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219 lines
8.9 KiB
Plaintext
219 lines
8.9 KiB
Plaintext
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
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%%%%%%% %%%%%%%
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%%%%%%% Atomic Softdox Presents: %%%%%%%
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%%%%%%% A True Life Ware Story %%%%%%%
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%%%%%%% researched by: %%%%%%%
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%%%%%%% Dr. Atomic %%%%%%%
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%%%%%%% %%%%%%%
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%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
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******* *******
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******* First there was *******
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******* THE LIFE AND TIMES OF A COMPUTER GEEK *******
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******* Now there's *******
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******* THE LIFE AND DEATH OF A MODEM GEEK *******
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******* *******
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******************************************************************************
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Call The Embassy AE/CS/CF at 619/459-6119 10 Megs!
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The names, places, and dates in this document have been changed to protect
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the guilty, only because the guilty is represented by too many people to even
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begin mentioning. Thanx to the Anarchy text file "The Life and Times of a
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Computer Geek" for some of the terms and ideas used in this story. The one
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thing that makes this story different from real-life incidents is the happy
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ending...
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Tuesday,April 1
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---------------
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The Geek is awakened by his Pac-Man talking alarm clock at 6:30. He goes
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downstairs for a light breakfast of 3 donuts and a coke, gathers up his 7
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books, box of diskettes, and 14 pencils, shoves them in his backpack kisses his
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mom and dad goodbye, grabs his lunch box, goes outside, and hops on the school
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bus.
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During school he habitually makes an asshole out of himself and has his life
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threatened by at least 12 people. Between periods he runs for his next class
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and gets there before anyone else. After school he gets on the bus where he
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once again hands out his allowance to save his ass. Up to now it is just
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another routine day in the life of a geek, until he gets home and finds out
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what his Daddy bought for his computer.
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At dinner that night he explains to Mommy that Dad bought this thing called a
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Mo-Dem, and it is up to The Geek to show him how to use it. He is a smart boy,
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he can do it, says dad. He hasn't gotten anything less than an A in any class
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except PE in his entire life. After dinner The Geek gets to work on this
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Mo-Dem thing. It is this funny looking thing that the phone fits right into.
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Dad says there were other kinds that just fit right into a slot in the
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computer,but this looked like a lot more complicated model and cost about $100
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less, too. After about 4 hours of trying to figure out how to hook up the
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thing the kid gives up. Anyway, it's 9:30 and 2 hours past his bedtime.
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April 5
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-------
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It's Saturday so The Geek reluctantly takes a shower. It's only been a week,
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Mom, he pleads, but in the end he gives in and even uses some soap for once.
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By this time Dad goes out and gets someone with an IQ slightly above moron
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level to hook up the modem for them. He even shows them how to run a terminal
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program. Terminal What program? Wonders The Geek. Terminal Cancer? Airplane
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Terminal? He keeps his questions to himself as Dad logs on to a local Bulletin
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Board.
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PMS- Bum Fuck Egypt, CA
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Your First Name? (The Geek types his full name)
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Last Name? (He realizes he already typed in his whole name
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so he types: OOPS)
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You are: The Geek Oops
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Is this correct?No it is not
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After about the 5th try he gets it right and for the next 7 weeks he is
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completely enthralled by all the for sale and want ads on the PMS...
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May 28
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------
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The Geek has (OHMYGod) SOMEHOW got hold of the number for the local pirate
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board and logs on for the first time right after dinner (he does all of his
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homework as soon as he gets home...)
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WELCOME TO:
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PIRATES' ARMPIT
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65 MEGZ ONLINE!!! K-K00L WAREZ!!!!
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This is a semi-private and semi-illegal board so anybody out there who is a
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cop can hang up cuz there is no way I am going to get busted for any illegal
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shit on this BBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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First Name---->>> The
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Last Name----->>> Geek
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You Entered----->>> The Geek Right? YES
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Enter a password:GEEK
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OK D00D your ID# is: 7GEEK
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WRITE IT DOWN!!!!!!!
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(The Geek quickly writes it down before he forgets it)
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NOW ENTERING THE PIRATES ARMPIT!!!HOLD YOUR NOSE!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!
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Well?---<>^^**)}]>?
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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!PIRATES ARMPIT COMMANDS!
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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!A-AE line !
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!B-Boardz !
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!C-Chat !
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!F-Feedback !
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!G-Go Home !
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!M-Mail !
