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134 lines
2.0 KiB
Plaintext
134 lines
2.0 KiB
Plaintext
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:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:
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HOW TO SOLVE E.T. COMES BACK
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BY COPY/CAT OF (/*HI-ReS<>HIJACKERS*\)
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:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:
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INTRODUCTION:
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=============
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E.T. IS THE WORST GRAPHICS ADVENTURE I HAVE EVER SEEN. IT IS:
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1] INCOMPLETE
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2] FULL OF GRAMMATICAL ERRORS
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3] FULL OF SPELLING ERRORS
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4] WRITTEN IN APPLESOFT
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5] WRITTEN BY A HOMOSEXUAL
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6] WITHOUT A "SAVE GAME" FEATURE
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IF THOSE DON'T TURN YOU OFF, CONSIDER THIS : EVERY MOVE YOU MAKE,
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THERE IS A 20% RANDOM CHANCE OF BEING CONFRONTED BY "GERTIE", WHO
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LOOKS LIKE LUCY FROM "PEANUTS". IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY CANDY, OF WHICH
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THERE IS ONLY ONE OF, SHE PULLS THE PLUG ON YOUR COMPUTER. GAME OVER.
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IF YOU STILL WANT TO PLAY THIS ADVENTURE, YOU MUST BE STRANGE. BUT
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DON'T WORRY. I'M STRANGER. I FIXED IT, SOLVED IT, AND WROTE A FILE.
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IN FACT, I CHANGED THE GAME SO THAT YOU CAN KICK GERTIE'S ASS. YOU
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COULD, IF YOU WERE REALLY WEIRD, CHANGE IT SO THAT YOU CAN RAPE HER OR
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SOMETHING, BUT ANYWAYS, THAT'S FOR YOU TO DO. IF YOU WANT MY FIXED
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VERSION, E-MAIL AT SATAN'S HOLLOW 409/744\6477.
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HERE'S HOW TO SOLVE THE OLD VERSION:
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BREAK DOOR
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NORTH
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DOWN
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WEST
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SOUTH TWICE
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GET CANDY
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NORTH
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TALK MICHAEL
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LOOK HOMEWORK
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MONDAY
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GET MICHAEL
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EAST TWICE
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SOUTH
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EAST
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GET MACHINE
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WEST
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NORTH
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EAST
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GET UMBRALLA (UMBRELLA)
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WEST
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OPEN DOOR
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UP
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WEST
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LOOK MOTHER
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GO DESK
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GET KEY
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SOUTH
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WEST
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GET GERANIUM
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EAST TWICE
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DOWN
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NORTH
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EAST
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NORTH
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DROP GERANIUM
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SOUTH
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GET E.T.
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WEST
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NORTH
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WEST TWICE
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UNLOCK GARAGE
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OPEN GARAGE
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GO CAR
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NORTH THREE
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CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE GOTTEN TO THE END OF PART 1! WHERE'S PART
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2? DON'T ASK ME, ASK THOSE ASSHOLES WHO PUT THEIR FUCKING NAMES ON
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THE TITLEPAGE (AND ADDED MASSIVE BLEEDING, WHICH I FIXED). ANYWAYS,
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TRY BLOADING "ET4. PIC" TO SEE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN YOU ACTUALLY
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WIN. FRANKLY, I THINK THE WINNERS ARE THE PIRATES WHO STAYED AWAY
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FROM THIS SHIT ADVENTURE.
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