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3436
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0090.txt
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3436
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0090.txt
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187
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0091.txt
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187
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0091.txt
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|
||||
h0gz 0f duh enthropee prezentz...
|
||||
|
||||
atdt18003887478
|
||||
|
||||
yew have konnektid tew h0e.org@#!
|
||||
|
||||
login: mogel
|
||||
password:
|
||||
|
||||
login incorrect.
|
||||
|
||||
login: mogel
|
||||
password:
|
||||
|
||||
login incorrect.
|
||||
|
||||
login: mogel
|
||||
password:
|
||||
|
||||
login incorrect
|
||||
|
||||
login: mogel
|
||||
password:
|
||||
|
||||
login incorrect.
|
||||
|
||||
login: mogel
|
||||
password:
|
||||
|
||||
login incorrect.
|
||||
|
||||
login: mogel
|
||||
password:
|
||||
|
||||
login incorrect
|
||||
|
||||
login: mogel
|
||||
password:
|
||||
|
||||
login incorrect.
|
||||
|
||||
login: mogel
|
||||
password:
|
||||
|
||||
login incorrect.
|
||||
|
||||
login: mogel
|
||||
password:
|
||||
|
||||
login incorrect
|
||||
|
||||
login: pip2
|
||||
password:
|
||||
|
||||
welkum to h0e.org!
|
||||
|
||||
asdf fsda adfs asdfdfas asdf asdfasdf sdfasdf
|
||||
asdf fdas asdf asdf dfs asdf afds fdas asdf asdf
|
||||
asdfsdfaasd asdf dfsd fdsasdff asdf fdsa ffsdfasd sdfa fasd
|
||||
sdfa fsda asdf fdsd dfs fasd fsda fsda asdf asdf sdaf
|
||||
asdf sadf asdf sdfsdfaf fd asdf fdda dfsa sdfaasdf
|
||||
|
||||
yew hayve 2 pieces o' mail waitin
|
||||
|
||||
~$ ls
|
||||
donkeysex.gif m0gels.mother.gif pip.yew.laymer
|
||||
|
||||
~$ cat pip.yew.laymer
|
||||
|
||||
hey pip, you are one stupid fuck, you know that? i know you're the one who's
|
||||
been trying to haxor my account on here... just give up man... don't even
|
||||
bother with it. hell, i hacked your account on tlorah in five minutes... not
|
||||
that hard when your password is incest... you stupid fuck.
|
||||
|
||||
-m0g (d2o, cDc)
|
||||
|
||||
~$ rm pip.yew.laymer
|
||||
~$ telnet tlorah.gov
|
||||
|
||||
trying 666.666.666.1
|
||||
connected to 666.666.666.1
|
||||
|
||||
login: rattle
|
||||
password:
|
||||
|
||||
login incorrect.
|
||||
|
||||
login: shit
|
||||
password:
|
||||
|
||||
login incorrect.
|
||||
|
||||
login: pip2
|
||||
password:
|
||||
|
||||
welcome to tlorah.
|
||||
|
||||
tlorah runing HackUnix v2.3.3.2.3.4.5.3.1
|
||||
|
||||
You have no mail waiting.
|
||||
|
||||
% ls
|
||||
|
||||
pip.yew.laymer
|
||||
|
||||
% cat pip.yew.laymer
|
||||
|
||||
muhahahhahahahahahhaha...
|
||||
|
||||
-m0ggie p00
|
||||
|
||||
% rm pip.yew.laymer
|
||||
% rz to.mogel.the.stupid.fuck
|
||||
type sz to your terminal to send...
|
||||
*B0000000
|
||||
% cat to.mogel.the.stupid.fuck
|
||||
|
||||
sure, my knowlege in unix is farely limited, even though i'm thought to be
|
||||
some sort of genius out here in california... but just back off man... i'm
|
||||
not touching your account
|
||||
|
||||
%
|
||||
Message from Talk-Daemon@tlorah.gov received.
|
||||
Talk request from root@tlorah.gov
|
||||
Respond with talk root@tlorah.gov
|
||||
|
||||
% talk root
|
||||
|
||||
[connected]
|
||||
hi, what's up?
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
don't give me that what's up crap... just get teh fuck off of my system,
|
||||
consider yourself and your account locked out of tlorah for good.
|
||||
|
||||
bye bye...
|
||||
|
||||
(connection with remote host lost)
|
||||
|
||||
~$ telnet alfheim.net
|
||||
|
||||
trying 1.1
|
||||
connected to 1.1
|
||||
|
||||
welcome to Alfheim Forest... please login.
|
||||
|
||||
login: ilsundal
|
||||
password:
|
||||
|
||||
login incorrect.
|
||||
|
||||
login: pip2
|
||||
password:
|
||||
|
||||
ElfUnix v1.2.3.4
|
||||
|
||||
thank you for being more than jolly enough to use my system.
|
||||
|
||||
sorry, my jolly friend, you have no mail waiting.
|
||||
|
||||
# who
|
||||
|
||||
# at least it's as bad as my system...
|
||||
Bash - Command at least it's as bad as my system... not found.
|
||||
|
||||
# telnet taco-land.com
|
||||
trying 123.456.789
|
||||
123.456.789 is not an internet host.
|
||||
|
||||
# great, another board down^H^H^H^H
|
||||
Bash - Command great, another board down not found.
|
||||
|
||||
#bye
|
||||
|
||||
~$ adventure
|
||||
|
||||
You're standing in a forest.
|
||||
Paths lead to the west and north.
|
||||
You're feeling hungry.
|
||||
>
|
||||
41
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0092.txt
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41
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0092.txt
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@@ -0,0 +1,41 @@
|
||||
|
||||
__ __ _________
|
||||
| | | | | | "oink you."
|
||||
| | | | | ______|
|
||||
| |_____| | | |
|
||||
| ,~~~~~, | OGS | |___
|
||||
| | | | _/\_ | |
|
||||
| | | | _/ \_ F | ___|
|
||||
| | | | _/ /\ \_ | |
|
||||
| | | | <_ < > _> | |______
|
||||
| | | | \_ \/ _/ | | NTROPY
|
||||
|__| |__| \_ _/ |_________|
|
||||
\/ PUBLICATIONS
|
||||
|
||||
*** HoE #92 - "DIE MIKE!" - By: Metal Chick ***
|
||||
|
||||
=--------------------------------------------------------------------------=
|
||||
|
||||
i hate writing, i will not write for you. it's all a conspiracy.
|
||||
i hate you.. you all die die die
|
||||
i am going to write about how i hate writing.
|
||||
all you dumb people.. DIE MOEGL DIE!! I HATE YOUR FLUFFY SLIPPERS!
|
||||
|
||||
i love drawing(on paper)
|
||||
i hate writing
|
||||
i love drawing(on paper)
|
||||
i hate writing
|
||||
|
||||
look i hate you stinky people..
|
||||
all of you.
|
||||
|
||||
DIE DIE DIE!!!
|
||||
|
||||
=-----=
|
||||
|
||||
(c)opyrighted. all rights go to metalchick.
|
||||
metalchick is the new official president of HoE.
|
||||
metalchick is a trademark of HoE Publications Inc.
|
||||
All rights reserved.
|
||||
|
||||
=--------------------------------------------------------------------------=
|
||||
251
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0093.txt
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251
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0093.txt
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@@ -0,0 +1,251 @@
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
s
|
||||
.
|
||||
s : s
|
||||
OINK! OINK! &
|
||||
MOO! MOO! " "" """$""" " ""
|
||||
$$$ .s$$$$$s. $$$$s. $ s
|
||||
\ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $
|
||||
_____ $$$ """ $$$ $$$ :
|
||||
</ x x \> "" " $$$$$$$s. $$$ $$$$P' "" " "" "
|
||||
| @ | $$$ $$$ $$$ . s
|
||||
/\__^__/\ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$
|
||||
$$$ $$$ $$$P' $$$$P' b3
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
HOGS OF ENTROPY PRESENTS...
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
>>> My nipples are erect for you! <<<
|
||||
|
||||
by - Hardcore
|
||||
(09/16/96)
|
||||
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
||||
|
||||
Editor's Note: Although Hardcore pretended to have written this
|
||||
article in an e-mail to metalchic, who ended up publishing it, it came to
|
||||
my attention later in time that this is actually a rather infamous
|
||||
forwarded e-mail. Someone even mentioned that it was printed in a rather
|
||||
famous publication, like Playboy or something. Regardless, we here at HOE
|
||||
would like to apologize to the original author for having printed this
|
||||
without permission.
|
||||
|
||||
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
For anyone that has spent just a few too many hours in #hotsex on IRC...
|
||||
|
||||
Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as
|
||||
"cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared
|
||||
through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll
|
||||
see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript
|
||||
of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex.
|
||||
Then again, maybe he does...
|
||||
|
||||
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high
|
||||
heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements
|
||||
are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on
|
||||
a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also
|
||||
wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from
|
||||
dinner...it smells funny.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: OK
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the
|
||||
stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into
|
||||
your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and
|
||||
begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk
|
||||
slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and
|
||||
rubbing.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a
|
||||
hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft
|
||||
breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck.
|
||||
Do you have any scissors?
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back
|
||||
undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my
|
||||
breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting
|
||||
the clasp.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby, I just want to feel your
|
||||
tongue all over me.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
|
||||
breasts. They're neat!
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm
|
||||
nibbling your ear.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and
|
||||
phlegm.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: What?
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of
|
||||
my blouse.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with
|
||||
a plop.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your
|
||||
hard tool.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over,
|
||||
in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: Can I help?
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling
|
||||
through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet.
|
||||
And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost.
|
||||
Where's the bedroom?
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I found it.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so
|
||||
badly.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: Me too.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked
|
||||
bodies pressing each other.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the
|
||||
glasses on the night table.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room
|
||||
and toward the bathroom.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for
|
||||
the toilet. I lift the lid.tinue?
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle,
|
||||
but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper.
|
||||
Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my
|
||||
way.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in
|
||||
your...you know...woman's thing.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss
|
||||
your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand
|
||||
it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: What?
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look
|
||||
on my face.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all
|
||||
floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my
|
||||
underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table.
|
||||
I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,
|
||||
picture frames and your candles.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of
|
||||
our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing
|
||||
at it, a shocked look on my face.
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
|
||||
|
||||
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
|
||||
|
||||
Sweetheart: <logged off>
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
this is a footer.
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
222
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0094.txt
Normal file
222
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0094.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,222 @@
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
MOO OINK!
|
||||
OINK!
|
||||
OINK!
|
||||
# ###
|
||||
# # #
|
||||
MOO # ### # # # ####
|
||||
## # # # # # #
|
||||
# # # # # #####
|
||||
# # # # # MOO
|
||||
# # ### ####
|
||||
OINK!
|
||||
|
||||
MOO OINK!
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
"collected suicide letters" - by metalchic
|
||||
|
||||
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
||||
|
||||
hey, it's mogel here. when you're a modem kid you find your fair
|
||||
share of crazy & depressed obsessives. it comes with the territory.
|
||||
|
||||
here's just some examples that our queen supreme, metalchick, has
|
||||
found on her adventures in the information superduper highway!!!
|
||||
|
||||
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
|
||||
|
||||
suicide letter #1
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
I don't know if I can take this anymore, It was fine when it was only
|
||||
the harddrives, but now the floppy's are attacking me too. They bite at
|
||||
my ankles and whisper, "craig you suck" all the time, I just can't
|
||||
handle it. Let everyone know I hated them..
|
||||
|
||||
-----
|
||||
|
||||
suicide letter #2
|
||||
|
||||
I've decided upon my fate, I have grown tired of all the people
|
||||
making fun of me and mocking my hair and my ways of living, so I've
|
||||
decided to end it all. I thought I'd adress this to you because
|
||||
well, you asked me to.. so.. by the time you'll read this I'll be
|
||||
gone. You may think this is rahd, you may not, it just doesnt matter
|
||||
anymore... so.. goodbye.
|
||||
|
||||
love,
|
||||
chris.
|
||||
|
||||
-----
|
||||
|
||||
suicide letter #3
|
||||
|
||||
Dear world, You all can kiss my ass. There has come a time in my
|
||||
life when everything seems to fade away. Face it.. you all suck.
|
||||
Understand my problems. The world should have peace, the people should
|
||||
love everyone, but the only thing thats happpening is war. Peace, love,
|
||||
and apathy never holds true anymore. Everyone has to kill or be killed,
|
||||
which is very dissapointing. So, to boycot this method, I will kill
|
||||
myself and no one will stop me. To the people that love me, farewell, to all.
|
||||
I love you anyway. Goodbye for now.
|
||||
the person that wrote
|
||||
this
|
||||
|
||||
p.s.- make love not war
|
||||
|
||||
This neither because itll make you depressed at all the teddy bears that
|
||||
are gonna perish in flames.
|
||||
|
||||
-----
|
||||
|
||||
suicide something #4
|
||||
|
||||
Long Lives The Dayz Of Hellish Outpour...
|
||||
My Life Has been Sucked Up By The Devil Of Jesus...
|
||||
Jesus Is The Devil, He Is My Saint...
|
||||
God Is No Longer With Me, For Jesus Has Snapped.
|
||||
In Hell, Lays My Mind... In Hell Is Where I Belong
|
||||
I see No Point To Live SuPhc A Hellish Life...
|
||||
Life Is Not Worth A Single Breath...
|
||||
All You Get Is Crap In This Hellish World...
|
||||
So I Am Dead, And Am God Damn Happy Of It To.
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
-----
|
||||
|
||||
suicide poem #5
|
||||
|
||||
I smell the foul stench of death.
|
||||
I taste it's bitterness in my mouth.
|
||||
It's silence pierces my eardrums.
|
||||
I feel it entering my body,
|
||||
Slowly taking my life away.
|
||||
It has been here for some time. I know.
|
||||
Take me now?
|
||||
Take me before I suffer more.
|
||||
Is that your intention, oh hateful sinner?
|
||||
Has it not been long enough, painful enough?
|
||||
I have given in to you,
|
||||
But still you will not hear my call.
|
||||
A thousand words rung out,
|
||||
You have heard not a one
|
||||
Destroy this fathomless entity
|
||||
Tearing away at all who stand before it so bravely,
|
||||
And even those who coward from it's greatness....
|
||||
What greatness is this that takes the life of a human?
|
||||
Thousands of tears lost,
|
||||
Years of lifelessness passed.
|
||||
Another thousand tears, and loves along with them.
|
||||
What is left?
|
||||
Hate. Hate and death comfort me....
|
||||
Their coldness touching my skin,
|
||||
Yet I feel a certain warmth and appeal.
|
||||
Touch me, oh graceful death...
|
||||
Take me now.
|
||||
Oh hate, immerse me in your beauty.
|
||||
Make me as you are.
|
||||
Blackened, and charred.
|
||||
Loveless, lifeless
|
||||
|
||||
-stormborn
|
||||
|
||||
=---------------------------------------------------------------------------=
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
this is just a little conversation i had with rush2.
|
||||
|
||||
you all may know him. He is a really one nutty character.
|
||||
|
||||
-----
|
||||
|
||||
rush2^_!rush2@*compucon-mi.co" i've got it planned and will be dead this
|
||||
weekend.
|
||||
|
||||
-> rush2^_!@" what are you going to do?
|
||||
|
||||
rush2^_!rush2@*compucon-mi.co" im gonna kill myself. Plain and simple,
|
||||
and I shoudln't be making any friends anyways.
|
||||
|
||||
-> rush2^_!@" how?
|
||||
|
||||
"rush2^_!rush2@*compucon-mi.co" Oh. Fine. I'm just gonna get in my car and
|
||||
drive to a spot I used to play at as a kid. No one else goes there
|
||||
it's too far out, a couple miles into this stream/valley place then ...
|
||||
I'm gonna shoot myself.
|
||||
|
||||
[suicide plot in affect]
|
||||
------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
[here is some things he has to say about #zines people]
|
||||
|
||||
-> rush2^_!@" well why do you hate crank, i mean has she done mean
|
||||
things to you but she really isn't that bad of a person.
|
||||
|
||||
"rush2^_!rush2@*compucon-mi.co" she was the first computer person to
|
||||
change so dramatically then turn on me.
|
||||
|
||||
"rush2^_!rush2@*compucon-mi.co" she told everyone what i had told
|
||||
her of how look, told everyone I was gay (Then said bi.. which I am)
|
||||
when at that time i was still scared of my feelings. Also gave everyone
|
||||
out my phone number and address.
|
||||
|
||||
"rush2^_!rush2@*compucon-mi.co" It's nothing worse than waking up on a
|
||||
cold cement floor in a pool of your own blood.
|
||||
|
||||
"rush2^_!rush2@*compucon-mi.co" She was just so mean ... so diffrent so
|
||||
taunting. So ... sigh i cant describe it but she jsut atacked me and
|
||||
she knows me well so she knows how to hurt me.
|
||||
|
||||
"rush2^_!rush2@*compucon-mi.co" well i'm completely insane. Since i
|
||||
got onto computer about 4 years ago my mind has gone. I'm no smart like i
|
||||
was. I cant think. I can't do anything except feel a desire to die.
|
||||
|
||||
"rush2^_!rush2@*compucon-mi.co" crank turned from a nice person to
|
||||
a #zines scene person :( as did mogel who i always cared for a lot and had a
|
||||
huge crush on.
|
||||
|
||||
-> rush2^_!@" Yeah, mogel is a nice guy.
|
||||
|
||||
"rush2^_!rush2@*compucon-mi.co" yeah mogel is nice. But he used to be
|
||||
nicer. #zines has taken a lot out of him. Not to menton the lame philly
|
||||
zine assholes like 'black francis' and the other losers.
|
||||
|
||||
-> rush2^_!@" Oh yeah, what did he do to you?
|
||||
|
||||
"rush2^_!rush2@*compucon-mi.co" oh. bF is a jerk. He used to harrass
|
||||
me and make fun of me being bi and stuff.
|
||||
|
||||
"rush2^_!rush2@*compucon-mi.co" and he made fun of my weight, and
|
||||
sigh, he just hurt me like the rest of them. I wanted to be friends and
|
||||
accepted with these people, but all they did was wanna make fun and hurt.
|
||||
|
||||
-----
|
||||
|
||||
"silicon insanity"
|
||||
|
||||
I sit here
|
||||
in this little hotel
|
||||
this quaint inn
|
||||
oh lonely entrapment of people
|
||||
in the lonely state
|
||||
of the lonely country
|
||||
on this empty earth.
|
||||
i sit here
|
||||
my eyes throbbing with white hot needles in their backs
|
||||
my wrists throbbing with hydraulic vices closing in tight
|
||||
sending my messages
|
||||
accrossed aa million miles
|
||||
looking for a master
|
||||
anything to be held
|
||||
something to make sense of
|
||||
the clicking
|
||||
and that electromechanical humm
|
||||
of that silicon box on this desk
|
||||
this is the sound of my insanity.
|
||||
|
||||
-rush2
|
||||
|
||||
=---------------------------------------------------------------------------=
|
||||
(c) HoE publications & metalchick. HoE #94 - 10/31/96 - Halloween! Boo!#
|
||||
317
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0095.txt
Normal file
317
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0095.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,317 @@
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
OINK! OINK OINK BABY!
|
||||
OINK!
|
||||
|
||||
# ###
|
||||
MOO! # # #
|
||||
# ### # # # ####
|
||||
## # # # # # #
|
||||
# # # # # #####
|
||||
# # # # # 95 MOO!
|
||||
# # ### ####
|
||||
|
||||
Hogs Of Entropy
|
||||
|
||||
OINK!
|
||||
|---------|
|
||||
| | <- if you look close enough you can see the
|
||||
| | invisible hog, he is inside hiding.
|
||||
|---------|
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Hey people this is Metalchic, writing another wacky issue of Hoe, but
|
||||
this time I actually WROTE (I felt SASSY! hee hee) something for it.. wow
|
||||
metalchic write.. hmm I don't think that is possible. Well it is.. and
|
||||
here is it!
|
||||
|
||||
3Y3z D0N'7 b33 N33D1n D4T M0G3L N0 M0R3!
|
||||
|
||||
This is about something i was thinking about before i went to sleep last
|
||||
night. It's about how dumb most girls are, when you read it you will know
|
||||
what I am talking about. HAVE FUN.. READ AWAY!
|
||||
|
||||
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
||||
Girls are Dumb.
|
||||
Written by metalchic .-----------------.
|
||||
| GIRLS ARE DUMB! |
|
||||
|_________________|
|
||||
\ O
|
||||
oo > - I'm dumb tEE! hEE!
|
||||
\)
|
||||
/ \
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
I've been going out with Sara for a short time. I really don't know how
|
||||
long, she usually keep up with that stuff. She is the kind of girl that
|
||||
keeps up with all the new trends and listens to the same music as everyone
|
||||
else. She was 16 years old, and I was 18. She acted like such a child, I
|
||||
really hated her, I just used her for all the good head she gave me, she
|
||||
was always to scared to have sex. She would tell me how much she loved
|
||||
me, I would look at her and quickly change the subject, she didn't have a
|
||||
clue what love was, she didn't know much about anything. I didn't love
|
||||
her, I couldn't stand her, everything about her was so annoying. When
|
||||
she would call I would try not to be home but, I was here today and I
|
||||
picked up the phone. I didn't want to talk to her but, i had to.
|
||||
I got up from my bed and quickly picked up the phone.
|
||||
|
||||
"hello."
|
||||
|
||||
and in her annoying squeaky voice that I hated so much, she
|
||||
spoke.
|
||||
|
||||
"HI IT'S ME WERE YOU SLEEPING?"
|
||||
|
||||
"No, what do you wan't?"
|
||||
|
||||
"WANT TO GO OUT."
|
||||
|
||||
"okay i'll pick you up."
|
||||
|
||||
"OKAY BYE I LOVE YOU!!"
|
||||
|
||||
"i'll be right over."
|
||||
|
||||
"bye."
|
||||
|
||||
*click*
|
||||
|
||||
I know it was mean to hang up on her like that but I really didn't care
|
||||
she wasn't anything special to me, she was just another girl. I know when
|
||||
I got the her house the first thing she would say to me was, "HI, WHY DID
|
||||
YOU HANG UP ON ME LIKE THAT? YOU KNOW THAT MAKES ME SO UPSET."
|
||||
and then I would come up with some cheezy excuss so I wouldn't have to
|
||||
hear it from her.
|
||||
|
||||
So got up from my bed, picked up a pair of pants from the floor, got a
|
||||
shirt from the closet, put my coat on and went outside. I got into my
|
||||
1979 Chevy Impla, it was blue and the paint was chipped of of it, I
|
||||
always hated this car but I couldn't afford anything better.
|
||||
Then shut the door and turned the key. I put a tape in the car and
|
||||
started singing so I didn't have to think about going to her house. When
|
||||
I got there she ran out of the house and came up to the car before I could
|
||||
even open my car door, She always did that, she was always excited when I
|
||||
came over. She was to happy all the time. We were totally oppisit and
|
||||
had nothing in common so I never had anything to say to her, if I asked
|
||||
her about some new band or something she would be like, "WHO IS THAT?"
|
||||
She looked at me and said, "WHY DID YOU HANG UP ON ME LIKE THAT?"
|
||||
Then I turned to her and said, "My mom was calling me, i had to go." She
|
||||
belived everything I said, as if she looked up to me or something. "OK
|
||||
COOL, YOUR MOM IS SO NICE." I looked confused, "My mom nice, heh." I
|
||||
smirked. "I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU." I knew she was going to ask me to
|
||||
do something, she is so predictable. "STACEY IS HERE CAN YOU DRIVE HER
|
||||
HOME PLEASE." "Okay."
|
||||
|
||||
So I sat in the car and waited for her thinking what a bad idea this was
|
||||
going to be, her friends are more annoying then she is, I don't know why I
|
||||
am still going out with her, maby I should break it all off today, maby I
|
||||
should just tell her how I feel. She came out with Stacey, and they were
|
||||
whispering to eachother and giggling. Stacey was so much cuter than Sara,
|
||||
Sara knew that too, and she would ask me constantly if she was, and I
|
||||
would always lie to her and tell her that she was hot, and Stacey was
|
||||
nothing. She would just smile, kiss me, and then tell me she loved me,
|
||||
and that I was the greatest thing that ever happened to her.
|
||||
|
||||
So the both of them hopped in the car Sara in the front, Stacey in the
|
||||
back. I started the car up. Sara was just sitting there trying to
|
||||
talk to me and Stacey was sitting in the back staring at me in the
|
||||
mirrior as if I didn't even notice. We got to Stacey's house and we
|
||||
dropped her home. Then they did that annoying thing, "BYE S!!,"
|
||||
"Bye S." She tried making conversation again and said, "WHERE DO YOU WANT
|
||||
TO GO?" trying not to hear her, I didn't say anything. "OKAY LETS GO TO
|
||||
THE DINER." "Okay."
|
||||
|
||||
We got to the diner and we got out of the car, I thought I would be nice
|
||||
and open her door, boy was I wrong. "OH THAT WAS SO NICE OF YOU *kiss*
|
||||
THESE ARE THE LITTLE THINGS THAT BRING US TOGETHER YA KNOW. I MEAN FOR A
|
||||
SECOND I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T LIKE ME ANYMORE BUT THEN YOU DID THAT... YOU
|
||||
ARE JUST SO NICE, I LOVE YOU." We walked into the door and the waiter
|
||||
approched us, "Two?" We both nodded. He seated us and gave us both
|
||||
menus.
|
||||
|
||||
her: I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY, CAN YOU BUY ME SOMETHING?
|
||||
me: Sure, get whatever you want. (she always expected me to pay for her,
|
||||
but I had just as much money as she did.)
|
||||
her: DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS HUN?
|
||||
me: Friday?
|
||||
her: NO, HOW COULD YOU FORGET WHAT DAY IT IS?!@
|
||||
me: okay Sara, what's today?
|
||||
her: WE HAVE BEEN GOING OUT FOR 2 LONG MONTHS, AND I KNOW WE HAD SOME
|
||||
PROBLEMS THROUGHOUT THE RELATIONSHIP BUT IT IS OUR TWO MONTH
|
||||
ANNIVERSARY.
|
||||
me: (as if this was a REAL relationship, and I really cared) I shruged
|
||||
and said, oh thats nice.
|
||||
her: DO YOU EVEN CARE??? THIS IS SPECIAL TO ME, AND YOU DON'T EVEN CARE DO
|
||||
YOU?
|
||||
me: I care, i'm just not in a good mood, my dog died yesterday.
|
||||
her: FERMALDIHIDE!! YOUR DOG, I AM SO SORRY.
|
||||
me: yeah, I am heartbroken, really. (sarcastic smirk)
|
||||
her: I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE YOU SAD, SORRY.
|
||||
me: It's okay.
|
||||
|
||||
the waiter comes up, "would you like anything to drink?"
|
||||
|
||||
her: I WOULD LIKE A STRABERRY MILKSHAKE WITH A LITTLE SWIRL OF WHIPPED
|
||||
CREME ON THE TOP, AND IF IT IS POSSIBLE CAN YOU PUT A CHERRY ON TOP?
|
||||
wtr: And you sir?
|
||||
me: Just a coke will be fine.
|
||||
|
||||
The waiter walked away with a confused look on his face.
|
||||
|
||||
her: I GOT YOU SOMETHING.
|
||||
me: What?
|
||||
her: A PRESENT FOR THIS SPECIAL DAY.
|
||||
me: okay, cool. Sorry I didn't get you anything, I uhh.. uhm have to
|
||||
save up for a new paint job on my car.
|
||||
her: THAT'S OKAY AS LONG AS OUR LOVE LASTS FOREVER! YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET
|
||||
ME ANYTHING.
|
||||
me: (I suddenly got a sick feeling in my stomach, her forever.) Hold on I
|
||||
have to go to the bathroom.
|
||||
her: OKAY IT WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU AT THE TABLE.
|
||||
|
||||
I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I don't know why I did, she only
|
||||
said one thing. After this I knew I had to do it, I had to break up with
|
||||
her, I didn't like this feeling at all. I washed my mouth out with water
|
||||
lit up a cigarette and went back to the table.
|
||||
|
||||
her: YOU SHOULD STOP SMOKING.
|
||||
me: No, I enjoy smoking. It keeps me going.
|
||||
her: COULD YOU PLEASE NOT BLOW IT IN MY EYES?
|
||||
me: Sure. (I moved my cigarette to the other side of the table)
|
||||
|
||||
The waiter walked up and brought out drinks.
|
||||
|
||||
wtr: Are you ready to order?
|
||||
her: YES, I WOULD LIKE I STEAK DINNER AND A SIDE ORDER OF FRIES.
|
||||
me: I would just like fries, thank you.
|
||||
wtr: okay, i'll be back.
|
||||
me: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT, THAT IS GOING TO COST LIKE $20, I DON'T HAVE
|
||||
THAT KIND OF MONEY!
|
||||
her: PLEASE DON'T YELL AT ME, I HATE WHEN YOU YELL AT ME, JUST OPEN YOUR
|
||||
PRESENT.
|
||||
me: Fine. (I opened the card, it was a love card, and she wrote on the
|
||||
inside "You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, I
|
||||
want you to be happy, I love you so much you don't know how much I
|
||||
love you. I may not show it sometimes, but really deep in my heart I
|
||||
love you, with heart and soul. Love Sara." That was just sick, I
|
||||
had a disgusted look on my face. I took a drag of my cigarette)
|
||||
her: WHAT?
|
||||
me: Nothing I got smoke cought in my throat.
|
||||
her: OH OKAY, I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT, OPEN THE GIFT!
|
||||
me: okay. (she had this happy look in her face like she was doing
|
||||
something good. So I unraveled the teddy bear paper to find a Bush
|
||||
cd, I hated Bush, I hated her music, I hated all of it.) Thanks.
|
||||
her: DO YOU LIKE IT?
|
||||
me: uhm yeah, thanks.
|
||||
her: I love you.
|
||||
|
||||
The waiter came back up to the table, "here is you're food."
|
||||
He placed the food on the table and we began to eat.
|
||||
|
||||
her: THIS IS SO GOOD!
|
||||
me: yep.
|
||||
|
||||
We ate for awhile, about 10 minuites passed and I finished my food, she
|
||||
was still eating her steak dinner. I really didn't want to buy it for
|
||||
her, but i did.
|
||||
|
||||
her: YOU KNOW I REALLY LOVE YOU.
|
||||
me: Oh.
|
||||
her: WHY DON'T YOU EVER SAY IT BACK?
|
||||
me: (I had to tell her, I couldn't live with this anymore, I couldn't
|
||||
take her annoying self. So I said it.) Sara, I don't love you.
|
||||
|
||||
She dropped her fork and looked at me like she was about to cry.
|
||||
|
||||
her: YOU WHAT?
|
||||
me: I don't love you, I never loved you, I never even liked you. (I felt
|
||||
bad, she stared cring)
|
||||
her: I CAN'T *sniff* BELIVE THIS, WHY? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU. I DI...
|
||||
I OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIV.. BE... I CAN'T BELIVE YOU!! *sniff*
|
||||
me: I'm sorry.
|
||||
her: WHY? WHY? WHAT DID I EVER DO?
|
||||
me: (she was crying in her food.) Stop cring, I will tell you the whole
|
||||
truth, just stop we are in the middle of a resturant.
|
||||
me: (I called for the waiter) CAN WE GET A CHECK HERE PLEASE?
|
||||
|
||||
He came and brought the check, I paid and we quickly left.
|
||||
|
||||
me: Why do you have to make such a big scene?
|
||||
her: I LOVED Y.. YO.. YOU.
|
||||
me: you don't know what love is, you know nothing, you are 16 years old,
|
||||
you are annoying I can't stand you, you tend to piss me off all the
|
||||
time, and I can't take it anymore. I don't like your music, I don't
|
||||
like the clothes you wear, I don't like anything about you.
|
||||
her: JUST DRIVE ME HOME NOW, I CAN'T HEAR THIS ANYMORE, IT IS UPSETTING ME
|
||||
TO MUCH! *cry*
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
So I drove her home, I didn't know what to say. We got to her house and
|
||||
no one was home, she was in tears. "I'm sorry Sara." She looked at me
|
||||
with tears in her eyes, "YOU ARN'T SORRY, YOU ARE A PIECE OF SHIT I HATE
|
||||
YOU, DON'T EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN. I HATE YOU SO MUCH, HOW COULD YOU DO
|
||||
THIS TO ME?" I just looked at her, I didn't know what to say, i was not
|
||||
good at this. "Sara." "WHAT." "You can have your cd back, I know you
|
||||
want it more than I do. She grabbed it from me opened the car door and
|
||||
ran inside.
|
||||
|
||||
I didn't know, I felt so bad, I just couldn't deal with it anymore. She
|
||||
just pissed me off all the time, i hated it. I got home, got out of my
|
||||
car and walked inside. My mother came in and immidatly yelled at me.
|
||||
|
||||
"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, YOU KNOW YOU ARE SUCH
|
||||
A LITTLE SHIT."
|
||||
|
||||
I just looked at her, I was so confused, I just walked in what did I do?
|
||||
|
||||
"What the hell did I do"
|
||||
|
||||
"YOU ARE SO MEAN TO ALL THE GIRLS YOU GO OUT WITH, AFTER YOU AND LISA
|
||||
BROKE UP YOU HAVE BEEN SO MEAN TO GIRLS, HOW DID IT FEEL WHEN LISA DUMPED
|
||||
YOU, YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT, YOU SAT IN THIS HOUSE AND MOPED AROUND FOR TWO
|
||||
MONTHS, AND NOW YOU ARE DOING IT TO GIRLS. I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON YOUR
|
||||
GIRLFRIEND JUST CALLED ME."
|
||||
|
||||
I knew she was right, but she just didn't understand.
|
||||
|
||||
"Whatever mom, I'm going out."
|
||||
|
||||
I thought to myself, She called my mom, what a little bitch. It bothered
|
||||
me so much. How can she be so immature? Why the hell did I go out with
|
||||
her? So I went out and played some pool with the boys, when I got home I
|
||||
had 13 diffrent messages from Sara, telling me that she was sorry, and
|
||||
more bullshit.
|
||||
|
||||
I didn't know what to do, I just couldn't live with it.
|
||||
|
||||
*ring*
|
||||
*ring*
|
||||
|
||||
I picked up, I knew it was her, I felt so bad. So I picked up the phone,
|
||||
I really didn't want to, but I just did.
|
||||
|
||||
me: Hello.
|
||||
her: WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?
|
||||
me: I went out and played pool.
|
||||
her: YOU KNOW YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE, I REALLY HATE YOU, YOU ARE SUCH A
|
||||
LOSER, I CAN'T BELIVE YOU.
|
||||
me: (I was mad at this point, that was it, I didn't want to hear this
|
||||
shit) If i'm such a loser then why are you calling me, why did you
|
||||
call my mom? What the hell was that shit? Why the fuck do you act
|
||||
like such a little girl? Why don't you just leave me alone if i am
|
||||
such a loser?
|
||||
her: I'M KILLING MYSELF. BYE!
|
||||
|
||||
*click*
|
||||
|
||||
I knew she really wasn't going to do it. But I never heard from her after
|
||||
that. I saw her friends, and they would always give me dirty looks. I
|
||||
always wondered what happened to her.
|
||||
|
||||
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
Is this the end? Oh wait footer, uhm.
|
||||
(c) HoE Publications & metalchic. HoE #95 - 11/29/96 IT'S BLACK FRIDAY!
|
||||
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
199
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0096.txt
Normal file
199
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0096.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,199 @@
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
| |
|
||||
| * * * * * * * * * * * * * 9 9 9 9 6 6 6 6 |
|
||||
| * * * * * n # # 9 9 6 |
|
||||
| * * * * * t # # 9 9 6 |
|
||||
| * * * * * r # # # # # # # # 9 9 6 |
|
||||
| ***** * * * * * * # # 9 9 9 9 6 6 6 6 |
|
||||
| * o * * f * * o # # # # # # # # 9 6 6 |
|
||||
| * g * * * * p # # 9 6 6 |
|
||||
| * s * * * * y # # 9 9 6 6 |
|
||||
| * * * * * * * * * * * * * 9 9 9 9 6 6 6 6 |
|
||||
| |
|
||||
| --- |
|
||||
| |
|
||||
| one day, metalchic approached me and asked me to write for h0e. she |
|
||||
| wasn't naked. neither was i. it was after i ate a cheesesteak. i was on |
|
||||
| on drugs. neither was i. we were holding balloons. nobody cared. i won |
|
||||
| a brownie. she didn't either. so did we. she was on drugs. we ran out |
|
||||
| of film. we had no proof. here's my proof. neither was she. |
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
_midnight munchies, valium, take a shower you dirty fuck_
|
||||
|
||||
by styx
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
* mrs. o'leary's bathroom - 06/02/96 - 9:27 a.m. *
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
every room in the house was boring except for the bathroom because
|
||||
everything talked when nobody was home. one day someone took a shit and the
|
||||
fumes killed off everything except for the bathtub patrons, because bathtub
|
||||
patrons are more resistant to fumes than any other bathroom patrons. as time
|
||||
passed, the fume-event grew more and more legendary until the soap saw to it
|
||||
that an appropriate title for a legendary story be given to this legendary
|
||||
story. when nobody was in the house, soap called a council meeting of the
|
||||
bathtub patrons. soap named the council meeting "a council meeting to decide
|
||||
upon and announce an official legendary title for our legendary story about
|
||||
the fume-event."
|
||||
|
||||
the bathtub patrons gathered in the bathtub.
|
||||
|
||||
"i have gathered everyone here this sunny afternoon to decide upon and
|
||||
announce an official legendary name for our legendary story about the
|
||||
fume-event. any ideas?"
|
||||
|
||||
backscrub spoke up. "how about 'the big, smelly shit?'"
|
||||
|
||||
"no," said soap.
|
||||
|
||||
soap was the sort of bathtub patron that agreed to his own superiority
|
||||
and, therefore, was superior. nobody bothered soap because soap said that
|
||||
soap was always right.
|
||||
|
||||
razor spoke up. "how about 'the big, smelly shit?'"
|
||||
|
||||
"splendid!" exclaimed soap. backscrub frowned. razor tittled in glee.
|
||||
soap didn't care. the other bathtub patrons returned to their former posts,
|
||||
content in their indifference, save one; the washcloth.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
* mrs. o'leary's bathtub - 06/02/96 - 2:11 p.m. *
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
"stop dripping on me you stupid motherfucker!"
|
||||
|
||||
washcloth was dangling from the showerhead, drip-drip-dripping all over
|
||||
soap. mrs. o'leary had just taken a shower.
|
||||
|
||||
"no."
|
||||
|
||||
drip.. drip.. dripdrip.. drip-p.. drip..
|
||||
|
||||
"i'm MELTING, washcloth!"
|
||||
|
||||
"yep."
|
||||
|
||||
"stop it!"
|
||||
|
||||
"no," said washcloth. "i won't stop until you rename the fume-event
|
||||
'the big, smelly shit.'"
|
||||
|
||||
"but razor already named it 'the big, smelly shit!'"
|
||||
|
||||
drip.. drip.. dripdrip.. drip-p.. drip..
|
||||
|
||||
"okay!" shouted soap in desparation. "everyone, i call a council!"
|
||||
|
||||
the bathtub patrons gathered in the bathtub.
|
||||
|
||||
soap, soggy and weak, stood up and spoke. "henceforth, the fume-event
|
||||
shall be referred to as 'the big, smelly shit,' as suggested to us by our
|
||||
patron, washcloth."
|
||||
|
||||
"but i suggested it first!" retorted razor.
|
||||
|
||||
"actually, i did," noted backscrub.
|
||||
|
||||
everyone gathered around backscrub and beat the shit out of him. when
|
||||
he lie motionless, razor sliced all of his thistles off. then razor turned
|
||||
to washcloth.
|
||||
|
||||
"you have reduced our fearless bathtub president, soap, to a sloppy wad,
|
||||
and it's all because of your greed. what have you to say?"
|
||||
|
||||
"well, you just sliced backscrub's thistles off and i think he's dead.
|
||||
was that not a direct result of your greed?"
|
||||
|
||||
"you took part in the action, too."
|
||||
|
||||
washcloth frowned. "but backscrub was a half-assed post-christmas
|
||||
defective blue light special, and he always sang rush songs in the middle of
|
||||
the night."
|
||||
|
||||
"oh, yeah."
|
||||
|
||||
the bathtub patrons returned to their posts.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
* mrs. o'leary's bathtub - 06/02/96 - 8:12 p.m. *
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
"we're missing america's funniest home videos!" shouted razor.
|
||||
|
||||
"fuck!" cried the bathtub patrons in unison.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
* mrs. o'leary's bathtub - 06/02/96 - 9:58 p.m. *
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
mrs. o'leary gets her period. toothbrush finds his way to the bathtub.
|
||||
nobody is happy. they fuck him up and push him down the drain. mrs. o'leary
|
||||
accidentally sees. mrs. o'leary gets scared because everything in her
|
||||
bathtub was talking and they fucked up her backscrub and toothbrush. mrs.
|
||||
o'leary shoves a q-tip through her eardrum, has violent muscle spasms, and
|
||||
drops dead. soap gets raped by the shaving cream. soap gets pregnant.
|
||||
nobody understands how. then everyone else dies. then some christian bitch
|
||||
with 7 kids and a minivan buys the house with her husband's child support
|
||||
money. she can't get a date so she kills herself. the children, starving to
|
||||
death and desparate, eat each other. the only one that survives, with no
|
||||
arms, takes a shit one day and his sister's bones tear up his rectal cavity.
|
||||
then he shits out eighteen pints of blood and dies on the toilet just like
|
||||
elvis. everybody is happy. then a meteor hits the house and everyone dies
|
||||
again. the police come because nobody gets mrs. o'leary's mail anymore and
|
||||
there is a meteor in her house. they look in the mailbox and shampoo shoots
|
||||
out a wad of jizz into officer waxbrain's eye. officer waxbrain's partner,
|
||||
officer thimbledick, reacts instinctively and shoots his partner dead. then
|
||||
shampoo jizzes into officer thimbledick's eye. he calls for reinforcements.
|
||||
the cycle continues until shampoo kills off the entire town's police force.
|
||||
then shampoo kills himself. everybody is happy.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
* mrs. o'leary's remains - 06/09/96 - 6:53 a.m. *
|
||||
|
||||
maggot, waking from his slumber, poked his head out of mrs. o'leary's
|
||||
dry, crusty vagina.
|
||||
|
||||
"worm? worm, are you out there?"
|
||||
|
||||
worm poked his head out of mrs. o'leary's dry, crusty asshole.
|
||||
|
||||
"yes, i am here, maggot."
|
||||
|
||||
maggot feigned surprise. "good to see you!"
|
||||
|
||||
"fuck you," spat the worm. "you just want to eat me."
|
||||
|
||||
"so?"
|
||||
|
||||
"well, yeah."
|
||||
|
||||
"are you going to let me eat you?"
|
||||
|
||||
"sure! happy birthday!"
|
||||
|
||||
"it isn't my birthday," explained maggot. "i just like wearing the
|
||||
clothes."
|
||||
|
||||
"oh."
|
||||
|
||||
"yeah, so let's get on with it."
|
||||
|
||||
"okay."
|
||||
|
||||
they both took a shit on mrs. o'leary's shriveled clit and then maggot
|
||||
ate them both.
|
||||
|
||||
everyone was happy.
|
||||
|
||||
__________________________________________________________________________
|
||||
/ \
|
||||
( (c) h0e publications - metalchic & styx - h0e #96 - 12/15/96 - bah humbug. )
|
||||
\__________________________________________________________________________/
|
||||
73
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0097.txt
Normal file
73
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0097.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,73 @@
|
||||
more hoe.
|
||||
stupid ascii. MOO
|
||||
beep.
|
||||
|
||||
.sSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs.
|
||||
,s$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$Ss.
|
||||
,S$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$S.
|
||||
Oink $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$ $$$$$.
|
||||
$$$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$ $ $$$ $$$$$$$$$$. 99999 777777
|
||||
$$$$$$$$ $ $$ $$ $$ SSS$$$$$$$$$ 9 9 7
|
||||
$$$$$$$$ $$ $ $ $$$ $$ ssss$$$$$$$$ 99999 7
|
||||
`$$$$$$$ $$ $ S$$$$ $$$ $$$$$$$$$$' 9 7
|
||||
`$$$$$$ $$ $ $$$$ $$$$S' .9 7
|
||||
`$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$S' 99 7
|
||||
`!$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!'
|
||||
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
|
||||
m00! Hogs Of Entropy
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo
|
||||
/\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\
|
||||
*************************************************************************
|
||||
Alright folks here's another super duper issue of h0e and it's number 97.
|
||||
aww yeah, I bet you are just jumping off your seat to read this one. Okay
|
||||
well, here's the lowdown on this issue: it's good, read it.
|
||||
|
||||
*************************************************************************
|
||||
|
||||
long-sleeve shirts
|
||||
submitted - kaia's friend drew
|
||||
|
||||
--------- --- -- -
|
||||
|
||||
Once there was a stupid, overgrown adolescent. Stupid, because he
|
||||
let his emotions guide all of his actions. He should have learned his lesson
|
||||
when someone he cared for very dearly suddenly turned her back on him. But no,
|
||||
he was stupid, and not six months later, he tried again. This time would be
|
||||
different.
|
||||
He would do nothing to scare this second person off, for she was
|
||||
too special. He cared about her even more than the first one, if that were
|
||||
possible. He found the energy of the relationship so fulfilling that it made
|
||||
up for the complete and utter lack of sex in his life. This was all he needed.
|
||||
To be close to someone he loved. This was all he wanted. But she let people
|
||||
convince her otherwise. "He will rape you if you keep on letting him ha
|
||||
ng around," they told her. And she believed it.
|
||||
So one day, completely out of nowhere, she decided she would have no
|
||||
further contact with this person who had shared so much of her life for the
|
||||
past six months. Seeing how misunderstood he had been, our hero lost all will
|
||||
to live. "At least I have my work," he said. But then, he realized, he
|
||||
didn't even have that. Because everytime he sat down to do work, all he could
|
||||
think of was how much this girl had hurt him, and he'd start to cry. So
|
||||
he failed all of his classes. But he never had to drop out of school, because
|
||||
he lost all will to live way before that.
|
||||
For some inexplicable reason he started vomiting uncontrollably. And
|
||||
realizing that only one person remained who gave a shit about him, in the
|
||||
midst of his vomiting he would write silly stories in an attempt to get this
|
||||
friend's attention. But actually, the "friend" didn't give a damn about
|
||||
whether he lived or died, or was happy or sad. Eventually he died of
|
||||
starvation because he couldn't keep any food in his stomach.
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
Hoe Productions(tm) by - metalchic. leave mail at metalchic@alfheim.net
|
||||
.. ....... . . . . .... . ..
|
||||
whatever - die suckers. 1-22-97
|
||||
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
---> ohceknooyurrudgsadev! <----
|
||||
|
||||
IT'S OVER!
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
91
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0098.txt
Normal file
91
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0098.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,91 @@
|
||||
|
||||
'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########:
|
||||
##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....::
|
||||
##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##:::::::
|
||||
#########: ##:::: ##: ######:::
|
||||
##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...::::
|
||||
##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##:::::::
|
||||
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########:
|
||||
..:::::..::::.....::::........::
|
||||
|
||||
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
|
||||
:::::- hogs of entropy #98 -::::
|
||||
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
|
||||
|
||||
>> "the intertwining worlds of the dumb and the ugly" <<
|
||||
*or*
|
||||
>> "why holly is a whore" <<
|
||||
|
||||
-::: by pixy :::-
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
h0lly is a whore. you don't believe me?!@#? well, one day when i was
|
||||
sitting in that wonderful IRC channel #dto, she up and says "why does my
|
||||
spellchecker for email stop on spermicide????" i don't know about you, but
|
||||
i'll presume that you haven't used the word "spermicide" in any email in
|
||||
your life. i know i haven't. maybe *i'm* the abnormal one, but for this
|
||||
article i'll say that i am normal and h0lly is just a whore.
|
||||
|
||||
that's not enough proof for you of her whoreness? alright, alright.
|
||||
well the rules of being a whore might help me explain better how h0lly is
|
||||
one.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
rule #1: you're female
|
||||
|
||||
of course that's a rule. guys aren't whores, they're studs. that is
|
||||
and always will be the rule.
|
||||
|
||||
how h0lly fits: she's female. that's easily established.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
rule #2: you're ugly
|
||||
|
||||
there is no such thing as a beautiful whore. if you're beautiful,
|
||||
you use guys, marry into money, and divorce rich. you don't go
|
||||
around fucking IRC guys, much less #zines guys.
|
||||
|
||||
how h0lly fits: she humped hardc0re.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
rule #3: you're dumb
|
||||
|
||||
the word whore and dumb go hand in hand. have you ever met a smart
|
||||
whore? didn't think so.
|
||||
|
||||
how h0lly fits: when confronted and told that she was dumb she
|
||||
replied with "oh yeah! i'm dumb. heheheh i must
|
||||
have forgot that i'm dumb!@#"
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
rule #4: you're a giggly retard
|
||||
|
||||
you say things to the "studs" like "heheheheheh you're so funny!" -
|
||||
especially when the male counterpart said something really fucking
|
||||
stupid. in other words, the female's lips are "glued" to the males
|
||||
penis.
|
||||
|
||||
how h0lly fits: right after she humped hardc0re she was a giggling
|
||||
retard. everyday in #zines she would flirt
|
||||
disgustingly 'til i finally got tired of it and
|
||||
banned her.
|
||||
|
||||
of course i still see her whoreness in #dto because mogel "loves
|
||||
everybody" and doesn't let me ban her. does she write for DTO? nope. does
|
||||
she write for any 'zine? nope. she's just there to be a whore.
|
||||
|
||||
i have set out to kill all the dumb whores. it is my homework
|
||||
assignment. yes, it will take years, but it's my life goal. you are more
|
||||
than welcome to help in my mission. you have the rules; now use them to
|
||||
your advantage.
|
||||
|
||||
DOWN WITH THE WHORES.
|
||||
|
||||
=---------------------------------------------------------------------------=
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications & metalchick. HoE #98 -- written by pixy -- 4/28/97 *
|
||||
55
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0099.txt
Normal file
55
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0099.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,55 @@
|
||||
|
||||
##
|
||||
oink. ## moo.
|
||||
##
|
||||
oink. ##
|
||||
## /## /### /##
|
||||
oink. ## / ### / ### / / ###
|
||||
##/ ### / ###/ / ###
|
||||
oink. ## ## ## ## ## ### hogs of entropy
|
||||
## ## ## ## ######## issue #99
|
||||
oink. ## ## ## ## #######
|
||||
## ## ## ## ## >> "a REAL bush fan" <<
|
||||
oink. ## ## ## ## ####
|
||||
## ## ###### ######/ this quality text file
|
||||
oink. ## ## #### ##### was written by _creed_
|
||||
|
||||
=---------------------------------------------------------------------------=
|
||||
|
||||
<creed> i would let gavin castrate me and shove my own dick up my ass
|
||||
<creed> and then i'd let him make me lick my own shit off it as he jammed it
|
||||
down my throat
|
||||
<creed> and then i'd let him fuck my bleeding hole
|
||||
<creed> and then i'd let him shove his shoe up my ass while he made me
|
||||
give his dog head
|
||||
<creed> and then i'd drink all his dog's piss when he urinated into my mouth
|
||||
<creed> i would let him fill my mouth with shit and worms and then shove my own
|
||||
castrated dick in the filth
|
||||
<creed> i would deep throat it for him
|
||||
<creed> and then i'd let him cut both of my ears and nose off and shove them
|
||||
all up my ass all the way up into my intestines
|
||||
<creed> and then i'd let him take my own castrated shit and worm-covered
|
||||
chewed-up dick out of my mouth and cut off my tongue so he could
|
||||
watch it bleed in my asshole
|
||||
<creed> then i'd let him take my own dick and gouge my eyes out
|
||||
<creed> and i'd squeal while his dog fucked one of my own eye sockets while my
|
||||
castrated schlong did the other
|
||||
<creed> and then i would let him shove hot coals up my asshole, one by one
|
||||
<creed> and take my castrated bleeding worm and shit covered chewed-up dick out
|
||||
of my eye socket and shove it back into the bleeding hole in my
|
||||
crotch
|
||||
<creed> while he shoved my 4-year-old sister's head up my own asshole to
|
||||
retrieve the hot coals
|
||||
<creed> and then i'd let gavin take my bleeding castrated worm and shit-covered
|
||||
chewed-up dick and shove it in my 4-year-old sister's ass while he
|
||||
forced her head into my bleeding asshole to retrieve red-hot coals
|
||||
with her mouth
|
||||
<creed> and then i'd let gavin break all my sister's legs and then shove her
|
||||
completely into my asshole, crippled and half-dead
|
||||
<creed> and while my anal pore stretched and my pelvic bones broke, bleeding
|
||||
everywhere, and as i took my last breaths, i'd say: "gavin... do
|
||||
whatever you want with my lifeless, eyeless, earless, noseless,
|
||||
bleeding, shit-covered, castrated, worm-infested, coal-filled body"
|
||||
|
||||
=---------------------------------------------------------------------------=
|
||||
(c) HoE publications and metalchick. HoE #99 -> written by creed - 4/28/97
|
||||
288
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0100.txt
Normal file
288
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0100.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,288 @@
|
||||
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
|
||||
|
||||
::: ::: ::::::: ::::::::::
|
||||
:+: :+: :+: :+: :+: :+: :+: :+: :+:
|
||||
+:+ +:+ +:+ +:+ +:+ +:+ +:+ +:+ +:+
|
||||
+#++:++#++:++ +#++:++#++ +#+ +:+ +#++:++# +#++:++#++:++
|
||||
+#+ +#+ +#+ +#+ +#+ +#+ +#+ +#+ +#+
|
||||
#+# #+# #+# #+# #+# #+# #+# #+# #+#
|
||||
### ### ####### ##########
|
||||
|
||||
hogs of entropy issue #100
|
||||
|
||||
...presents...
|
||||
|
||||
...an ultimate tribute to those who are crazy...
|
||||
|
||||
>> "the chart" <<
|
||||
|
||||
*or*
|
||||
|
||||
"the official kevin-bacon-game-turned-computer-underground chart [tm]"
|
||||
(version 7.56)
|
||||
|
||||
by -> goldy the pimp from pamona
|
||||
|
||||
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
|
||||
|
||||
.-------------------------------------------------------------------.
|
||||
| .---------. .----------------------------------------. |
|
||||
| | | | | |
|
||||
| toby .- turin ----------------------------. | |
|
||||
| | | | \ | | |
|
||||
| | | | keeper -- thal -- morgaine | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | |
|
||||
| .-|---|--|----|--------- intro ---------|---------|---------|-.
|
||||
| | | .-|--|-- bjoe | | | | |
|
||||
| .---|-|-|-|--|--------------- brat | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | | | |
|
||||
| .-|---|-|-|-|--|-----------------|------------|---------|-----. | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | \ .-------|------------|---------|-----|---|-|-.
