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51 lines
2.7 KiB
Plaintext
51 lines
2.7 KiB
Plaintext
The Lesser-known Programming Languages #10: SIMPLE
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SIMPLE is an acronym for Sheer Idiot's Monopurpose Programming Language
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Environment. This language, developed at the Hanover College for
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Technological Misfits, was designed to make it impossible to write code
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with errors in it. The statements are, therefore, confined to BEGIN,
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END and STOP. No matter how you arrange the statements, you can't make
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a syntax error. Programs written in SIMPLE do nothing useful. Thus
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they achieve the results of programs written in other languages without
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the tedious, frustrating process of testing and debugging.
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The Lesser-known Programming Languages #12: LITHP
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This otherwise unremarkable language is distinguished by the absence of
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an "S" in its character set; users must substitute "TH". LITHP is said
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to be useful in protheththing lithtth.
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The Lesser-known Programming Languages #13: SLOBOL
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SLOBOL is best known for the speed, or lack of it, of its compiler.
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Although many compilers allow you to take a coffee break while they
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compile, SLOBOL compilers allow you to travel to Bolivia to pick the
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coffee. Forty-three programmers are known to have died of boredom
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sitting at their terminals while waiting for a SLOBOL program to
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compile. Weary SLOBOL programmers often turn to a related (but
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infinitely faster) language, COCAINE.
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The Lesser-known Programming Languages #17: SARTRE
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Named after the late existential philosopher, SARTRE is an extremely
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unstructured language. Statements in SARTRE have no purpose; they just
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are. Thus SARTRE programs are left to define their own functions.
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SARTRE programmers tend to be boring and depressed, and are no fun at
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parties.
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The Lesser-known Programming Languages #18: C-
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This language was named for the grade received by its creator when he
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submitted it as a class project in a graduate programming class. C- is
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best described as a "low-level" programming language. In fact, the
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language generally requires more C- statements than machine-code
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statements to execute a given task. In this respect, it is very
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similar to COBOL.
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The Lesser-known Programming Languages #18: FIFTH
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FIFTH is a precision mathematical language in which the data types
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refer to quantity. The data types range from CC, OUNCE, SHOT, and
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JIGGER to FIFTH (hence the name of the language), LITER, MAGNUM and
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BLOTTO. Commands refer to ingredients such as CHABLIS, CHARDONNAY,
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CABERNET, GIN, VERMOUTH, VODKA, SCOTCH, and WHATEVERSAROUND.
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The many versions of the FIFTH language reflect the sophistication and
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financial status of its users. Commands in the ELITE dialect include
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VSOP and LAFITE, while commands in the GUTTER dialect include HOOTCH
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and RIPPLE. The latter is a favorite of frustrated FORTH programmers
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who end up using this language.
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