President's seal outside of each volume of the
Warren Commission Report, made necessary because there is nothing inside
these volumes. Men of high position and prestige sitting on a board, and
announcing the results to you, but not telling you what the evidence is,
because the evidence has to be hidden for seventy-five years.
You heard in this courtroom in recent weeks, eyewitness after
eyewitness after eyewitness and, above all, you saw one eyewitness which
was indifferent to power, the Zapruder film. The lens of the camera is
totally indifferent to power and it tells what happened as it saw it
happen, and that is one of the reasons 200 million Americans have not seen
the Zapruder film. They should have seen it many times. They should know
exactly what happened. They all should know what you know now.
Why hasn't all of this come into being if there hasn't been
government fraud? Of course there has been fraud by the government.
But I'm telling you now that I think we can do something about it.
I think that there are still enough Americans left in this country to make
it continue to be America. I think that we can still fight
authoritarianism, the government's insistence on secrecy, government force
used in counterattacks against an honest inquiry, and when we do that,
we're not being un-American, we're being American. It isn't easy. You're
sticking your neck out in a rather permanent way, but it has to be done
because truth does not come into being automatically. Justice does not
happen automatically. Individual men, like the members of my staff here,
have to work and fight to make it happen, and individual men like you have
to make justice come into being because otherwise it doesn't happen.
What I'm trying to tell you is that there are forces in America
today, unfortunately, which are not in favor of the truth coming out about
John Kennedy's assassination. As long as our government continues to be
like this, as long as such forces can get away with such actions, then
this is no longer the country in which we were born.
The murder of John Kennedy was probably the most terrible moment
in the history of our country. Yet, circumstances have placed you in the
position where not only have you seen the hidden evidence but you are
actually going to have the opportunity to bring justice into the picture
for the first time.
Now, you are here sitting in judgement on Clay Shaw. Yet you, as
men, represent more than jurors in an ordinary case because the victims in
this case. You represent, in a sense, the hope of humanity against
government power. You represent humanity, which yet may triumph over
excessive government power. If you will cause it to be so, in the course
of doing your duty in this case.
I suggest that you ask not what your country can do for you but
what you can do for your country.
What can you do for your country? You can cause justice to happen
for the first time in this matter. You can help make our country better
by showing that this is still a government of the people. And if you do
that, as long as you live, nothing will ever be more important.
---------------------------
Since you read all the way through, you might be interested in
more information. You can check out alt.conspiracy.jfk at your favourite
USENET site and see the still active coverup covering up. Now including a
phoney "Oswald did it alone" FAQ posting from a .mil address. The
internet equivalent to Gerald Posner's "Case Closed." Though less well
written, it includes about the same amount of real research. There are
some good people on the newsgroup as well and they have a large and
growing body of info on display regularly. Another excellent source is
the web site for Fair Play magazine: http://www.kaiwan.com/~ljg/fp.html
-31 and counting-

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Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 08:36:40 -0600
From: JAUC <dfox@fc.net>
Message-Id: <199501181436.IAA20555@freeside.fc.net>
To: mikecap@wpi.edu
Subject: JAUC-INDEX
Status: OR
THERE ARE 13 FILES (INCLUDING THIS TITLE) IN THIS ISSUE... PLEASE ALLOW
3 DAYS BEFORE COMPLAINING ABOUT NOT RECEIVING THEM. THANK YOU.
=======================================================================
THE JOURNAL OF AMERICAN UNDERGROUND COMPUTING / Published Quarterly
======================================================================
ISSN 1074-3111 Volume One, Issue Seven January 17, 1994
======================================================================
Editor-in-Chief: Scott Davis (dfox@fc.net)
Co-Editor/Technology: Max Mednick (kahuna@fc.net)
Conspiracy Editor: Gordon Fagan (flyer@io.com)
Information Systems: Carl Guderian (bjacques@usis.com)
Legal Editor Steve Ryan (blivion@sccsi.com)
Computer Security: George Phillips (ice9@paranoia.com)
Graphics/WWW Design Mario Martinez (digital@comland.com)
** ftp site: etext.archive.umich.edu /pub/Zines/JAUC
** ftp site: ftp.fc.net /pub/tjoauc
U.S. Mail:
The Journal Of American Underground Computing
or Fennec Information Systems
10111 N. Lamar - Suite 25
Austin, Texas 78753-3601
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
IMPORTANT ADDRESSES -
============================================================================
To Subscribe to "TJOAUC", send mail to: sub@fennec.com
All questions/comments about this publication to: comments@fennec.com
Send all articles/info that you want published to: submit@fennec.com
Commercial Registration for Profitable Media: form1@fennec.com
============================================================================
"The underground press serves as the only effective counter to a growing
power, and more sophisticated techniques used by establishment mass media
to falsify, misrepresent, misquote, rule out of consideration as a priori
ridiculous, or simply ignore and blot out of existence: data, books,
discoveries that they consider prejudicial to establishment interest..."
(William S. Burroughs and Daniel Odier, "The Job", Viking, New York, 1989)
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Contents Copyright (C) 1995 The Journal Of American Underground Computing
and/or the author of the articles presented herein. All rights reserved.
Nothing may be reproduced in whole or in part without written permission
of the Editor-In-Chief and/or the author of the article. This publication
is made available periodically to the amateur computer hobbyist free of
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prohibited without prior consent of the Editor, and is in violation of
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%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
DISCLAIMER AND NOTICE TO DISTRIBUTORS -
NOTE: This electronic publication is to be distributed free of charge
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circumstances is any issue of this publication, in part or in whole,
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To obtain permission to distribute this publication under any of the
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This publication is provided without charge to anyone who wants it.
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%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
TABLE OF CONTENTS
[File #1:]
Is There A Santa Claus Unknown
What Do People Think Unknown
.SIG Heil K. K. Campbell
WWW - The Junkyard Of The Internet Ram Samudrala
Austin (Tx) Zeen Scene Josh Ronsen
Object Technology In Cyberspace Chris Hand
[File #2]
Deadkat Deadkat
EFF Personnel Announcement Stanton McCandlish
Reader Feedback Our Reader(s)
Call Security / Voice Crypto FAQ Neil Johnson
There's A Body On The Internet Uncle Bob's NN #103
[File #3]
Windows And TCP/IP For Internet Access Harry Kriz
[File #4]
Windows And TCP/IP For Internet Access (Cont...) Harry Kriz
[File #5]
Say What? Libel And Defamation On The Internet Eric Eden
Jacking In From The "Back From The Dead" Port Brock Meeks
Announcing Slipknot Felix Kramer
[File #6]
Telecommunications Security Howard Fuhs
[File #7]
Old Freedoms And New Technologies Jay Weston
Information Superhighway: Reality Reid Goldsborough
Internet Tools Summary John December
LOD T-Shirts Chris Goggans
[File #8]
Interview With Erik Bloodaxe (Chris Goggans) Netta Gilboa
[File #9]
Review Of Slipknot 1.0 Scott Davis
cDc GDU #18 Swamp Ratte
My Letter To Wired Magazine Scott Davis
[File #10]
Caller ID FAQ Padgett Peterson
The Pentium Bug War Ends As We Know It James/Ted Barr
Pentium Non-Disclosure Agreement Of Dr. Nicely Thomas Nicely
The Computer Nevermore [A Late Christmas Tale] Unknown
Twas The Night Before Star Trek [Another One] Unknown
Santa Claus Source Code [The Last Late X-Mas Tale] Unkown
[File #11]
My Life As An International Arms Courier Matt Blaze
An Open Letter To Wired Magazine Chris Goggans
When Bigotry Outpaces Technology Douglas Welch
Letter From Steve Case: Child Porn On AOL Steve Case
[File #12]
Lee Harvey Oswald Died For Your Sins Gordon Fagan
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%


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Thanks for downloading The Journal Of American Underground Computing.
We are sure that you will enjoy this issue. Below are some addresses
that may be helpful if you wish to send feedback.
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<H1>
The Journal of American Undergound Computing (1994)
</H1>
<P>
<TABLE WIDTH=100%>
<TD BGCOLOR=#00FF00><FONT COLOR=#000000><B>Filename</B></FONT>
<TD BGCOLOR=#00DD00><FONT COLOR=#000000><B>Size</B></FONT>
<TD BGCOLOR=#00AA00><FONT COLOR=#000000><B>Description of the Textfile</B></TR>
<tab indent=60 id=T><br>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JOAUC/jauc01.txt">jauc01.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 41501<BR><TD> The Journal of American Undergound Computing by Scott Davis #1 (March 19, 1994)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JOAUC/jauc02.txt">jauc02.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 151511<BR><TD> The Journal of American Undergound Computing by Scott Davis #2 (April 4, 1994)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JOAUC/jauc03.txt">jauc03.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 162068<BR><TD> The Journal of American Undergound Computing by Scott Davis #3 (April 30, 1994)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JOAUC/jauc04.txt">jauc04.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 161755<BR><TD> The Journal of American Undergound Computing by Scott Davis #4 (June 7, 1994)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JOAUC/jauc05.txt">jauc05.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 129878<BR><TD> The Journal of American Undergound Computing by Scott Davis #5 (August 1, 1994)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JOAUC/jauc06.txt">jauc06.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 292484<BR><TD> The Journal of American Undergound Computing by Scott Davis #6 (October 1, 1994)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JOAUC/jauc07.txt">jauc07.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 423078<BR><TD> The Journal of American Undergound Computing by Scott Davis #7 (January 7, 1994)
</TABLE><P><TABLE WIDTH=100%><TR><TD ALIGN=RIGHT><SMALL>There are 7 files for a total of 1,362,275 bytes.</SMALL></TABLE>

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<H1>
The Journal of American Undergound Computing (1994)
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<TABLE WIDTH=100%>
<TD BGCOLOR=#000000><FONT COLOR=#FFFFFF><B>Filename</B></FONT>
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<tab indent=60 id=T><br>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jauc01.txt">jauc01.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 41501<BR><TD> The Journal of American Undergound Computing by Scott Davis #1 (March 19, 1994)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jauc02.txt">jauc02.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 151511<BR><TD> The Journal of American Undergound Computing by Scott Davis #2 (April 4, 1994)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jauc03.txt">jauc03.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 162068<BR><TD> The Journal of American Undergound Computing by Scott Davis #3 (April 30, 1994)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jauc04.txt">jauc04.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 161755<BR><TD> The Journal of American Undergound Computing by Scott Davis #4 (June 7, 1994)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jauc05.txt">jauc05.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 129878<BR><TD> The Journal of American Undergound Computing by Scott Davis #5 (August 1, 1994)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jauc06.txt">jauc06.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 292484<BR><TD> The Journal of American Undergound Computing by Scott Davis #6 (October 1, 1994)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jauc07.txt">jauc07.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 423078<BR><TD> The Journal of American Undergound Computing by Scott Davis #7 (January 7, 1994)
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<H1>
</H1>
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<TABLE WIDTH=100%>
<TD BGCOLOR=#00FF00><FONT COLOR=#000000><B>Filename</B></FONT>
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<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JONAS/jonas_11.txt">jonas_11.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 37304<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #11
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JONAS/jonas_12.txt">jonas_12.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 27206<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #12 (October 8, 1995)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JONAS/jonas_13.sur">jonas_13.sur</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5021<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #13 Information
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JONAS/jonas_13.txt">jonas_13.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 39532<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #13 (November 13, 1995)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JONAS/jonas_14.txt">jonas_14.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 58343<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #14 (December, 1995)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JONAS/jonas_15.txt">jonas_15.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 32255<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #15 (February 17, 1996)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JONAS/jonas_16.txt">jonas_16.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 27539<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #16 (April 2, 1996)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JONAS/jonas_17.txt">jonas_17.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 36642<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #17 (April 2, 1996)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JONAS/jonas_18.txt">jonas_18.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 35483<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #18 (May 27, 1996)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JONAS/jonas_19.txt">jonas_19.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 48357<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #19 (1996)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JONAS/jonas_20.txt">jonas_20.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 56584<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #20 (July 28, 1996)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JONAS/jonas_21.txt">jonas_21.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 55369<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #21 (August 28, 1996)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JONAS/jonas_22.txt">jonas_22.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 29610<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #22 (November 25, 1996)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JONAS/jonas_23.txt">jonas_23.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 46010<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #23 (March 13, 1996)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="JONAS/jonas_24.txt">jonas_24.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 38524<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #24 (April 30, 1997)
</TABLE><P><TABLE WIDTH=100%><TR><TD ALIGN=RIGHT><SMALL>There are 15 files for a total of 573,779 bytes.</SMALL></TABLE><P>
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<TD BGCOLOR=#000000><FONT COLOR=#FFFFFF><B>Filename</B></FONT>
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<tab indent=60 id=T><br>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jonas_11.txt">jonas_11.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 37304<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #11
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jonas_12.txt">jonas_12.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 27206<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #12 (October 8, 1995)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jonas_13.sur">jonas_13.sur</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5021<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #13 Information
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jonas_13.txt">jonas_13.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 39532<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #13 (November 13, 1995)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jonas_14.txt">jonas_14.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 58343<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #14 (December, 1995)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jonas_15.txt">jonas_15.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 32255<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #15 (February 17, 1996)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jonas_16.txt">jonas_16.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 27539<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #16 (April 2, 1996)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jonas_17.txt">jonas_17.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 36642<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #17 (April 2, 1996)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jonas_18.txt">jonas_18.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 35483<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #18 (May 27, 1996)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jonas_19.txt">jonas_19.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 48357<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #19 (1996)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jonas_20.txt">jonas_20.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 56584<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #20 (July 28, 1996)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jonas_21.txt">jonas_21.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 55369<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #21 (August 28, 1996)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jonas_22.txt">jonas_22.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 29610<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #22 (November 25, 1996)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jonas_23.txt">jonas_23.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 46010<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #23 (March 13, 1996)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="jonas_24.txt">jonas_24.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 38524<BR><TD> Jonas Issue #24 (April 30, 1997)
</TABLE><P><TABLE WIDTH=100%><TR><TD ALIGN=RIGHT><SMALL>There are 15 files for a total of 573,779 bytes.</SMALL></TABLE><P>
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//01Welcome to Jonas, Biznatch. (Edicius)
$&a. .a&$$$&a. .a&$$$&a. .a&$$$&a. .a&$$$&a.
$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$^$$$$ $$$$^$$$$
$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$
aaa. $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ .a&$$$$$$ $$$$$&aa.
$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$^$$$$ aaaa $$$$
$$$$.$$$$ $$$$.$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$.$$$$ $$$$ $$$$
`$$$$$$$' `$$$$$$$' `$$$ $$$' `$$$$$$$' `$$$$$$$'
jonas?! $&' lf
$'
Here it is, Jonas 11. WOO - FUCKING - HOO. Its out, its out, its
out!@^*!$%^
Nothing much is news-worthy with Jonas. Oh yeah, Jonas is taking an
indefinate leave of absence for alittle while.
You heard it, bitch. On your back, no excuses.
Um. Yeah. Basically, what I'm saying, is that Jonas won't be out
for awhile. SO DON'T BUG ME FOR IT (cough time killer cough. :>)
Um. Here's the reason.
I'm becoming a real 'zine. Yup. I'm becoming a paper 'zine,
jeah!@#
Hopefully. I need the money, so I can get a Post Office Box (I
don't want you sickos having my home address (181 Ridgemount Drive, Salt
Lake City, UT). I also need a legitamate internet account, too. :>
Anyway, as far as the paper Jonas goes, I'll be releasing a
information file before the end of September regarding the future.
As far as real news for this month:
o. Belial <Blade/Cripple> did us two Articles, and an ascii.
o. Also, Lucifer <Blade> did us a few radIk0w asciis.
o. I had a few sites, but like, um, I forget them.
o. EDICIUS IS YOUR LOVE GOD. OH YES. OH YES. OH YES.
Read the 'zine, enlighten yourself, and drink Pepsi (c).
edicius.
jonas vmb @ 800/314/8885::585.
//02Edicius' Editorial (Edicius)
From masturbate.at.the.jonas.org<y>!edicius Mon Sep 4 13:04:49 1995
Return-Path: <edicius@masturbate.at.the.jonas.org>
Recieved: by masturbate.at.the.jonas.org (5.61 / 25)
id AA01437; Mon, 4 Sep 95 13:02:12 -0500
Date: Mon, 4 Sep 95 13:02:12 -0500
From: edicius@masturbate.at.the.jonas.org <RIDE ME ALL NITE LONG EDI>
Message-Id: <9509040808.AA01437@masturbate.at.the.jonas.org>
Aparently-To: sandyb@aol.com
Cc: mogel@hoe.org, willyc@whitehouse.gov, jgoleb@injersey.com
Status: 0
One day, April 1st, 1995, to be exact, I was bored. (Well, not just
on this day, but follow me here.) I looked around at all the different
'zines around. Back then, I was involved with the ansi art scene alittle
more then I am now. I looked at Infinity, I looked at Bitchslap, I
looked at Undergrown. I also looked at Hoe, cDc, and all the other poppa
'zines out there.
I said to myself, "Tom, you too can achieve fame, fortune, and asian
girls in bikinis if you make your own electronic magizine."
So, I sat down, wrote an article or two, drew up some asciis, and
boom, "Bee-Gee" Issue One was almost done.
[----]
WAIT A FUCKING SECOND EDI. BEE GEE?
Yes, "Bee-Gee". I _almost_ named my magizine Bee-Gee, after the
infamous 70's group. I got bored, and didn't feel like working on it
anymore. So I scraped the whole thing. Sorta.
The next day, a typical Saturday night for me, I sat down, and
around eight o'clock, I started work on Jonas. I used some of the stuff
I had from the night before, drew new asciis, and finished the coding.
I released an issue that night, about 5 hours after I originially
started working on it. (Deeply Disturbed (I think it was DeepStah) put
out some magizine that he said was done in 5 hours. HAH. JONAS COPY
CAT.)
The reviews of the 'zine were very mixed. So, I put out an issue
the next day (Sunday), about 12 hours after I released issue one, and
then, I released issues 3 and 4 the next weekend.
[----]
"Is your main objective to be a simple magizine, or are you just an
inexperienced coder looking for fun?" -- Asphixia.
It was a mixture of both. I was just an angstful person looking for
a way to vent my frustrations at the art scene, or something. I love
writing, so I felt like putting together my own magizine.
I also know very little about coding. :>
No matter what I did, I also had Jonas under my belt. Jonas is me.
Without me, Jonas is no more. (Sounds like Eerie and Undergrown. :>)
What I've done with Jonas, is exactly what I've wanted to do with it.
I've never had any senior staff, no co editors, _nothing_. I have very
rarely been influenced by other people, as far as Jonas is concerned.
Jonas is me. Jonas is about 5 months, 11 issues, and countless
hours of hard work. I've put alot into Jonas, and only want the best for
it. Making it into a paper 'zine is what I want to do. Its how I can
reach alot more people, then I can now.
[----]
Over the course of Jonas' history, it's main theme has changed
_greatly_. I started out as a small Ansi mag, without ansi, only ascii.
(Pretty neat concept, eh?) I had the interviews with the big people in
the ansi scene. Rad Man, Wizard of Id, and others.
As time progressed, I changed. Its range of coverage was very wide.
Music, Computers, Politics, amoung many other topics. I still had the
ansi in it, to a small extent. One of my favorite things I've done for
Jonas is the Eerie interview in issue 10.
Its theme has changed, but the heart and spirit of Jonas never
swayed one bit. Jonas would always release, no matter how lame people
thought it would be.
[----]
"Serious content in a magizine quoted as 'a joke' but its creator.
The road to today's cult phenomenom leads to Jonas." -- Diehard
True, very true. Jonas has a pretty strange following. I mean, its
nothing like Deadheads, but I have had alot of people tell me how much
they look forward to Jonas, which pleases me. Jonas was started out as a
joke, I was very shocked when people told me they liked it.
Jonas may, or may not, stop electronic releases, but it will live
on. The spirit of Jonas will remain in the minds of many, forever.
Maybe.
[----]
"Jonas, its more then a 'zine, its a lifestyle." -- Edicius.
I've said those words before in the past, without really thinking
never have they meant more then me, then they do now.
--
tom m. sullivan - edicius@masturbate.at.the.jonas.org<y>
office: (800)314/8885::585 / home: see office / fax: see office
"Jonas, Its more then a 'zine, its a lifestyle." -- Edicius.
"pHEAR mE." -- Mogel
"Nine, or ten, thousand times a day." -- Pip the Angry Conservative.
--
//03A Day in the Life of Edicius (Edicius)
Here's a day in the life of me, Edicius/Tom Sullivan, for September
2nd, 1995.
I woke up around noon, after going to bed around 2:30am. Brushed
myself off, got something to drink, and went to the bathroom. I think I
read the paper, not really sure. I came into my room, played alittle
Sega (Hardball '95, *GREAT* game), and watched TNBC. (Saved by the bell
ROCKS.)
I talked alittle bit on the phone, and started cleaning my room
around 1 or so. Nothing too special there. Around 2:30 or so, I left,
hopped on my bike, and rode to my friends house. Hung out at his house,
watched alittle bit of "Interview with a Vampire", and then took a 3 mile
ride on my bike to taco bell.
After a hearty meal (2 double decker tacos, a steak soft taco, 10
packets of hot sauce, and about 4 refills of Dr. Pepper), I go to the
Wawa (7-11 type store), got a cherry Icee (c) and a pack of Starburst.
Played around with the payphone (I called my answering machine to check
my messages, and tried out a loop number I found, then, the phone was
fucky with me, and tricked me into thinking I could get free calls (I
dial a number for the hell of it, without a coin, and the fone rang, but
after 4 rings, an operator came on asking for change, bitch.)) Being
pissed off at the phone, I covered it with Cherry Icee (c). h0h0.
I rode down the highway to a record store, saw a few cd's I wanted
(newest Teenage Fanclub $4.99 (it was used, and didn't have the front
cover on it), but I bought a Pavement sticker, and got 2 free music
newspapers.
Rode back to my friend's house, hung out, he showed me how to play
the sport "hurling". (Its an major Irish sport, he just came back from
Ireland, and the sport totally rocks. Its like a mixture of field hockey
and rugby.) Played with some hot wheels (I NEEDED MATCHES TO MAKE A
TOTALLY REALISTIC ACCIDENT SCENE, but _no_, my friend wouldn't let me use
them.)
I went to a local shopping center with my friend around 5 or so, got
a big can of Arizona Ice Tea, a can of Dr. Pepper, and a Choco-taco, went
to a playground nearby, and just sat, ate, and went down the slides
backwords and did flips and cool stuff like that.
I came home around 7 or so, did nothing besides watch tv. I
masturbated around 8 or so (a mixture of Alt.sex.stories, and a really
nice looking Meterologist on The Weather Channel (Yes, it was a chick.
Sharon Reseultan.)) Finished cleaning my room and watched the news at
Ten. There was a punk rock riot in New York City today, too.
The only thing that I regret about the day, is "hacking" my friends
answering machine.
Around 11 or so, I was deafly bored. She has been in Hong Kong
since last Saturday, and doesn't come back for a few more days. I called
up, starting pressing keys, and after about 15-20 calls, I got the code.
*PROBLEM*
I got through, and hear, "You have 29 new messages."
Uh-oh.
*ANOTHER PROBLEM*
20 of the messages are, "DOO DOO DEE DAA DOO". (Me hitting the
telephone keypads.)
AND I CAN'T DELETE THE 20 MESSAGES. I EITHER RESET THE WHOLE
FUCKING TAPE, OR LET THEM BE.
Now I don't know what to do. Let them stay, and just totally lie to
her come Tuesday. She may already know that I like to fool around with
phones, I might have mentioned it to her before. I do remember that i
tried doing that to her phone before in the past. Also, another time,
she was pissed off at her sister, and her sister just got a new phone and
answering machine, and I _might_ (I stress "might", I really can't
remember) have said to her something like, "get me her new phone number,
and I can crack her answering machine."
I used *67 before each call, even though I know she doesn't have
caller ID. I just hope she can't find out it was me.
LAMER I AM, FOR I AM THE LAMER.
I don't know, I don't know, I just don't fucking know what to do.
ARG. This is pissing me off.
AND TO TOP IT OFF, I HAVE A FUCKING MISQUITO BITE ON THE BACK OF MY
LEG.
Ah. Fuck it all, I'll get through it.
Thats my angstful life that I lead.
//04Hiroshima: 50 Years After (Terminal V.)
It's August, and as everyone should know, the month of the
bombing of Hiroshima. It was the month that Eisenhower made the
fateful descision to bomb not one, but two major civilian
centers in Japan. The names Hiroshima and Nagasaki are often
used to describe descenes of mass death and destruction. The
bombings of these two cities were the startling conclusion to
the war in the Pacific with Japan. Now, almost 50 years after
the bombing of Japan, many people look back on the incident and
wonder if maybe we didn't go to far in bombing the homes of
innocent civilians and that maybe the price of our win was much
higher than we ever should have allowed it to go. It seems now
that the popular sentiment is to bash the US's decision to bomb
Japan.
Often I bash the US for various decisions and policies, however
it must be known that I totally agree with Eisenhowers descision
to bomb Japan. However horrible it be that over 300,000
innocents died in the two blasts, I think that it would have
been more horrible had many millions died. Millions of soldiers
continuing to fight the war, the blood of many more people would
have been shed had we not forced Japan to stop and surrender. It
is often said that the needs of the many outweight the needs of
the few, and many people agree that this statement is both
callous and coldly logical, however it is most appropriate in
this case. It was worth the lives of 300,000 men, women and
children in order to save the lives of millions of soldiers.
It is often at this juncture that people get up on their
soapboxes quivering with moral outrage, that innocents never
asked to be involved in a war and that soldiers are paid to die
for their countries, shouting that the deaths of innocent
children are inexcusable. True as these words may be, it should
be said that the deaths of soldiers are no less tragic or
terrible than the deaths of pregnant women and small children.
These men who were brothers, fathers, husbands, and uncles went
off and died by the millions in foreign lands. It was the deaths
of innocents which helped to bring about needless death on a
larger scale. Just because they are soldiers doesn't mean their
lives are any less valuable than a woman or childs.
Note: All facts and figures used in the artical were obtained
from the August 7th, 1995 issue of Time magazine.
//05Vampire Part I (Terminal Velocity)
Morius looked out upon the fogged over San Franciso bay. Longing
filled his eyes and the ever present cloud of depression hung low about
him, thicker than the mist which enshrouded the bay. He had been a vampire,
or as they call themselves, the Kindred for far too long he felt. He felt
weary of the constant hunger which gnawed away at his soul and slowly
turned him in to something much more evil than any human could ever imagine,
slowly turning him in to the evil, amoral creature know to every one of the
Kindred and the Beast. It was because of his weariness that he felt it was
time for him to seek the respite from the horrors of his curse of living
death, a respite known as Golconda. Unfortunatly for Morius, he lacked the
will and the motivation required to reach that blessed state. He had however,
heard that if one sought out Caine, father of all vampires, and asked him,
tha Caine would reveal the secret to Golconda and allow the seeker to be
spared the journey of self discover which often marks the first part of the
ordeal required to reach Golconda. Morius shook himself out of his thoughtful
revere and calmly awaited the arrival of his first candidate for being one of
his seekers.
Finally as the moon began it's descent which would herald the comming
of dawn, Morius' patience was rewarded by the sound of the soft footsteps of
his first candidate. Stepping into view, intent upon the young man he had been
tracking for several blocks, the hunter stopped to sniff the air so that he
might orient once again on the location of his victem. Finally after a few
moments of sniffing the air he caught the scent of his victem and started to
go off when the sudden appearence of a tall dark man stopped him. Before
speaking Morius looked over this man. A tall man, with a lean muscular build,
walked with the gait of a cat stalking it's prey and could almost be taken
for human until you saw his face. Like some many who are members of the
vampire clan Nosferatu, the man was hideously ugly and even expecting it
Morius was still aghast at this man's looks.
" Finally you have arrived," Morius said. " I was hoping you would
have arrived sooner than this, but beggers or course, may not be choosers."
" Who are you to be awaiting my arrival?", the man asked.
" I sir am Morius and you, if I am not mistaken, are non other than
the Nosferatu named Jasper," Morius replied.
" And to what do I owe the honour of your interest?" the man replied.
" I am seeking a strong man, capable in both mind and body to seek out
something very dear to me. I would ask that you would search for our fabled
father known as Caine. Do not worry, I plan on rewarding you for work by
offering you all my worldly goods, which if the reputation of the knowledge of
the Nosferatu is overstated, you must assuredly know the amount, " Morius said
" Indeed your wealth is known to me, and a considerable amoun it is.
However the task you request of me boarders on impossible as know one, human,
Kindred or otherwise, save Caine, knows his location. I fear that you would be
wasting my time and your money on this fools errand as surely you know that my
sense of honour would not allow me to stop looking for him until I have
completed the terms of our contract, and I hate to breake it to you, but I
have better ways to spend the rest of eternity," Jasper replied.
Looking down at the ground, seemingly contemplating the cracks in the
pavement Morius let loose a deep sigh and looked to the sky as if asking some
divine power to give him the strength to continue the conversation. After a
few moments spent collecting his thoughts and his patience, he turned around
and gazed at Jasper. Finally he spoke.