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
|
||||
`angst -|-|-|-|- reality --|-------|------. acidqueene | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | / | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | ffej lucky weedboy llama | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | `\ | \ / | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | vera | || styx -------------|--. | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | eerie || | | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | || | dukeo / | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | / | \ || / / / | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | scuzz | .-- evol --' .----|--- blueeyes | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | | | | | / | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | morph | | | | `--- bF --' | / dom | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | | | / | | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | .-- metalchic --|----|----' | 8ball -- carly | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | \ | | | | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | cerkit \ | | | | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | `-|--. | `------. | | | | | |
|
||||
.-|-|---|-|-|-|-|---------------|-- pip --- cancer | | | xan | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | b3 .----' / \ | | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | | fatslayer | | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | `-|-- aoxomoxoa ---. | .----------|---|-' `---------. | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | / | | | | | | `--. | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | ladydeath | | | hardcore | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | nitz | | | | rattle - holly | | | | |
|
||||
| | `-- oodles -' | | gumby | | | | | beck | | | |
|
||||
| | | \ | \ | | | sirlance | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | tMM | poppie | | | | nymph | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | | | | | |
|
||||
| | TH0M Y0RKE | donnie | | | | sample | | | |
|
||||
| \ | | | | | \ | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | `-----. | | | | |
|
||||
| collette | lucifuge | | | turbo | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | \ | | | / `\ | | | | |
|
||||
| kablooie ---- kaia -- mogel -- crank ----- dcheese ---------- beastie |
|
||||
| | | / | | \ | \ |
|
||||
| mooer -- ostrich -------|---' | | \ | leesa -----. |
|
||||
| / | | / | | | | | |
|
||||
| demon jellyb .-- fawn / | | hgirl fried inuendo |
|
||||
| | | | / | | |
|
||||
| tsoul fishhead | | | `----------- jamesy - yumas |
|
||||
| | | | | / \ |
|
||||
| ninja - all of nitco | | | puck -- kinessa LCN |
|
||||
| | .----------- murmur spirit | | | |
|
||||
| sita | .--------' / | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | / | graywolf - pixy ------ gweeds - whoops |
|
||||
| skooter | | | | | .-----' | | `-. | |
|
||||
| | | glynis | keroppi larissa jakey | .-----' | | nyar |
|
||||
| lori | | | | / | | | | | |
|
||||
| | quarex / hitchcock .--' | tammy | skora |
|
||||
`--. | / / | | \ | .--' / | | |
|
||||
.--|------' / megan| barb | | | / | `------. |
|
||||
| waar piglet | | | | | | / JELL0 BIAFRA | |
|
||||
| | / | \ | amy | laurak | | | | |
|
||||
| SiN13 ghort | \ \ | | / \ | | TRENT REZN0R | |
|
||||
| | | `- rottenz \ | | | | | |
|
||||
| tracy | | \ | | | | T0RI AM0S | |
|
||||
| | swisspope | narya | | | | | |
|
||||
| seth | | poto | | | C0URTNEY L0VE -. | |
|
||||
| | | | | davek | | | | | |
|
||||
| liz -----' windx | | | | KURT C0BAIN | | |
|
||||
| | dr0ne - carrie | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | BILLY C0RGAN | |
|
||||
| \ nuprinboy | | | | |
|
||||
| trilobyte neko \ | | MARY L0RD | |
|
||||
\ / | \ | | | |
|
||||
sonia -- velcro -- kirshana | | | | |
|
||||
| / | | nineve | `\ | |
|
||||
sate --. sedrick gnarf bear | | `\ | |
|
||||
| `\ | .---. | duatra jess | |
|
||||
fuaim rabidchild tao ---' | \ | / / | | |
|
||||
| \ | / | .-- corp ----' andrew | |
|
||||
| fate / | | /| / | |
|
||||
beaker erise | | | | mswicked random-tox | |
|
||||
vegas | | | | | | / |
|
||||
| | | | | | silicosis -- espidre |
|
||||
kiwidog | .-' | | | | | |
|
||||
\ | | / | | | mudge -- shewolf -- iskra |
|
||||
.-- saxy -- cardiac / | | | | |
|
||||
| | timbrel | | | r2 ----- mujahadin |
|
||||
sandman fassassin | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | tsk -- pinguino -- sp0t |
|
||||
trissy discodiva | | | | / | |
|
||||
| | | | | anarchist vyrus -- teq |
|
||||
skie -- basehead | | | | |
|
||||
n00gie | | | | corwin |
|
||||
| | | | | | |
|
||||
grayarea | niala | | ao | quisling |
|
||||
| | / \ | | | | / |
|
||||
ben sherman | | `-|-|--- asriel -- wintarose ------'
|
||||
| | | | | | / | \
|
||||
mrg -- tele | | | | | sinner | valgamon
|
||||
\ | | | | | |
|
||||
theora ----- sarlo ----|-|-- astraea |
|
||||
| / \ | | | |
|
||||
RAgent kara `\ | | yy[z] - mo |
|
||||
| | | | |
|
||||
| | | max-q -|------------.
|
||||
| | | | |
|
||||
| | | .------------- sync |
|
||||
| | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | gauss --. |.--- aloke |
|
||||
.-----------|-|-|-|-------------.| || |
|
||||
.---------------------|-----------|-|-|-|----------. || || discodan |
|
||||
| | | | | | `\|| || / |
|
||||
| | | | | | professor - xgirl -- deker |
|
||||
| romulen | | | | | / || | \ | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | cg || | gwar | |
|
||||
| nettwerk | devious | | | | | / | \ | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | adamw | loki | |
|
||||
| \ | / | | | | | | | | |
|
||||
| \ | / | | | | | swallow jazzy | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | .---------------------' |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | | .-'
|
||||
| bernieS | | | | | | | | | .--- caffiend ---|-.
|
||||
| \ | | | | | | | | | | | |
|
||||
| `\ | | | .-------|-|-|-|--|-|- homeysan | |
|
||||
| `\ | | | | | | | | | | | |
|
||||
| philipw -- phyzzix ------|-' | | | | daemon9 | |
|
||||
| | / | | | \ | | | | | | | |
|
||||
| | / | | | `----|---|-|--' | spacegirl | |
|
||||
| emmanuel | | `\ | | | | lgas | | |
|
||||
| | | | etrigan | / | .-' | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | / | .-- aliced | jasonf | |
|
||||
| | / | am0eba | | | / | / | | | | |
|
||||
| .-------- roman | | | | | | | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | / \| | / | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | .- ophie ---|-- y-windows - judy | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | | | \ | |
|
||||
| | J0SH LAZIE | | | | | erikb | | | angebaby | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
|
||||
| | wikked -- tsal | | | | | | | | otopico | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | | | phatgirl | |
|
||||
| | t0c -- seussy - o0 `-|---|-|-----|--. | | | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | | | | | | |
|
||||
| | .---------------------------' | | | | | | `\ | |
|
||||
| | | redmare SN | | | `--|-|- elektra | |
|
||||
| | | | KL |.-- AF/OSI | | | | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | tabas -. `\ || .---------' | | | | | misuse | |
|
||||
| | | `\ ||| | | | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | wing -. `\ ||| | .--------|-----' | | | | |
|
||||
| | | `\ |||| | / | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | albatross --- n0elle ----------|-----------' | z1nk | |
|
||||
| | | | / | | | \ | | | |
|
||||
| | | r0ach -- jsz dt | \ `dh .----|-- morgan | | |
|
||||
| | | | | | `\ / | | | | | |
|
||||
| | | mooks | nts fuz -----' gfm earle | .----------' |
|
||||
| | | \ | | / | \ | | |
|
||||
| | | sparxx --- l0ra -' | `-------------- juliet -- looey --'
|
||||
| `-|---------------' | \ | | \
|
||||
`-----|-----------------|---|---' | badger
|
||||
| | `----------------- mchemist
|
||||
`------------ theejoker |
|
||||
| sfuze
|
||||
quagmire |
|
||||
scorpion
|
||||
|
||||
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
|
||||
|
||||
"the big loop" is over 165 people.
|
||||
feed the chart.
|
||||
|
||||
the top rankings:
|
||||
----------------
|
||||
|
||||
#1 winner -- n0elle -- 14 links!
|
||||
#2 winner -- xgirl -- 13 links!
|
||||
#3 winner -- phyzzix -- 12 links!
|
||||
#4 winner -- crank ---- 11 links!
|
||||
|
||||
(8 links: gweeds, evol, l0ra, ophie, y-windoze, & wintarose)
|
||||
(7 links: turin, metalchic, oodles, & corp)
|
||||
|
||||
be a winner *today*!
|
||||
|
||||
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
|
||||
|
||||
#zines:
|
||||
|
||||
figglemuffinz -- creed
|
||||
ilsundal -- fairy princess
|
||||
krampus -- ziggy -- indpuck
|
||||
ogre -- peggy -- juke -- amber
|
||||
|
||||
bumble -- teletype -- memily -- fl00d
|
||||
|
|
||||
lidsville
|
||||
|
||||
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
|
||||
|
||||
#hack:
|
||||
|
||||
b0gus
|
||||
|
|
||||
dveggie --- gita -- drdoom -- chasin
|
||||
|
||||
u4ea -- missx -- kc
|
||||
hannah -- demented1 -- tiffie
|
||||
t3kg -- elfgard
|
||||
pluvius -- lydia
|
||||
ludi -- torquie
|
||||
disorder -- demonika -- wraith
|
||||
panic -- plant -- erikt
|
||||
space rogue -- rosieriv -- gheap
|
||||
vamprella -- purpcon
|
||||
|
||||
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
|
||||
|
||||
#ansi:
|
||||
|
||||
nivenh -- speck -- liquid motion
|
||||
| \
|
||||
sin d_rebel
|
||||
|
||||
iceheart -- virago -- mre
|
||||
kitiara -- starlord
|
||||
anarchy -- aphex twin
|
||||
soul seeker -- educated guess
|
||||
tabiqui -- catbones -- sprite
|
||||
tempus thales -- lady in black -- midnight sorrow
|
||||
magnatop -- darice
|
||||
kspiff -- mimes -- dieznyik - nelli
|
||||
|
||||
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
|
||||
|
||||
#trax:
|
||||
|
||||
gblues
|
||||
|
|
||||
squeep - qporucpine - ami - dilvish
|
||||
|
||||
lowrider - lum - perisoft
|
||||
mickrip - astrid
|
||||
higherbeing - ms_saigon - floss
|
||||
pandorra - malakai
|
||||
leece - draggy
|
||||
ozone - bliss
|
||||
mellow-d - kisu - snowman - trixi
|
||||
animix - pixie
|
||||
lummy - daedalus
|
||||
frostbitten dream - pickl'ette - redial
|
||||
|
||||
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
|
||||
(c) HoE publications. HoE #101 -- 6/11/97. email: hoe@dto.net.
|
||||
135
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0101.txt
Normal file
135
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0101.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,135 @@
|
||||
___ ___ ___
|
||||
/\ \ /\ \ /\__\ the glorious hogs of entropy
|
||||
\:\ \ /::\ \ /:/ _/_ present unto you
|
||||
\:\ \ /:/\:\ \ /:/ /\__\ issue #101
|
||||
___ /::\ \ /:/ \:\ \ /:/ /:/ _/_
|
||||
/\ /:/\:\__\ /:/__/ \:\__\ /:/_/:/ /\__\ >> "group therapy" <<
|
||||
\:\/:/ \/__/ \:\ \ /:/ / \:\/:/ /:/ / by -> trilobyte
|
||||
\::/__/ \:\ /:/ / \::/_/:/ / n
|
||||
\:\ \ o \:\/:/ / \:\/:/ / t oink you, pal.
|
||||
\:\__\ g \::/ / f \::/ / r
|
||||
\/__/ s \/__/ \/__/ o p y *gigglezz!*
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
"group therapy"
|
||||
by - trilobyte
|
||||
|
||||
in the room was a circle of chairs full of people. two of those
|
||||
people were ralph and mary, a married couple of 25 years.
|
||||
|
||||
"i wish that ralph didn't stink so much," mary said. "all he does
|
||||
all day is sit on the couch, watch tv, and eat cheetos."
|
||||
|
||||
"it's not my fault i stink!" ralph replied. "If she would clean up
|
||||
the messes she makes with her chronic diarrhea, i wouldn't have to lay in
|
||||
piles of dried feces!"
|
||||
|
||||
mary sat quietly for about a minute. then ralph suddenly stood up
|
||||
and hurriedly hobbled to the other end of the room.
|
||||
|
||||
"pheeeeeew-eee! wear a fucking diaper," ralph yelled at mary. he
|
||||
then sat down on the radiator behind him because it was cold in the room.
|
||||
|
||||
"sorry. i can't help it that i'm sick!"
|
||||
|
||||
"you could shoo... ooo... oooOoOoOoOOOO!! hot damn!" ralph jumped
|
||||
off the radiator and ran out the door of the room.
|
||||
|
||||
mary stood up and wiped off the chair. "i'm sorry folks," she said
|
||||
to the other members of the support group.
|
||||
|
||||
they looked at her with knowing, caring expressions. she smiled
|
||||
back. "it sure is nice to have friends like you," she said back and then sat
|
||||
back down.
|
||||
|
||||
bill walked into the room.
|
||||
|
||||
"hey, mary, i saw ralph run out of the room holding his butt. what
|
||||
in the world happened?"
|
||||
|
||||
"i had some diarrhea."
|
||||
|
||||
"what does that have to do with his butt?"
|
||||
|
||||
"nothing. he sat on the radiator. it probably burned his rear end."
|
||||
|
||||
"aye!" bill shuddered and began to shake uncontrollably. he fell on
|
||||
the floor and moved around like a floundering fish. mary enjoyed the
|
||||
spectacle for a few minutes, then ralph walked back in.
|
||||
|
||||
"damn it, my ass was burnt all to hell. remind me never to sit on
|
||||
the radiator again."
|
||||
|
||||
"never sit on the radiator again."
|
||||
|
||||
"shut your stinky, crusty ass up."
|
||||
|
||||
"i can't. if i could, i wouldn't be here."
|
||||
|
||||
"aren't we just full of wit? what happened here, you get a brain?
|
||||
oh, i see, bill is here. hi, bill."
|
||||
|
||||
"howdy, there, ralph."
|
||||
|
||||
"practicing your breakdancing again?" frank asked him.
|
||||
|
||||
"no, actually, i'm having an epileptic seizure."
|
||||
|
||||
"oh, that's too bad. sorry. anything i can do for you?"
|
||||
|
||||
"nahh, i'll be ok."
|
||||
|
||||
bill continued to flounder on the floor in the middle of the circle
|
||||
of chairs. the other members of the support group looked at him with
|
||||
knowing, caring expressions.
|
||||
|
||||
after a few minutes, mary had another diarrhea attack. ralph smelled
|
||||
it immediately. this was really a bad one. he jumped up out of his chair
|
||||
and ran across the room to the window. he sat on the radiator.
|
||||
|
||||
bill stopped wincing and floundering and stood up. "sorry," he said.
|
||||
|
||||
"that's quite... all... riii.. iiIiIiIIIiIiIIII!!! AYEEE!" screamed
|
||||
ralph, as he jumped off the radiator and ran out of the room.
|
||||
|
||||
mary stood up and bill sat down in her chair.
|
||||
|
||||
"heh, my ass feels all squishy," bill told mary.
|
||||
|
||||
"NO! THE MUSIC IS TOO LOUD! TOO LOUD! AHHHH!" mary screamed. she
|
||||
put her hands to her ears and drudged around the room.
|
||||
|
||||
"teach me german!" bill told mary.
|
||||
|
||||
"NO! NO! NO!"
|
||||
|
||||
"damn," bill said. he stood up and wiped off his ass. he then
|
||||
licked his hand clean. "when are you going to get rid of all these dolls
|
||||
you have in these chairs," he asked mary. "If someone saw this, they'd
|
||||
think you and ralph were a couple of insane fools."
|
||||
|
||||
"THE MUSIC! IT HURTS MY EARS! STOP THE MUSIC! --- ahhh.
|
||||
thanks," mary said, and then she sat back down in her chair. "i don't
|
||||
think that this counseling is doing any good for our marriage."
|
||||
|
||||
"our marriage? i thought you were married to ralph," bill said.
|
||||
|
||||
"that's what i mean. i'm divorcing ralph. tell him that when he
|
||||
comes back in. i don't think that he ever wants to see me again. he's
|
||||
probably gone forever. this damn counseling has done more bad than good.
|
||||
you hear me, you stupid fools? YOU'RE AS GOOD AS A BUNCH OF STUFFED
|
||||
FUCKING WOODLAND CREATURES! get bent."
|
||||
|
||||
with that, mary left the room. bill sat down in mary's chair and
|
||||
waited for ralph to return. bill had to tell ralph about mary's desire
|
||||
to split up. as he waited for ralph to come back, he thought about mary's
|
||||
comment. it would be neat to have some scenes in his home that contained
|
||||
stuffed woodland creatures fucking. bill got quite a bit of pleasure
|
||||
thinking about that. one scene in the living room with some beavers,
|
||||
one in the kitchen with snakes and bears, so many possibilities...
|
||||
|
||||
however, ralph never returned, and bill died.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #101 -- written by trilobyte -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
191
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0102.txt
Normal file
191
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0102.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,191 @@
|
||||
|
||||
-> hogs of entropy -|- issue #102 <-
|
||||
|
||||
:: .: ... .,::::::
|
||||
,, ,;; ;;, .;;;;;;;. ;;;;'''' ,,
|
||||
'[[, ,[[[,,,[[[ ,[[ \[[, [[cccc ,[['
|
||||
cccc$c "$$$"""$$$ $$$, $$$ $$"""" c$cccc
|
||||
,od8" 888 "88o "888,_ _,88P 888oo,__ "8bo,
|
||||
YM" MMM YMM "YMMMMMP" """"YUMMM "MP
|
||||
|
||||
>> "i'm so stupid" <<
|
||||
|
||||
*or*
|
||||
|
||||
>> "the beginning of the end" <<
|
||||
|
||||
-::: by trip :::-
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
3/27/97, approxamately 1:00pm.
|
||||
|
||||
(knock knock)
|
||||
|
||||
I opened the door, not really knowing what to expect. It was only 1,
|
||||
or so, and i was just barely getting out of the shower, my hair still wet,
|
||||
walking around in a pair of white boxers, when wet, probably exposed my
|
||||
penis.
|
||||
|
||||
But that's ok, it was only Kim, she'd seen it before.
|
||||
|
||||
"Oh, hi. I wasn't expecting you."
|
||||
|
||||
I've learned to be very careful of what words i choose to use with
|
||||
her, she has her own way of twisting and contorting my words into what she
|
||||
sees fit. "Would you pass the salami?" may seem innocent enough, when
|
||||
spoken in my plain speaking voice, but whenever she repeats it .. "And he
|
||||
said, 'Would YOU pass the SALAMI?'," totally changing the entire meaning
|
||||
of it. I do my best not to upset her, it's not a good idea.
|
||||
|
||||
"I told you I was coming over, god." She rolled her eyes and walked
|
||||
in.
|
||||
|
||||
Yeah, but she didn't say WHEN.
|
||||
|
||||
She strolled into the bedroom, and flopped her Elmo backpack on the
|
||||
ground. My room is a mess, at least she doesn't bitch at me about that.
|
||||
|
||||
"What's wrong?" She had a sad, distant look on her face. A look I've
|
||||
gotten pretty used to.
|
||||
|
||||
"The people at the DMV said my birth certificate was invalid or some-
|
||||
thing. I was like, 'Hello, I was born, I'm right fucking here!' but they
|
||||
told me I have to write to the hospital in Texas where I was born to get
|
||||
some proof of my birth."
|
||||
|
||||
She had studied all night the night before to get her permit; she was
|
||||
well over the age required to get her permit, she just had never bothered
|
||||
to grow up and get her shit together. Being denied her permit for the time
|
||||
being was as bad as killing her dog.
|
||||
|
||||
"And everywhere we went, men just bothered me .. saying rude things to
|
||||
even in front of my _mom_. Hell, I was even dressed respectably, nothing
|
||||
revealing at all. It was worse then when I wear what I normally do, which
|
||||
makes me look like a slut."
|
||||
|
||||
She WAS right about that ...
|
||||
|
||||
She laid down on the bed, petting Clarence, my cat.
|
||||
|
||||
I laid down with her, trying not to do anything to annoy her. I kissed
|
||||
her forehead; no response. As I did it, I daydreamed of her talking to one
|
||||
of her friends the next day...
|
||||
|
||||
(70's flashback type screen blur)
|
||||
"He was such a gentleman. All he did was kiss my forehead."
|
||||
(70's flashback type screen blur)
|
||||
|
||||
I REALLY did want to be a gentleman, but, being the male I am, my lust
|
||||
didn't take long to take over.
|
||||
|
||||
We laid in bed, talking little nothings. I got her to smile.
|
||||
|
||||
She began to unbutton her shirt.
|
||||
|
||||
"What-cha dooooin'?" I smiled.
|
||||
|
||||
"Getting comfortable."
|
||||
|
||||
-/- interlude
|
||||
|
||||
The phone just rang, as I type this. I hope it isn't her, I hope it
|
||||
isn't her, I'd hate to have to lie to her about what I'm doing. 'Oh ..
|
||||
just writing about how horrible you are,' didn't sound nearly as good as
|
||||
'Oh .. just watching Beavis & Butthead.'
|
||||
|
||||
Ahh, good. It was just someone calling my BBS.
|
||||
|
||||
-/-
|
||||
|
||||
I moved from my position next to her, & told Clarence to get lost. He
|
||||
immediately complied. I was now lying on top of her.
|
||||
|
||||
"What-cha thiiinkin'?"
|
||||
GOD I FUCKING HATE THAT QUESTION.
|
||||
What the hell did she want to hear? 'Oh, I was just mentally debating
|
||||
who captured the feeling of the Renassaince the best.'
|
||||
"Wondering if the bra you're wearing has the clasp in the front or in
|
||||
the back."
|
||||
"It's in the back."
|
||||
"You know i can't fucking figure those things out, you do it."
|
||||
She undid her bra with one hand, like she has so many times before.
|
||||
Her bra was now lying crumpled next to her crumpled shirt on the
|
||||
floor, near the crumpled afore-mentioned Elmo backpack.
|
||||
I began to suck on her left nipple, playing with the right one with my
|
||||
right hand. She was enjoying it, arching her back.
|
||||
|
||||
(70's flashback type screen blur)
|
||||
"He was such a gentleman. All he did was kiss my forehead."
|
||||
(70's flashback type screen blur)
|
||||
|
||||
*click* The Franky Bones tape stopped.
|
||||
"The music stopped."
|
||||
GEE, NO SHIT?
|
||||
I got up and went to the tape deck as slow as I could to flip the
|
||||
tape.
|
||||
I knew what she was doing, I was just giving her time.
|
||||
"What-cha doooin'?"
|
||||
"*giggle* Oh, nothin'."
|
||||
I returned to her under the comforter, her pants were gone. She was
|
||||
wearing her fuzzy velvet panties, the ones she knew I loved.
|
||||
We stayed under the comforter a while, kissing, talking, laughing. We
|
||||
were having a good time. We just happened to be mostly nude.
|
||||
"What-cha thiiinkin'?"
|
||||
Hah. This time _I_ got _her_.
|
||||
"That this is all we have. And it's ok."
|
||||
She had been talking lately about how we have no relationship except
|
||||
my bed, which isn't true, but it's easy to see where she would say that.
|
||||
She walked in depressed, within half an hour her nipple was in my mouth.
|
||||
It destroyed me. It broke my heart into 2 distinct pieces. I wanted it
|
||||
not to be true, I knew it wasn't, yet it was very obvious what made her
|
||||
say it.
|
||||
|
||||
(70's flashback type screen blur)
|
||||
"He was such a gentleman. All he did was kiss my forehead."
|
||||
(70's flashback type screen blur)
|
||||
|
||||
*bzzzz*
|
||||
"Ignore it."
|
||||
"No... hand me my pager."
|
||||
I fumbled around the desk, found her pager, and handed it to her.
|
||||
"It's my dad. I have to call him."
|
||||
"Guh..."
|
||||
I handed her the phone.
|
||||
"Hi daddy... the bad man at the DMV... yeah... Mom was pissed......"
|
||||
She finishes her conversation with the man who saw me ONCE, for less
|
||||
than a second, and has hated me ever since. That was 3 years ago. He even
|
||||
forgot my name, he think's it's Mike.
|
||||
"What's wrong?"
|
||||
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG? YOU JUST DESTROYED
|
||||
ME, THAT'S WHATS FUCKING WRONG.
|
||||
"What you just said."
|
||||
I glanced at the clock. 3:40. I had to be at the bus stop to make it
|
||||
to work on time in about 20 minutes.
|
||||
"I have to go to work."
|
||||
"Please, don't go." She pulled me to her and kissed me.
|
||||
I had been glancing at the clock occasionally .. I had to get out of
|
||||
bed eventually, sex was now completely gone. 'Maybe I'll get a quick
|
||||
blowjob...'
|
||||
I stayed.
|
||||
"Why is it so hard to understand? It's true."
|
||||
"No it isn't. I have to go to work."
|
||||
"Please, don't go." She pulled me to her and kissed me.
|
||||
I fell into her, sighing. She laughed.
|
||||
*ring*
|
||||
"Hello?... No..." I slipped my finger under her panties, in between
|
||||
her vaginal lips. She was somewhat moist, but not really. Damn.
|
||||
"ok, bye."
|
||||
"You did that while you were on the PHONE? You are SO bad!"
|
||||
3:47.
|
||||
"I REALLY have to go."
|
||||
"What am I supposed to do? Just stay here?"
|
||||
"Sure."
|
||||
I quickly dressed.
|
||||
"Turn off the lights and lock ..."
|
||||
"I know."
|
||||
I was just sitting down on the bench when the bus pulled up. I made
|
||||
it.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications & metalchick. HoE #102 - written by trip - 6/11/97 *
|
||||
101
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0103.txt
Normal file
101
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0103.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,101 @@
|
||||
|
||||
hhhhhhh h0gz ov entr0pee 000000000
|
||||
h:::::h isshu numbah 00:::::::::00 "oink."
|
||||
h:::::h one-oh-three 00:::::::::::::00
|
||||
h:::::h 0:::::::000:::::::0 QUALITY TEXT FILES!!!!!
|
||||
h::::h hhhhh 0::::::0 0::::::0 eeeeeeeeeeee
|
||||
h::::hh:::::hhh 0:::::0 0:::::0 ee::::::::::::ee
|
||||
h::::::::::::::hh 0:::::0 0:::::0 e::::::eeeee:::::ee
|
||||
h:::::::hhh::::::h 0:::::0 000 0:::::0 e::::::e e:::::e
|
||||
h::::::h h::::::h 0:::::0 000 0:::::0 e:::::::eeeee::::::e
|
||||
h:::::h h:::::h 0:::::0 0:::::0 e:::::::::::::::::e
|
||||
h:::::h h:::::h 0:::::0 0:::::0 e::::::eeeeeeeeeee
|
||||
h:::::h h:::::h 0::::::0 0::::::0 e:::::::e
|
||||
h:::::h h:::::h 0:::::::000:::::::0 e::::::::e
|
||||
h:::::h h:::::h 00:::::::::::::00 e::::::::eeeeeeee
|
||||
h:::::h h:::::h 00:::::::::00 ee:::::::::::::e
|
||||
hhhhhhh hhhhhhh 000000000 eeeeeeeeeeeeee
|
||||
|
||||
>> "the rise of the mogels, part one" <<
|
||||
by -> eerie
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
the mad scientist entered the experiment room & said hi to his
|
||||
evil assistant:
|
||||
|
||||
"hi, evil assistant!!!"
|
||||
|
||||
"oh, here you are, mad scientist! i'm completely ready for the
|
||||
first experiment in human cloning!"
|
||||
|
||||
"fine!!! fine!#! so did we decide on a guinea pig yet?"
|
||||
|
||||
"actually, we've been considering every existing group of people
|
||||
from which we could pick up our top notch guinea pig. like, we checked
|
||||
lawyers, but hey, they could sue us if we fuck up. or like, web page
|
||||
designers & isp sysadmins, but their egos won't fit in the cloning
|
||||
machine."
|
||||
|
||||
"damn, that's one hell of a problem."
|
||||
|
||||
"not really, but i like to make it sound like one. actually, what
|
||||
we have to worry about is that we can't go clone someone that's dangerous
|
||||
-- you never know the impact it can have on life in america. we'd most
|
||||
likely duplicate someone who has no influence whatsover, even though an
|
||||
overall nice, easy to get along with person, you know?"
|
||||
|
||||
"like, you'd need forrest gump."
|
||||
|
||||
"well, we need someone whose disappearance would be left
|
||||
unnoticed. but we found it. _the_ (& you can quote me on this &
|
||||
underscore the word "the") most useless, harmless, & generally overlooked
|
||||
job in america is actually _e-zine editor_."
|
||||
|
||||
"oh my god, it's so obvious, i wonder why i haven't thought of
|
||||
it."
|
||||
|
||||
"well, you don't read those things, do you?"
|
||||
|
||||
"of course not. well, i did check out suck once."
|
||||
|
||||
"we found the perfect e-zine, mad scientist, it's called _doomed
|
||||
to obscurity_, & it's basically doomed to, well, you know."
|
||||
|
||||
"heh heh heh. so who is the editor of this z .. zy .. zeen?"
|
||||
|
||||
"his name is _mogel_."
|
||||
|
||||
"get him. now."
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
mogel was then caught by evil fbi agents who brought him in the
|
||||
mad scientist's mansion. then, they put him in the cloning machine.
|
||||
flashes of lights began to appear everywhere & suddenly, the room got
|
||||
filled with thousands of mogels, all looking the exact same.
|
||||
|
||||
"this is perfect", mad scientist said. "let's see how they react
|
||||
now!"
|
||||
|
||||
"say something!" asked evil assistant.
|
||||
|
||||
a token mogel said: "i like soup."
|
||||
|
||||
another token mogel added: "me too!"
|
||||
|
||||
then another: "me t0o!!!"
|
||||
|
||||
"me ToO!!!#!"
|
||||
|
||||
"mE tO0!/$%?$/"
|
||||
|
||||
"oh my god," the evil assistant said. "i think we fucked up."
|
||||
|
||||
"mE t0O!#!$!|%/!$/!$%/%?/$" the whole crowd of mogels responded,
|
||||
as they left the room & took over the universe & the state of delaware.
|
||||
|
||||
next episode: the MOGELs vs. the NYBARs!
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications & metalchick. HoE 103 - written by eerie - 6/11/97 *
|
||||
100
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0104.txt
Normal file
100
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0104.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,100 @@
|
||||
|
||||
-|- the hogs of entropy -|-
|
||||
|
||||
-|- "text files to read with soup." -|-
|
||||
_
|
||||
/' /' `\
|
||||
/' /' )
|
||||
moo. oink. /'__ /' /' ____ issue
|
||||
/' ) /' /' /' ) -104-
|
||||
/' /' /' /' /(___,/'
|
||||
/' /(__ (_____,/' (________
|
||||
|
||||
>> "SCREW" <<
|
||||
by -> trilobyte
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
excited by the possibilities, happy young rob was known as bob by his
|
||||
friends and fag by his enemies.
|
||||
|
||||
little did they know, he had tabs on everyone, and when they
|
||||
weren't looking, he defecated into his hand and wiped it on their house.
|
||||
he wasn't really gay, you see. rather, he was bisexual -- and ran a booth
|
||||
at the flea market where he sold blankets and bolts and things that people
|
||||
didn't want to buy. until he bought the door, then they got mad and
|
||||
yelled at him
|
||||
|
||||
fag
|
||||
|
||||
and then he ran out of it and went to get more.
|
||||
they said
|
||||
|
||||
there is none, man, shit
|
||||
|
||||
and he looked and looked and looked very ugly at the time, confusing
|
||||
the reader and he liked to swim. bob, his name, ate fish at night on
|
||||
certain occasions when his grandmother came over the hill to his cabin in
|
||||
the woods. it was adjacent to the garage of his cabin, which came in
|
||||
handy when people brought automobiles to his cabin. bob's wooden cabin
|
||||
was stately and the large breasted women in the suburb where his cabin
|
||||
lived degraded bob and his children for being
|
||||
|
||||
fag
|
||||
|
||||
even though really he lived in the woods and had the upper hand on
|
||||
them all. and he didn't even have any children, so he just whooped their
|
||||
asses in parcheesi and gin rummy and other card games. the number five
|
||||
played a large part in his worldly conquests, causing him to eat more fish
|
||||
than his grandmother could assemble in her five hour workshift at the
|
||||
store. she was getting old hat, blue, please, in the box. no, the other
|
||||
one. on the top shelf. thanks.
|
||||
|
||||
christmas time came and the cabin was full of tea, warm to the touch
|
||||
and tasty to the tongue. spelling was not bob's forte, as his daughter
|
||||
could tell you, if he had one, which he doesn't, so changing case won't
|
||||
help you now. fart. or don't, for as the calling comes, we all shall
|
||||
live in the world of our lord his god and the goat with the ghost in the
|
||||
box in the head on the table in the place they like to call heaven or hell
|
||||
or one of the afterlife places. or so felt bob, he thought, when he was
|
||||
alone in his cabin with his grandmother and sons. he had three sons until
|
||||
he realized he had none and then he had no sons anymore. but.
|
||||
|
||||
bob's gate kept people in and out as he pleased to have them. if he
|
||||
was not pleased to have them, he took the utmost care to make sure that
|
||||
the gate was closed so that the person could not come in. because
|
||||
unenjoyable circumstances were not things that bob enjoyed putting up
|
||||
with, not with lots of hair on his head that needed to be cut badly. bad
|
||||
haircuts were not something that bob liked, since he was gay, and had to
|
||||
keep his hair looking nice so that he could convince people that he wasn't
|
||||
gay, even though he isn't. but he ain't. and so am i, said he, after
|
||||
climbing to the top of the tall thing, looking down on creation and he
|
||||
really really liked to sing that song. thinking of the old baseball card
|
||||
shop in the ghetto made him realize his wealth and power in modern
|
||||
society, and his calling to baptize all young chastized women into the
|
||||
church of the holy harpoon that killed dozens of whales in the days of
|
||||
whale-harpooning. must be worshipped, me, now, thanks, thought bob, or
|
||||
tom, as his senile uncle sometimes called him but yes. i do agree
|
||||
sometimes, depending on the time of day and week i am. not feeling good,
|
||||
said she, eating crescent rolls on ends of wheat and rye toast butter
|
||||
jelly food. broad road is tread often, but only on the way, the right
|
||||
way, the way to the gate to heaven. lots of flashing lights, people
|
||||
standing on words that can't describe the way i'm hooked on a feelin'.
|
||||
|
||||
i yelled and scratched my head vigorously until i got sick of
|
||||
doing so and then i decided to yelp at the dog who was eating my food.
|
||||
"stop eating my food", i quoted from the story. dog left with his scarf,
|
||||
it was cold outside, very cold. bundle up. so.
|
||||
|
||||
no reason at all is why he built his cabin in the woods to get away
|
||||
from his grandmother who came to visit him and his daughter's fish in time
|
||||
for the spelling bee, but she had to be home in time for her fivehour
|
||||
workshift at the store because she had to pay off her automobile which was
|
||||
sitting in bob's garage. so, really, we all believe bob is a
|
||||
|
||||
fag.
|
||||
|
||||
no doubt.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #104 -> written by trilobyte -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
147
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147
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@@ -0,0 +1,147 @@
|
||||
__ ___
|
||||
| |--.-----.-----.-----. .-----.' _|
|
||||
| | _ | _ |__ --| | _ | _|
|
||||
|__|__|_____|___ |_____| |_____|__|
|
||||
|_____|
|
||||
__ hogs of entropy
|
||||
.-----.-----.| |_.----.-----.-----.--.--.
|
||||
| -__| || _| _| _ | _ | | |
|
||||
|_____|__|__||____|__| |_____| __|___ |
|
||||
issue #105 |__| |_____|
|
||||
|
||||
>> "nobody loves me" <<
|
||||
by -> eerie
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
<mike1> so, whassup wit kate?
|
||||
<_blue_> dude we spent the last nite msging n stuff.. i guess somethin's
|
||||
goingon..
|
||||
<mike1> haha awesome, she's hot
|
||||
<_blue_> yeah
|
||||
<_blue_> she's smart too... :)
|
||||
<mike1> word
|
||||
<mike1> jeez
|
||||
<mike1> life sucks
|
||||
<mike1> and like pamela keeps acting like a bitch
|
||||
*** Dang has joined channel #angst
|
||||
<Dang> SuP!!
|
||||
*** Mode changed +o Dang on channel #angst by angstbot
|
||||
<mike1> hey dang
|
||||
<_blue_> dang!
|
||||
<Dang> Yo i was in #rave, that kid Bllunt is gettin annoying as fuck
|
||||
<mike1> haha
|
||||
<mike1> #rave sucks
|
||||
<Dang> So like, that nigs gets opd and he just took over the channel
|
||||
<_blue_> anyway mike1 i'm gonna chat with her tonight most hopefully
|
||||
<Dang> Fuck, I'm gonna permaban him
|
||||
<mike1> blunt is dumb
|
||||
<mike1> blue - cool
|
||||
*** veruca has joined channel #angst
|
||||
<_blue_> veruca!!
|
||||
<veruca> hehe
|
||||
<veruca> hi blue!!!:)
|
||||
<Dang> VerucA!!!
|
||||
<veruca> heydang !! hehe
|
||||
<veruca> oops ehhe
|
||||
<veruca> :0
|
||||
<mike1> veruca is drunk
|
||||
<veruca> hehe
|
||||
*** BAM has joined channel #angst
|
||||
<BAM> SCHIZOPHRENIA IS A CONSPIRACY
|
||||
*** Mode changed +b BAM on channel #angst by mike1
|
||||
*** BAM has been kicked off channel #angst by mike1 (keep your paranoid shit
|
||||
out of this channel)
|
||||
<Dang> BAM is a fucknut...
|
||||
<mike1> [BAM] you're so smart, mike1.
|
||||
<mike1> my, thanks
|
||||
<jammy> bam is one funny fellow.
|
||||
*** jammy is back -- Away 32 minutes 13 seconds.
|
||||
<veruca> bam/???
|
||||
<veruca> i'm lagged
|
||||
*** veruca has left IRC (Changing Servers)
|
||||
<jammy> anyway, how is everyone doing?
|
||||
<mike1> [BAM] tell me when you grow up & stop being so easily impressed.
|
||||
<jammy> so mike1, i hear pamela keeps acting like a bitch?
|
||||
<mike1> ahhaha
|
||||
<mike1> uh, jammy, is that any of your business?
|
||||
<mike1> [BAM] #angst is full of idiotic kiddies anyway. no wonder why i
|
||||
spend so much time alleviating my boredom there, don't you think?
|
||||
<jammy> everything is my business, mike1!
|
||||
<jammy> i mean, you seem to be so fond of telling everyone about every
|
||||
pathetic aspect of your life
|
||||
*** _blue_ is away -- Automatically set away.
|
||||
<mike1> just shut up, jammy.
|
||||
<mike1> [BAM] you're all pathetic.
|
||||
*** pamela has joined channel #angst
|
||||
<Dang> Pamela!!!! :}
|
||||
<mike1> hey pamela
|
||||
<pamela> hey
|
||||
<jammy> pamela, i hear you keep acting like a bitch
|
||||
*** Mode changed +b jammy on channel #angst by mike1
|
||||
*** jammy has been kicked off channel #angst by mike1 (make us both a favor
|
||||
and grow up)
|
||||
<pamela> uh?
|
||||
<mike1> i'm getting overly sick of jammy lately
|
||||
*** Mode changed -b jammy on channel #angst by Dang
|
||||
<mike1> dang, what the fuck
|
||||
*** jammy has joined channel #angst
|
||||
<jammy> bahaha
|
||||
*** Mode changed -o Dang on channel #angst by mike1
|
||||
*** Mode changed +b jammy on channel #angst by mike1
|
||||
*** jammy has been kicked off channel #angst by mike1 (enough, alright?)
|
||||
<Dang> Fuck u mike1......
|
||||
<pamela> what's going on here??!
|
||||
<pamela> [jammy] your cyberboyfriend loves me!
|
||||
<mike1> he's just acting reall stupid for no reason
|
||||
<mike1> just nevermin that
|
||||
<mike1> how you doin?
|
||||
*** kate_ has joined channel #angst
|
||||
<pamela> im ok
|
||||
<kate_> Hey!!!!!!
|
||||
<Dang> kate!!!!!!!
|
||||
<kate_> Hey Dang!!
|
||||
*** _blue_ is back -- Away 10 minutes 54 seconds.
|
||||
<_blue_> kate!1
|
||||
<kate_> Blue!!how r u!??
|
||||
<pamela> [jammy] since you're redirecting this to the channel, let me say
|
||||
that mike1 is ONE LOVABLE FELLOW
|
||||
<pamela> huh??
|
||||
<mike1> wtf..
|
||||
<_blue_> kate>ive been at school all day..boring classes,math an shit
|
||||
<_blue_> d/cc chat kate_
|
||||
<_blue_> oops
|
||||
<pamela> [jammy] did he tell you about emily yet? probably not, i'd expect.
|
||||
<pamela> what's that?
|
||||
<mike1> oh, what a motherfucker
|
||||
<pamela> mike, mind telling me what's going on?
|
||||
<mike1> it's just some girl i know, that's all...
|
||||
<pamela> what do you mean know??!
|
||||
<Dang> YA1!! GoT ops back in #rave!!!1
|
||||
*** Dang has left channel #angst
|
||||
<mike1> i mean as a friend, what do you think?!
|
||||
<pamela> [jammy] i heard they had some fun together at the party at harry's!
|
||||
<pamela> MIKE!!
|
||||
<pamela> mike, WHAT is going ON?!?
|
||||
<pamela> [jammy] i hear it was a bit more than holding hands, but what do i
|
||||
know!
|
||||
<pamela> ....
|
||||
<pamela> [jammy] i'm sure he'll tell you all about it if you ask nicely!!!
|
||||
<mike1> why don't you answer to my msgs?!
|
||||
<pamela> i don't want you to hide!! answer me!!!
|
||||
<mike1> HE'S JUST LYING! he's a FUCKNUT!
|
||||
<pamela> i thought you CARED!!
|
||||
<mike1> why do you even listen to him in the first place?!?!
|
||||
*** pamela has left channel #angst
|
||||
<mike1> i mean, he's a bastard
|
||||
<mike1> oh, wtf
|
||||
<_blue_> hehe yeah theyre pretty wack at times
|
||||
<_blue_> oops wrong window
|
||||
*** veruca has joined channel #angst
|
||||
<veruca> finaly an unlagd server!!!
|
||||
<veruca> Hey mike1!!1
|
||||
*** mike1 has left IRC (whatever)
|
||||
<veruca> uhh shit
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications & metalchick. HoE 105 - written by eerie - 6/11/97 *
|
||||
340
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0106.txt
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340
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Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,340 @@
|
||||
|
||||
@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@ @@@
|
||||
@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@ @@@
|
||||
@@! @@! @@@ @@! @@@@ @@! @@!
|
||||
!@! !@! @!@ !@! @!@!@ !@! !@!
|
||||
!!@ @!@!@!@! @!@ @! !@! @!!!:! !!@
|
||||
!!! !!!@!!!! !@!!! !!! !!!!!: !!!
|
||||
!!: !!: !!! !!:! !!! !!: !!:
|
||||
:!: :!: !:! :!: !:! :!: :!:
|
||||
:: :: ::: ::::::: :: :: :::: ::
|
||||
: : : : : : : : : :: :: :
|
||||
|
||||
(--) hogs of entropy - issue #106 (--)
|
||||
|
||||
the computer underground's source for top-notch essays for
|
||||
school presents one of kaia's friends in a special & informative
|
||||
report written for a college class!!!
|
||||
|
||||
>> "the triangle" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> eric keebler
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
The triangle (-Eng, Fr: TRIANGLE; It: TRIANGOLO; Ger.: TRIANGEL)
|
||||
is, unfortunately, is perhaps the most neglected of the percussion
|
||||
instruments; it is often overlooked by conductors, and given to
|
||||
less-skilled players because it is thought to be incredibly simple to
|
||||
play. However, the triangle "has, among experienced players, the
|
||||
reputation of being the most difficult of all the percussion
|
||||
instruments.." Its musical effects are not trifling, either; the French
|
||||
composer Widor said that "...when the orchestra would seem to have reached
|
||||
its maximum intensity, it suffices to add the Triangle, in order to
|
||||
convert red-heat into white-heat."
|
||||
|
||||
The triangle is an instrument found in many cultures. Medieval
|
||||
European triangles may have been the descendants of examples brought back
|
||||
from Arabian lands by the crusaders. Depictions of medieval triangles show
|
||||
a variety of shapes: some are equilateral (with either open or closed
|
||||
ends), others are trapezoidal, and still others are stirrup-shaped. Most
|
||||
examples also show an important difference from the modern triangle: there
|
||||
were rings around the bottom bar. (PICTURE) This gave the instrument a
|
||||
continuous, sistrum-like sound (the sistrum being a simple shaken
|
||||
instrument). For example, and illustrated encyclopedia made for Henry III
|
||||
of France shows a trapezoidal triangle with rings on the lower bar. There
|
||||
are also ringless examples, such as in the King W enceslaus IV Bible (late
|
||||
14th century) and in a mid-15th-century window in St. Mary's Church,
|
||||
Warwick, England, which shows a loop at the top of the triangle so that it
|
||||
could be hung on a finger. A triangle beater is always shown.
|
||||
|
||||
The triangle is known to have been used in religious ceremonies;
|
||||
we have as evidence numerous denunciations against their use, and also
|
||||
edicts every few years prohibiting them. Triangles were also used in
|
||||
secular music, such as in accompaniment of a pipe rings can be added to
|
||||
modern triangles to achieve the same effect; the rings should be made of
|
||||
metal of a slightly smaller diameter than the triangle metal. With care, a
|
||||
triangle can supposedly be bent open to add rings and will spring back
|
||||
into shape. Also, the softer the music is that the triangle will
|
||||
accompany, the fewer is the number of rings that should be added. In
|
||||
performance, the ringed triangle's best use is to strike on one beat per
|
||||
bar or phrase; it can also mark the beginning of each repetition or
|
||||
rhythmic phrase in an isorhythmic motet, and may be used to accent the
|
||||
first beat of faburden sections of carols
|
||||
|
||||
The triangle was one of the first purely metal percussion
|
||||
instruments to enter the modern orchestra: In 1710, one was used by the
|
||||
Hamburg Opera, and in 1717 two triangles were purchased for the Dresden
|
||||
Opera. The instrument continued to be used occasionally in operas in the
|
||||
early part of the 18th century In 1800, Boieldieu scored for two triangles
|
||||
(one high and one low) in his opera Le Calife de Bagdad. All this time,
|
||||
triangles still had rings; these rings did not disappear until the middle
|
||||
of the nineteenth century, by which time the triangle had become a
|
||||
full-fledged orchestral instrument.
|
||||
|
||||
A new wave of interest in the triangle was created by the
|
||||
phenomenon of Janissary music, which imitated the military music of the
|
||||
Ottoman Turks. (The triangle may have been a part of the Turkish
|
||||
"crescent", a decorated musical staff hung with bells.) Examples of such
|
||||
triangle use include Mozart's The Abduction from the Seraglio, Haydn's
|
||||
"Military"Symphony and Beethoven's 9th Symphony.
|
||||
|
||||
Notable later examples of later, ringless triangle use include
|
||||
Liszt's Piano Concerto in Eb (1853), in which the very prominent triangle
|
||||
part caused amusement among hostile critics, and the single triangle note
|
||||
which ends the second act of Wagner's Siegfried. The composer Berlioz
|
||||
created a list of what he would like to have in his dream orchestra; among
|
||||
the 467 instrumentalists were percussionists, including 6 triangles.
|
||||
|
||||
The triangle is found in other cultures as well. The Cajun
|
||||
triangle (PICTURE), descended from African triangles, is fabricated from
|
||||
the tines of an old horse-drawn hay rake. Triangles are also prominent in
|
||||
Greek folk music and Latin American music. In this country, there are some
|
||||
non-musical uses of the triangle: it is commonly used on American farms
|
||||
and ranches as a dinner bell. Also, one of the largest triangles can be
|
||||
found at the American War Cemetery, Epinal: it is 2'3" per side, and was
|
||||
used as a fire alert.
|
||||
|
||||
The acoustics of the triangle depend on such factors as the
|
||||
instrument's size, shape, and material. In general, larger triangles have
|
||||
a lower sound than smaller ones. This sound, however, is not a distinct
|
||||
pitch; indeed, a triangle that gives a specific note (such as a closed
|
||||
triangle will do) is a poor instrument, so it won't blend properly with an
|
||||
ensemble. Triangles are, as their name implies, usually triangular
|
||||
(generally equilateral but occasionally isoscoles). Today, pentangles are
|
||||
also a vailable (PICTURE). Triangles produce an astonishingly full
|
||||
sound-spectrum: one example I found had 39 tones between 700 and 15,500
|
||||
hertz, with 13 of prominent volume; the fundamental was one of the weaker
|
||||
tones. The use of a wooden stick enhances the fundamental and subdues the
|
||||
harmonics, resulting in a soft, mellow tone, while a thin, light metal
|
||||
beater enhances the upper partials, giving a light, silvery sound. Many
|
||||
instruments are made of hardened steel, such as the Grover Super-Overtone
|
||||
Triangles, which are made of a carbon steel alloy; this material causes
|
||||
the overtones of the instrument to remain constant throughout dynamic
|
||||
range. This triangle is available in 6" and 9" versions. The Grover Series
|
||||
II comes in three sizes: the 4" piccolo, the 5" concert, and the 7"
|
||||
symphonic models. These are made with a special cymbal alloy. (PICTURE).
|
||||
Bronze and iron triangles, in both smooth and hammered versions, are
|
||||
produced by the Choroi company. Aluminum triangles should be avoided
|
||||
because of their inferior tone. Zildjian produces a "spindle triangle"
|
||||
with tapering sides, so that a variety of tone colors can be produced;
|
||||
it's made from hardened steel.
|
||||
|
||||
The size of triangle to be used for a particular piece is largely
|
||||
left up to the percussionist. One suggestion I found stated that "a rather
|
||||
thick steel triangle 10 inches per side and 1/2-inch in diameter is the
|
||||
best all around choice"; another said that this would sound too "gongy,"
|
||||
and to use a 6" instead for a more characteristic sound. Smaller does not
|
||||
necessarily mean softer, and the higher frequencies of a smaller triangle
|
||||
can be heard better over the whole orchestra. A "normal" orchestral
|
||||
triangle is generally 6 1/2 to 7 inches on a side. Schools should have at
|
||||
least two triangles (5 and 7-inch models) while a serious player should
|
||||
have at least three: one small, one medium, and one large. For the
|
||||
beginning student, two recommended triangles are the Grover 6-inch
|
||||
Super-Overtone TR-6 and the Alan Abel Symphonic 6-inch; the latter is
|
||||
brighter and has fewer overtones.
|
||||
|
||||
Triangle beaters also deserve consideration. In general, players
|
||||
should have at least 3, and one matched set for rolls. It's even better to
|
||||
have a pair of each size. General-use beaters should be medium to heavy,
|
||||
since these produce a fuller sound; however, softer passages should be
|
||||
played with lighter beaters. Grover has standard beaters available in six
|
||||
weights (PICTURE), and also has a special tubular beater in 4 sizes
|
||||
(PICTURE) in which the beater face is isolated from the core shaft with a
|
||||
special rubber compound. Beaters recommended for beginning students are
|
||||
the Grover Alloy 303 TB-4 and the Grover Tubular TB-12, both Medium size.
|
||||
Some specialty beaters include tapered beaters, brass beaters (steel is
|
||||
normally used), wooden sticks, and cotton sticks (which can be replaced by
|
||||
a beater with a paper napkin wrapped around the top). One can also
|
||||
improvise by buying the "largest nails available" or similar materials at
|
||||
a hardware store; it is recommended that such homemade beaters be 9" in
|
||||
length.
|
||||
|
||||
Triangle technique involves a lot more than one might at first
|
||||
imagine. The triangle clip can be made from a wire clothes hanger and
|
||||
fishing line (PICTURE); others suggest using a violin gut A string, as
|
||||
cloth or ordinary string can prevent "true resonance" of the triangle.
|
||||
Also, a safety line is recommended to avoid an embarrassing crash if the
|
||||
string breaks! The triangle must not spin, and is held between shoulder
|
||||
and eye height, and may be lowered slightly during rolls. The open end of
|
||||
the triangle is on the player's left, unless the player is left-handed, in
|
||||
which case the opening is on the right. In general, the percussionist
|
||||
plays on the right portion of the bottom bar, or towards the top of the
|
||||
right bar; as the striking position is moved to the middle of the bar, the
|
||||
volume increases. The beater is held, with a relaxed grip, between the
|
||||
thumb and forefinger; relaxation is especially important during soft
|
||||
passages. Snare and timpani grips may be used according to the discretion
|
||||
of the performer and the nature of the passage. Before playing, lay the
|
||||
beater on the triangle to eliminate "missed" strokes; this is analogous to
|
||||
setting the hammer before driving a nail, and is especially important for
|
||||
soft beats. Strike at a 45 degree angle to get best tone; different
|
||||
effects can be produced by using a perpendicular attack. Finesse is
|
||||
essential: play as if touching an iron to see if it's hot, and play from
|
||||
the wrist. In general, one-beater playing is preferred because it allows
|
||||
the player to hold the instrument, providing a line of sight to conductor
|
||||
and giving better projection. Playing on the bottom bar yields lower
|
||||
overtones, while playing on the upper side gives higher overtones; thus,
|
||||
some play lighter passages on the side, and stronger ones on the bottom.
|
||||
For rhythmic patterns, clamp the triangle clip to a stand and use two
|
||||
beaters at the top corner or on the bottom in the middle. An example is
|
||||
found in Dvorak's New World Symphony, the triangle part of which should
|
||||
NOT be rolled, as poor articulation may result. For quick rhythmic
|
||||
figures, play on any two sides; the principal beats should fall on the
|
||||
side next to the opening. Light playing is done with the tip of the
|
||||
beater.
|
||||
|
||||
Triangle rolls, notated with a triangular note head or the marking
|
||||
"tr---", are played either on the bottom bar or on both sides at once; the
|
||||
closer to the middle of the side(s) in question, the louder the roll is.
|
||||
Single-beater rolls are played in the upper corner or sometimes the bottom
|
||||
corner; in the previous case, for a clean roll ending, the last note may
|
||||
be played on the bottom bar. Quadruple-forte rolls are played by moving
|
||||
the beater in a circular motion, but this is rare; Holst calls for this
|
||||
effect twice in The Planets. At the other end of the spectrum, a
|
||||
knitting-needle may be used for quiet rolls. Flams and ruffs are also
|
||||
possible. Rolls are terminated by muffling the triangle with the hand that
|
||||
is holding the clip.
|
||||
|
||||
The subject of muting the triangle needs some explanation. The use
|
||||
of a split finger grip that holds the clamp between 2nd and 3rd fingers
|
||||
allows the triangle to be grabbed to muffle the sound; in extreme cases, a
|
||||
cloth can be used. Never dampen the instrument except for a grand pause,
|
||||
or at the end of the piece where the rest of the ensemble is silent.
|
||||
Staccato notes are muffled immediately, but most notes are allowed to
|
||||
ring. Some African music is played with a muting technique in the left
|
||||
hand to produce rhythmic variations.
|
||||
|
||||
Sometimes triangle special effects are called for. In Stravinsky's
|
||||
Petrouchka (1911), a cymbal is hit with a metal stick, presumably a
|
||||
triangle beater. In the same composer's Rite of Spring, a gong is scraped
|
||||
with a triangle beater. And in Walton's "Facade," a cymbal is struck with
|
||||
a triangle!
|
||||
|
||||
Triangle care is fairly straightforward: put it on a padded music
|
||||
stand or in its clip when not in use, keep it dry to avoid rust, and store
|
||||
it flat to avoid bending.
|
||||
|
||||
One additional note to composers: write triangle parts with lower
|
||||
dynamics than those of the instruments it is accompanying, since it is all
|
||||
too easy to make the triangle sound like a fire-bell!
|
||||
|
||||
Now I will digress and discuss church-bell harmonics, for reasons
|
||||
that will soon become apparent. Church bells have five main harmonics:
|
||||
the hum note, the fundamental, the tierce (which is minor), the quint, and
|
||||
the nominal or octave. In addition, there are many upper partials; a large
|
||||
bell may have 10-100 of these, arrayed over several octaves. (SHOW
|
||||
PARTIALS) Bells must be tuned to adjust these partials after the bell is
|
||||
cast (SHOW TUNINGS). This is done by removing a small amount of metal from
|
||||
the inner surface at certain concentric zones that determine the pitches
|
||||
of specific partials; this process lowers the partial, so bells are cast
|
||||
sharp.
|
||||
|
||||
Church bells are occasionally called for in orchestral music,
|
||||
presenting the challenge of replicating, in a concert hall, the sound of a
|
||||
multiple-ton bell or bells. For example, Berlioz's Symphonie Fantastique
|
||||
calls for 2 bells, clearly church-bells (C and G); he suggested pianoforte
|
||||
as a substitute. Dalayrac calls for bells in his 1791 opera Camille,
|
||||
Cherubini calls for bells in the 1794 work Elisa. Rossini does so in the
|
||||
second act of William Tell, requesting a bell that plays a bottom line G
|
||||
on the bass clef staff. (In performance, it was never lower than G above
|
||||
treble clef staff, 3 octaves higher!!) Meyerbeer, in the 1836 work Les
|
||||
Huguenots, specifies bells sounding C and F on the bass clef staff to
|
||||
signal a massacre; bells were specially cast for the Paris Opera for the
|
||||
occasion. Tchaikovsky's 1812 overture includes a peal of bells, today
|
||||
played on an Eb scale of tubular bells; however, in the original score,
|
||||
only a tremolo sign is given, and an indication that the bells should be
|
||||
large and with no prevailing key. The work was intended for the
|
||||
consecration in 1882 of the Moscow Cathedral, which had real bells. The
|
||||
Sydney Orchestra bought two heavy and expensive bells, but they ring above
|
||||
middle-C, rendering them of little use. Today, the usual substitutes for
|
||||
church bells are tubular bells, bell plates, mushroom bells, electrically
|
||||
amplified metal bars, piano wires, and clock gongs; the bass tuba is
|
||||
sometimes used to support the sound.
|
||||
|
||||
Enter the alemba (an alembic is something that transforms or
|
||||
refines). (PICTURE) I first ran across a reference to this instrument
|
||||
while researching triangles in the RILM abstracts; reference was made to
|
||||
an article in the German periodical Neuland IV (1983-84) by Moya
|
||||
Henderson. The abstract read: "The author describes her construction of
|
||||
the alemba (an instrument consisting of a row of triangles) and her
|
||||
compositions for it." In 1976 she, as a graduate student, had been asked
|
||||
to write a piece for 27 triangles (various shapes, but similar pitches),
|
||||
and discovered that the addition of resonators resulted in the production
|
||||
of low frequencies. This discovery led to the quest for an instrument,
|
||||
containing many huge triangles, that could convincingly substitute for
|
||||
bells in orchestral works. For the past 18 years, the alemba has been
|
||||
undergoing development at the Division of Applied Physics of the CSIRO
|
||||
corporation in Australia. construction of a bass alemba revealed the
|
||||
problems of lowered upper partials, now audible and obtrusive; these were
|
||||
dubbed "feral frequencies". By changing the triangles' shape to something
|
||||
similar to the cross-section of a bell, moderate results were obtained;
|
||||
computer modeling perfected the design, which came to look like an unbent
|
||||
paper clip. The current electronically-amplified instrument has a range of
|
||||
E to E 1 1/2 octaves below middle C, and simulates the big bells needed at
|
||||
the finale of Puccini's opera Tosca, leading to the instrument's
|
||||
commercial name, "The Tosca Bells". An order was placed by Sir Charles
|
||||
Mackerras, and treble and bass alembas were used in performances of
|
||||
Janacek's Glagolytic Mass and Berlioz's Symphonie Fantastique. The current
|
||||
treble product has a range 2 1/2 chromatic octaves; each triangle is
|
||||
attached to a resonator tuned to the fundamental of the triangle. The
|
||||
octave and twelfth of each triangle is also tuned. The current challenge
|
||||
is the development of the bass version; as the pitch drops, so do the
|
||||
upper partials, which thus become more noticeably audible and need to be
|
||||
tuned. Hopefully the continued development of the triangle-derived alemba
|
||||
will at last yield a satisfactory way to bring the sound of church bells
|
||||
into the concert hall.
|
||||
|
||||
BIBLIOGRAPHY
|
||||
------------
|
||||
|
||||
Blades, James. Percussion Instruments and their History. Westport,
|
||||
Connecticut: The Bold Strummer, Ltd., 1992.
|
||||
|
||||
Blades, James and Jeremy Montagu. Early Percussion Instruments: from the
|
||||
Middle Ages to the Baroque. London: Oxford University Press, 1976, pp.
|
||||
11-14 and 45-46.
|
||||
|
||||
Brindle, Reginald Smith. Contemporary Percussion. London: Oxford
|
||||
University Press, 1970, pp. 78-80.
|
||||
|
||||
Montagu, Jeremy. Making Early Percussion Instruments. London: Oxford
|
||||
University Press, 1976, pp. 34- 36.
|
||||
|
||||
Percussion Anthology: A Compendium of Articles from The Instrumentalist in
|
||||
Percussion Instruments. Evanston, Illinois: The Instrumentalist Co., 1980,
|
||||
pp. 63, 151, 258-259, and 329-332.
|
||||
|
||||
Randel, Don Michael, ed. The New Harvard Dictionary of Music. Cambridge,
|
||||
Mass.: The Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, 1980, p. 869.
|
||||
|
||||
Sadie, Stanley, ed. The New Grove Dictionary of Music and Musicians.
|
||||
London: Macmillan Publishers Ltd., 1980, v. 19 (triangle) and v. 2
|
||||
(bells).
|
||||
|
||||
INTERNET REFERENCES
|
||||
-------------------
|
||||
|
||||
PRODUCTS:
|
||||
|
||||
http://otto.cmr.fsu.edu/~bula_jo/percussion/mallets.html
|
||||
http://www.choroi.com/choroi/instmnts/triang.htm
|
||||
http://www.mhs.mendocino.k12.ca.us/MenComNet/Business/Retail/Larknet/Percussion
|
||||
http://www.mhs.mendocino.k12.ca.us/MenComNet/Business/Retail/Larknet/AfroAmerPercussion
|
||||
http://www.tiac.net/users/grover/pro.htm
|
||||
http://www.tiac.net/users/grover/series2.htm
|
||||
|
||||
TECHNIQUE:
|
||||
|
||||
http://otto.cmr.fsu.edu/~bula_jo/percussion/acces.html#triangle
|
||||
http://www.cfw.com/~raybould/triangle.html
|
||||
|
||||
BELLS:
|
||||
|
||||
http://www.cs.yale.edu/users/douglas-craig/bells/Basic/tuning.html
|
||||
|
||||
ALEMBA:
|
||||
|
||||
http://www.dap.csiro.au/Interest/Rap/alemba.html#Alemba
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #106 -> written by eric keebler -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
271
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0107.txt
Normal file
271
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0107.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,271 @@
|
||||
|
||||
do you miss that feeling of oldschool stupid & silly text files...?
|
||||
|
||||
well, dem HOGS 'of' ENTROPY present...
|
||||
|
||||
oooo .oooo.
|
||||
.dP .dP `888 d8P'`Y8b Yb Yb
|
||||
.dP .dP 888 .oo. 888 888 .ooooo. `Yb `Yb
|
||||
<< dP_____dP_________888P"Y88b__888____888_d88'_`88b_______`Yb____`Yb >>
|
||||
<< Yb~~~~~Yb~~~~~~~~~888~~~888~~888~~~~888~888ooo888~~~~~~~.dP~~~~.dP >>
|
||||
`Yb `Yb 888 888 `88b d88' 888 .o .dP .dP
|
||||
`Yb `Yb o888o o888o `Y8bd8P' `Y8bod8P' dP dP
|
||||
|
||||
- -> #107 <- -
|
||||
|
||||
>> ao, li-fo #7 <<
|
||||
by -> food
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
ACT ONE: AO LI FO ENTERS THE DUNGEONS OF DOOM
|
||||
Act one, scene one;
|
||||
|
||||
Enter Satan;
|
||||
Satan: Hahahaa. Soon, I shall rule the world. But first, I must destroy that
|
||||
pesky Ao Li-Fo! A curse upon the house of Ao! Ahhh! But what do I say?
|
||||
I doth divide my own house. I am a fool for not being so careful!
|
||||
Still, this won't affect my future plans for Li Fo! Haaa! Hahaaaa!
|
||||
Hahahaha! Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha! hahahahaha-
|
||||
|
||||
enter daemon;
|
||||
daemon: Lord High Satan Sir!
|
||||
Satan: Shut up you fool! I was in the middle of laughing! [strikes down the
|
||||
daemon with a bolt of lightning]. Now, where was i.. Oh yes.. Hahaha!
|
||||
Haaaa hahahaha!
|
||||
enter second daemon;
|
||||
Satan: Hahaha! Haaaaaaa! [peers at daemon] Haa-haaaaa! [begins to look
|
||||
disgusted] Haaaahahahaa! [gives up] Oh bother! I suppose I must
|
||||
get back to being evil now... What is it!
|
||||
|
||||
second daemon: Lord High Satan! Ao Li-Fo enters the first gate!
|
||||
|
||||
-----
|
||||
|
||||
Act One, scene two
|
||||
enter Ao Li-Fo, dog.
|
||||
|
||||
Li-Fo: Hey, spuds.. what's that noise?
|
||||
Spuds: Arf!
|
||||
Li-fo: Shhh! I think I here some snorting!
|
||||
enter orc;
|
||||
orc: Hey you stupid fucking bastard! I want your fucking dog for supper!
|
||||
Li-Fo: Hey! You can't talk to my dog like that!
|
||||
Spuds: Awoooo!
|
||||
Li-Fo: Get 'em, spuds!
|
||||
[Spuds leaps thirty feet and sinks teeth deep into orc's neck. Orc dies.]
|
||||
Li-Fo: Clean kill, spuds. Spuds? Oh, spuds! Thou hast died from a rotted orc
|
||||
corpse! What now, shall I do in times of trouble? How may I go forth
|
||||
alone and kill the monsters and the dungeon denizens save tame and
|
||||
peaceful creatures, for though I am neutral I feel a tinge of lawful
|
||||
stirring within me! Cao! Cao4 ni3de ma! [cries at the foot of spuds].
|
||||
Enter Satan;
|
||||
Satan: I killed your dog, you stupid fool!
|
||||
Li-Fo: [looking up] Oh no, it's satan!
|
||||
Satan: Yes, that's right, it's me, i'm the prince of darkness! Hahahaha!
|
||||
Haaahaha! Hahahaaaaaahahaha--oof!
|
||||
[Li-Fo punches Satan in the stomach and runs through a door to the east.]
|
||||
Li-Fo: Damn, that was close! I've got to find some stairs down before the
|
||||
prince of darkness catches me! [jams a spike into the door behind him]
|
||||
Ahh! I must run faster. Finally, stairs! [Li-Fo escapes downstairs.]
