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102 lines
3.5 KiB
Plaintext
102 lines
3.5 KiB
Plaintext
A LITTLE DING IN THE DOOR
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I loaned one of my cars to a friend a couple of weeks ago. I received a phone
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call one evening during the term of this loan...
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<Ring! ring!>
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Hello?
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Hi! Hey, look, I just wanted to let you know I got a little ding in the front
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fender yesterday. I'll pay for it, no problem. I was pulling out of a parking
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space and kinda scraped the next car. Not too bad, though.
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Thanks for telling me. I appreciate it.
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<....later....>
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I go to pick up the car. I see this huge crater in the front fender -- no, I
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see this remnant of a front fender attached to my car. I get in. What used to
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be clean is a pit, a stinky dungeon.
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I swallow hard. I try to put myself in my friend's shoes....
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<Several moments of wavering harp music>
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...Snort, ruffle, grunt! Oink, oink. Crash. Waddle, waddle. Oh, it's just
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a little bitty dent, no problem. Snort, oink, ruffle, grunt....
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<Several moments of wavering harp music>
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No, my friend cannot have lapsed into temporary insanitary, nor could this
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person be a were-pig. Besides, the moon wasn't full while my car was on loan.
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How could someone call that smashed-up fender a 'little ding'?
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<Light bulb snaps brightly on>
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Of course! It's MY car, not my friend's! It's never as bad if it happens to
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someone else's property.
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<Light bulb clicks off>
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I go to three body shops and get three estimates. Fi' hunned. Fo' hunned.
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Fo'fi'ty. Which should I hand to my friend as the true amount of damage?
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Should I get it fixed and render that bill, even if it's less than the highest
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estimate? Should I collect the highest estimate and take the car to the lowest
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one?
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<Little devil appears on right shoulder>
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Go ahead! Make it work to your advantage. Your friend will never know.
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Besides, that was supposed to be a 'little ding,' not a quarter-total! Chalk up
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what you clear on the deal as compensation for mental anguish!
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<Little angel appears on left shoulder>
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Do what's right! Get the car fixed and give your friend that bill. Take $50
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off because -- remember? -- you already had a little ding on that fender.
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<Angel and devil flutter in air, verbally battling>
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Oh, I'll take the middle ground. I'll accept the middle estimate and that'll
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balance the ding I already had in the fender. Now, how do I do this? Should I
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get it fixed and then get the money from my friend, or should I collect the
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money first and then get the car fixed?
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<Poof! Financial wizard appears>
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Don't use your own money. Collect it from your friend. Do it now!
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<Poof! Common sense wizard appears>
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If you collect the money first, you'll spend it and never get the car fixed.
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You know yourself well enough by now, don't you? Take that car in to the shop
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right now!
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<Poof! Poof!>
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<Dial, dial>
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<Ring! ring!>
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Hello?
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Hey lookit, I got estimates on the car. The low one is four bills and the
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high one is five. How are you going to pay me for the damage?
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Oh, er, well, I was going to buy a fender and put it on myself. It just has
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fifteen bolts. Piece of cake. I'll get it done for about $150.
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I don't know about that. Let me think about it. I don't want mismatched
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paint.
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Hey! Don't you trust me? C'mon! I don't have a lot of money, you know.
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<Click. Buzzz....>
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<....later....>
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It's trade-in time. All the car dealers laugh when they see my baby blue car
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with the lime green fender.
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