" I am privy to information that there is a journal which contains
the last know whereabouts of Caine and which will allow for you to check
the most recent location in it, following a trail of sorts," Morius answered.
After a moment he said, " With this information the quest would become
feasble and you and the others would be able to find him for me. In exchange
I will give you a share of my worldly goods."
" Others," Jasper replied in a questioning tone. " What others would
these be? I thought you meant me and me alone."
" I highly doubt you would be able to accomplish such a formidable
task on your own. What I am asking you to do would require a large array of
varying talents. There are two others. A man from the Gangrel beast clan
know as Argos, and the other is a rather petite woman who is from the
Tremere wizard clan and she is called Simone. It is with those two you shall
be traveling and with those two you shall be sharing the money, " Morius
explained.
" I see, " Jasper said, " but when do we get this information?"
" You shall receive the information for your objective when I have
brought all of you together in one place," replied Morius in quiet tones.
" And when is that? "
" Tomorrow night, " replied Morius and with that he walked off in
to the shadows of the alley disappearing from view.
Jasper looked at the sky and cursed when he saw it was slowly getting
lighter with the impending dawn. Angry that he would be going to bed hungry,
he ran down the street towards his haven so that he might be protected by the
suns killing light and live to see the night once more.
To be continued....
//06How to Piss Off Someone (Belial)
The first thing that you can do to totally piss someone off is to
take a can of spray paint, (red is a nice color), and spray racial
slurs all over their house... Now this is a great way to insult and to
piss a lot of people off at the same time... and your true enjoyment
comes when the home owners get jumped by the linch mob that saw all your
slurs spraypainted in red all over the house...
The next way to piss someone off real bad is to slaughter their
animals in strange, abnormal ways... But, in order to do this you have
to make sure that the people you plan on angering have animals to
slaughter... Now, what you can do is, if the animal is small, feed it to
the blender and the put it in a plastic bag and set it on the persons
porch with a simple note saying, "Fluffy", or whatever the animals name is.
If the animal is big (horse) then get an good, sharp axe and do what the
blender would do to the smaller animal... then get a garbage bag and stuff
the animal inside of it, and once again leave a small note saying, "Big
Fluffy", or whatever the large animals name was... This will have the effect
of really pissing the person off so make sure you are out of the area when
the people find the bag or bags if they have more than 1 animal...
3. Kinda old fashioned, but you can set a burning cross on the persons
front yard... Then, for effect, dress up in a white sheet, make sure the
sheet is white because a pink and flowery sheet won't work right at all,
then prop a pillow case on your head, dance around singing songs full of
racial insults... Now, if the person, or people you are trying to piss off
are black then wear a bullet-proof vest under the sheet, because you are
going to get shot... If the people/person you plan on pissing off are from
"the country" then wear two bullet-proof vests, because you are going to
get shot with a bigger gun, probably a shot gun... Now this really pisses
a lot of people so count on getting shot a bunch of times.. In fact, what
you can do is have one of your friends, one that you don't really like all
that much, dress up for you, that way you don't have to get shot and you
can piss the people off, as well as your friend...
4. For the next way to piss someone off you are going to need a few
supplies... here is a short list:
a. few boards (about 4 or 5)
b. a bunch of two-by-fours (40 or so)
c. a few boxes of nails (10 penny would do it)
d. a hammer
e. a car with a loud stereo
f. a small log (about 2-3 inches think. 3 feet tall)
g. a old t-shirt
h. some gas
i. a lighter
ok, now, real late at night go to persons house, park your car
across the street and blast some music, not rap, most suburban family's
don't like it and they may call the cops on you and that would piss you
off, not the desired effect... Some Chicago would be great... maybe some
Journey, even a little White Snake would do the job... Ok, the music is
going to distract the people from what you are going to do... First take
the boards, the nails, and the hammer... Nail a board up over the front
and back door, and over any big windows... Next, use the two-by-fours and
nail them up over all the remaining windows except one... Make sure the
house is totally secure from anyone getting in or out, except from the
one window you left open... (make sure the music is still on) Alright,
your almost done... take your old t-shirt and wrap it around the log you
got... then drench the t-shirt in the gas and set it on fire... Now take
your torch and throw it into the window you left alone... now really fast
board up the window... run to your car, turn the music down and yell real
loud, "Do you smell something burning dear?" then skid out and drive away.
This is really really really really going to piss these people off, why
cuz they are stuck inside of a burning house, with NO escape, so try to
be out of the state, or even better the country within the hour...
That ends part one of this small but enlightening series of "Ways to Piss
People Off Really Really Bad!" Written and produced solely for your enjoyment
by the hand of belial...for more crazy ways to piss people off call:
Avalon at 9o8.739.4274...
//07To Live is to Die (Belial)
What is this life? What is the answer? Can you answer, you, do
you have the power to answer this? Take care and word this properly, for
in my opinion there is no answer to this question. Why ask then, why not?
Life. It is beautiful, in its savage glory. But, when does it go to
far? What gives another man, man being mankind, the power to tell another man
what to do, or how to act. What makes one man more powerful than another?
These are all questions I ask the world and myself. Do I know the
answer? In my heart, I know what's right to me. I am a man and I am an
individual, my ways are not your ways and my answers are not the same as
yours, but does that make my answers any less valid?
This life, in my opinion, is great, great because of what it is.
Man isn't evil or good, man is both. Man is the perfect union of total evil
and total good. That is how we survive and prosper. In my opinion there is
no good at all, because somewhere it has been effected by evil. Evil is not
bad, evil is natural, just as natural as good.
With life there always follows death. Leading me to ask, what is
death? And, where does the soul, if there is a soul, go when the body dies?
This question is just as complex as life itself, and probably, as in life,
there is no answer to death. And, with the little knowledge I have, I know
that life, great as it is, and death, great as it is, has no real meaning
for me at all. I am born, I live, and I die, all with no meaning. Maybe the
meaning will be shown to me when I die, maybe not, but I am secure knowing
that life is no more than death, and with death a life without meaning,
ends...
(------)
These are just a few thoughts I have had... No, I am not suicidal or anything
like that... =) Anyway, if you would like to get in contact with me just
call my board, Avalon at .908.739.4274. Thanx, laterz...
//08Jump on the Bandwagon (Edicius)
I just sat down, and re-read alot of old issues of Pez. Pez is
definally one of the best 'zines ever created. Pez was just the epitome
of a text file 'zine. Editorials and Commentary's on a range of
subjects, great short stories, and little rants and ramblings on
everything. Anyway, thats not the point. I just re-read Murmur's
article on Liberalism in Pez # 24. I'm not going to re-write it, read it
yourself. But the one part that struck me the most, summerized of
course, is when he said that "no one has any balls, no one will go out
and buy an album without hearing anything from it beforehand. alot of
people follow a blind trend." thats basically what he said in one part.
(sorry to murmur if i totally missed the point. :>)
[----]
i find this to be _very_ true. in my area, very few people know the
hell half of the bands i listen to are. i've had my friends look at my
cd's and basically go "duuh."
the other day, i went to a record store near my house, one of the
few places i can get smaller records (dead milkmen, they might be giants,
etc), basically, anything i can't get at the wiz. (the big record store
around here.) i only had about 3 bucks on me, and i saw a pavement
sticker i wanted to get. these two chicks walk in, and buy the new
michael jackson single, "you are not alone", and some jodeci single.
they looked at the sticker, gave me a strange look, and had no idea who
the hell pavement was.
in my yearbook last year, they had a survey. one of the questions
was "what is your favorite album". the top four picks were: pearl jam;
vitalogy, green day; dookie, nirvana; unplugged, pearl jam; ten. with an
"honarable mention" going to nirvana; nevermind.
ACK. pearl jam, green day, and nirvana? what the hell is this
crud? where's frank black? where's pavement? where's they might be
giants? WHERE'S WEEZER GOD DAMNIT?
those bands aren't on there, for one simple reason: no one has heard
of them.
alot of people in my school jumped on a bandwagon, at one point or
another. i admitantly have done that in the past, too. but i've seen
the light. um. yeah.
the worst part about bandwagons, is that they happen _very_ late.
matthew sweet didn't get overly popular until after his 5th album. blues
traveler had 4 albums before they made it big. everyone calls hootie and
the blowfish the "hottest new band", when they've been around for 10
years. everyone thinks that "cracked rear view" is their only album,
when they've had 2 indie releases.
don't get me wrong. i love hootie and the blowfish. i heard them
on local radio stations about a year before they made mtv. last summer,
about 2 months before "hold my hand" became popular, i heard their album,
and loved it. if i had a cd player at that point, i would have gotten
the cd then. but i still got the cd before most of the people i know got
it.
(in febuary, when the new hootie album comes out, i'm the first to
buy it. :>)
i went out, bought my frank black albums, without ever hearing any
song. i bought pavement's wowie zowie, i didn't even know who pavement
was. the point is, i don't follow trends, the people are my school do,
thus, i am cooler.
well, take away the cooler part. i just have better taste in music.
//09Edi's List o' Cd's (Edicius)
. .. a public service message from:
$$$$$&<26> ,&$$$&,
$$$$ ,&$$$&, $$$$$&. ,&$$$&, $$$^`$$ .
$$$ $$$^$$$ $$$^$$$ $$$^$$$ $$$ `
.o&$$$^ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ `$$$$$,
$$$$$$, $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ ,`$$$ $$, :
`$$$$$$$, $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$j$$$ ,$$ $$$ $^$$, &
____________ `$$$$$$$j$$$, $$$j$$$ $$$ $$$ $$$$$$$ $$$ $$$ . `$$,j$ _bl.blade!__
`$$$'^`$$$$$,`$$$$$' $$$ $$$ $$$^$$$ $$$j$$$ `$$$'
$' `$$$$$&. `$$ $$' `$$$$$' `$'
: `$ $' `$$$' :
. : : `$'
. :
. .
. .
Hi. I figured I should enlighten everyone out there reading this
'zine. So, in my ongoing quest to help everyone, here is my list of cd's
you should go out and buy, and cd's you should go out and scrap, burn the
tape if you have them, too. (Yes, I know this is a semi ripoff of Black
Francis' list Pez # 22, sorry bF. :>)
[----]
Get these cd's, right now.
Weezer; Weezer
Civ; Set Your Goals
Every Pixies Album ever made.
Frank Black; His self-tittled debut, Teenager of the Year is pretty
good too.
Every They Might Be Giants Album ever made.
Hootie and the Blowfish; Cracked Rear View (You can join the small
group of six million people to buy this record!)
Smashing Pumpkins; Siamese Dream
Violent Femmes; Violent Femmes & Add It Up
Swinging Utters; The Streets of San Fransico
The Soundtrack to the movie of Judgement Night
Better Then Ezra; Delux
Pavement; Wowie Zowie & Slanted and Enchanted
Cracker; Their self titled debut & Kerosene Hat
Chucklehead; Big Wet Kiss
Any U2 Album ever made.
Cranberries; No Need to Argue
Mighty Mighty Bosstones; Don't Know How to Party
(There's more you should buy, but, well, this is a good start.)
[----]
Burn and avoid these cd's.
Any Green Day or Offspring Cd.
That "Best of the 90's" Cd advertised on TV. (Including great 90's
hits like "Ice Ice Baby", "I'm Too Sexy", and "Unbelieveable".)
Hammer; The first one, with "Can't Touch This" on it, and Too Legit
To Quit. There's a few songs on The Funky Headhunter that I kinda like.
:>)
Every Hole Cd ever made.
All of the Nirvana Cd's, except for Nevermind. This includes
Incesticide, In Utero, and the Unplugged Cd.
Any Cd by Heavy D and the Boyz.
[----]
There, you are now enlighted. Your soul has been sanctified.
//10My Favorite Messages (Edicius)
here's two messages that i captured a _long_ time ago, that i thought
were both pretty cool. :>
[----]
dATE: 10:40 pm Sat Jul 15, 1995 nUMBER : 69 oF 81
fROM: Rattle bASE : [Phear] H/P Mags
tO : Hooch rEFER #: 43
sUBJ: Re: Hootie rEPLIES: nONE
sTAT: sENT oRIGIN : lOCAL
E> GOOD FOR LAUGHS?! ARE YOU JOKING?! ITS GREAT TO JERK OFF TO!@
H>
H> why do i have the feeling you're not the kind of person i'd want to meet? <g
what? edi?!?@
hes just your average little chubby red-head who jerks off too much..
--- Renegade v10-05 Exp
* Origin: .oO) tLoRaH (Oo. [6o9]698-i358 - 2 Nodes - 5 Gigs (173:609/1)
[----]
dATE: 10:48 pm Sat Jul 15, 1995 nUMBER : 74 oF 83
fROM: Rattle bASE : [Phear] H/P Mags
tO : Edicius rEFER #: 62
sUBJ: Re: Hootie rEPLIES: nONE
sTAT: sENT oRIGIN : lOCAL
W> hey you guys are good for jerking off..whoops i mean for laughs.
E>
E> hey baby. you know, if you come to dummercon, i'm sure you and me can g
E> a secluded place somewhere for a few minutes.
Yea.. you could go somewhere alone and you could make a move on her and she
could laugh at you..
btw-- that was really pathetic tom..
--- Renegade v10-05 Exp
* Origin: .oO) tLoRaH (Oo. [6o9]698-i358 - 2 Nodes - 5 Gigs (173:609/1)
//11Review: The Warped Tour (Edicius)
The Warped Tour/Stone Pony, Asbury Park, NJ/August 18th, 1995.
[----]
"Extreme music meets extreme sports."
That was the theme of the concert, spawned from the promoters of the
Lollapaloza-type touring show. They summed up the concert to a key.
13 Bands, professional skaters and bikers, and great times, all for
15 bucks. Can you ask for a better deal? Well, I can, I won the tickets
from a local radio station. :>
Armed with my guest pass, my good friend Steve, and 2 packs of
Starburst, I make my way inside about 2 o'clock, about 2 hours after the
thing started. Luckily, I didn't miss much. Just Wizo (a second-stage
band from Germany), and I forget who played the main stage at the point,
I believe it was Fluf and Orange 9mm.
A punk band from California, called Swinging Utters, took the stage.
They were pretty good, very interesting, to say the least. They played
many songs off of their last album, "Streets of San Fransico" <see review
on the same cd.> "Teenage Genocide", "Tied down, spit on", and
"Storybook Disease", were three of their songs that got the most reaction
from the crowd, and well deserved, too.
I hung around, watched the skaters and bikers doing some _very_
impressive things, and finnally, 3:30 came. Civ would be coming on the
second stage in 20 minutes, so I got a good standing spot, about 10 feet
from the stage, and soon after, the place was packed.
I came to the concert only really wanting to see Civ, so I was
estatic. They did a pretty quick, but intense, set, including their
songs "Boring Summer", "Set Your Goals", "Can't Wait One Minute More",
and a few others. Civ was definally the most anticipated band for the
second stage, and they showed everyone why.
During "Can't Wait One Minute More", the lead singer, Civ, said,
"I'm old, and I'm fucking tired. If you want to sing, just hop over the
guys in blue in front of the stage (guards), do a belly roll onto the
stage, and grab the microphone." One person actually did go up there and
sang with the band.
Civ left the stage, alittle earlier then most people would have
liked, but many people were pleased regardless.
The next band to take the second stage, was "Tilt". A hardcore band
from California, I believe. Personally, I didn't like them very much,
but that is largely due to the fact that their audio was terrible, and
the microphone went out at least 5 times during their 40 minute set.
"Sick of it all" was the last band that I stayed to see. They are a
very good hardcore band, and were highly anticipated, due to the fact
that they are originally from the area. They did alot of really good
songs, but during their last song (for the life of me, I forget the
name), someone only a few feet from me got trampled on. Scary stuff.
Unfortunally I didn't see any of the tour headliners, L7, Quicksand,
and others. The concert was still very good, regardless. From what I
was told, the second stage bands, especially Civ and Sick of It All, put
on a better show then most of the main stage bands.

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jonas - issue twelve - october eighth, 1995
jonas is produced roughly monthly by edicius. copyrighted by edicius,
it may be freely redistributed as long as this copyright noticed is
included within the file. oh; make sure you don't charge people for this,
either, dummy.
============================================================================
well if you're friends with pee % then you're friends with me
if you're down with pee % then you're down with me
% the rentals (weezer side-project) % 'friends with pee'
============================================================================
-+ edicius' editorial +-
-+ written by the funk-e master<bater>, edicius +-
it's been awhile, howdy.
welcome to jonas, issue 12. its been a long time since i've released
an issue of jonas. reason for this being that i had this crazy notion that i
might be able to convert jonas, the electronic issue, to a paper 'zine. hah.
well, not quite. i'm gonna put that side project on hold for alittle bit. i'm
doing good in school for once, i don't have too much money, and i actually
have a life now. so, if/when jonas goes paper, it won't be until early '96 at
the earliest.
but edi! we want to see jonas in a different print matter!@
"fuggoff."
i also decided to change the format a bit. the whole coding bit was
getting a bit out of hand. it was too much trouble to gather all of the work,
and then code it all. bah. its easier to copy it all into one 'uge text
file. :) in case you're wondering, the fact that the 'zine looks a tad bit
like the way pEz monthly used to look, and sorta how dto looks now. well, it
was and wasn't on purpose. i looked at a variety of 'zines out there, pulled
the best characteristics out of them, and combined them into this. don't yell
at me or anything because you think i ripped your 'zine, b0tch.
what else is on the agenda? well. oh, the world head quarters.
that pesky little thing. aneurysm, our former whq, went down. so, i
scowered the area far and wide (well, not really, i only call 3 boards), and
decided to give belial's board, avalon, the world head quarters position.
wait a sec; belial? avalon? warez i hear that before?
you probably heard of it if you ever read klunk. its belial's zine.
pretty good one at that.
give avalon a call, the number is at the end of the editorial. there
is a jonas sub-menu located just off of the matrix. better yet, you can
always make an account on there. (good board. a helluva lot of text files
(i should know, i uploaded them all :).. ), 300-2400 baud _only_, with 5
disk drives on-line, running waffle.)
so, now that's cleared up. i don't believe there is anything else
noteworthy, as far as jonas goes. i believe this new 'era' of jonas should
be pretty good, in my opinion. the looks of this issue, so be it small, it
should be good. (hey, i actually wrote alot of stuff this issue. isn't
that a shocker? :> )
in case you are wondering, jonas 13 should be out about the 13th of
november. don't bug me for it until then. (13 on the 13th? eerie. thats
a julbilee.)
time to go. see you later, 'net dweebs.
elyte edi.
[------]
jonas can be reached via the following methods:
electronic mail - belial@raven.cybercomm.net
bulletin board system - whq; avalon, (908) 739/4274
-+ create a new account or use the guest account;
-+ name: jonas / pw: guest (log on via the matrix jonas option)
voice mail system - (800) 314/8885, box - 585
web page - coming soon, probably.
============================================================================
-+ "we the jury, find the defendant orethal james simpson.." +-
-+ written by edicius +-
know what? i don't know about you, but i'm pretty much sick of the
whole oj trial. thank god its over.
the trial can be called a slap on the judicial system of america. it
can be used to show how bad our country is right now; but it doesn't matter.
our judicial system has been made fun of numerous times in the past, and
this won't be the last case of it. we've weathered it this far, we'll
weather it again.
anyhoot, back to my original point;
you get a high profile case -- william kennedy smith, mike tyson, the
menedez brothers, hell, even the lindbergh case back in the 30's -- and the
media has a field day. why? because the person that has been put up on a
pedistal, with people just waiting for them to fall down. the minute they
fall down, the police, prosecution, and news media are all there.
we create the idols. we create their enviroment. then, we wonder why
they fall. we wonder why they did what they did; be it rape, murder, or
anything else. after the celebrity gets convicted, or aquitted, only then do
people say how bad our country is, how bad the judicial system is, and that
we need to reform. the key thing is; our country has been in a pile of shit
for a long time now, but no one realizes that fact. the media doesn't cover
very many trials like they did with the oj simpson trial.
"quick! where are those damn menedez kids?" -- cnn
====================================================
speaking of the news media. i feel bad for the television stations,
in a way. cnn totally rearranged their daily scheduale to air the trial in
its entirety. granted, cnn gained alot of ratings because of the trial, but
now what? most tv-news stations have 'expert legal analysists', specifically
for the trial. i turn on espn, of all stations, and see that they even have
a legal expert. (granted; i know oj is a big sports star, and that espn
should have covered it like they did, but a espn trial analyst? not
something i'd be proud of on my resume.)
we live in a society where all we like to see is other people's
misery. if i was judge lance ito, i would have never even let the cameras in
the courtroom in the first place. thats what killed the whole trial. for
christ's sake, that was a trial that could decide the future for oj simpson.
had he been found guilty, he would be in prison. we, as a country, went too
far in the whole thing.
t-shirts, bumperstickers, songs, courtroom tv analysts -- everything
was imaginable with this trial. it just went too damn far. we never should
have let the cameras in, in the first place.
just to show you how big this trial actually was, here's an example.
in my school, we have a cable system, in which we have a small news show in
the morning with the daily announcments, instead of reading them over the pa
system. (before that comes on; we also air "channel one", a news program
specifically for schools. some of you reading this may be familar with it.)
anyway;
at one o'clock, when the verdict was to be read, the school thought
it would appease the students, and play a radio broadcast of the trial via
the television system. the period which i would be in at one o'clock,
happened to be history. i had a big test that period, which i was quite
anxious to get at.
at the beginning of class, my teacher says that he won't be turning
on the tv because of the test. kids respond with the usual jeers to him,
saying stuff like, "but c'mon! we have to watch it! this is history in the
making, man!" i was fine with it, i personally didn't really care to listen
to the verdict. i would be content with finding out the verdict fifteen
minutes later, after i take my test.
but no, the kids keep yelling, "we want to see the verdict!" i was
real pissed off, their yelling and childish bickering, was taking away the
precious time that i needed to take my test. to top it all off, one kid in
my class says, "we need to watch the trial. i have $250 riding on the
descion!"
wait a sec; so lemme get this straight. you're betting, whether or
not a normal, innocent human being, is guilty of murdering two people?
you're betting on wheter he will be going to jail for the rest of his life,
or not? that's insane. i'm sure you also hang around the county courthouse
betting on the drunk driver sentences, too. asshole.
thats one thing that pissed me off the most.
anyway, bickering ends, i take my test, the teacher caves in and puts
the tv on for a few minutes, and lets us hear the verdict. i almost don't
finish because of all their bickering after the verdict is announced.
fucking assholes don't let me concentrate.
the oj trial was a mockery, yes; the oj trial taught us a lesson, yes
and no. it did show us how bad our judicial system can be, it also showed us
how bad the media can be, but did we learn from that? nope. next big name
trial, let's see if we don't do to them, what we did with oj.
[------]
oh; in case you wonder, did oj _really_ do it? nope. i don't think
so. fred goldman did it, i'm sure.
============================================================================
-+ nato and the serbs +-
-+ written by superdave +-
this one is a wee bit out of date. i originally got it sometime in
early september, but its written really well, i just can't let it go to
waste. thanks to superdave for an excellent article.
[------]
if you haven't been living in a cave, or the ansi scene for the past
year or so, you'd know about the contraversy over in europe. if you have
been living in a show, here's a little summary of the current events. just
behind the boot of italy there is a country called bosnia. it's capital,
sarajevo, was attacked and conqured by rebel serb forces -- about a year
or two ago. as usual the united nations stepped in to help the people of
bosnia (this is, of course, after the killings and the famine had come to
the eyes of the world). as pictures of injured and decapatated people came
into the news and everyday paper, people were outraged. of course the french
had to strike off thier jobs, and the united states had to insist of
helping.
until about three weeks ago, the entire un involvement in bosnia was
a peaceful effort to supply bosnian citizens with food, water, aid and
shelter. there had been a few isolated incidents where rebel serbs had
attacked, and blocked access to un trucks and personal. since the early
pictures and stories that we have recieved from bosnia, there have been
countless shellings of the capitol, sarajevo. the most recient
attact/shelling was an open air market in down town sarajevo. this barbaric
and random act of violence forced the united nations to launch what the
world has pleaded for since the begining. nato air strikes. the command was
sent down to protect the people of bosnia, protect the un safe zones, and to
send a message that the rest of the world is not a paper tiger (in other
words, empty threats -- like the united states prior to wwii). the strikes
were also to a certian form of "punnishment" as a united nations rep told
reporters, for the shelling of sarajevo.
royal air force harrier fighters left their base in gioia del colle,
italy, and abord the uss roseavelt around the 1st. thier mission was to
take out key serb military buildings, and supply houses (much like the
bombings of baghdad). many targets such as ammunition supply houses,
surface to air missle sites, and "heavy artillery" were destroyed in the
first string of attacks. the attacks were declaired as a victory, but for
who? the citizens of bosnia? the united nations? the world's concie(sp)?
unfortanuately, like life, something went wrong. a french fighter
was shot down by a shoulder launched, heat seaking missile. i read an
article saying that a farmer with an old natzi pistol witnessed the plane
crash, and captured the french pilot. as his story goes, 5 minutes later an
armored jeep belonging to the serb army came down in search of the downed
pilots. the farmer handed them over, and hasn't heard anything since. the
rebel serbs have not disclosed their knowledge about the two missing pilots,
but the have encriminating remarks, sticking the united nation's with a
tough decision (and of course, the french outraged :).
the un set a deadline for the troops and heavy equipment covering the
perimiter of sarajevo's "safe zone" to move. on the 5th of september, that
deadline had expired, and the air strikes were renewed. the losses to the
rebel serbs was aparently too great, so they moved some of their 300
artillery pieces, tanks and other heavy weapons more than 12<31> miles outside
of sarajevo. what they moved was far short of all their heavy artillery.
this was considered noncompliance, so their punnishment was more airstrikes.
in reply to this, a bosnian serb general military commander said, "no one,
not even myself has the right to order the withdrawal. this is... not in the
jurisdiction of generals." needless to say, they're pissed.
this is where we are. this situation resembles much of the battle<s>
over palstien, where the serbs are the arabs returning to their holy land.
is history doomed to repeat it's self here? will the united nations decide
it's their buissness to deploy ground troops, and wipe out the rebel serbs?
what does the ec doing to help? what will become of this lavish area just
inside of europe?
that's enough intelectual stimulation for today. :)
============================================================================
-+ hey adults!@ +-
-+ from edi's log file +-
jesus, i'm just going log file happy today:
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>Ŀ <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>Ŀ <20> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>Ŀ <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>Ŀ
<20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20>
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>Ĵ <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>Ŀ
<20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20>
<20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
STOP BY AND SAY HELLO TO LINDA OUR NEW CO-SYSOP
SHE IS HOSTING OUR TALK DIRTY TO ME CONFERENCE #69
PLEASE MAKE HER FEEL AT HOME. SHE IS FAIRLY NEW TO THE AREA,
AS WELL AS BBSING. I THINK YOU WILL FIND HER STORIES HOT!!!!
<20><>Ŀ <20><>Ŀ <20><><EFBFBD> <20><>Ŀ <20> <20> <20>
<20><> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20><>Ĵ <20>
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> o
============================================================================
-+ warez the paper jonas edi? +-
-+ answered by edicius +-
well. i'm putting off releasing jonas as a paper 'zine for alittle
bit, probably untill early '96. 'why?' you ask, read on silly wanker honky
boy.
the reason is simple. for once, in a few years, i am getting good
grades in school. i'm actually working hard, joining clubs and stuff, and
studying. i've got more 95's and 100's in the first 3 weeks of school, then
i got all of last year. with all of the clubs i'm doing, too, my weekday
scheduale is pretty packed. any 3 days a week i'm staying after school for
various stuff. i'm actually partcipating in school activities.
another reason, you want? well, i also have a lack of funds. in
december i turn 16. then, i will get a job, earn some money, and have
enough financial backing to get the neccasary stuff for the 'zine, and i
will also be settled into enough of a routine at school, that i can work on
jonas more.
see, silly? answer your question?