|
||||
|
||||
-----
|
||||
|
||||
ACT TWO: AO LI-FO DISCOVERS FORT LUDIOS
|
||||
Act Two, Scene One;
|
||||
|
||||
Enter Ao Li-Fo, gelatinous cube.
|
||||
Cube: Gurrgle snort bork snort!
|
||||
Li-Fo: Oh my! It's a giant cube of quivering gelatin!
|
||||
Cube: [moving towards the sound of Li-Fo] Snarrrrcckkkoink! Snort borglesnort!
|
||||
Li-Fo: Ahhhhh!
|
||||
Cube: Gooorglesnorgsnort!
|
||||
Li-Fo: Hiiiiii yaaaaaaaaaa! [cleaves cube in two] Oh no, what terrible trick
|
||||
of the three sisters be this! In impudent haste have I doubled the deep
|
||||
dungeon's danger? These carniverous cubes of giant jelly which snortle
|
||||
snorgle banal before me are too much to bear, and my Shen Jian seems
|
||||
suddenly a copper tinted steel now, is it rusted? Ahh, but no, even
|
||||
though it may turn time tamed trust and rust red, it shall unfailingly
|
||||
unrust, for it also graciously grants gifts of intrinsic regeneration!
|
||||
Yes, rapid regeneration and resistance to Gelatinous cubes! Yes, rapid
|
||||
regeneration, resistance to gelatinous cubes, and hunger aversion-
|
||||
Narrator: Don't push it. You have increased healing, count your lucky stars.
|
||||
Li-Fo: Who said that? [silence]
|
||||
Cube 1: Snoooort!
|
||||
[exit Cube 2]
|
||||
Li-Fo: Oh my god, it's digesting my foot! [struggles to remove foot from cube]
|
||||
Hi-yahh! Hiiii ya! Chop! Slice! [cuts loose from cube] Yuch! eesh!
|
||||
[wipes foot on door to get rid of slime] I'm getting out of here!
|
||||
[Li-Fo jumps to the side to escape cube and hits a teleportation trap]
|
||||
Ahh! What strange and magical place is this! So many golden coins!
|
||||
There is a fortune here, but wait, am I trapped inside of this small
|
||||
20 by 20 room with an 8 foot high ceiling and stone walls, ceiling and
|
||||
floor that seem to be cut from the inside of a single stone? How was
|
||||
this place created? What will become of me and my magical coins? Oh
|
||||
wait, there seems to be something strange about that pile of coins over
|
||||
there... [moves to pile] I wonder wha--[hits a level teleporter]
|
||||
My word! [Li-Fo gazes upon fort Ludios] It certainly looks imposing!
|
||||
I wonder what it is? I shall climb down this wall and investigate, and
|
||||
oh, is that a fountain I spy?
|
||||
|
||||
-----
|
||||
|
||||
ACT THREE: AO LI-FO DECENDS INTO GEHENNOM
|
||||
Act Three, Scene One;
|
||||
|
||||
Enter Satan and three daemons;
|
||||
daemon 1: Master, you sure showed him!
|
||||
daemon 2: Yeah, Heheheh
|
||||
Satan: Shut up.
|
||||
daemon 3: Hehehehh.
|
||||
daemon 2: Heheh hahaha
|
||||
daemon 3: haaahahahahaa!
|
||||
Satan: [fries daemon 3 with a bolt of fire] I said shut up! Oh, the pressures
|
||||
and perils of being an entity, bear down upon my dark heart! I lust for
|
||||
the days of my youth, yes, my youth, when I was a young lad, burning
|
||||
up the dance floor, and the dancers.. Inciting riots, and causing
|
||||
ruckussesses..
|
||||
daemon 2: Rucki, sir.
|
||||
Satan: Fuuuck yoouu! [fries daemon two with a bolt of lightning] Fuuuuuckk
|
||||
yoou aaass hooooollleee! [daemon 2 is burned to a crisp]. Don't ever
|
||||
correct me! I am god, I win, and if I say ruckussess, I mean ruckusses!
|
||||
daemon: Sir, did you feel that?
|
||||
Satan: Feel what?
|
||||
daemon: There was a tremble in the ground...
|
||||
Satan: Oh no! That must mean he's found the fountain!
|
||||
daemon: Oh no sir, not the fountain!
|
||||
Satan: Yes, the fountain you fool!
|
||||
daemon: yes master, yes, yes, the fountain! call me a fool again!
|
||||
Satan: You fool, you crazy fool you!
|
||||
daemon: thank you sir!
|
||||
Satan: You're welcome.. Oh.. wait, did you feel that?
|
||||
daemon: Feel what, sir?
|
||||
Satan: I felt the ground tremble.
|
||||
daemon: What do you suppose it was, sir?
|
||||
Satan: I'm not sure, uhmm.. Weren't we just talking about this?
|
||||
daemon: I don't think so. Well, I don't remember.
|
||||
Satan: Damn. Damn my forgetful memory, damn it all to hell!
|
||||
daemon: Permission to speak frankly sir.
|
||||
Satan: Permission granted.
|
||||
daemon: Can we have homosexual sex?
|
||||
Satan: Sure. Let's have homosexual sex right now. [with an expression of
|
||||
intense concentration, trying to remember what the tremble in the
|
||||
ground ment, Satan drops his pants and begins to slowly ass-fuck the
|
||||
daemon] Now what was that tremble supposed to mean... Ohh.. Yum.. Let
|
||||
me seeaaahh!! Oh yes, ahh, YES!!! Now I remember! No! No!
|
||||
Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!
|
||||
|
||||
-----
|
||||
|
||||
Act Three, Scene Two;
|
||||
Enter Ao Li-Fo, Satan, and daemon.
|
||||
|
||||
Li-Fo: I have found the fountain that sprang forth from the river Styxx!
|
||||
Satan: Fucking shit! Can't you see I am in the middle of some high quality
|
||||
ass sex here?
|
||||
Li-Fo: You are evil, that is plain. Now I will destroy thee, with my blessed
|
||||
Shen Jian!
|
||||
Satan: [withdrawing penis from the daemon's wet ass] You bastard, fight me
|
||||
like a real man, hand to hand!
|
||||
Li-Fo: [Dropping his sword, and putting up his dukes] Where I come from, we
|
||||
talk with these!! [making hands talk] Hey, can't we talk this over?
|
||||
Satan: You are such a god damn fuc--
|
||||
Li-Fo: ha! [Li-Fo reacts too quickly to be seen]
|
||||
Satan: Gasp! I never expected a blow from... the left side..... [dies]
|
||||
Li-Fo: That was close.
|
||||
daemon: Wail! Thou hast kilt my master, satan. This wasn't supposed to happen!
|
||||
Li-Fo: I am a powerful martial artist. I know Chinese Kung Fu!
|
||||
daemon: I'm telling on you! [exits]
|
||||
Li-Fo: What a dork. God i'm hungry. [eats corpse of Satan]
|
||||
enter God;
|
||||
God: Li-Fo! What the jesus christ fuck have you done! Oh shit, I swore!
|
||||
[God dissapears in a puff of logic]
|
||||
enter God;
|
||||
God: haha, you can't kill me with such a silly trick!
|
||||
Narrator: Oh shit. Not again
|
||||
God: Nyah nyah!
|
||||
Li-Fo: What the...
|
||||
[God exits]
|
||||
enter God.
|
||||
God: hey! You can't get rid of me so easil--
|
||||
[God exits]
|
||||
enter God.
|
||||
[God exits]
|
||||
enter God.
|
||||
[God exits]
|
||||
enter God.
|
||||
God: Fuck you!
|
||||
[God dissapears in a puff of logic].
|
||||
Li-Fo: This place is strange! I think that satan corpse must have been
|
||||
hallucinogenic!
|
||||
enter God;
|
||||
Li-Fo: What is it this time?
|
||||
Narrator: Don't pay any attention to him!
|
||||
Li-Fo: Who said that?
|
||||
God: I'm taking over here now! Hahahaha! Haaaahahahaha! HAHAHahaHAHHaahah!
|
||||
Li-Fo: I'm getting out of here! [runs away]
|
||||
God: You can't get away from me!
|
||||
Li-Fo: Oh no, i'm being chased by God! [hides around the corner]
|
||||
[God comes running around the corner and gets tripped by Li-Fo's foot]
|
||||
God: Oof!
|
||||
Li-Fo: Heheh, bet you didn't expect that! Now take this! [Li-Fo draws a frying
|
||||
pan and hits god over the head. Pan bends over God's head like a cowl
|
||||
and a profile of God's head can be seen set in metal. Pan vibrates.]
|
||||
[Li-Fo plants a hanging fist on god's exposed back! God reels!]
|
||||
[God gets up and throws a punch at Li Fo!]
|
||||
[Li-Fo outwardly blocks God and lets loose the tiger at God's throat!]
|
||||
[God grabs Li-Fo's wrist!]
|
||||
[Li-Fo places his hand at the base of his wrist and withdraws!]
|
||||
[God tries to punch Li-Fo!]
|
||||
[Li-Fo graps god's wrist and applies Basket fist to break God's right arm!]
|
||||
[God staggers back, and tries another left handed punch!]
|
||||
[Li-Fo subdues the dragon, dislocating God's right elbow!]
|
||||
[God screams in pain!]
|
||||
[God dissapears!]
|
||||
[Li-Fo stops hallucinating!]
|
||||
Li-Fo: Jeez. It was that stupid daemon! [eats daemon corpse] Nope, I don't
|
||||
think I am hallucinating anymore [looks at doors, walls, objects on
|
||||
floor] Nope. Now, time to get out of here! [reads a scroll of exit
|
||||
Ghehennom]
|
||||
|
||||
-----
|
||||
|
||||
ACT FOUR: AO LI-FO ESCAPES THE DUNGEONS OF DOOM
|
||||
Act Four, Scene One;
|
||||
|
||||
Enter Ao Li-Fo.
|
||||
|
||||
Li-Fo; Yes.
|
||||
You went to your reward with 3 points.
|
||||
Li-Fo: Three points? But I killed satan!
|
||||
You were supposed to let God do that.
|
||||
Li-Fo: But wouldn't he thank me?
|
||||
God, thank you? What for?
|
||||
Li-Fo: For killing satan!
|
||||
Oh my, someone killed satan?
|
||||
Li-Fo: Yes, I killed him. Stop being stupid!
|
||||
I'm not, you are. And that tie stinks.
|
||||
Li-Fo: What?
|
||||
I said that tie stinks. It doesen't go with your faded pall, they don't match.
|
||||
Li-Fo: But i'm not wearing a tie!
|
||||
You're not wearing a faded pall either! Ha! Hoist by his own petard!
|
||||
Li-Fo: But I am wearing a faded pall, they are known as elven cloaks.
|
||||
Oh, I forgot about that. Ok, 5 points.
|
||||
Li-Fo: 14
|
||||
14, are you crazy? People like you usually get only 3, and I am giving you 5!
|
||||
Li-Fo: Ok... 11 points.. Come on, I have to make the top 5!
|
||||
11? Jesus, you are insane. Look. I can give you 7. I don't have any more than
|
||||
that.
|
||||
Li-Fo: 9 points!
|
||||
Ok look. I'll give you 8, but I am going to get in trouble for this!!
|
||||
Li-Fo: ok, 8 points it is! Haha, sucker!
|
||||
|
||||
Game Over
|
||||
|
||||
Hahaha! That fool! He could have had 22 million Now I can keep all these
|
||||
points for myself! Haaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha!!
|
||||
|
||||
The End.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications & metalchick. HoE #107 - written by food - 6/11/97 *
|
||||
63
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0108.txt
Normal file
63
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0108.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,63 @@
|
||||
_ _ __ __ ___ _______ _ _
|
||||
/\| |/\ /\| |/\ | | | | / _ \ | ____| /\| |/\ /\| |/\
|
||||
\ ` ' / \ ` ' / | |__| | | | | | | |__ \ ` ' / \ ` ' /
|
||||
|_ moo _|_ moo _| | __ | | | | | | __| |_ moo _|_ moo _|
|
||||
/ , . \ / , . \ | | | | | |_| | | |____ / , . \ / , . \
|
||||
\/|_|\/ \/|_|\/ |__| |__| \___/ |_______| \/|_|\/ \/|_|\/
|
||||
|
||||
suck my squiggly tail. -108- oink you, sucker.
|
||||
|
||||
hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of
|
||||
entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy
|
||||
hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of
|
||||
entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy
|
||||
|
||||
>> "and you wonder" <<
|
||||
by -> aproh
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
this little gem was sent as a serious submission to dto
|
||||
productions. i cry. you enjoy.
|
||||
|
||||
- m0gel [dto@op.net]
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
"Anything you say can andbe used against you" these are my rights. This is
|
||||
what i was taught. That is all i see while i look through your narrow
|
||||
mind. And sometimes i sit in the dark and shiver and cry myself to
|
||||
sleep and think about being abused for all those years that stretch out
|
||||
into my life. And i can seill feel you inside me you fucking pig!!! And
|
||||
i can still feel myself struggle under you (a giant, me, a little
|
||||
girl). And i can still feel you rip off my clothes and tell me it was
|
||||
right and I NEVER BELIEVED YOU, NOT ONCE. and its dark in here as it
|
||||
was dark during those years, in your room under the covers and there's
|
||||
an emptyness in my mind where i try to forget and every time i tell the
|
||||
story i feel a little better like its not some sort of dirty secret i
|
||||
carry around with me like the chains of christmas past. and you WONDER
|
||||
WHY I DONT TRUST MEN AND YOU WONDER WHY I LOVE GIRLS AND NOT YOU AND
|
||||
YOU WONDER WHY WHEN I KISS YOU I CANT STOP, CANT SAY NO??? AND YOU
|
||||
WONDER WHY I LOCK MY CAR DOORS AND YOU FUCKING WONDER WHY I WONT SIT
|
||||
NEXT TO YOU AT THANKSGIVING DINNER??? I remember sitting with you on
|
||||
saturday mornings and watching monster trucks crush the cars underneath
|
||||
them and not i picture that was the story of my life and you were
|
||||
eating pork rhinds but that didnt even gross me out...what made me sick
|
||||
to my stomach was you: staring at me with that sick look and I DIDNT
|
||||
WANT YOU TO TOUCH ME AND I DIDNT WANT TO BE THERE BECAUSE I KNEW WHAT
|
||||
WAS COMING NEXT-OH GOD, I KNEW WHAT WAS NEXT. SO I'D SIT AND STARE AT
|
||||
THE CEILING AND LET YOU DO...LET YOU OVERCOME ME AND YOU WONDER WHY I
|
||||
DONT LIKE TO BE CONTROLLED?? and even though i dont, i try not to,
|
||||
remember, i do and i wonder if when you came inside me, did you feel
|
||||
like a man?? DID YOU FEEL LIKE A "BIG BOY"? WERE YOU HAPPY? DID IT MAKE
|
||||
YOU HAPPY THAT YOU HAD RUINED MY LIFE? DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER? OR ARE YOU
|
||||
SO FUCKED UP NOW THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER RAPING ME SO MANY TIMES?
|
||||
MY PARENTS DIDNT EVEN *KILL* YOU WHEN THEY FOUND OUT. IF I
|
||||
HAD BEEN BIGGER, OLDER, *STRONGER*, I WOULD HAVE DONT IT
|
||||
MYSELF...THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR RAPE!!! THERE IS NO EXCUSE TO VIOLATE
|
||||
ME ONCE, YOU HAD CONTROLLED MY BODY BUT NEVER AGAIN. YOU CONTROLLED MY
|
||||
MIND, MY SEXUALITY, MY BODY BUT NOW I AM RECOVERING. NOW I WILL SOON BE
|
||||
FREE. NOW MY BODY IS MINE...
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications & metalchick. HoE 108 - written by aproh - 6/11/97 *
|
||||
46
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0109.txt
Normal file
46
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0109.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,46 @@
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
|
||||
|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
|
||||
__ \:: _ \:: _ \ ::::::: >> "how to hack nasa with aol" << ::::::::::::
|
||||
: | | |: ( |: __/ :: a v/a/c/c/u/m informative report -> by jubjub ::::
|
||||
:_| |_|: \___/ : \___| :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
|
||||
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::-#109-::
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
ok, i know i'm gonna get flamed by the entire scene for giving
|
||||
away this information, but information wants to be free, god-fucking-damn
|
||||
it. this is is for all the real hackers out there on aol. the first
|
||||
thing you'll need are the right materials. i'm extremely drunk right now,
|
||||
by the way.
|
||||
|
||||
here's a list.
|
||||
|
||||
1, a computer
|
||||
2, an aol account
|
||||
3, jubjub's aohack v1.31337
|
||||
4, 20 shots of jim bean
|
||||
|
||||
ok, first thing, log on to aol, then run jubjub's aohack
|
||||
v1.31337[tm].
|
||||
|
||||
now drink the 20 shots of jim bean.
|
||||
|
||||
here's the complicated part. click on "hack nasa". here's a
|
||||
diagram of what that will look like.
|
||||
|
||||
___________________
|
||||
| rbr's aohack! | <---- (your computer) v1.31337
|
||||
| |
|
||||
| *hack nasa!@ |
|
||||
| ^------(clik on |
|
||||
| this@#!)|
|
||||
__|___________________|__
|
||||
| |
|
||||
|_________________________|
|
||||
|
||||
congratulations, you have just hacked nasa with aol.
|
||||
|
||||
now go puke.
|
||||
|
||||
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications & metalchick. HoE 109 - written by jubjub - 6/11/97 *
|
||||
414
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0110.txt
Normal file
414
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0110.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,414 @@
|
||||
|
||||
`"8a 88 ,a8888a, a8"'
|
||||
"8a 88 ,8P"' `"Y8, "moo." a8"
|
||||
"8a 88 ,8P h0gz Y8, a8"
|
||||
"8a 88,dPPYba, 88 -of- 88 ,adPPYba, a8"
|
||||
"oink." a8" 88P' "8a 88 entr0py 88 a8P_____88 "8a
|
||||
a8" 88 88 `8b #110 d8' 8PP""""""" "8a
|
||||
a8" 88 88 `8ba, ,ad8' "8b, ,aa "8a
|
||||
.a8" 88 88 "Y8888P" `"Ybbd8"' "8a.
|
||||
|
||||
>> "an informative reply to mogel's 'a guide to modern love on the <<
|
||||
>> information superhighway' from dto #5 without any stupid inside <<
|
||||
>> jokes -- and this has no quotes by guido sanchez!" <<
|
||||
|
||||
a dialog by -> jamesy & murmur
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: Ok, Truth.
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: Where does infatuation end and love begin?
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: you can't fucking ask that! it doesn't make any sense! that's
|
||||
not how you play truth and dare, you're supposed to ask personal
|
||||
questions.
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: When did your relationship with Rachel advance beyond mere
|
||||
infatuation? NO WAIT, not WHEN, HOW?
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: Don't you just wanna know where we had sex the first time? oh
|
||||
well, nevermind. I think the main thing you need to understand
|
||||
about infatuation is that it quickly disappears. I mean, a new
|
||||
toy is only new for so long. Eventually, you need to either throw
|
||||
it in a box with your old toys, or find reason to keep it out on
|
||||
the desk next to your laptop and pictures of kathy ireland. when
|
||||
you're with someone for long enough, the excitement of being
|
||||
around them is really gone. it's not a bad thing, per se, that's
|
||||
just how things work. but you need to take the relationship
|
||||
further, otherwise it feels stale and begins to whither like your
|
||||
flaccid grandmother.
|
||||
|
||||
it's very important that relationships have a strong bond of
|
||||
friendship. if you don't enjoy just being with the person, it's
|
||||
going to be hard to get past infatuation. you eventually need to
|
||||
get to a point where you enjoy doing anything with the person, not
|
||||
just screwing around. although that's important, it's also
|
||||
important to simply enjoy the time with them.
|
||||
|
||||
now, HOW it happened is a much harder question to answer. my
|
||||
relationship with rachel matured after time. it wasn't easy; we
|
||||
had a lot of problems in the beginning. but we learned to trust
|
||||
each other just for the sake of trusting each other. well, i
|
||||
should rephrase that; SHE learned to trust me. i always trusted
|
||||
her, because she never did anything to break that trust. i,
|
||||
did, though, because i was an evil bastard back then. but, after
|
||||
being with someone for a while and looking back and realising how
|
||||
important of a part of your life they are, that is when you get
|
||||
past infatuation. reflection, i guess. honest reflection,
|
||||
though. if you're not honest with yourself, it can become another
|
||||
form of infatuation.
|
||||
|
||||
did i just devalidate everything i just said? I can't tell.
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: That was, uh, scintillating. Seriously, though, I think the
|
||||
most meaningful comment was the last -- if infatuation really is
|
||||
a temporary thing, something that can't last, then once you take
|
||||
a look back and actually consider what's going on, you've got to
|
||||
recognize that the infatuation is being replaced by something
|
||||
else. What that something else is, though, might not be what you
|
||||
think.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: it might be a giant void, sucking at your inner being. i hate
|
||||
it when that happens. and apparently, it's happened 11 times in
|
||||
the computer underground. but, yes, i know what you mean.
|
||||
Infatuation can only last as long as you don't take the time out
|
||||
to reflect on what you're doing. However, as i stressed before,
|
||||
you can mindfuck yourself when you reflect. "this is so perfect
|
||||
for me!" might be a nightmare for the other person. you have to
|
||||
be honest with yourself and what you have in front of you. TRUTH
|
||||
OR DARE, MURMUR?
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: uh, yeah! er, truth.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: Have you ever had an experience where you felt love developed
|
||||
very quickly?
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: What do you mean by "very quickly"?
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: Like, within a very short period of time.
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: A week? A month? A year?
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: You can define "a very short period of time" for YOURSELF,
|
||||
ASSFACE.
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: uhhh, okay. hmmm. well, it's not like i can speak from all that
|
||||
much in the way of personal experience. i guess i'd have to say
|
||||
yes -- but only conditionally -- because i can really only claim
|
||||
to have seriously been in love once. i think we sort of knew
|
||||
each other for about a month and a half or so, then we started
|
||||
like, talking for about a month, and then we dated for three and
|
||||
a half months. these are, mind you, two people that haven't ever
|
||||
had a "significant other" before. by the time we broke up, i was
|
||||
in love. i don't even question that. and i guess that that
|
||||
might seem like a short period of time -- overall, it was really
|
||||
only about three to four months, i suppose, that it took me to
|
||||
come to this conclusion -- but i don't really know if that's a
|
||||
"very short period of time" or not. and since it was the first
|
||||
time, and since i was younger and stupider, i was really kind of
|
||||
in this stupid secondary dimension where i thought nothing could
|
||||
go wrong -- but i was nonetheless, from my vantage point in that
|
||||
dimension, very much in love. i was willing to let develop
|
||||
quickly. i wanted love to develop quickly. i had the romantic
|
||||
image that when you date you date on the expectation that it will
|
||||
be dating for life. and if the rest of your life begins today --
|
||||
then i wanna be in love for the rest of it. if that makes sense.
|
||||
uh, does that answer the question?
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: Sure. Do you think there's a difference between this fast and
|
||||
furious love you speak of and, say, the love a couple that have
|
||||
been married for 25 years have? how does love evolve? is it a
|
||||
flower, waiting to bloom, or a mutual stock that hits an
|
||||
unexpected boom?
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: as i explained to that girlfriend, basically, people have these
|
||||
buckets of love in their heads. these buckets are limitless;
|
||||
once you reach a certain level, you've reached love, and love
|
||||
just continues to grow and grow and grow. or it can recede. is
|
||||
there a difference between "fast and furious" love and the love
|
||||
of 25 years? sure. but at its very core, it's the same basic
|
||||
concept. love, of course, will be different from person to
|
||||
person, so it's difficult, quite arduous indeed, to attempt a
|
||||
generalization.
|
||||
|
||||
how does love evolve? love is like a stock market, i guess, as
|
||||
ridiculous as it sounds. well, i don't know. you said that
|
||||
infatuation carries with it a time limit; but i don't think
|
||||
that's necessarily true, really, when i stop and think about it.
|
||||
i truly believe that a couple can remain infatuated with one
|
||||
another for years and years and years, well beyond the point of
|
||||
having fallen in love, exactly. there are things that can damage
|
||||
love and there are things that can boost it -- people through
|
||||
"demonstrating" their love can really deeply impact their
|
||||
partner, or, people can do things like, say, kill their partner's
|
||||
father, and things like that may tend to undermine the love.
|
||||
|
||||
love really can be played out like a business in a lot of ways --
|
||||
but to me that may only be truly bad if you're talking about
|
||||
someone that would treat his or her business with anything less
|
||||
than a sincere amount of care for what they're doing. treating
|
||||
love like a cigarette company and treating love like a record
|
||||
store, therefore, are two different things. i think the one is
|
||||
sad, and the other can really be a good thing. please pardon the
|
||||
rather absurd analogies.
|
||||
|
||||
sometimes no matter how much love you put into a business -- no
|
||||
matter what you invest, time or money wise -- it collapses on
|
||||
you. it's the same thing with relationships. how many people
|
||||
are there that really wish they could have been happy with their
|
||||
spouse/fiancee/etc. but realized that there was just something
|
||||
missing, something they needed to find in someone else? there
|
||||
are so many different potential elements of love -- there's trust
|
||||
and there's respect, but then there are things like romance too
|
||||
-- just like there are a lot of potential factors in a business.
|
||||
the main thing is that you can't be mechanical when approaching
|
||||
either one. it's not about number crunching, it's about
|
||||
hunches, it's about aesthetics -- i'm not sure what you might
|
||||
call that when it comes to a business, but i think that might be
|
||||
the romance factor in a relationship.
|
||||
|
||||
there's also the problem of owning a mom and pop hardware store
|
||||
and then having menards pop up next door -- but, uh.. yeah.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: Infatuation certainly has a time limit in the framework of a
|
||||
_relationship_. that's what i was speaking of. of course, if
|
||||
you're not actually seeing someone, simply obsessed with them, you
|
||||
may very well end up obsessed with them all your life if you are
|
||||
never given the chance to do anything with them. but that usually
|
||||
doesn't happen, because the person being obsessed over is usually
|
||||
smart enough to totally ignore the obsessive one and get far, far
|
||||
away from them.
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: wait! that's not what i'm talking about! what about the concept
|
||||
of having a "twinkle in your eye"? isn't there a dose of
|
||||
infatuation in love? or what would you call that?
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: i don't think you can be infuated with someone you understand.
|
||||
if you understand the person, if you truly know them, there isn't
|
||||
something so mystical about them that is so alluring.
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: then what would you CALL the allure?
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: i wouldn't. when you love someone, you don't have a twinkle in
|
||||
your eye, unless you have floaters, and then you should probably
|
||||
see your doctor about high blood pressure. love is a continual
|
||||
flow of emotion and feeling between two people. if you see that
|
||||
as a "twinkle in the eye," maybe that's the physical
|
||||
representation of that concept that you envision.
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: "physical representation". well. hrm. okay. so, then, JAMES
|
||||
HETFIELD OF MILK & TEA, TRUTH OR DARE?
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: Dare!!!
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: damn you!! okay. uhm.. yeah! i dare you to SELL ME YOUR
|
||||
GIRLFRIEND!
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: what happens if you don't do a dare? do you remember?
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: uhh.. you lose.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: okay! i lose!
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: er, okay. i win!
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: TRUTH OR DARE, MURMUR? BEST TWO OUT OF THREE!
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: you bastard. fine. truth.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: name the capitol of the czech republic.
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: you spelled "capital" wrong. and it's Prague. truth or dare?
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: TROOF!
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: let's go back to "physical representation". how important a role
|
||||
does physicality play in your relationship? and from as
|
||||
objective a position as you can stand, why do you think this is
|
||||
good or bad?
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: in terms of a relationship, physicality is essential. it's part
|
||||
of the whole process. whether we like it or not, our little
|
||||
programs in our heads dictate the way we feel about potential
|
||||
mates. and sexuality is a sure-fire way of expressing these
|
||||
feelings. what would be the difference between a friendship and
|
||||
a relationship without physicality? there wouldn't be any. sex
|
||||
is what makes relationships a go-go.
|
||||
|
||||
i don't want to put a value judgement on whether or not sex is
|
||||
"good" or "bad." i've had very positive physical experiences as
|
||||
of late, so of course i'm going to say it's "good." but most
|
||||
people aren't as lucky as i am. it can be a very stressful
|
||||
thing. but, like any other part of a relationship, communication
|
||||
is the key. once you're honest to each other and open, it'll
|
||||
all work out. in this context, an open and honest one, sexuality
|
||||
is wonderful.
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: the question wasn't so much "is sex good or bad?" but rather more
|
||||
one of how it relates to other facets of the relationship. for
|
||||
many, the relationship begins with a kiss -- and sexuality is
|
||||
used as benchmarking for the progress of the relationship. of
|
||||
course, some people just bang the first night out, more or less
|
||||
disvalidating that concept. so, uhm, yeah, this isn't going
|
||||
anywhere.
|
||||
|
||||
oh, hell, i'll come up with something later. go on.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: sexuality is important because it is a non-verbal form of
|
||||
communication. there are so many ways to address the way you
|
||||
feel about someone through sexuality. granted, you may not be
|
||||
able to say, "are you hungry? let's go to steak and shake!" but,
|
||||
in terms of feelings, it's a reliable way to show you care about
|
||||
someone else. of course, you have to know what you're doing,
|
||||
and that's why you need to purchase my newest self-help novel,
|
||||
"zibble-zen and the art of body massage."
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: but of course. "chapter five: how to make jungle noises."
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: truth or dare, murmur?
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: truth!@#@!@#
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: tell us about your first sexual encounter, and how it paved the way
|
||||
for your six (count em, six) links on the sexchart?
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: "paved the way"? grrreat. define "first sexual encounter" for me
|
||||
so i know where to begin, then.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: the first time you got your nudies wet with another's saliva!
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: uh, i was in the wrong house in the wrong city in the wrong state
|
||||
with the wrong person at the wrong time. didn't seem like it
|
||||
then, granted, but, well, that's often how things work -- you
|
||||
just don't know what hole you've gotten yourself into.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: luckily, i can't say the same for me. i find myself continually
|
||||
in a state of euphoria about this wonderful incarnation of the
|
||||
next buddha i am currently with. but anyway. does the fact that
|
||||
your first sexual experience was in a fairly flawed relationship
|
||||
make you hesitate from being sexual again? do you view it in any
|
||||
different light because of past pain?
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: since i think i can better answer the question better from a
|
||||
broader perspective, i'll do that. do i hesitate from being
|
||||
sexual again? yes and no. it comes and goes in cycles. there
|
||||
are a couple of ways i suppose i'd put it -- no, if i had it all
|
||||
to do over again, i wouldn't do that the exact same way, that was
|
||||
really fucked up. but at the same time, i've been involved in
|
||||
pretty meaningless brief flings -- they never materialized into
|
||||
the aforementioned (as pixy might put it) cum guzzling -- and
|
||||
i've come away with mixed perceptions of that. i guess there's a
|
||||
few things at work here. the most successful relationship i've
|
||||
been in to date, that first one, was also the least sexually
|
||||
inclined. and the best way i can put my current stance is that i
|
||||
have my own limits right now but they're not all that limited.
|
||||
at the same time, however, that doesn't mean i'm out looking for
|
||||
all available hand jobs.
|
||||
|
||||
i think that being involved in some sexual sense with too many
|
||||
people can really cheapen things when you get involved with
|
||||
someone that you're actually really serious about and not just
|
||||
really horny about, yes. prior to the unfortunate transpirings
|
||||
of last spring (the wrong state scenario and so on) i was
|
||||
involved in this brief little fling that just this week the other
|
||||
person involved just flatly informed me was really a case of me
|
||||
being horny more than anything else. and she was right. and i
|
||||
really can't explain myself, and i really don't think i need to.
|
||||
i don't think i've done anything bad or wrong in that sense.
|
||||
i've done things i regret, but not on moral grounds. i regret
|
||||
them sort of in the same way i would regret having spent a dollar
|
||||
on a lottery ticket, or losing money at the kentucky derby. that
|
||||
kind of cheapens what i'm saying but it's not like i feel bad in
|
||||
the same way i would if, say, i'd hit you with a car and you
|
||||
couldn't walk anymore. does that make sense?
|
||||
|
||||
while at one end of the spectrum i wish i had a lot of stuff back
|
||||
because i think it would make me purer or more righteous for any
|
||||
woman present and/or future, i have to accept that if not for my
|
||||
past experiences, i wouldn't be here. fact is that the best
|
||||
relationship i had failed because i was inable to maintain it,
|
||||
mostly because i had no experience with what i was doing and got
|
||||
all stupid in the head.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: so, your basic word of advice to people is, "don't get all stupid
|
||||
in the head?" how would you define that in more specific terms?
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: well, that sounds kind of silly in and of itself. let me put it
|
||||
in vaguely more meaningful terms.
|
||||
|
||||
okay, see, there's sex. and sex can take place with someone you
|
||||
really really love or sex can take place with a two bit whore
|
||||
from decatur. now, you said that sexuality, physicality, is an
|
||||
important aspect of a relationship. well, i suppose i'm not
|
||||
enough of a gigolo to speak for it very well myself, but i can
|
||||
very clearly see using sex for sheer _physical_ gratification
|
||||
taking away very strongly from the employment of sex as a means
|
||||
of physical and _emotional_ gratification. screwing around with
|
||||
someone when all that matters to you is your cock is fine and
|
||||
dandy in and of itself, i suppose; but i don't think you can
|
||||
really very seriously do that and then go back and apply a whole
|
||||
lot of emotional meaning to it when it's become such an
|
||||
uber-physical act for you.
|
||||
|
||||
the problem is that i've brought myself to over-generalize so
|
||||
much at this point that i don't entirely believe what i'm saying
|
||||
in my own context. let me try to put things as they are for me.
|
||||
i've done a lot of stuff i'm not _proud_ of -- but it's not like
|
||||
you're supposed to take pride in it, necessarily. nonetheless,
|
||||
there are a lot of encounters i look back upon with far more
|
||||
positive inclinations than negative, and then there are those
|
||||
most specifically to the contrary.
|
||||
|
||||
sex for the hell of it, just general making out for the hell of
|
||||
it, to me seems like a really fucked up concept. and i speak
|
||||
somewhat from experience on that. i'm not talking about things
|
||||
like going to a party and without really specifically meaning to
|
||||
picking a chick up with a spatula -- because that's youth and
|
||||
frolic. i'm talking about things like going over to see a whore,
|
||||
someone you don't really like all that much, 'cause there's not
|
||||
much else to do. things like that really cheapen encounters
|
||||
you're going to have with people you really like and grow to
|
||||
care about -- if done repeatedly.
|
||||
|
||||
from where i'm standing right now, the only way i can really put
|
||||
it is that i'm not uptight about "doing more" most of the time,
|
||||
yet i'm quite content with whatever may happen. i sometimes tend
|
||||
to feel bad when i want more out of a situation than whoever i'm
|
||||
with, and i can't even entirely begin to explain that, but even
|
||||
while i say that -- there's no replacement for actually being
|
||||
with someone you really, really, really think is wonderful,
|
||||
someone who when you're done doing whatever you're doing you're
|
||||
more than willing to jump up and get into a good-natured argument
|
||||
or debate or scrabble game or whatever. none of liz phair's
|
||||
"fuck and run" for me, if you will. at least, that's the
|
||||
current mindset, and it's been known to change in the past.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: I can't believe we're talking about love and relationships to the
|
||||
tune of interstellar overdrive, but that's ok. here's my
|
||||
explanation. yes, you're completely correct. but there is a
|
||||
difference in the communication involved in a flip-and-fuck with
|
||||
someone and the communication involved with being with someone
|
||||
you care a lot about. one is a lot of groping and the other is
|
||||
much more sensual. although blind groping is relevant in
|
||||
meaningful relationships as well, that is not the way to
|
||||
communicate the way you feel about someone else to them.
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: well, one would hope that someone you care a lot about you don't
|
||||
just go blind groping about for after. something like that.
|
||||
|
||||
uh, who's turn? oh, yeah. JAMES HETFIELD OF OBL
|
||||
|
||||
oh christ, truth or dare?
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: DARE
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: bastard. i dare you to... DRINK THIS PITCHER OF HOT AND VERY
|
||||
BUBBLING LAVA!
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: okay!!! <drinks lava> AAHAGHGGHGHGH!GGGH!GH@#%^@@%$ <dies>
|
||||
|
||||
Murmur: oh dear.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #109 - written by jamesy & murmur - 6/11/97 *
|
||||
220
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0111.txt
Normal file
220
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0111.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,220 @@
|
||||
|
||||
moo. ** **** oink.
|
||||
/** *///**
|
||||
/** /* */* *****
|
||||
***** ***** /****** /* * /* **///** ***** *****
|
||||
///// ///// /**///** /** /* /******* ///// /////
|
||||
/** /** /* /* /**////
|
||||
/** /** / **** //****** hogs of entropy
|
||||
// // //// ////// issue #111
|
||||
|
||||
>> "the rise of the mogels, part two" <<
|
||||
by -> nybar
|
||||
|
||||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
>>-+ JURRASIC MOGEL 2: the lost mogels!!! +-<<
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------
|
||||
Mogel Island, 8:00
|
||||
----------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
a wealthy british family picnics on a small island they got to
|
||||
from their yacht. their daughter is being a bitch.
|
||||
|
||||
their daughter: "WHAWHAWHA! I'M A BITCH!"
|
||||
|
||||
The father: "FUCK!~@$# I"M A FUCKIN' ALCOHOLIC!@$ BEAT MY WIFE!
|
||||
YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH@!#$@!#$!@$"
|
||||
|
||||
The mother: "Honey... take this big carrot RUN LIKE HELL!!"
|
||||
|
||||
their daughter takes the carrot and starts skipping merrily off.
|
||||
the father CRACKS a whiskey bottle over his wifes head, and.. mad at her
|
||||
for wasting whiskey, kicks her in the <snicker> pelvic reigon <chortle>
|
||||
|
||||
Daughter: *skipping* "Tra-lalalalalala, tra-lalalalalala."
|
||||
|
||||
the daughter looks down, and, about the size of a mid sized rock,
|
||||
see's a full grown mogel.
|
||||
|
||||
Daughter: "Hey there cutey... how are you doin'?"
|
||||
|
||||
Mogel sniffs at the air, when he catches the carrots scent he
|
||||
drools and, fearful of taking on such a big 8 year old girl by himself,
|
||||
growls for his companions!
|
||||
|
||||
Mogel: "Growl!@"
|
||||
|
||||
lots of little mogels jump out of nowhere!
|
||||
|
||||
Daughter "MOMMEY DADDY, COME SEE THIS!! AIIiiIEEEEEEEE!#$_}#+#_%&"
|
||||
|
||||
the mogels are swarming over her big carrot, devouring it to
|
||||
shreds!!
|
||||
|
||||
Daughter: "Get off all of you little jewish bastards! GET OFF
|
||||
OF MY CARROT!$@!!"
|
||||
|
||||
the mother and father arrive.. and seem pretty indifferent to
|
||||
their daughters carrot... then the father hits the wife and she SCREAMS
|
||||
|
||||
------------------------------
|
||||
The mainland, somewhere in DE.
|
||||
------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
nybar walks along the street, and see's paranoid gay guy who wets
|
||||
himself and needs to get a job.
|
||||
|
||||
Cerkit: "Dewd! I saw you on TV! Yer that Jurrasic mogel guy!"
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "Wheet."
|
||||
|
||||
Cerkit: "NO! I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON! BWAHHH!!!"
|
||||
|
||||
a lightning bolt hits cerkit, and he catches fire and scapers
|
||||
around madly, then falls down an open manhole and dies. they throw his
|
||||
corpse out cause it's a *MAN* hole.
|
||||
|
||||
nybar walks inside a building that says "Jurrasic mogel insitute,
|
||||
goes upstairs and see's jubjub, who has a white haired wig on, and is in a
|
||||
sick bed with an IV next to him.
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "Umm... what's with the hair and the IV?"
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: "Trying to be true to the original movie, I'll lose em."
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "Elite, can I have em? I can sell em for like 500 times
|
||||
the retail to poor dewds."
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: "I get 10 per."
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "Deal!"
|
||||
|
||||
*they shake hands*
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: "Oh.. umm... go to mogel island."
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar (his voice filled with emotion): "I...... nearly... lost..
|
||||
a nice....salad... there.. BEFORRREEEEEE@!!$!@$!@$!@%&@!4"
|
||||
|
||||
a single tear rolls down nybar's cheek.
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: "Umm.. your stupid black kid is going to sneak there with
|
||||
you and I sent your cat already."
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "Ummm.. black kid?"
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: "Just trying to be true to the plot"
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "Whatever"
|
||||
|
||||
*THWIP*
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "ohhh.."
|
||||
|
||||
-------------------------------------------------
|
||||
Some crazy cuban dudes boat.. umm... like.. 12:00
|
||||
-------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "Where the fuck am I?!! I thought I was talking to
|
||||
jubjub!@$#@!$ I was going to reject his stupid offer and
|
||||
send froboy to get my cat.."
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: "I anticipated that, so I drugged you and crated you to
|
||||
this boat."
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "Now we're all going to this island full of 3 ft tall
|
||||
vegetarian predators... WHOOOO!!!"
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: "OH NO! I thought we would want to eat healthy so I
|
||||
only packed SALAD!!!"
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "This is exactly what happened the last time... we're
|
||||
DOOMED!"
|
||||
|
||||
Cuban dude: "Diablo!! Diablo! el es un oso!"
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "What'd he say?"
|
||||
|
||||
froboy jumps onscreen and says: "I dunno... but I wouldn't
|
||||
wanna live there!!"
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: "I believe he said this is the island of death where he
|
||||
and his cuban friend have lost several salad lunches to
|
||||
surly 4 ft tall vegetarin predators."
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "Um.. I think he said "Devil, Devil, it is a bear."
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: "Well.. I was close."
|
||||
|
||||
--------------------------------
|
||||
on the island.... umm.... today.
|
||||
--------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "I wonder where my cat is!"
|
||||
|
||||
nybar's Cat jumps onscreen and says: "So do I, but don't call
|
||||
me often!!!"
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "Um.. hi. So whats the purpose of this expedetion?"
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: "To Observe. It is imperative we preserve the natural
|
||||
balance! If even ONE MOGEL is killed it could be
|
||||
DISATEROUS!"
|
||||
|
||||
nybar jubjub and froboy looks out at exactly 100 4 ft tall
|
||||
mogels. nybar throws a carrot among the ranks and they all start fighting
|
||||
over it, until only one is left.
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub THINKS: "I can't take him anywhere."
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "well.. look over there! Cloning lab! lets just clone that
|
||||
one who's left and 100 times and we'll have 101!"
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: "Good idea! While your doing that, we'll set up a salad
|
||||
lunch."
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "OK!"
|
||||
|
||||
nybar walks into the lab with the mogel. he clones it 100 times.
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "Hmm... he would be happier if there were MORE mogels."
|
||||
|
||||
he clones it 5000 times... and then, despite his best efforts..
|
||||
they run outside.
|
||||
|
||||
-----
|
||||
|
||||
froboy takes a bite of his salad.
|
||||
|
||||
Froboy: "What's that pitter patter?"
|
||||
|
||||
nybar runs out of the lab and yells: "RUNNNN WITHHH THE
|
||||
SALLLLLLAAAADDDDSSSS!!!"
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: "YAHHHHHHHHH!@$!@)*@#%)*!@*!#@$"
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub and froboy pick up their salads and start running like hell.
|
||||
nybar quickly gets his and catches up to them.*
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: "To the van!!"
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "Umm.."
|
||||
|
||||
they jump in the van and jubjub proceeds to drive it halfway off a
|
||||
cliff.
|
||||
|
||||
<dramatic music plays and jubjub froboy and nybar act like
|
||||
superhero's and state the obvious...>
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar: "The van is halfway off the cliff!"
|
||||
|
||||
Froboy: "It could fall any second!!!"
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: "And the mogel's are coming!!!!"
|
||||
|
||||
TO... BE.... CONTINUED!!
|
||||
|
||||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #111 -- written by -> nybar -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
135
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0112.txt
Normal file
135
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0112.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,135 @@
|
||||
__ __
|
||||
_______ _______ /\ \ /'__`\ _______ _______
|
||||
/\______\ /\______\ \ \ \___ /\ \/\ \ __ /\______\ /\______\
|
||||
\/______/_\/______/_ \ \ _ `\ \ \ \ \ /'__`\ \/______/_\/______/_
|
||||
/\______\ /\______\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \_\ \/\ __/ /\______\ /\______\
|
||||
\/______/ \/______/ \ \_\ \_\ \____/\ \____\ \/______/ \/______/
|
||||
\/_/\/_/\/___/ \/____/
|
||||
|
||||
HoE TeXt pHyLez #112!!!!1
|
||||
|
||||
>> "militia entrance exam" <<
|
||||
|
||||
(a very old, unfinished t-file that mogel found on his harddrive)
|
||||
|
||||
written by the late "IM2K"
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
_The Official XXXXX (Insert state) Militia Entrance Exam_
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
1. List your area of birth: __
|
||||
|
||||
A. New England Yank
|
||||
B. Midwestern Ditz
|
||||
C. Southern Racist
|
||||
D. California Stoned Surfer
|
||||
|
||||
NOTE: All entrees with D need not continue. Thank you for trying, the man
|
||||
with the handcuffs will take you away now.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
2. Please note personal religion: __
|
||||
|
||||
A. Liberal Baptist
|
||||
B. Liberal Protestant
|
||||
C. Liberal Methodist
|
||||
D. Liberal Liberal Eucharaian
|
||||
E. CONSERVATIVE BELIEFS
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
3. If you noted "C" for question #1, please answer the following:
|
||||
What is your highest level of education? __
|
||||
|
||||
A. 2nd grade
|
||||
B. 3rd grade
|
||||
C. 4th grade
|
||||
D. 1st grade
|
||||
E. Other (Please explain)
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
4. What types of firearms do your personally own? (List all that apply)
|
||||
|
||||
A. Ak-47
|
||||
B. M-16 or older model
|
||||
C. Automatic rifle
|
||||
D. Magnum 45
|
||||
E. Police .38
|
||||
F. .22 snub nose
|
||||
G. None (Please explain)
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
5. What is the highest calliber gun you own? __
|
||||
|
||||
A. 50
|
||||
B. 45
|
||||
C. 38
|
||||
D. 22
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
6. What is your IQ?
|
||||
|
||||
A. 50
|
||||
B. 45
|
||||
C. 38
|
||||
D. 22
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
7. What is your name? __
|
||||
|
||||
A. Billy-Bob
|
||||
B. Billy-Joe
|
||||
C. Billy-Sam
|
||||
D. Billy-XXXX
|
||||
E. Other (Please explain)
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
8. What are the identifing characterists of a jack-booted government thug?
|
||||
|
||||
A. Ridiculous earphone thing
|
||||
B. Bad suit (Paid w/ my money!)
|
||||
C. Obvious car
|
||||
D. Boots (jack-booted)
|
||||
E. Haircut (usually long like a friggin' hippie)
|
||||
F. Foreigner
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
9. Do you know the location of your nearest Ryder agency?
|
||||
|
||||
A. Yes
|
||||
B. No
|
||||
C. Unsure
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
10. Please provide a set of your fingerprints (If you can't find a copy,
|
||||
your local police agency will probably be happy to lend you a copy).
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
Right Thumb Other Right Thumb
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
11. Which of the following do you personally believe? (List all that apply)
|
||||
|
||||
A. Elvis is alive.
|
||||
B. The government is out to get you.
|
||||
C. The UN is just a plot to let foreigners take over the US.
|
||||
D. She was asking for it.
|
||||
E. All of the above.
|
||||
|
||||
This concludes your exam. You'll be notified of your status within days.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #112 -- written by IM2K -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
259
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0113.txt
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259
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0113.txt
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@@ -0,0 +1,259 @@
|
||||
|
||||
o o o__ __o__/_
|
||||
hogs of entropy <|> <|> <| v
|
||||
issue 113 < > < > < > "whee!"
|
||||
| | o__ __o |
|
||||
_\__o__ o__/_ _\__o /v v\ o__/_ _\__o__
|
||||
\ | | /> <\ | \
|
||||
<o> <o> \ oink! / <o>
|
||||
"moo!" | | o o |
|
||||
/ \ / \ <\__ __/> / \ _\o__/_
|
||||
|
||||
>> "who the fuck is this jesus christ guy?" <<
|
||||
by -> creep
|
||||
|
||||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
It seems like it was millennia ago.. oh wait, it was millennia
|
||||
ago. I was a high powered young corporate executive, president of Heaven,
|
||||
which pretty much meant I was in charge except for the big guy (Mr. gOD)
|
||||
who was c.e.o. I was pretty much his right hand man. We got along pretty
|
||||
well most of the time, except for the occasional spat about certain
|
||||
executive decisions, like who should be promoted to angel or who needed to
|
||||
be fired (in other words, cast out). He was an overly fair guy, sometimes
|
||||
too fair. He wanted to give everybody as much leniency as possible, and
|
||||
he was very forgiving. I, on the other hand, was much more strict. I put
|
||||
a lot of pressure on people, I felt I should crack down, make them do
|
||||
their work the way they should. And quite often did I fire people who
|
||||
needed to be, slackers who wouldn't do their job like they were supposed
|
||||
to. That set an example for the others.
|
||||
|
||||
gOD was essentially a nice guy, but don't piss him off, he might
|
||||
shove a lightning bolt up your ass or set your house on fire, or hell
|
||||
knows (no pun intended) what else. Being the #1 guy, the big cheese, the
|
||||
head honcho, that meant there was nobody to reprimand him for anything he
|
||||
did, so he had this nasty habit of taking what he wanted, when he wanted
|
||||
it. Which included the young lady of which this tale revolves around, the
|
||||
young virgin Mary.
|
||||
|
||||
Mary was a cute young girl, only 17 and never been laid yet (how
|
||||
she avoided those terrible brute soldiers I don't know). One day, gOD
|
||||
happened to be peering down over his earthly kingdom when he noticed young
|
||||
Mary walking home from her studies (she went to some Jew school, forgot
|
||||
the name). While walking down the trail, she suddenly stopped and looked
|
||||
around. After checking to make sure nobody was around, she hopped into
|
||||
the bushes, well out of sight from any passersby that might come down the
|
||||
trail. Once hidden, Mary laid down on the ground and hiked her dress up
|
||||
to her waist. She stuck her finger in her mouth and sucked on it
|
||||
seductively for a minute, then slid her hand down between her ample
|
||||
breasts and down her stomach. Her breaths drew faster as she moved her
|
||||
hand between her legs and slid it underneith the wasteline of her panties.
|
||||
Her slender fingers slowly caressed her outer labia, then spread them
|
||||
apart with her pointer and ring fingers, while her middle finger gently
|
||||
massaged her throbbing clit. With her free hand, Mary grabbed a stick and
|
||||
put it in her mouth to bite on to keep her from screaming out loud where
|
||||
anyone walking down the trail might hear her. She then took her other
|
||||
hand and ran it underneith her leg so she could finger fuck herself while
|
||||
she massaged and rubber her clit. Mary moaned slightly from the
|
||||
incredible ecstasy she brought herself. After 10 minutes she finally
|
||||
came, thrashing and kicking in the dirt, all the while trying not to make
|
||||
a single sound.
|
||||
|
||||
gOD watched in awe from his throne up above. Never before had he
|
||||
witnessed such activity. In a way he was outraged at such filth, that his
|
||||
children could do such obscene things while they thought nobody was
|
||||
watching. He sat in his throne, angered, pondering what to do. As he
|
||||
switched hands to support his chin while he pondered, his other hand came
|
||||
to rest on his lap. He then noticed his incredible erection (and boy do I
|
||||
mean incredible. I mean, he IS gOD after all) and cursed himself for
|
||||
letting such obscenity arouse him so. But he couldn't help it. He looked
|
||||
down again and saw that still nobody was around. Mary was just picking
|
||||
herself up and brushing off the dirt from her back. Suddenly in front of
|
||||
her, in a blinding flash of light, gOD appeared before her. She knew
|
||||
right away why he was there, and dropped to her knees and begged for
|
||||
forgiveness.
|
||||
|
||||
"oh dear gOD, please forgive me! I have sinned!" she babbled.
|
||||
|
||||
"oh shut the fuck up.." gOD retorted as he unzipped the fly on his
|
||||
enormous golden loin cloth.
|
||||
|
||||
"but..but.. what are you doing?" she inquired in between sobs,
|
||||
|
||||
"just shut up and suck it, bitch.." he commanded.
|
||||
|
||||
Still on her knees, she crawled over to him, and proceeded to take
|
||||
the length of his mighty shaft into her mouth. Impatiently, he grabbed
|
||||
her by the hair and rammed his titanic cock down her throat. She choked
|
||||
and gagged for a bit, then loosened her esophogus and straightened out her
|
||||
neck to make it fit. He withdrew and thrust his monstrous phallus down
|
||||
her throat once again. He repeated this several times then pulled out and
|
||||
threw her down on the ground, ripped her panties off and mounted her. He
|
||||
mercilessly impaled her tight young virginal cunt on his cock, nearly
|
||||
splitting her open. He fucked her violently for 20 minutes until he
|
||||
ejaculated his mighty load (seemed like gallons, the shit was coming out
|
||||
of her ears and oozing from her bloody swollen cunt hole). Satisfied, he
|
||||
stood up and wiped his tool off with her hair. He looked up and saw two
|
||||
villagers standing there, watching in disbelief. He looked them straight
|
||||
in the eye and raised his hand, and they both became emersed in red light
|
||||
and suddenly vanished, not a trace of them left. He turned back around
|
||||
and looked down at the sobbing girl. He merely grinned and ascended back
|
||||
to his kingdom above. Mary picked up her things and ran home, crying.
|
||||
|
||||
Little to his knowledge, he had impregnated her. A few months
|
||||
afterward, her stomach bulged out slightly. One day I decided to take a
|
||||
trip down to earth and scope out the action down there. I had made myself
|
||||
invisible, so the humans wouldn't all freak out and bow down and all that
|
||||
stupid shit. After a few hours of spying on the mortals, I grew bored and
|
||||
decided to take a leisurely walk down the trail. Once I was out of sight,
|
||||
I made myself visible again and continued my stroll. As I was walking
|
||||
down the trail, I saw a young girl walking back towards the village. I
|
||||
ducked behind a tree and watched her. She paused for a moment at one
|
||||
particular spot, staring down at the ground and began to cry. I just
|
||||
stood there, staring at her, when I accidentally lost my balance and fell
|
||||
down. She saw me and began screaming. I ran up to her and smacked her
|
||||
across the face and commanded her to be silent.
|
||||
|
||||
"No please, not again! please!"
|
||||
|
||||
"SHUT UP!"
|
||||
|
||||
She silenced herself and just sat there, waiting for me to do
|
||||
whatever she expected me to do. From my point of view, I could see right
|
||||
down the top of her dress. Quite the cleavage there was. I also noticed
|
||||
the way she was sitting, I could see most of her leg, right up her thigh.
|
||||
Almost instantly I became erect. For a half pregnant girl, she was very
|
||||
attractive. I couldn't resist the temptation, and I forced her up onto
|
||||
her knees and bent her over, then moved around behind her and unzipped my
|
||||
fly. I dropped to my knees and lifted her skirt up and felt all over her
|
||||
beautiful soft round ass. Without hesitation I pulled her panties off and
|
||||
thrust my own enormous cock into her soft wet cunt. She screamed in pain
|
||||
(I later learned at the Heaven Bar that my cock was bigger than the big
|
||||
guy's, but I'll tell you about that later). I ran the entire length of my
|
||||
shaft into her cunt, shattering the barely developed fetus within her
|
||||
womb. I fucked her hard and fast for a good 45 minutes (I also have more
|
||||
stamina). I shot my enormous load deep inside her and withdrew, my cock
|
||||
covered in blood and cum and fetal debris. I picked her up and forced the
|
||||
bitch to lick it clean, then smacked her in the face and returned to
|
||||
heaven. Later on I paid her a second visit and this time I impregnated
|
||||
her again.
|
||||
|
||||
That same day upon my second visit to young mary, gOD and a
|
||||
servant angel were going through the log books, checking the past few
|
||||
months' events. Somewhere during the reading, gOD fell back in his chair
|
||||
and groaned miserably when he had read that a young girl named Mary was
|
||||
pregnant, and the father was not to be found. Depressed, he went to the
|
||||
Heaven Bar later that night to drown his sorrows. I walked in grinning
|
||||
ear to ear about my activities of that day and took a seat right next to
|
||||
gOD.
|
||||
|
||||
"Hey gOD, whats shakin?"
|
||||
|
||||
"Oh the worst fucking thing happened to me?"
|
||||
|
||||
"Whats that?"
|
||||
|
||||
"You don't want to know. What did you do today?"
|
||||
|
||||
"Nothing much.. just took a little visit down to earth."
|
||||
|
||||
"Oh really? how'd it go?"
|
||||
|
||||
"It was fun :)"
|
||||
|
||||
"Glad somebody enjoyed themselves today"
|
||||
|
||||
"Ah, relax man, have a few. on me."
|
||||
|
||||
"What do you mean, 'on you'? I own everything and you're an
|
||||
executive. We fucking drink for free."
|
||||
|
||||
"oh yeah. well. you know what I mean."
|
||||
|
||||
45 minutes and a dozen shots later, gOD and I had a great time at
|
||||
the bar in our drunken stupor. 'Welcome to the Jungle' by Guns-N-Roses
|
||||
came on the jukebox and gOD started dancing (he can't dance worth shit
|
||||
btw). We all laughed and had a merry old time. When he was done making
|
||||
an ass of his heavenly self, he came back to where we were sitting and
|
||||
asked me what I did on my trip to earth today. Being drunk as shit, I
|
||||
obliged unwittingly.
|
||||
|
||||
"Oh man, I took a walk and ran into this young chick. She was
|
||||
half pregnant, but man oh man was she hot. Pair of legs that
|
||||
run all the way up to her neck, and a set of titties.. WHOO!"
|
||||
|
||||
"did you say half-pregnant?"
|
||||
|
||||
"Yeah.. she was still hot tho.. I think her name was Mary or
|
||||
something."
|
||||
|
||||
Instantly his face turned green and he ran out of the bar, puked
|
||||
for a while then went back up to his office on the top cloud. I went back
|
||||
to my lush house on the vista cloud and passed out. I came in late to
|
||||
work the next morning, hung over as shit. My secretary told me that gOD
|
||||
was waiting to see me in his office. I walked down the big hallway to his
|
||||
big office where he sat in his big chair behind his big desk chewing on
|
||||
aspirin and drinking a big cup of coffee.
|
||||
|
||||
"You wanted to see me?"
|
||||
|
||||
"Yeah.. that chick you raped yesterday?"
|
||||
|
||||
"Umm yeah, what about her?" I feigned inconcern.
|
||||
|
||||
"I already raped her."
|
||||
|
||||
"you WHAT?!"
|
||||
|
||||
"Yeah.. and I got her pregnant."
|
||||
|
||||
"You mean that was your...?"
|
||||
|
||||
"Yep."
|
||||
|
||||
"Oh shit."
|
||||
|
||||
"You're FUCKING RIGHT 'OH SHIT'!@# YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE?"
|
||||
|
||||
"Hey RELAX dammit, how the fuck was I supposed to know."
|
||||
|
||||
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY BETTER YOU LITTLE SHIT!"
|
||||
|
||||
"HEY FUCK YOU ALRIGHT, ITS NOT MY FAULT"
|
||||
|
||||
"NO FUCK YOU, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE, YOU'RE FIRED!"
|
||||
|
||||
"I'M WHAT? YOU'RE FIRING ME?"
|
||||
|
||||
"YEAH, I AM.. NOW GET THE FUCK OUT!"
|
||||
|
||||
"Fine.. fuck you then.. you know there are shitloads of other
|
||||
gODS in other universes that would jump to hire me at much
|
||||
better positions for a LOT bigger salary."
|
||||
|
||||
"I don't give a shit, not like you do anything anyway. You won't
|
||||
be any trouble to replace, you know how many other angels would
|
||||
jump to fill in your spot and do a much better job at half the
|
||||
salary?"
|
||||
|
||||
"Kiss my ass, I'm outta here."
|
||||
|
||||
"Yeah fuck you too.. you little shit."
|
||||
|
||||
And so I was cast out of Heaven. I still had a good rapport with
|
||||
the angels that were grateful to me for making them do their job so well
|
||||
and took pride in what they had accomplished. So I took 1/3rd of the
|
||||
angels of heaven with me and formed my own kingdom down below earth. We
|
||||
ditched the silly white uniforms with wings and got some spiffy red and
|
||||
black ones. Meanwhile the other 2/3rd of the angels remained above (I
|
||||
took all the hard working ones with me, left all the slackers..thats why
|
||||
Heaven went to shit and took earth with it..snicker). Meanwhile gOD made
|
||||
a few visits down to earth, this time visible and bullshitted the people
|
||||
about Mary's baby and claimed it to be his still. He gave them some
|
||||
lame-o story about how his "holy son" was to be the savior and that he
|
||||
would give his life for their sins. Mary was of Mexican descent, so she
|
||||
decided to name him Jesus. Little Jesus grew up to make a terrible living
|
||||
at being a carpenter.
|
||||
|
||||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #113 -- written by creep -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
84
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0114.txt
Normal file
84
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0114.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,84 @@
|
||||
hogs of entropy corporation special report 114
|
||||
__________________________________________________
|
||||
|
||||
/
|
||||
--------------/__--------__--------__-------------
|
||||
/ ) / ) /___)
|
||||
____________/___/_____(___/_____(___ _____________
|
||||
|
||||
>> "the boy who seeks happiness meets darkthrone" <<
|
||||
by -> murmur
|
||||
|
||||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
"they call me fitzsimmons
|
||||
but i'm not quite sure why
|
||||
i just seek eternal happiness
|
||||
do you know where it lies?"
|
||||
|
||||
such is the song of fitzsimmons, the boy who seeks happiness. my, if
|
||||
he hasn't had one hell of a time finding that darned happiness. he keeps
|
||||
going around and singing his song and annoying the shit out of people just
|
||||
because he wants to be happy - as if the dumb fucker wasn't happy enough!
|
||||
|
||||
one day fitzsimmons was racing around some green hills somewhere and
|
||||
he came upon some unusually toad shaped people and he sang his song.
|
||||
|
||||
"they call me fitzsimmons,
|
||||
but i'm not quite sure why.
|
||||
i just seek eternal happiness,
|
||||
do you know where it lies?"
|
||||
|
||||
the toad people directed fitzsimmons to the large area of land known
|
||||
vaguely as the "scandinavian peninsula". little did fitzsimmons know that
|
||||
happiness does not exist in scandinavia, all that exist in scandinavia are
|
||||
higher tax rates, advanced welfare states, & fjords.
|
||||
|
||||
well, fitzsimmons got to that scandinavia place and he found this
|
||||
charming place called helsinki and he sang his song to some people on the
|
||||
street.
|
||||
|
||||
"they call me fitzsimmons,
|
||||
but i'm not quite sure why.
|
||||
i just seek eternal happiness,
|
||||
do you know where it lies?"
|
||||
|
||||
the poor finns didn't know what the hell the idiot north american was
|
||||
talking about, but someone thought he might be talking about whales. they
|
||||
told him to go to norway.
|
||||
|
||||
fitzsimmons found the mythical norway, although he took a very
|
||||
ridiculous path to get there. i mean, helsinki isn't that far from norway,
|
||||
but i'll be damned if he didn't somehow go through al's meats. well, there
|
||||
he was in norway and he sang his song for somebody who paid too much in
|
||||
taxes.
|
||||
|
||||
"they call me fitzsimmons,
|
||||
but i'm not quite sure why.
|
||||
i just seek eternal happiness,
|
||||
do you know where it lies?"
|
||||
|
||||
the conservative norseman didn't really care to deal with him so he
|
||||
muttered something about eronymous and left. thinking this was a clue,
|
||||
fitzsimmons asked people about the mysterious "eronymous" until a youth
|
||||
informed him that it was not eronymous, but in fact the mythical lord
|
||||
grishnackh that he should seek. eronymous was dead.
|
||||
|
||||
so fitzsimmons searched for lord grishnach and was subsequently
|
||||
informed that darkthrone was on the abandoned apple hill. there are no
|
||||
abandoned apple hills in norway, of course, but fitzsimmons rummaged his way
|
||||
there and encountered the members of the real norwegian black metal band
|
||||
darkthrone, fronted by lord grishnackh.
|
||||
|
||||
"they call me fitzsimmons,
|
||||
but i'm not quite sure why.
|
||||
i just seek eternal happiness,
|
||||
do you know where it lies?"
|
||||
|
||||
lord grishnackh feasted on fitzsimmons's soul that night and the
|
||||
editor was too lazy to go back and change any verb tenses to make that
|
||||
apparent.