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Well?---<>^^**)}]>?A
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SORRY BUD YOUR ACCESS SUX RIGHT NOW TRY LATER D00D!!! K-K00L!!!!
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Well?---<>^^**)}]>?B
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GENERAL BOARD {WHAT NOW}?
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O}thers S}can P}iss off Q}uit L}eave B}ail R}ead
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GENERAL BOARD {WHAT NOW}?O
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SORRY BUD YOUR ACCESS SUX RIGHT NOW TRY LATER D00D!!! K-K00L!!!!
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GENERAL BOARD {WHAT NOW}?L
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Well?---<>^^**)}]>?C
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PAGING SYSTEM ODOR>>>>>>>>>
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THE MASTER OF THE PIT IS HERE!
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PREPARE YOURSELF!!
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Hello, can I help you?
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NO
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Then why did you page me?
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PAGE?
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Yea
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I DONT KNOW
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Well, I really don't think you
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NO CAN I SEE THE AE LINE WHAT IS IT
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It is something I hang my clothes on...
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ON YOUR PMS?
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This isn't a PMS...
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ON YOUR BULLETIN BOARD SERVICE?
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D00d,it is a warez trading thing for real pirates only..sorry..
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(The Geek's eyes light up...we have the makings of a Computer Leech Geek..)
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CAN I GET SOME NEW GAMESSSS?
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Sorry, your time is up. L8R d00d!!!
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(CLICK)
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Dad:What happened, son?
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Geek:Gee,Dad,I dunno...
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Dad:Well, it's getting kind of late anyhow...
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Geek:But can't I watch Dukes of Hazzard?
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Dad:Well, maybe 15 minutes or so...
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Geek:Hey, thanks, dad!
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May 29
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------
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The Geek calls up the Pirates Armpit again...this time it rings a few times..
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"Pirates Armpit..."
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The Geek shits in his pants and slams the receiver down.
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Dad:What was that all about? (He supervises junior around the computer at all
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times....)
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Geek:Gee, I dunno, Dad...
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May 30
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------
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The Geek dials Pirates Armpit once again, determined to get on the AE line
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and become a "real pirate"...
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ring...ring....
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"Pirates Armpit..."
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(click!)
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June 1
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------
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The Geek SOMEHOW (it always happens, SOMEHOW) gets his pass validated on
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PIRATES ARMPIT and has now has access to the AE line. By the end of the school
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year he has bribed some poor fool to give him a copy of AE pro 3.46...
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June 19
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-------
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School is out so The Geek uses his time (all of it) to sit around in front of
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the computer, leeching wares from every board he can get access to. The days
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pass by...he calls everywhere, of course everywhere within his area code. He
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can't figure out why this phone phreaking thing he has heard about won't work
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on his rotary phone. For now he is happy with calling all of the awes0me local
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bordz...When someone answers voice, he just presses down the old receiver
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button and he is safe.
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September 1
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-----------
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Summer is almost over. The Geek now has 900 disks of software he has
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accummulated during the past 2 months. He decides to call a local board called
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Geek Haven. He takes a look at his status...
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WELL>Y
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YUR STATS:
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CALLER #4958
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CALLS TODAY- 9
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SECURITY LEVEL- 1
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then he goes to E-mail...
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SEND TO: THE WARE MASTER
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HEY WARE MASTER,
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I WANT SOME NEW WARES SO LEAVE MAIL OR BULLETIN
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I HAVE SOME NEW WARES TOO SO I CAN TRADE MAYBE
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IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING GOOD. K-BYE
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THE !!GEEK!! #7!!!
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September 6
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-----------
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The Geek calls Pirates Armpit...
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"Pirates Armpit..."
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(no answer)
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(The Geek almost gets his courage up enough to actually say something..but..)
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"You Fucking Geek!!! You're a leech and you suck and you know it!!!"
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(click)
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That night The Geek sits in his room, deeply upset. He has called the Armpit
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once every 10 minutes and there is always a REAL PERSON answering the phone.
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He can't bring his geekish self to actually talk to this person. This person
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is...is...he's alive, for God's sake, not just a computer program and disk
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drives like he is so used to. He resolves that there is only one thing to
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do... Late that night, while his parents are asleep, he finds a rubber band
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and strangles himself to death...
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September 10
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------------
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News of The Geek's death reaches the System Odor of Pirates' Armpit. He
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sighs, One less computer geek leech...too bad more of them haven't gone the
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same route...
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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