============================================================================
-+ celebrity stalking for fame and fortune +-
-+ written by edicius +-
so, you wanna be a stalker? you can stalk anyone, but you won't get
the real fame until you stalk the celebrities. no one cares if you stalk
your 16 year old ex-girlfriend. nope-nope. you need to stalker someone
famous. celebrity stalkers get all the chicks. here's a simple step by step
guide to celebrity stalking:
o. step one: find you victim. don't pick someone at random, you need a
reason to pick this person. pick someone in power, someone that can
easily influence other people, if need be. musicians and people in
government are both real good places to start.
you can either pick someone you really like or someone you really hate.
it doesn't matter, stalkers pick both. just remember; pick someone big,
someone powerful.
o. send them mail. lots of it. in the electronic age, this is easier then
ever, with more people having email addresses. send them lots of it.
get a script, and send them hundreds of pieces of mail an hour. if you
can, time it so they won't find out about it for a few days, that way
they have alot of mail to delete. if they're on compuserve, they have to
pay for all the mail they recieve after a set amount. haha. paying for
their own harassment.
if you're going to send regular mail, write lots of it. make photocopies
of really gross and disgusting pictures. send them so much mail. you
will have to pay for postage, but so what? its in the name of being a
stalker, its all worth it.
now: here's some addresses to help you out:
courtney love trent reznor
171 lake washington blvd east 10050 cielo drive
seattle, wa 98112 los angeles, ca
70277.2502@compuserve.com rush limbaugh
71511.460@compuserve.com ross perot
73136.3232@compuserve.com roger ebert (the fat one)
76326.126@compuserve.com pat buchanan
mmbstn@aol.com mighty mighty bosstones
Bosstone10@aol.com dickey barret (mmb)
gregg@badreligion.com bad religion (not sure about this one)
Weezer999@aol.com weezer!@(
LesClPool@aol.com Les Claypool (Primus)
Lerlelonde@aol.com Ler, the bastard (Primus)
billg@microsoft.com billy g money gates
(i got these from a variety of sources. thanks to them all :>)
o. now, find out where they live. in some cases, this is easier then
others. if you live in new york city, you're in the vincinity of
mega-stars. just go and walk around, you're bound to see some, then
follow them home. easy, eh? (i know where madonna lives, ner ner.)
if you live in kentucky, well, you're out of luck. no one really stalks
country music stars. :> but don't give up! think airline tickets,
train tickets, station wagon road trip!
now, you go to their house, and repetedly, three to eight times a week,
break into their house. if they're not there, steal their stuff. you
can make quite a hefty profit hauking their stuff on the corner to
whinos. steal undergarments, there alot of perverse people out there that
are always looking for them, thus, a bigger profit. make a mess, piss on
the way, make sure they know you were there, and make sure they know that
its the same person breaking in to their house time after time.
if they are home, well, go to the next step.
o. kill them. yes, thats right, kill them. but not before torturing and
raping them beforehand. make them do weird things; for the musician,
have them release a cd in your honor. have all the procedes from the cd
go to you, and you only. no money-grubing managers here, eh-yup.
make sure you kidnap them first tho, and make sure you leave alot of
ransom notes, each pointing in a different direction, as far as clues go.
make demands for awkward things. in the first note, you demand that all
south amazonian river monkies be freed from oppression. second note,
demand a monkey fur hat. let you mind flow on this one.
make sure the method in which you kill them in really bizarre. shot
them. not with a gun, fire shoulder-propelled rockets at them. make a
big X in their stomach, and aim for that. odds are, no matter where you
hit them, there won't be much left over.
after you kill them, dice them up in 'bite-sized' bits, and hauk them to
whinos on the corner. if bras and underware fetch a good bit of lettuce,
then imagine what the _actual celebrity_ will get. good, eh?
[------]
if you followed these steps, you're guarenteed fame from the media
(like they would let something like this slip by), fortune after you write
your book and after you sell the movie rights, and a very promising life
behind bars.
===========================================================================
-+ aRE eWE a pUNX? +-
-+ from the capture files of edicius +-
green day has a new album, insomnia, coming out. eeck. more stuff
for those big time radio stations to play. (that song, _geek stink breath_,
or whatever, sounds alot like everything on dookie -- sucky.)
speaking of green day, i found this one on a local mbbs board.
Ok, here's the info for Green Day...
Real Name: Tre Cool Sex: M Age: 18
Aliases: Billie Joe, Mike
City/State: nj
Voice Phone#: unlisted
Physical Description: earings, chains, green hair(dyed), your average punk
Comp. Phone#: unlisted Online Service: none
Favorite Movie: american graffiti Favorite TV Show: mtv
Favorite Music: punk rock Instrument Played: drums, guitar
Favorite Foods: green eggs
Favorite Sport: moshing
Other Hobbies/Interests: playing the drums, fiddlin on the ol guitar
General Info: kicking ass on the drums like tre
green day rules
Summary: im a punk, are you
ahahahaahah. my insides are hurting.
============================================================================
-+ edi's tdd calls +-
there's a service, its supposed to be used by the deaf. its the tdd
relay service. the normal user of it calls it via a special fone with a
keypad, and a screen, and thats how they place the call. funny thing is,
with a modem initialized down to 1200, you, yes YOU, can call this service
and make many calls with it.
by law; whatever you say, the operator must say to the party at the
other end; no matter how vulgur or repulsive it is. i've done some pretty
interesting stuff with it. whatever the operator says back to you, is what
the other party says to you, and boy, they can be fun. oh, a bunch of
times, you won't get charged for the phone calls. you call an 800#, and all
of the states have a different #. when i've called places long distance, via
new jersey's (my states) #, i get billed; when i've dialed numbers in
michagan or oregon, i don't get billed. shrug.
anyway, here's a little transcript from a few pranks that i was
doing, all in one call to the operator, and she didn't mind. just a few
sidenotes:
ga: go ahead, you use that after you finish what you're saying.
sksk: good bye.
q: question mark; most tdd fones don't have a ? key.
(also, i got the idea of using the tdd fones, and this prank call,
from the 'zine, phone losers of america. thanks rbcp. :> )
oper: ca 1043 (f), another call q
edi: ga surely, pls call 291 7474. thanks. ga.
oper: sure thank you... dialing... RINGING 1... (answered) Mcdonalds (f) .
edi: ga hello. i'd like to order some mcfood for mcdelivery. ga.
oper: yes ..ga..
edi: you still mcdeliver right qq ga.
(click)(silence) (hungup) (hung up)
oper: ca 1043 (f), another call q ga
edi: just hold on moment. i'm sorry about that ma'am, i just want to say,
you're the most chipper operator i've had so far. ga.
oper: thank you is there another call for you q ga
edi: ok, pls dial 671 0925. ga.
oper: thank you... dialing... RINGING 1... (answered)Middletown
Mcdonalds..(m) ga
edi: hello sir. i'd like to mcorder some mcfood for mcdelivery. i have your
mcad right here and it says perfectly in black and mcwhite that you deliver.
ga.
oper: ..we are closed.. thats it! we are not open right now and we don't
deliver okay! thank you sksk (hung up) ca 1043 (f), another call q ga
edi: geez, these mcdonalds people really dont like us very well. sigh, it was
gonna be funny too. :P thanks ma'am, thats all. ga.
oper: sure you are welcome goodnight sksk thank you for using rc, bye sksk
see? see how fun that was? i got those mcdonalds people piss off at
me. h0h0. what? you don't like it? ok, i admit, that was semi-lame. but
hey, i got a chuckle out of doing it. :) not to mention, that operator was
pretty cool.
============================================================================
-+ ta ta, farewell my sweetheart +-
thats it, its over, get out of here, get out, get out, get out.
next issue will be better, i promise. i'm not saying that this issue
wasn't good, but it will be better, trust me. give me your feedback on it
and stuff, and i'll talk to you later, fucknut.
remember, new smashing pumpkins album will be out october 24th.
yee-haw.
============================================================================
jonas e'zine issue twelve
all mail regarding jonas shall be sent to belial@raven.cybercomm.net
thanks to all my friends who've helped me out, i love you all.
get the latest jonas and text files at avalon, (908) 739/4274.
"jonas -- its more then a 'zine, its a lifestyle."
============================================================================

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+--- -- - ---+ jonas' first annual best of the year awards!@ +--- - -- ---+
here is a survey for everyone to fill out. it's our first annual best
of the year awards, for the year, duh, 1995. it mainly concerns itself with
music, but it does go into some other categories. you get the jist of it.
after you're through filling it out, rename it <your handle/first
name>.sur, and send it to me via a way listed in jonas_13.nfo.
thanks alot!@
+---- --- -- - ---------------------------------------------- - -- --- ----+
(fill in information in space provided)
handle: [..................................................................]
real name: [...............................................................]
age: [...]
email address (if any): [..................................................]
how did you like jonas issue 13? [.........................................]
what is the code for 30 men in contra? [...................................]
do you want some potassium? [..............................................]
(mark an X in the brackets for selection. one selection per topic, unless
otherwise noted.)
topic one: best band/album of 1995.. .
[ ] silverchair, frogstomp
[ ] rem, monster
[ ] sonic youth, washing machine
[ ] pavement, wowee zowie
[ ] green day, insomniac
[ ] red hot chili pepers, one hot minute
[ ] primus, tales from the punchbowl
[ ] alanis morrissette, jagged little pill
[ ] other: [...............................................................]
topic two: best new band/musician of 1995.. .
(these may not neccassarly be new bands. my 'new' means bands that made it
big, or semi-big. you get my jist. some of these bands may have released
smaller indie/ep's in the past.)
[ ] alanis morrissette, jagged little pill
[ ] silverchair, frogstomp
[ ] civ, set your goals
[ ] presidents of the united states of america, self titled
[ ] hum, you'd prefer an astronaut
[ ] other: [...............................................................]
best single of 1995.. .
[ ] alanis morrissette, you oughta know
[ ] presidents of the united states of america, lump
[ ] pavement, father to a sister of thought
[ ] silverchair, tommorow
[ ] primus, wynonna's big brown beaver
[ ] civ, can't wait one minute more
[ ] hootie and the blowfish, only wanna be with you
[ ] other: [...............................................................]
best indie release of 1995.. .
[ ] pavement, wowee zowie
[ ] 1000 mona lisas, the ep
[ ] civ, set your goals
[ ] presidents of the united states of america, self titled
[ ] dance hall crashers, lockjaw
[ ] other: [...............................................................]
best punk/hardcore album of 1995.. .
[ ] civ, set your goals
[ ] rancid, out come the wolves
[ ] green day, insomniac
[ ] 1000 mona lisas, the ep
[ ] other: [...............................................................]
best tour of 1995.. .
[ ] the warped tour
[ ] lollapalloza
[ ] live
[ ] hootie and the blowfish
[ ] rem
[ ] van hallen
best movie of 1995.. .
[ ] pulp fiction
[ ] mallrats
[ ] apollo 13
[ ] hackers
[ ] seven
[ ] the net
[ ] other: [...............................................................]
best radio station of 1995.. .
(please give call letters, frequency, city that it is broadcasting from.
(eg; whtg/106.3/eatontown, nj))
[..........................................................................]
who will be president in 1996?
[ ] bill clinton
[ ] bob dole
[ ] other: (serious answers, only. :>) [..................................]
computer based zine of 1995.. (don't answer if you don't read many computer
'zines.. :))
[ ] doomed to obscurity
[ ] pEz monthly
[ ] hogs of entropy
[ ] jonas
[ ] fucked up college kids
[ ] klunk
[ ] gasp!@/1
[ ] other: [...............................................................]
paper magizine of 1995.. .
[ ] 2600: the hacker's quarterly
[ ] hitch
[ ] all that
[ ] the 'net
[ ] rolling stone
[ ] wired
[ ] spin
[ ] other: [...............................................................]
+---- --- -- - ---------------------------------------------- - -- --- ----+

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_____ __________ __________
__________/ /_________/ /_________/ /___
_____ / / / / / / /_________
/ / / / / / /____/ /____ /
/ / / / / / / / / /
/ / / / / / / / / / /
/_________/ / /____/ / / /_________/
/_________/ gh /____/_________/
j o n a s : r e i n c a r n a t i o n
+---- --- -- - ---------------------------------------------- - -- --- ----+
jonas - issue dirteen - november 13, 1995
jonas is produced roughly monthly by edicius. jonas and the materials
contained therein, are all copyrighted by edicius, too. jonas may
be distributed freely as long as this copyright notice remains
in place, so don't move it, bucko!
if you have no idea, change your religion.
if you have a religion, change your idea.
one thousand mona lisas % "green light"
+---- --- -- - -----------+ edicius' editorial +------------- - -- --- ----+
in memory: yitzhak rabin, shannon hoon.
hey-ho. i'm so big, i'm so cool, i'm just so fuckin' elite. "hey
man, you got the garbage file?!1 thats ELiTE!@1" anyhoo; i have a question
for you.
since when did halloween become the most exploited holiday in the
history of mankind? all of a sudden, it seems that all of the rules of
halloween have been thrown out. the ethics of this hallowed day that i grew
up with as a kid, have been thrown out the window.
let's go back to a different time. (cue wavy lines on your monitor
right now.) a few years ago, i was younger, you were younger. i lived in a
different town, not far away from where i live now. i was walking around
town, trudging a wet pillowcase filled with candy. my "jason" hockey mask
flung over my head. i was tired, wet, yet happy.
they were simpler times. kids dressed up in creative constumes (hey,
don't knock "jason", its creative, read on..), getting candy, seldom seeing
a decorated house. it was all good, it was simple back then.
suddenly, things changed. it didn't happen over a few years, you
didn't see it here, and then there, and then everywhere. it just happened.
maybe its because i'm older, and i notice more things now, but other people
have noticed it, too. it's not just me.
suddenly, people are decorating their houses. sure, people did that
in the past for halloween, maybe a pumpkin and some corn stalks, but now,
people put ten tombstones, these big ass sheets that they call 'ghosts',
and a whole lot of other stuff. stores are making big bussiness off of it,
too. no more of this thanksgiving then christmas crud. now its halloween,
thanksgiving, and then christmas. they'll just extend it more, soon labor
day will be mass marketed and exploited, too.
also, another thing that peeves me about the whole halloween dealy
deal, is that since when do kids get by without dressing up? i admit, it
gets annoying giving out candy and all, but then i think back a few years,
and remember how much fun it was to get the candy, thank the person, and
scamper off to the next house.
something different is happening now. i notice that _alot_ of kids
that i go to school with, like high school sophomores, juniors, and seniors,
are going out trick or treating. i had one kid come to my house, regular
clothes, paper bag, must have been 16 or 17. my mom gave him candy, and
asked him what he was, he said "i'm an undercover fbi agent." dickhead.
why don't kids dress up anymore? i see kids that are like 8 going out
in regular clothes, without dressing up. i've lost all faith in major
holidays now; they've exploited christmas, easter, and thankgiving. saint
nick, the easter bunny, and the turkey, yest we add the great pumpkin to
this list? i think not.
STOP EXPLOITING ALL THE HOLIDAYS. LEAVE SOME FUN IN THEM FOR KIDS
STILL. DOWN WITH THE ARISTOCRATS WHO DAMAGE OUR HOLIDAYS. BAD BAD.
wee-haw. that was fun. now, if you excuse me, i'll be gettin' my
prozac pills. now, for some news.
this issue of jonas will be alittle longer then most previous issues.
i've done some capturing of messages that i've found, and typed up some
interesting newspaper articles. overall, its just longer.
also; this issue will be the best issue jonas has ever put out.
"really?!@1", you ask yourself. really. i've done much more work then i
have the previous issues, i've been on a creative streak. i've had some
pretty good ideas for this issue too. i think this issue will redefine the
word "'zine".
maybe it _won't_ redefine the word "'zine". oh-kay. maybe it won't
redefine anything, but i'm still pleased with how this issue is coming out
_so-far_. (yes, as always, i'm writing this way ahead of time.)
thats weird. that last comment i put in here. most prior issues of
jonas, i got my articles that were submitted to me, wrote some stuff on my
own, and then put it all together. beginning to end time was maybe a week,
tops. but this issue, its different. i actually started writing this way
ahead of time. right after issue 12 came out, i started work on this.
i think i like this method, too. i put down all of the different
story ideas in my head, and worked on them seperately. i'm really happy
with how my editorial came out, too. all and all, i'm really pleased with
this issue. except for one thing;
as of _this_ writing of my editorial (note the 'this', i sometimes can
write parts or the whole editorial a bunch of times.) its about 2 weeks
before my target release date, and i have _no_ submissions. terminal
velocity said he would do some stuff, but thats it. i have _nothing_.
everything in here is written by me. ack!@ i should just go elite, and go
solo. yeah, thats an idea.
(* late editorial note, terminal velocity _didn't_ contribute
anything, asshole *)
i can change the name of the 'zine to "edicius". i'd be a solo 'zine.
i'd scoff at the non-believers, and just say that i'm leeter then them.
yeah, that'd be rad. i think i will do that.
"ralph, get the guns. we have a lamer on the loose."
ok, i get the point. i think i'll be leaving now.
but before i go, i want to remind you of something that we're doing.
the next issue of jonas shall be out on december 14, yeah, exactly at that
time. there will be a really special issue of jonas that will be put
together, especially for a special person's birthday (hint, hint, nudge
nudge..) so, be waiting, it shall be a really good issue. submit for it,
too! you'll be pleased.
also, take a few minutes, and fill out the survey. just use a regular
text editor, and fill it out. its not that hard. i'd like to get a real
good sampling of people for this survey, i want a really good survey result
article to write. so fill them out, fuckas!
one last thing, i swear. if you're hep to the net and looking for the
ultimate in 'zine madness, point your web browsers to 'zineworld, the
ultimate experience - http://www.pla-net.net/~jwapienn/zineworld/ - got
that? you better. thanks to mercuri, this page lists an amazing and
growing number of links and web papges for many underground computer 'zines.
WE LOVE MERCURI!
ok, thanks enough for now.
buhbye.
xoxo
elite edi.
+---- --- -- - ---------------------------------------------- - -- --- ----+
oh yeah, if you want to reach us here at jonas-land. here:
world head quarter type board -- avalon, (908) 739 4274. check out
elyte jonas matrix option.
email -- edi@raven.cybercomm.net
web page -- http://www.vitinc.com/~rmini/jonas.html
(thanks to fat slayer. send inquiries to rmini@vitinc.com)
you can also retreve the latest issues of jonas via ftp --
ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Jonas
more information about jonas can be found by fingering edicius.. (o0o,
you nasty boy).. -- finger edi@raven.cybercomm.net
+-- - --+
AT&T AND MICROSOFT HEAR ME WALKING DOWN THE STREET WITH MY LINEMAN'S
HANDSET AND BETA VERSIONS OF WIN97, AND SAY TO THEMSELVES "DAMN HE'S FUCKIN'
ELiTE!@1"
+---- --- -- - ------+ open letter to michael stipe +-------- - -- --- ----+
dear mister stipe and rem:
i am petitioning you and your band to change your lyrics. in one your
songs, "end of the world (and i feel fine)", you have a line that reads as
follows:
"the other night i tripped a nice continental drift divide, mount saint
edelite, leonard bernstine"
i am asking that you change the lyric to read:
"the other night i tripped a nice continental drift divide, mount saint
EDICIUS, leonard bernstine"
edelite? who's heard of 'mount saint edelite'? who's heard of 'mount
said edicius', for that matter. no one, really. but edicius, its the same
amount of letters and sounds like 'edelite'. the word edicius is ten times
cooler then the word edelite, too. you won't have to change _that_ much,
just one word. consider it.
thank you for your time. i'm sure that you and rem will follow
through with this lyric change, for the better of mankind.
edicius.
+---- --- -- - ---+ i sold my soul to satan + by edicius +--- - -- --- ----+
"i've got a one-way ticket to hell on an amtrack train; and the sons
of gestapo won't be stopping me!@" -- edicius
+---- --- -- - ---------------------------------------------- - -- --- ----+
"tom. wake up tom. come towards the light," the deep voice
beckons me in the nighttime.
startled, i jump out of bed. the big lcd clock stares me in the face,
"two in the morning? who the hell is this?" i turn around, and see a mist
in the room. a ghoulish figure is standing near my closest.
"hey, who the hell are you?", i ask.
"me? well, i'm satan. i have a proposition for you," he replies, "i
would like you to join me."
"join you? how?"
"sell your soul to me, i will grant you immortality in hell."
"really? that sounds good, how much?"
"WHAT? he's actually going for it? no one actually goes for it," he
mumbles to himself, "uwhm. lemme think, how much would it cost you to sell
your soul to me?"
"hm. lemme write down a figure, we'll play it from there." i grab a
piece of paper from the desk, and scribble down some numbers. i hand it to
the man, and by the smile on satan's face, i can tell its no dice.
"six million dollars? this is properous. what do you think we do in
hell? we don't have that much money. geezus, who do you think i am?"
"well, you're satan. ok, so no deal there, eh? lesse, here's another
figure. tell me how this looks." with that, i scribble another number down
on the paper, tear it off, and give it to him.
"eighty-two cents? you're gonna sell your soul to me for eighty-two
cents?"
"eh-yup. hey, everlasting immortality is something that only comes
along once in a lifetime, i'm not gonna be that stingy in trying to get it.
"eighty-two fuckin' cents. wow. tom, you have a deal. welcome to
hell."
"cool. okey, so, when do i get there?"
"well, lemme look here," he grabs a notebook from his jacket,
"salvidor, sinclare, stevens, ah, here it is, sullivan, tom sullivna. ok,
you should be arriving into the firey pits of hell in twelve years. from
lung cancer, you'll be smoking too much. haha. i just made a hell joke!
haha. get it? smoke, fire, hell! haha."
"wow," i say to him, "not only are you the demon of demons, but you
have a sense of humor too. pretty nifty, if you ask me."
"well, you know, i try to be modest, but when you're the supreme ruler
of evil, you have to have some funny side in you."
"hah. i hear you buddy, i hear you. ok, so tell me, when's the
presidental elections down there?"
"what? presidental elections? what the hell is this rubbish? i'm
the dictator, there is no president down in hell. i'm the leader."
"eech. that must suck. hey, here's an idea. when i get down there,
give me four years to run it, i promise you a bigger population, and more
money coming into the budget. hell will be the hep place to be."
"really? a four year vacation? i never really thought about.. wait a
second, what the hell are you saying to me, the ruler of evil? i'm the
leader down there, you cannot take that away from me."
"thats the problem, you're uptight. you have this whole
god-complex.."
"god complex? sorry to interupt, but there is no god in hell."
"uhm, sure, whatever. anyway; you have this whole ego thing. you're
uptight. you need some time off. no offense or anything, but people don't
think too highly of you."
"really? i never knew that," satan says. his face grows deeper, and
looks to be saddened by this news. "i've always tried to keep my image
pretty good. i don't really know how this whole horns and red skin thing
came about, i'm not really that horrid looking, am i?"
"no you're not, satan. we could have this whole big never-world going
down in hell, trust me. you and me, we'll do good."
"really? hey, that could be good. wait a fucking second, you're sly
there tom. but i'm not buying into this. i'll come back at a later time."
"but satan, wait!" but it was too late, he had already left. back to
sleep i went, still amazed about the transaction that took place.
+-- - --+
the next few days were spent thining up ideas for the "new hell", that
i would create. since satan is the root of all evil, i really knew i had to
do a good job, or something horrid would be in store for me. i really
didn't want to find out exactly what would happen.
i had ideas, visions of the new hell. something beautiful, something
that has been never seen before. swimming pools, casinos, hotels, family
entertainment. it all would be there. hell would surely become the hip
place to be.
it happened again. right in the middle of my wet dream, satan
appeared to me. his vast, expressionless face staring at me in the middle
of the night.
"tom, what do you wish of me? i can sense your mood, i know you need
to speak to me."
"ok. i have these ideas, take a look at them. remember, its
still a rough draft, but take the things into consideration," i said, as i
took out a large portfolio of various plans, blueprints, and charts. "look
at them, tell me what needs to be changed, and i'll work on it."
"what?? what is this crud? blueprints, charts.. hey, is there really
going to be a eight-teen hole golf course next to the tropworld casino?
hey, that could be pretty nice. i've been looking for a place to work on my
backswing."
"but thats not all. i was planning on changing a few more things.
first off, we need to have a stable currency. we're not looking to compete
with the us dollar, or the japanese yen, just something that we can use. we
will be having a large population now, ya'know what i mean?"
"true, very true."
"but wait, thats not all. we'll have a full run of commenrative
stamps -- all the people in hell, joseph stallin, adolf hitler, jimmy buffet
-- a better postal system too, a recent survey showed that alot of the
population of hell was dissatisfied with the way the postal service was.."
"dissatisfied my ass. give me names, i'll make their eternal
damnation even worse."
"no! thats another thing we need to change; your attitude. many
people, well, you know. they're kinda scared of you."
"they're supposed to fear me (not that pesky mogel guy.) i am the
death bearer, i'm not a real people person. i am eviler then evil. i'm not
supposed to be nice."
"well, it looks like your attitude will be hard to change. i'll work
on that more later. i called all-state today, inquiring about an insurance
policy.."
"insurance? why do we need insurance?"
"with people coming, we need some type of tourist spot insurance
coverage, so when people get hurt, we don't get sued."
"fuck them. cast them into the firery pits if they get hurt."
"thats the thing that is hampering the whole insurance dealy-deal; the
fire. you know, hell is just one _huge_ firepit. did you ever notice it?
all-state said they can't insure a bad fire risk as ourselves. so, i told
them i'd start a few voulenter fire departments, have fire safety classes at
the ymca, and mcgruff and smokey the bear put on a really bitchin'
performance for the kids."
"fire department? ymca? smokey the bear? enough of this bullshit,
tom. i do not want to hear this crud any much longer. you are banished
from hell!@ do not come down here! get out of my sight!@"
"but satan.. what about me being president?"
"get out of my sight you creaton!"
"can i have my soul back?"
"oh. that thing. yes, you can have it back.. here.. and my money?"
"oh. that. i kinda spent it on gum. want a stick of big red?"
"no! just take your soul, thats all i want. i don't need money. i
am the leader of hell!@ i make my own money."
"well. ok, in that case, i don't want to go to hell, you asshole."
"me? asshole? why you annoying little twirt," he says with a voice
full of anger. he runs, and lunged toward me. i duck, he hits the wall.
"pit pat spat. why you fucking asshole.." boom. he hits me square in the
jaw. so, i kick him.
"don't fuck with me nigguh! i'll beat you; and i don't care if you
are the prince of darkness." i hit him again. he hits me. this escapade
continues for 5 minutes. we cease hitting each other while we catch our
breathe.
i stand up in the middle of the room. "is that all you can do?!
the big and almighty satan can't even kick a fifteen year-old's ass? what
are you? like, a ga-zillion years old? HIT ME RIGHT HERE," i pound on my
chest, "right here you fuckin' asshole. NOW!"
fists a-flyin', satan runs towards me screaming, "aaaahhh!@ you
little prick!"
just before he is about to catch me, i knee him in the groin. he
falls to the ground in agony. "oouh. muh. muh.. ouuch. oww. muh nuts.
oww. yoou.. f-fuck.. in.. oww. oouuch. oww, my crotch. my crotch. my
crotch is on fire."
"yeah, thats what i thought. hooo-pbbt," i spit on him. "some people
are just so fuckin' egotistical. you won't let someone else take over for
awhile, and look what you're doing now. on the ground, rolling around, in
wretched agony. you wuss."
"vengence will be mine. oh yes, it will be mine." puff. smoke, he
disappears. a dark drool spot is easily noticed against the grainy blue of
the carpet where he fell.
"a drool spot. just one big fucking drool spot is left."
+---- ----- - -------+ music, smhusic + by edicius +-------- - -- --- ----+
is it just me, or is there a major conspiracy to ruin all of the good
music in the world?
i think there is, if not, somethings tragically screwed up. now, one
of my favorite bands, currently, is civ. i got their 'debut' (if you want
to call it that) cd just after it came out, and a day after i saw them in
concert. i've loved it ever since, i think its a really rad cd.
i happen to have a 'zine cover with a picture of civ (the leader
singer of civ - coincidence?) on it. i was bored the other day, so i
started drawing it in my sketchbook. soon enough, i had a pretty good
picture out of it.
the next day, i was sitting in my art class. i was bored with the
project i was working on, so i whipped out the ole' sketchbook to finish the
picture. some kids asked me who it was, so i told them, "its the lead
singer of the band called 'civ'. ever hear of it?" out of the three or
four kids that i asked if they heard of civ, only one person said "yeah, i
think so, i think i've heard of them."
god damnit. no one listens to anything if its not played on a big
time radio station, or mtv. civ has been being played on mtv, rarely
outside of 120 minutes, thank god, but today, i'm clicking around the
channels, and i hear a familar tune on the grind. yup. it was "can't wait
one minute more" by civ. these preppy wanna-be skinhead dancers are slam
dancing, almost definally choreographed, too. you could see that they
planned how they would dance to this particular song.
afterwords, the music dies out, and idalis comes on; "hey, now wasn't
that groovey? thats right. that was civ with 'can't wait'. now, after the
commercials, we'll have a live performance from shaggy!@"
c'mon, shaggy and civ in the same sentence? sigh. it just saddens
me. why the hell can't mtv leave the good stuff on "120 minutes"? why must
they do this? they do this with every good band, and then they promote the
bad bands, like greenday and offspring. fuckin' assholes.
to create a format that appeals to all, they must play what 'everyone'
is listening to. or so they think. not everyone is listening to offspring
and green day. thats why radio stations like whtg 106.3 (eatontown, nj), do
good; they play what other stations _aren't_ playing. sure, they do play
some green day and offspring, but not to the extext that many other stations
play it.
you have a major cable channel, and a million radio stations; all with
the same format -- boring and "alternative". you get a few stations that
play what the "minority" wants to hear -- mainly indie rock and punk,
generally "unheard" music anywhere else. both stations do well, in their
own aspects; they just get a different listening audience.
+---- --- -- - -+ million man march? % by david letterman +-- - -- --- ----+
[.. from the david letterman show ..]
> from the home office in grand rapids, michigan ...
top ten signs you're not at the real million man march
10. everybody's singing john denver songs
9. keynote speaker: mark fuhrman
8. entire march consists of you and that urkel guy
7. you're surrounded by people dressed as their favorite "star trek"
characters
6. everywhere you look -- osmonds
5. you seem bumper stickers that say, "don't blame me, i voted for
pat buchanan"
4. it's held at the dmv and the "march" is moving very slowly
3 lots of handmade signs that say, "yanni!"