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #114 -- written by murmur -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
34
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0115.txt
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34
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0115.txt
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@@ -0,0 +1,34 @@
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
_| _| _|_| _|_|_|_|
|
||||
_| _| _| _| _| * - - hogs of entropy e'zine #115
|
||||
_|_|_|_| _| _| _|_|_| >> "it's me!" <<
|
||||
_| _| _| _| _| * - - a text file by nyar
|
||||
_| _| _|_| _|_|_|_|
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Hi there. You might be wondering who I am. Well its me!
|
||||
|
||||
You might remember me from my days in BLaH.
|
||||
You might remember me from my days in MiLK
|
||||
You DON'T remember me from my days in OBLOIDISM (however Jamesy spelled it)
|
||||
|
||||
But, there is a new me now. A different me. And this new me will let you
|
||||
in on a little ckrut. I can't write anymore. You know why? Because I
|
||||
decided to become an Engineer, and we all know that engineers are
|
||||
unarticulate. Well, some fool might be thinking "Hey, you are writing
|
||||
now." Well, shut up.
|
||||
|
||||
Ok, lets assume for a minute that you do remember me. Well, in that case,
|
||||
I still hate lampreys. However, I no longer have as much control over TV.
|
||||
I know this because if I did there wouldn't be any TV anymore. Other than
|
||||
that, its the same old me. Except I am improved. I know have a Kung Fu Grip.
|
||||
|
||||
Enough about me. What about you? Well who cares about you. You are a
|
||||
peon. I am everything you are nothing. Or perhaps it is vice versa. But
|
||||
in that case, how would this have been written? I win, end of story.
|
||||
|
||||
Well that about wraps up this little essay on me. Maybe I will write
|
||||
about me again. Or not.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #115 -- written by nyar -- 6/15/97 *
|
||||
58
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0116.txt
Normal file
58
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0116.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,58 @@
|
||||
|
||||
\|/ 8 8 \|/ 8"""88 \|/ 8"""" \|/
|
||||
/|\ 8 8 /|\ 8 8 /|\ 8 /|\
|
||||
8eee8 8 8 8eeee
|
||||
88 8 8 8 88
|
||||
88 8 8 8 88
|
||||
88 8 ogs 8eeee8 f 88eee ntropy
|
||||
|
||||
THE TEXT FILES OF WINNERS, LIKE *YOU*!
|
||||
|
||||
oink? - we present issue 116 - oink?
|
||||
|
||||
>> the dangerous streets of nyc <<
|
||||
|
||||
submitted under external influence and written
|
||||
shortly before the first dummercon in 1995
|
||||
|
||||
and also published *without* the author's permission just
|
||||
to get a reaction like "holy blue!" out of him -- GOD WE'RE SILLY!
|
||||
|
||||
by -> eerie
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
the other day me and my pals ratzie and tuttie were walking in the
|
||||
dangerous streets of fucking new york city when we found out that they really
|
||||
needed a replacement for those "walk/don't walk" light thingies.
|
||||
|
||||
i figured, okay, when it's time to walk, let's have the sign say:
|
||||
|
||||
walk
|
||||
|
||||
it's alright. however, why "don't walk"? i mean, aren't people in
|
||||
the middle of the street gonna stop walking and get hit by a car? well,
|
||||
that's just plain _stupid_! the light should say:
|
||||
|
||||
walk faster
|
||||
|
||||
now, after some time, when it's just about to stop flashing, the
|
||||
light should change to:
|
||||
|
||||
run muthafucka
|
||||
|
||||
and finally, we would put up a light that says:
|
||||
|
||||
too late
|
||||
|
||||
well, just a thought.
|
||||
|
||||
did you ever notice how chromatik had the same initials as calvin
|
||||
klein?! i mean, that's food for thought!
|
||||
|
||||
"man, there's no thought involved in there. there's not even food!"
|
||||
|
||||
- rattle
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #116 -- written by eerie -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
100
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0117.txt
Normal file
100
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0117.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,100 @@
|
||||
.d8888888b. 888 .d8888b. .d8888888b.
|
||||
d88P" "Y88b 888 d88P Y88b d88P" "Y88b
|
||||
888 d8b 888 888 888 888 888 d8b 888
|
||||
888 888 888 88888b. 888 888 .d88b. 888 888 888
|
||||
888 888bd88P 888 "88b 888 888 d8P Y8b 888 888bd88P
|
||||
888 Y8888P" 888 888 888 888 88888888 888 Y8888P"
|
||||
Y88b. .d8 888 888 Y88b d88P Y8b. Y88b. .d8
|
||||
"Y88888888P" 888 888 "Y8888P" "Y8888 "Y88888888P"
|
||||
|
||||
hogs of entropy #117
|
||||
|
||||
>> "an interview with mogel" <<
|
||||
|
||||
taken from log files written well before july, 1995 (hoe #90)
|
||||
|
||||
this is not funny.
|
||||
|
||||
by -> jamesy
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Mogel: INTERVIEW ME ALL NIGHT LONG. ASK THOSE QUESTIONS HARD AND FAST!
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: So, Mog, with all these Sticky Richie Rich comics lying around,
|
||||
what are you now going to do to get off?
|
||||
|
||||
Mogel: Well, Jamesy, one can never had enough Richie... if you know what I
|
||||
mean, heh heh!
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: If you were a vegetable, which vegetable would you be?
|
||||
|
||||
Mogel: Well, Lamesy, I think it would be a turnip. Turnips are so pretty.
|
||||
So fresh. So rad! The breath the essense of WaReZ. I know that's
|
||||
hard to get from a veggie - but I do it!
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: Speaking of Warez, what did you think of THG's new release of
|
||||
PKZIP for OS/2 v2.04x?
|
||||
|
||||
Mogel: Well Jamesy, I think that the release had many blatant bugs in it. I
|
||||
think that it would have been better if they just stole PWA's copy and
|
||||
called it thiers. That's what I'd do if I was a warez d00d. But
|
||||
there is that 'anti-0-day' problem.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: How many times have you slit your wrists? And how many of those
|
||||
times were you listening to Depeche Mode?
|
||||
|
||||
Mogel: Fortuanly, every time I have slit my wrists, it has been successful
|
||||
and I had died. Imagaine if I hadn't died. That'd be scary stuff.
|
||||
I'd have Depesh Mode playing 24-hours-day in my room. Hahaha!
|
||||
Woo!
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: If you were a minimized window, what would your icon be?
|
||||
|
||||
Mogel: I would probably be a large breast. Just one. Not two. I'm going
|
||||
to marry a woman with just one breasts. Just ONE large.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: What is the first thing that comes to your mind when I say the
|
||||
quote, "To stay or to go, it amounted to the same."
|
||||
|
||||
Mogel: Actually, I don't ever read things in quotes. Sorry.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: Looking back at the bombing in oklahoma, would you rather eat the
|
||||
dead children's bodies with A1 Steak sause or KC Masterpiece BBQ?
|
||||
|
||||
Mogel: I'd have to go with the A1.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: If you had to stick any element from the periodic table up your
|
||||
ass, what would be your choice? NOTE: it must be in solid form.
|
||||
|
||||
Mogel: Without a doubt it would be Uranium. There's nothin' like a little
|
||||
cancer to spice up your day. Amen.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: When you were a little boy, who touched you more, mommy or daddy?
|
||||
|
||||
Mogel: Mommie loved me. I'm not supposed to talk about that though.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: Would you rather be a cheez curl or a cheez puff?
|
||||
|
||||
Mogel: I think curls. They're more... curly.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: looking at the zine world today, and looking at all the shitty groups
|
||||
out there <like that group gasp and stuff>, what would you say would
|
||||
be the best way to genocide all stupid people?
|
||||
|
||||
Mogel: Have them listen to Blur's first album.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: Why did you pick the name "Hogs of Entropy" anyway?
|
||||
|
||||
Mogel: Lots of goofy reasons. I wanted somethien sorta anti-profound...
|
||||
but would at least make someone go "hmm!" -- something like that.
|
||||
the name 'HOE' was funny. Pigs are cute. I'm obsessed with the
|
||||
concept of Entropy.
|
||||
|
||||
Jamesy: But my point is why 'OF'? why not "oblivious" or "obsession" or
|
||||
something? "of" is just so .. so.. grammarically correct.
|
||||
|
||||
Mogel: Because I'm a stupid moron.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #117 -- logged by jamesy -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
91
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0118.txt
Normal file
91
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0118.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,91 @@
|
||||
|
||||
<< THE HOGS OF ENTROPY, KEEPERS OF THE GLORIOUS TEXT FILE PRESENT >>
|
||||
|
||||
_// _// _// _//////// _// - oink!
|
||||
_// _// _// _// _// _// - moo!!
|
||||
_// _// _// _// _// _// _// - oink!
|
||||
_// _////// _// _// _// _////// _// - moo!!
|
||||
_// _// _// _// _// _// _// - oink!
|
||||
_// _// _// _// _// _// _// - moo!!
|
||||
_/ _// _// _/// _//////// _// - oink!
|
||||
|
||||
<< HOE ISSUE #118 >>
|
||||
|
||||
>> "so much to live for, so much to die for, right?" <<
|
||||
by -> kheldar
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
6:33 am. Mike gets up groggily, grabs a pair of pants and a shirt,
|
||||
and heads toward the bathroom. In use. "No problem, I'll just grab
|
||||
something to eat," Mike thinks to himself. He walks down the stairs, now
|
||||
almost fully awake. He eats breakfast like everyone else in the entire
|
||||
town, not even thinking of how much this day will be just like the others.
|
||||
The same routine, the same conversations, the same life. Angst? Mike
|
||||
doesn't have a clue. Never heard the word, probably couldn't even spell
|
||||
it.
|
||||
|
||||
After Mike spends his designated 10 minutes in the shower, cleans
|
||||
up, packs his lunch and his milk money, he hops into the car cheerfully and
|
||||
rides to school. He innocently says hi to everyone whom he knows, not
|
||||
noticing their tone of voice, or even their facial expression. Why should
|
||||
he pay attention to that? I mean, everyone's nice to Mike!
|
||||
|
||||
It's all the same, thought Mike doesn't realize it. There's
|
||||
nothing behind why he's always picked last for sports. When people make
|
||||
fun of him, it's all in good humor. Why should he get mad at anything? He
|
||||
has his whole life ahead of him.
|
||||
|
||||
Now, Mike is your typical seventh grader. A little on the short
|
||||
side, and a tad bit smarter than his peers. He doesn't really hang out
|
||||
with the sports crowd, because they tend to ignore him, but that's because
|
||||
he hasn't proven himself, right? Now it's about this time that Mike begins
|
||||
to notice members of the opposite sex. Hmmm... Girls? Hey, look at that,
|
||||
she's being nice to me! He thinks, as he's invited to a party. "Next
|
||||
Friday at 8? I'll be there!" He says with a smile. Mike likes to smile.
|
||||
He has lots to be happy about.
|
||||
|
||||
Party. Fun. Music. Dancing. Hey, she asked me to dance! Look,
|
||||
I'm dancing with a girl! After the party. Wow, that girl called me! I
|
||||
must be special to her. She likes me! Yeah, I have a real good chance
|
||||
with her, but I think I'll wait a little while. No need to be impatient!
|
||||
|
||||
And so it goes. Week after week. Hanging around the girl, waiting
|
||||
for her to make the first move. "She's just shy like me." "Maybe she
|
||||
wants me to make the first move." "She likes me, but doesn't think I like
|
||||
her." And so on, and so forth. Keep making the excuses, Mike. Sunrise,
|
||||
sunset. Sunrise, sunset.
|
||||
|
||||
HEY! Why's she talking with that guy? She never laughs that much
|
||||
at my jokes! Why isn't she talking to me? That's not fair, I thought you
|
||||
were my friend! Looks like she's drained you, bud. So Mike goes and talks
|
||||
to his friend. He doesn't quite realize that the "friend" doesn't like him
|
||||
that much. He's a bit too civil, but he doesn't quite seem to notice.
|
||||
"You should ask her out, d00d!" "Yeah, good idea, but what about that
|
||||
other guy?" "Ummm... Ask her out, d00d!"
|
||||
|
||||
Another month. It's been what, 6 now? Another, and another. You
|
||||
feel yourself feeling worse and worse, don't you Mike? You only talk to
|
||||
her about once a week. Every other week. Every month. Look at your heart
|
||||
change it's little red hues into violet, blue, purple, black. Look at your
|
||||
mood swings, look at your depression. Look at her rip your heart out and
|
||||
stomp on it, Mike. Take a real good look. Know you think you know what
|
||||
angst is, don't you? Yeah, you sing the same old song. It happened to
|
||||
seventy thousand other people at the exact same time it happened to you,
|
||||
but you don't know that, and you wouldn't comprehend it if you did.
|
||||
|
||||
Look at you. You sit at home writing in your little purple and
|
||||
black diary, with yellow stripes. Yeah, you've got so much angst, don't
|
||||
you? Well, if you weren't the same little prepackaged product maybe you
|
||||
would be, but you came in a box, my friend, and you're just a serial
|
||||
number. You may as well not exist, right? Yeah, you'd be so much better
|
||||
off dead, wouldn't you? Nothing to live for, right? You think so, but in
|
||||
time, you'll forget, and if you don't, you won't care. In fact, you won't
|
||||
care much about anything.... that is, until you turn into an adult, and
|
||||
conform to what society wants you to be like. You have your own office
|
||||
with a window, right? Yeah, I'll bet. Catch you on the flip side, my
|
||||
friend.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #118 -- written by kheldar -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
|
||||
111
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0119.txt
Normal file
111
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0119.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,111 @@
|
||||
______________ ________ ____________
|
||||
__.\ /_/ \_ /
|
||||
\ /_ _ (_ _____/ hogs of entropy issue #119
|
||||
\ _ / \___ | | ___) "rise of the mogels, part three"
|
||||
| ) / | | ) \ by -> mercuri
|
||||
|_ _| _/ | _| \
|
||||
'----` |_ _\_ _>______ _\ oink.
|
||||
'---` '-----` '----`
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
"aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!" they stopped, took a breath, and continued.
|
||||
|
||||
"aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"
|
||||
|
||||
<two minutes later>
|
||||
|
||||
jubjub to froboy: shit, this is a long drop.
|
||||
froboy: <sarcastically> do ya think?
|
||||
|
||||
the van screams past a sign that reads, "BOTTOM OF GORGE: 8 MILES"
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar said to himself, "Self, this must be an often traveled route." He
|
||||
responded. "Good thinking, Self."
|
||||
|
||||
As Jubjub's body violently smashed on the sides of the van his hed
|
||||
crashed through the passenger side window.
|
||||
|
||||
"Mercuri?"
|
||||
|
||||
"Jubjub?"
|
||||
|
||||
"Mercuri!"
|
||||
|
||||
"JUBJUB!"
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: What are the odds that you would be *cliff-diving* from the very
|
||||
same cliff we are falling from?
|
||||
|
||||
Mercuri: Dunno. I'm still in algebra.
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: Fool.
|
||||
|
||||
Mercuri: Legface.
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: So how have you been?
|
||||
|
||||
Mercuri: Can't complain... you going to dummercon?
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: No, I can't. Summer camp.
|
||||
|
||||
Mercuri: Haha. Just tell your parents you don't want to go this year.
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: That'd never happen.
|
||||
|
||||
Mercuri: So how are you planning on getting out of that van before the shit
|
||||
hits the fan?
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: Nybar is working on something inside. He says it's some sort of
|
||||
thrusting mechanism which will increase the draf... hell, i don't remember
|
||||
what he said, you know nybar... wordy braniac.
|
||||
|
||||
Mercuri: Yeah.
|
||||
|
||||
*awkward silence*
|
||||
|
||||
Mercuri: *cough* So anyway, why don't you just get out of the van and get
|
||||
into a cliff diving position like I am?
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: But nybar is working really hard on these thrusters... I don't want
|
||||
to hurt his feelings.
|
||||
|
||||
Mercuri: If you want to live, you have to do what I do.
|
||||
|
||||
<both jubjub & mercuri focus toward a sign that says "CONSTRUCTION NEXT: 2
|
||||
MILES">
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: Odd.
|
||||
|
||||
Mercuri: Yes.
|
||||
|
||||
*akward silence*
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: So I got these pictures of Nybar with only his underwear on...
|
||||
|
||||
*even more akward silence*
|
||||
|
||||
<seconds later, nybar flies out the back end of the fan with a jet-pack on,
|
||||
laughing hysterically>
|
||||
|
||||
Mercuri: Okay, Nybar flew the coop. You need to get in this diving position.
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: I can't believe he did that... AGAIN!
|
||||
|
||||
Mercuri: This happens often.
|
||||
|
||||
Jubjub: Every fourth year, right after elections.
|
||||
|
||||
<both mercuri & jubjub take a moment to ponder>
|
||||
|
||||
In unison: Weird.
|
||||
|
||||
FroBoy: We're out of biscuits!
|
||||
|
||||
WILL FROBOY FIND BISCUITS? WILL JUBJUB LIVE? WILL MERCURI LIVE? WHAT
|
||||
HAPPENED TO NYBAR?
|
||||
|
||||
TUNE IN NEXT TIME!!
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #119 -- written by mercuri -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
64
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0120.txt
Normal file
64
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0120.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,64 @@
|
||||
_ _____ __ ____ _ _
|
||||
_ _ __ _ ___ __ _ _| | __ _|____ | |_ \ ___ ____|___ \ ___ | | | |
|
||||
| | | |/ _` |/ _ \__` |__ |/ _` | |_ | _| |/ _ \ \ _|_ | |/ _ \| |_| |
|
||||
| |_| | (_| | (_) | | |_| | | | |___| | |_ | (_) | \ \| |_| | (_) | _ |
|
||||
| .__/ \__, |\___/ |_|__/|_| |_|_____| |_|\___/ |___\____/ \___/|_| |_|
|
||||
\___| |_| hogs of entropy issue #120 -> "on yumas" - by, THE HACKERS!
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
detailed within this document is a dialogue containing america's
|
||||
least notorious hacker, yumas. the following interview was recorded
|
||||
may 3, 1997 at 3:16am. the interviewer was crash override.
|
||||
|
||||
+-----+
|
||||
|
||||
Crash: hello, yumas. is this connection working? is your bits per second
|
||||
elite?
|
||||
|
||||
Yumas: NO
|
||||
|
||||
Crash: i recently heard, through my sources, that you have exploited many
|
||||
isps in the midwest area. tell us about it.
|
||||
|
||||
Yumas: isps?
|
||||
|
||||
Crash: you know, internet service providers. don't play dumb with us,
|
||||
yumas! don't worry, we won't narc on you. this is for PHRACK.
|
||||
|
||||
Yumas: in that case, why yes, i enjoy hacking from time to time. i guess
|
||||
you could call it one of my pasttimes.
|
||||
|
||||
Crash: but tell us how you do it, yumas! we want to know your secrets!
|
||||
our sendmail exploits have all been found out! our backdoors
|
||||
have all been snuffed out! help us, yumas, tell us your secrets!
|
||||
|
||||
Yumas: i lied. i don't hack. i crochet.
|
||||
|
||||
Crash: oh, ok.
|
||||
|
||||
+-----+
|
||||
|
||||
the following is a review of the above interview, as done by lord
|
||||
nikon. lord nikon, as you may recall, is not from scotland.
|
||||
|
||||
+-----+
|
||||
|
||||
i think it is interesting to note that such an unavowed hacker as
|
||||
yumas would express such a keen disinterest in hacking. it is almost as
|
||||
thought she really has no interest in hacking, which is astounding.
|
||||
|
||||
+-----+
|
||||
|
||||
included here are tips on how to be a better hacker than yumas.
|
||||
these tips are provided by acid burn.
|
||||
|
||||
+-----+
|
||||
|
||||
y0 liek my computer sez u r fuckien on my turf, dewd. u r
|
||||
terminated, lamer!!!!!
|
||||
|
||||
NO CARRIER
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #120 -- written by THE HACKERS -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
137
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0121.txt
Normal file
137
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0121.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,137 @@
|
||||
__mmm __//__ ---__..___._
|
||||
/ | | / \ ____\ hogs
|
||||
`l l | //|""\ | | of
|
||||
l / _l l | | | \___ entropy
|
||||
; / / \ \ ____| issue oink.
|
||||
$ |--| L \ | | l number
|
||||
| / l |\ `--/' | \--\ 1xx
|
||||
|__/ l___-' \_____/ \_____\
|
||||
|
||||
>> "free buttplug" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> styx
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
this is a short collection of emails i've received from people visiting
|
||||
my page. i've kept their email addresses unchanged so you can harrass them!
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
From robchristen@swissonline.ch Sun Feb 23 17:29:21 1997
|
||||
Date: Sat, 22 Feb 1997 18:55:35 +0100
|
||||
From: Christen Robert <robchristen@swissonline.ch>
|
||||
To: styx@dto.net
|
||||
Subject: dogsex
|
||||
|
||||
Hallo
|
||||
I am interessed for dogsexpictures.
|
||||
|
||||
-----
|
||||
|
||||
From popstimulus@geocities.com Fri Mar 7 11:57:59 1997
|
||||
Date: Thu, 06 Mar 1997 04:57:19 -0800
|
||||
From: chuck reisinger <popstimulus@geocities.com>
|
||||
To: styx@dto.net
|
||||
Cc: popstim@hotmail.com
|
||||
Subject: your page
|
||||
|
||||
you know the tranzor theme is great to listen to while watching a person
|
||||
shit inot another mouth.. you are worthy of god hood
|
||||
|
||||
chuck
|
||||
|
||||
-----
|
||||
|
||||
From anv9@cll.karlskoga.se Sun Mar 9 06:25:48 1997
|
||||
Date: Fri, 7 Mar 1997 22:53:11 +0100
|
||||
From: anv<6E>ndare 9 <anv9@cll.karlskoga.se>
|
||||
To: styx@dto.net
|
||||
Subject: hallo
|
||||
|
||||
You are a really funny man.
|
||||
|
||||
See you in hell!
|
||||
|
||||
-----
|
||||
|
||||
From cbustama@latino.net.co Wed Mar 12 09:33:27 1997
|
||||
Date: Mon, 10 Mar 1997 17:52:10 -0500
|
||||
From: NOMI <cbustama@latino.net.co>
|
||||
To: styx@dto.net
|
||||
Subject: hey. Mr send me shit eating photos. please, I'm kind of curious.
|
||||
|
||||
My email is cbustama@latino.net.co
|
||||
|
||||
be waiting...
|
||||
|
||||
Best Regards.
|
||||
|
||||
-----
|
||||
|
||||
From dharvey@mindspring.com Sat Mar 15 03:00:32 1997
|
||||
Date: Fri, 14 Mar 1997 00:09:40 -0800
|
||||
From: david l harvey <dharvey@mindspring.com>
|
||||
To: styx@dto.net
|
||||
Subject: Free buttplug
|
||||
|
||||
please send me the free butt plug as you suggested
|
||||
XXXX Starr Avenue
|
||||
Oregon, OH XXXXX
|
||||
|
||||
[styx's note: well, i HAD to block THAT one out]
|
||||
|
||||
-----
|
||||
|
||||
From xaphire@geocities.com Thu Mar 20 12:49:54 1997
|
||||
Date: Wed, 19 Mar 1997 09:12:11 -0500
|
||||
From: xaphire@geocities.com
|
||||
Reply-To: leopardkiss@hotmail.com
|
||||
To: styx@dto.net
|
||||
Subject: Why?
|
||||
|
||||
Why do you have a pic of somebody pooping into somebody else's mouth?
|
||||
That is very sick and nasty. E-mail me back at ap0720@aol.com.
|
||||
|
||||
-----
|
||||
|
||||
Return-Path: vaselina@pipeline.com
|
||||
X-Sender: vaselina@pop.pipeline.com
|
||||
Date: Tue, 01 Apr 1997 02:29:24 -0500
|
||||
To: dropdead@mindspring.com
|
||||
From: Allison <vaselina@pipeline.com>
|
||||
Subject: 101 super new uses for...!
|
||||
|
||||
[styx's note; this was in response to my compilation titled 'styx's ego'}
|
||||
|
||||
dear mister styx,
|
||||
|
||||
your EGO is more than just a good read. it's multi-functional.
|
||||
|
||||
let me explain: i printed out your EGO, paperclipped it together and left it
|
||||
on the dining room table. i left the room for a couple of minutes and when i
|
||||
came back, a pot of freshly microwaved cauliflower and velveeta was
|
||||
dripping yellow #5 on your EGO. doubles as a hotplate!
|
||||
|
||||
it was tuesday, recycling day, and all the newspapers were put out on the
|
||||
curb. and my lil dog was just fed a whole lotta scraps from the table, so my
|
||||
dad pulled out a couple of sheets from your EGO and put it on the floor and
|
||||
winnie promptly spread her legs and sat her little arse down and made little
|
||||
doggie diarrehas all over story #4.
|
||||
|
||||
i then folded up what was left of your EGO, stuffed it in my pocket and
|
||||
brought it with me on a train ride. nature called, and i went to the little
|
||||
girl's room and (horror of horrors!) discovered a veritable flood o blood on
|
||||
my panties. i didn't have any tampons with me, so i rolled up your EGO,
|
||||
parted my lips and stuffed your EGO up my bloody snatch. and i must say,
|
||||
your EGO has protected me better than anything with wings ever did! i can
|
||||
just see it now....an ad for your EGO with two women in white strolling
|
||||
throught a meadow of dandelions singing the praises of the femme protection
|
||||
wonders of your EGO!!@#@!
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
satisified reader,
|
||||
vaselina.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #121 -- written by styx -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
|
||||
100
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0122.txt
Normal file
100
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0122.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,100 @@
|
||||
|
||||
.-..-. .--. .--. n
|
||||
_.-._ : :; : _.-._ : ,. : _.-._ : .--'t _.-._
|
||||
: ` ' : : :o : ` ' : : :: : : ` ' : : `; r : ` ' :
|
||||
,' '. : :: :g ,' '. : :; : ,' '. : :__ o ,' '.
|
||||
`-:_:-' :_;:_;s `-:_:-' `.__.'f `-:_:-' `.__.'py`-:_:-'
|
||||
|
||||
hoe issue #119
|
||||
|
||||
>> "how to get chicks: the faq!" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> swisspope
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
1) How do I get chicks?
|
||||
|
||||
Listen to glam rock and adopt the image and the lifestyle.
|
||||
|
||||
2) Why do glam rock dudes get chicks?
|
||||
|
||||
They are many reasons why glam rock dudes get chicks. They are
|
||||
happy, they are secure, they have adorable smiles, they are talented
|
||||
musicians, they have long hair, and last but not least, they know how to
|
||||
_party_down_.
|
||||
|
||||
3) Aren't there consequences of partying down?
|
||||
|
||||
Yes, you might become an alcoholic.
|
||||
|
||||
4) What famous glam rock dude and television actress have maintained
|
||||
successful marriage?
|
||||
|
||||
Eddie Van Halen and Valerie Bertinelli. Valeria Bertinelli of
|
||||
course was the most loved teenage actress of the 1970's, and possibly of
|
||||
all time. As you can see, Eddie Van Halen is a lucky mother fucker. We
|
||||
can therefore attribute his success to being a glam rock dude.
|
||||
|
||||
5) I am already a glam rock dude, but I want my relationship to last.
|
||||
|
||||
According to the Lifetime television special, "Intimate Portrait
|
||||
of Valerie Bertinelli", Eddie says that it is important for both
|
||||
partners to be _comfortable_ with each other, _communicate_, and have a
|
||||
relationship built around a strong emotional _support network_. If you
|
||||
simply keep these goals in mind, your relationship should turn out just
|
||||
fine. If you get dumped, you were going out with a dumb bitch in the
|
||||
first place and you should be happy you came to your senses. You simply
|
||||
cannot lose.
|
||||
|
||||
6) What is some good music to make out to?
|
||||
|
||||
Bon Jovi's _New_Jersey_.
|
||||
Whitesnake's _The_Only_Road_I_Call_My_Own_.
|
||||
Van Halen's _1984_.
|
||||
Poison's _Flesh_&_Blood_.
|
||||
Led Zeppelin's _IV_.
|
||||
Judas Priest's _She's_In_Love_.
|
||||
|
||||
7) Should I affect a Australian accent to aid in pick up lines?
|
||||
|
||||
Although several glam rock dudes hail from "the land down
|
||||
under", one does not need to be foreign to be an effective "babe
|
||||
magnet."
|
||||
|
||||
So if you do not already have a Australian accent, do not
|
||||
pretend that you do. Be yourself!
|
||||
|
||||
8) Why do glam rock dudes get chicks and heavy metal dudes do not?
|
||||
|
||||
The average person might not be able to distinguish between a
|
||||
glam rock dude and a heavy metal dude. There is a difference. A glam
|
||||
rock dude has a certain smile, way of parting his hair, and twinkle in
|
||||
his eyes. The only distinguishable feature of a heavy metal dude is a
|
||||
cashed look in his eyes which more or less says "I did not get laid last
|
||||
night, instead I got drunk and drove through cemeteries in my truck,
|
||||
trying to turn over gravestones."
|
||||
|
||||
9) Do I need a leather jacket?
|
||||
|
||||
Yes, otherwise you will be laughed at! It also helps to have
|
||||
one or two dangling earrings in the _left_ ear. Remember that the more
|
||||
you can out "glam" the rest, the more chicks you will get!
|
||||
|
||||
10) I have heard that glam rock dudes have special pheromones that help
|
||||
them attract women.
|
||||
|
||||
We are looking into this.
|
||||
|
||||
11) Will glam rock ever die?
|
||||
|
||||
No. An organization called the Foundation To Keep Glam Rock
|
||||
Alive was founded in the early 1990's when it was suspected that glam
|
||||
rock might die when MTV stopped playing Poison videos and started
|
||||
playing Pearl Jam. To join, e-mail: glamrock@hotmail.com.
|
||||
|
||||
Special note to swingers: The FTKGRA has an annual convention in
|
||||
Bismarck, North Dakota. It is an excellent place to party down!
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #119 -- written by swisspope -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
29
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0123.txt
Normal file
29
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0123.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,29 @@
|
||||
|
||||
::: === :::==== :::=====
|
||||
::: === ::: === ::: HOGS OF ENTROPY TEXT FILES
|
||||
======== === === ====== HOGS OF ENTROPY ISSUE #123
|
||||
=== === === === === HOGS OF ENTROPY ROCK YOU!!
|
||||
=== === ====== ======== HOGS OF ENTROPY FOREVER#!@
|
||||
|
||||
>> "an ascii portrait of antihero" <<
|
||||
by - morpheus
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
__
|
||||
/ \
|
||||
/____|___
|
||||
()-() y0! sk8 str8
|
||||
/__ | _/' or die!!
|
||||
A \ | -.
|
||||
N / \/ \ \
|
||||
T $| | |$ `\
|
||||
I $| | |$ y0! mtv raps.
|
||||
H :------:
|
||||
E \ V /
|
||||
R /______\
|
||||
O .sS$$$$ $$$$Ss.
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #123 -- drawn by morpheus -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
78
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0124.txt
Normal file
78
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0124.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,78 @@
|
||||
|
||||
::: ::: ::::::: ::::::::::
|
||||
:+: :+: :+: :+: :+: :+: :+: :+: :+:
|
||||
+:+ +:+ +:+ +:+ +:+ +:+ +:+ +:+ +:+
|
||||
+#++:++#++:++ +#++:++#++ +#+ +:+ +#++:++# +#++:++#++:++
|
||||
+#+ +#+ +#+ +#+ +#+ +#+ +#+ +#+ +#+
|
||||
#+# #+# #+# #+# #+# #+# #+# #+# #+#
|
||||
### ### ####### ##########
|
||||
hoe issue #124
|
||||
|
||||
>> "short story (code number ORANGE)" <<
|
||||
by -> murmur
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
"dave, it's sort of dark in here. are you sure we should go on
|
||||
any farther?"
|
||||
"good lord, sarah, we're in a CAVE. did you think we were visiting
|
||||
the lighting fixture section of Menards or something? we're SPELUNKING.
|
||||
that's what SPELUNKERS do. now come on."
|
||||
sarah hadn't really wanted to go with dave this particular day. she
|
||||
was having sort of a bad hair day for one, and for two, well, caves were
|
||||
kind of dank and dark and dingy and sarah didn't really like things to be
|
||||
dank and dark and dingy. she was thirsty for a capuccino too. why had she
|
||||
let him talk her into this?
|
||||
"sarah, what the hell are you doing? you're not going to trip over
|
||||
any armadillos in here. this isn't a man-eating cave, for crying out loud.
|
||||
now come on!"
|
||||
dave wasn't entirely sure why he'd invited sarah to come with. but
|
||||
one way or the other he thought the trip might do her some good. she had
|
||||
settled into a 90s yuppie way of things with her capuccinos, etc., and dave
|
||||
thought a nice day of spelunking might be good for her. he had never
|
||||
dreamed she'd act so terrified of rocks though.
|
||||
"dave, is that a snake? DAVE, THERE'S A SNAKE! KILL IT!"
|
||||
"sarah, that's the FLOOR. familar with the concept of FLOOR?
|
||||
perhaps that rare anomalie known as the GROUND? the BOTTOM of the CAVE?
|
||||
there's no snake there. stop acting so ridiculous. you're supposed to be
|
||||
having fun, not carrying on like an infant freshly run out of apples and
|
||||
chicken."
|
||||
"now how am i supposed to have fun when i can't see more than four
|
||||
feet in front of me and i don't know what's in this cave and i'm thirsty and
|
||||
i look like i just got out of a sandstorm and i.."
|
||||
"hey, sarah? SHUT UP. okay? now you better ENJOY YOURSELF before
|
||||
i get REALLY PISSED OFF."
|
||||
sarah had better things to do than go hiking in a big old slab of
|
||||
rock or whatever a cave was. she could be at the salon or at the mall or
|
||||
better yet she could be out with some of the girls doing whatever. and she
|
||||
had real concerns, too. after all, it was thursday, and it was getting
|
||||
later in the afternoon, and ER would be on later.
|
||||
"dave, when are we going to turn back? i mean, we're kind of deep
|
||||
in this here cavern or whatever."
|
||||
"you want to turn back now? we've hardly gotten anywhere!"
|
||||
"i don't want to be back late.."
|
||||
"for ER. i know. bloody doctor shows."
|
||||
dave checked his watch. it was almost 5 and it would take them
|
||||
about a half hour to get back to the truck from where they were and another
|
||||
half hour to drive home and another half hour to eat and she probably had
|
||||
another stop to make that would take another half hour and then it would be
|
||||
almost 7 and if she got back after 7 and didn't have all 2 hours to prep for
|
||||
her stupid show she'd probably go ballistic on him so
|
||||
"alright, i guess we have gone pretty far after all. let's head
|
||||
back. and i'm sorry i snapped at you. but for the love of mogel, sarah,
|
||||
you've really got to get OUT more and away from all of the pomp and
|
||||
circumstance that you've become accustomed to."
|
||||
"yeah, you tell me that all the time. oh well, i guess this little
|
||||
spelunk bit wasn't so bad after all. i'm sorry i've made this such a
|
||||
difficult thing for you to enjoy."
|
||||
"oh, that's not the case at all. don't think of it that way. i'm
|
||||
really glad you came. now let's get headed back."
|
||||
he kissed her on the cheek and even in the dim light eminating from
|
||||
their heavy-duty flashlights by their knees he could see her face turn a
|
||||
rosier hue. he hated ER and he disliked most of her friends. but he loved
|
||||
her.
|
||||
she really didn't like the whole cave thing that much. but that was
|
||||
okay, really. she spent the day with him. that's all that really mattered.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #124 -- written by murmur -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
61
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0125.txt
Normal file
61
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0125.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,61 @@
|
||||
|
||||
# # ## ####
|
||||
# # # # # # # # #
|
||||
# # #### # # ### # #
|
||||
# # # # # # # # #
|
||||
# # # # # # # # #
|
||||
# # # # ## #### # #
|
||||
|
||||
>> "laughing" <<
|
||||
...post-modern textfile art...
|
||||
hoe #125
|
||||
by --> mogel
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
<edi> heh
|
||||
<ohseven> oh heh
|
||||
<ninjuh> hee.
|
||||
<oodles> hehe
|
||||
<fatslayer> hehe :)
|
||||
<rattle> heh :P
|
||||
<RottenZ> Heh. I like that.
|
||||
<metalchic> hah
|
||||
<cstone> haha
|
||||
<killarney> haha
|
||||
<kaia> haha!
|
||||
<zempf> hahaha
|
||||
<styx> hahaah oh shit
|
||||
<jasonf> hoho
|
||||
<Vanir^> h0h0h0%
|
||||
<u4ea> "teehee," fuckers
|
||||
<juuri> bwhahaha...
|
||||
<Pucky> Hahah bye.
|
||||
<bLACKDAWn> dipshit ahaha
|
||||
<hooker> *grin*
|
||||
<Gaurdian> Hahahaha :)
|
||||
<holly_> hahahaha
|
||||
<mogel> hahaha ok JERK
|
||||
<killarney> hahahah.
|
||||
<murmur> hahahahaaa
|
||||
<antihero> hehehehe
|
||||
<jamesy_> hqahahahahahqhahaqahaha
|
||||
<mercuri> :) :) HEHE :) :) :)
|
||||
<tao> hhahahahhaha
|
||||
<metalchic> hEE hEE!
|
||||
<TeNNiS-X> FUCK THESE LAMERS!... hahahaha... shit man
|
||||
<killarney> LOL
|
||||
<mercuri> hahahah!#@!#!@#
|
||||
<murmur> muhahaHAHAHA
|
||||
<murmur> HAHAHAHAHHAHA
|
||||
<Quarex> HAHAHAHAHA
|
||||
<Quarex> HHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
|
||||
<Quarex> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA
|
||||
<nybar> HAHahAHAHAHAAHAHahAHahha!@(!%#(&!^(*#&*)%*!% HAHAHAHA@#$(#**$#!(*
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
*** Signoff: Paradox1 (-= Log your Life =-)
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #125 -- created by mogel -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
54
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0126.txt
Normal file
54
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0126.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,54 @@
|
||||
__ __ ___ _______
|
||||
| | | | / _ \ | ____|
|
||||
| |__| | | | | | | |__
|
||||
| __ | | | | | | __| hogz of entropy issue #126
|
||||
| | | | | |_| | | |____
|
||||
|__| |__| \___/ |_______|
|
||||
|
||||
>> hey i'm in the chinese channel" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> styx
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
in complete pride, i present to you my younger cousin marc (who writes
|
||||
for "crap will eat itself"), who, only after a month of IRC, has discovered
|
||||
exactly how to make some friends. you can find him in #teen as "cram."
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
*** Log file opened: 3/10/97 12:39:28 PM
|
||||
<ihatejews> hey matt i'm in the jewish channel just thought i'd say hi were
|
||||
having the best conversation in here
|
||||
<styx> haha
|
||||
<styx> you're a fucking weirdo
|
||||
<ihatejews> they keep kicking me out of everywhere
|
||||
<ihatejews> oh shit my nick
|
||||
<ihatejews> i have to change my nick i'm getting alot of threats
|
||||
<styx> hahaha
|
||||
*** Log file closed: 3/10/97 12:42:46 PM
|
||||
|
||||
*** Log file opened: 3/10/97 12:42:40 PM
|
||||
<irapekids> ok ccol
|
||||
<styx> better
|
||||
<irapekids> yeah
|
||||
<irapekids> what is a pedophile?
|
||||
<irapekids> people keeps saying that to me
|
||||
<styx> a pedophile is a really old guy that likes really really young girls
|
||||
<irapekids> oh
|
||||
<irapekids> well see ya later i gotta go
|
||||
<styx> seeya
|
||||
*** Log file closed: 3/10/97 12:55:01 PM
|
||||
|
||||
*** Log file opened: 3/12/97 2:03:08 PM
|
||||
<ifuckrats> ok
|
||||
<styx> ok cool
|
||||
<ifuckrats> yo
|
||||
<ifuckrats> shit
|
||||
*** Log file closed: 3/12/97 2:04:09 PM
|
||||
|
||||
*** Log file opened: 3/14/97 12:42:13 PM
|
||||
<gookssuck> hey i'm in the chinese channel
|
||||
*** Log file closed: 3/14/97 12:58:52 PM
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #126 -- written by styx -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
44
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0127.txt
Normal file
44
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0127.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,44 @@
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #127
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "rise of the mogels, part four" <<
|
||||
by -> murmur
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
nybar and jubjub, much smarter than froboy, realized the severity
|
||||
of the situation. "jubjub," said nybar, "we are falling to our deaths,
|
||||
and the mogels are going to kill us." "nybar," said jubjub, "that is
|
||||
correct." "fWA! fWA!" said froboy, not realizing that mercuri was
|
||||
staring at him, all the while also falling to his death.
|
||||
|
||||
the mogels were advancing, but how were they moving? for you see,
|
||||
the cloned mogels had no toes, and all of mogel's goodness is in his toes,
|
||||
so the clones were bad bad bad. well, they were moving anyway. perhaps
|
||||
this was thanks to the stolen catapaults.
|
||||
|
||||
on to the scene raced avenger zx, he of the zx clan, seeking to
|
||||
avenge the death of froboy. when he discovered that froboy was not yet
|
||||
dead he left.
|
||||
|
||||
then on to the scene raced oregano, who caught the van and pounded
|
||||
the evil mogel clones good. unfortunately for froboy and mercuri, they
|
||||
died anyway, and unfortunately for nybar and jubjub, they had caught
|
||||
pneumonia and had to be raced to the hospital where they were put on life
|
||||
support and then suddenly and out of nowhere.
|
||||
|
||||
just then, thousands of mogels entered bloomington-normal! will
|
||||
they survive?
|
||||
|
||||
...to be continued!
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #127 -- written by murmur -- 6/11/97 *
|
||||
88
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0128.txt
Normal file
88
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0128.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,88 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #128
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "The Fun I Had with a Crazy, Old Vietnamese Lady" <<
|
||||
by -> Muze
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Listen to this wild story. I have a radio show here at college with
|
||||
two other guys. It's a morning talk show called "The Chattershack". Dumb
|
||||
name, yes I know, but I didn't make it up, so that makes me happy. Woz and
|
||||
Chicago are the guys I do the show with. My radio name......we won't discuss
|
||||
that now, that's a whole different story. Ok, so I have this radio show and
|
||||
we do crazy shit on it. This is the dumbest tho.
|
||||
|
||||
One night I was out driving around with one of my friends. We drive
|
||||
around aimlessly all the time. What else is there to do in Rensselaer?
|
||||
drink. But I didn't feel like doing that this night. So my friend, Jason,
|
||||
starts talking about spooky stuff that happens around the area. He mentions
|
||||
something about a crazy Vietnamese lady that throws things at people as they
|
||||
drive by in their cars. Sure they're not minding their own business, you
|
||||
have to honk at her to get her to come out of her house, but anyways. After
|
||||
Jason mentioned this I got _really_ curious. So I started asking tons and
|
||||
tons of questions. I find out all I need to know from Jason and move on to
|
||||
other sources. After I get all the info I can, I tell Woz and Chicago about
|
||||
it. They thought it was the funniest thing, so Woz gets the brilliant idea
|
||||
that he'll send me out one morning to harrass the old lady. And I did, we
|
||||
braodcasted it and everything. I even have in on videotape.
|
||||
|
||||
So Woz sends me, Schneider, Michelle and Sam out to this ladies
|
||||
house. Mind you, this house isn't easy to find. It took me two nights to
|
||||
find it. Let me describe the location. Corn, corn,corn, soybeans, jungle,
|
||||
soybeans, corn, corn, corn. The jungle would be Vietnam <the ladies house>.
|
||||
It's set back pretty far from the dirt road. It looks like a neat little
|
||||
house, what you can see of it. Except there's this little car sitting in the
|
||||
frontyard. All the windows and lights are smashed out of it. We're still
|
||||
not sure who's car it is, hers, or her victims. Anyway, the house is really
|
||||
hard to see from the road, but if you're at the right angle you can see parts
|
||||
of it.
|
||||
|
||||
So the four of us truck on out to the middle of nowhere at 7am not
|
||||
really expecting much. We drive be the house and honk the horn and blow an
|
||||
airhorn and stuff at the house. Nothing. So we turn around and drive back.
|
||||
I'm sitting in the passenger seat, so I have a nice view of this ladies
|
||||
jungle. I see her. At first I thought it was a broken tree branch. You
|
||||
know how the inside of a tree can have that yellowish color......well, it
|
||||
wasn't a tree branch. She was out there plain as day. All I can remember
|
||||
is the yellow. As soon as I realized it was her I ducked. Sure I had the
|
||||
video camera, but I feared for my life. I couldn't just sit there and tape
|
||||
it. I screamed as loud as I could, we all did. the cell phone we had was on
|
||||
and we were live on the air on the radio. This lady chucked a fucking $8.00
|
||||
hammer at us. And hit us hard.......she's got good fucking aim. Schneider
|
||||
yells "She broke my fucking window!@#$^". On the air. ouch. fcc. So when
|
||||
I look up, there's a fucking _claw_ hammer stuck in the windshield. Had we
|
||||
been going any faster the hammer would've shattered the passenger side window
|
||||
and knocked me in the face. I have it all on video and audio. I'll have to
|
||||
make a .wav file out of it. Funny shit after the fact. I'm still
|
||||
traumatized.
|
||||
|
||||
So no one believes us until we show them the video. They all laughed
|
||||
at my near death, but then so did I.
|
||||
|
||||
The van we were driving got a flat tire about one mile from this
|
||||
ladies house. We thought she was going to come bounding out of a field
|
||||
wielding another $8.00 hammer and kill us all. I've got to get the license
|
||||
plate number and run it. Must find out who that car belongs to. Crazy bitch
|
||||
almost took my life. But then, two nights later, I went back. Not of my own
|
||||
choice of course. I wasn't driving. She wasn't out tho, we only drove by
|
||||
once. I freaked out. Joel, who was sitting in the backseat with me had my
|
||||
head in his lap for about 5 minutes. I think he liked it. but that's it.
|
||||
that's my story.
|
||||
|
||||
Except, before we went there the first time, I knew that she throws
|
||||
things at people. Hammers, axes, shovels.....she shoots shotguns. Rumor has
|
||||
it that she killed someone and got off. Crazy people in Rensselaer. Never
|
||||
drink the water.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #128 -- written by Muze -- 11/5/97 *
|
||||
99
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0129.txt
Normal file
99
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0129.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,99 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #129
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Christ Demands More Money" <<
|
||||
by -> The Onion
|
||||
|
||||
Yes, this was stolen from The Onion.
|
||||
http://www.theonion.com
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Jesus Christ blasted Christians Monday for their decreasing
|
||||
financial support of Him. Christ said His personal revenue represents less
|
||||
than 15 percent of the world's wealth in 1997, down 400 percent from its peak
|
||||
in 1025.
|
||||
|
||||
JERUSALEM -- Dissatisfied with dwindling receipts in recent years,
|
||||
redeemer of humanity Jesus Christ issued a rare public statement Monday,
|
||||
sharply criticizing His followers' lack of generosity and demanding a marked
|
||||
increase in their contributions to the long-standing religion based upon
|
||||
belief in Him.
|
||||
|
||||
"Historically, I have asked for no more than 10 percent of the total
|
||||
earnings of my flock," said Christ in a 25-minute statement aired on
|
||||
Christian television stations throughout the world, including Trinity
|
||||
Broadcasting Network, Eternal Word Television, and Cristo Telemundo. "But
|
||||
recent cost analyses by my accountants indicate that current donations from
|
||||
my believers are not at this level and are insufficient to meet my earthly
|
||||
financial needs."
|
||||
|
||||
Christ underscored his point with an earning/expenditure chart
|
||||
illustrating that in the first quarter of 1997, He listened to an average of
|
||||
233 million prayers per day while collecting daily revenues of $6 million.
|
||||
|
||||
"This works out to just two and a half cents per prayer, which
|
||||
barely even covers my overhead," Christ said. "If this sort of fiscal
|
||||
imbalance continues, I may have to answer even fewer prayers in the future."
|
||||
|
||||
"In my Father's house are many mansions," Christ said. "They are not
|
||||
cheap to maintain."
|
||||
|
||||
Christ cited Warner Robins, GA, resident Willard Baines as a prime
|
||||
example of the sort of tight-fisted follower with whom He is frustrated.
|
||||
|
||||
"Mr. Baines owns a grain-and-feed business that takes in some
|
||||
$800,000 a year, thanks in no small part to his faith in Me. Yet, last
|
||||
Sunday, he put just a single dollar in his church's collection plate,"
|
||||
Christ said. "If I am not mistaken, this works out to a donation of just
|
||||
.00010052 percent of his overall gross-adjusted income for the said fiscal
|
||||
period, a far cry from the recommended 10 percent."
|
||||
|
||||
"He also lusted after his niece on two occasions," the Savior said.
|
||||
|
||||
Christ assured followers that He still possesses a boundless love for
|
||||
all humanity and that those who accept Him into their hearts will know
|
||||
salvation and everlasting life in Heaven, but expressed frustration over the
|
||||
feeling that He has "not, in my estimation, been getting my love's worth
|
||||
in return."
|
||||
|
||||
"My love," Christ said, "which passeth all human understanding and
|
||||
shines from the countenance of God our heavenly Father, shall be all you need
|
||||
and desire all the days of your lives. But I do need a reasonably decent
|
||||
budget to make that happen."
|
||||
|
||||
Christ told followers that his ancient covenant with humanity -- in
|
||||
which He shall act as the people's shepherd, comfort them with His rod and
|
||||
staff, and shelter them all the days of their lives -- is as good a value as
|
||||
they are likely to find anywhere.
|
||||
|
||||
"It is true that, in this era of downsizing and high prices, it
|
||||
can sometimes be difficult for a person to give unto Me 10 percent or more
|
||||
of their income, and still have enough left over for that new microwave
|
||||
or big-screen TV they've had their eye on," He said. "But do not forget that
|
||||
it is almost impossible for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
|
||||
|
||||
Christ's most esteemed Earthly messengers are hailing Monday's
|
||||
statement as long overdue. "I am pleased that Jesus has delivered this
|
||||
important message to the people of the world," Pope John Paul II said. "The
|
||||
Catholic Church must begin collecting more money now if it is to continue
|
||||
to collect money in the future." Christians worldwide are already
|
||||
responding to their savior's call.
|
||||
|
||||
"I guess I could live without a college education," said Owensboro,
|
||||
KY, Christian and mother of four Brenda Williams, 34, who recently dropped
|
||||
out of community college after donating to her church over $1,500 she
|
||||
had saved for tuition. "Some of my science courses contradicted the word of
|
||||
God, anyway."
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #129 -- stolen from The Onion -- 11/5/97 *
|
||||
67
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0130.txt
Normal file
67
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0130.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,67 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #130
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "How to Kill Your Roommate and Frame Her Fat Friends" <<
|
||||
by -> Muze
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Someone posed a really stupid question today on my radio show. "If
|
||||
7-11's are open 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?"
|
||||
|
||||
OHMYGOD! I thought. Doors aren't made without locks. Especially
|
||||
business doors. Fuckin' idiot.
|
||||
|
||||
And why do people always talk about how they're gonna do all this
|
||||
stuff and "Oh, it's going to be so great" and then two hours later they're
|
||||
doing something so detrimental to the original plan that you feel they need
|
||||
to be shot. Well, go shoot them. I give you permission. When the judge
|
||||
asks why you did it, just tell them "Muze told me to, she said it was OK."
|
||||
|
||||
The judge should let you off with about 10 years prison time. People
|
||||
always get pissed at me cuz I won't play their game. You know, smile and be
|
||||
happy no matter what's thrown your way. Act appropriatly. Me? I'm sas all
|
||||
the time, well, not _all_ the time, but mostly. I'm not goth, people mistake
|
||||
me for goth, but I don't want to pretend I'm dead. People get mad at me cuz
|
||||
I don't get all happy for them when something good happens for/to them. I'm
|
||||
selfish I guess. I need to care about the person to be happy for them.
|
||||
|
||||
The longer I stay in shcool, the dumber I feel. School is supposed
|
||||
to make you smarter. I'm not Polish, so it must be the schools fault, it
|
||||
_is_ a Catholic school. At least they don't try to make me go to church or
|
||||
anything.
|
||||
|
||||
I'm pissed off. I went to grab my dictionary yesterday and my hand
|
||||
stuck to it. "This isn't right," I thought. I picked it up and it had
|
||||
sticky orange spots all over it. So I looked in the corner it was in to
|
||||
investigate. There was orange soda spilled all over my stuff, books, coffee,
|
||||
coffee pot, electrical cords and sockets, old keyboard that used to work but
|
||||
doesn't anymore thanks to my bitch ass roommate and her fat friends. I asked
|
||||
her about it and of course she knows nothing, but she'll ask her friends
|
||||
about it. They probably know nothing too. I'm gonna charge them to use my
|
||||
computer. $5 a week, every Monday, no money, keyboard gets locked.
|
||||
|
||||
I know this is anal, but I want to kill my roommate, so maybe I can
|
||||
kill her by making her walk to the computer lab, she'll either waste away to
|
||||
nothing, or freeze to death when she can't get her fat ass out of the snow
|
||||
banks that pile up around the dorms because this is the Midwest. I think
|
||||
what I'll do is borrow a bunch of stuffed animals from friends and tie
|
||||
nooses around their necks. Then I'll hang them all over the room. Then I
|
||||
sit in a corner holding my knees to my chest rocking and looking up at the
|
||||
hanged animals saying "You shouldn't have done that." I'll be sure to get a
|
||||
single then.
|
||||
|
||||
A list needs to be made "How to scare your roommate and her fat
|
||||
friends" *or* "How to kill your roommate and frame her fat friends."
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #130 -- written by Muze -- 11/5/97 *
|
||||
74
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0131.txt
Normal file
74
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0131.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,74 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #131
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Text Files" <<
|
||||
by -> Darwin
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
It's been said that music/art/poetry is the soul exiting itself in
|
||||
hollow places. I'm not quite sure where it was said, but it certainly was,
|
||||
and it's certainly true. What then, are text files?
|
||||
|
||||
Text files are computer words... computer art. Are there any places
|
||||
hollower than computers? Is there any correspondance more false than email?
|
||||
We've given up handwriting, we've given up the scrawl of an upset
|
||||
obsessive... we've chosen letters. Perhaps we haven't chosen, but it
|
||||
certainly hasn't been thrust on us. Nobody told people to start writing text
|
||||
files, they just did. Not because they had something to say, but because the
|
||||
time demanded it. Because computers require a certain soul quotient. A
|
||||
fraction of a life. Have you ever sat down at a business computer or a
|
||||
computer that's never been used by anyone? I don't mean a new computer, I
|
||||
mean one of those computers that might as well be any other computer sold at
|
||||
radio shack. Have you felt its relief when you created a text file that had
|
||||
your friends phone number in it?
|
||||
|
||||
That's the genesis of text, I think. The capture of a fractional soul
|
||||
by a machine. Not every machine captures it, and not every person has it to
|
||||
give.
|
||||
|
||||
Is there anything more useless than text files? More anonymous, more
|
||||
invisible? Even crummy zines about indie-pop have subscribers... text files
|
||||
don't even have that. They just appear, and people read them. Text is
|
||||
automatic, its the soul shoving itself into the nearest receptacle. This is
|
||||
because the lives of those who write text have been framed in a certain
|
||||
surround. They are not satisfied, but can't take a "regular" way out of it.
|
||||
Whether they're anti-social or differently social or just like computers,
|
||||
they've made a choice. They've chosed to be ignored, because nobody really
|
||||
cares about computer people. Computer lives are very rarely important to
|
||||
anybody.
|
||||
|
||||
Perhaps that is what the truly great text writers accomplish. They
|
||||
give computers life. Their computers give them life. They tread the line
|
||||
between angsty youth writing self-depricating garbage and professionals.
|
||||
They don't have any hopes of being published, any hopes of being famous, but
|
||||
they ACT like they are. And, somehow, they are famous. The text file writer
|
||||
is a writer and is simultaneously not a writer. What is a text file but the
|
||||
writer? The text file writer is fundamentally unfulfilled, and fundamentally
|
||||
unfulfilled with being unfulfilled. He senses that there is something in the
|
||||
world which is beauty, which can be glimpsed. He may or may not realize it
|
||||
can not be grasped. He will keep trying.
|
||||
|
||||
The true art of the text file is tone of voice. Tone of voice makes
|
||||
all art, but especially one where there is no tone, and there is no voice.
|
||||
When any musical great sings, and sings like he means it.. That is the soul
|
||||
of art. That's why Bush is garbage, no matter how hard he yells. Because,
|
||||
like so much self-published angst crap, it's just paying lip service to the
|
||||
reality of fear of life. Now, this is not to say that there isn't bad text,
|
||||
in fact, there's a lot of it. But, the truly good text... is liberated by
|
||||
the fact that it is free. There is no charge, there is no gain, there is,
|
||||
ultimately, nothing created or destroyed. There is only humanity.
|
||||
|
||||
Good text files say it like they mean it.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #131 -- written by Darwin -- 11/5/97 *
|
||||
44
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0132.txt
Normal file
44
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0132.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,44 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #132
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "C-" <<
|
||||
by -> Glynis
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
<Glynis> once upon a time there was a jerk named phil WHINEans and he was a
|
||||
big big jerk. he thought everyone liked him because he didn't wear
|
||||
underwear, but in reality, everyone was appauled. so one day
|
||||
everyone was on irc, and he was being his usual jerk self...
|
||||
<Glynis> and princess glyicca came in and started talking to everyone
|
||||
<Glynis> no, glynicca
|
||||
<Glynis> glynica
|
||||
<Glynis> GLYNICA yeah
|
||||
<Glynis> princess glynica came in
|
||||
<Glynis> and she hadn't been there for a really long time
|
||||
<Glynis> so she was happy to be there. and everything was going fine until
|
||||
mr whineans decided to talk about his underwear, and rate girls.
|
||||
<Glynis> he then typed "c-c-c-c-c-c-"
|
||||
<Glynis> so then she kept thinking "c- c- c- c-"
|
||||
<Glynis> but then she remembered that phil whineans was a little harry wolf
|
||||
man, and she didn't feel so bad so she lived happily ever after.
|
||||
<Glynis> you want more?
|
||||
<mogel> yes! more!
|
||||
<Glynis> so then when harry little..err..phil whineans read his story in
|
||||
HOE, he got mad. and THEN he realized why he itched so much.
|
||||
<Glynis> so he got really pissed and howled at the moon and did some more
|
||||
drugs.
|
||||
<Glynis> then since he was on drugs, everything was fine.
|
||||
<Glynis> The End.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #132 -- written by Glynis -- 11/5/97 *
|
||||
38
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0133.txt
Normal file
38
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0133.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,38 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #133
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Reality And Fantasy: An Indepth Analysis" <<
|
||||
by -> Nybar
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
What the fuck is up with you fucking DTO people. you need to stay
|
||||
fucking rooted in the trivilties of "real life" even when you are just
|
||||
writing a fUCKING STORY! jubjub is telling me the LITTLE FUCKING PUSSY
|
||||
ASSHOLE JAMESY WILL GET FUCKING SENSITIVE ABOUT THIS RANT! WELL STICK A DYKE
|
||||
UP YER ASSHOLE! YEAH! WITH PAPRIKA ON IT! MOGEL IS TOO FUCKING SENSITIVE!
|
||||
LIFE OF CRIME?! HAH!!! HE'D GET BEATEN UP IF HE TRIED TO NAB A PURSE.
|
||||
|
||||
anyway, this is justification for all the violence in the poupey
|
||||
stories. see.. (www.voicenet.com/~poupey). fuck all you baistards. fucking
|
||||
idiots. jamesy's story on the modern oedipus complex COMPLETEY overestimated
|
||||
the sociological effect of enviroment and understimated genes. also he
|
||||
mistook cause for effect with the tit thing. he has an inferiority complex
|
||||
disguised as the opposite. mama's boy.
|
||||
|
||||
How do I justify the surrealness and violence in poupey?
|
||||
|
||||
Nybar says "Here's how", levels his gun on you and fires in one fluid
|
||||
motion. finfangfong.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #133 -- written by Nybar -- 11/24/97 *
|
||||
49
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0134.txt
Normal file
49
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0134.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,49 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #134
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Ode to Manson" <<
|
||||
by -> Taraxis
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Come on kids! Gather 'round!
|
||||
A brand new band just came to town.
|
||||
With faces white and oh-so-goth,
|
||||
You'll hear their lovely singing oft.
|
||||
|
||||
Christians say they've gone too far,
|
||||
"That Anti-Christ Superstar!"
|
||||
What Christians say gives Manson pay,
|
||||
Beautiful people line up all day.
|
||||
|
||||
While sucking cock might make one queasy,
|
||||
With ribs removed, it makes it easy!
|
||||
Manson does himself to impress his peers;
|
||||
All his homies from the Wonder Years.
|
||||
|
||||
Manson girls in their striped socks
|
||||
Yearning to suck Manson's cock. But ...
|
||||
Manson sucks his own with glee -
|
||||
An oral sex dichotomy.
|
||||
|
||||
So hop on down, get on the wagon!
|
||||
Don't let your lunchbox keep you waitin'!
|
||||
Real goths would beat your hide.
|
||||
Twiggy takes it all in stride ...
|
||||
|
||||
Next time mommy beats you senseless
|
||||
For claiming you're a neo-Fascist,
|
||||
Say, "You don't have to be so bitchy!
|
||||
Manson listens to Lionel Ritchie."
