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105 lines
5.8 KiB
Plaintext
105 lines
5.8 KiB
Plaintext
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_____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________
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| ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ |
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| | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
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| |________________________________________________________________| |
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|____________________________________________________________________|
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...presents... The Jolly One
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by The Usenet Oracle
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>>> a cDc publication.......1991 <<<
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-cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc-
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______________________________________________________________________________
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The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. And in response,
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thus spake the Oracle:
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"You should tell your thirteen year old that Santa Claus is mommy and
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daddy because eventually she is going to find out from the wrong person. If
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that happens she may be upset with you both."
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_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
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Mighty Oracle, with great effort of mind I still find within myself some
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dying glimmer of faith in your power and -- I force myself to believe -- your
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goodness, and your ability to save my daughter, my family -- indeed, all
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humanity, and the very universe which humanity has for eons complacently
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regarded as its own, never knowing, never suspecting that in another dimension
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-- a dimension which is, I now perceive, perilously close to our own -- there
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has awaited since the dawn of time that Being -- yet I cannot utter its name
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without the last vestiges of my sanity being crushed beneath the weight of the
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hideous truth which I alone must bear -- though soon, I dread to think of it --
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soon all will behold the fullness of its horror -- the horror of -- the Jolly
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One -- the One in Red.
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Did you ever ever receive my last question, Oracle? How sweet, how
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innocent the time I wrote it now seems, although even then the horrors I had
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glimpsed oppressed me. It was Christmas then, and my daughter, my darling
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Virginia -- her talk of the strange, of frozen wastes she beheld in dreams, of
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great cities of ice, a universe of cold and crystal, and then her strange
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demand for blue crayons -- the crayons she used to endlessly compose cryptic,
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strangely garbled LISTS -- and then the chanting began -- that nauseous dirge
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-- oh Oracle, how could my daughter, my precious, innocent Virginia, utter
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unceasingly, hour on hour, such a fiendish, godless monody... "SAN-ta, SAN-ta,
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SAN-ta, SAN-ta..."
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And in the morning, what I found -- running from the fireplace to the
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Christmas tree, the ghastly, putrid trail of phosphorescent slime. I told you
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of these things then, Oracle, but no answer came. Yet weeks later I discovered
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my question, and an answer -- a queer, weirdly nonsensical answer -- posted to
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alt.conspiracy -- yet -- I shudder to recall this, Oracle -- the question and
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answer were HIDEOUSLY TRANSPOSED!!!!! What unthinkable disruption of the
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cosmos, what strange mutation of the most fundamental laws of our universe,
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could cause such an aberration...?
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I pray that you receive this question, Oracle, for now the truth is clear
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to me. I know now -- would that I did not! -- that my daughter, my Virginia,
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has been chosen as the medium by which the... the Jolly One shall pass through
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that gate which until now remained so mercifully sealed -- and that with the
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arrival of this... this being... the reign of humanity shall end....
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I turn to you now, Oracle, asking now not for advice, but for the
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salvation of humanity. Yet I fear your answer.... I fear the only way I can
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avert this horror is through the most dreadful sacrifice -- that only by
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murdering, in cold blood, my flesh and blood, my offspring, my darling,
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precious Virginia -- Oracle!!!
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I just heard something, a bump on the roof -- I hear a rhythmic -- beating
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-- HOOF ON HOOF -- I know who comes Oracle! The ones I saw in dreams --
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dreams until now blissfully forgotten -- dreams of those antlered fiends --
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those heinous, grinning UNGULATES -- send them back, Oracle!!!! Return them to
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the stygian depths from whence they came -- back Prancer! Back Cupid!!
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The fireplace! From the fireplace -- a hideous SUCKING --
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(At this point, the datalink was broken, seemingly by a burst of an unknown
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energy that destroyed not only the remote terminal, but the USENET host as
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well.)
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_ _ ____________________________________________________________________
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/((___))\|Demon Roach Undrgrnd.806/794-4362|Grassroots..............new # soon|
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[ x x ] |NIHILISM.............513/767-7892|The People Farm.......916/673-8412|
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\ / |Tequila Willy's GSC..209/526-3194|The Works.............617/861-8976|
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(' ') |Lunatic Labs.........213/655-0691|Ripco.................312/528-5020|
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(U) |====================================================================|
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.ooM |1991 cDc communications by The Usenet Oracle. 01/03/91-#154|
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\_______/|All Rights Pissed Away. |
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