2. the marge schott t-shirt booth
1. grand marshall: kathie lee gifford
+---- --- -- - --+ computers go hollywood -+- by edicius +-- - -- --- ----+
in our history, many movie makers have tried to make a movie revolving
around computer crimes, some have been successful; others have not. the
classics, such as wargames and sneakers, will live forever in the hearts of
computer enthusists around the globe. other movies, such as johnny
mnemonic, can be written off and forgotten.
in jonas' ever expanding cultural emphasis, we would like to give you
now a review of the best, and worst, computer-related movies ever made.
there have been alot of computer-related movies made, specifically, the ones
we'll concern ourselves with are those that deal with some form of computer
hacking and/or phone phreaking.
now, without further ado, edicius reviews computer movies.
+---- --- -- - ---------------------------------------------- - -- --- ----+
"three days of the condor" (1976?) - robert redford plays an fbi agent on
the run from his own superiors after his whole office is gun downed and
killed while he is at lunch. story-line is pretty good. redford plays a
really good part in the movie. surpurb co-stars, also.
as far as the computer-relatedness. they have _really_ big computers in the
office. redford 'boxes' his way into a hotel phone line, and uses a tape
recorder and dtmf decoder to figure out numbers a person is dialing. he
also picks a credit slip out of the garbage to figure out what a person's
name is, before he carjacks and kidnaps them. you cannot forget, either,
that at one point, kevin mitnick used the handle "condor" before he went
into hiding in the mid 80's.
really great movie all around. if you can find it at your local
blockbuster, i would definally suggest renting this movie.
rating: (out of four stars) ***1/2.
+-- - --+
"wargames" (1982) - matthew broderick, alley shedy, and a "whopper" of a
computer. (te-he. i made a funny.) this is the clasic computer hacker
movie. kid breaks into school computer, changes grades, wardials, finds
governmental computer, and plays a game of "thermonuclear global war." now
is that just rad, or is it rad?
personally, my favorite part of the movie, is when alley shedy's caracter
says to broderick's caracter, after he has been on the run from the
government, "is this about what you did to my grades?" har har.
you have hacking and phreaking in this movie. movies just don't get cooler
then this without having an nc-17 rating.
rating: (out of four stars) ****
+-- - --+
"sneakers" (1989/1990. one of them) - not a particulary bad movie.
hacking, phreaking, carding, trashing, and a blind guy that can type really
fast!@ hell, these guys are _paid_ to hack your computer, if you want them
too. they're the best, dE\x/D. they're eXpERtZ.
as i alluded to above, the only part in the movie that i was particularly
pissed off about, is the fact that the blind dude can type. ok. i can see
him typing -- they can have brail keyboards -- but how does he know what is
being done by the computer? it just didn't fit.
if you want a real good flick night, rent this and "wargames" the same
night. watch the clerk look at you funny.
rating: (out of four stars) ***
+-- - --+
"johnny nmemonic" (1995) - i really don't know where to begin with this
movie. i saw it with fellow cybergeeks, rattle and tut, and well, i think
rattle sums it up best by saying, "it was the best comedy i've seen in
awhile, but it was meant to be a drama."
let's just say, keanu reeves shouldn't have been casted for this part. if
it was another actor, the movie would have been better. keanu reeves just
cannot act for his life.
henry rollins got killed in the movie, that was a cool part. :)
rating: (out of four stars) *
+-- - --+
"the net" (1995) - you have to divide this one up into two different
sections; as far as pure entertainment goes, this movie was pretty damn
good. _any_ movie with sandra bullock in a bikini is good in my book. as
far as computers go, it was a bad movie. i did like some of the things that
they did with the computers, tho.
bullock is a pretty good actress. the movie, overall, was pretty decent.
storyline wise, it could have used some work, but still was good. accuracy
wise, it needed alot of work with the computers.
if you can catch this still in the theraters (find a cheap second-run movie
near you), definally go there and watch it. you shalln't be disappointed.
rating: (out of four stars) ***
+-- - --+
"hackers" (1995) - "boot up or shut up." as far as the accuracy goes, this
is one of the most accurate, if not the most accurate, 'hacker' movie in a
long time. it was still pretty far-fetched in some aspects, others it was
pretty good. some of the computers they had, of course, were too advanced,
even for our own age.
i've hung out with computer geeks in person, i don't think i've ever said
the word "ELITE" as much as they did in this movie. there is also a scene
in which some 'haqurs' are looking at a new computer, and they say, "whoa,
elite. she has a brand new laptop... 16 megabytes of ram.. a 28 point 8 bps
modem too!"
they did make up for it by having an actual red box (that still does work in
some areas), and by reading "the hackers manifesto" by 'the mentor'. i was
surprised to see them go that far.
with everything in, i think this movie will go down as being highly regarded
in the computer movie field as being one of the better movies of our time.
rating: (out of four stars) ***1/2.
+-- - --+
other stuff:
"disclosure" (1995) - ok, so this really isn't a true computer movie. the
job that michael douglas and demi moore work at, makes cd-roms and other
computer equipment. plus, the terminals that they use on all the computers
for email and stuff is really rad. i'd love to have that type of software
on my computer.
oh, seeing demi moore half-naked isn't bad, either.
rating: (out of four stars) ***1/2.
"masters of deception: the gang that ruled cyberspace" (1995) - it's a book.
not a fully accurate book, but it is an interesting read. i shelled out 20
bucks for it, i'm not sure if it was really worth it, but it is worth the
read if you can get it.
rating: (out of four stars) **
+-- - --+
i noticed something, something eerie. in "the net", they all drink a
martini-type drink called a "gibson". in "hackers", the name of the big
mainframe operating system, is "gibson". coincidence? maybe.
+---- --- -- - -------+ 3Di'Z CaPTuRe F1LE izZ eLiTE +------- - -- --- ----+
from: "matthew b. wood" <devtrix@netcom.com>
posted to: alt.fan.cult-dead-cow
subject: re: his eyes were bleeding
carrie@cascade.cascade.net (carrie) writes:
...
>then one day we're driving through the onion fields of walla walla,
>washington, on this road that stretches farther than intestines, past the
>paper mill, and we come across this accident in the road, except it's not
>roadkill it's like humans, and this guy is there, laying on the road, and
>his eyes are bleeding (just like his face and arms) and we look at each
>other, and we grin, and scoop him up into the car, and drive off, kind of
>like thelma and louise except we can't take credit (yet) for any of the
>pain.
wow. and i thought i was having fun when i got %15 off at foot locker
with one of those coke caps.
--
matthew b. wood mbwood@netcom.com
they can't play baseball, they don't wear sweaters
they're not good dancers, they don't play drums
+-- - --+
from: rotiserrie <rotiserrie@aol.com>
posted to: alt.sex.stories
subject: adult hot chats
help needed:
i am in the process of collecting materials relating to "hot chats" on
bbs's. this material is very important to a final research project i am
undertaking. i would appreciate hearing from any of you who have engaged
in adult "hot chats" on bbs's or on the internet. i especially am
interested in receiving through email transcripts of recorded hot chats
you may have had. complete confidentially of the source is guaranteed.
jason
+-- - --+
from: sekiried
subject: downtown julie brown
posted to 'people who shouldn't be famous' folder on america on-line.
i swear to god, if i ever see this woman walking down broadway, i will
kindly ask her to go back to her native england. let's see if they will
take her back, cuz here in america--we are suitably annoyed with her
transparent clinging to the show biz/post-mtv world with a sad vehemence.
get a real job julie!
+-- - --+
from: the-concourse-on-highthu
posted to: alt.fan.cult-dead-cow
subject: wed. oct. 11th is national coming out day come out! do it! life is
easier...
have courage! life is so much easier when you're out of the closet. i'm
coming out because i went to the l.a. gay & lesbian parade this past summer
and of the more than 700,000 people there i personally counted fewer than 80
in drag or leather or other outrageous get ups.
when i turned on the news that night it was like my personal count had made
the news. every single one of those 80 or so people. the broadcast made it
seem like a couple thousand people had shown up, and showing only those in
drag or leather made it seem like that's all that showed up, like that's all
there is to gays and lesbians. the other 700,000 to 800,000 of us who are
boring and average didn't make it onto the tv.
when you come out you give non-gay people and accurate picture and concept of
who and what gays and lesbians really are. since it's perfectly legal in 44
states to fire us from our jobs or evict us from our homes just for saying
we're gay or lesbian, coming out is a very difficult thing to do. i know
that, and i have experienced all the fear and anxiety you have. please,
please, please come out!!! life really is so much better now.
+-- - --+
from: tomviolent
subject: yanni
posted to the 'cybersex' folder on america on-line
..yanni is the best cyber-lover i've ever had....
+---- --- -- - ---------------+ news items +----------------- - -- --- ----+
here are a few news articles that i've found in the newspapers that i
thought were pretty interesting.
+-- - --+
concert-goer sues love
courtney love is being sued by a a man who says she beat him up during
a hole concert in palo alto, calif., last year. jonathan james hogan said
the widow of urt cobain lured him onstage, hinting of a dance, and instead
kicked him in the groin. love told police that he reached under he dress
and grabbed her crotch while she crowdsurfed above her fans. hogan, who
insists that he was out of grope range, says he suffered emotional stress at
being publicly humilated.
+-- - --+
aclu joins high school discord over 'oi' vs. 'oy'
newark -- three hasbrouck heights high school students who were
suspended from school for using a word some people interpreted as
anti-semitic were reinstated yesterday pending an appeal before the school
board, said david rocah, staff attorney for the american civil liberties
union of new jersey.
rocah said the suspensions where ilegal and that he was surprised the
school board was continuing to pursue them.
"there's no doubt in our minds that a violation of the students'
rights, under the federal and state constitution and state law, has
occured," rocah said.
the school should drop the suspensions, apologize tothe students and
clear their records, roccah said. if neccessary, the school should provide
the students with tutors to help them catch up in courses they missed since
they were suspended last week.
the three 16-year-old bous -- len longo, j.m. burr, and albert min --
were suspended from school for a week after performing as the band utter
confusion at a high school talent show last thursday night.
because the music they play is sometimes call "oi", the three band
members started yelling "oi!" to warm up the crowd.
some people in the audience complained that "oi" was a play on the
yiddish expression of grief, "oy vey," and was anti-semetic.
"oi" is a gritty subcurrent of punk rock born in british garages in
the late 1970's. a right-wing sub-cult of "oi" includes german skinhead
bands whose members sing about bashing black people, jews, turks and
leftists.
rocah said the suspensions where unjustified, especially since the
concert was not a school-sponsored event but was part of an after-school,
student-sponsored talent show.
"these kids should not have been suspended," said rocah, who is
representing one of the teen-agers, whom he declined to identify. "students
do not lose their free speech rights when they walk through the schoolhouse
door."
although the students insisted their song was not intended to be
anti-semetic, rocah said that was not the issue.
"speech by racists is just as protected as speech by nonracists," he
said.
if school officials did not respond to the teen-agers' concers, the
students and their families could take them to court, rocah said. there was
no indication that would be necessary.
"the issues here are clear. it's not a difficult case, and it can and
should be resolved amicably," rocah said.
schools superintendent howard herbert did not immediately return a
telephone message from the associated press yesterday.
the rabbi of the borough's only synagogue said the school overreacted
and that is actions could encourage an anti-semetic backlash.
"it is a tempest in a teapot. i think the punishment is definitely
inappropriate," rabbi fredric dworkin of temple beth elohim told the record
of hackensack. "people make too much of an ordinary item. the word has no
significanes," he said.
dworkin, who said he had received no complaints from temple members,
said a false alamr over racism could spark the real thing.
[oh the same topic; on "the week in rock" on mtv, for the week of
october 21-27, they had a story about the above situation, and actually had
the band on at the end of the show. 'utter confusion' played the <their?>
song "oi is not a crime", now being boosted to stardom by their peers for
appearing on mtv. :) they weren't all that bad, for a group of 16 year
olds.]
+---- --- -- - ---------------------------------------------- - -- --- ----+
jonas e'zine issue 13
send all inquiries regarding jonas to edi@raven.cybercomm.net
jonas and klunk may be found at avalon, (908) 739/4274
special thanks to belial and terminal velocity for their unending support
"jonas -- it's more then a 'zine, its a lifestyle.."
+---- --- -- - ---------------------------------------------- - -- --- ----+

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Jonas E'Zine -- Volume 1, Number 15 -- Released February 17, 1996
Jonas is produced semi-regularly by Edicius (Tom Sullivan). Jonas
and the material therein are property of Edicius and Jonas Print Matter
Incorporated. Jonas may be freely distributed as long as this notice
remains in place, and there is no fee charged for its retrevial.
I should be allowed to glue my poster,
I should be allowed to think..
And I should be allowed to blurt the merest idea,
if by random whim, one occurs to me.
They Might Be Giants -- "I Should Be Allowed To Think"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonas E'Zine Volume 1, Number 15 February 17, 1996
Contents:
(1) - Edicius' Editorial
(2) - Chronology of the Communications Decency Act, compiled by Edicius
(3) - Violation of our Guarenteed Rights, by Edicius
(4) - "Oh, Sorry", by Edicius
(5) - <Insert Generic Valentine's Day Rant Here>, by Edicius
(6) - Particle Man vs. Universe Man: The Great Debate, by Edicius
(7) - Reviews!
(8) - The End
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(1) - Edicius' Editorial
February 8, 1995
Did you ever have that one special teacher in school? The one person that
showed a true interest in how you did? The one who's class you did the
best in, or at least worked the hardest in, mainly because s/he knew you
could?
I had that teacher, but I lost him last night. Alot of people lost him
last night.
Last year, I had him for Algebra 1 Honors, and he wanted me to work really
hard, and he worked really hard with me so I got it. Unfortunally, I
didn't make the right grade, so this year I was placed in Geometry B. But
this year, I also changed. Every class, I would sit right in front of his
desk. I would pay extra attention during his class. Most importantly, I
had a A average in that class this year.
When I would see him in the hallway, I would make an extra effort to say
hi to him, and maybe talk to him. I would go to class a few minutes
early, because I knew he would be there to talk to, and have a nice
conversation with.
My sister's boyfriend had him a few years ago in school. His family and
his teacher's family have always been very good friends. Subsequently, I
paid alittle more attention to him, and was alittle bit nicer to him, then
my other teachers. I had a better student-teacher relationship with him
then any other teacher I've ever had.
One day, years and years ago, he made a choice. He made a decision that
he would be a teacher. He didn't do it for the money, he was working at a
private school and had five children, he just did it because he was
devoted to it. He taught at school during the day, and then he would
tutor other kids at night. It wasn't just a job, it was his life.
He did this until his last day. Last night, one of the spanish teachers
from my school dropped her duaghter off at his house. He was tutoring her
in Algebra/2. Alittle after five, he suffered a massive heartattack, and
died before he got to the hospital.
I heard about this a few hours later, and was very distraught. School
today was very somber, very solemn. The guidance conselors were there if
we needed to talk, and the teachers were very supportive. Everyone you
would talk to would have something to say about him, be it an funny story
about him, or a familar saying, everyone was touched by him in some form
or another.
I do not grieve for him. He lived his life here, and accomplished many
things. He would be happy knowing how many people he touched in his time
on this earth. He is in a better place right now, he's at peace with
himself now. I grieve for his family. They do not have a father, or a
husband there anymore, but they have the support of many. I wish them the
best of luck in the time ahead.
Goodnite Mr. Rapolla. You taught me alot. About algebra, about geometry,
and about myself. You were a great teacher, and a great friend. Even
though our lives only intersected for such a short time, your memory will
live in my heart forever. Thank you Mr. Rapolla, with my entire heart.
------
This issue is going to be weird. I've been in a very lethargic/depressed
mood the last week or two, and it may or may not show in my writing. It
does, however, show up in my attitude. I'm annoyed at different things,
things that didn't piss me off in the past. But, I'll save that for my
Valentine's Day rant.
Oh, about this issue. It may just be my perspective about things right
now, but I can't decide if this is a good issue, or a bad issue. I
normally get a feel for the issue before I release it, but right now, I
just have no idea. Ugh. We'll see in a few days, won't we?
I made a few minute/major changes (it's all in your perspective of them).
First, for those of your that dialed into a bbs and downloaded the latest
issues, I don't have official bbs distribution sites anymore. I still
support the local bbses, but the Internet is giant, and I'd rather email
the new issues of Jonas to a gazillion people, then call long distance and
upload it somewhere.
Anyway, there are no "official" distribution sites, but any bbs that
carries it can call itself a Jonas e'Zine Distribution Site. Happy now?
Good. The only "official" site, is the World Head Quarters. You can
always get the latest issue of Jonas from Avalon, reached at (908)
739-4274.
Also, way way back, back a few months ago. When I released Jonas Numero
Uno, I set one term. That term was, "this 'zine is all me! me me me me!
ha ha!" That translated to, "you can't write for it."
I figure, I've been doing Jonas for 10 months now. The last few months,
I've recieved nearly nill as far as submissions go. Belial, aka Marc
Newman, is one of the only ones who actually has been writing anything for
me. So, this 'Zine is basically going to be "me, and my close knit group
of friends." If I like you, and you have something intellegent to write,
maybe I'll publish it.
Hey, I've done the last 3 or 4 issues with little outside help, and I've
done fine with it. So, why not continue it. :)
Lastly, I've jumped the ship, and become "Internet-trendy." Yes, I've
joined the millions of people who "web-surf", and put up my own.
Actually, I put up three of my own. Just a simple index page ("The
Unofficial Homepage of Tom Sullivan"), the official Jonas page, and an
unofficial homepage for WHTG-FM, located here in senic New Jersey. Check
the index page at: http://www.cybercomm.net/~edi/homepage.html, and you
can reach all the pages.
Have a good day.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonas contact information located at the end of this file.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(2) - Chronology of the Communications Decency Act - Edicius
Here's a timeline of events for those of you who aren't fully familar with
the history of this very objectional bill.
Taken from the "Campaign to Stop the Unconstitutional Communcations
Decency Act", put out by the Voters Telecommunications Watch (vtw@vtw.org)
Feb. 1, 1995 - S314 introducted by Senator Exon (D-NE) and Gorton (R-WA).
Feb. 1, 1995 - S314 referred to the Senate Commerce committe.
Feb. 21, 1995 - HR1004 introduced by Rep. Johnson (D-SD).
Feb. 21, 1995 - HR1004 referred to the House Commerce and Judiciary
committees.
Mar. 23, 1995 - S314 amended and attached to the telecommunications reform
bill by Senator Gorton (R-WA). Language provides some provider
protection, but continues to infringe upon email privacy and free speech.
Apr. 7, 1995 - Senator Leahy (D-VT) introduces S714, an alternative to
the Exon/Gorton bill, which commissions the Department of Justice to study
the problem to see if additional legislation (such as the CDA) is
neccassary.
May 24, 1995 - The House Telecomm Reform bill (HR1555) leaves committe in
the House with the Leahy alternative attached to it, thanks to Rep. Ron
Klink of (D-PA). The Communications Decency Act is not attached to it.
Jun. 14, 1995 - The Senate passes the CDA as attached to the Telecomm
reform bill (S652) by a vote of 84-16. The Leahy bill (S714) is not
passed, but is supported by 16 Senators who understand the Internet.
Jun. 21, 1995 - Several prominent House members publicly announce their
opposition to the CDA, including Rep. Newt Gingrich (R-GA), Rep. Chris Cox
(R-CA), and Rep. Ron Wyden (D-OR).
Jun. 30, 1995 - Cox and Wyden introduce the "Internet Freedom and Family
Empowerment Act" (HR1978) as an alternative to the CDA.
Aug. 4, 1995 - House votes 421 - 4 to attach HR1978 to Telecommunications
Reform bill (HR1555)
Aug. 4, 1995 - House votes to attach Managers Amendment (which contains
new crimincal penalties for speech online) to Telecommunications Reform
bill (HR1555).
Aug. 4, 1995 - House passes HR1555 which goes into conference with S652.
Sep. 26, 1995 - Sen. Russ Feingold urges committee members to drop
Managers Amendment and the CDA from the Telecommunications Deregulation
bill.
Dec. 7, 1995 - The House half of the Telecomm conference committee votes
the "indecency" standard for online speech into the Telecomm Deregulation
Bill.
Jan. 31, 1996 - The House and Senate prepare to signoff on the conference
report for the Telecomm bill and rush a vote to the floor.
Feb. 1, 1996 - Telecommunications Deregulation bill overwhelmingly passes
the House 414 - 16, and passes the Senate 91 - 5.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(3) Violation of our guarenteed rights. - Edicius
[See endnotes for additional information.]
"Whoever -- in interstate or foreign communications, by means of a
telecommunications device knowingly .. makes, creates, or solicits, and
initiates the transmission of, any comment, request, suggestion,
proposal, image, or other communication which is obscene, lewd,
lascivious, filthy, or indecent, with intent to annoy, abuse, threaten,
or harass an other person .. shall be fined .. or imprisoned not more
than two years, or both .. " -- Section 502 (1) (a)
If a group of breast cancer patients were not allowed to discuss their
cases with each other, would we not be mad?
If we were not allowed to view such works as Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel
paintings, would we not be outraged?
With the passage of the telecommunications "reform" legislation
overwhelmingly passed by Congress and signed last week by President
Clinton, these things, and more, are now described as "indecent" material
for online viewing.
Our elected officials have gone out of their way to pass the most sweeping
U.S. telecommunications bill in over 60 years, and have violated our
Constitutional rights in the new medium of computer networking. This bill
contains a very vague and broad definition of what speech is unacceptable
online, criminal prosecution, and large monetary fines, which will set off
a tidal wave of censorship to avoid real and perceived liability.
Internet providers will be forced to snoop and censor what their users do
while online, so they themselves will not face criminal prosecution.
Major corporations that have been started in the fields of Internet
service and online publishing, which have invested large amounts of money
into our economy, now face an Economic uncertainty. This will lead to the
closure of many of these buisinesses.
The telecommunications bill encourages states to define their own
indecency laws. This legislation will lead to a legal tangle in the
courts, with contradictory local regulations enforced from afar against
providers and users in other areas. What's legal in New Jersey, may not
be legal in New York.
In the future, other media will be affected by this as well. With the
expanse of newspaper, television, and radio, into the online communication
field, it will become expensive to create a censored version for the
online part, and a regular version. Hence, this will lead to a
combonation of the two, and a single, censored, version on all fields.
Because of the broad definition of "indecent", the King James Bible could
be censored for the repeated use of the word "piss" (Kings II), a word
already defined by the Supreme Court as indecent. A "Schindler's List"
web site would earn an Internet service provider prison time. Anything
featuring nudity, in any context, including breast cancer information or
photos of Michelangeolo's Sistine Chapel paintings, could result in the
poster of the information facing large fines. We face a very bleak
future, when indecency applies to items of artistic talent, social value,
or medical necessity.
Part of this bill also targets prank telephone calls. Section 502 (1) (d)
states,
"Whoever -- makes repeated telephone calls or repeatedly initiates
communication with a telecommunications device, during which
conversation or communication ensues, soley to harass any person at the
called number or who recieves the communication; shall be fined under
title 18 .. or imprisoned not more than two years, or both."
Is the Internet not covered by our First Amendment right? Do Internet
users not have the same rights as a person walking into a bookstore? Does
the government have the right to pass laws without having one public
hearing to hear what we, as American Citizens, have to say?
Many civil liberties groups have already said no to this bill, and are
preparing a massive legal challenge to this bill. It is neccasary to
protect what we, as American Citizens, are guarenteed in the First
Amendment: The Freedom of Speech, Press, Association, Religion, and
Petition.
----------
Luckily, over the last few days, there has been a turn in the case. For
the best of Internet users. U.S. District Judge Ronald L. Buckwalter
ruled in Philadelphia on Thursday, February 15, that until further notice,
the government cannot enforce the "indecency" clause in the
Telecommunications Reform Bill.
He says the government must come up with a definition of indecency. His
research indicates that the Supreme Court never defined the word, which
leaves many people wondering what is forbidden, and what is allowed.
He also is hearing the cases of the ACLU, and 19 other groups who filed
suit against this bill the days after President Clinton signed it into
law.
In my local area, a case has been brought to light over the last few days.
A woman living in the town of Long Branch, NJ, started recieving letters
from men wanting to have sex with her.
Stephany Willman, 41, believes that her ex-boyfriend, who now lives in
Florida, scanned and posted nude pictures of her to "several erotic
newsgroups." The pictures also included her address, and asked that
lonely men write her.
A South-Florida Internet provider, Icanet, has suspended the account of
the poster of the pictures. It is not known whether or not her
ex-boyfriend is using the account, but it is suspected. Icanet presidet,
Bob Hurwitz said, "I caught him doing it again, and we put a cancel on his
postings immediately."
A man claiming to be Willman's ex-boyfriend called a local newspaper, the
Asbury Park Press (who have been covering this story) and said, "I want to
contact Bob Hurwitz and do anything I can to get Stephany's pictures off
the Internet. I'm not a computer whiz and I'm not the horrible person
everybody thinks I am."
Of the 3 pictures posted, only one was nude. The other two were pictures
of Stephany in a bikini.
Police say that a harrassment case against Willman's ex-boyfriend remains
open, but they will not pursue the case. It would be impossible to get
the main from Florida to New Jersey for a disorderly charge. If enough
evidence is found to prove that he really posted the pictures, then
Florida Police would have to handle the case.
I swear, this whole "computer" thing gets stranger by the day.
Notes:
(1) Portions of this article were printed in the _Asbury Park Press_ on
February 13, 1996.
(2) Some portions of this article were taken from "EFF Statement on 1996
Telecommunications Regulation Bill", released February 1, 1996.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(4) "Oh, sorry." - Edicius
"Here's your fucking coffee, asshole," said the greasy haired fifteen
year-old to the customer.
"What was that you said, boy?"
"I said, 'HERE IS YOUR FUCKING COFFEE, ASSHOLE.'"
"Why'd you say that?"
"Because people like you come in here all day, look down on me like you're
better or something, order a eggs and coffee, and leave a nickel tip.
Then you go home, for a rousing day of looking through the classifieds for
a new job, and new parts to your '78 Ford sitting on the cynderblocks on
your front lawn."
"Oh, ok. Got anymore half and half?"
Startled, the boy said, "Uhm.. Yeah, in the back. I'll get you some.
"Wait, you're not mad for what I said to you?"
"Nope. Not at all. I'm used to it."
"Used to it?"
"Yeah. I'm James Exon, a senator from Nebraska. You wouldn't believe how
many people yell at me all day, all for this stupid Telecommunications
Bill. If I hurt you by my part in it, I'm sorry. I just had to get back
at those assholes on Compuserve. If they won't let me post naked pictures
of myself, no one can."
"Uh. Ok. I'm gonna go cleanup in the kitchen now, nice meeting you."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(5) <Insert Generic Valentine's Day Rant Here> - Edicius
In the past, I never really got down about Valentine's Day. The last few
days, however, I have gotten down about it, and alot of things. Being
that it's Valentine's Day and all, I figure I'll rant about love this
issue. It's always a fun topic to talk about, right?
I never had a girlfriend, I've never been out on a date. I have liked
people, but I really like a girl right now. But its confusing. I've been
told by some that she isn't right for me, that she wouldn't even go out
with me. But I think she is right for me, I think she's pretty, I think
she has a good personality, but I do see the flaws in her. Maybe I'm
blind to certain things, maybe its just something deep-rooted in my mind
where I think I need to like someone to be normal, maybe I'd be considered
gay if I didn't like a girl at 16 ...
Then again, I never really threw out the idea of being gay.
I find that many guys, especially around my age, are very homophobic. So,
I play with this trait in them. I make passes at them, jokingly of
course, and make jokes about bestiality and incest. But there is a point
where I crossed the joking phase. I said to a friend recently, "I'm gay,"
and then continued the conversation without a grin or anything. It seems
so casual to say it. Why not just bypass the whole girl phase, and just
go gay. Better yet, I'll just remain single for my life.
Back to the girl I like.
I've been told I should ask her out, but I never get the nerve to. Maybe
if I really, truely, liked her, then maybe I would ask her out. But I
have doubts at time. I never had a girlfriend yet, but right now I'm
looking for the perfect girl to go out with. So, sometimes I think that
maybe the whole reason I like her is because I don't like anyone else, and
she's the only one who I have a remote liking to, and it just becomes that
much bigger because of it. (Did you follow me there?)
.. and that all goes back to the deep-rooted feelings about being gay and
things like that.
I want to find a girl that I can have a deep love with. Not someone who's
love is superficial, but someone who is intellectual & funny, not to
mention pretty. It's the typical thing a guy looks for. I'm not looking
for sex. I wouldn't mind it, but that's still way back in my mind.
I never experienced "love" first hand, so I may go on like a flaming
hyprocitical idiot. I see people and how they profess their "love" and
how great it is, but then a time comes and they break up, and then see how
silly & fake their "love" was.
Sometimes I feel alienated and different because I never felt love. I
never felt the emotions that come with it, be it happiness or sadness.
I'm most happy that I've never experienced the sadness that goes along
with love, but I don't think I've ever truely been happy.