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #134 -- written by Taraxis -- 11/24/97 *
|
||||
73
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0135.txt
Normal file
73
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0135.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,73 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #135
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "asshole or bitch" <<
|
||||
by -> Styx
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
i do not know if any of you readers are familiar with ddial, but the
|
||||
following is a log of a quick conversation i had with one of the brilliant
|
||||
locals here. she is a testament to what we should all aspire to be. i
|
||||
hope you love her as much as i.
|
||||
|
||||
-------
|
||||
|
||||
Welcome to the Savage Frontier!
|
||||
Enter Password:
|
||||
PASSWORD needed for full access
|
||||
|
||||
For info enter:
|
||||
/I
|
||||
|
||||
13319 Calls / 007 Today
|
||||
|
||||
Welcome All!
|
||||
|
||||
Anyone who recruits three new users
|
||||
or brings back any old users who
|
||||
don't have passwords now, will
|
||||
be promoted to MAJOR Co-Sysop!
|
||||
|
||||
Now, sit back and relax...
|
||||
-->. +
|
||||
#2
|
||||
#1[T1:Kool Aid /ma) hi 2
|
||||
#1[T1:Kool Aid /ma) who art thou?
|
||||
#1[T1:Kool Aid /ma) give a nickname
|
||||
#2(T1:?) shut the fuck up linda
|
||||
#1[T1:Kool Aid /ma) hey what did i do moe
|
||||
#1[T1:Kool Aid /ma) im only trying to be nice
|
||||
#1[T1:Kool Aid /ma) dont be bitchy :)
|
||||
#2(T1:?) didn't i just tell you to shut up?
|
||||
#1[T1:Kool Aid /ma) but who are u?
|
||||
#1[T1:Kool Aid /ma) how lame to harrass me with no nickname
|
||||
#1[T1:Kool Aid /ma) why so rude? im trying to be nice
|
||||
#2(T1:?) it's kind of funny, like.. everytime i tell you to shut up, you
|
||||
type even more
|
||||
#2(T1:?) why do you do that?
|
||||
--> #2, call again!
|
||||
#1[T1:Kool Aid /ma) i dont know who u are, so dont attempt to harrss me
|
||||
if u dont wish to reveal a identity..
|
||||
*2(T1:?) oh well. timing out.
|
||||
*2(T1:?) kill yourself.
|
||||
#1[T1:Kool Aid /ma) fuck u
|
||||
*2(T1:?) really. kill yourself.
|
||||
#1[T1:Kool Aid /ma) asshole or bitch
|
||||
*2(T1:?) it's not a joke.
|
||||
#1[T1:Kool Aid /ma) ur mom
|
||||
*2(T1:?) bye.
|
||||
/q
|
||||
NO CARRIER
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #135 -- written by Styx -- 11/24/97 *
|
||||
57
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0136.txt
Normal file
57
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0136.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,57 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #136
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "it's all a facade" <<
|
||||
by -> Pagenwait
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
it's all a facade. all just a game.
|
||||
|
||||
watching the light drizzle fall from the barely darkened clouds, i
|
||||
sit in the cold room. dark, alone, desperate. the street lamp's faded
|
||||
light shines through and falls upon my pale face.
|
||||
|
||||
i wonder why it has to be this way... so meaningless.
|
||||
|
||||
the silvery moon hangs in the twilight as the clouds move quickly to
|
||||
mask its pureness.
|
||||
|
||||
all the clouds move quickly to mask the pureness -- the innocence.
|
||||
thousands of them. ever-changing... ever concealing fear, weakness. the
|
||||
sky grows black. the smallest glimmer is seen for a shining moment. then
|
||||
disappears. darkness creeps ever more slowly closer. enveloping.
|
||||
caressing. the drops of rain become fuller and... wetter. gently throwing
|
||||
themselves at me through the open window. trickling down me, to places i
|
||||
dare not guess.
|
||||
|
||||
standing up, i absently wipe away the sweat gathered upon my face.
|
||||
slowly making my way through the filth of my life, i come to a mirror. at
|
||||
least, i think it is. i looked; looking back is someone else. even i have
|
||||
deserted myself.
|
||||
|
||||
out of the corner of my eye, something moves. i turn suddenly enough
|
||||
to see the purple paisley man crawl back into my wall.
|
||||
|
||||
he wants me. i know he wants me. he tells me so when i'm asleep.
|
||||
|
||||
lightning shatters the darkness, followed swiftly by thunder. the
|
||||
rain now pelts into my home, my sanctuary. rushing to the window, i run
|
||||
into my faults, sitting there in a bucket on the floor. my own fucking rage
|
||||
tears into me, leaving a severed limb. i limp towards the window a little
|
||||
more carefully than before. rain and blood mingle upon the soiled remains
|
||||
of myself.
|
||||
|
||||
closing the window, i close myself.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #136 -- written by Pagenwait -- 11/24/97 *
|
||||
77
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0137.txt
Normal file
77
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0137.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,77 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #137
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "hemmorhoids" <<
|
||||
by -> shadow tao
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
art computer lab: 11:43am
|
||||
|
||||
"jaawanna shoomahhada hok up the zipdurv an yooit unnah phonoshot?"
|
||||
|
||||
"what?"
|
||||
|
||||
annoyed look. turns head and looks at the door for a sec, then back
|
||||
to me and tries again.
|
||||
|
||||
"yano, maaahhn, somee hada, yoono, hoo uhthe zipdrive?
|
||||
phodosssshawp?"
|
||||
|
||||
"are you speaking english? can you speak _ANG-GLISH_?"
|
||||
|
||||
i make talking gestures with my hands, with accompanying "ba doo doo
|
||||
DOO!" sounds. he looks pissed. i move away from the desk in my chair,
|
||||
spinning it around and around, giggling like a three year old on
|
||||
sugar-frosted-coco-bombs (with Fiber!). a woman comes up to the desk.
|
||||
|
||||
"are the printers working?"
|
||||
|
||||
"i dunno. let's ask them." .. half spin .. "are you working?"
|
||||
silence.
|
||||
"they say yes."
|
||||
|
||||
"um. ok. then why aren't they printing my stuff?"
|
||||
|
||||
"oh, it's prolly something. you know. maybe they don't like you."
|
||||
"could you get them to .. uhm.. like me? i need this paper by 1.
|
||||
seriously."
|
||||
|
||||
"lady, i'm a lab monitor. not a counselor. i just suggest a good
|
||||
rubdown. maybe sex. that appeases them."
|
||||
|
||||
"jesus, you're rude."
|
||||
|
||||
"no, ma'am. i'm Buck Naked, forest ranger." she storms off.
|
||||
"your boss is gonna hear about this."
|
||||
|
||||
a guy dressed in a leather jacket and pants saunters up to the desk,
|
||||
his hands wrapped in spiked bondage gloves. he has a big dog collar on,
|
||||
with a chain leading down to his pants zipper. he twists his head around,
|
||||
letting black strands of hair fall back behind his head.
|
||||
the quiet drums and flutes of my dark, ambient music gently fill my
|
||||
little help cubicle.
|
||||
|
||||
"WHOA. _duuuuude_. dead can dance! they fucking rock. they
|
||||
fucking rock so hard."
|
||||
|
||||
he reaches over the ledge to grab the cd case, revealing the nearly
|
||||
illegible font of a Deicide shirt.
|
||||
|
||||
"god, dead can dance kicks so much ass. they fuckin' rock so hard."
|
||||
|
||||
i give him his prints for free.
|
||||
|
||||
i love my job.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #137 -- written by Shadow Tao -- 12/4/97 *
|
||||
62
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0138.txt
Normal file
62
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0138.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,62 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #138
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Killing Time on a Sunday Afternoon" <<
|
||||
by -> Legion
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Have you ever noticed the way stupid people drive? You know who I'm
|
||||
talking about. The ones who cut you off on the highway. The ones who take
|
||||
up both lanes because they can't seem to make up their mind which one they
|
||||
want to drive in. Those guys.
|
||||
|
||||
The ones who piss me off most are the ones who never signal a turn.
|
||||
Just how hard is it to reach out your finger and flick that little turn
|
||||
signal lever, anyway? My theory is that these people are simply too lazy to
|
||||
use their blinkers once in a while. These lazy fucks can't possibly be
|
||||
productive members of society.
|
||||
|
||||
So anyhow, I went to a busy corner last night (Saturday) to do some
|
||||
observing. I noticed that the worst "blinker offenders" are snobby yuppie
|
||||
types with nice cars. I wanted to mess up one of these nice cars to show the
|
||||
offenders the error of their ways.
|
||||
|
||||
So today I grabbed my short-handled maul (like a sledgehammer with a
|
||||
short handle (hence the name, stupid)) and headed for the corner once more.
|
||||
Hiding the maul between my back and the lightpost, I waited for an opportune
|
||||
moment. At last, I saw my target: a trendily-dressed yuppie in a green
|
||||
Chevy Blazer that sparkled from a recent wash. He pulled up to the corner
|
||||
(failing to utilize his turn signal actuator) and stuck his head out the
|
||||
window to look for a clear spot in traffic. I sauntered to his truck,
|
||||
raised the maul, and brought it *whoomp!*ing down in a perfect arc.
|
||||
|
||||
Well, almost perfect. I was aiming for the nice shiny chrome side-
|
||||
view mirror, but I ended up slamming the 10-pound maul into the offender's
|
||||
temple. His eyes sort of bulged out and he groaned as he slumped a bit in
|
||||
his seat. Well, I didn't need any lawsuits cluttering up my busy schedule,
|
||||
so I figured I'd put the poor bastard out of his misery. I raised the maul
|
||||
for another go, but his foot apparently slipped off the brake pedal, because
|
||||
his truck started easing out into the oncoming traffic.
|
||||
|
||||
I started jogging alongside the Blazer, giving him a whack every few
|
||||
seconds when I could lift the heavy maul. "Die, die, shithead, die!" I
|
||||
screeched while turning his head into spaghetti sauce. But I couldn't hear
|
||||
myself very well over the sounds of the oncoming traffic swerving around us
|
||||
with blaring horns, shouting "hey you moron, get the fuck outta the road!"
|
||||
Their taunts didn't disturb me as much as the fact that they didn't signal
|
||||
before they swerved into the next lane. But that's all right.
|
||||
|
||||
I'll take care of them tomorrow.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #138 -- written by Legion -- 12/4/97 *
|
||||
105
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0139.txt
Normal file
105
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0139.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,105 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #139
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "potato salad" <<
|
||||
by -> murmur
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
prologue: this is the tale of shizbit of the planet patheticos in a
|
||||
far away galaxy. shizbit was sent to earth to try to understand how
|
||||
earthlings work. disguised as an earth creature, he was able to enroll in a
|
||||
small liberal arts university in the midwest, hoping that this would enable
|
||||
him to investigate earthlings on a very personal level. of course, shizbit,
|
||||
being vaguely unfamiliar with certain earthling traditions, like headbutts
|
||||
and handshakes, would have to rely mostly on his roommate for cues on how to
|
||||
"be" an earthling. unfortunately for shizbit, he was assigned for a
|
||||
roommate an individual known as enos. the following are from his daily logs
|
||||
back to patheticos. after three months, shizbit, having reached the point
|
||||
of clinical insanity, was recalled to patheticos, where he remains in a
|
||||
janitorial position.
|
||||
|
||||
earth day.
|
||||
|
||||
08/28/96: i am settled in to my 'dorm room'. my roommate, enos gain, has
|
||||
not yet arrived. these rooms are particularly interesting; there
|
||||
appear to be multiple 'outlets' in the walls for various types of
|
||||
earth devices. enos and i shall each have a desk and a dresser
|
||||
and a 'closet' device. i could grow to like this place, i think.
|
||||
|
||||
08/29/96: enos has arrived, and is already well on his way to breaking any
|
||||
conceived notion i had of how earth creatures operate. all of
|
||||
his carrying devices have bright red decals attached to them
|
||||
which say "ETHIOPIAN AIRLINES". he has brought what he claims to
|
||||
be a 'starfish colony' and he has many tubes of the earth
|
||||
specimen known as 'toothpaste', yet his teeth are quite green, so
|
||||
perhaps 'toothpaste' has a different meaning than i once thought.
|
||||
i am so fortunate to have for a roommate such a fine specimen. i
|
||||
shall learn a great deal from him, i am quite sure.
|
||||
|
||||
08/30/96: enos woke up at 4 a.m. this morning claiming that he had to
|
||||
undergo his daily spleen cleansing. i am very curious about what
|
||||
this "spleen cleansing" operation entails. he has also stapled
|
||||
many brownish shrazplot-shaped objects that he calls "mama's
|
||||
bratwursts" to the walls. i am not sure if this is for
|
||||
decoration or for insect attraction. i had always been under the
|
||||
impression that insects were not welcome by earthlings, but
|
||||
apparently that is not the case. how fascinating.
|
||||
|
||||
08/31/96: these earth beings are very odd indeed. many of them appear to
|
||||
become quite saddened when i inform them that my roommate is enos
|
||||
gain. i do not understand. one of them commented, "that sucks,
|
||||
dued" but i have no idea what is sucking what or who "dued" is.
|
||||
my earth name is johnny, recall. i also went to my first classes
|
||||
today. there are many earth creatures that wear these contorted
|
||||
objects called 'hats'. it appears to be to keep the insects out
|
||||
of their eyelids. perhaps i shall need to get a 'hat'. enos has
|
||||
such a 'hat', but i can not read what is written on it because it
|
||||
appears that it has been through an earth fire.
|
||||
|
||||
09/01/96: the 'r.a.' stopped by today while enos was out and asked me why
|
||||
we had bratwursts stapled to the walls. i told him i thought it
|
||||
was to attract insects and he looked at me very oddly and said he
|
||||
would return later. also, the colony of starfish appeared to be
|
||||
moving today. they are very tiny creatures and i am not at all
|
||||
sure what the appeal is. they are contained in what is known as
|
||||
a 'pitcher' and there is an open packet next to the 'pitcher'
|
||||
that says something about "sea monkey food". i do not understand
|
||||
such things yet.
|
||||
|
||||
09/02/96: there is this unusual earth specimen called 'candy'. the premise
|
||||
of this candy is to be "tasty" and supposedly to "happy one's
|
||||
mouth." i have seen many people eating this candy called the
|
||||
'mint' which is a small globuzo-shaped object. enos offered me
|
||||
some of his candy today and said it was very good candy and he
|
||||
liked it a lot. this 'opium' he gave me did not make very much
|
||||
sense to me. apparently enos was adversely affected by the candy
|
||||
because he suddenly declared it was "time to mellow out, dued."
|
||||
i still do not know who "dued" is or why people keep discussing
|
||||
this individual, but i'm determined to figure it out. enos
|
||||
passed out shortly thereafter.
|
||||
|
||||
09/03/96: i was invited to a "jammin frat party" today and i thought this
|
||||
might be an excellent opportunity to see how earth people
|
||||
interact. i was shocked. large men wearing the 'hats' drink
|
||||
massive quantities of 'alcohol' and 'dance' with earth women that
|
||||
often have large fatzuus stuck to their chests and they too drink
|
||||
this 'alcohol'. alcohol must be another kind of candy like the
|
||||
opium enos so enjoys. i then followed an earth man and woman
|
||||
into this room and apparently their tongue muscles were engaging
|
||||
in a fistfight, not all that unlike the phelephuls from
|
||||
boronisfifthelementia.
|
||||
|
||||
-/- END OF TRANSMISSION -/-
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #139 -- written by Murmur -- 12/4/97 *
|
||||
116
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0140.txt
Normal file
116
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0140.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,116 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #140
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Enter MatCat" <<
|
||||
by -> Antihero
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: welp if you wanna say you
|
||||
hate me for no reason go ahead, cause i know u have the fealing you
|
||||
hate me but you real
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: really sont
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: sont = sont
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: !!! sont=dont
|
||||
|
||||
**** Cyberleader logged OFF! 136 lines in use.
|
||||
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: good night
|
||||
|
||||
:/p mat DIE.
|
||||
|
||||
<<<< Paging MatCat >>>>
|
||||
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: :)
|
||||
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: just tell me why u hate me,
|
||||
cause if you dont i know you dont have any reason for hating me
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: it is a simple case of you
|
||||
told ur self you hate me and you beleived yourself
|
||||
|
||||
**** Oedipus Rex logged OFF! 135 lines in use.
|
||||
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: that is what i did in school,
|
||||
i told myself things, i started beleving what i told myself and got in
|
||||
trouble
|
||||
|
||||
**** Oedipus Rex logged ON! 136 lines in use.
|
||||
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: telling yourself things and
|
||||
beleiving them can be very dangerous, i am just trying to help you
|
||||
|
||||
**** Mondain logged ON! 134 lines in use.
|
||||
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: i am not the fat little kid
|
||||
you think i am
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: cause i am not affraid of you
|
||||
nor am i beleiving any threats you may say
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: i am a christian, it is my
|
||||
job to preach to you, and dont take what i say as a joke either, you
|
||||
should become one too
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: being a christian is fun and
|
||||
rewarding
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: much more rewarding them
|
||||
doing drugs
|
||||
|
||||
**** Wagz logged ON! 134 lines in use.
|
||||
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: u do drugs and all it oes is
|
||||
hurt you more and more everytime u take a puff of that pot
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: jesus doesnt hurt he helps he
|
||||
loves
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: and he doesnt stop loving,
|
||||
and he doest come with side affects either
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: I beleive you have much
|
||||
talnet, but doin drugs and being in idiot with your life isnt helping
|
||||
|
||||
**** Baggio logged ON! 136 lines in use.
|
||||
**** Preferred Stock logged OFF! 137 lines in use.
|
||||
**** Baggio logged OFF! 135 lines in use.
|
||||
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from HOTELeconference: Pray this> Dear Jesus,
|
||||
please forgive my sins and come into my heart, for i beleive you died
|
||||
on the cross to save me ...
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from HOTELeconference: and to deliver me from my
|
||||
sins
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from HOTELeconference: and help me to not do drugs
|
||||
or do or be part of any evil i am in know
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from HOTELeconference: and love me and help me to
|
||||
be a christian, amen
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from HOTELeconference: say that prair
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from HOTELeconference: it will change your life
|
||||
forever
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from HOTELeconference: i will ask you every day to
|
||||
say that prair until you do
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from HOTELeconference: cause Jesus is more
|
||||
powerful then the deamons and evil you have in you at this moment that
|
||||
is cauin you pain and missory
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from HOTELeconference: u kn/p anti u know / i know
|
||||
u are feelin pain and missory cause i felt it too once before
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from HOTELeconference: welp c ya tommoroq
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from HOTELeconference: tommorow that is
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: i will be prayin for ya
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: and i forgive you for hackin
|
||||
my acct
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: it wasnt your will to do it
|
||||
but it was satens will
|
||||
|
||||
:/p mat i didn't hack your account.
|
||||
|
||||
<<<< Paging MatCat >>>>
|
||||
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: then do you know who did?
|
||||
>>>> MatCat is paging you from Menuing System: it is nice to know you where
|
||||
payin attention to what i said
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #140 -- written by Antihero -- 12/4/97 *
|
||||
187
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0141.txt
Normal file
187
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0141.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,187 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #141
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "A Womans's Guide to Geeky Guys" <<
|
||||
by -> Lonewolf
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Editor's Note: It came to my attention after publication that
|
||||
this article actually came from BunnyHop and was published in 1994. It's
|
||||
an article that has apparently been re-published without permission
|
||||
dozens of times and we feel awful sorry that some random idiot pretended
|
||||
that they wrote it.
|
||||
|
||||
Here's the original URL:
|
||||
|
||||
http://www.bunnyhop.com/BH5/geekguys.html
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
So, your crush on the bass player from Vibrating Sandbox has finally
|
||||
died a whimpering death and you're wondering where to go from here. All the
|
||||
sinister dudes are either dating a series of interchangeable high-school
|
||||
riot girls in baby doll dresses and an overdose of manic panic, or
|
||||
permanently shacked up with some bitter old lady who pays all the bills.
|
||||
Which will it be, a wifely prison or a humiliating one night stand? Into
|
||||
this void of potential mates comes a man you may not have considered before,
|
||||
a man of substance, quietude and stability, a cerebral creature with a
|
||||
culture all his own. In short, a geek.
|
||||
|
||||
_Why Geek Dudes Rule_
|
||||
|
||||
They are generally available.
|
||||
|
||||
Other women will tend not to steal them.
|
||||
|
||||
They can fix things.
|
||||
|
||||
Your parents will love them.
|
||||
|
||||
They're smart.
|
||||
|
||||
_Where The Geek Dude Lurks_
|
||||
|
||||
While they are often into alternative music, geek dudes tend not to
|
||||
go to shows too often. Instead you'll find them hanging out with their
|
||||
friends, discussing the latest hardware revolution or perfecting their Bill
|
||||
Gates impressions. You know how some people wear t-shirts with their
|
||||
favorite bands on them, thus showing that they went to certain shows? Well,
|
||||
geek dudes wear t-shirts with the logos of different software companies on
|
||||
them, thus showing that they are up on the latest, um, releases. A small,
|
||||
though convivial, rivalry may be detected here amongst the geek dudes. Try
|
||||
wearing one yourself and see if he strikes up a conversation.
|
||||
|
||||
Of course the best way to meet a geek dude is through the Internet.
|
||||
All geeks harbor a secret fantasy about meeting some girl in cyberspace,
|
||||
carrying on an e-mail romance in which he has the chance to combine an
|
||||
activity he is comfortable with, computing, with one he is very
|
||||
uncomfortable with, socializing. To many geek dudes, cyberdating is just an
|
||||
advanced form of some kind of video game, but they are frustrated by a lack
|
||||
of players. Their lack is your strength.
|
||||
|
||||
_Imprinting_
|
||||
|
||||
You might notice that these men harbor some strange ideas about how
|
||||
the world works and some particularly strange ideas about women. There is a
|
||||
reason for this. Because they've had limited interpersonal experience, geek
|
||||
dudes must look elsewhere for behavior models. Lacking a real world social
|
||||
milieu, geeks often go through a transference stage with such narratives,
|
||||
and try to model their interactions on them. Thus, certain media images and
|
||||
themes come to have an overly cathected, metaphorized reality to them, while
|
||||
the rest of us view such programming as mere entertainment. Case in point,
|
||||
our next topic...
|
||||
|
||||
_The Trek Factor_
|
||||
|
||||
If you're not up on your Star Trek, you can forget about getting or
|
||||
keeping a geek dude. And I'm not just talking vintage-era Captain Kirk and
|
||||
Spock either. You've got to be up on your The Next Generation, your Deep
|
||||
Space Nine, your Babylon 5. Armed with your own knowledge of Federation
|
||||
policies, you can better gauge when and how to act. The sexual politics of
|
||||
Star Trek are pretty blunt: the men run the technology and the ship, and
|
||||
the women are caretakers (a doctor and a counselor). Note the sexual
|
||||
tensions on the bridge of the Enterprise: the women, in skin tight
|
||||
uniforms, and with luxuriant, flowing hair. The men, often balding, and
|
||||
sporting some sort of permanently attached computer auxiliary. This world
|
||||
metaphorizes the fantasies of the geek dude, who sees himself in the
|
||||
geeky-but-heroic male officers and who secretly desires a sexy, smart,
|
||||
Deanna or Bev to come along and deferentially accept him for who he is. If
|
||||
you are willing to accept that this is his starting point for reality, you
|
||||
are ready for a geek relationship.
|
||||
|
||||
_Once You've Got Him_
|
||||
|
||||
Of course, catching that geek guy is only half the battle. Keeping
|
||||
him by your side is another story altogether. I was privileged to speak
|
||||
with Miss Victoria Maat, who not only got herself a geek guy but was also
|
||||
clever enough to marry him just a few short months ago. She interrupted her
|
||||
newlywed bliss to give us a few tips on the care and feeding of a geek man:
|
||||
|
||||
"Geeks are sensitive and caring lovers and husbands. If you can hang
|
||||
with the techno-lifestyle, they make the best mates. They are the most
|
||||
attractive people, not flashy or hunky, but the kind who get cuter and more
|
||||
alluring over time (I told you she was a newlywed). Definitely give geeks a
|
||||
chance."
|
||||
|
||||
_Geek Cuisine_
|
||||
|
||||
Geeks tend towards packaged, junk foods since they prefer to work and
|
||||
think and aren't all that into cooking for themselves. Make sure that your
|
||||
geek understands that you are not merely a replicator, and provide him with
|
||||
home cooked food. A batch of chocolate chip cookies will let him know that
|
||||
you love him. You do have to monitor your geek for weight gain; however,
|
||||
remember that most of their days are spent sitting and staring at a monitor.
|
||||
|
||||
_Geek Lifestyle_
|
||||
|
||||
The geek dude has long work habits and tends to bring his work home
|
||||
with him. He seems permanently connected to his hard disk. You must at
|
||||
least appear interested in his work. Generally, a solid understanding of
|
||||
the computer is a must; if you cannot master this, you should at least be
|
||||
able to talk the talk. Remember most geeks are anal and they get stressed
|
||||
about details which appear insignificant. Be understanding, put on your
|
||||
best Deanna Troi face (see above) and empathize.
|
||||
|
||||
To relax, geeks love to play the latest computer games. Let him play
|
||||
_Myst_ or Chuck Yeager's _Air Combat_ for hours if he wants to. Act
|
||||
concerned if he's stuck or has just been ambushed by three MiGs. My geek
|
||||
loves to try to help people on the Internet who say that they are stuck in
|
||||
_Myst_. He comes up with clever riddles instead of directing them point
|
||||
blank. Geeks also like to go to sci-fi and Japanese animated movies,
|
||||
again, a basically harmless vent for your man.
|
||||
|
||||
_Geek Buddies_
|
||||
|
||||
Many geeks extend their work friendships into what they jokingly
|
||||
refer to as RL (Real Life, also known as 'that big room with the ceiling
|
||||
that is sometimes blue and sometimes black with little lights'). The
|
||||
greatest thing about your geek's buddies is that you can feel secure in
|
||||
setting them up with your girlfriends. They may feel awkward around females
|
||||
at first, so don't overwhelm them. In time they will come out of their
|
||||
shell and realize that you are into the same things they are.
|
||||
|
||||
Oh yeah...
|
||||
|
||||
I thank Victoria for the above advice. I must say that when she read
|
||||
my draft of the piece, before writing her section, she asked her husband
|
||||
which one he thought she was more like, Deanna or Beverly. Howard, the
|
||||
devil, immediately replied that he had always thought Victoria was actually
|
||||
most like Ensign Ro Laren, a cute character with a slight authority problem
|
||||
who is always had trouble (this is fairly apt).
|
||||
|
||||
This exchange is interesting for several reasons:
|
||||
|
||||
Howard had already thought about who she was most like.
|
||||
|
||||
He could summon up characters from seasons past with ease.
|
||||
|
||||
Victoria actually knew who he meant.
|
||||
|
||||
Folks, I think this marriage will last.
|
||||
|
||||
_One Last Thing_
|
||||
|
||||
Because they have been so abused and ignored by society, many geeks
|
||||
have gone underground. You may actually know some and just haven't noticed
|
||||
them. They often feel resentful, and misunderstood, and it is important to
|
||||
realize this as you grow closer to them. Don't ever try to force the issue,
|
||||
or make crazy demands that he choose between his computer and you.
|
||||
Remember, his computer has been there for him his whole life; you are a new
|
||||
interloper he hasn't quite grasped yet.
|
||||
|
||||
Geek dudes thrive on mystery and love challenges and intellectual
|
||||
puzzles. Don't you consider yourself one? Wouldn't you like a little
|
||||
intellectual stimulation or your own? We thought so.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #141 -- written by Lonewolf -- 12/4/97 *
|
||||
96
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0142.txt
Normal file
96
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0142.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,96 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #142
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Are You Calling Me A Liar?" <<
|
||||
by -> Trilobyte
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
From: tril@dto.net
|
||||
To: ???@???.???
|
||||
Date: Tue, 26 Aug 1997 16:54:33 -0600
|
||||
X-Mailer: YAM 1.3.4 - Amiga Mailer by Marcel Beck
|
||||
Subject: my mother
|
||||
|
||||
i have come armed with a complete example of why my mother is so stupid.
|
||||
|
||||
school starts tomorrow. she wants me to go out and get supplies today. my
|
||||
sunbird is in the shop. my buick is missing the rear window, thereby having
|
||||
a large hole in the roof. she is gone with her car, my father is gone with
|
||||
his car. that leaves a scooter/moped and my bicycle. i decide that i will
|
||||
go out in the buick to get school supplies. when i walk outside, i see that
|
||||
it is completely overcast and there are a few low-hanging dark clouds. i,
|
||||
being the aged and wise person that i have grown to be, decided that it
|
||||
looked as if it were about to rain.
|
||||
|
||||
my mother comes home.
|
||||
|
||||
"did you do _anything_ you were supposed to?"
|
||||
|
||||
i told her that i shaved. i was also supposed to call the barber for an
|
||||
appointment, possibly for today, but decided that i had too many things to
|
||||
do today, so i didn't call him. she was not happy about this, and argued
|
||||
that i could fit it in. i said it wasn't important, then she asked later if
|
||||
she should call and make an appointment.
|
||||
|
||||
"sure. but not for thursday, i'm working then."
|
||||
"thursday?! i'm talking about today!!"
|
||||
"i told you i didn't want an appointment for today."
|
||||
"you never get anything done. bla bla bla bla." <slams door>
|
||||
|
||||
so. anyway. i then say that i didn't go out and get supplies because it
|
||||
looked as if it was going to rain. she gets very angry.
|
||||
|
||||
"WELL. YOU must have been looking THIS MORNING because the sky is perfectly
|
||||
clear and the sun is shining bright. you have NO excuse to have not gone
|
||||
out and gotten school supplies."
|
||||
"my buick has no rear window. if it were to rain --"
|
||||
"if it was going to rain, you wouldn't get that wet. and if you're so
|
||||
concerned about it, why don't you just walk or take your scooter?"
|
||||
|
||||
<i don't even touch the stupidity of this fucking comment.>
|
||||
|
||||
i walk upstairs to look outside. it is still completely overcast with
|
||||
little, low-hanging, dark-gray clouds looming.
|
||||
|
||||
"oh yeah, mom, it's completely sun-shiny and happy. look at this. it's
|
||||
completely overcast. WHY would you LIE about that?"
|
||||
|
||||
<my mother HATES being called a liar.>
|
||||
|
||||
"ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?"
|
||||
"you just completely lied about something pointless to try and prove your
|
||||
non-existant point!"
|
||||
"LISTEN HERE. YOU NEVER EVER CALL ME A LIAR EVER AGAIN. I AM _NOT_ A LIAR.
|
||||
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD EVEN SAY SUCH A THING."
|
||||
|
||||
<she continues to mumble and moan and groan as i avoid her and go
|
||||
downstairs. she will, for the next 10 minutes, open the basement door, yell
|
||||
something inane and stupid at me, and then SLAM the door really hard. this
|
||||
will happen 4 or 5 times within the following 10 minute period. then she
|
||||
will come downstairs, sit on the stairs, and with a syrupy-sweet voice, say
|
||||
something else to try to get my goat, and then act like she was just asking
|
||||
very nicely. i play along with this argument for a while, and then ignore
|
||||
her, because she's doing this for herself. she needs to do this. i'm only
|
||||
here as a prop. that's why i gave her a lego-man one time. i told her to
|
||||
take out all of her frustration on him, not me. it didn't work. he just
|
||||
sits on top of the microwave doing nothing all the time. lucky stiff.>
|
||||
|
||||
i bought one of those Tyco Lego-phones at the salvation army yesterday.
|
||||
it's rad. i always wanted one when i was a kid. well, sort of. i always
|
||||
preferred cordless phones, so no matter how cool a phone was, if it wasn't
|
||||
cordless, i considered it to be useless.
|
||||
|
||||
hey hey.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #142 -- written by Trilobyte -- 12/9/97 *
|
||||
85
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0143.txt
Normal file
85
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0143.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,85 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #143
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Carmex Rocks My World" <<
|
||||
*or*
|
||||
>> Confessions of a Hardcore, Down & Out, Gutter-Dwellin' Addict <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> MoonBagel
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
I have a dirty little secret. My family and friends have their
|
||||
suspicions, I'm sure, but they dare not confront me with their accusations
|
||||
and tears and hurt.
|
||||
|
||||
I have it completely under control. Really. I just don't want to
|
||||
quit -- I like it. And how could I not? The euphoric bliss as my body
|
||||
absorbs the sweet balm...
|
||||
|
||||
I used to use it occasionally. Maybe during the cold, dry, lonely
|
||||
winter months when I needed to cling to something tangible instead of
|
||||
maddening abstract thoughts about God and the universe and my purpose, if
|
||||
any of those really existed outside of my confused, lost adolescent cranium.
|
||||
Philosophical musings contented me in the warmer seasons -- they'd float
|
||||
about in front of my face and behind my head and inside of it, too --
|
||||
sometimes they would bump and merge. Oftentimes the bubbles would just
|
||||
burst.
|
||||
|
||||
In the winter I could ski, sled, raise general hell -- but I was
|
||||
always yearning for something I could keep in my pocket or hold in my hand.
|
||||
Those outdoor activities were maddening for lack of a suitable talisman.
|
||||
|
||||
Along came my satori.
|
||||
|
||||
I was 14 years old, out raising some of that crazy middle school
|
||||
hell. I could take it no longer -- my lips were cracked and
|
||||
uncharacteristically crimson, and I could bear not another minute without
|
||||
that mystical healing agent I sensed was in close proximity.
|
||||
|
||||
"I am chapped! I must have a balm!" I howled, startling cats and
|
||||
younger siblings and elderly passersby. They assumed it was just my lips
|
||||
that were chapped, but this sensation was so much more profound than that.
|
||||
It reached my soul.
|
||||
|
||||
"Shut up -- use my Carmex."
|
||||
|
||||
And thus ends my search, and begins my gradual downfall. Those first
|
||||
weeks I would be satisfied merely having my little yellow-capped talisman
|
||||
close at hand, in case of emergencies. I would smooth a thin,
|
||||
barely-perceivable layer over my lips, and instantly be soothed for days. I
|
||||
was strong.
|
||||
|
||||
There were no suspicions -- there was no problem. There isn't any
|
||||
real problem now. "My, you have moist, un-chapped lips!" was the only
|
||||
comment I heard regarding my special friend.
|
||||
|
||||
Now I hear snickering as I pass acquaintances and former friends on
|
||||
the street. I try to tell myself that they're merely envious, but the world
|
||||
comes crashing down when I try to use a straw or wipe my mouth with a
|
||||
napkin. My lips slip off the straws; there are frighteningly obvious
|
||||
grease-stains on the napkins. My chin is constantly covered in throbbing
|
||||
pimples, my pores being permanently clogged by excess Carmex.
|
||||
|
||||
To think once a week used to be enough... I should "Huzzah!" now if I
|
||||
make it through two hours.
|
||||
|
||||
I don't have a problem, though. It's all under control. I could
|
||||
stop any minute, if I wanted to, but I like it this way -- I'm warm and
|
||||
moist and never chapped. I haven't had a cold sore in over three years.
|
||||
|
||||
I bow to thee, Menthol, and to thee, Camphor and Alum, and Salicylic
|
||||
Acid, Phenol, Fragrance (O mighty Fragrance!), Lanolin, Cocoa Butter, and
|
||||
Wax base, in turn.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #143 -- written by MoonBagel -- 12/9/97 *
|
||||
28
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0144.txt
Normal file
28
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0144.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,28 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #144
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "A Sentence" <<
|
||||
|
||||
a text file that could *only*
|
||||
be written by -> Orestes
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Ultimately, in breaking up, Casey revealed to me what she never
|
||||
could, her tears and her true emotion; but I did not join her, maybe because
|
||||
she was crying for what never was, for the severing of a connection which
|
||||
reached a level not nearly as low as the pain of the cut itself; I wonder if
|
||||
I should have cried and if I should have let her destroy what we had, but we
|
||||
couldn't even talk about what we said or what we did.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #144 -- written by Orestes -- 12/9/97 *
|
||||
78
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0145.txt
Normal file
78
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0145.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,78 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #145
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Here's The Story of a Cat Named Buddy" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Trip
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
"It's 3:45 am. Where the hell is my food? I'm a cat!@ I require mass
|
||||
amounts of food, you dumbbutt humans!@ feed me!@" Buddy thought to himself.
|
||||
|
||||
"ME0W!@#$#@$#$@%%$&"
|
||||
|
||||
Mari walks in, half dazed and smoking a cigarette. A cheap cigarette. Mari
|
||||
radiates a vibe of 'you damn cats are eating me out of home and cigarettes'
|
||||
with a mere glance, as she passes to the counter. The same routine every
|
||||
morning, unchanging, yet Buddy and his fellow felines feel determined that
|
||||
if they don't constantly pester Mari for their daily dosage of Friskies Cat
|
||||
Food, they may never eat again.
|
||||
|
||||
"M300000000W!@@!#@!@!@!@!@~!~!@"
|
||||
|
||||
"I'M GETTING IT, you ungrateful little bag of fur."
|
||||
|
||||
"me0ow!@?"
|
||||
|
||||
"You heard me."
|
||||
|
||||
Mari takes a can from the stock pile of Friskies, reaches for the can
|
||||
opener, and prepares the band of renegade felines their food. Buddy, growing
|
||||
ever hungry, is constantly under her feet, going in circles, meowing like
|
||||
nobodies business.
|
||||
|
||||
Bridget and Buddy, in unision, "ME0W!@!@!@@@!"
|
||||
|
||||
"IT'S ALMOST FUCKING READY, YOU RAT BASTARDS."
|
||||
|
||||
"meow."
|
||||
|
||||
Battling her way through a barrage of cats, she reaches down & retrives the
|
||||
food dishes. Scooping food into each dish, she meshes it all into a coarse
|
||||
gravel-like texture.
|
||||
|
||||
"Why do i bother? I should just put this in the dish in one big chunk,
|
||||
they'll still fucking gobble it down."
|
||||
|
||||
She finishes meshing the food.
|
||||
|
||||
Now, Clairance has been awoken by the pleasant aroma of the fish flavored
|
||||
food, and is now in the bunch. A large, 20 pound albino American White Hair.
|
||||
Clairance gets beaten daily by the two, smaller cats, and has the scratches
|
||||
to prove it.
|
||||
|
||||
Petting him, Mari puts Clairance's bowl on the ground first. "Poor kitty."
|
||||
|
||||
"ME00000W!@!#!#!@!@#$$#&^"
|
||||
|
||||
"Don't make me get violent, Buddy."
|
||||
|
||||
Finished with her morning chore, Mari puts the two dishes for Buddy and
|
||||
Bridget on the ground, and they immediately begin eating like wild animals.
|
||||
|
||||
Mari begins to stumble back to bed, and is met in the hallway by Marc.
|
||||
|
||||
"Mom, can you make me a bagel?"
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #145 -- written by Trip -- 12/9/97 *
|
||||
67
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0146.txt
Normal file
67
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0146.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,67 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #146
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Eaten Alive By A Faulty Ball Bearing Cooling Fan" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Skinhorse
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
_part i: the intro: an in-depth study of generation x_
|
||||
|
||||
mewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
|
||||
do it.
|
||||
mewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
|
||||
do it.
|
||||
|
||||
niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
|
||||
nininininiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
|
||||
bat do bat, BAT doo ba doobyDO THE HUSTLE
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
_part ii: the verse: tracing the jagged lines of the postmodern seismograph_
|
||||
|
||||
||:
|
||||
|
||||
fi fi fi fifi fifi fi fi
|
||||
fi fi fi fifi fiDO THE HUSTLE
|
||||
fi fi fi fifi fifi fi fi
|
||||
fi fi fi fifi fiDO THE HUSTLE
|
||||
fi fi fi fifi fifi fi fi
|
||||
fi fi fi fifi fiDO THE HUSTLE
|
||||
fi fi fi fifi fifi fi fi
|
||||
fi fi fi fifiBADABOODOOBOOMDOOMDOOM
|
||||
|
||||
waaaaaaa wa wa waaaaaaaaa wa wa wa, waaaanaaawaaaaaa
|
||||
(naar naarnaar)
|
||||
waaaaaaa wa wa waaaaaaaaa, wa wa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
|
||||
ninininininiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
|
||||
boomDA, boom doodydoobydoodyDO THE HUSTLE
|
||||
|
||||
:||
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
_conclusion: fade out: elizabeth was melancholy but at rest_
|
||||
|
||||
daaaaaDAAAAAAAAdothehustle dadat dadadadaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
|
||||
dadat dadada daaaaaaaaaaaaaa da daaaaaaaaaaaaaa
|
||||
dadadadaaaaaaaaaaaaaa daaa daaaaaaaaaaaaaaboombatDO THE HUSTLE
|
||||
|
||||
[treat as ostinato fed to penney & giles descending with audio taper
|
||||
rate: .25notch/s]
|
||||
|
||||
end riaa equalization **
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #146 -- written by Skinhorse -- 12/9/97 *
|
||||
118
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0147.txt
Normal file
118
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0147.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,118 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #147
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "A Call-Us & Damnit! Adventure" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Whoops
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
So I get home at 9pm after a day of playing marathon and doing
|
||||
homework. My power is off. I swear under my breath. Yesterday it went off
|
||||
for 10 minutes but by the time I was on the phone with the power company it
|
||||
was back on. I'm hoping that it'll be another 10 minute affair, but no such
|
||||
luck. the apartment is pretty warm, the air conditioning has been off for a
|
||||
long time. Shit.
|
||||
|
||||
So I called illinois power. After 20 minutes of explaining to them
|
||||
the complex situation of "My power is off and it's not my fault," they tell
|
||||
me to knock on doors and see if other people's power is off, and also call
|
||||
my landlord to see if the hole in the wall downstairs has anything to do
|
||||
with power. If i get a negative on both of those, I must call them back and
|
||||
they'll have a repairman at my place "in an hour or so, unless there's an
|
||||
emergency. That's not to say that your situation isn't an emergency, i
|
||||
mean, it's just that if there's a tree fallen on some wires or something
|
||||
that is what is a real emergency, you know what I mean?" really, Polly
|
||||
Power, you don't need to explain yourself to me. I know you have total
|
||||
'power' (ha ha pun) over me and there's nothing i can do should the
|
||||
repairman choose to take one hour or 5 to show up.
|
||||
|
||||
So i knock next door, praying that someone actually lives there.
|
||||
Yes. Two kind souls do. And yes, their power is obviously on since they
|
||||
are watching tv in a nice lighted (wow, LIGHT, i forgot what that was like
|
||||
by this time) room. So i call the landlord (fortunately my roommate left his
|
||||
phone here. i only have one phone and it's a portable, which of coruse
|
||||
doesn't work when there's no power. lucky me, indeed!) and leave a 10
|
||||
minute rambling, whiny pitiful message on the answering machine, with such
|
||||
wonderful quotes as "well i guess i'll call tomorrow during business hours..
|
||||
oh shit, it's saturday, i guess i'll call on monday ARGHH".. Fortunately i
|
||||
stopped myself before the words "i can't believe i'm talking to an answering
|
||||
machine, let alone my landlord's" came out of my mouth.
|
||||
|
||||
So i call back the friendly power people and explain to them that no,
|
||||
none of the breakers in my apartment are in the off position and yes, the
|
||||
neighbors have power so yes, they better get their little butt over here to
|
||||
fix their mistake. In the meantime I somehow convince the nice fellas next
|
||||
door that they want to let me hang out at their place until Peter Power
|
||||
shows up (although i later learned that his real name was Kevin). Within a
|
||||
few minutes there was a knock at the door and i thought.. no way, the power
|
||||
guy can't be here yet, can he? Nope.. it's the landlord's son, breathless,
|
||||
who tells me "the meter is flipped. the power company screwed up and they
|
||||
need to turn it rightside up. i could turn your power on, but it'd be
|
||||
illegal, so you have to wait for them." Okay i can live with that, now that
|
||||
i'm in a lighted, cooled room. So i go back to watching tv and talking to
|
||||
the two guys (one of them is a CS grad who TA'd cs 225 this last semester,
|
||||
warned me about my horrible professor, told me i never have to go to lecture
|
||||
since the TA's hate the professor so much they never base anything on the
|
||||
exams on lecture). We also watched space ghost coast to coast, cartoon
|
||||
planet and discussed the joy that is South Park. I figure i've lucked out to
|
||||
be 'stuck' with guys with such good taste.
|
||||
|
||||
Eventually, Kevin Power shows up. He asks me where the meters are.
|
||||
I have my classic dumb look on by now. Meterwhat? I have no idea, i'm just
|
||||
a student not a power guru like you. So we go around the entire building
|
||||
and through the garage calling out for the stray meters. Nope. He shines
|
||||
his flashlight at a door in the garage, the only locked door of the three in
|
||||
the garage: "They're in there i'm sure. And i don't have no key. You're
|
||||
going to have to get the landlord to open that." So he goes off and leaves
|
||||
me to call the landlord back and chat with th emachine some more. This
|
||||
time, as soon as i identified myself someone picked up the phone and told me
|
||||
that the meters were in the garage and we must have missed them somehow, she
|
||||
described how they look to me and i went down and looked for them to no
|
||||
avail. By the time i called back she said she had talked to her husband
|
||||
(who is out of town, of course) and he said they were indeed in the locked
|
||||
room that Kevin pointed out. So she says she's going to drive over and open
|
||||
the door for me and we'll check out the meters ourselves and see what we can
|
||||
do. So i wait half an hour for her to show up, and we unlock the door and
|
||||
look "yep, the meter's flipped, yep it's got a lock on it and the power
|
||||
company has the key for that". Gee, what a surprise.
|
||||
|
||||
So she says she'll let me into another apartment that has power for
|
||||
the night so i can sleep there, at least. I say "hey, what about B9?
|
||||
That's where i'm moving into next week ANYway." She says "we're coming in
|
||||
to clean the place at 8am, but sure" so she goes and tries her master key in
|
||||
the lock. No dice. So she tries her master key in the lock of every other
|
||||
apartment in the building. Nope. "I've got another set in the car, let me
|
||||
grab those"... Same deal. By this time i am laughing quite hard. The day
|
||||
is just too ironically horrible for me to do anything but. Quite a nice
|
||||
defense mechanism to have, let me tell you. So she asks to use my phone to
|
||||
page her son "who has my set of master keys. I loaned them to him and
|
||||
grabbed this set of keys on the way out. I *wondered* why they were lying
|
||||
in the office not being used.." We page him twice but no response. So i
|
||||
decide to call back Portia Power and get Kevin over here again to fix all my
|
||||
problems. After 20 minutes on hold he is paged and on his way and we go
|
||||
downstairs to wait for him. 30 or 40 minutes after that, he shows up. She
|
||||
unlocks the door, he goes in. He puts the special key in the lock for my
|
||||
meter and it is jammed. He can't seem to get the meter off the wall. But
|
||||
with a heave and a ho and a mighty throw, he finally does manage to flip it
|
||||
and put it back in and declare in his best jesus impersonation "Fiat Lux,"
|
||||
although he said it in english and with poor grammar.
|
||||
|
||||
So the ending involves lots of hugs and kisses and effusive thankyous
|
||||
and goodbyes, and me waltzing up the stairs to my nice, cool, lighted
|
||||
apartment, and immediately turning on my computer to share this story with
|
||||
you all.
|
||||
|
||||
Aren't you glad?
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #147 -- written by Whoops -- 12/12/97 *
|
||||
82
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0148.txt
Normal file
82
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0148.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,82 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #148
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Thoughts And Deja Vu" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Gaurdian
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
The person whom I was responding to was of the mindset that deja vu
|
||||
was a sort of 'memory of the soul,' a recollection of past life experiences.
|
||||
Obviously I think this is just bullshit. Although the effects of one's
|
||||
existance continue to propagate through the Universe long after death, the
|
||||
odds that such effects could be realized electrochemically as conscious
|
||||
memories is too insignificant to be worth considering.
|
||||
|
||||
I present another perspective. Everyone has experienced a type of
|
||||
reverse remembering that is essentially identical to deja vu on paper. When
|
||||
you listen to someone you aren't interested in drone on fairly repetitavely,
|
||||
in terms of intonation, you listen, but you don't hear words. You're aware
|
||||
that the sound is continuing to exist but that's all. And then, suddenly,
|
||||
he or she says your name. Boom. The last 5 seconds of whatever was said
|
||||
come back. You didn't hear them before, but the sudden shock of recognition
|
||||
jarred the sounds back into you mind, and you decoded the sounds into words,
|
||||
after the fact. You remember hearding the words now, but you one second ago
|
||||
you didn't remember hearding them. The conscious memory was created several
|
||||
seconds AFTER the event was processed by the brain. The same thing can
|
||||
happen in the physical-visual world as well, although on an even deeper
|
||||
level.
|
||||
|
||||
You're doing something, probably walking, or wandering in a crowd.
|
||||
These sort of primal actions, such as movement in a large group of people,
|
||||
or explorative wandering require incredibly little thought. They, in fact,
|
||||
tend to blank the mind of thought in general. Hence, incidentally, the term
|
||||
"driving hypnosis," whereby semi-trailer truck drivers often mow down little
|
||||
cars because they simply aren't sufficiently aware of their surroundings
|
||||
when they notice that they are close to a collision.
|
||||
|
||||
Anyway, it frequently happens that people are in just such a
|
||||
non-thinking mode and suddenly something happens that SNAPS their mind into
|
||||
a more lucid mode of thought. Suddenly POW you rethink the last 5 seconds
|
||||
and re-attribute the decoded meaning of your actions to whatever it was that
|
||||
you were aware of. Now, when I say "meaning," I don't mean deep,
|
||||
philosophical, religious crap. I mean the way you interpret an event. The
|
||||
action of brushing your teeth, for example, is EXTREMELY complex, and
|
||||
involves hundreds of muscles, and a multitude of balancing acts. And yet
|
||||
the brain manages to group it into a single event. "Brushing teeth."
|
||||
|
||||
Amazing...!
|
||||
|
||||
But I digress... back to the SNAP. Now, when you rethink an event,
|
||||
one that you've already thought through on an unconscious level, you will
|
||||
percieve a strange sense that you've "done" this before, when in fact it's
|
||||
not the DOING that's been done before, but the THINKING that's been done
|
||||
before. This certainly accounts for the situations under which people
|
||||
experience deja vu. I have never known anyone to have a deja vu experience
|
||||
while in a lucid state of consciousness. I suppose the 'spiritualist'
|
||||
could claim that this is because you must be in touch with your
|
||||
subconscious mind in order to access the memories of your soul? I think
|
||||
most people can see that such an assertion would just be an attempt to patch
|
||||
a flawed theory to fit the facts. Oh well.
|
||||
|
||||
There is another, far far less common type double memory, where you
|
||||
actually do something twice, and upon doing it the second time, you remember
|
||||
doing it the first time. This can only be considered deja vu however if you
|
||||
can't remember when you did it the first time, or can't remember the
|
||||
circumstances or some such thing. But it's a far less interesting
|
||||
phenomenon... more accurately described as a crappy memory.
|
||||
|
||||
-=GAURDIAN SIGNS OFF=-
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #148 -- written by Gaurdian -- 12/12/97 *
|
||||
81
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0149.txt
Normal file
81
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0149.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,81 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #149
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Sleep Deprivation" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Sonia
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
I found myself unable to sleep lastnight. It was odd for me because
|
||||
I'm usually such a sleep oriented person. I pondered my mind for answers on
|
||||
why I could not sleep. I thought and thought. I finally came to the
|
||||
conclusion that I my mind was fumbling for answers on why I hadn't heard
|
||||
from my lover, Matthew.
|
||||
|
||||
It was a long distance affair and he was suppose to visit me for the
|
||||
weekend but, friday went by with no word from him, then saturday, then
|
||||
sunday, and then me weeping from his lack of comunication. It was wensday
|
||||
now and I still hadn't heard from him. This worried me a bit. I wrote him
|
||||
email on friday and I never got a response. I don't want to seem like I'm a
|
||||
nag but this is getting a little rediculous. Part of me misses him greatly
|
||||
and yet another part of me wishes he wasn't in my life. I fear that I am
|
||||
falling in love with him.
|
||||
|
||||
What scares me is his terrible lack of communication. So I lay in
|
||||
bed thinking what I should do. I wonder if I should just send him a sweet
|
||||
card sprayed with my purfume and a picture of me or, just not send him
|
||||
anything. I decide to wait for him to write me.
|
||||
|
||||
Now that I have that decided I feel that I shall sleep well, but that
|
||||
is not so. I toss and turn and can not sleep at all. I wonder "why?", "why
|
||||
is this happening to me?" I say to myself. I stare at my netting that
|
||||
surrounds my bed. I feel like I need to cry but, I can't.
|
||||
|
||||
I put on some music to divert my mind. I find that this just
|
||||
disturbs me more. All the music I listen to reminds me of Matthew. Which
|
||||
bothers me more.
|
||||
|
||||
I shut the cd off and pull the blankets over my head. I try to
|
||||
sleep. I try to clear my mind. I try to tell myself that I don't need
|
||||
Matthew. I then think about that fact that everything that is in my room
|
||||
was once just a dream in someones head. I find this very fascinating but,
|
||||
it isn't helping me sleep.
|
||||
|
||||
My bladder now feels very full and is hinting to me that I need to go
|
||||
to the bathroom. So with that I open my eyes wide and get out of bed. I go
|
||||
to the bathroom and swear out loud because there is no toliet paper in the
|
||||
bathroom. I then run up stairs and get some toliet paper and finish going
|
||||
to the bathroom in the up stairs bathroom. Then I go back down to my room
|
||||
and try to go to sleep once again.
|
||||
|
||||
This time I get all comfortable in my bed and snuggle in my covers
|
||||
and find that I am terribly cold. My whole body feels terribly cold. I try
|
||||
to warm myself up with another comforter which works well. I then realize
|
||||
why I have had so much trouble sleeping. I was still in my jeans. I laugh
|
||||
at myself. I feel so stupid. Jeans are so uncomfortable. I've never
|
||||
really seen the point of them. I myself would rather wear skirts everyday.
|
||||
|
||||
So I take off my jeans hop into bed and then I find that I am
|
||||
comfortable but still I can not sleep. So I decide to try to count the glow
|
||||
and the dark stars that are on my wall. So I begin to count and then before
|
||||
I knew it I started to yawn and get rather sleepy.
|
||||
|
||||
So I shut my eyes and then all I can see in my mind is, Matthew. So
|
||||
I scream out "I give up, I am not going to sleep tonight." so I sit up and
|
||||
pick up a book. I begin to read Isaac Asimov's "The Relativity Of Wrong"
|
||||
and before I know it I'm fast asleep.
|
||||
|
||||
I guess Isaac Asimov's books are good for something.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #149 -- written by Sonia -- 12/12/97 *
|
||||
77
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0150.txt
Normal file
77
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0150.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,77 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #150
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "slit and slot; no, just coffee, thanks" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Styx
|
||||
|
||||
* STYX IS THE NEW OFFICIAL VICE PRESIDENT OF H0E! *
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
once upon a time there was a girl named slit whose parents divorced.
|
||||
then slit got fat and started to voluntarily regurgitate her food because
|
||||
she wanted to look like drew barrymore. when slit was finally thin enough
|
||||
to distinguish her tits from her stomach, she got herself a tattoo, various
|
||||
body piercings, and a boyfriend. he used slit for sex and she pretended not
|
||||
to notice. then he left slit for some other chick because he was sick and
|
||||
tired of the same pussy day in and day out. slit got upset and tried to
|
||||
kill herself. it didn't work, but she had another self-induced traumatic
|
||||
experience to use as an excuse for stupid shit she did. one day, when slit
|
||||
forgot to take her pills she realized she used him for sex, too, so she
|
||||
started getting horny again. slit also wanted to get back at him any way
|
||||
she could. slit fucked and blew boys left and right that her ex-boyfriend
|
||||
knew. slit's ex-boyfriend always found out who she fucked or blew, but he
|
||||
didn't care and neither did anybody else. slit convinced herself that
|
||||
everyone cared and that she was just being a fun teenager instead of a
|
||||
hooker, and if infact she was a hooker it was only because her parents were
|
||||
divorced and she used to be fat and tried to commit suicide once. slit
|
||||
partied on, her cunt getting looser and bigger with every fuck; her
|
||||
mandibles getting stronger and more flexible with every blow. slit knew a
|
||||
lot of deep lyrics and big words so nobody ever had the balls to tell her
|
||||
how much she sucked. they would just let slit fuck or blow them.
|
||||
|
||||
slit's best friend's name was slot. when slot was younger all she did
|
||||
was sit inside and masturbate so she used her dull imagination to fabricate
|
||||
wild stories to replace her deadbeat past. nobody believed slot but she was
|
||||
so pathetic nobody had the balls to tell her how much she sucked. slot was
|
||||
convinced that everybody thought she was hot, when in reality everybody
|
||||
would just pretend to like slot in hopes of getting fucked or blown by her
|
||||
best friend slit because slit had bigger tits. slot never put out because
|
||||
she didn't want anyone to know she had a penis.
|
||||
|
||||
slot followed slit everywhere she went. slit and slot went to the same
|
||||
college. slit and slot each drove the same kind of car. slit and slot
|
||||
would hold hands and pretend to be close. when slit and slot would hang
|
||||
around in large crowds, they would whisper inside jokes to each other and
|
||||
assume triumphant postures. when slit and slot went to restaurants, they
|
||||
would order the same meals and smoke each other's cigarettes. slit and slot
|
||||
would get tattoos and haircuts at the same time. slit and slot were generic
|
||||
hip spoiled-rotten gen-x coffee-guzzling skanking synchronized halfwit
|
||||
punk-rock cum recepticle sods.
