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174 lines
6.7 KiB
Plaintext
174 lines
6.7 KiB
Plaintext
The Official X-Files Menu
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XXXXXxX xxxXXXXXX
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,.__ xXX xXX
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{_-\_, X XX
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___, | . . { X xX
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/ __/`\ ( (_ ) xx xX
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/ /. . | \\_// T H E (x) F I L E S
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|( ] )__-\_/-__ xX xx
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|| - | \`/ |\ Xx Xx
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/_\___/|_ |x|___| | XX XX
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/ |-| | |X| | xXX XX
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| V | `x/ xXXXXXXXXx XXXXxXx TM
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On behalf of our restaurant manager, Chris Carter, I'd like to welcome all
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X-philes, young and old alike, to the new Official, Unoffical X-Files
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Restaurant! I see you saw our ad in the paper and found us. We told you
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our location was out there...but a lot easier to find than those other
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restaurants, I'm sure.
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Oh, pardon, I've been so rude! My name is Pinar. I'll be your maitre d'
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for the evening. Oh, by the way, please tip our waitors generously. They
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need their medication, you know. And now onto the specifics for tonight!
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First of all, I'm sure you've noticed the litter everywhere. It's to make
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sure you get the atmosphere of Agent Mulder's office just right! Now if
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you at your table you will notice that there are no candles. True, they
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are available if you find the need for some pseudo-witchcraft, but we don't
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use candles most of the time here. Nope, we prefer those cool flashlights!
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They ward away those nasty things that go bump in the night (*and* those
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that go bump in the day, for that matter) and are great ways to get the
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waitor's attention. Just wave it around in the air. Everyone's lured into
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their cool beams of light. While you wave your arm and wait for the
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waitor, you can stare at our walls. You will probably see all the numerous
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photos of aliens, UFO's and even the infamous "I WANT TO BELIEVE" poster!
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Isn't that something? While further waiting for the waitor, with the hand
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that's free, you can make little crumpled up balls of paper and throw them
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into the complimentary waste baskets with basketball hoops we so dearly
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provide you with. If the waitor still doesn't show up, don't worry. One
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of two things happened. He died (not too uncommon for this place).
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Another thing could be that he got upset that a customer asked for the
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smoking section to the restaurant. We've had that happen before with this
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waitor...real dork with scary hair. I was glad to fire that rat.
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Remember, "Trust no one," especially the service! Anywho, on to the menu!
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[I pass out a menu to you] Enjoy and we hope you live to see the next day!
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__________________________________________________________________________
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M E N U M E N U
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M E N U M E N U
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M E N U M E N U
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M E N U
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M E N U M E N U
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M E N U M E N U
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M E N U M E N U
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*B R E A K F A S T:*
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Cereal that reveals Magic Meal Worms when milk is added............$1.00
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Nothing [what they normally eat on the show].......................$1.00
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*S A L A D S:*
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House Salad [lettuce, tomato, Excelsis Dei mushrooms, foxglove leaves]
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...........................................................$2.50
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with crickets and radioactive green bugs as croutons.......$3.00
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*S O U P S:*
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Sewer Surprise.....................................................$6.00
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Biley Bouillon Bash................................................$6.00
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*A P P E T I Z E R S:*
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Sunflowers seeds...................................................$1.50
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Blood Bread........................................................$1.60
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Manicured fingers..................................................$2.00
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with rings.........................depends on the price of rings
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*D R I N K S:*
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iced tea...........................................................$1.00
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rootbeer...........................................................$1.00
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sewer water........................................................$1.00
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L'eau de toilette (toilet water)...................................$10.50
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[Hey, what'd you expect? It's in French!]
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blood..............................................................$1.00
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beer...............................................................$1.00
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with bile..................................................$1.50
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Pepsi..............................................................$1.00
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with a touch of foxglove...................................$2.00
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*L U N C H:*
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the kill of the day [whatever the chef encounters in the kitchen].......
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..........................................................$12.00
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nothing...........................................................$12.00
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*D I N N N E R:*
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Steaks:
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steak that squirts blood................................$11.50
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steak injected with Purity Control......................$11.50
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Steamed Liver and Onions [human liver]..........................$10.50
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A Human Drumstick [fresh from Jersey]...........................$12.00
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Happy Mealworms..................................................$9.50
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Human Flambe [our master chef, Cecil L'Ively, performs this baby live
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for you!]...............................................$15.00
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Sushi [it's live fluke, very fresh from the toilets everyday]...$13.50
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Boa Surprise [roasted over a candle-has a surprise inside!].....$15.00
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*Special of the Day*
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*A Cadaver Course!*
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2 whole corpses to eat!: a piglet that can be dissected [it
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even comes to life and squeals fo you!], and a human
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corpse autopsied by none other than Scully herself!
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................................................$20.00
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with giblets............................$25.00
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*F O R T H E V E G I T A R I A N S:*
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Our Mushroom Meal Deal [Excelsius Dei mushrooms sprinkled with a touch
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of bile and parasitic fungal spores]....................$12.50
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*D E S S E R T:*
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Scully's Killer Fruitcake........................................$4.50
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Frozen Chocolate Covered E. B. E. on a Stick.....................$5.00
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Pickles and Ice Cream [together at last].........................$4.00
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_________________________________________________________________________
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