I've been happy, but there just seems to be an intoxicating happiness that
accompanies love. It's just a different type of happiness, that you can't
reach without love ..
.. or so it seems.
As I said, I've never really felt love.
I made a vow to myself, to ask the girl that I really like right now out
by the end of the school year. "Babysteps", just like Bill Murrary said
in _What About Bob?_. So, within the next few months, I will, or will
not, have a girlfriend. Whether or not I have one, I at least asked her
out.
Wish me luck. :)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(6) Particle man vs. Universe man: The Great Debate - Edicius
Recently, on the They Might Be Giants mailing list, a very important
question was raise: who would win in a fight between Particle Man and
Universe Man. (Two characters in the TMBG song, "Particle Man.")
Now, you must consider all sides of this great debate. Let's analyze the
lyrics, and find the deeper meaning:
Universe man, Universe man / Size of the entire universe man / usually
kind to smaller man / Universe man
Now, according to this, Universe man is the size of the entire universe
and he is kind to smaller men. Knowing that, Particle Man must be smaller
then him and Universe man must be nice to him. Does that mean that
Universe man is instantly nice to him, and Particle man wins by default?
.. or do they fight? In this case, let's look into the fight a bit.
Universe man is big, he's the entire universe. The universe is infinate.
Does that mean that Universe man's size is neverending? Then where is he?
Is he above us? or below us? Are we him? Are we _on_ him?
Particle man is small, but he might have the speed, but we're not sure.
Back to the lyrics,
Particle man, particle man / Doing the things a particle can / What's
he like? / It's not important
They never tell us what he can do, but he should be fast. He's small and
compact, like a particle. So, let's say he's fast.
Now, we have the universe, versus a miniscule particle. Albeit, a fast
particle. I'd put my money on Universe man here. I mean, he is really
big, a gajillion times the size of Particle man. His reach must be
amazing. He could stand really far back, and never get touched by
Particle man. Alittle lobsided. The Vegas bookmakers would put this in
favor of Universe man.
But, there is one chance for Particle man. What if he catches Universe
man while he's in happy land. Back to the lyrics,
Universe man / He's got a watch with a minute hand, / millennium hand
and an eon hand / when they meet it's a happy land.
We don't know how often he's in happy land, because we don't know how
often the minute, millennium, and eon hands all coincide. There still is
that chance that Particle man could come up with an upset. Buster Douglas
did it!
But wait, what if we turn this into a tag team match? Triangle man and
Person man could team up with Particle man.
Maybe, maybe not.
Triangle man / Triangle man / Triangle man hates particle man / They
have a fight / Triangle wins / Triangle man
Triangle is stronger then Particle man, so that's an advantage for the
Particle man/Triangle man combonation, but there's one key element that
we're missing here: cooporation! "Triangle man hates particle man." They
can't get along. Too much friction!
What about Person man?
Triangle man / Triangle man / Triangle man hates person man / They have
a fight / triangle wins / triangle man
After this fight, that puts Person man on or about the same level as
Particle man. They both lost in a fight to Triangle man, and they both
must be bitter about it. They could team up!
No they couldn't. Person man is a very bitter man.
Person man, person man / hit on the head with a frying pan / lives his
life in a garbage can / Person man / is he depressed or is he a mess? /
does he feel totally worthless / who came up with Person man? /
degraded man, person man
Person man is too bitter at life to team up with anyone. Look, first,
he's hit in the head with a fuckin' frying pan. I don't know about you,
but I'd be a tad pissed about that. Then, he lives in a garbage can! I
mean, we're not talking about Oscar the Grouch here, he's really living in
a garbage can here.
Conclusion -
Particle man could fight Universe man, but he'd get his ass kicked. With
no help of joining forces, there's really no hope for Particle man. Pity
him.
Triangle man fighting Universe man? Well, I'd still put my money on
Universe man here. He's just huge.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(7) Reviews!
eZINE: E-Weezer - Volume 2, Edition 5
Now this is the ultimate in 'Zines for the Weezer fanatic, like myself.
Every issue, a new one comes out almost every week, is packed with the
newest in information about Weezer, and related bands. Including, The
Rentals, That Dog, Space Twins, Spain, and 9 Iron.
This issue, released February 15th, has a review of That Dog's concert at
Whiskey A Go-Go in Hollywood. It also introduces and gives information
about Space Twins (Brian Bell from Weezer's side project), Spain (Petra
and Rachel Haden from That Dog's brother's band :)), and 9 Iron (The side
project of Tony Maxwell from That Dog). There is also a good article
about bootlegging of concerts.
They even mention Jonas in this issue, too. :)
I highly suggest that you check this 'Zine out, it really has alot of
information. Tour dates, rumors, concert updates, everything you possibly
need to know about Weezer and related bands.
To subscribe, send email to SPBumholio@aol.com, or check out the web site
at http://members.aol.com/WeezerDGB/eweezer.htm
----------
eZINE: I Want To Be a Rock and Roll Star - Issue 19
This e'Zine is the side project of Jen Jurgens (aka BlackPope7), the
editor of Moderate Rock E'Zine (see review in Jonas 14). This 'Zine comes
out between issues of ModRock, and is very good.
This issue contains a very interesting comparision of television to music.
Her article, "Why Rock Music Is Like Television" compares the Fox Network,
to bands like Bush, Offspring, and "The Presidents of the United States of
Bands With Too Many Words in Them For Anyone to Say Their Name Without
Being Forced to Take 3 or 4 Breaths." CBS = Classic Rock? The list goes
on and on. Amazing, eerie coincidences between music and televsion!
Remember Alf? I'm sure you do. Did you ever stop and think exactly what
Alf meant to us? What he taught us? If you didn't, you'll learn now.
Alf taught us alot, and Jen tells us exactly what it is he taught.
This 'Zine, coupled with Moderate Rock E'Zine, is one of my favorite
'Zines that I read regularly. Jen puts alot of work in this, and has a
very unique style of writing. This 'Zine is a must read.
To subscribe, send email to Modrock@intele.net.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
(7) The End
I hope you enjoyed this issue. Please send all comments, be it good or
bad, to edi@cybercomm.net. Pass the word of Jonas around, I'll love you
for it.
Oh, also, the next issue of Jonas will be coming out on April 1. Yes, I'm
totally skipping March. In 42 days, there will be a new issue. The
reason for this is simple: April 1 is the one year anniversary for Jonas.
Yes, that's right. For one whole year, I've been geeking out on this damn
computer, improving my writing, and bringing Jonas to you.
I could rush, make a quick issue, and then do the big one year
anniversary issue. Then the big one year anniversary issue would become a
"not-so big one year anniversary issue."
God, who would have thought? A year ago, I put out 4 issues in 8 days.
Now, I can't do 2 issues in 42 days. :)
I will be emailling and contacting alot of different people for special
things I'm doing for the next issue. I will (hopefully) have a really big
surprise in the next issue. Just wait, you'll be happy.
I'll stop the tangent here. I'll see you in 42 days. I'll be a stronger
and wiser man. I'm going to see Spacehog in a week! I hope you enjoyed
this issue. Have a great day. See you April 1st.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonas E'Zine Issue 15
Send all inquiries to edi@cybercomm.net
Visit the Jonas Website at http://www.cybercomm.net/~edi/jonas.html
Finger Edicius at edi@raven.cybercomm.net
Jonas, Slinky, and alot of radness - Avalon (908) 739/4274
Thanks to Belial and everyone who has supported Jonas over time.
"Jonas. It's more then a 'Zine, it's a lifestyle."
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Jonas E'Zine -- Volume 2, Number 1 -- Released April 2, 1996
Jonas is produced semi-regularly by Edicius (Tom Sullivan). Jonas
and the material therein are property of Edicius and Jonas Print Matter
Incorporated. Jonas may be freely distributed as long as this notice
remains in place, and there is no fee charged for its retrevial.
Deep in my heart, I do believe / We're not gonna make it
No, no, we're not gonna to make it / Cuz' we don't have the talent
And we don't have the time / And we don't have the patience
And we don't know how to rhyme
Presidents of the USA - "We're Not Going To Make It"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonas E'Zine Volume 2, Issue 1 April 2, 1996
Contents:
(1) - Edicius' Editorial
(2) - "Contentment" - by Cerkit
(3) - What Do You Think of Jonas?
(4) - Don Imus and the Political Barrier - by Edicius
(5) - "Salt Shaker Psycosis" - by Cerkit
(6) - "Barney and Friends" - by Edicius
(7) - Reviews: Edicius' Opinions on EVERYTHING!
(8) - Closing Notes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(1) Edicius' Editorial
If you were to pick one particular year out of anyone's life, and examine
it, you would notice many changes in that person. These changes in their
personality effect everything and everyone around them. Everyone changes,
but many won't realize it.
Over the last year, I have changed alot. I have had many new experiences,
as everyone has had, and I've learned alot about life and myself. I've
learned things I can do, things I can't do. Many won't realize that they
have changed, or refuse to admit it. I am one of the fortunate, or
unfortunate, however you see it, to have my last year pretty thoroughly
documentated.
In a way, I have kept a diary of the last 366 days. The diary's name is
Jonas. As I look through the beginning stages of the 'zine, where I was
still new to the 'zine thing, and writing in general, I see a very scared
person. I admit it, during the first phase I was scared, as anyone would
be. I didn't know how I would do, where this would take me, or what
people would think of me.
Then, I see a place where I liked what I was doing, and felt comfortable
with it, and my writing changes. Originally, the sole intent of this
'zine was to be "the lamest thing ever created in 5 hours." (5 hours, for
your information, is the time it took me to think up the concept of Jonas,
write all the articles, and release issue one.) I wasn't happy with how
that was going, however. I was getting rave reviews, I had a large
audience, but it was for being dumb. I was writing in a stupid and sloppy
manner, and it sold.
I knew, however, in all of the realative success that I was achieving with
that style, that I could accomplish much more. I made a few subtle
changes here and there, being more selective about the articles I took,
changing the format, and other small things. Then one day, after issue
11, I totally changed the format, from programmed to ascii text. I also
changed the theme of it, from wacky and insane, to a more serious style.
I changed alot in that time. I grew surer in myself. I started to
straighten out the things in my life that were going a wry. I saw the
rough outline of my future, and I knew what I wanted to do. What I have
done with Jonas is what I've wanted to do for along time.
I've been thinking alot lately. I spend hours upon hours on the computer.
Hours and days pass by without my noticing at times. If it weren't for
my health, I might never sleep. I feel "dorky" because a good majority of
my friends that I hang out with are people I've met over the computer. I
feel like I'm doing this for nothing.
Then, I think again. I realize that right now in my life, everything is
stable. I wish that things were going alittle better, but I can't
complain about one thing. School is going fine, I've brought my grades up
to a point where they are comendable. I have a group of my close friends
that I talk to almost every day, and hang out with quite often. My family
is great. I have my health. What do I have to complain about? The
computer thing? Meeting people over the computer is just like meeting
them over any other medium.
You do what you feel most comfortable doing. If you are most comfortable
with a keyboard under your hands, so be it. If you are comfortable
walking around Midtown Manhattan with a tarzan outfit on, so be it.
My point for the whole long winded editorial will be summed up here:
The last year, I have gone through many changes, as everyone has. Jonas
has been there with me, and has changed alongside of me. I am very happy
with how everything is going right now.
That editorial made very little sense? Well, what else have you come to
expect of Jonas? :)
I would like to take a second out and thank the following people. Over
the last 366 days, many people have done many things for Jonas. They may
have written an article, or drawn a piece of artwork for it, but above
all, all of these people were there for Jonas and supported. They may
have supported it from Jonas' meager beginnings, or have only read one or
two issues, but show a current support of the 'zine.. To these people, I
extend my greatest thanks:
Ace Lightning, Akira, Asphixia, Basehead, Belial, Black Francis,
Briangeek, Cerebral Neurosis, Cerkit, Christopher Robin, Cidica, Crank,
Creed, Crimson Tide, Daniel from e-weezer, Dark Phiber, Defective Mind,
Diehard, Eerie, Epidemic, Errant Angel, Fake Scorpion, Flood, Frost Byte,
Grey Hawk, Grimjack, Hooch, Ilsundal, Inner Chaos, James Hetfield, Jen
from Mod Rock, Jestapher, Kurdt, Lord Valgamon, Lucifer, The Masked
Marauder, Meep, Mercuri, Metal Chick, Mindcrime, Misfit, Mistawho, Mister
E., Mogel, Mojo, Morpheus, Murmur, Napalm, Nebula, Pale, Pip the Angry
Youth, Radigan, RaD MaN, Rattle, Chris Rake, sCandal, Shadow Tao, Shakti,
Spiff, Subconscious, SuperDave, Terminal Velocity, The Blunted One, The
Master, Time Killer, Traq, Trip, ts, Tut, Twisted Terrorist, Jon Vena,
vYrus, Whoops, Wizard of Id.. .
.. and thanks to the following 'zines who show that people use the
computer to write about more then just erotic dreams.. These are a few of
the current 'zines that I read regularly and enjoy, to varing extents:
Chemical Chocolate, Cooler Then You, Cult of the Dead Cow, Doomed To
Obscurity, Dreaming in Digital, e-weezer, Flashbyte, Fucked Up College
Kids, I Want To Be a Rock and Roll Star, Grill, Klunk, The Last Word,
Moderate Rock e'Zine, Phone Losers of America, Pork, Radioactive Aardvark
Dung, Relish, Slinky, Teenage Young Minds Expand, Underground eXperts
United, y0lk.. .
Thank you for taking the time out to read Jonas. If this is the first
time you've read Jonas, or the 16th, we thank you just the same.
"Jonas is more then a 'zine, its a lifestyle."
-----
Update on past stories:
In Jonas 15, in the article entitled "Against the Communications Decency
Act", I reporetd on a local story involving a woman who had her picture
posted to several alt.binaries newsgroups. The picture also had her
address, and asked men to write her. The latest news available on this
story is that her ex-boyfriend is still being investigated in connection
with this act. The interesting sidenote, however, is that her
ex-boyfriend that is being investigated turns out to be Bruce
Springsteen's brother-in-law.
Mr. Springsteen declined to comment to Jonas about this case.
About my Valentine's Day rant that appeared in the last issue of Jonas:
several readers offered their suggestions as to what I should do, mainly
they told me I should ask the girl I wanted out. I did, she said yes, and
two days before our date, she changed her mind.
Love sucks.
Oh, and I have a special news annoucement. LISTEN UP CHAPS;
This is the last issue of Jonas. I'm not killing Jonas, but I am
continuing it under a different name, after some major changes. Namely,
we're merging with Slinky e'Zine. Sometime during May, the new e'Zine,
currently titled "Legacy", will be released. We will provide you with all
of the things you loved about Jonas and Slinky wrapped up into one big
issue, taken to the next level. We are the future of e'Zines.
Dang, I never got to print up the Jonas t-shirts.
If you wish to learn more about this, email me.. (MY EMAIL ADDRESS IS AT
THE BOTTOM OF THIS FILE, OK?)
Have a good day,
Edicius.
"We have found a common cause, and it's your money."
-- Johnny Rotten, of the Sex Pistols on why they decided
to reunite for a 20th-anniversary tour.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(2) "Contentment" - Cerkit
contentment, qualifies,
in my life as a surprise.
happiness, reigns
in my life as the thing that bring me pains.
smiles, become
in my life, the things i consider dumb.
frowns, become
in my life, what make me numb.
depression, reigns
in my life, without retrains.
discontent, qualifies,
in my life, made of lies.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(3) What do you think of Jonas?
I spent a few days, and emailed a cross-section of the Jonas subscription
list. I emailed people that I know have been reading it since day one,
and I emailed people who have been reading it for the last day. I wanted
a good representation of my readers. Here are the replies that I got to
the question I posed: What do you think of Jonas?
These are all of the replies that I got. I did not leave any one out
because I didn't like it. I wanted the truth, no (apperent) fluff.
Editing was only done for spelling and clarity sakes.
-----
jonas e'zine has gone through so many changes since it's original
inception, it blows my mind. originally started as a lame e'zine for the
PURPOSE of being a lame e'zine, it was immediatly brought to me by my
friend spiff, & i noticed it's difference from all other products in the
stupid-ass "ansi 'zine" genre. over time, edicius has shown to be a
better writer more with every issue of jonas, & i mean that sincerly.
today's version of what was jonas has a wonderful & a very professional
look as compared to most text-based e'zines. the writing is serious, has
a lot to think about, & basically has a lot of meat to it. totally a flip
of what it used to be. i think today's jonas lacks a bit of the wit that
i miss from the old jonas, however, what it has gained towers above what
it's lost. perhaps this is a reflection of the changes that have happened
in edicius himself, & it's just related to the 'zine. that's where i'd
put my money.
-- Mogel [Doomed To Obscurity Editor]
-----
i think jonas is particularly different in its style & approach. not
better, just different. it's rather in my view a 'zine filled with your
own belief's, and is rather opinionated. however, since i do have
curiosities about how people view certain things in the world, i find
jonas to be a good read. though, its definetly not a 'zine i read for
entertainment. i read jonas to get the facts, and views of one tom
sullivan. period.
-- Cerkit [Slinky Editor]
------
i've been reading jonas ever since issue one (as far as actual time, i
started reading jonas when you were on #5). anyway, jonas is like a
home-grown zine. when i read dto, it lacks the basic element of, "hey, im
here, i have nothing to do, blah."
this isn't necessarily bad, mind you, but sometimes i miss it. jonas has
that element, which makes it "direct" and "human" or whatever. plus you
admitted to masturbating, which makes jonas an institution in itself.
you've got GUTS man.
-- Fake Scorpion [Doomed To Obscurity Writer]
------
Jonas, very simply put, **is** the meat.
-- Jon Vena [WHTG-FM Promotions Director]
------
I have read jonas since the begining .. I have seen it go coded, to text
format. I liked it when it was wacky as hell (ie: issues like 1-10) maybe
even more .. but the new format Jonas has taken on (ie: serious, less
wackyness) is better for the zine.. more people will read and respect it..
(many people already do ) I like a 'zine thats wacky, but doesn't exceed
the wackyness point of extreme..
-- Lucifer [Ganja Writer]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
(4) Don Imus and the Political Barrier - Edicius
At the annual White House Radio and TV Correspondent's Dinner, they invite
a speaker to poke fun at the current political stories. Nothing has ever
happened much like it did at this year's dinner, with guest speaker,
syndicated Shock Jock, Don Imus. Imus is also known as being a very good
political interviewer, with guests such as Bob Dole, Bill Bradley, and Dan
Rather appearing on his show.
The correspondent's association, who invite the speaker to the dinner,
expects the speaker to poke mild fun at the president and policital
parties. Generally, they want him to lighten the mood. Imus, however,
took this as the opportunity past the line of decency. He was quoted as
saying, "When the First Lady laughed at my opening, I thought I was home
free."
Telling jokes concerning Clinton's alleged extramarital affairs, Senator
Bob Kerrey's artifical leg, and Newt Gingrich's gay half-sister, brought
more stone faces then applause as the night wore on.
When you are invited to speak for an event of this caliber, you generally
restrain yourself out of respect. You can say that Imus showed that he
was not afraid of anything by saying this in front of the President and
First Lady. However, when they are the hosts of the event, you show them
some courtesy and respect.
Imus' did not feel he did anything wrong by saying, "Did they expect me to
say one thing on the radio and then go to Washington and be a weasel?"
This is true, to an extent. You can say that the correspondent's pool
should have expected this from him, but they also could have expected him
to be somewhat more respectable. The shock jock genre is nothing new, but
no person has discussed the First Lady's menstraul cycle at a formal
Washington dinner.
Bob Dole, one who has been so open about his disregard for Hollywood's
culture problems, is a regular on Imus' show. This is a show in which the
material presented is normally the same type of material that he is
against.
Hypocritical?
Maybe. Imus is considered a popularity booster in Washington. Many
believe that an appearence on his show will raise your standing, make you
known, and possibly get you elected. This would explain why some aren't
angry at Imus for his remarks.
.. either that, or they are just afraid of him. Imus is a very
intimidating man. He has been known to go off on people who disagree with
his views. When a Washington Post critic wrote a negative review of his
show, he was called a "homo" and a "Jew" for weeks on air.
The bottom line in this -- no matter what happens, Imus has his style.
Whether or not people should have expected this beforehand can be debated.
We do know one thing, this is the way Imus is, and this is the way he will
continue to be. No amount of talk or negative press will change him. It
hasn't done it yet, and won't do it in the future.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
(5) "Salt Shaker Psychosis" - Cerkit
The constant drama played on. A darkness all around. Loud bangings. A
varitable utopia of opposing angry chants. A gaped grace & grassland
causing flaring. Deathly ill among the peasants, a sort of chill arose
them. A chill called pain. It shivered up and down their spines, and
destoryed every part of their souls. A nearly dominant figure stood tall,
within this and by those means kept monarchy over the shadowy inner
workings. Contemplating a template of output within what was considered
compliance to the very questioning of his existence. An "oh-so-good"
pleasure filled evening, filling what would be his next nights dream.
A lacey spirit undressing for his soul to implicate in his path of
conquests. A rather serious joke. Coincidently overriding his mind's
protection, and removing all that was his memories of frowns and
depression so much so he was happy forever. This spirit filled his own. a
worthless and useless existence no less from what was once, a life, a point
& happiness. A pounding so thunderous the heavens sprawled apart like
unvirgin legs, to cast a shadow over the sleepings & restings of closed
eyes.
The man awoke and turned the faucet off & went back to bed.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(6) Mischief on the Barney Set - by; Edicius
Barney & Kids (in unison): .. you love me, and we're a happy fam-i-ly.
Barney (thinking out loud): My my, Wendy, you look
umh-scrumindly-dumscious in your denim skirt
today!
Wendy: Uh, aren't we supposed to play make believe
police officer now?
Barney: I think we'll play make believe doctor now!
Director (offstage): Oh shit, he's going for the kid again.
Barney lunges toward Wendy, missing only slightly.
Barney: Why are you running away from me Wendy? Are
you intimidated by my jurrasic size?
Wendy (screaming): Help! Help! Mommie! Daddie!
Other Kid #1: Wendy, towards the treehouse! Go to
neverland, he'll never get you in there!
Stagehand (offstage): Mr. Director, I have the tranquilizer gun.
Just tell me when to shoot.
Director (moving onstage): Shoot when you have a clear shot. Don't
worry about the kids, we're not paying them
much. Just shoot the jurrassic asshole in
the groin.
Wendy: Get off me! He's slobbering! Help!
Barney takes off his mask, revealing a grotesque and hairy man of about
thirty-five.
Director: Get off of her Barney! We'll send you back
to prison. You remember the shower incedent,
don't you? Do you want that to happen again?
Barney: Just one kiss, that's all. Owch!
He is hit by the director, who lands a clean blow to the muppet-filled
temple. The stage hand readies himself with the gun just offstage.
Director: Shoot, you fuckin' intern! Shoot!
The stage hand shoots, and a dart whizzes through the air.
Wendy: Ouuh.. Barney.. Ouuh..
Barney: OUCH. MOTHERFUCKER. THAT FUC- (Ploop)
Barney drops to the floor, passed out.
Director: Thank god this wasn't a live broadcast!
Producer: Actually, the people from the National
Endowment of the Arts are here. I think we
just lost our funding.
Director: Doh! What else can go wrong?
Stage hand: I think Wendy is tramautized; or she just
experienced her first orgasm.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(7) Reviews: Edicius' Opinions on everything!
CONCERT:
Spacehog / God Lives Underwater / Mr. Mirainga
February 25, 1996 - Birch Hill Nite Club, Old Bridge, NJ
I haven't been to that many concerts in my life, but I have been to some
pretty good ones. However, the show that I saw here was undoubtly one of
the best that I have ever been to. For seven bucks, Spacehog, imported
from England via the East Village of NYC, God Lives Underwater, and Mr.
Mirainga with a near sellout crowd.
Mr. Mirainga, more or less, sucked. I didn't like what I heard of them
before hand. The lead singer has a really annoying voice, but aside from
that, he seemed very irritating on stage. Music wise, the band was pretty
good. Good basslines and drum beats. For some of their songs they used a
weird contraption that consisted of two bongo drums, a cymbal, tamborine,
and a cowbell. That made for a very interesting sound when added to the
normal guitar/bass/drums you hear.
Lyric wise, they were tried too hard to be wacky. If they didn't try so
hard to be funny, and concentrated alittle more on the lyrics, maybe they
would have been alittle better.. As the bassist said, "This next song is
pretty heavy.. It's about my grandma.. If you ever saw her, you'd know how
heavy it is."
God Lives Underwater just plain out rocked. This Philadelphian band with
their whole techno-ey/punk style, they played a very entertaining show.
With great songs like "No More Love" and "Drag Me Down", they are a band
with a style all of their own.
The "headliner" of the show, Spacehog, "imported from England via the East
Village" played a show just short of amazing. Playing their hits "In the
Meantime" and "Spacehog", they were a crowd favorite. Attracting a
diverse crowd which ranged from the early teens to fourties, they had
everyone moving the entire time through.
Spacehog constantly kept the crowd excited with little "conversations"
with the crowd. Spacehog pleased them by playing an extended version of
"In The Meantime" while members of Mr. Mirainga and God Lives Underwater
looked on from the side. They also have a great stage presence. Coming
out to begin their set with feather trimmed coats, and coming out for
their encore without the jackets, but with beers in their hands. They
showed that they were there for the crowd, and the crowd wasn't there for
them.
CD:
Presidents of the United States of America - "Peaches" single
Columbia/Pop Llama Records
5 tracks / 12:37
Overall: * * * * (out of 5)
This single features "Peaches", the radio friendly, bass driven song. But
Chris Ballew's vocals and "two-string basitar", Dave Dederer's
"three-string guitbass", and Jason Finn's "no string" drums, all come
together to form four other great songs. Three of which were previously
b-sides to other singles and 7"'s. "Confusion" appeared on the Home
Alive: the Art of Self Defense CD.
Track by track review:
Song: Peaches - A song that has a perfect blend of fast and slow parts
with strong a strong rythym lead by great drumwork by Jason Finn.
Song: Candy Cigarette - The bassline at the beginning of this song set the
mood for this song, right in the middle of slow and fast. It's one of
those songs that you can listen to, without getting a headache or getting
bored.
Song: Carolyn's Bootie - A fast "poppy" tune with very humuorus lyrics.
One of my personal favorites by the Presidents.
Song: Confusion - This is one of the few songs in which they actually use
a guitar. The screeching guitar makes this the fastest, and possibly
best, song on the CD.
Song: Wake Up - A slower song in which Chris and Dave's vocals are more
noticable then the instruments most of the times.
TELEVISION:
Squirt TV
MTV, Friday @ Midnight, Sunday @ 11:30pm
This is a talk show hosted by Jake and filmed in his room. Originally run
as a public access show on New York City's Cablevision, this was picked up
by MTV and has been airing for 5 weeks now.
Recent guests on the show have included Clerks/Mallrats Director Kevin
Smith, Jenny McCarthy, Adam Sandler, and Liz Phair, to name a few. Great
interviews combined with great music, wrapped up in a half hour.
Did I mention that Jake is 16 or 17 years old, too? How's that for every
teenagers' dream: having your own show on MTV while hanging out with
famous celebrities.
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(8) Closing Notes - Edicius
I thank you profusely for reading this issue. I'm happy that I got it out
on time..
If you are upset by my decision regarding the merger of Jonas and Slinky
e'Zines, just wait. I believe that you will really like what you get with
Legacy. May is just around the corner, so, you won't have to wait that
long.
I've been very bored with the computer thing lately. Email me. Let's
talk, send me your websites (I love them!). We can be cyber-pen pals.
Email me, please! edi@cybercomm.net
Well, good day. Jonas' LEGACY shall return in May.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonas e'Zine Issue Sixteen
Send all inquiries to edi@cybercomm.net
Visit the new and expanded Jonas website at:
http://www.cybercomm.net/~edi/jonas.html
Visit Belial @ Avalon, (908) 739/4274
Thanks to everyone who has supported Jonas over the last year.
"Jonas, it's more then a 'zine, its a lifestyle"
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Jonas E'Zine -- Volume 2, Number 1 -- Released April 2, 1996
Jonas is produced semi-regularly by Edicius (Tom Sullivan). Jonas
and the material therein are property of Edicius and Jonas Print Matter
Incorporated. Jonas may be freely distributed as long as this notice
remains in place, and there is no fee charged for its retrieval.
You can all just kiss off into the air
Behind my back I can see them stare
They'll hurt me bad but I won't mind
They'll hurt me bad they do it all the time
Violent Femmes / "Kiss Off"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonas E'Zine Volume 2, Issue 2 May 3, 1996
Contents:
(1) - Edicius' Editorial
(2) - Tragic Death Calls For New Regulations (Essay) / by Edicius
(3) - Supernatural Powers (Story) / By Edicius
(4) - Reviews: Edicius' Opinions on EVERYTHING!
(5) - News Snippets
In memory - Mystery Science Theater 3000
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(1) - Edicius' Editorial
You thought Jonas was gone, didn't you? Ha ha! I tricked you! It was an
April Fools Day joke all along! Didn't you know? Silly.
No, not really.
