mirror-textfiles.com/messages/TBFILES/busitech.jok

========
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Technology & Business "Jokes"
From: abacard@crl.com (Andre Bacard)
Date: 23 Oct 1995 08:01:45 -0700

Hello CyberFolks,
 
Attached are a few "jokes" (pearls of wisdom) about technology &
business. Remember them when you condemn a new idea as "impossible."
My
thanks to Professor David Farber <farber@central.cis.upenn.edu> for
this
list. I can't testify to the verity of these quotes.
 
See you in the future,
Andre Bacard
======================================================================
abacard@well.com                    Bacard wrote "The Computer Privacy
Stanford, California                Handbook" [Intro by Mitchell
Kapor].
http://www.well.com/user/abacard    Published by Peachpit Press, (800)
Enjoy your privacy...               283-9444, ISBN # 1-56609-171-3.
=======================================================================
 
                            --- cut here ---
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
      --Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of
science,
      1949
 
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
      --Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
 
"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked
with
the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad
that
won't last out the year."
      --The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
 
"But what ... is it good for?"
      --Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM,
1968, 
      commenting on the microchip.
 
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
      --Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital
Equipment
      Corp., 1977
 
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
      -- Bill Gates, 1981
 
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered
as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to
us."
      --Western Union internal memo, 1876.
 
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value.  Who would
pay  for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
      --David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for
      investment in  the radio in the 1920s.
 
"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn
better 
 than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible."
      --A Yale University management professor in response to Fred
Smith's
      paper  proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith
went
      on to found Federal Express Corp.)
 
"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
      --H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.
 
 "I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not
Gary  Cooper."
      --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in
"Gone
      With  The Wind."
 
"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports
say 
America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you
make."
      --Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields'
Cookies.
 
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
      --Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
 
"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."
      --Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
 
"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The 
literature was full of examples that said you can't do this."
      --Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives
for
      3-M "Post-It" Notepads.
 
"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing,
even 
built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us?
Or we' ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our  salary,
we'll
come work  for you.'  And they said, 'No.' So then we went to
Hewlett-Packard, and they  said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You  haven't
got through college yet.'"
      --Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get
Atari
      and H-P  interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal
computer.
 
"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and
reaction 
and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to
react.   He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high
schools."
      --1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's
revolutionary
      rocket work.
 
"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all
of  your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just

have to  accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable
condition of weight  training."
      --Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable" problem
by 
      inventing Nautilus.
 
"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil?
You're  crazy."
      --Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to
      drill for  oil in 1859.
 
"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
      --Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.
 
"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
      --Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole
Superieure
      de Guerre.
 
"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
      --Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
 
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction".
      --Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the
intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon".
      --Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed
      Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.