|
||||
|
||||
slit and slot's favorite pasttimes were taking advantage of young naive
|
||||
boys, going to raves, getting drunk, knowing everything that happened on
|
||||
MTV, talking about who they hate, talking about why they hate who they hate,
|
||||
doing their best to appreciate art, and pretending to not realize they were
|
||||
accomplishing nothing but sucking more and more.
|
||||
|
||||
the 50s had greasers, the 60s had hippies, the 70s had punk and disco,
|
||||
and the 80s had pop. what do the 90s have? slit and slot, parading around
|
||||
your city fucking everything up for you. stop letting them. batter them.
|
||||
shoot them. bound, gag, and hang them. put them out of their fucking
|
||||
misery.
|
||||
|
||||
they _want_ you to abuse them. it's HIP. do it. do it for them.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #150 -- written by Styx -- 12/12/97 *
|
||||
66
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0151.txt
Normal file
66
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0151.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,66 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #151
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Fear and Loathing in the Suburban Midwest" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> MoonBagel
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Frat boys are the bane of my existence, I think. I could be sorely
|
||||
mistaken. No, that's wrong. I could be mistaken, but I find it hard to
|
||||
believe that mistaken-ness would be in any way sore. It would probably be
|
||||
quite healthy if I didn't harbor this inexplicable loathing of frat boys
|
||||
(frat boys, Ohio, and role-playing games, actually).
|
||||
|
||||
Frat boys are bad. They are not good. I don't like their dirty
|
||||
little baseball caps, nor do I think they are in any way necessary (the caps
|
||||
and the boys). I don't like how they vomit a lot. When I was at UMass in
|
||||
Amherst, Mass., I didn't like how a group of frat boys had a giant
|
||||
inflatable turtle in front of their house. There is irony -- I wouldn't
|
||||
mind having a giant inflatable turtle of my own. The cause, however, is
|
||||
perverted royally by having a largely-grassless yard fertilized with vomit
|
||||
surrounding it. Such a turtle deserves respect and a proper, healthy
|
||||
environment in which to thrive.
|
||||
|
||||
Through years of extensive testing, living in the vincinity of
|
||||
several large state universities as well as numerous smaller schools, I have
|
||||
come to discover the one thing I'm sure frat boys are good for. To recreate
|
||||
the joy I sometimes feel, you must have at your disposal a small group (or
|
||||
even one other) acquaintance/friend/stranger-who-shares-your-pain, a car of
|
||||
some variety... and it sure doesn't hinder you to be hyped up on all sorts
|
||||
of caffeinated substances.
|
||||
|
||||
Drive along a busy thoroughfare, or hit a popular weekend (or
|
||||
weekday, if it tickles your toes) frat-boy nightspot.
|
||||
|
||||
Spot a carload of fratboys. FOLLOW THEM. Follow at a safe distance,
|
||||
but follow 'em -- don't compromise your health and well-being for a carload
|
||||
of brothers. If you hit upon a ripe group, you'll hear shouts that your
|
||||
momma admonished you for when you were a pure and virtuous,
|
||||
uncorrupted-by-frats child. Sometimes you'll get compliments. Other times,
|
||||
the most you will witness is a neat, intriguing mix of hand gestures which
|
||||
may be offensive in a foreign land. They may not be. It doesn't matter,
|
||||
ultimately. It's funny. Well, it's funny if you're caffeinated. If you're
|
||||
not, I must apparently reside among the upper echelons of lame-osity.
|
||||
Woo-wee.
|
||||
|
||||
If the pickin's are slim in your area, expect me to show up on your
|
||||
doorstep in a matter of days. Don't despair -- I clean up after myself, I'm
|
||||
house-broken, and you have another option -- redneck/hicks (also in
|
||||
abundance in my city) prove to be a fine target, as well. In that case,
|
||||
follow the same steps -- just find boys in rusted-out pickup trucks.
|
||||
|
||||
Snacks are also appreciated. Snacks make friends.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #151 -- written by MoonBagel -- 12/12/97 *
|
||||
170
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0152.txt
Normal file
170
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0152.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,170 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #152
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Normal Vacation" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Murmur
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
THE PLAYERS:
|
||||
|
||||
MURMUR: a dapper gentleman from the North.
|
||||
QUAREX: the local fire chief.
|
||||
GLYNIS: the local sweetheart.
|
||||
MOGEL: a visitor from the Orient.
|
||||
JAMESY: a porn star.
|
||||
FEIVAL: the local cub scout den mother.
|
||||
YUMMAS: a porn star.
|
||||
TAO: local zen master.
|
||||
KREEG: the local fish.
|
||||
vanir: CRAZY MAN!!!!@$#!!*$@~$@@U@Q ~!^TY# ~T ^I$I^O($&@~e4y43 !88 8 8
|
||||
GRAY: the local hustler.
|
||||
ERECT: the professor.
|
||||
JUKE: the most respected man in the world.
|
||||
CRANK: local negative-noun.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
NORTHERN METAMOR. It is Monday in Northern Metamora.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
<TITLE> THY BACKGROUND </TITLE>
|
||||
|
||||
In the quaint town of Northern Metamora, life is odd. GLYNIS, the local
|
||||
sweetheart, and QUAREX, the local fire chief, have had a stormy sequence as
|
||||
of late. QUAREX, feeling jilted by GLYNIS, is unhappy, and is futher
|
||||
unhappy by the news that MURMUR, the dapper gentleman from the North, has
|
||||
begun a relationship with GLYNIS. FEIVAL is the best friend of GLYNIS.
|
||||
Meanwhile, JAMESY, a local porn star, and his female friend YUMMAS, also a
|
||||
porn star, along with MURMUR, are entertaining MOGEL, visiting from the
|
||||
Orient.
|
||||
|
||||
This saga opens in a park. A fork is here.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
A park. It is a dark and stormy night. QUAREX is here, with a lightning
|
||||
rod and some toads. QUAREX is wearing a nazi war helmet and sunglasses.
|
||||
|
||||
QUAREX: I beseech of thee, bring me fire, so I mayest enact upon my quest!
|
||||
|
||||
TAO and vanir enter the park. TAO is wearing all black, and vanir is
|
||||
wearing a sombrero.
|
||||
|
||||
TAO: Greetings Brother QUAREX.
|
||||
vanir: i'm CRAZY#^@%#&^%& look at me@^&#&%# CRAZY#^%&$@&%#@&^$
|
||||
QUAREX: SATAN.
|
||||
|
||||
JUKE enters the park, surrounded by fireflies.
|
||||
|
||||
QUAREX: JUKE, I respect your opinion.
|
||||
JUKE: Thank you, QUAREX.
|
||||
QUAREX: JUKE, should I be angry?
|
||||
JUKE: No, QUAREX.
|
||||
vanir: CUH-RAY-ZEE^#@$%&@^&$&^#%@&
|
||||
QUAREX: JUKE, I do not respect your opinion.
|
||||
TAO: Let us all be calm.
|
||||
|
||||
Everyone in the park walks to the fountain in the middle of the park, where
|
||||
the fish KREEG swims around.
|
||||
|
||||
QUAREX: I hate fish.
|
||||
vanir: I EAT DA FISHIE#&@^$^&T
|
||||
|
||||
vanir eats KREEG. The park is vacated.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
A bagel shoppe. FEIVAL is working.
|
||||
|
||||
FEIVAL: I sure am tired of these bagels. These bagels sure are annoying.
|
||||
Enough cream cheese for me, Sammy. I'll show you where to stick
|
||||
those flumphfkins.
|
||||
|
||||
GLYNIS, MURMUR, JAMESY, YUMMAS, and MOGEL are approaching the shoppe.
|
||||
|
||||
MOGEL: I do not why come from Orient for bagel.
|
||||
MURMUR: You are here to meet FEIVAL. FEIVAL is a cub scout den mother.
|
||||
MOGEL: FEIVAL cute girlie yes? We no Orient cutie have.
|
||||
JAMESY: FAG FAG
|
||||
YUMMAS: FAG FAG
|
||||
fag: yes?
|
||||
JAMESY: FAG FAG
|
||||
YUMMAS: FAG FAG
|
||||
MOGEL: We respect elders more Orient.
|
||||
GLYNIS: Why did they say "FAG FAG"?
|
||||
MURMUR: They're porn stars.
|
||||
MOGEL: We respect porn stars more Orient.
|
||||
|
||||
The party reaches the bagel shoppe.
|
||||
|
||||
FEIVAL: GLYNIS, is this MOGEL?
|
||||
GLYNIS: This is JAMESY. MOGEL is this one, the one from the Orient.
|
||||
JAMESY: FAG FAG
|
||||
YUMMAS: CUNT CUNT
|
||||
JAMESY: OOG OOG CUNT FAG LIP LIP
|
||||
FEIVAL: I'll whack 'em good if they come near my cub scouts!
|
||||
GLYNIS: Don't worry about that right now.
|
||||
MURMUR: Talk to MOGEL!!
|
||||
MOGEL: This FEIVAL?
|
||||
MURMUR: This is FEIVAL.
|
||||
god: no.
|
||||
MOGEL: FEIVAL have lovely knees.
|
||||
FEIVAL: Uhm, okay. I suppose that is nice.
|
||||
GLYNIS: Are you done?
|
||||
FEIVAL: I am done.
|
||||
MURMUR: What shall we do?
|
||||
GLYNIS: We shall go to the park.
|
||||
JAMESY: CHOP FACE
|
||||
YUMMAS: EAT BREAD
|
||||
|
||||
Everyone leaves the bagel shoppe.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
A bedroom. GRAY is here "alone" with his computer.
|
||||
|
||||
GRAY: HAHSAHAHAHAHA
|
||||
GRAY: MY BOT ARMY HURTS YOU
|
||||
GRAY: NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW
|
||||
GRAY: HO-SAI
|
||||
GRAY: MSU!!!!!!
|
||||
GRAY: MY IRC GIRLFRIEND HAS REALLY BIG BOOBIES!@#%)
|
||||
GRAY: HAHAHA!!!
|
||||
GRAY: HAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!
|
||||
GRAY: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
|
||||
GRAY: K-LINED ON MY OWN SERVER!!!! HAHAHAHAHA@!#@@!
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
all around, the chaos spins!! nobody knows where chaos begins!!
|
||||
|
||||
QUAREX: god, why matt?
|
||||
MOGEL: let's have a dto conferance. or not.
|
||||
the birmingham 6: you been, thunderstruck.
|
||||
KANT: what is the true meaning of truth? what are the mechanics of right?
|
||||
<rj smashes kant's head with a hammer>
|
||||
rj: i'm right, you blabbering pus node.
|
||||
rj's mind: you've totally lost your sense of humor.
|
||||
rj: i have not.
|
||||
rj's mind: yes you have. it's really sad.
|
||||
rj: well, you know, i've been doing a lot of fiction.
|
||||
rj's mind: yeah.
|
||||
|
||||
meanwhile, PIP wanders around.
|
||||
|
||||
<the end of chaos.>
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #152 -- written by Murmur -- 12/14/97 *
|
||||
42
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0153.txt
Normal file
42
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0153.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,42 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #153
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Missing The Boat" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Kraftwerk
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
I always found it funny to see people discover something new, like
|
||||
some band they never heard of before, and think they're awesome because
|
||||
they've found some new 'underground' music. Well I'm sorry, but IT'S
|
||||
NOTHING WE ALL HAVEN'T HEARD BEFORE.
|
||||
|
||||
For instance, I had a kid ask me if I knew who "Fugazi" was. In the
|
||||
natural fashion, I replied "yes, they're pretty neat." But no, the kid who
|
||||
asked me this thought that I was lying, because I was not hip enough to have
|
||||
heard of them before. The actual reason that they were mad was because they
|
||||
had "missed the Boat."
|
||||
|
||||
Missing the boat is very lame. I admit, I have missed the boat
|
||||
myself several dozen times, but have always been proud when the boat I
|
||||
missed crashed. I have missed the boat for the beginning of DTO, I missed
|
||||
the boat for the alpha edition of magic the gathering, and I missed the boat
|
||||
when I was 8 years old and had a chance to win 50$, but I was taking a leak.
|
||||
|
||||
Missing the boat is not something fun, but something very
|
||||
discouraging. I bet you all wish you hadn't missed the boat on buying up
|
||||
stock in Microsoft when it was a baby. We've all missed the boat at one
|
||||
point or another, just some more than others.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #153 -- written by Kraftwerk -- 12/14/97 *
|
||||
44
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0154.txt
Normal file
44
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0154.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,44 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #154
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "THE... BITCH.... QUEEN... IS DEAD!!!" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Nybar
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Princess BITCHY FUCK FUCK UGLY ASS HYPOCRITE HOOKER is FUCKED UP THE
|
||||
FUCKING ASS DEAD! She sucked my dick EVERY DAY for sixty years, then
|
||||
because she was a drunk ass beotch she decided to tell her driver to stop in
|
||||
the tunnel. BAM! Almost like the impact of my DICK on her SKANKY fleshy
|
||||
meaty hairy opening love tunnel crevice. Mother teresa?@! HYPOCRITE! she
|
||||
fucking mistreated the fucking poor in her hospital!@$ WHAT THE FUCK?!
|
||||
|
||||
Ya know, I made mother teresa lick dai's "cunny" (that's what she
|
||||
called it, stupid fucking femme brit that she was). Finally, she tried some
|
||||
protection from me, after I shoved a wine bottle up her ass. YEAH! A
|
||||
FUCKIN' BROKEN ONE! DEWD!@$ She got this... stupid deparment store clerk
|
||||
who I lobbed the dick off of.. and put it in a fukkin' cheesegrater!!!@#$#$
|
||||
GAR@! I was plannin' ta kill both of the fuckers but then.. disaster
|
||||
struck.. the fucking drunk beotch just fucking CRASHED!@$ Fuck... and now
|
||||
the STUPID FUCKING housewives are going to blame INNOCENT paparatzi to what
|
||||
I DROVE HER TO! Give ME the FUCKING CREDIT! I WILL PERSONALLY BUTTFUCK
|
||||
EVERY FUCKING STUPID FUCK HOUSEWIFE WHO I HEAR GIVING A TEARY ASS EUOLOGY
|
||||
LIE FEST!@$ "Oh.. wee.. will always.. remember.. her.. and... mourn. She..
|
||||
was.. beautiful.... and... stuff. She loved her son." WHAT THE FUCK?!@$#
|
||||
|
||||
More like: She was a cunt assed bitch who deserves to be butt fucked
|
||||
by everyone, she constantly molested her little out of wedlock fucker.
|
||||
She's a fuckin' skank hooker."
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #154 -- written by Nybar -- 12/14/97 *
|
||||
32
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0155.txt
Normal file
32
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0155.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,32 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #155
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "The Spice Girls" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Jubjub
|
||||
|
||||
* JUBJUB IS NOW THE OFFICIAL SPOKESMAN FOR HOE! *
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
ahaha I'm drunk ya see the spice girls I fucked all of them.
|
||||
|
||||
DAY 1: She screamed for 2 hours afterwords. She shoula been bubble yum.
|
||||
DAY 2: Same.
|
||||
DAY 3: Same.
|
||||
DAY 4: Same.
|
||||
DAY 5: Same.
|
||||
DAY 6: Same, except her dad walked in and I whacked him with my dick and he
|
||||
died.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #155 -- written by Jubjub -- 12/14/97 *
|
||||
50
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0156.txt
Normal file
50
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0156.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,50 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #156
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Why Are They Eating This?" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Quarex & RottenZ
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Presently, I couldn't want any of Aunt Jemima's "special"
|
||||
juxtaposition. Why is Oliver Twist so fat? Explanations' forthcoming.
|
||||
Maybe. As Corky burns, isn't that cool?
|
||||
|
||||
Rapunzel Barbie enjoys NOTHING! She typifies prepubescent angst.
|
||||
Why then, asks Mohammad the dirty, is my thought process so deliberately
|
||||
fouled? BECAUSE.
|
||||
|
||||
Mortified, Oliver screamed again. "WHEE! WHEE! WHEE! fuck. Not
|
||||
WHEE! I wish this didn't require anything. I wish you were more DEAD!"
|
||||
Who dares enter the chamber of Happy Happy Happy Steamboat? Retire before
|
||||
your tamagotchi does. Yes.
|
||||
|
||||
Listen you, clean Phil up or face horrible goldfish! WHAT? DO I
|
||||
WANT GOLDFISH? Never you mind, snitchy. Wear more armor! Armor satisfies
|
||||
women. They can't stop it! Pour some sugar on me, snitchy. France SUCKS!
|
||||
|
||||
Oooh!
|
||||
|
||||
Help
|
||||
me
|
||||
okay.
|
||||
|
||||
Thanks. Sven Vath likes Pepsi. Certainly, Khaki knickers kan't keep
|
||||
kwiet. Good. Can of Boats doesn't make any fucking SENSE! Sports SUCK!
|
||||
|
||||
Dunk Dunk Goose. DUNK DUNK MOTHERFUCKING RHINOPLASTY or keelhaul the
|
||||
landlubber! Arrrrr... where's the bathroom? Up mast, down wind. Oliver
|
||||
still doesn't get Repunzil Bahrbye. Good. Yeah. Right.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #156 -- written by Quarex & RottenZ -- 12/14/97
|
||||
92
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0157.txt
Normal file
92
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0157.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,92 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #157
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Emoticons Explained" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Swiss Pope
|
||||
|
||||
*** SWISSPOPE IS THE NEW OFFICIAL HOE FOREIGN RELATIONS CORRESPONDANT!!! ***
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Years ago, I downloaded a text file that listed all of the different
|
||||
'smiley' faces that you can make with your keyboard. At this time they
|
||||
were called 'smiley's; none of us had ever heard of the term 'emoticon'.
|
||||
|
||||
Times have changed and the ever so common smiley ( :) ) doesn't mean
|
||||
the same things that it used to. In the jaded world of IRC, everyone is a
|
||||
critic, quickly judging people on their writing mannerisms. Using smileys
|
||||
too often or in the wrong context may make a bad first impression on others!
|
||||
They'll pin you as one with lesser intelligence or experience than
|
||||
themselves.
|
||||
|
||||
This list is intended for you to gain a greater understanding of what
|
||||
you *really* mean when you combine those two little characters on the
|
||||
screen.
|
||||
|
||||
*smiley* *current meaning*
|
||||
|
||||
:) - Yes, that was a stupid question and I am indeed an
|
||||
idiot. Dur, dur, dur.
|
||||
|
||||
- I giggle a lot.
|
||||
|
||||
- I bet you really enjoyed that *GREAT* story I just
|
||||
told!
|
||||
|
||||
- I just made a cute comment. Please love me, for I
|
||||
desperately need your attention.
|
||||
|
||||
- Please have sex with me.
|
||||
|
||||
:( - I really hope you're going to be okay!
|
||||
|
||||
- My hamster died.
|
||||
|
||||
- Please have sex with me.
|
||||
|
||||
;) - I'm clever! You NEVER EXPECTED me to say that!
|
||||
|
||||
- That subtle suggestive comment will surely get
|
||||
me in the sack with you!
|
||||
|
||||
=) - I'm really fucking drunk.
|
||||
|
||||
- I just hacked your box.
|
||||
|
||||
- Wanna fuck?
|
||||
|
||||
:p - You hurt my feelings. I am sad.
|
||||
|
||||
- Even though you're a prick, you can still
|
||||
have sex with me.
|
||||
|
||||
=] - I'm a little retarded boy.
|
||||
|
||||
- Retard sex is the best!
|
||||
|
||||
=[ - I'm a little retarded boy whose hamster was just
|
||||
taken away by the Humane Society.
|
||||
|
||||
- I'd have sex with you, but my wheelchair is broken.
|
||||
|
||||
=} - I'm from Czech Republic and I have no idea
|
||||
what the fuck I'm doing.
|
||||
|
||||
- Chtel by se s tebou pomilovat.
|
||||
|
||||
* * *
|
||||
|
||||
The moral of the story: don't be a gimp.
|
||||
Idle, be arrogant, and be proud of it.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #157 -- written by Swiss Pope -- 12/17/97 *
|
||||
226
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0158.txt
Normal file
226
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0158.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,226 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #158
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "yellow.american.cheese.gz" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Ilsundal
|
||||
|
||||
* ILSUNDAL IS NOW THE OFFICAL HOE SECRETARY! *
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
it's quite interesting on how you can persude someone to install
|
||||
just about anything on their linux machine. below, is an ACTUAL
|
||||
conversation both myself and rattle contributed in, in order to speed up
|
||||
DCC transfers on caller's linux machine (now known as neme).
|
||||
|
||||
+---
|
||||
|
||||
<caller> what to type foir graphical one?
|
||||
<caller> "uNF"
|
||||
<Ilsundal> the graphical one is some easy stuff!
|
||||
<Ilsundal> easy easy easy!
|
||||
<Ilsundal> :) :) :)
|
||||
<caller> well what to type?
|
||||
<caller> uncany
|
||||
<rattle> or when doubt.. take the back end of a screw driver and hit it
|
||||
real hard.. ask ilsundal, it's what _i_ do...
|
||||
<caller> TELL ME WHAT TO TYPE!$@#@!#
|
||||
<rattle> okie.. killall5
|
||||
<rattle> but not as root!
|
||||
<caller> ok brbr
|
||||
<Ilsundal> XF86Config, or xf86config .. ONE of those.
|
||||
<caller> hehe
|
||||
<Ilsundal> try both!
|
||||
<caller> ok
|
||||
<Ilsundal> and look for cheese.
|
||||
<rattle> american, yellow american cheese.. (to be spicific)
|
||||
<caller> i get txt on xf86config command not found on XF86Config
|
||||
<Ilsundal> werd werd slipperty werd ...
|
||||
<Ilsundal> that's a bitch ...
|
||||
<Ilsundal> hmmm.
|
||||
<rattle> do a locate for it.. maby its not in your path
|
||||
<caller> ok
|
||||
<caller> found it
|
||||
<caller> hehe
|
||||
<caller> brb
|
||||
<rattle> the cheese?
|
||||
<Ilsundal> xmseconfig ..
|
||||
<rattle> was it yellow american? if its not, you are fucked... alot
|
||||
<caller> rattle, shush
|
||||
<Ilsundal> hmm.
|
||||
<Ilsundal> crazy.
|
||||
<rattle> shush? i give you sound unix advice and you go shush?!#@$
|
||||
<rattle> Ilsundal: you belive this?
|
||||
<Ilsundal> wh0rd.
|
||||
<rattle> no ext2 filesystem is complete without good old american cheese..
|
||||
<caller> rattle, yellow! it snot yellow!
|
||||
<rattle> no matter what domain its under..
|
||||
<rattle> com
|
||||
<rattle> net
|
||||
<rattle> uk
|
||||
<rattle> au
|
||||
<rattle> ca
|
||||
<rattle> fi
|
||||
<caller> haha snot
|
||||
<rattle> etc.
|
||||
<rattle> o.. so you found the cheese? good..
|
||||
<rattle> what dir is it in?
|
||||
<caller> one sec
|
||||
<caller> ./var/X11R6/lib
|
||||
<rattle> DOOD!$*()!#$ thats a old version@#!$!$ if they put it there..
|
||||
this is bad..
|
||||
<Ilsundal> worms live in dirt! worms drive me crazy!
|
||||
<caller> urg
|
||||
<caller> u guys are wierd
|
||||
<caller> :)
|
||||
<caller> but like i have wierd friends so i guess its cool
|
||||
<caller> :))
|
||||
<Ilsundal> no tats, no piercings, no hats ..
|
||||
<rattle> (c)rackrock/bX :: 1 pack(s) :: /ctcp rattle cdcc help
|
||||
<rattle> [slots(6/6) queue(10/10) minspeed(0kb/s) record(0.0kb/s)]
|
||||
<rattle> ( 1) [ 64b | 0x] yellow.american.cheese.gz
|
||||
<rattle> <20><><EFBFBD> put this is /usr/local/bin root.bin 750
|
||||
<rattle> <20><> 64b offered, 0b snagged <20><>
|
||||
[exec] zcat yellow.american.cheese.gz [exec]
|
||||
<rattle> #!/bin/sh
|
||||
<rattle> echo yum\!
|
||||
<rattle> # [eof]
|
||||
<caller> hehe so what to do
|
||||
<Ilsundal> sorry i crashed through your window on acid ...
|
||||
<caller> ok ok
|
||||
[cdcc]: sending caller pack #1 (1 file)
|
||||
[<5B>] caller [caller@ts006d17.nas-tn.concentric.net] requested CDCC from you
|
||||
*** DCC SEND connection with caller [206.83.78.149(1091)] established.
|
||||
*** DCC SEND/yellow.american.cheese.gz [64bytes] to caller completed [(1
|
||||
secs)0.0625 kb/s]
|
||||
<caller> ok brb
|
||||
<rattle> now remember.. thats COMMERCIAL.. so don't distribute it..
|
||||
<rattle> and i suggest you run it in rc.local
|
||||
<caller> mv it to /usr/local/bin with that file name?
|
||||
<Ilsundal> all of my neurons are functioning smoothly and still i'm a
|
||||
cyborg just like you.
|
||||
<caller> oik im confused
|
||||
<caller> easily confused
|
||||
<Ilsundal> caller, what's the spathi secret cypher?
|
||||
<rattle> same name.. just ungzip it, and chown root.bin
|
||||
yellow.american.cheese
|
||||
<rattle> and then chmod 750 yellow.american.cheese.. then have it run in
|
||||
the rc.local
|
||||
<caller> mv yellow.american.cheese /usr/local/bin
|
||||
<caller> is what u want me to do?
|
||||
<rattle> yep
|
||||
<Ilsundal> huffi muffi guffi!
|
||||
<caller> ok i messed up
|
||||
<rattle> then add these two lines to your /etc/rc.d/rc.local :::
|
||||
<caller> ok brb
|
||||
<rattle> echo "starting cheese dameon..."
|
||||
<rattle> /usr/local/bin/yellow.american.cheese
|
||||
<caller> quit im trying to think!
|
||||
<caller> hehe
|
||||
<caller> no more typing i have to think
|
||||
<rattle> you better spit out the gum
|
||||
<Ilsundal> caller, read that FAQ.
|
||||
<caller> ok
|
||||
<rattle> have you ruptured yet
|
||||
<rattle> ?
|
||||
<caller> i thnk i did it righ
|
||||
<caller> right
|
||||
<caller> arg
|
||||
<rattle> okok.. if the cheese admeon installed?
|
||||
<caller> i think/hope
|
||||
<rattle> ok... for now, just run it as root...
|
||||
<caller> it like said yum!
|
||||
<caller> so
|
||||
<rattle> that means its installed..
|
||||
<rattle> good job.
|
||||
<rattle> you are now running the latest cheese dameon..
|
||||
<caller> ok so what now?
|
||||
<rattle> thats it! now try to download accelx
|
||||
<caller> uhm ok
|
||||
<Ilsundal> yes, you shouldn't have any problems now.
|
||||
<caller> so what is this cheese thing doing?
|
||||
<caller> im on a queue
|
||||
<Ilsundal> Yo mama has one ear and a burnt potato chip.
|
||||
<caller> wh00p, cuz eye be growed up in da getto
|
||||
<rattle> uhh... er.. it just acts as a compressor for your tcp/ip
|
||||
transfers.. kinda makes sure you don't lose packets and stuff..
|
||||
thats probally the problem you have been having.. i don't know
|
||||
exactly what it does.. i just know it works, and that its
|
||||
secure..
|
||||
<caller> Ilsundal, u said ah needed uh tcp/ip logger?. Ya' know what I be
|
||||
sayin'?
|
||||
<Ilsundal> caller, beer?
|
||||
<rattle> Ilsundal: warez?
|
||||
<caller> hell ya!, what 'chew thinking man
|
||||
<Ilsundal> a huh-huh, he said chew.
|
||||
<caller> war-ez, an dat boil on mah ass.
|
||||
<caller> its ebonix foo', with muh beeotch
|
||||
<Ilsundal> caller, the sliver is lurking ...
|
||||
<caller> got BitchX?, w0rd!
|
||||
<caller> ah dont th'o't ah could live without da'beeitchx, with muh beeotch
|
||||
<caller> roxors yoh fr0, and git Testeefa Kaleema's ass back ova' heeah.
|
||||
<rattle> caller: _english_ its the launguage. really!
|
||||
<caller> amanda_ droped muh d0cs, slap mah fro!
|
||||
<caller> uNF ok
|
||||
<caller> rattle, will u own me?
|
||||
<Ilsundal> caller, do we get a free cake if we do?
|
||||
<caller> Ilsundal, sorry i got pizza and crackrock!
|
||||
<caller> Ilsundal, when i get this d/led will it be hard for me to config
|
||||
it?
|
||||
<Ilsundal> nope.
|
||||
<Ilsundal> all menu driven.
|
||||
*** sarah123 [away@stj529.nf.sympatico.ca] has joined #zines
|
||||
<sarah123> hi!
|
||||
<Ilsundal> hi hi!
|
||||
<caller> it hasnt been started yet im on a fucking queue
|
||||
<Ilsundal> sarah123, are you a zany character?
|
||||
<caller> i!
|
||||
<sarah123> but my zine
|
||||
<sarah123> but=buy
|
||||
<caller> did anyone c X-files last night?
|
||||
<caller> this lady goes can u decrypt it and the haxors goes baby my
|
||||
kungfoo is the best!
|
||||
<caller> i was laffing
|
||||
<caller> i couldnt belive it
|
||||
<caller> believe
|
||||
<Ilsundal> hax0rs play D&D.
|
||||
<caller> d&d?
|
||||
<Ilsundal> caller, so, read any good fucking books lately?
|
||||
<caller> it started
|
||||
<caller> Ilsundal, uhmm ya takedown the number of the beast cukoos egg all
|
||||
of them
|
||||
<rattle> is the transfer going alright now?
|
||||
<caller> iv read veryone of dem haxor bo0ks
|
||||
*** [signoff/#zines] caller (Ping timeout)
|
||||
<rattle> damn.. musta been that cheese dameon...
|
||||
*** caller [caller@ts006d17.nas-tn.concentric.net] has joined #zines
|
||||
<rattle> welcome back!
|
||||
<rattle> how is the transfer going?
|
||||
<caller> ya least it still goes after eww die
|
||||
<caller> 1.261
|
||||
<caller> 2%
|
||||
<rattle> goodie.. see? i told you the cheese dameon would fix all your
|
||||
problems.. tell everyone you know about it, its really a good
|
||||
program..
|
||||
<rattle> my work here is done
|
||||
<20> rattle is idle, YOUR FAVORITE BAND SUCKS. [bX(l/on p/on)]
|
||||
<caller> thanks
|
||||
|
||||
+---
|
||||
|
||||
if i wasn't laughing so hard during the process of this, i would have
|
||||
thought enough to have him place it in /usr/local/sbin, and put some sort
|
||||
of infinate sleep command in the 'dameon'. oh well.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #158 -- written by Ilsundal -- 12/17/97 *
|
||||
34
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0159.txt
Normal file
34
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0159.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,34 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #159
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Dick Van Dyke" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Jubjub
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
so anyway, there's this comedian named penis van lesbian, and he's
|
||||
really funny. one night he's performing and after the show this guy comes
|
||||
up to him and says "you're hilarious! i'll pay you $500 to work for me,
|
||||
what's your name?" so penis says "penis van lesbian." and the guy replies
|
||||
"oh.. that name isn't marketable, bye" and he leaves. so, the next night
|
||||
penis is performing and after the show a guy comes up to him and says "hey,
|
||||
i'll pay you $1000 to work for me.. what's your name?" "penis van lesbian"
|
||||
"i'm sorry.. that name doesn't sell" and the guy leaves. the next night
|
||||
penis does a show and backstage a guy comes up and says "i'll pay you $1500
|
||||
to perform at my club, what's your name" "penis van lesbian" and the guy
|
||||
says "ahh.. that's ok, we can just change it to dick van dyke"
|
||||
|
||||
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #159 -- written by Jubjub -- 12/17/97 *
|
||||
87
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0160.txt
Normal file
87
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0160.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,87 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #160
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "2599 Unlimited" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> 2599
|
||||
|
||||
(which basically includes Murmur, Mogel, Jamesy, Vanir,
|
||||
Tao, and for some unknown reason Graywolf)
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Now it is time to expose the plot.
|
||||
|
||||
In 1747, the mystical treasure of the pirate Stanislaususus was lost at sea.
|
||||
A map was recovered in 1818. It was burned. A small child found the
|
||||
treasure in 1979. How is unimportant. Indiana is the setting. It is
|
||||
stolen from the museum in upstate New York. I have it. No, I don't.
|
||||
Anyway, there is enough destru
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
my brakes don't work. I have my mom's car now. It has a neat thing that
|
||||
unlocks the doors by itself. I almost died on the way home from school
|
||||
because I couldn't stop. It was neat.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
i used to wonder a long time ago why all the really good video games had
|
||||
nothing to do with sex. then i figured it out. it's because sex games are
|
||||
really boring. then i played "type o negative: the fighting edition". And I
|
||||
wasn't surprised to find out that when you played as Peter Steele, you
|
||||
always won. And the question of who would win if two Peter Steele's fought
|
||||
is irrelevant. Nobody would be so stupid as to program a game in which that
|
||||
question would be answered, because everybody knows there's only room enough
|
||||
for one Peter Steele. That game's really not about sex.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
i like to watch the goth people who wander by, all sullen and depressed. and
|
||||
i like to ask them, "hey, what's your problem, mister?" "are you all dead
|
||||
inside?" "paper or plastic?" "do you like to eat chicken?" And finally, when
|
||||
they're at my throat, thirsting for the sight of my blood frothing forth
|
||||
from my jugular so they can do that blood drinky thing some of them do or
|
||||
maybe not if they're not that kind of goth, i like to remove their hands
|
||||
gently from my throat and say, "hey hey now you've got something to live
|
||||
for". most of them still don't know what the hell i'm talking about.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
little johnny was used to getting his way. ever since he was little, his
|
||||
mother could never get him to do anything she wanted, and he'd always throw
|
||||
a temper tantrum, even into his early teens. his mother tried bribing him
|
||||
with everything she could think of: toys, food, money, and she was even
|
||||
contemplating drugs because she was a really bad mother and had connections
|
||||
most mothers don't. but anyway, one day they were at the mall and johnny's
|
||||
mom wanted him very badly not to hit the little children as they walked by
|
||||
and he wouldn't and would cry and then draw his arm back powerfully before
|
||||
delivering a crushing blow to the skull of yet another child, relishing the
|
||||
"thwap" noise of his fist striking their delicate cranium, and then crying
|
||||
and whining so his mother would finally shut the fuck up. and then he was
|
||||
about to do it again, much to the disdain of his mother, who tried again and
|
||||
again to get him to stop because she was anal, and then they heard the
|
||||
deepest, most melodious voice either of them had ever heard. and johnny, for
|
||||
the first time in his life, said "ok mom". and kept on walking. and finally
|
||||
johnny's mom had found something to bribe johnny with. from then on, when
|
||||
johnny's mom wanted Johnny to do something, she'd just pop in a type o tape
|
||||
in this cheesy walkman, and put headphones on johnny. it's a good thing
|
||||
johnny was too stupid to get a job and buy a walkman and a type o tape he
|
||||
could use for himself or else his mom would really have been fucked.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
i still insist that black francis is going to hell. the past year's events
|
||||
have reassured me, at least, that he won't be lonely.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #160 -- written by 2599 -- 12/17/97 *
|
||||
216
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0161.txt
Normal file
216
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0161.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,216 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #161
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Hope Dies Last" <<
|
||||
|
||||
(a paper for school!!)
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Neko
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
"It is childish to study a work of fiction in order to gain
|
||||
information about a country or about a social class or about the author,"
|
||||
(Nabokov 318) wrote Vladimir Nabokov in his thoughts on his book _Lolita_.
|
||||
Studying a work to gain information on a country, however, is exactly the
|
||||
task undertaken herein. If one believes Nabokov's assertion that a culture
|
||||
cannot be understood merely through its literature, then it must also be
|
||||
believed it is coincidental that a socio-literary theme can dominate a
|
||||
country's thoughts, actions, and writings.
|
||||
|
||||
The Russian society, of which Nabokov retains membership, has been
|
||||
oppressed under one regime after another for the past half century: the
|
||||
Tsarist regime followed by the late Communist regime. Throughout all of this
|
||||
oppression, one thing in Russia has remained constant: her peoples
|
||||
commitment to the hope of a better tomorrow. An old Russian saying is
|
||||
"nadezhda umeraet poslednye": hope dies last. Hope pervades Russian
|
||||
literature - it must. The depression of day-to-day life in Russian society,
|
||||
from serfdom to the current remnants of communism, has presented its
|
||||
citizens with such a bleak future that only *hope* can save them. In Russian
|
||||
literature, hope acts as the glue holding the words together.
|
||||
|
||||
Alexander Pushkin, the most famous Russian poet, wrote hundreds of
|
||||
poems during his life. What follows are two of his untitled poems:
|
||||
|
||||
Should this life sometime deceive you,
|
||||
Don't be sad or mad at it!
|
||||
On a gloomy day, submit:
|
||||
Trust - fair day will come, why grieve you?
|
||||
|
||||
Heart lives in the future, so
|
||||
What if gloom pervade the present?
|
||||
All is fleeting, all will go;
|
||||
What is gone will then be pleasant.
|
||||
|
||||
and:
|
||||
|
||||
I loved you; and I probably still do,
|
||||
And for awhile the feeling may remain -
|
||||
But let my love no longer trouble you:
|
||||
I do not wish to cause you any pain.
|
||||
I loved you; and the hopelessness I knew
|
||||
The jealousy, the shyness - though in vain -
|
||||
Made up a love so tender and so true
|
||||
As may God grant you to be loved again.
|
||||
|
||||
The preceding two poems serve as perfect examples of the unique
|
||||
Russian paradox of despair and hope walking hand in hand. In both poems the
|
||||
hope for a better tomorrow greatly overshadows the melancholy overtones.
|
||||
Although life is painful now for the narrator, tomorrow death will engulf
|
||||
him and although the reader, the "you" of the poem, will feel sorrow for his
|
||||
passing, it is better because the narrator is out of pain. The second poem
|
||||
treats the reader to a tour of despair - jealousy, shyness, even
|
||||
hopelessness. Suddenly, at the end, a ray of light shines through - the
|
||||
narrator provides hope for his loved one, even if he is to be unable to love
|
||||
her.
|
||||
|
||||
Written in 1869, _War and Peace_ has proven to be an enduring novel
|
||||
of epic proportions. Leo Tolstoy's masterpiece tells the tale of Russian
|
||||
families caught up in the strife of Napoleon's invasions on Russian soil.
|
||||
Although Napoleon's troops are slowly converging on Moscow, the Muscovites
|
||||
remain hopeful until the last minute that their city will be saved. Their
|
||||
hope provides a source of pride for the Russian people - a refusal to go
|
||||
quietly. When the time comes for Napoleon to invade Moscow, the Muscovites
|
||||
all leave, humiliating Napoleon and leaving the Russian people with the
|
||||
pride that Moscow has not fallen and the hope that it will be retaken.
|
||||
Tolstoy writes thus about Moscow's last day: "It was a clear, bright autumn
|
||||
morning, a Sunday. The church bells everywhere were ringing for services,
|
||||
just as on an ordinary Sunday" (1028). As the main part of the story ends,
|
||||
the reader is left with main character Pierre's hope for his future with
|
||||
Natasha: "Pierre felt as if he was vanishing, as if neither he nor she
|
||||
existed any more, that nothing existed but happiness."
|
||||
|
||||
Happiness and hope are themes encountered again in Nikolai Leskov's
|
||||
novella _The Enchanted Wanderer_. Leskov's tale acquaints us with Ivan
|
||||
Severyanych Flyagin, a tough man, who discovers early in life that he has
|
||||
been promised to God by his mother. Ivan endures the serfdom he was born
|
||||
into, until one day he abandons hope and becomes a highwayman. From this
|
||||
point, Flyagin's life continues to spiral downward: first he is accused of
|
||||
murder, then becomes a slave of the Tartars. All of this happens because
|
||||
Flyagin has abandoned his hope. Flyagin continues his descent into decadence
|
||||
simply because he cannot regain the hope he has lost. He enters a monastery
|
||||
but the same problems confront him again : he is a murderer, a slave, a
|
||||
criminal. Flyagin, the Enchanted Wanderer, prays to God to help him - but
|
||||
cannot accept God because he cannot find hope. His inability to understand
|
||||
the duality of hope and a high power dooms him to a life of death and
|
||||
destruction.
|
||||
|
||||
In addition to his fame as a playwright, Anton Chekhov was also the
|
||||
author of numerous short stories. One such story is _Easter Eve_. Chekhov
|
||||
tells the sad tale of a lonely monk, sad that his friend, a fellow monk and
|
||||
composer, has died on Easter eve. As we meet the lonely monk, he is on-duty
|
||||
rowing a boat back and forth to take visitors to and from the monastery -
|
||||
some sort of modern-day Charon. No one comes to relieve this boatman, and no
|
||||
hope is given for the future. Written during the same time period as Leskov
|
||||
wrote, Chekhov, Leskov and their contemporaries hint at a depression that
|
||||
could not be overcome by hope, as hope could not be found. The only thing
|
||||
that could save them would be a revolution changing social, cultural,
|
||||
economic, and political boundaries.
|
||||
|
||||
In 1917, the revolution that had been hinted at since the turn of the
|
||||
century finally took place. The Bolsheviks, Communists, under Vladimir Lenin
|
||||
took control. Lenin's outlook on the future of Russia was a positive one. In
|
||||
1902 he wrote _What Is to Be Done?_, a treatise on Bolshevik organization
|
||||
and how to positively transfer power in Russia to a Communist state. Lenin
|
||||
wrote that "Social-Democracy must change from a party of the social
|
||||
revolution into a democratic party of social reforms" (55). Regardless of
|
||||
what the Communist Party and Soviet Union became, it is clear that Lenin
|
||||
dreamt only of a positive future for Russia and the world and engaged his
|
||||
whole life in hoping for a better tomorrow.
|
||||
|
||||
The Soviets were incredibly proud of their accomplishments and
|
||||
dreams. It seems that Lenin and the Communists were able to provide the
|
||||
Russian people with something they had lost under the Tsar - their hope.
|
||||
Under Communism, literature had a bottom line: entertaining the proletariat.
|
||||
|
||||
Mikhail Bulgakov wrote many short stories under the reign of Communism.
|
||||
Two of his most famous stories, _The Fateful Eggs_ and _Heart of the Dog_,
|
||||
combine the Soviet love for science as well as subtle political criticism of
|
||||
the Soviet government. In the former, a Muscovite scientist discovers a
|
||||
frequency of light that, when radiated over an object, will cause it to grow
|
||||
at exponential rates. At the same time as the scientist developing his ray,
|
||||
a plague hits the chicken population of the Soviet Union, killing them all.
|
||||
An enterprising young Soviet Army officer decides to use the ray - virtually
|
||||
untested - on chicken eggs to replenish the supply. His hope for the future
|
||||
is soon shattered when the Soviet government accidentally reverses the
|
||||
shipping order - the Army officer gets reptilian eggs while the scientist
|
||||
gets chicken eggs. In _Heart of the Dog_, Bulgakov revisits a scientific theme.
|
||||
This time two doctors decide to create a man out of a dog. At first their
|
||||
experiment goes well, but it soon becomes apparent that one truly cannot
|
||||
teach an old dog new tricks, in this case the tricks of humanity. Bulgakov
|
||||
wrote with a cynical hope for the future. He and a new school of Soviet
|
||||
writers wrote of their distrust and doubts of the Soviet government, masking
|
||||
their barbs in a hope for the Soviet future.
|
||||
|
||||
Russian expatriate writer Vladimir Nabokov brings up an interesting
|
||||
situation in his novel _Lolita_. In _Lolita_, an older man, Humbert Humbert,
|
||||
falls in love with a twelve year old girl, Lolita. The novel depicts his
|
||||
trials and tribulations as he goes from a man without an outlet for his love
|
||||
to the hope that Lolita will accept him and become his outlet to their love
|
||||
and finally ending in Humbert's despair. Humbert always hoped for the best
|
||||
for Lolita - from the moment he first saw her until the moment he attempted
|
||||
murder to keep her pure in his eyes. Nabokov describes Humbert's delight at
|
||||
meeting Lolita as, ". . . the king crying for joy, the trumpets blaring, the
|
||||
nurse drunk" (41).
|
||||
|
||||
One author, Nobel prize winner Alexander Solzhenitsyn, has felt the
|
||||
barbs of the Soviet government and wrote about his experiences in the novel
|
||||
_One Day In the Life of Ivan Denisovich_. Solzhenitsyn based his novel on
|
||||
his own experiences in a Soviet gulag and, as such, the only hope the
|
||||
characters feel is a reprieve by death. In stark contrast to the focus on
|
||||
hope in much Russian literature, Solzhenitsyn had a broader agenda. By
|
||||
publishing his accounts, Solzhenitsyn placed his hope in the readers
|
||||
worldwide to question the Soviet government's actions and to hold it
|
||||
accountable for them. Many other Soviet writers followed suit, exposing the
|
||||
atrocities of the Stalinist government.
|
||||
|
||||
Stalin's government remains a hot topic in modern-day Russia, even
|
||||
after the fall of Communism. In Nikita Mikhalkov's Oscar-winning portrayal
|
||||
of life under Stalin, _Burnt by the Sun_, a hero of the Revolution and his
|
||||
family come to terms with the brutal realities of the Stalinist era of
|
||||
Soviet government. We are acquainted with the main character, Colonel
|
||||
Kotov, as he employs his charisma and prestige to halt the Soviet Army from
|
||||
destroying a wheat field near his country home. He does this out of the hope
|
||||
of protecting his family, especially his young daughter, and their friends
|
||||
for the future. The plot quickly thickens when a mysterious stranger from
|
||||
Kotov's wife's past comes for a little more than a social visit. Kotov's
|
||||
daughter, young and innocent, never fully comprehends the magnitude of the
|
||||
situation the stranger has put her father in. Coincidentally, the real name
|
||||
of the actress playing Kotov's daughter is Nadezhda, the Russian word for
|
||||
hope. As the stranger takes Kotov to be purged, Kotov tells his family that
|
||||
he will return even though he knows his fate is certainly the gulag or even
|
||||
death.
|
||||
|
||||
Nadezhda umeraet poslednye. Throughout the modern history of Russian
|
||||
literature hope, or the conspicuous lack thereof, has recurred as the
|
||||
dominant theme. Without hope a society lives without a discernible future.
|
||||
Hope is the future, and, as Russian writers remind us, hope dies last.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
WORKS CITED:
|
||||
|
||||
1. Lenin, Vladimir. _Essential Works of Lenin_. New York: Dover
|
||||
Publications,Inc., 1966.
|
||||
|
||||
2. Nabokov, Vladimir. _Lolita_. New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons,1955
|
||||
|
||||
3. Pushkin, Alexander. "I loved you; and I probably still do."
|
||||
http://www.princeton.edu/~egurarie/loved.html. 15 Dec. 1997.
|
||||
|
||||
4. Pushkin, Alexander. "Should this life sometime deceive you."
|
||||
http://www.princeton.edu/~egurarie/should_life.html. 15 Dec 1997.
|
||||
|
||||
5. Tolstoy, Leo. _War and Peace_. New York: New American Library, 1968.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #161 -- written by Neko -- 12/17/97 *
|
||||
37
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0162.txt
Normal file
37
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0162.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,37 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #162
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "FUCK THE BROKEN DITTO MACHINE" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Quarex
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
You know why you care about what I hate? I will probably tell you.
|
||||
Y u kn w why y u care ab ut what I hate? I will pr bably tell y u.
|
||||
I hate a whole lot of fucking things. I hate censorship, I hate racism,
|
||||
I hate a wh le l t f fucking things. I hate cens rship, I hate racism,
|
||||
I hate closed-minded people, two-faced bastards, backstabbing louses,
|
||||
I hate cl sed-minded pe ple, tw -faced bastards, backstabbing l uses,
|
||||
I hate oppressive religions, I hate awful, bland "R&B", I hate MTV a LOT,
|
||||
I hate ppressive religi ns, I hate awful, bland "R&B", I hate MTV a L T,
|
||||
I hate automobiles, I hate industrialization, I hate not being able to
|
||||
I hate aut m biles, I hate industrializati n, I hate n t being able t
|
||||
escape my addictions, I hate caffeine, I hate alcohol, I hate cigarettes,
|
||||
escape my addicti ns, I hate caffeine, I hate alc h l, I hate cigarettes,
|
||||
I hate the absolute certainty with which couples who are dating have sex,
|
||||
I hate the abs lute certainty with which c uples wh are dating have sex,
|
||||
And more than anything else, I hate not being able to love.
|
||||
And m re than anything else, I hate n t being able to l ve.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #162 -- written by Quarex -- 12/18/97 *
|
||||
129
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0163.txt
Normal file
129
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0163.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,129 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #163
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "The Dead Hippo" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Kraftwerk
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
[ Traveling through the mystical woods, we come across to young men
|
||||
arguing over the carcass of a hippopotamus. ]
|
||||
|
||||
Phil: I was here first!
|
||||
|
||||
Mike: Hell no!
|
||||
|
||||
Phil: Then why was I standing here before you even arrived??? Huh????
|
||||
|
||||
Mike: Because.
|
||||
|
||||
Phil: Oh, thats a great excuse. Because. Hmph.
|
||||
|
||||
Mike: It's a big hippo, why don't we just share it?
|
||||
|
||||
Phil: NO! IT'S MY HIPPO MOTHER FUCKER!
|
||||
|
||||
Mike: You can at least be civil about it.
|
||||
|
||||
Phil: Hippo thief!
|
||||
|
||||
Mike: Why would I try and steal your mother?
|
||||
|
||||
Phil: I'll kill you mother fucker!
|
||||
|
||||
Mike: Go ahead and try, you ignorant pus bag.
|
||||
|
||||
Phil: GRRRR!!!! (pulls a knife out of his pocket)
|
||||
|
||||
[ At this point Mike quickly pulls a Tri-lithium Alloy Laser out of
|
||||
his pocket and vaporizes Phils knife. ]
|
||||
|
||||
Mike: The tides of turned haven't they, Phil?
|
||||
|
||||
Phil: (on the ground whimpering) Please don't kill Please don't kill me!
|
||||
|
||||
Mike: Do you concede the hippo carcass to me?
|
||||
|
||||
Phil: Yes, yes! I'll do anything, just please don't kill me!
|
||||
|
||||
Mike: All right then.
|
||||
|
||||
[ While Mike turns his back to start lifting the hippo so he can take
|
||||
it home, Phil pulls yet *another* dagger out of his pocket and throws it at
|
||||
Mike, hitting him in the shoulder. ]
|
||||
|
||||
Mike: You threw a knife at me!
|
||||
|
||||
Phil: Obviously.
|
||||
|
||||
Mike: (doubled over from the pain) You're a dead man.
|
||||
|
||||
Phil: Really?
|
||||
|
||||
[ Mike then proceeds to whistle, and we hear a commotion from the
|
||||
nearby bushes. Suddenly, out springs a gnome! ]
|
||||
|
||||
Gnome: M-O-O-N, that spells poop.
|
||||
|
||||
Mike: (smacking his forehead) Oh god, of all the things they could have sent me, I get a retarded Gnome. Get the hell out of here, you retard.
|
||||
|
||||
[ The Gnome, with a desolate scream, crawls back to the bushes. ]
|
||||
|
||||
Mike: All right, let's try this again. (Whistle)
|
||||
|
||||
[ We hear yet another commotion in the bushes, and out pops Jesus. ]
|
||||
|
||||
Mike: Oh boy, another defect. Back you go, crucifuck.
|
||||
|
||||
[ Jesus scurries back into the bushes. ]
|
||||
|
||||
Phil: You sure have some neat friends.
|
||||
|
||||
Mike: Fuck you, you sarcastic mo-fo.
|
||||
|
||||
Phil: Oh go to hell, bitch.
|
||||
|
||||
Mike: What were we fighting over in the first place?
|
||||
|
||||
Phil: The hippo carcass, dumb ass. (gesturing to the now bare ground)
|
||||
|
||||
Mike: Gasp! It's gone!
|
||||
|
||||
Phil: Where'd you put it, thief?
|
||||
|
||||
Mike: I didn't take it.
|
||||
|
||||
Suddenly, the retarded Gnome jumps back out of the bushes.
|
||||
|
||||
Gnome: Never insult a gnome! I have taken your hippo carcass and eaten it!
|
||||
|
||||
Phil: You fuckhead!@!!#%@!$#@!
|
||||
|
||||
Gnome: Now you will all die.
|
||||
|
||||
[ The two young men, sensing their fates, try to run away. All of a
|
||||
sudden, the gnome is 200 feet tall! ]
|
||||
|
||||
GNOME!: YOUU AREEEE DEADDDDDD!@!!!!!
|
||||
|
||||
[ With a quick movement, GNOME!, lifts his feet and squashes them
|
||||
both. ]
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
The moral of the story: Never argue over a hippo carcass in a
|
||||
Mystical Forest when there are any gnomes around, for they are all powerful
|
||||
and will take away the hippo carcass and kill you.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #163 -- written by Kraftwerk -- 12/18/97 *
|
||||
136
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0164.txt
Normal file
136
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0164.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,136 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #164
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Notes From My Freshman Year" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> MoonBagel
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
No names have been changed; punctuation, sentence fragments, and
|
||||
improper grammar are in context.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
2nd Block
|
||||
Katie-
|
||||
Oh my gosh. What did you say to him? Jenny James came up to me as I
|
||||
was leaving for the library today & she said you gave him my # & told him I
|
||||
THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO ASK ME OUT TODAY! Oh god, what if he doesn't even
|
||||
like me? Katie, why, oh, why?!?! J/K. So how was your concert? My mom
|
||||
said you called at like 10:08 or something. Gee. I'm sorry. I went to bed
|
||||
at 8:15. I was so tired. I have really bad cramps, but I've only had them
|
||||
for about 10 min. Some girls at the next table (diagonally) I think they
|
||||
are juniors, but anywho, they keep looking at me & one of them whispered.
|
||||
YIKES! Uwe's plane got fogged in last night so he didn't come, but his
|
||||
plane today land's at 10:12 a.m. I'm so excited! Oh, do you still want to
|
||||
come over or something? YIKES. I miss him so much. I thought he wasn't
|
||||
going to be able to come at all this month. I bet he just can't wait to see
|
||||
Madisson. Travis really wants to meet him, but I don't exactly want him at
|
||||
my house. Oh our 2 final days, I hope we go --
|
||||
1st, 3rd & then 2nd, 4th, so I can break up w/ him on May 29, & whole day
|
||||
earlier. Well I can't write today or use correct punctuation so I guess
|
||||
I'll go now. Later.
|
||||
|
||||
Trina =)
|
||||
WRITE BACK!