If you are just tuning in, last issue I announced that Jonas and Slinky
e'zines were merging together to form Legacy e'zine. Well, due to our
unfortunate timing, things came up between the four editors, and together
we didn't really have the time/energy/means to start a new e'zine. So,
we've gone back to our respective 'zines (with Mindcrime, who was the only
one who didn't have a 'zine of his own beforehand, and had the time to
start a new one, starting a new 'zine.)
Phew. So here it is, your beloved Jonas.
----------
As far as the newsworthy material of this month, there is hardly any, as
normal.
We didn't merge.
The web site (http://www.cybercomm.net/~edi/jonas.html) has been updated
and changed somewhat. I added graphics! You can read the new issues
online! Get new news about Jonas.. _AND_ you can get up to the minute
news and weather!
(You think I'm kidding about the news and weather?)
I am starting a new guest column in Jonas. Since some of Jonas can be
considered personal (as in a personal/diary 'zine), I want to hear from
you. Each issue I will have (or at least hope to have) a different writer
write about their life. Currently titled "How I Got This Way", each
person will pull things from their own life that they think shaped the way
they are today.
I've been doing this with almost every issue. I am constantly relating
things from my life that made me how I am. Maybe it was the relentless
teasing that I endured through 7th and 8th grade, or the time I made an
ass out of myself in front of the whole school; everything you do, no
matter how trivial it can seem to be, shapes our life or shows a different
side of you.
So, pick up that keyboard. Write about your life. Tell the world (well,
not the _entire_ world) about your life. Tell us about the exciting
things that happen in your daily life. Tell us about the time someone
pulled your shorts down in gym class, and you weren't wearing underwear!
Don't be afraid, I haven't.
If you are really interested in doing this, email me. I will publish it
anonymously, if you would like. If I really see something really
fascinating about you, or I get a tremendous response to your column, I
may give you a column in every issue! Just think about that!
To prove exactly how _easy_ it is to write something like this, I will act
as your caring guide into this amazing jungle. I figure, no one will
write for this column is I don't have the guts to do it first.. So, here
it is. I am bearing my soul for one and all...
----------
It may seem silly, but everything that I am today -- my personality and
such -- can have it's origin traced back to one day. One day changed my
life forever, and made me who I am today. This day was in seventh grade.
Let me tell you about myself first.
I was born December 12, 1979. In grand ole' New York City. I moved to
the New Jersey shore around my first birthday. La de da, I lived in a
somewhat white trash neighborhood for my first 13 years.
The area was good. I always had somewhere to ride my bike to. I always
favored going on long bike rides, somewhere near the beach. I had this
routine down, basically. I would ride about 2 1/2 miles to this baseball
field near a marina. I don't know what it was about it, but there was
this one peach tree. Right off of the road, next to the outfield. Maybe
it was the way the wind blew in from the water, the view, or whatever.
But that place was my utopia, my refuge. I loved that place. Sometimes I
wish I could go back there.
Growing up, I was always one of the smarter kids. Never _the_ smartest,
but I always did good enough. A's and B's.. However, I was always the
oddball. I had relativity few friends. My habits were always different
from the other kids. I just didn't have the same interests. I didn't
like playing sports, so I would always read. I look through some of the
books that I used to read when I was in third grade, and I'm amazed. I
also really liked maps. I could tell you every state and it's capital
when I was in third grade. I read, read, and read more.
I wasn't really fat. Just a little chunky. I rode on my bike, on average,
about 2 miles a day, sometimes as much as 6. For a 10 year old, that's
pretty good. So, because of the bike riding, I had fairly strong legs.
Nothing incredible, but enough where I looked semi decent down there. The
rest of my body is hell. Pure flab. I dress around my body, so I don't
really show. I never go without wearing a shirt. Even if it's 100
degrees, and I'm out at a pool or the beach swimming, I wear a t shirt.
Granted, I do have very fair Irish skin, so I have an excuse.
Anyway, since I was moderately overweight, I dreaded recess. We would
play the same game every day- kickball. What a stupid sport that was.
Maybe if I was good, I would not have minded. But I sucked. I never
could hit the ball past the "infield." If I did, I couldn't run very
fast. Damn those fuckers that made it so competitive. I would have to go
through such torment after recess because I sucked at it so much.
For about half of the fifth grade, three other kids and myself would sit
in the corner of the playyard and play with matchbox cars. Just making
roads in the dirt, driving the cars around, and then getting teased
because we weren't playing kickball.
I could deal with the whole school thing until about seventh grade.
Granted, I had my fair share of times when I was spit on, thrown at with
rocks, and beat up. I just don't really see the need to go into them that
much right now. Maybe at a later date. To sum up my grades school life
up to and including sixth grade- I was an outcast, nerd, dork. Not really
liked.
Boy, if I thought I wasn't liked in those years, wait until I moved!
When I was twelve, my parents decided that it was time for us to move. We
had been renting this small house, with rent going up and three kids
getting older, we didn't need it anymore. So, we decided to move to a
"better" neighborhood, which included changing schools.
Luckily, the school in which I was going to, I had one of my friends in.
Well, one of the two people I could consider a friend at that point. He
had been a grade ahead of me in my old school, and failed one year, so he
was forced to repeat the year. At that school, however, if you failed
after fifth grade, you had to leave the school. So, in the long run, it
helped me there. He helped me make friends and stuff, but I killed that
after two weeks.
Let me tell you about this school, first. I went from a fairly
conservative school, to a majorly different school. My old school had
about 40 kids in my grade, this one had 90. The kids themselves were
different, too. Kids were already having sex, smoking pot, and drinking;
in the seventh grade. Needless to say, this was all new to me.
I wasn't warmly accepted, either. My natural shyness, combined with the
new environment and the less then warm attitudes of the kids made me really
nervous. Man, I really hated it. I wanted to go back to my old school,
really bad.
Then it happened. The day that changed my life forever. You wouldn't
believe how one incident can change your life. This incident did.
One day, only about two weeks into my new school, I wasn't feeling so
good. Kind of sick, and very nervous. I don't know what really happened,
I just shit myself. I was feeling a little queasy, but thought it was
something in passing. I thought that I could hold it. But it happened
anyway, right in the middle of history class.
It was not just a small thing, this was a big thing. It stunk up the
whole wing of the school. For the new kid to do that, it was a sin. At
first, no one really knew what it was. Then, when we switched classes,
and they saw the chair that I was in, well, then they knew what happened.
The ride home from school was hell. At that time I was taking a mini-bus
to school (I hadn't moved into my new home yet), and all four kids on the
bus sat in the front, while I was in the back.
Stage one -- Denial. I had a lot of people, obviously, come up to me and
ask me if I did. I of course denied it, and not being the creative genius
I am today, I said it was some smell coming from the radiators. Obviously,
no one bought it. All alone, by myself. Setting the precedent which
would remain to this day.
LIFE WAS FUCKING HELL. You don't know how many nights I cried myself
sleep. I had no friends. My best friend (the one I knew prior to
switching schools) hardly talked to me for awhile. I had insults thrown
at me from every direction. But I took it. I really had nothing to say
to them. I did it, I admitted it (to myself.) I just sunk lower and lower
into my desk, and didn't talk to anyone.
For the rest of the seventh grade year, I was insulted pretty bad. But
after awhile, they did calm down. Eight grade, I was insulted _really_
bad. My new nickname: "Sergeant Piles." It was really abbreviated, the
genius who thought it up named me "Sergeant Piles of Shit." The wounds
just dug deeper. I still don't look at my yearbook from that school. I
cry when I read what the kids wrote it in. For all I care, they can all
rot in a big vat in hell. Fucking assholes.
I looked forward to high school. I figured it would be a clean canvas. I
was wrong. The 30 kids from my school that went to my high school soon
told the other 90 kids about my deep dark past. The torments went on
every single day. Everything from the kids saying "Man, I gotta take a
shit" as they walked past me, to people just blatantly walking up to me
and saying "YOU CRAPPED YOUR PANTS."
Everything really hurt. I always thought that I was the one with the
problem. I felt like the grotesque outcast. I didn't think I really
belonged anymore. On several occasions I came very close to that suicide
point, but I never got the nerve to actually go through with it.
Then, over a period of time, it hit me. I'm not really the one with the
problem; they are. Why the hell should I feel embarrassed? It was
something that has happened three years ago. Should I feel ashamed
because they're bringing up old garbage? No. It got boring after awhile,
actually. Always the same insults. Never anything new. So tedious.
But when I reflect on the whole incident, I actually am thankful that it
happened. That one day, back in September of 1994, changed my life
forever. It made me the person whom I am today.
I am a substantially stronger person. Look, if you had those kinds of
insults being thrown at you every five minutes, wouldn't you grow a little
stronger in yourself after awhile? Yes, it sounds very contradictory, but
somehow, it all unravels itself, and I'm the benefice in the end. Sure,
I would have wasted everything if I had killed myself a long time ago, but
I didn't. I'm here now, and that's what matters.
I was able to see the flaws in other people. I'm not the only person with
a gross past. I saw the traits in other people. I'm very perceptive of a
person's personality. That helps me a lot today.
Hell, if you really want to read into it. If I hadn't become so lonely,
when I got that modem in eight grade, I may not have geeked out on the
computer as much, and may not be sitting here right now writing this.
How's that for fate?
One thing that always struck me, was something that one of my "friends"
said to me near the end of eighth grade.. We were talking, and he told
me, "Tom, just think. Right now, everyone knows you. Would you rather be
known, or a lonely nerd?" Well. He was right. Everyone did know me,
maybe not what I would want them to know me for, but they knew me
nonetheless.
The really weird thing about the situation, is the fact that I have really
only talked about it to kids that I went to school with at the time.
Friends of mine from outside the school, I don't know if they know or not.
For some strange reason, however, I'm telling hundreds of strangers right
now. A year ago, I would never have even thought about this; right now,
I'm bearing my soul to all.
It's odd how you can gain hope from what seems like the most humiliating
incidents. I'm glad I can.
See how it all goes back to that one day? I might write a subsequent
article to this, and go into detail about other aspects of my life. For
now, I'll leave it at this, hopefully I'll have other people writing this
'new' column. If you really want to hear more, you can always email me.
----------
See? If I had the guts to write that, with possible whiplash from
immature readers who may bring it back up in my face, I'm sure you can
write something like that too. C'mon, I know you can.
As always.. Read, enjoy, send your comments to me.
Have a nice day.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(2) - Tragic Death Calls For New Regulations - by Edicius
"We need to begin by acknowledging our own contribution ... We feed one
another: those of you looking for publicity and those of us looking for
stories." "whether we in the media ... by our ravenous attention
contribute to this phenomenon ... We did."
-- Ted Koppel on the questions posed by the death of Jessica Dubroff.
-----
The death of Jessica Dubroff shows us, as Americans, just how competitive
we can be. This case brings to light new age parental teachers, a lax
government organization, and an overzealous American bond.
If a seven year-old was out driving a Ford down the New Jersey Turnpike,
people would be afraid that she would cause an accident; when she's flying
across the country, she becomes a national hero. Why would the Federal
Aviation Administration allow this to go on, then?
Granted, flying a plane is actually much safer then driving a car. You
have more informational gauges, easier controls, and less objects to
contend with. In theory, a seven year old should be able to fly a plane,
but do they have the mental capabilities to actually do so?
When Jessica Dubroff left Half Moon Bay, California, on April 10, she set
out, along with her father, Lloyd, and her instruction, Joe Reid, to
become the youngest pilot to fly cross country. The Guiness Book of World
Records discontinued this category in 1989 to prevent a tragedy like this,
and "Flying" magazine refuses to acknowledge attempts like this because
they did not want to promote a stunt like this. J. Mac McClellan, editor
in chief of the magazine said, "It has no validity from an aviation
sense: the pilot in reality is the certified pilot." A certified pilot
has to be 16, and this Jessica was not.
One can debate the clause(s) that let Jessica fly. The FAA won't review
their stand on flying age for about six months. At that time, the
results from the crash investigation will be in, and we will be able to
see who was really at the controls.
The flight left from California and stopped at Cheyenne, Wyoming, before
continuing with the trip to Falmouth, Massachusetts, with one more stop to
refuel in Fort Wayne, Indiana. The landing in Cheyenne was tough. There
were strong crosswinds that made the plane wobble on it's approach. The
takeoff the next day was even tougher.
With an approaching thunderstorm, the winds were whipping around at the
speed of 25 to 30 mph, which would make a veteran pilot cease flight.
In a push to keep on schedule, Jessica's father opted to continue on.
In an interview before the takeoff, Jessica appeared as chipper as she was
supposed to seem. "I had two hours of sleep last night." As they were
taxing to the runway, Jessica spoke to her mother on a cellular phone and
said, "Mom, do you hear the rain?"
The plane took off, and was noticeably overweight. The thin mountain air
(Cheyenne is 6,156 ft. above sea level) is a factor that adds extra time
to the take off. Many pilots who are used to flying at low-levels don't
compensate for this fact, and wind up in the golf course at the end of the
runway. As the plane went through it's sluggish and shaky takeoff, the
people on board must have instantly realized a problem. Reid's arms were
more fractured then anyone's, which leads investigators to believe he had
control of the plane.
Jessica's parents typified the New Age idealism that makes people look
crazy and strung-out. She was born in a birthing tub without a doctor or
midwife present. Her parents kept her out of any formalized school,
because they saw the institution of school as being too restraining.
Instead of toys, they were giving tools to build their own furniture.
Jessica and her mother lived in a house without television.
Her parents believed that the child's bliss should guide them. They
allowed Jessica to do whatever she wanted. According to them, after
taking a flight on her sixth birthday, flying was what Jessica truly
wanted to do. The idea of the cross-country trek was her father's,
presented to her as "her choice."
Her father became the public relations director for the voyage. Printing
up specialty hats to remember the event, and making sure that the proper
media (tv, print, and radio) would be covering it. From the minute she
took off, the news covered every moment of it. They knew that if she made
it, it would become the typical uplifting American spirit story that would
make everyone feel better. If she crashed, just another accident to
lead off the newscast with.
The parents, the FAA, and the media: All part of a large chain that fed
off of each other. The parents "fostered" their childrens' development,
without holding back anything. The FAA allowed this to go on, without
taking the proper precautions. The media covered the story, added the
fuel that her parents needed to push Jessica even further.
If the media wasn't involved in this, it may never have happened. Why
else would her parents push her to do this? (Oh wait, I forgot. This is
something that she _wanted_ to do!) What would they get out of it all? A
few boasts here and there? Surely not enough to provoke a sane person to
do this. (Whoops. Talking about the Dubroffs, and I used the word
"sane"? Surely I jest.) It is just another in the line of parental
pressure that pushes children to the point of burnout.
When her mother, Lisa Blair Hathaway, visited the crash site in Cheyanne,
Wyoming, she placed flowers on the spot. A young boy came up to her, and
attempted to give her a teddy bear. Her response was that her children do
not play with toys.
This crash leads to many unanswered questions. This tragedy did not have
to happen, but it did. The only thing we can do is to prevent it from
happening again. That can only come through stronger regulations from the
FAA.
The FAA can change the rules, but we can't change parental zealousness.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(3) - Supernatural Powers - By Edicius
"If you could be any X-Man", Mike began to say to his friend John across
the lunch table, "who would you be? Would you rather be Banshee or
Wolverine?"
"Well", John began to reply, "that's a hard question. Banshee can fly at
the speed of sound, and Wolverine has those big claws. Plus, he can
reheal really quick. I would take Wolverine. You would get tired of
flying after awhile."
"True, but if you could have a super-power, wouldn't it be flying?"
"Not at all. If you're a superhero, you HAVE to fly. If you don't, well,
then you're not a superhero. I mean, did you ever see a superhero who
didn't fly? Superman, Spiderman, Wonderwoman; they could all fly through
the air, somehow."
"Well, what about Hulk?"
"Man, if you were that strong, would you want to fly?"
"I guess not.. Well, what would your power be?"
"I would take the ability to stop time. You know how great that would be?
I mean, you would be the smartest, wittiest, and awesomest person in the
world. A teacher calls on you in school, you can pause time, and do
research on the question. If someone insults you, stop time and think of
something really witty to say. If you don't like someone, embarrass them
by taking off their clothes! It would be so fun! So dominating! You
could walk across the ocean and go anywhere!"
"Well, not really. I mean, the water wouldn't be still, because the water
molecules have to move still. If the air molecules are moving, so are the
water ones. If the air molecules weren't able to be moved, then you
couldn't move in the frozen time. It just wouldn't work. In that case,
you would need to be able to fly.. You would need that to get over the
oceans and stuff."
"True, very true. But imagine the possibilities. All the free sex you
want!" He points his friend toward Janice, who was bending over to pick
up a sodacan that she dropped. "Take Janice for a second. Pretty,
well-endowed, and perky. You want to have sex with a girl like that. But
you could _never_ have sex with a girl like that. As she is in a position
like she is now, pause time, lift up the skirt, and have fun."
"Wow. Good idea. You wouldn't have to worry about viruses, because
they're a living organism, and henceforth would be inactive at the time
you had sex. If you got her pregnant, no one would know who it was that
impregnated her! Two months down the road she starts getting sick in the
morning! Oh the joy.. Hey, you could also go into a bank, stop time, and
take all the money, too!"
"But, my friend, you wouldn't need to. Why would you need money when you
can go into a store, stop time, and take everything you want without being
seen?"
"Well, yeah. But you need some money to make some of the 'purchases' look
legitimate."
"I guess."
"Wait.. We agreed that the air and water molecules would be moving,
right?"
"Yeah."
"Well, if they're moving, then what is suspending the planes in the air?
The fish in the water? Whats to keep everything up? You could kill
thousands at a time by crashing every plane at the same time. You could
plan it, really- 'You leave for Florida Friday at four? Uh.. Have a nice
and safe trip'", Mike said with a sinister laugh. "Really, where would
gravity be? You would just float into the air. It would defeat the whole
purpose of stopping time. When you would reactivate time, you would just
fall back to Earth when gravity kicks back in.. or, you would burn
instantly if you floated all the way to space."
"Good point. Man, stopping time sucks. I'd take flying now. Actually,
I'd take invisibility with the power to walk through walls, but that's
being a little picky."
"Picky? You want to know picky? I'd take the invisibility with wall
walking option, but I would also have the power to slip out of my body,
and allow my body to keep functioning normally. Then I could slip into
someone elses'' body, and control them."
"Just take mind-control in that regard."
"I guess.. Hey, who would you rather be, Spiderman or Wonderwoman?"
"I'd be Wonderwoman. I would fuck saving the world and play with myself
all day."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(4) - Reviews: Edicius' Opinions on EVERYTHING!
Concert: Brutal Juice/Civ/Toadies - Stone Pony, Asbury Park, NJ - April 27
When I first heard that Civ was playing in my area, over a month ago, I
knew that I was going to that show. Over the course of a month, I had
about 18 different rides fall through on me. It wasn't until about 2:00
AM, the day of the show, that I had a definite ride.
I went to the show with fellow 'zinesters Mindcrime, Belial, and Lucifer.
We went there planning on buying tickets at the door. Unfortunately, a lot
of other people did too, and it was sold out when we got their.
Mindcrime and Belial didn't really feel like scalping tickets, but Lucifer
and myself did. Unfortunately, no one had extra tickets. One of my
friend's friend would have an extra ticket, but she didn't show up for
awhile. The bouncer at the door told me that in twenty minutes, he would
sell Lucifer and myself tickets for $20. The tickets went for $12.50, $15
with Ticketmaster charges, but we were willing to pay it. However, we
didn't have to wait, some guy had two extra tickets for $15 each.
We get in, and after finding our way to a reasonably good spot, we waited.
Waited, and waited, and waited. After about 30 minutes (over an hour
since the doors first opened), the first band comes on. The band was
Brutal Juice, whom I never heard of before, and didn't know what they
would be like.
They were actually really good. They turned out to be a pretty decent
punk band. Touring in support of their Interscope Records release,
entitled _Mutilation Makes Identification Difficult_, they played their
current single "Ugly on the Inside." After a few more dates with the
Toadies, they tour with Gwar in May.
The crowd got into this one. A pretty intense mosh pit, with dozens of
crowd surfers. The lead singer of Brutal Juice came out during their last
song and hung from the water pipe that ran just over the crowd. Needless
to say the bouncers were pissed. There was one fight which was cause by a
dickhead. The guy had the nerve to kick and hit someone after they fell
in the middle of the pit. It was quickly ended.
I promised Lucifer that I'd interject in my review that as he was getting
water between the Brutal Juice and Civ sets, a really hot girl was hitting
on him.
Next came the crowd favorite, Civ.
Near the end of the Brutal Juice set, I made sure that I made my way up to
front for the Civ set. If my past experiences with the band told me
anything, they told me that the place would erupt the second Sammy started
to pound on those drums. The place did when the first few notes of
"United Kids" were heard.
Playing songs from their Lava Records release, _Set Your Goals_, Civ
filled the air for about an hour with many socially uplifting messages.
Both during and between songs. Before their song, "Don't Got to Prove
It", Civ (the lead singer of the same-named band) said, "This song goes
out to everyone .. if you want to be a punk, a skinhead, a metalhead ..
whatever you want to be .. if you want to be a freak .. if anyone says
anything, fuck them."
Playing all of the songs on their CD, including "Can't Wait One Minute
More", "Choices Made", "State of Grace", and the title track, "Set Your
Goals", they also played a new song called "Social Climber." This song
was about the "very beautiful, very fabulous .. and the very annoying.
The kind I [Civ] fucking hate."
As always, the pit was incredible. During "So Far.. So Good.. So What",
the place erupted into a monster circle pit and hundreds doing the pogo.
Civ was constantly near the crowd. He didn't let the gate in front of the
stage stop him, either. He used the water pipes and lighting hanging over
the front of the stage to his advantage and constantly hung over the
crowd. When one crowd surfer almost hit him as he was singing, Civ
quickly said, "Hey, nice to see you up here."
The headliner of the night came on next. The Toadies are currently
touring in support of their current CD, _Rubberneck_. They were really
good, attracting a very diverse crowd age-wise. They played for nearly an
hour and a half.
I'm going to totally skip over the rest of the Toadies set. Mainly
because at the beginning of the set, I got knocked over in the pit, and a
400 pound guy fell on me. Luckily I was picked up before (too many)
people stepped on me. After that, I just slam danced and pogoed my way
across the floor, into the back of the club, and took a seat for awhile.
I did go back in, but I never did get into the Toadies' set too much.
They played really good, however. I guess if I had known more about them
before the show, I would have had fun.
Now, as I'm sitting here the next day, I see that I have something that
really looks like a bite mark on my wrist. I have no idea how that got
there. Eerie.
eZINE: Doomed to Obscurity - Issue Nine
For almost nine months now, Doomed to Obscurity has been releasing very
large issues. Many different writers with many different articles. The
last few issues prior to issue nine have been alittle less then what you
would expect from them, quality wise. This issue they changed that.
I really enjoyed this issue. They changed the layout, with one of the
editors, Eerie, working on it this time. That was a nice sight. Also,
they had some really great articles. My personal favorites were Styx's
"Sliced and Diced Hookers in a Ziplock Bag", Mogel's "My Belly", Morpheus'
"Video Games Stole My Childhood", and as always, all of Eerie's work.
The rest of the issue was good. The only things I didn't like were James
Hetfield's opening article called "Girls Can't Write", and Creed's "A
Multi-Cultural Spectrum of Anger." Dead Cheese's 'ascii toon' wasn't so
good, either.
You contact DTO at their web site, http://www.thirdwave.net/~dto, or by
emailing them at doomed@voicenet.com.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(5) - News Snippets - Compiled by Edicius
From the Middletown [NJ] Independent, 5/1/96:
_Boy Injured in Explosion_
(By Eileen Koutnik, Staff Writer)
ABERDEEN-- An 11-year old boy was seriously injured last week while trying
to make an explosive using gunpowder, wire, a battery pack, and an
electrical switch, police said.
The boy and at least two other boys -- one aged 12 and the other 14 -- were
at the victim's Cedar Place home in Cliffwood Beach section when the
accident occured at about 3:30 pm April 22.
They removed the gunpowder from shotgun shells, and tried to assemble an
explosive, police said.
The 11-year old suffered burns to his chest and the right side of his face.
He was airlifted to St. Barnabas Medical Center, Livingston Township and
released from the hospital April 25, a hospital spokeswoman said.
Lt. John Powers said police recovered the shotgun shells on the property,
but are still looking into where they came from.
Police said the victim was closest to the explosive when it exploded in the
living room of his house. The other boys were not injured.
One of the boys said they were inspired by the movie, "The Specialist,"
according to Powers. Powers did not know if they boys were being
supervised by an adult.
Charges are pending and will be filed in family court against the boys
involved, Powers said.
Aberdeen Police Detective Michael Vacaro and Detective Robert Mazur from
the New Jersey State Police are investigating.
----------
From the Middletown [NJ] Independent, 5/1/96, Letters to the Editor,
_Local Boys Did the Right Thing_
On April 13, I was notified by several young boys that they had located a
bag of drugs. The three young boys, Michael Guadian, Stephen Woodford and
Joeseph Walling waited at the scene and kept the item in sight until our
arrival. Althought the bag turned out the more tobacco than narcotic,
there was trace elements of marijuana in it.
According to Detective Stephen Wheeler, the course of action taken by the
youths was textbook according to what is taught in the DARE program. At
the minimum, the youngsters reconized the item for what it was --
potentially dangerous -- and they made a very good decision.
The detectives in this bureau would like to commend Michael Gaudian,
Stephen Woodford and Joseph Walling for th epositive actions they took on
April 13. Congratulations guys, you did a good job!
Kevin J. Cassidy
Detective
Keyport Detective Bureau
Bayshore Narcotics Task Force
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonas e'Zine Issue Seventeen
Send all inquiries to edi@cybercomm.net
Visit the new and expanded Jonas website at:
http://www.cybercomm.net/~edi/jonas.html
Visit Belial @ Avalon, (908) 739/4274
"Jonas, it is more then a 'zine, its a lifestyle"
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Jonas e'Zine -- Volume 2, Number 3 -- Released May 27, 1996
Jonas is produced semi-regularly by Edicius (Tom Sullivan). Jonas
and the material therein are property of Edicius and Jonas Print Matter
Incorporated. Jonas may be freely distributed as long as this notice
remains in place, and there is no fee charged for its retrieval.
.. and in the end
we shall achieve in time
the thing which is divine.
Spacehog / "In The Meantime"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonas E'Zine Volume 2, Issue 2 May 27, 1996
Contents:
(1) - Edicius' Editorial
(2) - How I Got This Way / by Mercuri
(3) - Internet Censorship Revisited / by Edicius
(4) - Snowglobes / by Funkdafied
(5) - Wacky Mall Excursions: Take One / by Edicius
(6) - Reviews: Edicius' Opinions on EVERYTHING!
(7) - News From The World
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(1) - Edicius' Editorial
[May 20, 1996]
Another Monday, more things on my mind. This may turn out to be little
more "ranty" then my normal writings, but eh. So be it.
There's less then 3 weeks left in the school year. Instead of jumping for
joy, I'm seeing the down side of it. Do you realize that a week from now,
the present seniors will be starting their exams. Soon after that, they
graduate. I won't see 90 percent of them again.
That's good. Out of that 90 percent of the ones I'll never see again,
99.9 percent I don't want to. However, there is one that I will utterly
miss. I've just fallen all over her in the last few months. Let me tell
you, it sucks.
She's popular, but not overly popular. She isn't drop-dead gorgeous, but
instead she can be simply described as cute. There is nothing else that
fits her better. She isn't ugly, but she isn't one that would strike you
as overly beautiful. Her personality is great. She amazes me. I just
don't know why.
I don't know how it really started, either. When my semester Art 2 class
started in January, she was in it. She wasn't in my Art 1 class early, so
I didn't know who she was. Two days into the class I looked in last
year's yearbook and found out exactly who she was. Since then, I've never
forgotten her name.
She will actually stop by my table and converse with me (well, me and the
others sitting at the table). I don't know if she's doing it just to make
casual conversation and be nice, or whatever. But I do know I melt when I
am near her.
She has a boyfriend. That hampers the whole situation. I saw his picture
one day, and he isn't that bad looking of a guy, and from what I hear,
he's not a bad person overall. So, basically, I don't have a chance with
her.
Couple in the fact that after a week I will never see her again, it makes
for one depressed Tom. In a week or so the seniors graduate and leave the
halls of my school forever. In August she will start getting ready for
college in Pennsylvania. I just can't win.
In two days, I have a rough draft for my history term paper due. I
haven't even started it. Well, I have the research and everything, I just
need to write it all out. Let me tell you how fun these next two days
will be.
On the upside. I get home from school today, and check my mail that I got
today. Not only did I get the new issue of Us News & World Report, with
the cover story of "Wired Whiz Kids" (good reading, btw. it's the 5/27/96
issue), but I have a big brown envelope sitting for me. Quickly I
recognize the return address as the Weezer Fan Club. Rock! Inside it
contained the spring '96 issue of Weezine (see review later in this
issue), but it also had an autographed picture of the band, along with
some other stuff.
In case you still didn't know, I took the name "Jonas" from the Weezer
song, "My Name Is Jonas." So yes, I love the band.
