mirror-textfiles.com/messages/TBFILES/blondjok.txt

I have edited some of these, but all of the following came from Fidonet.
Why is a blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
 It swells up overnight!!

Why don't blondes wear hoop earrings?
 Their high heels keep getting stuck in them.

Why don't blondes make Kool-Aid?
 They can't fit eight cups of water in the package.

Why don't blondes get coffee breaks?
 It takes too long to retrain them.

Why don't blondes eat pickles?
 Because they get their head stuck in the jar.

Why does it take so long for a blonde baby to be born?
 He's looking for a flashlight.

Why does it say TGIF on a blonde's shoes?
 Toes Go In First.

Why does a blonde wear pantyhose?
 To keep her ankles warm.

Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
 So they won't hurt themselves when they go, "I dunno, I dunno."

So how do you kill a blonde?
 Put spikes in her shoulder pads.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
 That's where you clean vegetables.

Why do blondes trim their skirts with fur?
 To keep their necks warm.

Why do blondes smile when they see lightning?
 They think their picture is being taken.

Why do blondes like to hang their heads out of cars going over 50 MPH and 
 leave their mouths open?
 To recharge!

Why did the foreman at the M & M factory have to fire the blonde?
 She was eating all the W & W's.

Why did the blonde sit in a tree?
 So she could call herself a branch manager.

Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
 Because she read that one child out of every four born was Chinese.

Why did the blonde put make-up on her forehead?
 She wanted everyone to know that she was able to make up her mind.

Why did the blonde lose her job as an elevator operator?
 She couldn't learn the route.

Why was the blonde snorting Nutri-Sweet?
 She thought it was diet Coke.

Why is a convict, before sentencing, like an inexperienced blonde?
 They both know it will be hard, but they don't know for how long.

Why did the blonde hippie take two hits of LSD?
 He wanted to go on a round trip.

Why did the blonde drive around the block fifty-seven times?
 Her turn signal stuck.

Why did the blonde climb over the chainlink fence?
 To see what was on the other side.

Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light bulbs?
 She needed them for the darkroom she was building.

Why are the Japanese so smart?
 No blondes.

When a blonde called up and asked her pharmacist what to do about her 
 boyfriend's dandruff, he recommended Head & Shoulders.  A week later she 
 dropped by the drug store and asked, "Say, how do you give someone 
 shoulders?"                                                             

Then she decided her boyfriend needed some deodorant. "Certainly, said the 
 pharmacist. "How about the ball type?"  "Oh, no," she replied, "it's for 
 under his arms."

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
 Introduce herself.

What's the difference between a dead brunette lying in the road and a dead 
 blonde lying in the road?
 There's no skid marks in front of the blonde.

What's the difference between a blonde and a prostitute?
 Prostitutes don't drive Ferraris.

What's the difference between a blond and a 747?
 Not everyone's been on a 747.

What's the definition of a metallurgist?
 A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is virgin metal or common ore.

What's six inches long, has a bald head on it, and drives blondes wild?
 A hundred-dollar bill.

What's a blonde's mating call?
 "I'm sooooo drunk."

What's another blonde mating call?
 "Next."

What was the blonde surgeon's claim to fame?
 She performed the world's first successful hemorrhoid transplant.

What is the difference between an intelligent blonde and Bigfoot?
 Bigfoot's been sighted.

What is the biggest advantage to marrying a blonde?
 You get to park in the Handicapped Zone.
 
What have you gotten when you line up ten blondes ear to ear?
 A wind tunnel.

What happened when the blonde got locked in the car?
 Her blond boyfriend had to use a clothes hanger to get her out.

What does a blonde think 7-11 is?
 An emergency number.

What does a blonde say after you blow in her ear?
 "Thanks for the refill."

What does a blonde from Malibu wear to a funeral?
 Her black tennis dress.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a blonde?
 A three-quarter ton pick-up.

What do you call twenty blondes in a circle?
 A dope ring.

What do you call three blondes in a Volkswagen?
 Far from thinking.

What do you call a skeleton in your closet?
 A blonde that won last years hide-and-seek contest!

What do you call a group of blondes in the freezer?
 Frosted Flakes.

What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
 An interpreter.

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
 Gifted.

What do you call a blonde who's dyed her hair brown?
 Artificial Intelligence.

What do you call a blonde on the university campus?
 A visitor!

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
 They're both empty from the neck up.

What did the blonde write home from her vacation?
 "Hi. Having a great time. Where am I?"

What did the blonde say when the doctor told her she was pregnant?
 "Are you sure it's mine?"

What did the blonde say as the sod truck passed her?
 When I'm rich, I'm gonna have my lawn sent out to be mowed too. 

What did the blonde do when she learned that ninety percent of all driving 
 accidents occur within ten miles of the home?
 She moved.

What did the Blond do when she wanted a personalized licence plate?
 She changed her name to "ZRF-542".

What does a smart blond have in common with UFO's??
You always hear about them, but never see one.
 
What do you call 25 blondes in a basement??
A whine cellar.
 
How do you put a twinkle in a blonds eyes!
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

What does a blond put behind her ears to attract men??
Her ankles.
 
Why did the blond take 17 of her friends to the movies??
She saw the sign "Under 18 not admitted."
 
How do you get a one armed blond out of a tree??
Wave to her.