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119 lines
6.9 KiB
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119 lines
6.9 KiB
Plaintext
###############################################################################
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## UG#666! ÄÍðZhit Axis Nation presentsðÍÄ W () W ##
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## Answering Machine Anarchy! \||/ ##
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## || ##
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## Written by: White Lightning _/ \_ ##
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## Dated: 6/20/91 ##
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## Greets to: The GELster, The ASSHOLE who I got the ##
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## nastyvirus from (DIE SUCKA!), Baron, Ninja, Guido, etc! ##
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## ##
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## Ying Yang BBS The Baron's Bistro FuNHouse BBS ##
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## ZAN Promised Land ZAN Mosque#001 ZAN Mosque#002 ##
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## SysOp: CoP SysOp: The Baron SysOp: Erasmus ##
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###############################################################################
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Picture this... it's three in the morning...you can't sleep, you OD'ed on too
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much Jolt, all your friends are either asleep or they're blowing you off, you
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can't go cruising anywhere cuz you don't have a car, there's no food in the
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house, absolutely NOTHING to do, but don't despair . . . You have a TELEPHONE!
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Incredible tool you can do incredible things with... (Shut UP all you perverts,
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I didn't mean THAT!) What more fun than to bother people's ANSWERING MACHINES!!
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This is also the perfect way to harass the living hell out of someone. Whenever
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I want revenge on someone, I haunt them and bug the shit out of them. This is
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great fun if they have an answering machine, especially if it's their own line,
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because then you don't have to worry about getting their parents pissed off.
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The thing that's cool about answering machines - almost all people DO indeed
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sit and listen to their messages - answering machine anarchy is more fun than
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making ordinary crank calls because then nobody will hang up on you!
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Stupid things you can do over an answering machine to annoy someone:
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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1. Pretend you're Satan. This one works beautifully, especially if you're in
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the process of haunting someone... Make them think that they're being
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possessed by demons or something. Talk in a raspy voice and say stuff like
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"I know who you are...and I know what you did last week...and you think
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you got away with it now, but you're going to have to repent...SOONER THAN
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YOU THINK!!!" Or read a paragraph from the Puritan writer Jonathan
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Edward's very scary sermon entitled Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God.
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If you do it at weird hours, to a person who's enclined to get scared
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easily, you can freak the living shit outta 'em.
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2. Salesmen/women are always annoying...
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In a booming voice: "You have just won TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS! I REPEAT,
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you have just one TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS! CongratuLATIONS, you have just won
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TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS! To claim your exciting prize, listen carefully! You
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must call the following number to claim your TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS, now get
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a pen and write this down, 1-900-EAT-SHIT, and ask for Harry, then give
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Harry your name, address, phone number, social security number, driver's
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license, major credit card numbers, height, weight, UPC codes, and before
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you know it, your rubber check for TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS will arrive in
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the mail!"
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3. Keep on talking forever about your problems in life (whine about your
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love life and how your parents hate you or something) and use up all their
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cassette tape space on the answering machine...that really pisses people
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off...
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4. To get people in trouble with their parents:
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"Hi, this is Ed from Erotic Products Unlimited, I'm calling to confirm your
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request for a raspberry flavored dildo, three packages of ribbed,
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lubricated, glow-in-the-dark condoms, and a full set of whips and chains?
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Please get back to us as soon as possible, as our Customer of the Month,
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I'm SURE you have our number handy!"
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(in a slang accent) "Ya know that car we stole last week from the mall
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parking lot? Weell, I gots all the problems taken care of, it's OURS,
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meet me at five and we'll go cruzin' and maybe pick up a few chicks.."
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"This is Mrs. Whoever, your son/daughter's guidance counsellor, and I have
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strong reason to believe that he/she is involved in activities with
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illicit drugs, since his/her attendance has been very spotty this month,
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and he/she is failing nearly all of his/her classes...please get back to
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me as SOON as possible...."
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Lewd phone sex also pisses most parents off...
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<or several varations upon those themes>
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5. Or if you're not into talking much, making grotesque noises usually does
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the trick... try belching, farting, screaming "RAPE!", heavy breathing,
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cat meowing, dog barking, etc...
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6. Yell "FUCK YOU!" or "EAT SHIT!!!!" as loud as you can, it's always
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funny to come home and hear someone bellowing, "EAT SHIT!!!!" at the
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top of their lungs on your answering machine...
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7. Call up and play music that you know the person hates (like opera or
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country western) and take up five minutes of their tape space)...
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8. If you're into hacking... Most answering machines have a remote feature
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to enable messages to be received remotely by a touch-tone phone. The
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cheaper the machine, usually the easier the code to crack - it's almost
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always a one or two digit number. You can tell if it's a cheap one by
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the quality of the recording (if it's all scratchy then it's probably
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a cheap one)...another way to tell is if it picks up right away (cheap
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ones don't usually pick up till the fourth or fifth ring), or if it
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beeps several times before you can leave your message, it's a G.E.
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answering machine - those have a specific three-digit number code
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that's usually relatively easy to get. That's usually all there is to
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remotely listening to someone else's messages, keep trying till you get
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something.
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9. If you have three-way-calling, call someone else at the same time you're
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calling an answering machine, and if you time it right, you'll have the
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very confused person saying "hello? who called me? who are you? what is
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this?" over the answering machine... and you even get to listen in, how
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quaint...
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Welp, that's about it, so next time you're bored, don't just sit around and
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count the little dots on the ceiling...annoy somebody!! Just make sure you
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disguise your voice really well...
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That's the news and I am outta here...
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White Lightning
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