----------
As far as news this issue ..
The first installment in the new Jonas column, called "How I Got This
Way", was written by Mercuri. The goal of this column is to provide a
outlet for various people to talk about their lives. More specifically,
it is meant to show that the way we are today, personality wise, can
normally be traced to one single event in our lives. I believe Mercuri
captured this perfectly. You may know Mercuri as the editor of
Radioactive Aardvark Dung magazine. A million thanks go out to him.
As always, the website is changing. This time, I changed the layout and
graphics and stuff, so it actually looks good! The address is at the
bottom of the file. (Hey, if you're reading this from the website, you
don't really need to know it, do you?)
That is about it. Have a great day.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(2) - How I Got This Way - by Mercuri
I was at a friend's birthday party back in eighth grade, now, we had
planned the whole time we were going to raise Hell that night. Whether it
was by terrorizing him in his sleep, or T-Ping. We played football in his
backyard, then we realized what we thought was mud was actually goose
crap, so we stopped. I poured a laxative in his drink, all in the name of
good- natured fun, it was his birthday =).
Anyway, the night dragged on. We started playing "Risk," the board game
at about 2:00am, me and two other anonymous friends went out to T-P and
egg houses/cars, whatever crossed our path. We found the first house,
nestled tightly away in the woods, hit it with about two rolls of toilet
paper, shaving creamed their windows. it was a masterpiece of vandalism,
it brought tears to my eyes. =) Moving along, we went to the next house,
while the third musketeer got weak in the knees and decided to go back to
the house and play Risk with the rest of the people still their.
This is where the destruction began, and basically my whole life is a
result of the consequences of the following actions. I myself, uprooted a
stop sign, and speed limit sign, stole a license plate and slashed two
tires. We together uprooted about eight to ten mail boxes. The adrenaline
was flowing that night.
We went back to the house, where we played Risk until I fell asleep. I
woke up around 4:00am only to find myself covered in shaving cream.
"Those crazy kids!"
I woke up the next morning with people shaking me. "The police are all
over the place!" "You should see what we did in the daylight! The tires
you slashed were on a Cadillac!" Not seeing any bright side to this whole
thing, I walked outside, threw my pocket knife into a pond, shoved the
license plate into the ground with my foot.
"How could I have POSSIBLY thought I was going to get away with this?"
"What the HELL was I going to do?"
Like the police wouldn't suspect a sleep over as the cause of all this. I
have no idea what went through my head that night, but I do know that was
the end of all of my vandalization for a while. As well as my life.
We had convinced the birthday boy's parents that we didn't do it, but boy,
did I ever feel low after I heard that the house that we T-P'd majorly was
a mixed marriage. "Great, now I'll be coined as a racist."
So we had escaped, and we went home. I took a shower, praying to God on
my knee's, that He make the punishment nothing. And I went to bed, still
praying. I woke up at about 4:00pm, took another shower, and went down-
stairs. The rest of the day was normal until the phone rang. It was the
kid who went home before we did all the "bad" stuff. He told me that the
mother had just called His house, and that we were definitely, no doubt
about it, implicated into the whole thing. The call waiting beep sounded
while I was talking to him. Said "Hello," and the voice I heard was the
birthday boy's mother, wanting to talk to my mother. "Uhm, Mom! Phone!"
I yelled. She talked to my mom, and I listened in. We had more or less
been ratted out by the Birthday Boy's little sister who had seen us sneak
out.
Wow, I had never seen my parents so absolutely pissed off and sad at the
same time. At the time, what they tried to get across from me didn't
really sink in. But it all hit me eventually. Had this entire escapade
not have happened, I would have definitely gotten into drugs heavier than I
had, I would have never began to weight lift, I would have never had any
dreams about going to VMI or West Point, like my role models did. I would
have never have had the grades I have now. This event, what seemed to be
the worst thing that had ever happened to me at the time, turned out to be
the greatest turning point of my life. I wouldn't trade what happened for
the World. Everything just seems to fall in place now.
But something like this, you would think would make me be an angel. It
sounds like now that I have completely avoided trouble and all risk, not
true. You have to gain the ability to recognize what is worth the risk,
and what is not. You have to balance yourself in the medium's of right
and wrong. And remember, we are all made perfect through failure.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(3) - Internet Censorship Revisited - by Edicius
[See endnotes for more information]
How would you feel if censorship extended as far as your private phone
calls? You would feel offended, wouldn't you? Well, what if instead of
your private phone calls, your private email could earn you jail time?
As long as the Internet is around, the topic of Internet Censorship won't
die. Recently we have seen several examples of this. From Germany's list
of explicit, and thereby illegal, newsgroups, to the United State's
Communications Decency Act, the Internet has suffered a few blows.
However, the biggest restriction may be in Australia.
According to a press release put out by New South Wales (Australia)
State Attorney-General Jeff Shaw QC MLC, the NSW State Government has
proposed some very serious legislation. The bill has many parts "to
protect children and others from intentionally or accidentally accessing
abhorrent and objectionable material." (1)
This bill goes farther then a bill proposed by Western Australia. The
similar bill had an irregularity which allowed the legal transmission of
computer games that contained any material containing violent and sexual
acts.
The bill proposed by NSW goes much further then newsgroups and web sites-
some of the key components of the Communications Decency Act. In a
nutshell, this bill targets:
- material that would be refused classifications;
- material that would be unsuitable for minors of any age, such as
a film classified X or R;
- a publication that would be classified Category 1 or 2 (including
explicit sexual or sexually related material) and;
- material unsuitable for minors under 15 (2)
Material considered unsuitable for children, even if it is not directed
towards children, would be banned from everything- including private email.
Material available in libraries would be illegal if published
electronically. Also, conversations that are legal on the street or on
the telephone, would be illegal in chat rooms or email. (3)
This bill targets Internet Service Providers with jail time and stiff
fines if any of their users violate this bill. ISPs would be legally
liable for everything, which would force many, if not nearly all, to close
down due to the fact that they can't monitor everything their users do.
Exceptions to this are two ISPs in New South Wales, Telstra and Optus, who
have "common-carrier" status and are protected under Federal Law.
According to a press release by the Electronic Frontiers Australia (Inc.),
from Sunday May 19 1996, "existing laws against exploitative pornography,
defamation, and harassment have proved sufficient in dealing with abuses
of Internet services." The EFA also goes on to say, "the Office of Film
and Literature Classification itself has searched the Internet and
reported that 'restricted and refused classification material was
difficult to find.'"
A May 27 rally at Sydney Hyde Park in Sydney, Australia, is planned. This
is to be followed be a march to the parliament House. This is meant to
give Internet users a chance to show their anger in person. Police and
City approval has been given to this event, and it is expected to be very
mild. Although at the current time no information regarding the outcome
of the event is available, Jonas will keep you informed in a later issue.
----------
Of course, all of this action in the land down under is due to our
wondering Senators and Congressmen. Thanks to their brilliant rendition of
"Let's Regulate the Internet", now other countries feel they should do the
same.
Thanks guys, the world means it.
---------
[Endnotes]
(1) - taken from the press release from New South Wales Attorney
General Jeff Shaw, titled "NSW Clamps Down on Pornography on
the Internet."
(2) - press release, Jeff Shaw. See above.
(3) - taken from Electronic Frontiers Australia Press Release
(5/19/96), "Internet Uproar Over NSW Government's Censorship
Plans."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(4) - Snowglobes - by Funkdafied
I sit here and look at this beautiful snowglobe my friend Scott and his
mother gave me for Christmas, and I start to cry, because I realize, that
is the only thing left I have to remember them by.
Last week, my friend's house caught on fire.. My friend Jon went to the
store around 12:30 to get cigarettes (so he told the cops) and came back
and the house was a big flame, with his brother Scott and his mother still
inside. By the time the cops and fireman got there, the mother had passed
away and so had Scott.. Fortunately, they brought Scott back to life and
flew him to Livingston (NJ) burn center, because he was burned 85% percent
of his body. The mothers funeral and wake was this week and it was very
sad, everybody was crying, and I honestly thought I walked into the wrong
room because unfortunately it was an open casket and it didn't look like
her at all. As the week went on Scott got worse, he lost 40% of his
blood, his lungs stopped working and only 1/4 of his lungs worked, both of
his kidneys gave out and he died yesterday morning for 25 minutes, they
brought him back, but by then he was brain dead. There wasn't really much
of a chance of him suriving life too long, and he passed away last night
in his sleep..
No one knows if Jon did set the fire, or if he didn't.. they have him
under investagation, but nothing will come out of it, the only people who
know what really happen, is Scott and his mother..
It's especially sad because a week before this happen, his mother was in a
car accident and her car was totalled, and 3 days before the fire it was
Scott's birthday.
Can you just imagine how *you* would feel if your mother and brother were
killed in a fire that *you* may or may not have started? Can you just
imagine how *you* would feel if you grew up with someone since
kindergarten and was best friends since then and he called your mother mom
and you called his mother mom, and both your friend and his mom died?
That's what my ex boyfriend is going through.
Scott was only 14 years old, that is when life basically begins; when you
start knowing who your friends are, and what kind of music you actually
like, not the kind your parents listen to and you thought was "cool", what
clothes you actually wanted to wear, when you start going out with people.
Scott died never graduating the eighth grade, never knowing what high
school was like, he never had a girlfriend, him and his mother planned a
trip to the Bahamas they are never going to get to go on, he was looking
forward to a summer he is never going to have. Things like that make you
wonder..
Maybe after reading this you should give your mom, or dad or brother or
sister, a big hug and let them know you appreciate them, and look at what
you are doing in your life and how some of you do drugs and not realize
this could kill you and do a lot of other stupid stuff. Just think, some
investigators are saying this was arson and that Jon left a cigarette in
his room somewhere, whether he dropped it on his bed, or in the garbage, a
simple careless thing like that could have caused his whole family their
life. So maybe for those people who like to play with fire (you probably
are thinking, only 12 year olds do that, I know seniors in high school
that like to make bon fires in their backyard), or leave cigarettes around
the room, forget to ash it, dump the ashtray in the garbage or throw a
match when it still could be lit. You think, "that could never happen to
me", one week we are all over Scott and Jon's house watching a movie and
the next week, his house isn't even livable. It could happen to anyone.
Now I have to go to a funeral for a boys life who didn't even really begin
but it's already ended..
And even though most of you don't believe in God, I do. In my snowglobe
Scott and his mom gave me, It's a woman angel looking over a cherub in
Heaven, and I'd like to think of that as Scott and his mom, happy in
Heaven..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(5) - Wacky Mall Excursions: Take One - by Edicius
I was in the mall today, and I went to this fast-food place (Nathan's).
In my hand I had a CD I had just bought, Dead Milkmen, "Chaos Rules (Live
at the Trocadero.)" As I'm up getting my cheese fries and hot dog, the
manager-type said, "Oh, what CD did you get?" I said, "the Dead Milkmen."
He just looked at me blankly.
Now, I wasn't expecting a big fan from this guy, and I could deal with him
not even knowing who they were, but I just found it really funny when he
looked at me and said, "Who? Are they big? Like, have they made MTV
yet?"
My sister, who was standing next to me, laughed in the guys face. At
least I waited until my back was turned to laugh.
----------
Now, I don't want to pass judgement on the guy or anything. Nor am I
trying to pull anything from this story in this article. I'm leaving you
to draw your own conclusion. I just felt like relaying something eventful
from my day to you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(6) - Reviews: Edicius' Opinions on EVERYTHING!
CDs/LPs
Goldfinger/self titled/Mojo Records
"You're probably thinking that we're some type of trendy punk rock band,
jumping on the bandwagon.."
With the recent new wave of So Cal punk ska bands, you may get tired of
them. Well, myself, I like the punk with the ska influenced. This album
is no exception.
The two tracks that you could tell would be the first two singles are
"Here In Your Bedroom" (which has been getting increasing airplay and a
video on MTV) and "Minds Eye." A lot of you are probably familiar with
"Here..", but "Minds Eye" happens to be a really good song. It has been
getting some airplay, but expect to hear it A lot more in due time. Then
again, most of the songs on here are catchy enough to remain in your head
easily enough.
Most of the 16 tracks (14 listed, 2 "hidden") range from pretty good to
really good. There isn't much on here that I would really cut out.
However, there isn't much on here that I would say is excellent.
Some of the highlights of this album, besides the aforementioned "radio
hits", include "Mable", "Answers", and "Stay." On the same note, they
could have cut out "The City With Two Faces" and "My Girlfriend's Shower
Sucks."
-----
Love and Rockets/Sweet F.A./American Recordings
Man oh man, this CD is definitely a great one. If you can get your hands
on a copy, definitely get it. A great mix of guitar, piano, organs, bass,
and "sound effects" produce an amazing album. Between the acoustic
and electric guitars, you also get a somewhat "techno-y" guitar sound. I
guess the best description for this is a part-acoustic, part-techno album.
"Sweet Lover Hangover" is their first single. This is a really great
song. I really don't know how to describe it, but I'll try my best.
(Don't laugh) Take smooth acoustic guitar (a la softer Oasis?) and mix
with easy electric guitar solos, add organs and some wave sounds.
For the most part, this is a very mellow sounding record. It would
definitely get my vote for one of the albums of the year.
It is really hard to pull out the highlights of this album. Mainly
because every one is _GREAT_. This is well worth whatever you pay for it.
----------
'Zines
Weezine - Issue 6/Spring 1996
(14 pages/half sized)
Weezer Fanclub
9311 SE Foster Rd. #666
Portland, OR 97266
This has to be one of the best 'zines I've ever read. It has great
information on Weezer and a fantastic layout. You really can't ask for
much more then this in a 'zine.
The main editors of this 'zine are Mykel and Carli. They both run the
Weezer Fan Club, which is how this 'zine is obtained. To the best of my
knowledge, I don't believe you can get this without joining the fanclub.
Then again, if you want to read this 'zine for it's content (like you
should), wouldn't you be interested in the fan club as well?
ANYWAY.
This issue features an update from Rivers Cuomo (lead singer of Weezer),
in which they print a photocopy of a handwritten letter of his. He tells
us how Harvard life is, how his leg is feeling these days (he had an
operation last winter), and the status of the new album. Very interesting
reading.
The bulk of the issue (6 out of the 14 pages) is a column written by Karl
Koch, who is Weezer's chief helpers (roadie duties, I presume?) He does
A lot of work for Weezer and The Rentals. In this column he answers a lot
of fan's questions about the band, reviews four Weezer bootlegs, and goes
through a very thorough instrument history. If you ever had the inkling
to find out exactly what type of bass Matt Sharp uses, or the type of
drums Pat Wilson uses, you will find that all in here. Very amazing.
The design itself is pretty professional. They did a very good job with
the layout. The fonts are all perfect, nothing is hard to read. Nor are
there any blurry photocopies.
Membership to the Weezer fanclub is $10. Send a SASE to the address
listed above.
-----
Big*Geek (Issue 2) / Inverted Magazine (Issue 3)
(22 Pages/Full Sized)
Big*Geek
PO Box 319
Glenview, IL 60025
Inverted Magazine
75 Grand St. #2e
New York, NY 10013
This is a split issue by two very good 'zines. Let's look at Big*Geek's
half first.
This 'zine is run by Brian Geek (briang@ais.net). It is still somewhat
new, but shows A lot of potential. Let's hope it continues on it's present
track, and it will prove to be a very good read. As it has proven
already.
This issue is really good. A thought-provoking article on short
attention spans, titled "what was i going to title this?" and a two page
diary-type article, both show us the inner workings and thoughts of Brian.
He also gives us a really good essay in "Red Kite". There is also an
interview with The Pist, and a messload of 'zine and record reviews.
This was my first time reading Inverted, and I must say that I'm
impressed. Somewhat more "angsty" then most of my readings, Michelle
Chen's (editor/voxpop@pipeline.com) writing's are very good.
She has an article, titled "A Confession", in which she admits to being a
dork (is that really hard to do? :)). A really interesting short
'personal reflection' called "Shows" and "An Anecdote" are also very great
writings. The thing I didn't really like, mainly because I didn't get it,
was a short comic called "Pin Money" by Mimi Ilano.
There are also some other short essays and stories in this issue. Most of
them are very good.
Overall, both of these magazines are great. Good layout, great content.
Contact these editors and get their 'zines.
----------
Relish e'Zine - Issue 3
email: jlantz@netcom.com
This has to be my favorite e'zine right now. It's such a lovely blend of
personal reflections with short stories and other essays. Man, The Masked
Marauder (editor) rocks.
This issue has a really good rant-spew called "alterna-teen", a funny story
called "Lassie", and A lot of other really good things. Murmur has a great
piece called "Licking Stamps." TMM has other great stuff, Shadow Tao has
an article.. Man, this issue just _RULES_. It is so great. So great.
----------
Slinky e'Zine - Issue 4
email: b3lial@cybercomm.net
This is definitely my second favorite e'zine in the world (see relish
review, above :)). This is also really great. This issue is the best
Slinky issue to date.
With a really funny opening editorial ("Meet Russian Women!"), to great
stories by Belial, "Did You Love Her?", and Cerkit, "What Time Is It?", to
a great essay by Jestapher, "Intellect vs. Introspect." Cerkit also had
very good poetry this issue, especially "Shadows Conversing."
This is a great 'zine. That's all that can be said. Keep looking towards
this 'zine in the future. If all holds well for the Slinky people, we
could be looking at a fierce 'zine.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(7) - News Snippets - Compiled by Edicius
_Teens charged in credit card online scam_
Asbury Park Press, 5/4/96
By Bernhard Warned, Staff Writer
To an unsuspecting computer user on line, the message seemed legitimate
enough: "You're out of time. Please enter your name, credit card account
number and computer password to continue to operate on-line."
Behind the message, however, were two South Brunswick Township [NJ]
teen-agers who retrieved the credit card account information and used it to
mail-order a cache of computer and music equipment, police said.
In the end, the boys obtained $14,235 worth of merchandise -- including a
high-tech notebook computer, a CD-ROM drive, modem and drum cymbals --
thanks to their home computer, police said yesterday.
The two -- 16-year olds from the Dayton and Kendall Park sections --
ultimately defrauded 15 subscribers of America Online, a computer service
with subscribers across the United States, police said.
The boys have been released to the custody of their parents with a date
pending in Family Court in New Brunswick.
Beginning perhaps in early March, the suspects had the merchandise
delivered to five township homes that were either unoccupied or in the
process of being sold.
In an effort to cover their tracks, precise instructions were attached to
the front doors ordering the deliverymen to drop off the items in the
rear of the homes, presumably out of view of any suspicious neighbors.
Their alleged scheme began to unravel on April 8, however, when township
detectives received a phone call from Wisconsin police. Wisconsin
authorities told police that an order for music equipment was to be sent
to a residence in the Kendall Park section of the township. What made it
suspicious was that the item was ordered with a credit card belonging to
a Flushing, N.Y., resident.
In the following weeks, detectives learned of similar billing
arrangements identifying other township homes, police said.
Finally, investigators spoke with a woman from the Franklin Park section
of South Brunswick who gave them a description of two young men who had
knocked on her door looking for a package. She told that boys that she
had it returned.
With the use of United Parcel Service records, more credit card victims
surfaced, creating a paper trail that eventually led to the boys' homes.
A search of the boys' homes revealed additionally merchandise and a
damming bit of evidence: the computer used to perpetrate the crimes -- and
a computer file in it detailing whom they had defrauded, police said.
At the home of one of the culprits, police found a new $4,000 laptop
computer. The boy explained its existence by drafting a letter to his
father, which stated the boy won the computer for his scholarly
achievements, said Detective Ed George.
In the end, the boys had been tied to seven different crimes, police said.
For their alleged roles, they were charged with a 39 counts of theft and
fraud, police said.
Pirate software, the type the boys used to allegedly snatch up credit card
details, is readily available from hackers or via the Internet, police
say.
In this case, the boys used a program called "AOHell," which permitted
them to fish for credit card account information of online users.
"A lot of kids have it," Detective James Kennard said of the program.
"Not all of them use it, however."
Kennard said the program could be used to irk online users by infiltrating
on-line chat sessions or even bumping them off the computer network all
together.
Investigators suspect that as many as 12 students may have conspired to
commit the crimes.
----------
From Time magazine, 5/13/96:
Just Too Much
Is Newt Gingrich a punk-rock fan, particularly of "Theme Song", a tune by
the band Too Much Joy? As the story goes, Gingrich heard the single played
among G.O.P. staff members, then last month allegedly sent fan letters to
the irreverent musicians (once tried and acquitted of obscenity charges),
raving that they "had captured the entire essence of our 1994 campaign in a
single line: 'To create, you must destroy.'" The band's promoters used the
letters to help publicize its new album. Last week Gingrich's's office
claimed the letters were a hoax, despite being on the Speaker's stationery,
complete with signature, gold seal and watermark. Band member Jay
Blumenfield believes the letters are authentic. Still, he says, "it's
becoming more and more sinister."
-----------
Posted to several newsgroups, including alt.zines and
alt.music.modern-rock, by Radical Records (radical@chesea.ios.com).
_INDIE LABEL Inter-"NETS" SOUGHT-AFTER AUSTRALIAN BAND_
New York City-based Radical Records broke new ground this week, quite
possibly becoming the first label to sign a band without ever meeting or
speaking to them.
The deal was set up by Eric Rosen, Director of A&R at Radical, who
discovered Bucket while scanning an Australian web page devoted to unsigned
bands.
Eighty-six e-mails and 7 months later, Bucket signed a four year, four
record deal with Radical Records, a growing indie label, whose use of
modern day technology just sent a clear message to Bucket's many other
worldwide suitors: Hop aboard the information highway now, or lose the
race.
The four piece has already had top picks from past recordings at worldwide
radio stations. They've also been nominated for several music awards back
home in Western Australia.
"I never thought the internet would help us," Bucket's manager Kevin
Russeth wrote in one of his e-mails, "We thought it was something that was
going to steal our freedom, not help us get it!"
There's definitely something special about these guys. Three of the four
bandmembers write the songs, resulting in a variety of sounds ranging from
melodic string arrangements to faster, dirtier rhythms. Their left handed
bass and guitar players not only play their guitars upside-down, they also
use a wealth of bizarre tuning configurations toproduce their own unique
sound.
Their first American full-length, a mixture of previous Aussie releases
"Flounder" and "Muddle" will be released this fall on Radical, backed up by
a nationwide college tour.
Also coming up on Radical this summer is a new release by New Jeresey
punksters BLANKS 77 and "Oi! Skampilation, Vol.2". Phew, it's a wonder all
those Radical guys and gals don't kick the "bucket"! No way, they're too
damn good!
Call 212-475-3672 for more info..
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Jonas e'Zine -- Issue 18
This is line 700
Send all inquiries to edi@cybercomm.net
.. or visit the website at:
http://www.cybercomm.net/~edi/jonas.html
.. or visit the ftp site at:
ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Jonas
"Jonas. It's more then a 'zine, it is a lifestyle."
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Jonas E'Zine, Volume 2, Issue 4 (C) 1996 by Jonas Productions,
all rights reserved. Copyrights to stories, articles, and illustrations
are the property of their creators, unless otherwise noted. The
contents of this publication may not be reproduced in whole or in
part without consent of the copyright owner. Jonas may be freely
distributed as long as this notice remains in place, and
no fee is charged for it's retrieval.
I'm in love with Josephine Baker,
there's a problem, she's 20 years dead.
It's so tragic that I, in the prime of my life,
cannot find someone living to love.
Fossil / "Josephine Baker"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonas E'Zine Volume 2, Issue 4 June 26, 1996
Contents:
(1) - Edicius' Editorial
(2) - How I Got This Way [essay] / by The Masked Marauder
(3) - "Ivan" [story] / by Belial
(4) - Hillary Clinton: Why Bother? [essay] / by Edicius
(5) - Life's Greatest Gift [essay] / by Edicius
(6) - Talking About Our Generation [essay] / by Auren Hoffman
(7) - "Mornings Suck" [story] / by Eightball
(8) - My Future [essay] / [name withheld]
(9) - Reviews
(10) - News Snippets / compiled by Edicius
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(1) - Edicius' Editorial
I do not like to state my opinion on the dealings of any other magazine,
just because I feel it is rude. However, Time Magazine isn't my direct
"competition", so why the hell not.
In the June 17, 1996 issue, they start a new annual issue, "America's 25
Most Influential People." Included in this elite list are Al Gore, Sandra
Day O'Connor, Jerry Seinfield, Louis Farrakhan and -- Courtney Love?
It seems that Time, when picking their 25 people, wanted people from a
variety of professions. They covered politics, business, arts, and other
aspects of entertainment. Maybe they were right when they picked Courtney
Love, the so-called "Punk Provocateur." For "Hole's success helped clear
the way for a wave of rageful women rockers, from Alanis Morissette to
Tracy Bonham to Garbage's Shirley Manson," according to Time.
That's influential? Because she strapped on a guitar, yells for 45
minutes about problems caused by her drug problems and late-husband?
Because of that, other women have followed and she becomes an icon of
capitalistic money makers?
If that's influential, then I'm Oscar the Grouch.
Wait, maybe it is influential. I mean, Alanis Morissette became more
angsty in her third album, "Jagged Little Pill", after being a dance
singer in her first two albums. Is this caused by Hole and Love? Maybe.
Maybe it could be the fact that her first two albums were pretty dismal in
the record sales? I'd be pretty angsty after that. If I were a girl, I'd
become a riot grrrl. Angsty young female with a guitar, watch out!
Anywho, back to my point. It is a sad day when a chain smoking, heroin
addict is influential. (Heroin? I guess there's an abundance of
'influential' people in Philadelphia then.) Love, 31, is currently riding
the spotlight which was passed onto her after her husband, Kurt Cobain,
died. Unfortunately, as long as there are people who still 'like' her
music, we will still have to hear her useless drivel.
May God have mercy on us now!
----------
Hey-ho, whaddya know? Slinky e'Zine went through a "falling out" period
this past month. Now, with no more Slinky e'Zine, the editors of the late
'zine have gone on to seperate projects. Cerkit has gone on to start a
new e'zine, by the name of "Plastic." The other editor, Belial, is
currently working with me on Jonas e'Zine. (We can all see who the wiser
of the two editors was. <g>)
Now, let's hear a few words from Belial himself.
-----
As Edicius said, I am Belial. From the time that I first began to get
involved with the computer, which was around September of '95, Jonas and I
have had a very close relationship. The first two articles that I ever
wrote were given to Jonas -- and they even got in! Since that time, I've
gone on to write two of my own 'zines, Klunk and Slinky, and I've written
for 'zines such as Doomed to Obscurity, Yolk, and Deviate. However, all
through this time, Jonas was never far from my heart. It was the first
'zine that I ever read and it remains to this day, my favorite. I have
always wanted to write for Jonas, and I'm more than happy to finally have
the opportunity to do so now on a regular basis.
-----
Thanks Belial!
But wait, there's more! Some kind words of regard from the other Slinky
editor, Cerkit!
-----
Join me, I mean I'm a good guy. Read on, don't discriminate. Oh well, for
those of you that stayed, good luck, try to keep up. now, I've seen things
start forever. hell I've seen alot of them end. and in that time what I've
found important are new beginings. Jonas seems its at a new begining with
Belial involved now.
Seemingly though it's going to take some work, of course. Unless I'm
mistaken it took Belial and I plenty of work to do our 'zine. Continuing,
I'd like to personally say I believe in Belial's abilities. Keeping with
the topic it's beginings like this that make things good. So, Belial and
Edi, Marc and Tom, good luck, from the bottom of my heart.
-----
That's it. In the end, as always, is the Jonas contact information.
Email us anything you want. Questions, comments, or useless spam. We
like 'dem sex ad spams!
Also, if you run a band, and are interested in having your recent cd or
demo or whatnot reviewed, email me. I'll be doing more full length
articles and interviews on and with bands in the future. I love indie
record labels! You guys are the best!
Enjoy yourselves.
-- Edicius (Tom Sullivan), with help from Belial (Marc Newman).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
(2) - "How I Got This Way" - by The Masked Marauder
I'm not altogether sure what "this way" is, or who I am, yet, but I think
that over the past few years, I have gone through some weird stuff that
made me this way. It's kind of a long explanation so bear with me.
I began high school in Cincinnati, Ohio. The place I was brought up, and
the place I called home. From the first day, I loved it. There was more
responsibility, more freedom, and more fun; and I was experiencing it all.
I finally got 100 percent in with the popular crowd, I didn't do any-
thing bad, something I changed later, and I was making great grades.
before the first quarter was half-way through, I had lots of friends, and
a cheerleader girlfriend.
Then my parents decided to prove how nice they were and in two weeks moved
me to Birmingham, Alabama, where I started school at a small and
conservative catholic school. I hated it. I hated my uniforms, the
people, the teachers, the school, the town, everything. It couldn't get
any worse. I drudged my way through my freshman year and spent most of my
summer in isolation, my only entertainment was mowing my yard.
By some act of god, whom I had given up on at this point, my father got
another job, this one in Dallas, Texas. So we immediately shipped off,
because school started August eleventh. I started school at Shepton High
School, which fed Plano Senior High School. I was extremely nervous and
defensive about the whole thing, and while sitting in the counselor's
office awaiting my "buddy" that would guide me through the school, I kept
reciting the litany from _Dune_. "I must not fear. Fear is the
mindkiller. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I
will permit it to pass over me and through me and when it has past I will
look back on it. Only I will remain."