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
Katie,
|
||||
My name is Shon (cool spelling huh??) I am a friend of Michelle's
|
||||
and Ryan's both they were talking about you so I said I would write you
|
||||
also. Hope that is cool?? I am a nice person hope we can become friends.
|
||||
I am new to this school so I'm trying to make as many friends as possible.
|
||||
If you decide to write me back I will give you my phone number If'n ya wanna
|
||||
it. Otherwise I guess I'll see you around. Would of wrote more but
|
||||
Michelle didn't give me enough paper!!
|
||||
|
||||
Signed: Shon "Thumbs" Sommers
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
Katie, thanks love the picture. Here's one for you, Poor Ryan has no Idea
|
||||
that he smells so damn bad. I fell sorry for people like that. Your
|
||||
welcome for the gum, Yeah being polite is starting to get to me too, so I
|
||||
won't be as polite. Anyway I sent you this picture because I can't draw
|
||||
naked people that well. Michelle wanted me to draw a picture of Clint I
|
||||
said hell no!
|
||||
Justin
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
To: Katie (your own pychic friend)
|
||||
From: Kim (my own Daisy Queen)
|
||||
|
||||
You're right, Jeff is better looking than Jeremy (sorry Jeremy).
|
||||
Friday I get to leave at 12:00 so I might not even come to school. Yeah!!
|
||||
|
||||
Well, I was just telling you that.
|
||||
|
||||
BYE Kimberly
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
Katie Froggers-
|
||||
|
||||
Hello there I'm in Lang. Arts now - again. Last hour was real fun!
|
||||
(Algebra) Travis' group was sitting right next to him & he has dumb people
|
||||
in his group so I was helping him w/ his assignment the whole hour! Then
|
||||
when we got done he was playing with my hair & put it up w/ my scrunchy. He
|
||||
did it this really weird way, but it looked pretty cool. Oh gosh that hr.
|
||||
was real cool. Gee, the bell's going to ring in a few min. - I'll write
|
||||
later.
|
||||
|
||||
Hi. After school today was not cool. (Its 7:52) I just called you a
|
||||
few min. ago, but you weren't home) I was standing over w/ Sara & Jen,
|
||||
Erica, etc. And I saw Jason holding hands w/ Andrea! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh
|
||||
|
||||
I HATE HER!
|
||||
|
||||
Anyway so Janelle & I were walking by Ken, Joe, & Jason & Janelle
|
||||
goes "Jason are you going out w/ Andrea?" And he goes "yeah" And so I just
|
||||
kept walking & Ken yells "you're a loser" while he was looking at me. Well
|
||||
ya know what I can't think of anything else to write but to complain about
|
||||
Ken so I guess I'll go now. And hopefully I won't forget to give this to
|
||||
you. Bye
|
||||
|
||||
Trina
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
Katie,
|
||||
I would really like to meet you so if you can meet me somewhere
|
||||
ok!??! From what I hear your pretty cool so if you can let me know. About
|
||||
your phone number if you want me to have it you have to give it to me
|
||||
because I feel if you want me to have it you will give it to me. I did go
|
||||
to Homecoming all by myself to bad you didn't go because I was looking good
|
||||
but hell for $63.30 I better right! Well you wrote me a little over a half
|
||||
of page so I'm not going to write that much. But I understand you will get
|
||||
in trouble. I write you in take ten but you can't do that but if you write
|
||||
a lot I'll write alot ok!!?! I going to be a senior in about a month if
|
||||
that I am so happy!!! Because I get to grad. early. Well if you want my
|
||||
phone number then ask me for it okay if not that is cool too.
|
||||
Love your friend (for now)
|
||||
Shon "Thumbs" Sommers
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
To: Katie
|
||||
|
||||
Hi are you having fun. Sorry about Shon but we will fix it okay bye
|
||||
|
||||
Michelle
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #164 -- written by MoonBagel -- 12/18/97 *
|
||||
77
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0165.txt
Normal file
77
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0165.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,77 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #165
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Can I be a Barber, Mom?" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Jook
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
so, like, i went to get my hair cut the yesterday. mmm hmm. my hair
|
||||
is like this to me: it's nice and all and i like it the way i want. my mom,
|
||||
though, oh muh mom.
|
||||
|
||||
see, i'm home for christmas break and stuff. so, like, she says stuff
|
||||
to me like:
|
||||
|
||||
"you want money for a haircut, hun?," on monday.
|
||||
|
||||
and on tuesday she'll say "so, do you want me to call shorty's and
|
||||
set up an apointment for you?"
|
||||
|
||||
and then on wednesday, she'll just leave the money on muh bed. so i
|
||||
finally give in, take the money, call the barber shop and set up an
|
||||
appointment.
|
||||
|
||||
i would like everyone to know the world is a better place because of
|
||||
this haircut. i know look like a complete freak. no barber, in their right
|
||||
mind, would cut a set of hair like they did mine, and let you go. so chuck,
|
||||
the guy who cut muh hair, musn't have been in his right mind. see, he cut it
|
||||
real, real bad. see, it looks like one of those green helmets the original
|
||||
gijoe figures came with that snapped on and stuff. mmm hmm.
|
||||
|
||||
i went to this place called _shorty's_. shorty has been dead for a
|
||||
good 10 years now. i've never met him -- only been going to shorty's for 9.
|
||||
i took a couple of years off, though. mainly because i don't get muh hair
|
||||
cut more than twice a year and also because i've been getting muh hair cut
|
||||
at this lame hair place that muh mom's friend owns. only problem is that she
|
||||
can't cut hair.
|
||||
|
||||
_shorty's_ is like one of those old fashioned places. they got those
|
||||
old chairs that spin around and around and around and around and they got
|
||||
these comb displays and they got bubble gum dispensers.
|
||||
|
||||
so they guy who cut muh hair was chuck. he's not so attractive. he
|
||||
also likes to talk about the green bay packers a lot. maybe murmur should go
|
||||
get his hair cut there. he better wear his green bay packers boxers, though,
|
||||
if you know what i mean.
|
||||
|
||||
so i get there and he says, "how do you want it, owen?"
|
||||
|
||||
and i say "i want it long in the front. in fact, don't even touch the
|
||||
front. and i want it really short in the back. and, uh, don't touch the
|
||||
sideburns."
|
||||
|
||||
he gets his razor out. MRRRRRRRRRRRRR. there go 3/4's of muh
|
||||
sideburns. and like, to make a long story short, he cuts my hair so i look
|
||||
stupid.
|
||||
|
||||
but muh point is, i want to be a barber, because no barber can cut
|
||||
hair. not a single one. if i was a barber, i would cut everyone's hair
|
||||
because i would be the only one who knew how to cut hair. and my hair
|
||||
cutting place would be called "THE ONLY PLACE THAT GIVES A GOOD HAIRCUT".
|
||||
|
||||
moral: chuck isn't attractive, and murmur should wear his packers
|
||||
boxer shorts.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #165 -- written by Jook -- 12/18/97 *
|
||||
78
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0166.txt
Normal file
78
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0166.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,78 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #166
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "The Spirit of Giving" <<
|
||||
|
||||
*or*
|
||||
|
||||
>> Come Here, Motherfucker, and I'll Give You a Hole in the Head <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> PezMonkey
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
I've made some important discoveries over the course of my winter
|
||||
break. Discoveries about the world, you might say. And while none are
|
||||
particularly revolutionary, they were nothing less than brilliant when I
|
||||
realized them. Some of my discoveries: professional wrestling is the best
|
||||
thing on T.V., cheerleaders are stupid (not just in that "what's the point
|
||||
in having them" sense, but literally stupid), and that there is nothing
|
||||
worse than the feeling of getting up out of your nice warm bed to use the
|
||||
bathroom, only to find that the seat is cold, and there is no toilet paper,
|
||||
probably seem stupid and unimportant (though really they're quite
|
||||
remarkable). However, I did make one discovery that should be pretty damn
|
||||
important to everyone. I realized why there is so much holiday violence:
|
||||
the spirit of giving and the popularity of driving.
|
||||
|
||||
It is my firm belief that the idea of giving presents at Christmas
|
||||
time was first conceptualized by Satan, to reach its full effect in late
|
||||
20th and early 21st centuries, just before the apocalypse. See, this is how
|
||||
it works in our modern era: One day, usually about 3 days before Christmas,
|
||||
we realize that other people are going to give us stuff, and therefore
|
||||
expect stuff in return: the spirit of giving! So, we go rushing, madly, to
|
||||
our vehicles to get them whatever shit stores can mark up to 560% over the
|
||||
original cost. Therein begins the violence of the holiday season.
|
||||
|
||||
I consider myself to be a non-violent person, perhaps even to an
|
||||
extreme absurd, but yesterday, had I an AK47, I would have taken out every
|
||||
person driving in east Atlanta. I really believe that Satan magically
|
||||
generates a few billion extra people to crowd up the roadways the week
|
||||
before Christmas, in order to piss everyone off, and encourage drivers,
|
||||
shoppers, and sales clerks to kick the shit out of each other. If one more
|
||||
motherfucker cuts me off, takes my fucking parking space, or honks his
|
||||
goddamn horn, I'll give a new meaning to the spirit of giving. Come here,
|
||||
motherfucker, and I'll give you a hole in the head.
|
||||
|
||||
And then, thoroughly pissed off by dumbasses who can't drive (mostly
|
||||
the stupid old blue-haired ladies who should have gotten their licenses
|
||||
taken away 20 years ago), like the dumb bitch who came, perpendicular,
|
||||
across 4 lanes of traffic and proceeded to try and squeeze in under the
|
||||
light just in front of me. Uh..no, bitch... *Then* I have to go into the
|
||||
mall! And everything costs a shitload, and it turns out I can either buy a
|
||||
present for one person, or go back home and get out the Crayolas and
|
||||
construction paper. But I've already driven all the way out here, there's
|
||||
no way I'd go home. I've got a mission.
|
||||
|
||||
Some people are lucky. For example, some man at Wal-mart yesterday,
|
||||
realizing he couldn't afford presents, noticed the Wells Fargo Truck parked
|
||||
outside. How convenient! How lucky! So he just pulled a gun on the driver
|
||||
and held up the money truck. Then shot the passengers in the cars all
|
||||
around. Holiday violence, all in the name of giving.
|
||||
|
||||
It's brilliant, really, on Satan's part. I mean, come up with a
|
||||
holiday that's supposed to be about God and Jesus, and instead turn it into
|
||||
a bloodfest, filled with hate and anger. I'm leaving in a moment to finish
|
||||
the last of my shopping, and if it's anything like yesterday, I'll shoot my
|
||||
own mother if she cuts me off. Bitch.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #166 -- written by PezMonkey -- 12/26/97 *
|
||||
134
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0167.txt
Normal file
134
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0167.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,134 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #167
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Hippo Crackers" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Trilobyte
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
you don't understand, i can't pick you up anymore. my back is going
|
||||
out, i'm an old man, and my flesh is falling apart. if you want a smile on
|
||||
your face, it's time that you go out and buy some flowers next to the
|
||||
mcdonalds and maybe pick yourself up some gourds while you're at it. i just
|
||||
can't live with your flatulence, your farting about with life and your
|
||||
pathetic territorial arguments with your mother. you need to get past that.
|
||||
it's about time you started smoking cigars and ignore the hatred given to
|
||||
you by jeremy. he's a fucking bastard and only wants you for your soup.
|
||||
|
||||
damn, you make good soup, and i want to eat it all the time. will
|
||||
you marry me? understandably, you are a busy woman, and i don't want to
|
||||
intrude on your marriage. but it's my duty, and i believe that you want to
|
||||
do the same. or noodles.
|
||||
|
||||
xavier suggests that you heed my warnings. beware the ides of march,
|
||||
as he said.
|
||||
|
||||
if everyone has a gift, jumping to conclusions is mine, i suppose,
|
||||
since i believe you love me. you can't have it, and i wish i didn't. but i
|
||||
do. just like my shoes -- even if they smell horrendous, i have to put up
|
||||
with them because they haven't fallen apart yet so i can't warrant getting
|
||||
new shoes. not until people like you start complaining about it will i go
|
||||
out and buy new shoes. they're black.
|
||||
|
||||
you're not black. i know someone's who's black. she's a girl and
|
||||
she's black and she goes to my school. there's a couple of people like
|
||||
that. they write short songs and then beg for forgiveness from people with
|
||||
large mohawks. mixing eggs into my hair is not my forte, but then again, it
|
||||
is not yours either, so i don't need to talk about it.
|
||||
|
||||
you remind me of igneous rock. when you are warm, you meld into the
|
||||
spaces around you and flow as liquid. but once you have cooled down, you
|
||||
are hard and rough.
|
||||
|
||||
i've never seen you warm. should i light you on fire? xavier wants
|
||||
me to light you on fire.
|
||||
|
||||
"haha," xavier says.
|
||||
|
||||
xavier has a fucking stupid name. xavier. sounds like some sort of
|
||||
king name or something. you know in school when you are learning the
|
||||
alphabet and they always say fucking "xylophone" for the letter x because
|
||||
the rest of the words are not pronouncable? well, they should say "xavier".
|
||||
xavier is a dumb enough fucking word.
|
||||
|
||||
i don't actually know anybody named xavier. now i will talk about
|
||||
his desire to not be spoken about.
|
||||
|
||||
he is a rather shy fellow with a pale round face and dark black hair.
|
||||
he is very thin and five foot four. if you punched him in the abdomen, he
|
||||
would double over and probably become deceased. he has asthma and wants to
|
||||
be a woman someday (though he doesn't know it).
|
||||
|
||||
once he looked for a secret shopping center and missed out; the sale
|
||||
was over; the roof caved in. they say it was due to poor drainage on the
|
||||
roof. water gathered up there like a miniature lake and then, one day, when
|
||||
all kinds of people were in the store, the water came crashing through the
|
||||
roof. that's pretty dumb. why didn't it wait until xavier was there?
|
||||
everything else does. it's like he's a magnet for disasters. if i knew
|
||||
him, i would speak of the time that he was playing guitar with a trampoline
|
||||
and it fell over and molested him.
|
||||
|
||||
no, it didn't molest him.
|
||||
|
||||
it
|
||||
|
||||
umm
|
||||
|
||||
did something else to him; and then he called for his mommy and she
|
||||
was wearing a teddy and ran out into the studio in their yard and pooped on
|
||||
him and then he ran away and has lots of problems.
|
||||
|
||||
poor xavier.
|
||||
|
||||
xavier kind of rhymes with saviour, you know. and really, you are my
|
||||
saviour. did i mention that i love you? you and all of the flaming whale
|
||||
oil that go along with it. why not warn people about water? if they're
|
||||
going to spray it at you, they should yell at you first, so you don't get
|
||||
bruised and then fall over and blush about the water and it's cooooOoOOld so
|
||||
you get chicken pox.
|
||||
|
||||
undeniably, you are NOT made of paper, and i know, because you didn't
|
||||
tear when i ripped you. you must be... cardboard or fiberboard or
|
||||
something, and you fucking suck. you were made by a paper factory? what
|
||||
the hell is wrong with you?
|
||||
|
||||
i am going to have your children, and i am going to give them food
|
||||
and lovin' so that they grow up to be well-centered individuals who don't
|
||||
follow trends and manage to pay attention to the little things in life and
|
||||
squat bugs that buzz around their eyeballs. that is, if they have eyeballs.
|
||||
|
||||
yeah, genetic deficiencies. i had one once. they said that it gave
|
||||
me a disease or something and then you came along and i forgot about it.
|
||||
but now that you're gone, i remember -- i want to buy you flowers, you got
|
||||
me over all of that shit that i was going through. and even though your
|
||||
breasts aren't as big as you want them to be, they're big enough to be
|
||||
yours, and you are big enough to be mine. so come on over here and smite my
|
||||
potato. repeat yourself over and over until you can't bleed any longer, and
|
||||
then suck your innards dry and work on that project you've been meaning to
|
||||
put off for years now.
|
||||
|
||||
picture this: german men cutting the wires to piped-in audio in
|
||||
american hotels.
|
||||
|
||||
it could be you -- it could be anyone. it could be german men.
|
||||
wearing suits; or hats -- pants, hemp. jingles run through my mind, it's a
|
||||
sign of being american and playing the organ -- i can't help but open up
|
||||
your timecapsule to investigate the fruits of your diapers. deep, deep, run
|
||||
run run run run. run run run, run from those who are chasing you, because
|
||||
|
||||
you just taken some shite and you feel alright
|
||||
|
||||
neeeeever fun
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #167 -- written by Trilobyte -- 12/26/97 *
|
||||
41
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0168.txt
Normal file
41
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0168.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,41 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #168
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Bots Are Evil" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Aster
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
bots are evil. they are very evil. they plan to take over the world.
|
||||
once we are in there clutchs there is no turning back!!! we must stop them!!
|
||||
if we don't the world woill no longer be as we know it!!! they will take
|
||||
over and make us all slaves. but you must hurry!!!! we must fight back!!! or
|
||||
they will get us for sure!!! they know I know about them and will eliminate
|
||||
me!!!!! I muswt warn the masses!!!!! you must be carefule!!!! bots are
|
||||
evilllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
||||
THEY MUST BE STOPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U MUST HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE MUST
|
||||
STOP THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
||||
WE!!!!!!!!!!!! MUST!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
||||
they are very very very very evil. they will take us down one by one. and
|
||||
they will take the world. do not trust them. trusting them would be suicide.
|
||||
you would be come a mindless soul wondering under their command!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
||||
we..must...stop..them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they will take the
|
||||
world. u say "bots? they are justdoing what WE say" NO!!! they have their
|
||||
own plan. and they will carry it out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
|
||||
|
||||
I warned you
|
||||
|
||||
they are coming
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #168 -- written by Aster -- 12/26/97 *
|
||||
60
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0169.txt
Normal file
60
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0169.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,60 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #169
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Your Sister is Hot" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Styx
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
I am selling all of my Pink Floyd rarities (commonly referred to as
|
||||
ROIOS in the bootlegging circle) and, to advertise, I posted a message on
|
||||
alt.music.pink-floyd. My .sig has the URL to my homepage and the pictures
|
||||
of my sister on there caused quite a ruckus in the newsgroup!
|
||||
|
||||
The following is the email I received from the guy who notified me of
|
||||
the situation. My sister is now a hit in alt.music.pink-floyd.
|
||||
|
||||
P.S. "ampf'ers" refers to "alt.music.pink-floyders."
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
Return-Path: <phorce@openix.com>
|
||||
Date: Thu, 25 Dec 1997 19:20:53 -0500
|
||||
From: RM <remoore@mindspring.com>
|
||||
Organization: MindSpring
|
||||
To: Styx <styx@rad.edu>
|
||||
Subject: Re: SELLING ENTIRE PINK FLOYD ROIO COLLECTION
|
||||
References: <1.5.4.32.19971225211703.00682234@pop.mindspring.com>
|
||||
>>
|
||||
>>
|
||||
>> Hey, Styx, nice to see that www.dto.net actually works for a
|
||||
>> change. Now I can see this hot pic of your sister all the other
|
||||
>> ampf'ers are talking about. Oh, yeah, and I'll also look at the roio's.
|
||||
>> Maybe.
|
||||
>
|
||||
> They're talking about my sister? I don't subscribe to the NG. What
|
||||
> are they saying?
|
||||
|
||||
A few months back, amidst some crossposting, someone checked out
|
||||
your homepage. They reported that your sister was hot, despite her Goth
|
||||
obsession. (I am in concordance, BTW.) I think there was a thread regarding
|
||||
two guys fighting over who got her hand in marriage.
|
||||
|
||||
Also, I checked out your writing compendium. There's some pretty
|
||||
funny shit in there. Glad to see a fellow smoker speaking out for DA HERB.
|
||||
|
||||
Regards,
|
||||
RM
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #169 -- written by Styx -- 12/26/97 *
|
||||
95
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0170.txt
Normal file
95
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0170.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,95 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #170
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Why Can't I Be A Crack Baby?" <<
|
||||
|
||||
by -> Backwash
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Chris was a typical angst teen. His parents named him Chris to confuse
|
||||
him about his sexuality. He was sure of it because all his anti-heroes had
|
||||
told him his parents were evil. He was watching television, doing his best
|
||||
to try to hate himself, almost to the point that he actually did, when he
|
||||
saw a boy on television born without arms or legs. He gazed into the boy's
|
||||
eyes as his mind recoiled a bit at the thought of actually having such
|
||||
misfortune, when he had an idea.
|
||||
|
||||
"If I was born without arms or legs, or I was a mongoloid, think how
|
||||
miserable I could be! Then all of my friends would accept me, and maybe I
|
||||
could get some typical shallow girl to fuck me in a rare moment of empathy.
|
||||
I may be far too weak to take a stand, but with nature on my side, latching
|
||||
onto the world's extremely short attention span, think what I could do!"
|
||||
|
||||
He realized it just wouldn't work if he just cut off his own limbs,
|
||||
though. He'd become too much of a miscreant, even to his warped culture, so
|
||||
he went to scream at his parents, which is what he always did when he was
|
||||
frustrated.
|
||||
|
||||
"MOM! Why the fuck didn't you smoke or drink or do crack you goddamn
|
||||
whore! Look at me! I have all my limbs and I have average intelligence!
|
||||
What's your problem? Are you trying to sabotage my social life again?!"
|
||||
|
||||
His mom had learned to tune him out by now and had given up. She gave
|
||||
a reflexive, disdaining nod of the head, and went back to reading her
|
||||
romance novels. Chris continued to rant.
|
||||
|
||||
"Don't you understand? I could have been somebody! The world could
|
||||
have been mine if only I didn't have the mental or physical ability to grasp
|
||||
it!"
|
||||
|
||||
His mom couldn't ignore him any longer. "Look," she said, trying to
|
||||
disguise her contempt for what her son had become. "You're a wonderful
|
||||
person; you are special and you underplay that all the time. Why do you
|
||||
need to be some freak for that?"
|
||||
|
||||
Chris was cynical, as usual. "Like thinking for yourself ever got
|
||||
anyone anywhere! You have to be a genetic freak or be rich to make a
|
||||
difference now! I don't even have any kind of mental imbalance!"
|
||||
|
||||
Chris went back to his room, pouted a bit, and tried to foster his
|
||||
misanthropy, still gazing at his painfully present arms and legs. "Damn
|
||||
it," he said with utter bitterness. "Why did I have to be so perfect? Why
|
||||
can't people like me because I'm handsome and dumb?" He began to swear as
|
||||
loudly as he could against the reverse eugenics that kept him from being
|
||||
cool, when all of a sudden, a heavenly figure appeared.
|
||||
|
||||
The reality of it all hit Chris all at once, although apathy was bred
|
||||
into him well enough not to be knocked back by the realization that his
|
||||
abandonment of religion to be cool might have just backfired on him.
|
||||
|
||||
"Chris, I'm here to help you. I can turn back time and give you your
|
||||
wish, if you are sure you want this."
|
||||
|
||||
"Puh," Chris spoke in a typically surly tone. "I don't need you
|
||||
questioning my damn wants. I know better. Give me what you got, I have
|
||||
better things to do."
|
||||
|
||||
There was a blinding flash of nothingness. As Chris regained
|
||||
conciousness, he was laying on the floor with 4 stumps on each end of him,
|
||||
as his mind slowly uncoiled from what had happened.
|
||||
|
||||
"Yes!" he exclaimed in his head. "I've arrived, I'm in malcontent
|
||||
paradise, I can garner whatever empathy hasn't been sucked out of the world,
|
||||
I'm a god, I'm...." Suddenly, as he flashed into his new reality, his mom
|
||||
came in and picked him up as he gurgled happily. After all, he didn't know
|
||||
anything else anymore, and his life was now stress-free. As his mom walked
|
||||
away with the now infantile and gimpish Chris, she said to his father, "He
|
||||
almost looks like he has a glimmer of intelligence today. It's odd, like he
|
||||
could almost speak."
|
||||
|
||||
Chris did do his part to help his culture, though. His picture
|
||||
appeared on numerous anti-drug pamphlets and angered many fellow teens, who
|
||||
felt it was "crap, made up by old people, they just don't understand us."
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #170 -- written by Backwash -- 12/26/97 *
|
||||
48
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0171.txt
Normal file
48
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0171.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,48 @@
|
||||
___ ___ ___
|
||||
/\ \ /\ \ /\__\ the glorious hogs of entropy
|
||||
\:\ \ /::\ \ /:/ _/_ present unto you
|
||||
\:\ \ /:/\:\ \ /:/ /\__\ issue #171
|
||||
___ /::\ \ /:/ \:\ \ /:/ /:/ _/_
|
||||
/\ /:/\:\__\ /:/__/ \:\__\ /:/_/:/ /\__\ >> "The Hanson Scourge" <<
|
||||
\:\/:/ \/__/ \:\ \ /:/ / \:\/:/ /:/ / by -> DeusVitae
|
||||
\::/__/ \:\ /:/ / \::/_/:/ / n
|
||||
\:\ \ o \:\/:/ / \:\/:/ / t oink you, sucker.
|
||||
\:\__\ g \::/ / f \::/ / r
|
||||
\/__/ s \/__/ \/__/ o p y
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
A theory has come to light concerning the growth of Hanson and the
|
||||
secret plan to undermine the nation using their music.
|
||||
|
||||
First, Hanson is a modern alternative band comprising of three
|
||||
"old-boy" brothers that have extremely high voices and look like women.
|
||||
This fits well with the government's latest plan.
|
||||
|
||||
The Government has decided that there are too few people in insane
|
||||
asylums and that those institutions are no longer profitable. So, they have
|
||||
bought out Hanson to serve their evil purposes.
|
||||
|
||||
Their plan is to add high frequency waves to the Hanson songs in
|
||||
order to drive Americans mad. This is not difficult to do, ans Hanson
|
||||
already sings at a gender-questioning pitch. The only problem was that
|
||||
their songs needed air time...
|
||||
|
||||
The Government, cruel as it is, devised a successful scheme to get
|
||||
their songs air time. Reliable sources have proven that the food consumed
|
||||
by middle school students all over the nation has been tainted with
|
||||
radioactive estrogen, therefore driving all the middle schools who fall prey
|
||||
to it into Hanson-loving fits, and so they ask to hear it on the radio.
|
||||
And, since the only songs people easily memorize are those they hate,
|
||||
everyone knows and sings Hanson.
|
||||
|
||||
Their plan has been successful. The number of people being
|
||||
institutionalized has risen 200% over the past few months. Don't let this
|
||||
happen to you: I advise you all to immediately submit yourselves to
|
||||
anti-Hanson brainwashing and quarantines, so that the wicked Government does
|
||||
not defeat us.
|
||||
|
||||
- Sources to remain confidential. Have a good day.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #171 -- written by DeusVitae -- 12/30/97 *
|
||||
151
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0172.txt
Normal file
151
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0172.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,151 @@
|
||||
___ ___ ___
|
||||
/\ \ /\ \ /\__\ the glorious hogs of entropy
|
||||
\:\ \ /::\ \ /:/ _/_ present unto you
|
||||
\:\ \ /:/\:\ \ /:/ /\__\ issue #172
|
||||
___ /::\ \ /:/ \:\ \ /:/ /:/ _/_
|
||||
/\ /:/\:\__\ /:/__/ \:\__\ /:/_/:/ /\__\ >> "The Three Little Wolves
|
||||
\:\/:/ \/__/ \:\ \ /:/ / \:\/:/ /:/ / and the Big Bad Pig" <<
|
||||
\::/__/ \:\ /:/ / \::/_/:/ / n
|
||||
\:\ \ o \:\/:/ / \:\/:/ / t by -> File13
|
||||
\:\__\ g \::/ / f \::/ / r
|
||||
\/__/ s \/__/ \/__/ o p y -- oink you, pal.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
<picture of a wolf in a bikini, "don't i look sexy?">
|
||||
|
||||
Do you remember the three little pigs and the big, bad wolf? What
|
||||
the big bad wolf didn't know is that those pigs were babies. They have a
|
||||
big, bad cousin. After the wolf incident (he actually ate two of the pigs),
|
||||
the one pig left phoned his carnivorous cousin to back him up. They did all
|
||||
of this in secret so as not to lead the wolves into suspicion. And this is
|
||||
where the story starts.
|
||||
|
||||
The three little wolves lived in small houses on the other side of
|
||||
the forest from the pigs. The one remaining pig, and the Big Bad Pig
|
||||
(he likes to be called B. B. P.) monitored the wolves. They noticed that
|
||||
the wolves weren't very bright.
|
||||
|
||||
<picture of one wolf on fire. "i'm on fire. help!", then one
|
||||
approaches carrying gasoline. "i'm coming!" then the house catches on
|
||||
fire, too.>
|
||||
|
||||
The wolves were born and raised stupid. They were always building
|
||||
new houses, because every time they cooked they burned down their houses.
|
||||
Their houses weren't exactly top-notch, either. The first wolf was the
|
||||
stupidest. He built his house out of cards. His name was Sigmund.
|
||||
|
||||
<picture of Sigmund by his house of cards with his head on fire. "how
|
||||
am i supposed to get in without a door!?">
|
||||
|
||||
The next wolf was a little (and when I say little, i mean *LITTLE*)
|
||||
bit smarter than Sigmund. His name was Ralph. He was at the supermarket
|
||||
and he saw that staples and paper were on sale, so he bought five dozen
|
||||
packs of each. He made a house out of it.
|
||||
|
||||
<picture of "Ralph'z Hous: Cold Beir Inside" Ralph is outside,
|
||||
"There's no paint. i guess i'll paint it with gasoline!">
|
||||
|
||||
The last wolf was the best with common sense, but if you met him, you
|
||||
would think he's a little off his rocker. He had an imaginary friend named
|
||||
Pepe, and he called everyone Steve. He seemed the smartest because he made
|
||||
his house out of cardboard. His name was Calvin.
|
||||
|
||||
<picture of Calvin, "meet my friend Pepe, steve." <-- standing
|
||||
outside his refrigerator box house>
|
||||
|
||||
From what I've told you, you can understand that the pig was pretty
|
||||
confident about getting back at the wolves, so he went into it without a
|
||||
plan, not thinking of his one weakness.
|
||||
|
||||
When BBP got there, their houses were on fire (from their cooking, as
|
||||
usual). He knew that if he got even close to the fire, he would be bacon.
|
||||
He had to make a plan now.
|
||||
|
||||
<picture of all the houses an fire and all the wolves' heads burning>
|
||||
|
||||
He watched the wolves everyday to monitor what they were doing.
|
||||
Sigmund usually ate grass in the morning, picked his nose most of the
|
||||
afternoon, and counted the cards on his house at night. The house always
|
||||
had the same number of cards, but he counted them anyway.
|
||||
|
||||
<picture of Sigmund eating grass. "grass... yummy.">
|
||||
|
||||
Ralph mostly sold rootbeer all day (but he thought it was real beer).
|
||||
He sold only to his brothers even though he was open to everyone. He
|
||||
thought he didn't have enough advertising, so he put up more signs. The
|
||||
only problem is that he put up all the signs in his house, so no one ever
|
||||
knew he was selling anything.
|
||||
|
||||
<picture of Ralph's "Beir Stand">
|
||||
|
||||
Calvin had a little bit different day from the other wolves. First
|
||||
thing in the morning he gave Pepe a pep talk for the day, because according
|
||||
to Calvin, Pepe had emotional problems. He then headed to his winery to
|
||||
make wine from celery.
|
||||
|
||||
<picture of Calvin talking to an empty stool: "let's make some wine
|
||||
for the gipper, Pepe!">
|
||||
|
||||
He could never make any wine, but he tried every day. He mostly just
|
||||
ate the celery and drank pure alcohol.
|
||||
|
||||
<picture of Calvin passed out on the floor>
|
||||
|
||||
BBP planned to go at night while Sigmund was counting the cards on
|
||||
his house; Calvin was probably intoxicated, and Ralph was sitting at his
|
||||
root "beir" bar. This way he could easily find all the wolves.
|
||||
|
||||
He couldn't figure out who to eat first. sigmund would probably be
|
||||
the easiest since all he was doing was counting cards outside. BBP snuck up
|
||||
behind him and yelled, "BOO!" Sigmund pissed in his pants. BBP didn't want
|
||||
to eat something that tasted like urine, so he made Sigmund take a bath
|
||||
while he went over to Calvin's.
|
||||
|
||||
<picture of Sigmund pissing on the ground>
|
||||
|
||||
When he got to Calvin's house, Calvin had a BAC of 0.2. BBP was
|
||||
about the devour him when Calvin said, "why don't we go over to Ralph's and
|
||||
drink some rootbeer?"
|
||||
|
||||
"Rootbeer," thought BBP. "My one weakness."
|
||||
|
||||
They headed over to Ralph's house, only to find Sigmund pacing in
|
||||
front muttering someting about "Big Bad Pig, Big Bad Pig." Calvin convinced
|
||||
Sigmund that BBP wasn't going to eat him, and they went inside.
|
||||
|
||||
Ralph was thrilled to have a new customer. The four of them talked
|
||||
and soon became good friends. They decided to get together every afternoon
|
||||
to drink rootbeer and watch TV.
|
||||
|
||||
The little remaining pig called BBP every day to see if he had
|
||||
completed the task.
|
||||
|
||||
<picture of little pig: "killed them yet?">
|
||||
|
||||
BBP had to lied to him every day and say that he was still plotting
|
||||
and making plans.
|
||||
|
||||
<picture of BBP: "I have them right where I want them!">
|
||||
|
||||
One day when BBP was with the wolves, they were eating something.
|
||||
|
||||
BBP asked, "What are you eating?"
|
||||
|
||||
Calvin replied, "Nothing, are we, Ralph?"
|
||||
|
||||
Ralph said, "No, nothing, are we, Sigmund?"
|
||||
|
||||
Sigmund just muttered, "Pork rinds, yeah, yeah, pork rinds, yummy."
|
||||
|
||||
BBP went crazy. He ate all three wolves and lived happily ever
|
||||
after. The moral of the story is: Don't eat pork rinds in front of a
|
||||
carnivorous pig.
|
||||
|
||||
<picture of BBP with his pointed teach showing...drooling at the
|
||||
mouth>
|
||||
|
||||
The End.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #172 -- written by File13 -- 12/30/97 *
|
||||
127
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0173.txt
Normal file
127
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0173.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,127 @@
|
||||
___ ___ ___
|
||||
/\ \ /\ \ /\__\ the glorious hogs of entropy
|
||||
\:\ \ /::\ \ /:/ _/_ present unto you
|
||||
\:\ \ /:/\:\ \ /:/ /\__\ issue #173
|
||||
___ /::\ \ /:/ \:\ \ /:/ /:/ _/_
|
||||
/\ /:/\:\__\ /:/__/ \:\__\ /:/_/:/ /\__\ >> "dwindle dwindle dwindle" <<
|
||||
\:\/:/ \/__/ \:\ \ /:/ / \:\/:/ /:/ / by -> cstone
|
||||
\::/__/ \:\ /:/ / \::/_/:/ / n
|
||||
\:\ \ o \:\/:/ / \:\/:/ / t oink you, pal.
|
||||
\:\__\ g \::/ / f \::/ / r
|
||||
\/__/ s \/__/ \/__/ o p y
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Tae likes his job. LIP pays him well; it pays his bills, is adequate
|
||||
for his alcohol habit, and it pays for a rather nice one-bedroom,
|
||||
four-hundred square feet apartment in the lowest level of a block building
|
||||
in Itasca.
|
||||
|
||||
block buildings are Itasca, Illinois's answer to its former surplus
|
||||
of ghost shopping towns, the remnants of the former booming economy in that
|
||||
area that frightened all the money elsewhere. they are dark primer-colored
|
||||
buildings three stories high with four identical four-hundred square feet
|
||||
apartments seemingly impossibly crammed on each floor.
|
||||
|
||||
as Tae walks among the dozens of rows of block buildings to reach his
|
||||
this evening, he is careful not to trip over the rubber -- and
|
||||
neoprene-reinforced bundles of coaxial cable run in series from one block
|
||||
building to another. cuts in the cable are not a significant problem
|
||||
anymore; there is a SunComm repair team camped in a block building apartment
|
||||
for every three rows of thirteen buildings each in this area. cuts get
|
||||
serviced in less than ten minutes.
|
||||
|
||||
home entry authentication in august, 2000, in the block buildings,
|
||||
has advanced to retinal scans. Tae sticks his face close to, but not
|
||||
touching, the face-shaped mold built into the wall near his door. someone
|
||||
has drawn a New Age Movers symbol, a reverse swastika, in pencil above the
|
||||
scanning panel. Tae ignores it.
|
||||
|
||||
after Tae enters his apartment, his computer monitor switches on
|
||||
(his computer is on all the time) while the door automatically closes. Tae
|
||||
takes a beer from the dirty green exterior, clean white interior
|
||||
refrigerator and sits down at the computer to read this week's LIP.
|
||||
|
||||
LIP is Life In Print, the recently rated #1 webzine of 1999.
|
||||
subscriptions are only $5 a year, and they have over ten million customers.
|
||||
their most read column this month is "Grunge Revive Jive," one of the
|
||||
columns that Tae is in charge of.
|
||||
|
||||
Tae's full name is Taema Nonai. he has been on the very
|
||||
distinguished LIP editorial staff for six years now, even back to the
|
||||
non-pay non-web days. now Tae's life is good, yes, but as he reads the
|
||||
reviews for the Paperthins' "life is good," the painfully obvious but not
|
||||
picked up on subliminal message that life wasn't perfect enters his
|
||||
subconcious. Tae is good at ignoring his subconcious, though.
|
||||
|
||||
Tae turns off the monitor via the manual switch. finds the yellowing
|
||||
beer -- and coffee-stained pages of laser-printed copies of LIP in a box
|
||||
near the rarely-used old-style analog television, mixed in with check pay
|
||||
stubs and hardcopy drafts of old LIP editorials.
|
||||
|
||||
december, 1994 -- LIFE IN PRINT -- yeah, so fuck off
|
||||
|
||||
1. "smells like he's dead" (finally) -- peoplekiller
|
||||
2. "can't buy feelings, baby" -- lisa
|
||||
3. "spit me out, eat me" -- evil_light
|
||||
|
||||
(etc.)
|
||||
|
||||
Tae carries his beer and the zine to the bed, and sits, back against
|
||||
the wall, and reads there, for a good two hours. he devours every old LIP
|
||||
he can find.
|
||||
|
||||
reads a method of communication that is not funded by currency but by
|
||||
motivation, (or the lack of it, in some cases), of a passion that moves
|
||||
people to express themselves in any way they can.
|
||||
|
||||
perhaps the fact that the difference between LIP now and then is so
|
||||
great carries so many feelings of disillusionment and disappointment is the
|
||||
reason why Tae has willfully stayed on this long, happy. he was never at
|
||||
the very apogee of the LIP chain, even in the print days; he was friends
|
||||
with the original editor, friends with every editor since, even during the
|
||||
sale.
|
||||
|
||||
the emotion that hides behind the words in the zine that Tae is
|
||||
reading is not hidden or changed like the new LIP; it is still there. Life
|
||||
In Print is suddenly lively again, to him, the ideas of difference and
|
||||
observing, criticizing trends instead of setting them are returning. change
|
||||
returns.
|
||||
|
||||
Tae is in charge of the entire music section of Life In Print. he
|
||||
has live access to the webpages, and he is the one responsible for editing
|
||||
content.
|
||||
|
||||
perhaps (although not incredibly likely) it is the single beer in
|
||||
Tae's empty stomach, but more likely it is the revival of seeing pure
|
||||
instead of edited emotion that brings him to his conclusion. everyone else
|
||||
is going to see how LIP used to be, to see this emotion in the form of
|
||||
writing.
|
||||
|
||||
Tae gets another beer. turns the monitor back on. finds an
|
||||
old-style floppy disk labeled "LIP9396" and sticks it in the computer.
|
||||
luckily enough, his label is accurate, and he is now looking at the
|
||||
december, 1994, issue of Life In Print. Tae opens the beer and takes a
|
||||
long swig.
|
||||
|
||||
Tae logs in to the LIP web server remotely, and takes down the
|
||||
current articles, deletes them all. quickly substitutes the old issues of
|
||||
LIP, august-december, 1994. they're out. again. people can see them. Tae
|
||||
takes another long swig. Tae realizes his happiness now is greater than it
|
||||
was just three hours ago. Life In Print may not be in print (it never
|
||||
regularly has been), but it is more lifelike.
|
||||
|
||||
of course, this didn't last. the ten million customers of LIP
|
||||
weren't moved, impressed, the way Tae was. Grunge Revive Jive was gone.
|
||||
that was the issue.
|
||||
|
||||
of course, what appealed to the ten million customers of LIP appealed
|
||||
to the entire heart of LIP. they didn't even bother to call him, give him
|
||||
the courtesy call to say that he'd been fired. they locked him out of the
|
||||
LIP server, and Grunge Revive Jive's friendly-but-sassiness was back, in
|
||||
less than two hours; the colors, the splashes of light on the screen
|
||||
welcomed the eager customers; the coldness, worries, passionate, raw text,
|
||||
the roots, were gone. Taema Nonai was gone.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #173 -- written by cstone -- 12/30/97 *
|
||||
40
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0174.txt
Normal file
40
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0174.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,40 @@
|
||||
___ ___ ___
|
||||
/\ \ /\ \ /\__\ the glorious hogs of entropy
|
||||
\:\ \ /::\ \ /:/ _/_ present unto you
|
||||
\:\ \ /:/\:\ \ /:/ /\__\ issue #174
|
||||
___ /::\ \ /:/ \:\ \ /:/ /:/ _/_
|
||||
/\ /:/\:\__\ /:/__/ \:\__\ /:/_/:/ /\__\ >> "Barbeque, I Don't Like You" <<
|
||||
\:\/:/ \/__/ \:\ \ /:/ / \:\/:/ /:/ / by -> Phorce
|
||||
\::/__/ \:\ /:/ / \::/_/:/ / n
|
||||
\:\ \ o \:\/:/ / \:\/:/ / t oink you, pal.
|
||||
\:\__\ g \::/ / f \::/ / r
|
||||
\/__/ s \/__/ \/__/ o p y
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
okay, so here goes: so, a duck and a barbeque walk into a bar, and
|
||||
the bitch duck (who's a female) shouts, after a heated argument, "barbeque,
|
||||
i don't like you."
|
||||
|
||||
the barbeque is so charmed by this unintentional rhyme that he turns
|
||||
it into a pop ditty that takes the country by storm. the barbeque and the
|
||||
duck team up under the name "barbequed duck" and sign a big deal with
|
||||
polygram.
|
||||
|
||||
but what's wrong? they lack inspiration. simply put, they have no
|
||||
talent. the song "barbeque, i don't like you" may have been amazing, but
|
||||
since then the duck and the barbeque have been having problems recreating
|
||||
the creative process which produced the first song.
|
||||
|
||||
they try everything. they visit almost every bar they see, hoping to
|
||||
reproduce that first moment of inspiration that spawned their first song.
|
||||
they pick fights over everything; from the subtleties of apparel choices
|
||||
to the grand disputes of political ideology.
|
||||
|
||||
but they fail. why? because BARBEQUES AND DUCKS CAN'T REALLY SING
|
||||
AND THE DUCK WAS A BITCH ANYWAY AND THE FIRST SONG WASN'T REALLY THAT GOOD
|
||||
REALLY AND THE BARBEQUE DIDN'T REALLY HAVE ANY TALENT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
|
||||
STUPID ASSES. I HOPE THEY LEARNED THEIR FUCKING LESSON.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #174 -- written by phorce -- 12/30/97 *
|
||||
81
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0175.txt
Normal file
81
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0175.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,81 @@
|
||||
___ ___ ___
|
||||
/\ \ /\ \ /\__\ the glorious hogs of entropy
|
||||
\:\ \ /::\ \ /:/ _/_ present unto you
|
||||
\:\ \ /:/\:\ \ /:/ /\__\ issue #175
|
||||
___ /::\ \ /:/ \:\ \ /:/ /:/ _/_
|
||||
/\ /:/\:\__\ /:/__/ \:\__\ /:/_/:/ /\__\ >> "A Horrible Imitation of
|
||||
\:\/:/ \/__/ \:\ \ /:/ / \:\/:/ /:/ / Henry Miller" <<
|
||||
\::/__/ \:\ /:/ / \::/_/:/ / n
|
||||
\:\ \ o \:\/:/ / \:\/:/ / t by -> Skinhorse
|
||||
\:\__\ g \::/ / f \::/ / r
|
||||
\/__/ s \/__/ \/__/ o p y oink you, foo'.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
I get all tangled up in her twat. Its lips throb harder, turning all
|
||||
gradients of warm infrared and purple as I stare into it with all the
|
||||
impulse of will I have learned since I was in the 1st grade. We have a
|
||||
reciprocal relationship. We get wrapped up in each other, and blood flows to
|
||||
us as we sit here, in a mutual trance, not really doing anything. At least
|
||||
I'm not conscious of moving. I could be jacking off, for all I know, but I
|
||||
don't feel that much right now so I couldn't say for a fact that I am. I do
|
||||
know for a fact that she is simultaneously gushing and not moving.
|
||||
|
||||
The stasis, the standoff, the state of mind that comes from my
|
||||
completely reverse-engineered idea of sexual arousal. Just like Xerox to
|
||||
MacOS to Microsoft, the people who use my brand of sex are only vaguely
|
||||
aware that it has been stolen outright with a few slight and probably
|
||||
misconceived modifications. They don't care. It's what they use, if only by
|
||||
convenience; it does them well.
|
||||
|
||||
Sexual trance is a beautiful thing, it's present in everyone to some
|
||||
degree. When you move into the mental state of erotic excitement, you are
|
||||
in a trance. Your workaday interests don't matter much at that point.
|
||||
People with creative powers lesser than me refer to it as "primal instinct;"
|
||||
people with real creativity wouldn't refer to it at all and would let the
|
||||
situation speak for itself in the mind of the reader. It's not something
|
||||
that we all have in common, but it's something that a lot of people can
|
||||
grasp and hold onto, and it's totally obvious to the point where I shouldn't
|
||||
even be devoting a single word to it. Our world is fragmented. Sex and
|
||||
sports are the only things that you can consistently talk about with another
|
||||
human being in the Western world. I don't know a fucking thing about sports.
|
||||
|
||||
When I put a woman into a trance, it's simultaneously more and less
|
||||
subtle than the standard techniques of removing the responsibility to one's
|
||||
implanted moral code. We lie together on the bed. She listens, I croon, and
|
||||
soon she's relaxed, and she thinks that I have some degree of control over
|
||||
her, which she finds arousing. The thing is, I don't have a bit of control.
|
||||
If she didn't want to be fucking me, she wouldn't be lying on my bed
|
||||
allowing herself to be put into this position in the first place.
|
||||
|
||||
Nonetheless, she has allowed herself to be hypnotized. She has
|
||||
hypnotized herself through me; she lets herself think that this is me
|
||||
talking and not her own body and mind. She thinks I can do things to her
|
||||
that no man has ever done, and I do. I turn her into a virgin, I make her
|
||||
a six-year-old girl with a 30-year-old libido. I wave the magic wand and
|
||||
turn her into nothing but a clitoris with limbs. I flick her earlobe gently
|
||||
with my index finger; she comes. And she comes again and again, as she lets
|
||||
herself be taken deeper in. A mere brush against her nipples turns her cunt
|
||||
into a trash compactor. I place my tongue on her, and the contractions cut
|
||||
up my bottom lip. She has set herself free. She thinks that I've done the
|
||||
job for her. All I really have done is planted a suggestion, a seed that
|
||||
will make her come back for more. She probably would have anyhow, because
|
||||
she's under the false impression that I have a secret known to no other
|
||||
readily available man.
|
||||
|
||||
And she wakes up, groggily and unwillingly, and we have nothing in
|
||||
common again, but people don't really need to have anything in common on a
|
||||
conscious level to fuck. As educated as we consider ourselves these days,
|
||||
this is a fact that we completely overlook. This is how shit always used to
|
||||
get done. If you have a connection on another level, it's completely and
|
||||
immediately obvious. Whole relationships, whether brutally volatile or
|
||||
mind-numbingly conventional ending-in-marriage-happily-ever-after fare, have
|
||||
been forged time and time again around nothing but the fact that two
|
||||
people's genitals fit really well around each other, right to the level of
|
||||
penetrating the psyche and fertilizing senseless love out of nowhere.
|
||||
Everything else, really, is meaningless bullshit.
|
||||
|
||||
Friendship is BASIC, fucking is assembler.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #175 -- written by Skinhorse -- 12/30/97 *
|
||||
49
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0176.txt
Normal file
49
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0176.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,49 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #176
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Anything Else" <<
|
||||
by -> PezMonkey
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
I have a brother. He is stupid. His name is Jay, and he is 20 years
|
||||
old but acts like he's 12. I really can't stand him. I have a dad. He's
|
||||
not stupid. He doesn't say much, though, so I don't really know what he
|
||||
thinks about things. I am Southern. This is an important thing to note
|
||||
when reading the remainder of this article, since most people tend to think
|
||||
of incest when they think of Southerners. Now, a little story about me
|
||||
embarrassing myself:
|
||||
|
||||
My brother and I have been having little screen-saver wars ever since
|
||||
we've been home from school for Christmas break. It started when he put
|
||||
the marquee as, "Lindsey is stupid and ugly and washes her hair in the
|
||||
toilet." Great, real mature, Jay. So, despite the fact that I *am* mature,
|
||||
I changed the screen saver to, "Jay is stupid, and he sucks, and he brushes
|
||||
his teeth in dog pee." Fun fun for everyone! This has continued for most
|
||||
of break.
|
||||
|
||||
Today, my dad was typing at the computer, and after he paused to talk
|
||||
to me, he turned around, and the screen saver was up. "Who did this?" he
|
||||
asked, somewhere between amused and angry. Thinking that I had put up the
|
||||
last screen-saver message, I answered, "I did, but Jay started it by putting
|
||||
something mean about me first!!" (I told you I'm mature.) So my dad gives
|
||||
me a weird look, then goes back to typing.
|
||||
|
||||
Later, I notice that Jay must have changed the screen saver before my
|
||||
dad saw it, because it said, "When I think about Jay, I touch myself."
|
||||
|
||||
MORAL: If you're Southern, don't tell your dad that you were the one
|
||||
who wrote the screen saver, because he'll think you're having incestuous
|
||||
thoughts about your brother.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #176 -- written by PezMonkey -- 1/4/98 *
|
||||
91
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0177.txt
Normal file
91
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0177.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,91 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #177
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "What's Your New Year's Resolution? Huh?" <<
|
||||
by -> FyFy
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Date: Wed, 31 Dec 1997 01:54:56
|
||||
From: thuhuong@usa.net
|
||||
To: mogel@dto.net
|
||||
Subject: Submission
|
||||
|
||||
Here is a short one that I quickly whipped up after exploring your
|
||||
great site. Hopefully in the future I may submit more if my mind comes to
|
||||
it. Anyway enjoy!!!
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
What's your New Year's resolution? Huh?
|
||||
|
||||
I want to be someone. I don't want to be the person sitting in the dark and
|
||||
talking to myself and wondering where everyone is going and what they're
|
||||
doing next. I want to be in the "in" crowd. I want to be the talk among the
|
||||
people. I'll be different. I promise. I'll change. I'll do whatever it
|
||||
takes. I want...I want...
|
||||
|
||||
Yeah sure that's what you said last year and it never happened. You fuckin'
|
||||
screwed up. You're not strong enough to push yourself. You're one worthless
|
||||
piece of junk. Remember what happened last year when you went to that party
|
||||
where all the guys were checking you out. You totally freaked and started
|
||||
talking nonsense bullshit. You scared them away. You're crap!
|
||||
|
||||
Don't call me crap! I'm not crap! I can change this time I promise. This
|
||||
year I'll be different I swear to God! I'll make it work. You'll see and
|
||||
you'll know I'm telling the truth. I want to change this time. I'm not dumb
|
||||
you'll see. Besides it takes time and everyone changes don't they? I mean
|
||||
I'm not a freak. They're are others who are way worse than I am. I'm just
|
||||
unique.
|
||||
|
||||
Unique? You call sitting in a dark room and talking to yourself unique?!
|
||||
I'll tell you what unique is. It's being able to touch people with what you
|
||||
are and show them the type of person you are. What you're showing to people
|
||||
is someone who needs help. You're so pathetic can't you see no one wants to
|
||||
be around you?
|
||||
|
||||
What do you mean? Help? I'm just fine the way I am. I talk to myself because
|
||||
most of time you're up there asking me a whole lotta questions. The incident
|
||||
with the boys at that party was mostly your fault too. I didn't admit it at
|
||||
first but now that I realize it, it was all your fault. You kept saying,
|
||||
"Go for it! Go for it!" That's why I started yelling. Then again I should
|
||||
blame you for making me the way I am today. You're the one who made me turn
|
||||
this way. Can't you see it's you who's running me.
|
||||
|
||||
Me?! Ha! You can't even walk right without me telling you how to. I taught
|
||||
you everything you know. Without me you're nothing. If you wanna change,
|
||||
girl you gotta work with me. Not without me. Without me you'll be nothing.
|
||||
You'll screw up and be like shit. You think you know everything there is to
|
||||
know huh? Well think again. Who was there talking to you and comforting you
|
||||
when you cried, who was there to tell you that there is danger approaching,
|
||||
who was the one who patiently walked you through your problems and guide you
|
||||
out? Huh? Huh? Me! Me!
|
||||
|
||||
I hate you! All you do is judge me! You never cared for me! You were always
|
||||
trying to be this goody-two shoe. You make me look like a fool in front of
|
||||
people. You want to take over me. You want me to become you. You know I
|
||||
don't want that. I want to be myself. I can learn to walk right without you.
|
||||
I can have others to teach me how. I don't need you. I can call someone
|
||||
else. Besides...I like being alone. You're the one always wanting to be
|
||||
around people. You know people scare me. But this year I'm gonna change.
|
||||
Promise. I'll get to know people better. People will see me. I won't yell
|
||||
and shout anymore and drive anyone away. I won't have you telling me what
|
||||
to do. Because...you'll be gone.
|
||||
|
||||
-=Thu Huong Nguyen=-
|
||||
/ \
|
||||
/ aka \
|
||||
/ \
|
||||
/ -=FyFy=- \
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #177 -- written by FyFy -- 1/4/98 *
|
||||
36
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0178.txt
Normal file
36
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0178.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,36 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #178
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Drop Dead" <<
|
||||
by -> Rattle
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
and then i pointed at him with my index finger and said "fucking
|
||||
die." with that he just dropped to the floor, completely motionless.
|
||||
as if he was a machine that someone just cut the power feed to. needless
|
||||
to say, the others in the restraunt were quite alarmed. while i just stood
|
||||
there staring at the motionless body on the floor smiling, one of the
|
||||
watresses called 911. in the 4 min it took for the cops and ambulence to
|
||||
arrive, most of the people in the ihop left. most without paying. some of
|
||||
the emploees left also. i have never seen a place clear out so fast. the
|
||||
cops could not find any grounds to arrest me on. it made no sence that
|
||||
this guy could just drop dead because i told him to. they told me that
|
||||
they were going to watch me closely, and that i shouldn't leave town.
|
||||
later i heard that an autopsy showed that the guy died for no reason. the
|
||||
corroners were totally stumped. for no decernable reason his brain just
|
||||
shut off and longer sent any commands to the rest of the dude's body.
|
||||
none of this made any sence to me, i don't even know who that guy was
|
||||
or why i turned to talk to him...
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #178 -- written by Rattle -- 1/4/97 *
|
||||
64
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0179.txt
Normal file
64
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0179.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,64 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #179
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "The Storys of Le and Kurt" <<
|
||||
by -> Aster
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
once apon a time there was a man named Remote Con Troll. mr, troll
|
||||
lived in an apartment with his roommates, Le Amp and Kurt An. they had a pet
|
||||
mouse called Serial. serial was the smartest of the four. he made sure they
|
||||
went to work in the mornings and went to sleep at night. remote, le, and
|
||||
kurt wern't to smart. le was very bright but did not know too much. he
|
||||
couldn't read or write and he could only say four words "dark" "light" "on"
|
||||
and "off". kurt was very lazy. all he did was hang around all day, therefor
|
||||
his brain rotted away to nothing at all. he only knew three words "beer"
|
||||
"dust" and "window". remote was very quiet. he did nopt say anything, for he
|
||||
did not know anything to say. so he did whatever he was told. once serial
|
||||
got alittle sarcastic and told him to cut off his fingers. remote only has
|
||||
four fingers (I told you he wasn't very smart, hye couldn't even cut off all
|
||||
his fingers). so every morning serial woke up the three roommates explained
|
||||
to them how to get dressed, while le squealed "on off on off" and kurt
|
||||
screamed "beeeeeeeeeeer!!". serial would tell them again how to get to the
|
||||
nail factory and made sure they got there. even with that they got there 20
|
||||
minutes late on the dot (the one smart thing about them was that they were
|
||||
very consistent and punctuall(if you forget that 20 mins))after work serial
|
||||
would take them by the neighbors, mand a. rin, and tang r. ine. for the rest
|
||||
of the afternoon they wood eat the oranges that mr. ine and miss. rin gave
|
||||
them, except kurt, who would demand beer. serial would shut him up by giving
|
||||
him water with brown food coloring in it. kurt was usually on his fifth or
|
||||
sixth glass before he realized it was not beer. by then it would be ten or
|
||||
eleven at night and serial would put them to bed. only once in the time that
|
||||
serial had lived with them did they all go to sleep on their opwn. every
|
||||
other time serial would whack them with the big cast-iron p[an that they
|
||||
used for pillows. their beds were guitar strings weaved with poison ivy.
|
||||
so, they all have huge bumps on their heads.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
WHY I WROTE THIS:
|
||||
|
||||
1) have you ever had a creative burst? if you are stooping low enough to
|
||||
read this, prolly not.
|
||||
2) so that non-creative ppl like you would have somethng to do while
|
||||
not-creatting
|
||||
3) because i'm not creative either and had to prove it
|
||||
4) I was staring at the remote contrl to my cd player and had to write a
|
||||
story about it
|
||||
5) bob and suzy told me to (if you are stupid and don't know who bob and
|
||||
suzy are, then you do not deserve to know so I shall not tell you)
|
||||
6) here I am sitting home alone, with nothing to do
|
||||
7) what better way to waitst my time?
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #179 -- written by Aster -- 1/4/98 *
|
||||
555
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0180.txt
Normal file
555
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0180.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,555 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #180
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "I'm Complicated" <<
|
||||
by -> Lilnilhil
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
"Ut! Says I!"
|
||||
8/11
|
||||
(An intro, of sorts)
|
||||
|
||||
...so I'm sittin here on this plane right? And there's this guy in front of
|
||||
me with his son. And I'm lookin at the back of their heads. (Their heads
|
||||
being damn well near in my lap thanks to these stupid reclining chairs.) And
|
||||
this kid, this guy's son, he can't be older than 14. He looks like he's
|
||||
taller than me though, and the little bastard ought to start shaving too.
|
||||
Anyway I'm looking at these two. And I realize that I think I hate them.
|
||||
Maybe it's the way they talk to eachother. Maybe I'm jealous. That's
|
||||
probably it. Jealousy. These two are just so ..simple. You can tell just by
|
||||
looking at 'em that they've already got this kids whole life planned out.
|
||||
|
||||
He'll go to some prep school, be valedictorian or whateverthefuck. He'll be
|
||||
boosted into Harvard or M.I.T. ..daddy will foot the bill. Then of course
|
||||
he'll snap up 'Dream Job', earn his pension, pay his bills, scrub the grill,
|
||||
and fly home from his latest business trip to see his bag of food wife and
|
||||
his 2.5 kids.
|
||||
|
||||
Then one day he'll cross without looking and he'll be hit by a 3-ton bus.
|
||||
Ha!
|
||||
|
||||
..I dunno.. why am I talking about these assholes?
|
||||
Becuz they're simple. That's why. And dammit, I wanna be simple too.
|
||||
..But if course.. I'm complicated.
|
||||
|
||||
Sorry mom, but I don't have a job because I'm really too damn lazy to make a
|
||||
real effort to go get one. Sorry dad, I'm too little to be on the fuggin
|
||||
football team, and I don't want your 'family business'. Sorry lord, but I
|
||||
can't be worshipping some guy that I don't know is there just becuz the
|
||||
bible says it's my ass if I even think yer not there. What can I say? I
|
||||
don't like being threatened.
|
||||
|
||||
Sorry me, I've let you down time and time again. We both know that half the
|
||||
shit that happens to us is really our fault. And the rest is also our fault,
|
||||
just not directly. And I know I've realy fucked up a few times. And I know I
|
||||
should've paid more attention to some things and less to others. And i know
|
||||
i should've listened to you more.
|
||||
|
||||
Just shut up an listened.
|
||||
|
||||
And I know i've never, really cares.
|
||||
|
||||
But I'm trying.
|
||||
|
||||
I'm working my ass off on it. An i need your help.
|
||||
|
||||
o.k. me?
|
||||
|
||||
kewl, nice talkin' to myself.
|
||||
|
||||
-----------------------
|
||||
|
||||
"Crap: A Retrospective"
|
||||
9/4
|
||||
|
||||
Today was so wierd, god, holy moly, hot-damn, wierd. I wuz supposed to call
|
||||
Zoe last week on a thursday night, but my sister fugged that up for me. I
|
||||
tried callin' her 3 more times last week, couldn't get ahold of her. So i'm
|
||||
feelin' like shit an it's 2nd period, fuggin Spanish class. And I'm in
|
||||
bullshit-mode, just trying to survive another day. And this girl two seats
|
||||
away from me asks me what my name is. I tell her 'Danny' an she says; "I
|
||||
like you Danny."
|
||||
|
||||
An.. i had no response to that. She asked me what grade i was in an all, I'm
|
||||
older than her and i was still in bull-shit mode so i wasn't very talkative,
|
||||
neway she didn't say anythin' else after that. I think i'll talk to her tho.
|
||||
Tomarrow or whatever, i dunno.
|
||||
|
||||
Btw: A real quick thing about this journal: I'll either be reading this off
|
||||
to someone and then trashing it, or I'll just tear pages out now and then
|
||||
and burn them. Either way I'm not lettin' my mom see this and i could give a
|
||||
flying fuck about that whole 'when i die someone will read this and think
|
||||
'wow'! -thing. I mean for me this is all about self release. So that's why
|
||||
i'm not journaling everything, everyday, all the time. -No offense.
|
||||
|
||||
---------------------
|
||||
|
||||
"Fuck Your Arms Race"
|
||||
9/8
|
||||
|
||||
Zoe called the other night. I think she was on sometin and she told me to
|
||||
call her the next day. So i did around 7:30, no answer. I'll prolly call her
|
||||
today or somethin'. I dunno, i sent her the tape with the songs on it. I
|
||||
think it werkt out pretty well.
|
||||
|
||||
..Had a ver' ver' wierd dream the other night. There was this girl in it an
|
||||
she's just like this freak that goes to my school. And in my dream she was a
|
||||
witch. I'm gonna use the whole dream in a story I'm starting. So in other
|
||||
words, you don't get to see it yet.
|
||||
|
||||
"The more you shop the more you earn."-Some random day. they're all the
|
||||
same.
|
||||
|
||||
I'm at the mall right now. I've decided to ditch school tuday, it's like 9
|
||||
in the morning and I just noticed the wierdest thing. There's like 100+ old
|
||||
people walking around this mall. None of the stores open for another couple
|
||||
of hours and there's all these all these old freex just walking around. Some
|
||||
of em have headphones on .. I dunno, they must come here in the morning
|
||||
before all the goths, an g's, an druggies show up, ta get exercise er
|
||||
whatever. Holy shit florida sux.
|
||||
|
||||
I gotta get outta here.
|
||||
|
||||
-----------------------
|
||||
|
||||
-This was the intro to me first journal.
|
||||
|
||||
Alright, here I go. Never done this before but it seems like a good idea.
|
||||
Zoe says she keeps a journal, an if it helps her it can probobly help me
|
||||
'eh? I'm not sure what I'm gonna write about though. I mean I guess I'll
|
||||
just stick in here whatever iz on me mind. I dunno. I think I'll start off
|
||||
with this thing that happened to me a few weeks ago. It's rilly hard to talk
|
||||
about, but I'll see what I can do.
|
||||
|
||||
-just a normal day, I woke up an everything was like it was when I went to
|
||||
sleep. I had the same enemies, I had the same friends. An I guess that wuz
|
||||
part of the problem, the mundaneness of it all. Neway my mom started yelling
|
||||
at me around noon. She always does, but this time was different. She just
|
||||
wouldn't let up. She wanted to know why I was sleeping all the time and why
|
||||
I was so depressed. She asked me what was wrong with me.
|
||||
|
||||
What's wrong with me?
|
||||
|
||||
I never thought anything was wrong with me. I always thought everyone else
|
||||
was fugged up an I was pretty normal. But she planted this in my head.
|
||||
What's wrong with me? I couldn't take her shit nemore without putting my
|
||||
fist through a wall so I figured I'd get the hell outta there. I started
|
||||
walking, an at first I was gonna go to a friends house, but jesus. What
|
||||
friend could help me with this? So I went to this place where I go to think.
|
||||
It's these woods that has train trax running through it. I just sat there
|
||||
for hours, thinking about that question.
|
||||
|
||||
What's wrong with me?
|
||||
|
||||
It started to rain, but I couldn't move. I just sat there. What's wrong with
|
||||
me?
|
||||
|
||||
I started to wonder what I was doing there, in the rain, in the woods. An I
|
||||
realized.
|
||||
|
||||
I was waiting for my train.
|
||||
|
||||
It shocked the hell out of me that I would even think of doing something
|
||||
like that. But then it got dark from the storm an I started to wonder again.
|
||||
Would I do it? could i do it? I thought about it for i dunno how long. An I
|
||||
came to the conclusion that hell yes I would. The train comes at 5:30, it
|
||||
was about 5 then. I realized how little time left I had, how little anyone
|
||||
cared about anything, an how little i cared about everything. And I just
|
||||
started crying. For the end of my life I started crying.
|
||||
|
||||
For a way out. for the ending of the ending of it all.
|
||||
|
||||
With the rain coming down, I sat there on the tracks an bawled my eyes out.
|
||||
Something about the rain.. I dunno. Nobody can see your cryin when it's
|
||||
raining.
|
||||
|
||||
I didn't care anymore. I didn't care if some asshole thought I was a pussy.
|
||||
I didn't care if some prick was mad at me cuz I was gone. I didn't care
|
||||
about what would happen. and I didn't care what was wrong with me.
|
||||
|
||||
About a million emotions ran through my head in that half hour. I screamed
|
||||
as loud as I could, I threw rocks an broke things an went fuggin berserk.
|
||||
I cursed out the god they said put me here. The world that wants me as a
|
||||
scapegoat. That wants me to succeed, but only in what they need.
|
||||
|
||||
5:30 came around. no train.
|
||||
|
||||
What's wrong with me?
|
||||
|
||||
..so I walk home, beaten again.
|
||||
..Not today Danny
|
||||
...and probobly never.
|
||||
|
||||
Think I'll stop there for today.
|
||||
|
||||
-----------------------
|
||||
|
||||
-A small thing i did for ev.
|
||||
|
||||
One day evie got up an said
|
||||
'It's 3 am. An I'm not in bed."
|
||||
So she hopped on her pooter an thought with glee,
|
||||
I wonder if nihil's got sumpin fer me.
|
||||
She hit on the box, an up came the screen
|
||||
but the name lilnilhil, was nowhere to be seen.
|
||||
This rilly sucked, it sucked you see,
|
||||
cuz she had sent nihl sumpin, previously.
|
||||
And nihil promised to send sumpin back, he would,
|
||||
but lilnilhil, wasn't sure that he could.
|
||||
It's not that he was a dumbass, or a borderline crazy,
|
||||
and not even the fact that he's completely lazy.
|
||||
It's just that evie's lil sumpin was kewl as shit,
|
||||
an there was no way, that he could top it.
