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87 lines
2.8 KiB
Plaintext
87 lines
2.8 KiB
Plaintext
From: gvg@hplvec.LVLD.HP.COM (Greg Goebel)
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SUPPORT IS HELL: The Torture Never Stops
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"Oh, yes, we're working on that right now, sir!" (You're $%#* of of luck,
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buddy!)
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"Support is hell, Jeff. I don't know what to do."
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"Try some M&Ms."
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Chapter 2: The 9 Types of Supporters
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1: THE NEW KID:
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"Do you have a dog? ... My name? I'll have to get back to you on that."
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ADVANTAGE: Can be used as backup often.
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DISADVANTAGE: Is incapable of remembering anything even if told four or
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five times.
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2: EAGER BEAVER:
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"Sure, I can write an emulation program by this afternoon ... one of those
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new boxes? I'd sure like to get my fingers into one. I think I know
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where there's one just down the hall ... "
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ADVANTAGE: Works hard.
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DISADVANTAGE: Makes a lot of work for everyone else.
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3: THE KNOW-IT-ALL:
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"Well, I could tell you how to do that ... but I think I could recommend
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a better approach ... "
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ADVANTAGE: Closes lots of calls.
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DISADVANTAGE: If he doesn't know the answer he makes one up.
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4: THE PSYCHO:
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"READ MY LIPS, YOU BOZO! Are you STUPID or something?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"
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ADVANTAGE: Scares customers away.
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DISADVANTAGE: His hobby is collecting guns and you can't sleep at night.
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5: THE ASPIRING HACKER:
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RING taptaptaptap RING RING taptaptaptap RING RING RING taptaptaptap
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RING RING RING RING "Will someone get the phone?" taptaptaptap
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ADVANTAGE: Answers questions about OS schedulers and internals of
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IO drivers.
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DISADVANTAGE: Works on everything but what he's supposed to do.
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6: THE COUNSELOR:
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"Oh my. Oh dear. Uh huh ... yes ... and then what happened? ... yes,
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I have plenty of time ... oh, no, no problem, that's my job ... "
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ADVANTAGE: Soothes angry customers.
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DISADVANTAGE: Capable of instant jekyll-&-hyde transformation into psycho.
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7: THE INTIMIDATOR:
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"Why did you do THAT?! Haven't you had any TRAINING?! Don't you know
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Section 5.1.2.1.1 of the IEEE spec?!"
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ADVANTAGE: Customers don't return call.
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DISADVANTAGE: May become your boss.
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8: THE VET:
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"Oh! That's there for backward compatibility. They added it in rev
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2.00.03 but they didn't document it."
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ADVANTAGE: Solves the most obscure problems casually.
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DISADVANTAGE: Prone to long, tedious, rambling flashbacks.
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9: THE CRISPY CRITTER:
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"I don't know. I don't care. Your problem, that says it all, I have
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my own to take care of. Why are you using this product, anyway?"
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ADVANTAGE: He's still working.
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DISADVANTAGE: He's yourself three years from now.
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[<>] anon
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