The first few weeks were pretty much a blur, the people were extremely
nice, but I wasn't accustomed to it. As I began to get used to it, I
decided to play a sport, lacrosse. I had planned to play lacrosse in Ohio
but financial stuff got in the way. So I bought a stick four months
before the season started and began to get familiar with it. The first
day of practice changed my life.
I met Jim Hamilton.
Jim was a "party guy" who played politics and was one of the most popular
people in school. Popularity meant something back then, now it is just a
bunch of bullshit. Anyways, Jim Hamilton was nice to me. Casual
conversation was pretty much the extent of our interaction, until one
practice when he sprained his ankle and had no ride home. Attempting to
establish the groundwork for a friendship, I volunteered, and he accepted.
During the ride home we casually talked about just regular stuff, but I
guess it was a little more than that, because after that, we were more
than just teammates. At school we said hello to each other in the halls
and kept talking. Soon he invited me to go out with him and his friends
and it took off from there.
------
Now, looking back at three years of friendship, it has been a long and
strange trip. Jim and I went through everything together. Love, sex,
drugs, high school, and this year as co-captains of the lacrosse team. We
meant everything to each other and we were always together. I went to my
counselor the second day of school and had two classes changed, lunch and
weightlifting, so that we could be together.
We never had a fight, or even a disagreement. We had many discussions
about matters that extended beyond the things we had in common. We became
brothers, and we couldn't be separated by anything.
Except for destiny.
In two weeks, Jim ships off for the Merchant Marine Academy, a school
where he will learn to navigate and drive navy ships. He will spend seven
months out of the year at sea, and he will be there without me.
I can't help feeling sad that this era of our lives is over. Nothing
punctuated that more than after the graduation ceremony, when we tossed
our hats in the air and the graduating class of 1,259 began celebrating.
The video cameras even caught Jim and I's moment when we walked up to each
other at the front of Moody Coliseum at Southern Methodist University and
hugged.
That one moment was the culmination of it all. But in a way it was
special, because it wasn't our relationship that was over, it was our high
school years. That moment will live on in infamy in both my mind and on
the "Plano Senior High School class of '96 graduation" video, as the last
image on the screen with a big "goodbye" written across it.
But it isn't over. We said that "friends like this don't lose touch" a
thousand times over the course of our friendship, and it still holds true
today. We have made arrangements to stay in touch at all times, he has
his laptop that he will keep with him at sea and his internet account, and
of course I have my computer and account. Email will be our mode of
communication for the next few years and after that, who knows.
But for now, I wish him goodbye. He is the best friend I have in this
world and has had more to do with my growth and development than any other
human being on this planet, and I thank him for that. We had a good run.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(3) - "Ivan" - by Belial
Ivan sat in his room, lost and out of touch with the rest of the kids his
age. He didn't care, though. He didn't need any friends, he didn't care
about going out, he didn't care about anything. He had the Internet and
that was all he needed.
What was there that the Internet couldn't provide for him?
He had found plenty of friends on the Internet. He had even found a girl
who had a lot in common with him.
Why should he be Ivan, the social reject, when he could be Destroyer and
have lots and lots of friends, girls, and, more importantly, any game that
he ever wanted. He was popular on the Internet. Girls wouldn't even go
near him at school, but on the Internet, he met new girls everyday. For
the first time in his life he was popular, for the first time in his life,
he was happy.
So why couldn't his parents understand this?
Constantly, they would mock him. They would yell at him, they would even,
at times, threaten him. "You don't get out enough!", "When was the last
time you've seen the light of day?", "Hermit!", "Why don't you come out of
your cave and be like the rest of the kids your age?", "Don't you have any
friends?", "Get a job and quit wasting your time on the damn computer!",
"You're going to regret sitting in front of the computer all day when you
get older!" It never ended, they always had something to say, but he
silently endured it, because he knew that he had a better life waiting for
him on the computer, where people liked him and where he was happy.
They could never understand what it was he was doing on the computer. All
they thought he was doing was playing games that were wasting his mind or
looking at pornography. No matter what it was, though, it wasn't
important. What was important, though, was that he get a job and go out
and meet some real friends. That's all that ever mattered to them. It
wasn't Ivan that mattered, it was Ivan getting a job that mattered to them
the most.
"You need to get a job so you can have a taste of what the real world is
like and so you can learn to be more responsible."
The real world? What was he living in?
Why couldn't they just leave him alone and let him live his own life as he
wanted to?
No, that would be too much, Ivan thought as he sat looking into the
computer screen, mulling over the same familiar thoughts. They couldn't
let him live his own life, they had to live it for him.
All of the sudden, Ivan heard a knocking at his door, instantly snapping
him back to reality.
"Yes?" he said, getting out of his chair and walking to the door.
"Why is this door locked?" his father asked from the other side, jerking
the handle.
"I don't know." Ivan answered, opening the door, letting his father walk
into the room.
"Jesus Christ," his father began, "it's like a Goddamn cave in here! Open
those blinds and let some light in here. Christ, what are you? Some kind
of hermit? What the Hell are you doing on that computer anyway?"
"I was just talking to one of my friends." Ivan answered, walking over to
the computer, turning off the screen.
"Friends?" his father laughed. "You don't have any friends. Look at you,
you never even leave this room."
"I met them over the computer." Ivan said.
Instantly, his father broke out in a fit of laughing. "Over the Internet?
You?" he laughed, "They must all be dorks like you!"
Saying nothing, Ivan just looked down at the floor. It was always the
same. The man would never get off his back. It always, always, had to be
something.
Seeing his son say nothing, Ivan's father sobered up. "Here's the deal,"
he said in all seriousness. "I'm giving you two weeks to get out of your
room and get a job. If you don't have a job in that time, then the
computer is gone."
"Dad!" Ivan screamed.
"If you don't have a job, then the computer is gone." Ivan's father said
one last time as he walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him.
In a fit of anger, Ivan grabbed an empty glass and threw it against the
door as if he were throwing it at his father himself. "Damn you," he said
over and over again.
It wasn't the fact that he had to get a job that bothered him, it was the
fact that having a job would take away from his time on the Internet. Of
course having money would be great, but what was he going to do with it?
Aside from a few CD's, there wasn't anything that he wanted or needed. It
would just be pointless, Ivan reasoned.
It took Ivan about a week to find a job. Of couse he didn't like it, but
it was either this and nothing, and nothing was unacceptable. He would
not lose his computer. Ivan got a job in a small clothes store at one of
the malls down the street. From the first day, Ivan hated the job. It
didn't pay well (not well enough for his tastes, anyway), and he certainly
didn't get along with the people he worked with. They didn't like him
because he was quiet and didn't talk to them or laugh at their stupid
jokes, and he didn't like them because they were nothing like him and they
made no attempt to even try to get along with him. Not only that, but
his job, from the first instant, got in the way of his use of the computer
and the Internet. He had to go into work right after school and he didn't
get out until late at night. He had no time to himself, and when he did
actually have some time, he spent it sleeping, getting ready to go to work
once again.
"I'm pround of you, boy." his father had said after he got the job.
As the weeks dragged by, Ivan drifted further and further away from the
computer, the Internet, and his friends on it.
Then something strange happened.
One day at work, his manager walked up to him and asked to speak with him
in the back room. Nodding, Ivan followed his boss to the back room and
took a seat where the manager pointed. He didn't think much of it, he
thought that he was even hopeful that he was going to get a raise. He was
doing his job good and he always did what he was told.
"Ivan, do you know why I've brought you back here?" his manager asked,
looking hard at Ivan who said he didn't know.
"Well, I was approached by some of the other employees who claim that you
have been taking merchandise," he began, "I know you're a quiet worker and
that you keep mostly to yourself, so there is nothing that would lead me
to beli-- "
Furious, Ivan cut in, "You're accusing me of theft!"
"I'm not accusing you of anything, I was just relating facts."
"I didn't steal anything!" Ivan protested.
"I would like to take your word for it, Ivan, but more than one person, on
various occasions, have said that they have seen you taking merchandise
from the store. Now, as you know, this isn't a big store, and even losing
the smallest amount of merchandise affects us."
"So what are you saying?" Ivan asked, confused.
"I'm going to let you go, Ivan. Although you have always done what you
were told and you have done a good job and have always been on-time while
you have been with us, I can't afford to lose-- "
"You're firing me!"
"I'm afraid so, Ivan. I'm sorry, but I just can't afford to take any
risks."
Depressed, Ivan took off his apron and handed it to the manager. Then he
left the store and started walking home. When he got home, he expected to
get yelled at by his father, but was suprised, and angry, when his father
only said, "Well, you better get up early and start looking for a new job
tommorrow."
After that, Ivan went upstairs and booted up his computer. The sweet
sound of the fan and the testing of the harddrive soothing his mind. It's
been a long time, and Destroyer was ready to reconquer the Internet.
Only this was a new, changed Internet. Ivan looked for all of his old
friends, but they were nowhere to be found. Nobody knew him, he was just
another forgotten identity.
Alone, Ivan shut off the computer.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(4) - Hillary Clinton: Why Bother? - by Edicius
According to a new book about the 1996 presidential campaign, called "The
Choice," Hillary Rodham Clinton consulted with a spiritual advisor who led
her through conversations with Eleanor Roosevelt. The book, written by
Bob Woodward, an assistant managing editor at the Washington Post, says
that Mrs. Clinton had several consultations with author Jean Houston and
an associate, Mary Catherine Bateson, in which she was able to talk to
Eleanor Roosevelt.
These allegations are nothing new. Mrs. Clinton herself has admitted that
she had "meetings" with Eleanor Roosevelt while she was writing her book,
"It Takes a Village." In her syndicated column on June 4, she wrote, "I
occasionally have imaginary conversations with Mrs. Roosevelt to try to
figure out what she would do in my shoes. She usually responds by telling
me to buck up or at least to grow skin as thick as a rhinoceros."
Senator Al D'amato, a stern opponant of the Clintons stemming from the
Whitewater investigation, was asked by a group of reporters what he
thought of this allegation. His reply, more or less, was "so what?" The
reporters went on to ask him if he would use any of this against her in
the Whitewater trial. He answered with a no.
President Clinton and his wife have not commented on the new book.
My question, why do we care?
Hillary Clinton is a woman just like anyone else. Countless people talk
to a psychic, get their hand read, or go to tarot readings. Anything
related to the psychic field, as in those events already mentioned, can't
be relied on. So people look down on that. Since people look down on it,
they want Mrs. Clinton branded for her meetings.
So answer this. How many of you make a decision based on intuition or
superstition. These are two things that aren't related to the psychic
field, and they can't be relied on. But how come we don't write them off
as a joke, or frivilous? That's because we all base some amount of our
decisions on them.
Many may want to make Mrs. Clinton look like a horrible woman because of
this event, but they won't be able to. Luckily, this event will most
likely blow over soon enough. In my opinion, I really don't care what
they do. If they keep leading the country as good as they have been, they
can do whatever they want.
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(5) - Life's Greatest Gift - by Edicius
Madness is one of life's greatest gifts.
I mean it, really. Did you ever stop and think? If you walk down the
street of any American town, and look out through the morning mist
glancing at the serene traquility, not everyone shares the same view.
Somewhere in that town, there is someone who may look out across the same
serene tranquility and see the last morning of their life.
As we walk about in our daily lives, we will often take for granted the
peace that we feel. We take for granted the liberty and peace that we
have in our lives. We may know who we are, wherever we go, but do we know
who that person standing next to you is?
The person next to us may be our friend, or it could be a vile enemy. The
thing, however, is that we may never know. We'll pass thousands upon
thousands of people in our lives. A very large majority of that, we will
never know for more then a few seconds. If circumstances allow, we may
say a few words to that person. Under more rare circumstances, we may
actually get to know who that person is. At this point, we will learn to
love or hate that person. Under different circumstances, we wouldn't have
known that person.
Take a look into your memory. Out of the very few people that you knew
for a few mere moments, who are the ones that stick out in your mind? Is
it the one who was really courteus to you? Or is it the one who was mean?
More often than not, the persons that you will remember are normally the
ones who were somewhat less than nice to you. We, as a society, have
either become so adjusted to the assholes, grinches, and snobs, that we
place them on a "value" scale. Or, in actuality, we only meet so many
"mean" people, that we forget about the larger majority of nice people we
know.
So, to my original point. If you want to be known, you have to be mean.
Wait, let me rephrase that. If you want to be _remembered_, you have to
be mean. As I already stated, people don't remember the person who held
the door open for them as they were walking into the store, they remember
the one who shut it in their face. That's because the person who shut it
in their face made them pissed off. Still, they're remembered longer then
the person who held it open.
Girls don't want to date the nice boys. Most girls are stupid, and want
to be treated like shit. So, they'll find attractive those guys who are
shit. Sometimes the nice boys are too much for a girl to handle,
especially a girl who doesn't want a commitment. When the time comes for
the breakup, it's easier to break up with a boy who treated them like
shit. If that boy treated them like a goddess, then they will feel bad
about breaking off the relationship. Instead of having the guilt, they'll
take the easy way out, and go for the piece of shit.
They say we all will get what we deserve in the end. Maybe they're right,
maybe the good and the bad will get what they deserve; or they could be
wrong. Being the optimistic one that I am, I believe I will get what I
deserve in the end.. but the end is just too far away.
.. or is it?
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(6) - Talking About Our Generation - by Auren Hoffman
For those of us who grew up on MTV, video games, and microwave dinners,
"Generation X" is far from a complimentary term. The phrase "Baby Boomer"
has a nice ring to it, but "Generation X" suggests that my generation,
those people born in the United States between 1963 and 1983, are lost or
undefined. According to many pundits and modern philosophers, although we
might be the generation that can surf the Internet or program a VCR, we
lack the depth or direction to add value to society. Their "theory"
suggests we are lazy, apathetic, and care little about the world and even
more notable, we are lost.
Needless to say, I have hope and pride in the generation that watches the
"Simpsons" but lives the life of "Friends." I heard another "theory" that
Gen X'ers are no different from boomers 20-30 years ago. Some people say
that all 22 year olds are "lost."
Generation X is different from the boomers of yesteryear -- but not
because we are slackers, screw-ups, or schemers. The boomers tended to
be, in the 1960's and early 70's, ideologues that crusaded for their
causes and made love, not war. Then the boomers sold out their ideology
for BMW's, stock portfolios, and cable TV. The liberal boomers soon
became Reagan Democrats or fiscal Republicans.
But Generation X is different. Though many of us have our government
causes, our campaigns, or strong ideology, the Gen X'er is (and will
always be) more libertarian than the Baby Boomer. We tend to distrust
government control of anything we don't want the government meddling in
our bedroom, our computer, or our income. Though socially liberal, like
the young people throughout history, young X'ers are far more fiscally
conservative than past generations.
Though many Boomers may have lost faith in the federal government, X'ers
never had faith. We know that we are paying social security to support
our parents, Medicaid to support our grandparents, and taxes to support
wasteful projects like ethanol energy and corporate tax loopholes. We
never expect to benefit from large government programs.
Many people think of the political spectrum as one-dimensional either
liberal or conservative. In a one-dimensional analysis, X'ers and Boomers
have roughly the same distribution of liberals and conservatives. However,
a real political spectrum is two dimensional (see graphic [sorry to the
ascii text readers, graphic is on the web page!]). On the graphic, each
person's political ideology is represented by a set of (x, y) coordinates.
The x-axis represents the traditional determination of liberal or
conservative while the y-axis represents a person's tendencies toward
libertarian or authoritarian policies. Here is where an X'er differs from
a Boomer. While Boomers tend to have an even distribution over the
y-axis, X'ers are skewed more toward the Libertarian end. Current
university students are more likely to agree with Milton Friedman than
with Franklin Roosevelt.
Since Generation X is not yet a voting powerhouse, neither major political
party has worked to address our concerns. Both Republicans and Democrats,
with the exception of the Jack Kemp wing of the GOP, tend to support more
authoritarian government policies. Issues like immigration control and
the minimum wage have little appeal to knowledgeable Gen X'ers even though
they are the cornerstone of any Boomer campaign. But as Generation X
makes up a larger part of the electorate, Republican and Democrat
lawmakers will have to move "to the top" and address concerns like social
security, affirmative action, and remake other authoritarian government
programs.
The generation of high-top Velcro sneakers, button-fly jeans, and
Y-necklaces is also the generation of smaller government, accountable
legislators, and rapid response. Though the left and the right of the
political spectrum is clearly defined, both parties must begin to push to
the top to survive.
----------
About the Author
Auren Hoffman is an editor for the Internet Herald and a senior majoring
in Industrial Engineering and Operations Research at UC Berkeley.
Auren is also a partner in Kyber Systems and built Guestimate, the highly
touted guestbook package.
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(7) - "Mornings Suck" - by Eightball
He reluctantly opened his eyes to a loud, irritating sound. His fist
slammed down on plastic, and the unwanted noise abated. He looked at the
object of his vexation and groaned, "oh shit, it's 8am. I'm late for
school." He dressed quickly, and flew down the stairs and out the door in
record time.
Unlocking and opening the door to his car in one fluent motion, he jumped
in the driver's seat. After starting the car, he spent a few moments
selecting a tape. with the entrance of _Pigs on the Wing_, he sped up to
the traffic light at the top of the hill. Inevitably, it was red. He
hated this light. It always took so long to change when he was pressed
for time. He lit up a cigarette to keep occupied. He really hated
mornings.
After a seeming eternity, the light turned green. He made a left, and
picked up speed on the main road. Gazing in the rearview mirror, he saw
flashing blue and red lights. He slammed on the breaks and pulled over.
The police car followed suit. "Damn. I'm late for school and now I'm
gonna get a fucking ticket!" The officer who stepped out of his squad car
was the last cop he wanted to see. It was the same one who stopped him a
month ago.
"Alright, out of the car!" the policeman bellowed. He wasn't exactly in a
position to argue, so he did as he was asked. The officer recognized him,
and after he was given a sound talking-to, the cop smacked him around a
little to "teach him a lesson."
Back in the car, a $120 ticket in hand, he was feeling sore. Painfully
sore. "Okay," he thought to himself, "its only 8 more miles to school. I
want to get there intact." However, no sooner than he had completed that
very thought, he got sideswiped by a Septa bus. "At least I still have
the right side," he said to himself, while attempting to concentrate on
driving without a door.
He decided to stop at a convenience store, since his cigarettes had been
carried off by the wind. He bought some Cheetos and a Snapple, but was
carded for the cigarettes. He shot the clerk a nasty glance and left
without further comment.
Arriving at school at approximately 8:45am, he suffered a nasty shock --
the doors were locked! "Why the hell did they lock the doors?" he asked
no one in particular. Then he remembered. School was out for the summer.
"Well, now I know I had a good time last night," he mused as he hopped
back into his car and sped away. He laughed uproariously and lit up a
huge joint.
"Mornings suck."
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(8) My Future - [name withheld]
I was asked by the author of this essay to publish it anonymously.
----------
It happened a little more than a year ago. My parents had gone away for a
three day weekend, leaving me in care of my brother. The first night was
a Thursday night, and I ended up passing out at 9:30 before I had had too
much to drink -- I just felt really tired. The next night "the fun began"
for me. I could have friends over, and we could basically get as much
beer as we wanted, and go out as late as we wanted, a rarity for
ninth-graders.
My brother got my friends and I a case of Bud, I believe. We started
drinking at about 7pm, and I think we brought the rest of the case over to
another friend's house, who was having a party. I ended up walking home
at about 10pm with another friend of mine, who went home a little while
after.
About that time there were about 20 of my brother's friends over, and I
went out on my front porch with my brother to have a beer. We were both
moderately drunk -- for me, to the point where I've completely opened up
and lost all my insecurities, and my brother to the point where he'll talk
relatively freely, yet still able to "keep his guard" and watch what he's
saying.
We began to talk about school, talk about how he was when he was in high
school. We talked about alcohol, about marijuana, etc.. I told him that
I pretty much hated my high school, and 99% of the kids in my grade,
because they were so obsessed with drinking, and how cool it was, and how
cool they were in general (not to mention how un-cool everybody besides
themselves are, and wondering if those un-cool people know how un-cool
they are). These kids were my friends, and I was tired of it. Going out
on Friday and Saturday nights, getting fucked up, talking to lame girls.
I was growing tired of it, and I hadn't even been doing it very long.
He began to tell me his High-School experience was very similar. He had a
solid group of friends, but they were by no means the "coolest" kids. I
was a little higher on the popularity scale then he had ever been, but
that was irrelevant. We talked on, for about a half hour. He told me to
fuck high-school, wait for college, when you will be redeemed. If you
work hard enough to get into a decent college in high school, you will
WIN, which is what his main message is. These kids in high school, a lot
of them are smart, but even if they're not, they're going out and getting
fucked up, getting high in school, etc.. And what will they have to show
for themselves in five years? The people that fuck the social scene in
high-school end up winning in the long run. You're not missing very much
(although it seems important at the time), and you've got the rest of your
life to look forward to. He was having a great time in college, academic
wise (where he was maintaining about an A- average, much better than he
did in High School), and he was smoking a lot of pot, drinking a lot of
beer, getting a lot of pussy, and doing it with COOL people. This sounded
too good to be true.
Hell, he was even getting good grades.
Next, to make matters even more "complicated," his friend that goes to
Princeton came outside and talked to me also. He had the same message that
my brother had, but his was just as effective. He had worked hard in high
school and was going to Princeton; and now he was "rocking." The decision
seemed simple. Fuck the pathetic high school social scene, and set my
sights on the future. My life changed forever.
My grades in the fourth marking period of ninth-grade went up
dramatically, and since then I have been pulling about a 3.50 GPA; not as
good as I could do, but certainly much better than my 2.80 GPA of last
year (would've been worse if I hadn't done well fourth marking period).
And besides the occasional party I'll go to, or friend's house I'll go to
drink, I have basically "fucked" the high school social scene.
It is for the best. I don't know if every town is like mine, but mine is
dominated by rich, daddy's girls, the *DEFINITION* of the term JAP (Jewish
American Princess). They are all worried about who's talking shit about
who, who just hooked up with who, and who they could hook up with to gain
the most points on the popularity scale. The guys are cooler; but they're
also very cliquish and "you're not cool enough to come and hang out with
us" kind of people. Fuck them.
If you're reading this, I don't know what kind of a message you will take
from it. All I know is, if this event had not happened, I don't know
where I'd be right now. I *DO* know I would not be as happy as I will be
a few years down the line. That's all.
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(9) - Reviews
CD/LP
Neglected Sheep/Geno Died/Livestock Music
Imagine the Crash Test Dummies' lead singer in a blues-rock band. Well,
that's what you have with Neglected Sheep. Hailing from Charlotte, North
Carolina, this band gives us a very impressive debut CD on Livestock
Music. Self-produced, this 10 track, 47 minute CD never once losses it's
energy.
Combining a mixture of Alternative Rock and Pop with a blues edge, this
band is destined for national spotlight. They don't bring a new musical
genre with them, but they bring the intensity and purposeful lyrics that
many up and coming bands lack.
Their latest single, "Annie Brewster", is the crowning point on this
album. With a steady bluesy beat, and great lead vocals, this song is
definitely one of the best on this CD. Adding an organ to the guitar,
bass, and drums, gives it a very interesting sound.
"Why", a seven-plus minute trip through a range of emotions, is another
high spot from this album. Even though it is the longest song, it keeps
the listener moving. Starting out with a slow, melodic rythym, then
moving into a more upbeat tempo with, in my opinion, early-Cracker guitar
riffs here and there.
Overall, this CD is a very impressive debut. With an upcoming tour, they
are destined for national recognition.
Grade: A+
Contact: Abott Promotions at (804)272-7522.
----------
e'Zine
Rice - Issue 2
The RICE Militia is a top secret organization, so there is no email
address even though it is an e'zine.
Send a SASE for more information to:
6666 Pickwick Dr.
Bensalem, PA 19020
Rice & the Rice Militia, the newest creation from Black Francis and Dead
Cheese, ex-Doomed to Obscurity members. Releasing their first issue in
early June, and their second issue on June 26, they are really releasing
fast. Both issues are about the same in quality.
This issue, as per the theme of the 'zine, was humor filled. Black
Francis had a good detective story called, "Frank Esposito, World's Worst
Detective, Does it Again!" Dead Cheese had a great poem called "Little
Johnny," and Styx had a very interesting graphic of his sister. It's too
much for words, really.
Although this 'zine may have small issues, they are of high quality.
Let's hope Black Francis & Dead Cheese stick with this one.
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(10) - News Snippets
I'm not sure exactly what newspaper this appeared in, nor when. I'd
presume it is from a Floridian paper. I received this from someone on
IRC.
_Teen Charged With Hacking FAU Computer_
By CHUCK McGINNES
BOCA RATON- A recently graduated high school senior has been charged with
breaking into the computer system at Florida Atlantic State University's
College of Science and Engineering, destroying a professor's electronic
mail and transferring files to the internet.
Thomas Robert Stromberg, 18, who just graduted from Olympic Heights High
School, was arrested Thursday at his home west of Boca Raton. He was
charged with two felonies- offenses against intellectual property and
offenses against computer users.
Investigators from the Florida Department of Law Enforcement and FAU
seized a computer and related equipment and material from Stromberg's home
at 9596 Lancaster Place.
FDLE agents also seized computers from other homes in the Boca Raton area.
Additional arrests are expected, FAU Detective Carl "Chuck" Aurin said.
The investigation began in February after Elise Angiollilo, FAU's director
of tele-communications, discovered someone had gained access to the
computers in the science and engineering department.
The hackers apparently used the account of a former FAU student to get
into the unversity's computer system. Once they had access, they twice
tried to crash the computer system and wiped out the electronic mail
system of Mahesh Neelakanta, the department's computer system coordinator.
Information and copyrighted software from the computer files were
transferred to the Internet, where the data could be copied by anyone
using the Internet. FAU officials would not say what was in the files.
"The university has very significant information in the computer. The
equipment is used by the state for a specific purpose: education and
research," said Tom Horton, a computer science and engineering professor.
Neelakanta found and FAU computer account that was being used to request
information from an outside computer system. The outside system asked for
personal information and the individual using the account entered
Stromberg's name, according to an arrest report.
Stromberg told the police he used a program to crack password files that
allowed him into several user accounts where he stored pirated software.
This is not the first time hackers have broken into the computer system of
a government agency in Palm Beach County,
In 1992, a 15-year-old Jupiter boy allegedely tinkered his way into a
South Florida Water Management District computer system. Sheryl Woodm a
district attorney, said she could not recall if criminal charges were
filed against the boy, but she remembered seeing a letter of apology from
the youth.
Investigators said most hackers break into computer systems for the
bragging rights. They usually write bulletin boards and share the
information they obtain with other hackers.
Stromberg, who was a member of his school's computer club, went by the
name Dr. Jekyll. He is being held at the county jail on $1,000 bail.
----------
From US News & World Report, 6/24/96:
Eye on the '90s, page 20
_Cyber Island_
This fall, Doug Patterson plans to launch the Rastafarian Internet Boot
Camp, a series of weeklong retreats in secluded Port Antonio, Jamaica.
"People don't want to sit on the beach and get drunk for a week," says
Patterson, a Net trainer for 10 years. "They want to be productive on
their vacations." For $3,500 per week, you can download some sun as you
bask in classes on Web programming or Java scripting. One pitfall:
getting sand out of the keyboards.
----------
From the Asbury Park Press, 6/24/96
Beer-craving cat burglar gets stuck in vent
The Associated Press
SAN ANTONIO -- Felix Rivera's late-night craving for a cold brew bought
him a ticket to the cooler.
Rivera, 33, greased his body with used cooking oil, then tried to slide
through a 2-foot-wide rooftop air vent into Pik Nik, a convenience store
where he's a regular customer, police said.
He tripped the burglar alarm early Friday when his upper body became
wedged in the vent with his legs dangling inside.
It took eight firefighters an hour to free Rivera.
"He walked up to me and said, 'Sorry, man. All I wanted was a beer.',"
store manager Joe Castellano said. "Because of the alarm, he was pretty
deaf after he left."
Rivera was charged with burglary and held on $10,000 bond.
Damage to the store was estimated at $1,000.
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Jonas would like to thank:
Abott Productions, Livestock Records, Jon Vena and WHTG-FM, Auren Hoffman,
Eightball, The Masked Marauder, Seta, Kojak, Mindcrime, Cerkit, Mogel,
Black Francis, Crank, Oodles, Eerie, and a bunch of other people ..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonas e'Zine -- issue 19
Jonas e'Zine is produced somewhat monthly under Jonas Productions.
Tom Sullivan, Editor-in-Chief and Publisher
Marc Newman, Associate Editor
our website: http://www.cybercomm.net/~edi/jonas.html
our ftpsite: ftp://ftp.etext.org/pub/Zines/Jonas/
our email addresses: edi@cybercomm.net (Tom Sullivan/Edicius) &
b3lial@cybercomm.net (Marc Newman/Belial)
we'll have a po box soon, we swear!
"Jonas.. it is more then a 'zine, it is a lifestyle."
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