|
||||
He tried to plea, he tried to explain,
|
||||
he tried blaming it on his mom, (who's friggin insane.)
|
||||
But evie expected this, she understood.
|
||||
She knew nihl would send, like a good lub dub would.
|
||||
An so nihly realized, he was missing the point,
|
||||
..sorry, but the only word that ryhmes with that one is joint. :o)
|
||||
It didn't matter if he sent crap, that was rilly no good.
|
||||
All dat mattered is he tried, an did what he could.
|
||||
So evie me lub, this one's for you.
|
||||
i know it ain't much, but it's the best i could do.
|
||||
And as i sit here and type, i recollect.
|
||||
I think i'll put "ut.", for the subject.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------
|
||||
|
||||
-Lyrics to "Zoe"
|
||||
|
||||
She likes velvet, she doesn't like skin.
|
||||
When your head's full of endings, you forget how to begin.
|
||||
And she clears my mind, like a 44.
|
||||
Well this bloody mess is, a comin' back for more.
|
||||
And somewhere a candle is burnin in a window.
|
||||
I'm gonna get there, just gotta live a little longer Zoe.
|
||||
And somewhere an angel, cries into her pillow.
|
||||
An somethin inside me, says ta get up and go.
|
||||
The end of the road, is just a u-turn.
|
||||
Hey i don't care, and i'll never learn.
|
||||
|
||||
-----------------------
|
||||
|
||||
-Time 2 wake up it's 6 o'clock get ta skool boy
|
||||
|
||||
unpack n get crackn gotta earn it ya war toy.
|
||||
ropin the dope in and i cast my vote with a molotov
|
||||
heads up, another nuclear problem, solved.
|
||||
They give the order an they have their fun
|
||||
but we live in the lie, and we'll point the gun.
|
||||
Drop the bombs kill us all shit no ones payin' attention
|
||||
so c'mon let 'em fall if it'll end your recession.
|
||||
Behind your blind eyes the winter soldier returns
|
||||
the ak recoil pops him as your dollar bills burn.
|
||||
|
||||
-----------------------
|
||||
|
||||
-Communism, why the hell not?
|
||||
|
||||
I've noticed a little something about the rich folks in america these days.
|
||||
It's like they all need to be victims. They all want to be car-jacked at gun
|
||||
point in a 'bad neighborhood' by a black man named Joe who's had half of his
|
||||
teeth knocked out by a Boston cop in '74. They want to ride in the ambulance
|
||||
and be checked out at the ER because Joe might've pushed 'em a little to
|
||||
rough while they were taking their sweet ass time getting the fug outta the
|
||||
car. Then they want the whole thing blasted across the news at prime time,
|
||||
they wanna see themselves cry on camera, they want to tell the whole story
|
||||
at dinner parties year in year out, they wanna see Joe stripped, strangled,
|
||||
mangled, and buried. And then they want you to give a shit.
|
||||
Well i don't give a shit. And i hope to god you don't.
|
||||
|
||||
-----------------------
|
||||
|
||||
A state of the mind.
|
||||
|
||||
So this is my novel, so this is my life. All actors in the theater of
|
||||
reality. For what is reality but the manmande aspect of time, all
|
||||
nonexistent yet so obviously real.
|
||||
|
||||
Existentialism, the elite, the rebel, the cause in general, all of these are
|
||||
simply put, fiction. Nobody is real. Call it a bad thing. But it's oh so
|
||||
true. We're all a facad, a journey to something we can't even see. Fuck the
|
||||
light, where's the tunnel?
|
||||
|
||||
So maybe everyone's a goner right? Maybe I'm the only real one and your
|
||||
bangin away at me just for kicks. Well y'know, that's one sick way of
|
||||
lookin' at things, on your behalf and mine. I have what you may call angst.
|
||||
But it's funny you've got a word for something i yearn to be so specific, so
|
||||
mine, so original, so me.
|
||||
|
||||
So me, myself, and I, we'll rebel, sure, what the fuck. Right? We'll all
|
||||
break conformity together, therefore makin' our own scene, our own little
|
||||
tale. And that will be existence. That will be my death. Just a short
|
||||
pointless venture into the nominally mad.
|
||||
|
||||
Born at Mercy Hospital, Baltimore Maryland, January 24th, 1981, at 1:00 in
|
||||
the morning. My mom had only been in labor for about an hour and a half, she
|
||||
always says i was "eager to get out of there". But immediately after i was
|
||||
born i was rushed into the next room, apparently the placenta cord had
|
||||
somehow wrapped itself around my neck and I wasn't breathing. To make
|
||||
matters worse there is usually (the exception being in the case of a
|
||||
C-section) a period in labor called the afterbirth when the lining that the
|
||||
baby was created in also comes out. Well, suprise, suprise, I came out still
|
||||
inside that little bag. I brought me 'lil shack out into the world with me.
|
||||
|
||||
I was then taken to Johns Hopkins hospital, notorious worldwide as arguably
|
||||
the very best hospital in the world. Wherein i proceeded to scare the hell
|
||||
out of my parents when for about two weeks i "shit blood". Happy birthday
|
||||
Dan.
|
||||
|
||||
I was named Gary, after my father, a shitty deal indeed. Middle name was
|
||||
Daniel, after the bible sotry of Daniel in the lions' den. (there's me mum
|
||||
for you.)
|
||||
|
||||
Last name, Robinson.
|
||||
|
||||
Over the next few years I guess I survived pretty much like any other kid.
|
||||
We all moved down to Florida so my dad could have a better job. Life had
|
||||
it's ups and downs, I cracked my head open 4 times being the little rumbler
|
||||
i was, it earned me a pair of glasses. I was sortof a quiet kid. Did what i
|
||||
was told, did what everyone else did. When i was 7 or 8 my christian-private
|
||||
school kindergarten teacher tried to have me held back because she didn't
|
||||
think i could read and write well enuf for first grade.
|
||||
|
||||
..My parents had me put in public school the next year.
|
||||
|
||||
Around that time me two idiot parents decided it was time they got a
|
||||
divorce, mom got custody of the kids, dad got remarried.
|
||||
|
||||
My two sisters always did a good job of keeping me in my place, as they
|
||||
still do. Jenny, who is now 22, suffered from a multitude of illnesses, both
|
||||
mental and physical. But now has them mainly under control. Jessica, or
|
||||
"keka", as i dubbed her when i was first learning to talk, is a year younger
|
||||
than me. And the baby of the family, other milestones and points of interest
|
||||
are soon to follow. And i wrote this sentence to take up space.
|
||||
|
||||
1993- House destroyed by tornado. My room hit worst, relocated then from
|
||||
Pinellass Park Fl, to Safety Harbor Florida. Where I reside to this
|
||||
day.
|
||||
|
||||
1995- Expelled from high school in my freshman year. Allegedly for
|
||||
"distributing hate material". Fact is, I was writing a zine with me
|
||||
pal Jason and we brought it to school one day to show to a few
|
||||
friends. Turns out I slipped in a 'racial slur' somewhere's among an
|
||||
article where i was listing just about every bad word i knew.
|
||||
Instantly I'm a rascist, a pervert, and a fuckup. Amen. Praise Jesus.
|
||||
|
||||
1997- I meet a girl named Zoe.
|
||||
|
||||
-Later that year- I literally try to meet Zoe. But i think we'll go into
|
||||
that some other time.
|
||||
|
||||
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
|
||||
What i use to think was me now just a fading memory.
|
||||
I looked her right in the eye, and said goodbye.
|
||||
Cuz i was up above it. Now I'm down in it.
|
||||
Do your work/Go to school
|
||||
Scream! Die! Live! Die!
|
||||
Live! Die! Lie! Lie! Lie!
|
||||
Live by the lie so you can die in your mind. Fight for your mother fuckin'
|
||||
right to party. I'm a commie, your a commie, wouldn't ya like to be a commie
|
||||
too? ....Do i make any fucking sense whatsoever?
|
||||
|
||||
His hair blew in the wind, mimicking the spark of his zippo, But his fiery
|
||||
mane failed to hide the lines in his face as he lowered his glasses and gave
|
||||
it all away.
|
||||
|
||||
Let us begin.
|
||||
|
||||
Where am i? Right. Madness.
|
||||
|
||||
Man, the Marlboro man, that's gay. And not even gay in that trendy, slap yo
|
||||
mama's church lady smirk right the fuck offa her smug lil face and drop her
|
||||
into cyco gear. YEEHA! ..way.
|
||||
|
||||
Just gay. Not to offend NE-1. oi.
|
||||
|
||||
Peace man, just chill for a second.
|
||||
|
||||
Ten times a cigarette equals everything you ever thought was true is now
|
||||
false, bullshit.
|
||||
|
||||
But some have an affliction towards the bullshit or it gives them a gnarly
|
||||
rash (teh...."gnarly") anyway... I was saying?
|
||||
|
||||
Bah, fug it.
|
||||
|
||||
Break all your rules, live like there's no fugging tomarrow, and search for
|
||||
that one thing that makes you happy. Life is one huge mother of a bitch.
|
||||
Thank your lucky stars though, 'cuz it's all only temporary.
|
||||
Today I realized that i have no enemies. Zero, that magic number poppin' up
|
||||
again. I was walkin' into the store when i saw this kid.. was sure i
|
||||
recognized him from somewhere. He asked me;
|
||||
|
||||
"Hey man, got a light?" a light. Course I got a light, I dug into my pocket
|
||||
for my 'commie' Zippo and I asked him;
|
||||
|
||||
"Didn't you hit me in the face once?" He looked up at me as he sparked up
|
||||
his Newport.
|
||||
|
||||
"ummm... no-"
|
||||
|
||||
"Yeah. I had glasses. 'member?"
|
||||
|
||||
He gets the cigarette lit, looks over to see if his friend is almost out of
|
||||
the store. Then he hands me my lighter back. He shakes my hand and says; "My
|
||||
bad, sorry."
|
||||
|
||||
For a split second it rushes into my mind. The scene completely mapped out.
|
||||
I've got his hand in my left, a steel Zippo in my right. I'd deck the
|
||||
bastard, so damn hard he'd never know what hit him. Knock that shit menthol
|
||||
right the hell outta his mouth.
|
||||
|
||||
But i didn't. I let his hand go, put me Zippo away, and told him as i blew a
|
||||
puff of smoke in his eyes;
|
||||
|
||||
"No problem... I probably would've done the same thing." Yeah, the fuck i
|
||||
would've. So there's that lucky number ...that lucky smoke.
|
||||
|
||||
And maybe it's a good thing, i dunno. To have no enemies. They always kept
|
||||
you in your place though, enforced your boundaries for you. Insulted you and
|
||||
filled you in on your faults.
|
||||
|
||||
But shit, isn't that what friends are for?
|
||||
|
||||
He would've known EXACTLY what hit him.
|
||||
|
||||
I even had the line set:
|
||||
|
||||
"Next time try hittin' me when I'm lookin' ...mother-fucker."
|
||||
|
||||
Walked up to the busstop this mornin' and suprised the hell out of myself.
|
||||
|
||||
These two girls were standin' there talkin, just like every day, 'cept i
|
||||
don't really have a clue about who they are, and I've never uttered a single
|
||||
word to either of 'em. So anyway I walk up to the prettier one who's puttin
|
||||
on the make up and say "Hullo.", ask her name, shake her hand, and tell her
|
||||
I'm Danny. She's Michelle or some shit, hell if I remember. Shook her
|
||||
friends hand, she said she was Taylor. Then i told them "Yeah, we never talk
|
||||
and shit, sorry." And I laughed and they gave me the expected look.
|
||||
|
||||
Left them there, befuddled beyond words. But they recovered and were talkin'
|
||||
about which guy they suddenly realized they "loved" that morning a few
|
||||
minutes later. So no harm done, 'eh? They probably think I'm crazy, but
|
||||
y'know what?
|
||||
|
||||
So do I.
|
||||
|
||||
And i couldn't give a fuck if you paid me to.
|
||||
|
||||
A head full of fascism
|
||||
Anarchy on the brain
|
||||
Mass rumination
|
||||
Finally I'm insane
|
||||
Weapons now deployed
|
||||
Sickness I enjoyed
|
||||
Nothing fills the void
|
||||
Body now destroyed
|
||||
|
||||
Take the cliche
|
||||
into your hands
|
||||
smash it
|
||||
against the brick wall.
|
||||
And watch as it shatters.
|
||||
Into a billion pieces
|
||||
of unbelievable
|
||||
stupidity.
|
||||
|
||||
A novelist.
|
||||
It's all a simple blur
|
||||
scribbled thoughts on notes of pain
|
||||
Random rants of radical
|
||||
explatives meant to shock
|
||||
and annihilate.
|
||||
Or maybe perhaps, just to entertain,
|
||||
Hardly legible,
|
||||
barely intelligent.
|
||||
Yet so completely beligerent
|
||||
all in it's ego of angst.
|
||||
Hide that smirk boy,
|
||||
you'll give it all away.
|
||||
So sparks and pens and papers flare,
|
||||
A strong word here, a weak one there.
|
||||
Nare a way to now escape,
|
||||
tiz your demon now,
|
||||
perchance to sleep.
|
||||
....or love. So, both.
|
||||
|
||||
High speed death.
|
||||
|
||||
World has no clue.
|
||||
|
||||
"World spreds it's wings for another star."
|
||||
|
||||
The meaning of life? Heh, it's simple. It's whatever you make of it. If you
|
||||
decide your purpose os to kill everything you come across, then that in
|
||||
itself is the meaning. Boring as it is. Boring as you made it.
|
||||
|
||||
"It's a good thing i didn't realize I was dead, I may have mourned my loss
|
||||
of life."
|
||||
|
||||
We'll all be great, beautiful, wonderful people. One day when the sun comes
|
||||
up, and dries up all the rain, the world is what it thinks of us, and so am
|
||||
I. Kill yourself?
|
||||
|
||||
For business, for pleasure.
|
||||
for the sheer goddamn fun of it.
|
||||
End. Your. Life. Die.
|
||||
|
||||
"Well, I say to live it out like a god. Sure of immortal life, though you
|
||||
are in doubt, is the way to live it. If that doesn't make god proud of you,
|
||||
then god is nothing but gravitation, or sleep is the golden goal."
|
||||
-Edgar Lee Masters
|
||||
|
||||
Brain-read, Mind-pee.
|
||||
|
||||
...It's 3 in the morning. Your in a room only lit by a blacklight and the
|
||||
brilliant streams of yellow that occaisionaly sneak in through the shades
|
||||
whenever a car roars by. You check your vitals and figure out who you are
|
||||
all over again. Your 16, your name is Danny, you live with your mom. Nine
|
||||
Inch Nails slowly swamps the room with an ominous glow, as if to symbolize
|
||||
the sound, the fury, and the pain.
|
||||
|
||||
Check the mirror and your pupils aren't yet back to normal, so you take note
|
||||
to disregard almost everything you think until you come back down.
|
||||
Piss is green, you shrug it off. Could've been purple.
|
||||
|
||||
It's always funny when you trip like this, you never hallucinate, you never
|
||||
miss a beat. For all intents your virtually normal, until it hits you.
|
||||
Square in the face, or from the back door, usually sneaking in where you
|
||||
least expect it, and then telling you your just fine before you get a chance
|
||||
to realize. A flood of paranoia and then a storm of static in your eyes, But
|
||||
it's ok, cuz your thinking, your enjoying this. Thinking is what you do. And
|
||||
your the best at it.
|
||||
|
||||
"Had enough?"
|
||||
|
||||
And he screamed with a spit through the steal and the bone and the tears,
|
||||
|
||||
"Fuck no bitch. Gimme more."
|
||||
|
||||
Grey Matters/Last Shot
|
||||
Whatever happened to ephus?
|
||||
|
||||
He was alright for awhile, lived in the band room he did.
|
||||
|
||||
Never a frown on his face. Sometimes if we got bored we'd pick Ephus up and
|
||||
throw him around the room, Mrs. Blevins never really liked that. I guess she
|
||||
thought Ephus was a trouble maker because one day Ephus didn't show up in
|
||||
the band room and he was no where to be found. It turned out that Mrs.
|
||||
Blevins locked Ephus up in a cabinet and nobody ever saw him again.
|
||||
|
||||
And that was the end of Ephus.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #180 -- written by Lilnilhil -- 1/4/98 *
|
||||
111
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0181.txt
Normal file
111
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0181.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,111 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #181
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "There Was A Girl" <<
|
||||
by -> Neko
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
It was an overcast gray day when it all ended. As cliche as it
|
||||
sounds, it's true. (By the way, everything is a cliche, and good luck
|
||||
finding some emotion, some phrase that isn't based on something else -- but
|
||||
that's another column).
|
||||
|
||||
I was at the mall, of all places. The last time I was at the mall was
|
||||
six months before this. That time I had gone for one reason: to see her.
|
||||
|
||||
Girls. One girl. It always boils down to one, doesn't it? You meet
|
||||
someone, you think you hit it off, things don't work out how you expect, but
|
||||
you think you're friends, right? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I wish our
|
||||
world was open enough to just be able to walk up to someone and say, "Hi,
|
||||
let's _do_ something," and if they don't want to, they'd be cool enough to
|
||||
tell you and things could still work out and everyone would be happy. I wish
|
||||
I was open enough to do that.
|
||||
|
||||
Anyway, there was a girl. Well, she's not dead, so I suppose there IS
|
||||
a girl. In any case, we're talking about a girl. I've known her for a long
|
||||
time, but it wasn't until about two years ago that I got to talking to her.
|
||||
I thought we connected - I talked to her about anything and everything and
|
||||
the simple fact that she existed with an open ear helped me out a lot.
|
||||
|
||||
Something I've recently come to realize, though, is how little I know
|
||||
about her. For all the effort I put into things, there was none coming back.
|
||||
I know her name, her birthday, and where she goes to school. Maybe a little
|
||||
bit more.
|
||||
|
||||
I wonder why she never felt comfortable opening up to me. Maybe I was
|
||||
just too incessant. I don't know. Maybe I didn't handle my side correctly.
|
||||
Whatever. It doesn't matter.
|
||||
|
||||
That summer, I wanted more than anything to simply get together and
|
||||
do things. She worked, and was hard to get a hold of during the day -- I can
|
||||
understand that. I left messages, emails, even resorted to sending letters,
|
||||
but to no avail. I can't recall one time when she's actually returned a call
|
||||
of mine, much less initiated one. She says she's bad about email, but she
|
||||
rarely returned them and never initiated them.
|
||||
|
||||
That was all okay. I was riding high on hope -- she had said things
|
||||
that maybe I misinterpreted, I don't know, but I thought there was a higher
|
||||
connection than saying hi at school.
|
||||
|
||||
Then I left for a year. When I left, I was highly disillusioned with
|
||||
everyone I called 'friend'. I viewed my year abroad not only as a test for
|
||||
me, but as a test for my _friends_. Who would prove to be a _true friend_? I
|
||||
expected a letter from her. I waited. Waited. Waited. Finally I gave up and
|
||||
relegated myself to looking longingly at her picture every once in a while.
|
||||
Showing her picture to my friends and family in Russia I was often asked if
|
||||
she was my girlfriend. "No," I would answer, always with hope inside that
|
||||
someday...
|
||||
|
||||
Once I got email access in Russia I figured it would be easier to
|
||||
communicate. I'd email her, and my other friends, about once a week or so. I
|
||||
rarely got messages back. When I did they usually ended with her talking
|
||||
about how much of a hurry she is in and how she has to go. But it was okay.
|
||||
It made me happy just to get mail from her.
|
||||
|
||||
I came home in June. I've seen her three times since then. She came
|
||||
to my homecoming party, I drove out to the mall once just to say 'hi' to her
|
||||
(and received a promise that she would call -- I don't know how late I
|
||||
stayed up that night waiting..always waiting), and I went to her graduation
|
||||
/ going-away party (which, I must give credit, I did receive an invitation
|
||||
for).
|
||||
|
||||
She's at college now. Having a good time, I would presume, as I
|
||||
haven't heard anything to the contrary. I rarely hear from her, and when I
|
||||
do it's only because I've written. I wrote her and told her about my
|
||||
feelings and basically explained exactly what I've written above, with the
|
||||
underlining question, "why?" I never got a good explanation from her, but
|
||||
then again, she never was one for writing. At least not for writing me.
|
||||
|
||||
Cut to Thanksgiving. I call her and she's around. We talk for awhile.
|
||||
She says she's only home for a couple days and can't meet with me but we'll
|
||||
definitely do something over Christmas vacation.
|
||||
|
||||
A little bit later: I get an email saying when she'll be home and
|
||||
that she'll call me that night. The night she was home was December 13th.
|
||||
It's been nearly a month -- no call.
|
||||
|
||||
So, like I started off the column, I went to the mall today. This
|
||||
time I went to exchange something, but since she works at the mall I thought
|
||||
maybe I'd walk by and see if she was there.
|
||||
|
||||
She was.
|
||||
|
||||
I kept walking. My eyes began to water.
|
||||
|
||||
I left, got in my car and drove away, listening to the melodically
|
||||
depressing sounds of Hum.
|
||||
|
||||
This time is the end for real.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #181 -- written by Neko -- 1/13/98 *
|
||||
98
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0182.txt
Normal file
98
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0182.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,98 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #182
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "The Continued Storys of Le and Kurt" <<
|
||||
by -> Aster
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
le and kurt had been best friends for a very long time. they
|
||||
understood each other. they thought themselves higher than the other as
|
||||
well. this is what caused their latest argument. they both wore green pants,
|
||||
yellow shrits, and bright orange socks to the nail factory evewry morning.
|
||||
one day le decided he would where green socks instead, so he stayed up all
|
||||
night (despite serial's cast iron pot) making green socks out of kurt's
|
||||
pants. in the morning kurt did not notice and went to work with no pants on.
|
||||
half-way throught the day he reallized that le's socks were nbot blinding
|
||||
him like they usually did, and then realized he had no pants. he was very
|
||||
mad.
|
||||
|
||||
"DUSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!
|
||||
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
|
||||
|
||||
"no!" le screamed.
|
||||
|
||||
"window dust!!!!!!!!!!"
|
||||
|
||||
"off!"
|
||||
|
||||
"beeeeeeeeeeeer dust!!!"
|
||||
|
||||
"yes!"
|
||||
|
||||
"beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
|
||||
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
|
||||
eeeeeeeeeeeeeer!"
|
||||
|
||||
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
|
||||
|
||||
eventually they got so loud that the manager threw them, and their
|
||||
roommate, remote out. they were fired. so they went home. le gave back the
|
||||
pants, and kurt tried to put them on but the would not get past his knees.
|
||||
so they instantly forgot about the whople thing when serial booped em on the
|
||||
heads with the cast iron pot. from that day on kurts pant6s never fit, and
|
||||
le got more blinded because more of kurts socks showed.
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
MORAL(s):
|
||||
|
||||
1) live by yourself.
|
||||
|
||||
2) don't wear clothes you non-existent roommate would want
|
||||
|
||||
3) don't read stupid things like this
|
||||
|
||||
4) be more creative
|
||||
|
||||
5) GET OFF YOUR ASS
|
||||
|
||||
6) DO SOMETHING DAMMIT
|
||||
|
||||
7) DON"T SIT THERE UN YOUR FAT ASS ALL DAY READING STUPID MIXED UP STUPID
|
||||
STORIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
||||
|
||||
8) okay. I will say it one more time, do something.
|
||||
|
||||
I have one more thing to say, before you get off your ass and do
|
||||
something. serial does not take any responsibility for being so irresistible
|
||||
that ppl start whacking ppl on the head with cast iron pots, because they
|
||||
want to be like himn and then get arrested.
|
||||
|
||||
okay, I am done now.
|
||||
|
||||
do something.
|
||||
|
||||
do something.
|
||||
|
||||
do something.
|
||||
|
||||
do something.
|
||||
|
||||
do something.
|
||||
|
||||
do something.
|
||||
|
||||
do something.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #182 -- written by Aster -- 1/13/98 *
|
||||
52
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0183.txt
Normal file
52
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0183.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,52 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #183
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Why Drugs Are Queer" <<
|
||||
by -> Kraftwerk
|
||||
(The Sandley Family Special -- Part 1!)
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
drugs are queer for many reasons. i will attempt to list some here.
|
||||
|
||||
The first and foremost is addiction. some people may claim that pot
|
||||
is not addictive, or that they're not. this is incorrect.
|
||||
|
||||
in my experience, if you tell someone they're addicted, they will
|
||||
absolutely deny it. after this, i usually ask them why they smoke or snort
|
||||
or shoot their shit or whatever the fuck it's called, and they reply one of
|
||||
3 ways. the one i hear the most is "it helps me relax." if not that, i
|
||||
hear either "because it trips me out" or "it has herbal properties that are
|
||||
good for the body and soul." i proceed to accuse them again of being an
|
||||
addict, but they still deny it. From this point, i ask them why they won't
|
||||
stop. I have never gotten an excuse besides "because i want to."
|
||||
|
||||
isn't this some form of addiction in itself? i think so. if they
|
||||
aren't actually physically drawn to it every day, isn't "because i want to"
|
||||
just another way that their addiction is portrayed, if more subtle and less
|
||||
apparent?
|
||||
|
||||
there are so many reasons _never_ to touch drugs that i cant begin to
|
||||
list them all. but i will attempt a few.
|
||||
|
||||
money -- too goddamn fucking expensive. why waste your money on drugs
|
||||
when you can buy me cool stuff for less?
|
||||
|
||||
idiocy -- not naming any names, but a certain someone will say that
|
||||
drugs not only help you, they make you SMARTER. (if this is so, if i o.d.,
|
||||
will i become a fucking genius?).
|
||||
|
||||
i have to stop writing this now, mogel. dylans copping a feel on
|
||||
laura.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #183 -- written by Kraftwerk -- 1/13/98 *
|
||||
50
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0184.txt
Normal file
50
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0184.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,50 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #184
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "My Stupid h0e" <<
|
||||
by -> Plexus
|
||||
(The Sandley Family Special -- Part 2!)
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
i'm sitting here, with a huge headache from hours of staring at my
|
||||
computer screen researching a person who lived 400 years ago, sipping
|
||||
"super ceylon tea". the word "ceylon" reminds me of others such as "halcyon"
|
||||
and "cerulean". It's a pity that our entire language isn't comprised of such
|
||||
nice words. everything would flow more, and maybe we wouldn't live in a
|
||||
world that is being replaced with blacktop, buildings, and factories. How
|
||||
nice it would be if everything was as it was before people started changing
|
||||
it all. looking out in my yard, i see a grove of oak trees. past that, a
|
||||
field barren with winter. although i'd rather see that land as a field than
|
||||
a subdivision, it makes me sad to think that the fields were once forests.
|
||||
sigh. people are always taking away from nature and adding their own things.
|
||||
so little flow. people hurry hurry hurry to make themselves happier and
|
||||
things more convenient, while they would be much happier if they just sat
|
||||
still and stopped worrying about things. I don't know what it is about me,
|
||||
but i would be perfectly content to spend my days sitting by a river on a
|
||||
grassy bank in the shade of an oak tree, watching the clouds and listening
|
||||
to the birds and everything else. Is it impossible, though? of course not...
|
||||
but for the rest of the world?
|
||||
|
||||
unless something drastic happens, yeah. i just want peace,
|
||||
tranquility, and halcyon days. days without worry and days without hurry.
|
||||
people think they own the world, that something gave them the right to
|
||||
disregard it as they go about playing with their manmade things,
|
||||
disregarding it so completely that they don't realize that they're
|
||||
destroying it.
|
||||
|
||||
note: i wouldn't have this printed anywhere but h0e, and resisted all
|
||||
urges to edit or refine it, though it now sounds immature and sappy. oh
|
||||
well. maybe *now* you'll get off my back about writing for hoe, eh? :)
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #184 -- written by Plexus -- 1/13/98 *
|
||||
55
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0185.txt
Normal file
55
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0185.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,55 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #185
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "A Super Cool Way to Kill Yourself" <<
|
||||
by -> Sighrik
|
||||
(The Sandley Family Special -- Part 3!)
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
Okay... so there you are, wallowing in your puddle of angst -- and
|
||||
you're tired of it. I've got good news for you though -- there's finally a
|
||||
way out.
|
||||
|
||||
I was talking to a biology-minded friend the other night, and, during
|
||||
the course of the conversation, it was revealed to me that there are blood
|
||||
vessels (arteries & veins!@!) in the tongue.
|
||||
|
||||
What does this have to do with you? Here's what you can do: Go kill
|
||||
yourself.
|
||||
|
||||
You'll need:
|
||||
|
||||
(a) your tongue.
|
||||
(b) a drinking fountain.
|
||||
(c) a sharp knife.
|
||||
|
||||
That's it. Ready?
|
||||
|
||||
Go to the drinking fountain. Pretend that you're getting a drink of
|
||||
water, that way no one will realize that you're going to kill yourself.
|
||||
Now, and this is the important part, cut your tongue off with the sharp
|
||||
knife.
|
||||
|
||||
ANOTHER VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: Make sure you keep the bloody stump
|
||||
continuously immersed under water -- if you don't, it will start to clot,
|
||||
and you won't die.
|
||||
|
||||
Remember, don't be obvious. If someone guesses you're trying to kill
|
||||
yourself, they might try to stop you. That isn't what we want.
|
||||
|
||||
And, just in case you can't pull it off, don't let it get you down.
|
||||
Something good did come out of it: we can't listen to your damn fool
|
||||
angst-ridden complaining anymore, you stupid fucking tongueless dipshit.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #185 -- written by Sighrik -- 1/13/98 *
|
||||
44
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0186.txt
Normal file
44
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0186.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,44 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #186
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Friends" <<
|
||||
by -> Aster
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
once apon a time there was a boy named tom. he had a friend named
|
||||
joe. joe and tom were good friends. but they were not allways friends. a
|
||||
long time ago they were not friends. they were enimies. buit then they
|
||||
becames friends again. soon they will die but that is a long time away tom
|
||||
and joe met a boy named jake one day. jake was soon their friend. a few
|
||||
years later jake went away. when he came back joe and tom were old men in an
|
||||
old foggie home. but jake was still ten. he cried himself to sleep for 5
|
||||
days before he stoped. he stoped becasue he turned eleven and big eleven
|
||||
year olds don't cry. but he was still said. his other friends, danny and ben
|
||||
were also old men in the old foggie home. one night he wished apon a star
|
||||
that he was an old man in an old foggie home. the next day he was an old man
|
||||
in an old foggie home, but when he went to see his friends he found a pile
|
||||
of bones. he was very sad and cried himself to sleep for 5 days before he
|
||||
stoped. he stoped becasue he turned 99 and big 99 year olds don't cry. one
|
||||
night he wished he could be a pile of bones. when he woke up he was a pile
|
||||
of bones. bgut he friends were little boys again. he was very sad. he cries
|
||||
himself to sleep for the rest of time. but then he stopped cause he realized
|
||||
that bnones don';t cry. then one night he wished he could be a little boy
|
||||
again. the next mourning he woke up and he was. he went to the playground
|
||||
and played with joe and tom and danny and ben for a long time. then one day
|
||||
they wished they could be bones and they all were. and thjey all lived
|
||||
happily ever after.
|
||||
|
||||
THE END.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #186 -- written by Aster -- 1/19/98 *
|
||||
411
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0187.txt
Normal file
411
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0187.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,411 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #187
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "Homosexuality Unleashed" <<
|
||||
by -> Ilsundal
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
it was a late late friday night, and i made it my mission to track
|
||||
down this evil irc spammer many of you know as 'smokee' who advertises the
|
||||
web site http://www.jerky.net/~smokee on EVERY visable EfNet channel on IRC
|
||||
at a minimum of two spams per day. for the past two weeks, i would get
|
||||
topic changed on channels, and annoying private/public messages, i could
|
||||
stand NO MORE! here's a status report on my efforts on this matter:
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
01:19 pm - 01/15/98
|
||||
|
||||
[aquired from fyrefaery, bot of #alfheim.]
|
||||
|
||||
Stacey18 (stacey@ifu.ifu.net) joined #alfheim.
|
||||
<Stacey18> Goto http://www.jerky.net/~smokee for 100% free porn! Check it
|
||||
out!!
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
01:47 am - 01/16/98
|
||||
|
||||
[aquired from fyrefaery, bot of #alfheim.]
|
||||
|
||||
Jane17 (stacey@ifu.ifu.net) joined #alfheim.
|
||||
<Jane17> Goto http://www.jerky.net/~smokee for 100% free porn! Check it
|
||||
out!!
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
04:04 am - 01/16/98
|
||||
|
||||
[aquired from fyrefaery, bot of #alfheim.]
|
||||
|
||||
sexme- (freesex@disgust.madness.org) joined #alfheim.
|
||||
<sexme-> Goto http://www.jerky.net/~smokee for 100% free porn! Check it
|
||||
out!!
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
03:59 pm - 01/16/98
|
||||
|
||||
[aquired from fyrefaery, bot of #alfheim.]
|
||||
|
||||
bj-^ (freesex@alpha3.iso.port.ac.uk) joined #alfheim.
|
||||
<bj-^> Goto http://www.jerky.net/~smokee for 100% free porn! Check it
|
||||
out!!
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
12:56 am - 01/17/98
|
||||
|
||||
[aquired firsthand from bitchx irc client.]
|
||||
|
||||
*** sexmenow- [h-kashi@mars.st.rim.or.jp] has joined #se2600
|
||||
(sexmenow-/#se2600) Goto http://www.jerky.net/~smokee for 100% free porn!
|
||||
Check it out!!
|
||||
|
||||
[mars.st.rim.or.jp]
|
||||
Login Name TTY Idle When Where
|
||||
kaga Makoto Kaga p0 17 Sat 15:47 iascii03.uz.asci
|
||||
rabbit nyan nyan p1 10 Sat 14:37 max4-14.stc.net
|
||||
kentaro Kentaro Yokogoshi p3 4 Sat 16:00 ppp414.st.rim.or
|
||||
h-kashi Kashiwaya Hidetoshi p4 11 Sat 14:39 slip166-72-215-5
|
||||
tamaki Imakawa Tamaki p5 15 Sat 14:57 mercury
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
06:13 am - 01/17/98
|
||||
|
||||
[aquired firsthand from bitchx irc client.]
|
||||
|
||||
*** suckmenow [~freesex@main.tqgnet.com] has joined #se2600
|
||||
(suckmenow) Goto http://www.jerky.net/~smokee for 100% free porn! Check it
|
||||
out!!
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
piecing all of this data together, i've discovered that this person
|
||||
is using various 'hacked' shell accounts to advertise this 'free' porn site
|
||||
to _ALL_ of EfNet. this evil irc spammer uses ibm.net as his internet
|
||||
service provider, and is infact using windows to connect to the information
|
||||
super highway. if you would like details on how i came to these conlusions,
|
||||
or if you by any chance would like aid in the capture of this evil irc
|
||||
spammer, feel free to email mail via ilsundal@alfheim.net.
|
||||
|
||||
(offer expires 02/31/98).
|
||||
|
||||
considering that the last spam was all that i was probably going to
|
||||
see for the night, i decided to follow him from channel to channel, and
|
||||
hopefully aquire some assistance from some of his other "fans."
|
||||
|
||||
after about fifty channels of following, most of which were dead, and
|
||||
many which were explicit sex channels, and with the nick 'ninjaboy' i
|
||||
received a DCC Chat request, so, out of boredom, i accepted it.
|
||||
|
||||
the following conversation may be dubbed quite offensive to some,
|
||||
reader discretion is advised:
|
||||
|
||||
+---[/]------------ - -- ------+
|
||||
|
||||
*BashBoy* Hi
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* yo.
|
||||
*BashBoy* How old r u?
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* 14, u?
|
||||
*BashBoy* 14
|
||||
*BashBoy* Are u gay?
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* no, are you?
|
||||
*Bashboy* NO WAY!!
|
||||
*Bashboy* do you jerk off?
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* of course, who doesn't?
|
||||
*Bashboy* I dont
|
||||
*Bashboy* I only did once incidentally
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* don't you mean accidentally?
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* how can you masterbate accidentally?
|
||||
*Bashboy* I rubbed it and sperm came out
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* and you can honostly say you did not enjoy the way this felt?
|
||||
*Bashboy* I did enjoy it
|
||||
*Bashboy* I just dont like it
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* that makes like ZERO sense. :)
|
||||
*Bashboy* Hm...
|
||||
*Bashboy* U got a pic?
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* yes, do you?
|
||||
*Bashboy* Nope
|
||||
*Bashboy* can u send me your pic?
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* sure, one sec.
|
||||
|
||||
[ now realistically, i wasn't going to send him *MY* picture, so i
|
||||
went into my modem_geeks archive to find something fast! jubjub's (THE
|
||||
OFFICIAL H0E SPOKESMAN!) picture was perfect for the job! ]
|
||||
|
||||
*Bashboy* Okay
|
||||
*Bashboy* Okay??
|
||||
*Bashboy* Quick!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Okay
|
||||
*Bashboy* Received!->
|
||||
*Bashboy* I thought naked!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* why would you want a naked pic?
|
||||
*Bashboy* Nothing
|
||||
*Bashboy* Most pple send naked!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* i've got one, but why would *you* want it? :)
|
||||
*Bashboy* Nothing
|
||||
*Bashboy* Just send it!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* heh, seriously, if you're *not* gay, why would you want naked
|
||||
pictures of other doods?
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* hello?
|
||||
*Bashboy* Hm..
|
||||
*Bashboy* Nothing
|
||||
*Bashboy* Just send it!
|
||||
*Bashboy* For collection!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* why would you want to collect pictures of naked guys? :)
|
||||
*Bashboy* Hm...
|
||||
*Bashboy* Can u send it?
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* maybe if you give me a straight answer first. :)
|
||||
*Bashboy* Nothing
|
||||
*Bashboy* RReally!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* you can tell me!
|
||||
*Bashboy* No other intention!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Really!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Trust me!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* i don't need anyone or anything, but i love everyone and
|
||||
everything! :) so tell me.
|
||||
*Bashboy* Really
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* yup!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* c'mon, just tell me the truth. :)
|
||||
*Bashboy* Really nothing!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* yeah yeah.
|
||||
*Bashboy* I see how u look when u r naked!
|
||||
*Bashboy* An appreciater of art!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* but my question is 'why' do you want to see how i look naked?
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* all you've got to say is, "hey, i'm attracted to other guys..."
|
||||
and i'll understand. :)
|
||||
*Bashboy* Nope!!!!!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Absoultly not!!!!!!!!!!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* i don't buy it. :) hehe, no offense or anything.
|
||||
*Bashboy* Pls
|
||||
*Bashboy* Believe me!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* you seem _SO_ eager to see a pic of me naked (which i have) but
|
||||
you won't give me an honost answer why. :)
|
||||
*Bashboy* Really
|
||||
*Bashboy* Okay
|
||||
*Bashboy* Olkay
|
||||
*Bashboy* I see that u look handsome and want to see how u look when u are
|
||||
naked!
|
||||
|
||||
[ now this dood stressed to us how _NOT_ gay he was, yet he's _SO_
|
||||
eager to get a nude picture of me, something doesn't click! ]
|
||||
|
||||
*Bashboy* Pls!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Actually,
|
||||
*Bashboy* I'm not attracted!
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
[ yeah, like hell you're not, jubjub, if you're reading this, it
|
||||
looks as if you've got yourself a fan! ]
|
||||
|
||||
*Bashboy* Pls
|
||||
*Bashboy* send it!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Pls
|
||||
*Bashboy* Why don't u send it to me??
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* i'm going to give you the pic, and in exchange for it, all i
|
||||
want to know is WHY you really want it. :)
|
||||
*Bashboy* Okay
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* your 'truthful' answer makes no difference to me, so you don't
|
||||
have to be shy about it.
|
||||
*Bashboy* Hm..
|
||||
*Bashboy* Quick.
|
||||
*Bashboy* Send it!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* quick, just please tell me why you want a 'naked' picture of
|
||||
me, and i'll gladly send it. :)
|
||||
*Bashboy* because u look handsome and want to see how u look when u r naked!
|
||||
|
||||
[ oooh, now i'm 'handsome' to this non-homosexual youth. ]
|
||||
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* hansome enough to be attracted to?
|
||||
*Bashboy* Quite okay!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* in other words, you're attracted to guys?
|
||||
*Bashboy* A bit okay
|
||||
|
||||
[ look at that, we've gone from being _SO_ non-homosexual, to a
|
||||
'bit',.. ]
|
||||
|
||||
*Bashboy* Now send it to me!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* are you pullin' my leg? you're gay, aren't you ..
|
||||
|
||||
[ now just keep in mind, bashboy's a 'bit' attracted to guys, but
|
||||
he's _NOT_ gay, i repeat, he's _NOT_ gay! ]
|
||||
|
||||
*Bashboy* Nope!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* i'm just wondering how you can 'not' be gay and be attracted to
|
||||
guys? forgive me for my confusion here.
|
||||
*Bashboy* Hm..
|
||||
*Bashboy* Okay
|
||||
*Bashboy* Can u send it?
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* all i want is the 'honost' truth, and i'll tell you some
|
||||
secrets about me as well, AND give you my pic :)
|
||||
*Bashboy* Okay
|
||||
*Bashboy* have given u the answer!@
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* no, you haven't told me what i was looking for :)
|
||||
*Bashboy* What u want to know?
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* you admitted that you were a 'bit' attracted to guys, how can
|
||||
you be attracted to guys and not be gay?
|
||||
*Bashboy* Okay
|
||||
*Bashboy* Okay
|
||||
*Bashboy* I'm a bit gay!
|
||||
|
||||
[ my oh-my! this is like a shot right between the eyes@!~ i would
|
||||
have _NEVER_ suspected that bashboy over here was just a 'bit' gay! ]
|
||||
|
||||
*Bashboy* Okay??
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* a 'bit' gay, how does that work?
|
||||
*Bashboy* Hm...
|
||||
*Bashboy* Sometime I like girls and sometime I don't lke girls!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* so what you're saying is that you're bisexual?
|
||||
*Bashboy* Okay
|
||||
*Bashboy* A bit!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Now tell me your secret!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* you either are, or you aren't, so are you bisexual?
|
||||
*Bashboy* Yup
|
||||
*Bashboy* A bit!
|
||||
|
||||
[ i stand corrected, bashboy is only a 'bit' bisexual, not gay. ]
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
*Bashboy* Okay
|
||||
*Bashboy* Now tell me your secret!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* one more question first, this one is pretty simple ..
|
||||
*Bashboy* Quick!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* why do you use the nick 'bashboy' in irc, do you pose as a gay
|
||||
basher because you are insecure with your sexuality?
|
||||
*Bashboy* Nope!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Not a gay basher!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* why did you choose that nick then?
|
||||
*Bashboy* For fun!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Everyone in my school reconise this nick1
|
||||
*Bashboy* Okay?
|
||||
*Bashboy* Now send it to me!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* so you think it's fun to misleed people with a nick like that,
|
||||
convincing them that you're a gay basher?
|
||||
*Bashboy* Nope!
|
||||
*Bashboy* And tell me your secret!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* sure, since you've been a good sport, i'll send it :)
|
||||
|
||||
[ luckily i had another picture of jubjub on hand from halloween, off
|
||||
we go to dcc land! ]
|
||||
|
||||
*Bashboy* Okay!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Getting!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Nope!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Lying~
|
||||
*Bashboy* It not naked!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* what? it's a picture of me
|
||||
*Bashboy* I know!
|
||||
*Bashboy* I want naked!
|
||||
|
||||
[ shit, now i _DEFINATLY_ do not have a nude picture of jubjub, i'm
|
||||
going to have to get myself out of this mess somehow, i KNEW i should given
|
||||
him a picture of tut instead considering he's got nude pictures floating
|
||||
around the internet. ]
|
||||
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* you're hormones are racing to see me naked, aren't they
|
||||
*Bashboy* Yup
|
||||
*Bashboy* Quick!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Send it to me!
|
||||
|
||||
[ i got it! i can go to that porn site that's been spammed around so
|
||||
frequently and find a nude picture that i can chop the head off with XView;
|
||||
http://www.jerkey.net/~smokee here we come! (and luckily they had just what
|
||||
i was looking for. ]
|
||||
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* ok, but i'm cutting my head off of it, ok?
|
||||
|
||||
*Bashboy* Okay
|
||||
*Bashboy* Quick!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Okay!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Get it!
|
||||
*Bashboy* And see it!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Not bad!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* thanks!
|
||||
*Bashboy* It is quite long!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Now your secrets!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Quick1
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* ok, i just 'gave' you something, now just a bit more
|
||||
information about yourself before we proceed with me, sound
|
||||
cool?
|
||||
*Bashboy* Okay!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Quick!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* ok, first off, why are you in such a rush? :)
|
||||
*Bashboy* I got to go!!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* oh, well, when did u first find out you were gay?
|
||||
*Bashboy* Hm...
|
||||
*Bashboy* Lasy year!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* how did you relize it, were you just attracted to other guys?
|
||||
*Bashboy* I don't know!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* how old r u again?
|
||||
*Bashboy* 15
|
||||
|
||||
[ is it just me, or did he say he was 14 years old earlier? ]
|
||||
|
||||
*Bashboy* u?
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* 14 :)
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* ok, ask me questions :)
|
||||
*Bashboy* R u gay?
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* no, i told you that before, remember? :)
|
||||
*Bashboy* And also tell me your secrets!
|
||||
*Bashboy* How do I know what secrets u have!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Who took the photo for u?
|
||||
*Bashboy* So what secrets!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Tell me!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* but if i told you my secrets, our conversation would probably
|
||||
come to an end, and i've enjoyed chatting with you.
|
||||
*Bashboy* No!
|
||||
*Bashboy* It will not end!
|
||||
*Bashboy* U can call me by phone!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Or by E-mail
|
||||
*Bashboy* Quick!
|
||||
*Bashboy* If u don't tell me,
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* ok ok ok, put you have to promise that you'll still love me as
|
||||
much as you do!
|
||||
*Bashboy* Yup
|
||||
*Bashboy* Quick!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* ok, i'm a writer for an electronic magazine called 'hoe'.. and
|
||||
i'm using this conversation in my next article.
|
||||
*Bashboy* Hm..
|
||||
*Bashboy* Oic
|
||||
*Bashboy* Anymore??
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* yes, our complete conversation will be viewable to millions all
|
||||
over the world. :)
|
||||
*Bashboy* hm...
|
||||
*Bashboy* U will be dead!!!!!
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* i thought you said you weren't going to get mad?
|
||||
*Bashboy* Dead yet??
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* what?
|
||||
*Bashboy* U get disconnefcted?
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* no, i have much too secure of a network for you to be able to
|
||||
disconnect me. :)
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* although, you may try all you like. :)
|
||||
*Bashboy* dead yet??
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* i told you, you CANNOT kill this connection. :)
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* nothing you have could 'possibly' severe my connection to the
|
||||
internet ... :)
|
||||
-> *Bashboy* considering that you tried to remove me from the internet, i
|
||||
feel it's more then appropriate to extend that favor back to
|
||||
you. ;)
|
||||
|
||||
[insert teardrop command here, and rest assured, it worked.]
|
||||
|
||||
+---[/]------------ - -- ------+
|
||||
|
||||
here we have a youth who's incredibly unsure of himself, and will go
|
||||
to GREAT lengths to hide something he already knows for himself that he is.
|
||||
not even the barriors of text mode make things easy in life.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #187 -- written by Ilsundal -- 1/19/98 *
|
||||
119
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0188.txt
Normal file
119
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0188.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,119 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #188
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "MatCat Explains Christianity" <<
|
||||
by -> Antihero
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
From MatCat: It is like being a normal person
|
||||
|
||||
**** Carcinoma logged OFF! 129 lines in use.
|
||||
|
||||
From MatCat: only diff is it is mreo strict
|
||||
From MatCat: a little harder
|
||||
From MatCat: u dont know how hard it was for me to stop cursing
|
||||
From MatCat: i still use em sumtimes
|
||||
From Anti-Hero: can't curse?
|
||||
From Anti-Hero: oh, that sucks dick.
|
||||
From MatCat: it is all around hard work and full of happieness
|
||||
From MatCat: it is hard to convert
|
||||
From Anti-Hero: but can i stil shoot heroin and smoke cocaine? and make fun
|
||||
of old ladies?
|
||||
From MatCat: people like u who REALLY wanna become a christain often have a
|
||||
very hard time convertin
|
||||
From MatCat: becomin a christain is like givin up drugs!
|
||||
From MatCat: it is just as hard and can be more benifical
|
||||
From MatCat: if you become a christian u will want to give up drugs
|
||||
From MatCat: along with givin up other things i know u dont wunna give up
|
||||
|
||||
**** Cupcake logged ON! 130 lines in use.
|
||||
|
||||
From MatCat: sex, cursin, anarchy, that stuff must go :)
|
||||
From MatCat: if u realy realy wanna become a christian i will help
|
||||
|
||||
**** Candyman logged ON! 131 lines in use.
|
||||
|
||||
From Anti-Hero: no sex?
|
||||
From MatCat: no sex
|
||||
From MatCat: u can have sex after u get married :)
|
||||
|
||||
**** Skatin logged OFF! 130 lines in use.
|
||||
|
||||
From Anti-Hero: dumb.
|
||||
|
||||
**** Candyman logged OFF! 129 lines in use.
|
||||
|
||||
From MatCat: i knew that would be ur answer
|
||||
From Anti-Hero: well, i can make fun of old ladies and jesus, right?
|
||||
From MatCat: if u become a christian makin fun of people will not be somtin
|
||||
you would want to do
|
||||
From Anti-Hero: i fucked my cat once.
|
||||
From Anti-Hero: can i stil do that?
|
||||
From MatCat: along with animal sex
|
||||
From MatCat: it seams more and more like u are joken around or that u realy
|
||||
dont know much bout bein a christain
|
||||
From Anti-Hero: hey, i'm serious!
|
||||
From Anti-Hero: it's true!
|
||||
From MatCat: being a christain is not sumtin u can say u are, it is sumtin u
|
||||
must earn
|
||||
From MatCat: to be a christian u have to followthe rulez that are stated in
|
||||
the bible, and must never ever follow any humen rule
|
||||
From Anti-Hero: i can't fuck girls, cause anarchy, smoke cocaine, shoot up,
|
||||
and not make fun of old people... and to top it off i can't
|
||||
fuck my cat?!
|
||||
From MatCat: tht goes against a bible rule
|
||||
From MatCat: u wouldnt want to
|
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|
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**** Chronic the Hemphog logged OFF! 128 lines in use.
|
||||
|
||||
From Anti-Hero: if you can say somehting that'll change my mind, i'll become
|
||||
a christian. just give me some of the basics -- the "ups"
|
||||
of being one!
|
||||
From MatCat: well u wont go to hell
|
||||
From MatCat: u will never have the side affexts of drugs
|
||||
|
||||
**** Method Man logged ON! 129 lines in use.
|
||||
|
||||
From MatCat: all that u do is satans act
|
||||
From MatCat: u cant control urself hardly
|
||||
|
||||
**** Method Man logged OFF! 128 lines in use.
|
||||
|
||||
From MatCat: no stealing, cheating, lieing, hurting, drugs, sex, makein fun
|
||||
of anything i forgot?
|
||||
From Anti-Hero: then what's the "ups"?
|
||||
From MatCat: the ups is sumtin you discover yourself
|
||||
|
||||
**** DonJuan logged OFF! 127 lines in use.
|
||||
|
||||
From MatCat: welp i am outta time
|
||||
From MatCat: got 50 sec left
|
||||
From Anti-Hero: hmm... i don't know if i want to be a christian. i like sex,
|
||||
drugs, and rock n roll too much!
|
||||
From MatCat: hey theres christian rock n roll
|
||||
From Anti-Hero: really?
|
||||
From Anti-Hero: where can i get some of that?
|
||||
From MatCat: got hevy metal rock n roll christian style
|
||||
From MatCat: i have 10 sec left
|
||||
|
||||
**** The Ratt logged ON! 128 lines in use.
|
||||
|
||||
From MatCat: tell ya l8r
|
||||
From Anti-Hero: is there like wu-tang prochits?
|
||||
From Anti-Hero: and like king jesus?
|
||||
|
||||
**** MatCat has just vanished from the teleconference!
|
||||
**** MatCat logged OFF! 127 lines in use.
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #188 -- written by Antihero -- 1/19/98 *
|
||||
222
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0189.txt
Normal file
222
textfiles.com/magazines/HOE/hoe-0189.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,222 @@
|
||||
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #189
|
||||
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
||||
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
||||
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
||||
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
||||
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
||||
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
||||
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
||||
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
||||
|
||||
>> "My Ass" <<
|
||||
by -> Skinhorse
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
|
||||
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M$;A-(K$]>(%>FV^2EQ<5CJHE$"D2EF'X@@%N^V$';AOGT:,H!-D%5-A3B!05
|
||||
M&^6>"(C?NZ,1E!Z;*0L]RJ@>%<C?!1C1MB1&7,52BUD%)4J#XC+AEX9_J0,8
|
||||
M,=DNFTP-R"H`*URTDY)&@#LXLL?#S8YJ&C1NE&C!J-OD<$X1F>'D:V0;CO6S
|
||||
MS^]TJ?39C/:DQT(Z;C,7-IS?HVIECR][-M"U)=0@$4AI.NSK\NXS(!(CQ=P;
|
||||
MHD2-=Z<R:<C%&X@`,&I3PRO'1!/E;9.-$5SM_]3YT>6?RK75626^MO2@8@^B
|
||||
MH],D4]B,Y'7=I8>&7A=.NQ>V[)[%U62CF)'EN'U;Y3\H:?HL$,=K:QP;;E5H
|
||||
M3VW.<2=;($W9M]+TO9\(1`'1[-I$$2E`8A\5*FF8$Y0B*(N]_F[..(GKR9['
|
||||
M9Q,G-8QL-J?++:C$>93$2I.+"VCW^$@D;5[8XYQ,JIG/$3&[L,GMH.%">O:G
|
||||
MAF5.(EO9#'%'D`CY'CMXFE8@\16GAF/.(QQ)B.+R<H"B+V#S:YG_`$U?-63_
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||||
M`$2([1BHJ^]2?$>V5XA&,#"]SS'X[FG4DSE8Y=&7Z990H@"]?VAF9$0ACV^3
|
||||
MA\!$N&6_5EMM:HJJQ`Z"@&50PT!(]^S.>468A.4B!10$%>Y(RX@3JNCCW11"
|
||||
MV[%@0OV13",)G*QT:CFH$+VAXL.-`*;'*?",97=4F,[&XM$+%\`J-Z;YEQEQ
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M"NK36]N:W#'8>^,:EM6[&JW)4FMU!V`WWK[XD\!VYE92L5R0SP4(Y;D@_CEV
|
||||
M`R&0&]BU;RB1U"475L@8@>&0E+@G<C;*&+C%\BQ34=.212&``(I\(R<,D3$E
|
||||
MQ\MB54P+T)=.NUF@V"GXEJ1T_#(`\6W1G&=<GH]M?1W.G3W@%#!$[D=_A4G^
|
||||
M&)Q<)W/I+DC+*4:'U!__U><6&A1PL$$:BA!VSQK)F,@:.Y?HG%BC$"AL&>66
|
||||
MEU`XB@`ZTRGPR1P@[ER,9KFR*"S$7$AZBF_C7,4P,1ZC;F1.^P9+97#1\%93
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MP:B\CXG+1'D>Y-DGA'5E%I"Q=DZ#L?$9?CQ2D1*TRE$1X>;(XD$$(%>@ZYE9
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M,T81('-HPPXI4PSS-?,`+:"7]]/T3P7?KOFOPU*Y<6YY.3J,L81X*]Z#TFU"
|
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MHCL@4GJ/#,L8(F/'MLZ[Q)7P\WH%A#4#@*9=++4=MG$EC)E9OYLEMHN(%10[
|
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M;',;$3,;EG0Z)LJ<>A!KX9E3J&.P=V%<1Y4C43BI+'<]1[X(9#B'%;41Q'DN
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M2,T&P;Y#IE,^(@\6]LS0Y(CTN/P%1R&U<R(50!Z-!%[AHV[#D>0''#&1.]TC
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||||
M:J43$?M]AURW&29-62.R&D0D%JB@[Y8)RQ&^B,9B=CL2DUPM*L0#VK\\A(B5
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MS`W<@4!PGDD,Z5Y`]3VR>'$)&_+=Q-01$5\F%ZK;(:EMRO2GOEV01JQR<7B/
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M)!Z?>>C%>VK?9EMY$"=JE2!D)@&HL\<Y1!EW@O\`_];6MBHH6C!'2N>+DF>Y
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M#]'XX\)9%:VSH`H!"GJ*Y:!*)XKJVXU+<IFEJ:K2H/<]LHEB!N5_M9PFOD4H
|
||||
M1\7$]V'ME.6?#*[KDWX2)7M=)SIU]RXT?E)"*$GJ1XY;BRDRXA9BD8XB-'8^
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M;-H9U%N\T@ZCD![#J,=0)"IG:V."B:!NGEEQ-'J6L7%PBU2-BD8!Z`$YF8L&
|
||||
M#CB1L*_M</++(3($=676$:`*K>V3GFQQ'!'FTG!D!X^C,K-TA`V\`#VS59,Q
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MQSX2W<'B1L,@AG4UVZ>.9V"5V`&B>+;FC>?QCB0/<],D34MF(CZ:1J.55F)Y
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M"HRN7$"2=PPKD$7;%7I7;VS(Q;AJRV$SIPHIWKU'ODQ$<G%N]USJH&XW)!K3
|
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M+90,1<FN.2SLA98^6X-,A($^L-@(JBELB``@]QTRPR)-E`A7))KHTZ;CV]LL
|
||||
MXP(FCLPEC-WO;'[GXJL-LG*<A[B&N..,CWFV,WJ`H=M\E"?#'<M6?&>,T#3%
|
||||
MI*^L@^SN"0.^3)WNVD1(#__7D5O:@!>-3OO6F>,0C*7TE^D1'AW*?6\%%&]:
|
||||
M;$=<S(1.YD6.61'+JCXT923Q-/##$8_I/)C$E6-D)4J#2@W%/ZYAYL1R6(';
|
||||
MO<V!AC/%*_<DUS;W%G6>V-"OVE/\O?(GT0X(G<-TAXAXC]*/T[S#_N)OS)Q:
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||||
M2-&!4G[-05'7YY/'(QJ63<2^S9CG`(X<8JOUI#HJ*!7H*U_LRG2Y)&1WV:-1
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M8BS:WN8(:,[#Y[9?(RQRE(;M<3XD0":I.;;58V`55Y#;>GCD,<!DAQ'<AKRY
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M."=1&R;P7,C.!2G+<]<GC]-@LSD$HV$[BDY44M5JC;)6-@3O;2`;L<D^B%4I
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M6@VKFP($XT'7\=2M'VY!^$BF5QJC%CDOF"C:D#<UKT&(B0-SS:>+?9:9`2J$
|
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MT:FYRT@GTD]&.V\@IR2`5!-#7')#T\T0.^R"F*A7IO[9/%0BL[D>YCT[UKRV
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M\,GX(E&^A3+(;H)%<M\1I6AR<H1H;-!E($@,=O6I4-TWH<$19[FLDTQ"8_Z1
|
||||
M%1J+S`(['?PS(C$T:+CGF'__T)Y!%6BD4)%=\\@,HP-OT@(F0V3NWA"44]^^
|
||||
M&>2CMN"SCB$^\4FJ6)(!V8&A%<'B>&*YLLD.*6VU(KZM\`)V\,ME,".W-JQQ
|
||||
MD9>K=`7,2LI%!0BF_OF/C''*X\NKG[")B=WD.O--I5Z8./"*^:AIT/A^K#JY
|
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M\/IVH;M.*1R"^H<=9^K"."`5D<`>X-,UL9F.PY-TZI/M-6YG=&N)6:IKQ)(I
|
||||
M7,F,I2W)]+BR&VST&Q@],+Q&ZCKEP,0?07&B+WER+)[4<J;';H<G"7'NLH\&
|
||||
MR?VZ"H\/'+.$'F6DS/0)Y;DJ`OVFVKDH3K;K;3FB#OT1=&#AAT&6F$N.VGC@
|
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M(4B/6KM4`US(O:QT<4QI#R2#[7<=\L\/C-TO%6Q4WEK\5<D<8)J^33XO#RV!
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||||
M0$\_4GMN*8XN&4]V^_2DTUPK!B:5[9DQAPWT'1QLV3D`+[TBN9QR(8;'N/'*
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MJG+=@0`*8U?S45CX?KRKQ)`I,=^;#I+AI)D>E.#@TWWH0<M@"`2T$Q!`?__1
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||||
M['#9H`K,*]QMXYY:!&6[]#6?IW1ZVZ(`XZ="/GF,:C("+DXC(Q)EMW)G`JGX
|
||||
M:``=/'*@(@V>;D$F7N19BC502-NHS(P1Q\7%+<'O1D!K;FE=QP`+!=AUIVRS
|
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M(,8)&/YL<8F!<GD'G8Q3+'Q;G.I_=I4;]^^8.:)E=D40R%"]CS8YI>F2/()9
|
||||
M5K(2#F!.)R#T@`@LO>]/L+-D"%@-AMF=IP(0O)NXNH).T66VJ[5^@4RR6.-&
|
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M0:X7"0B606H;B"!]^#'$QC9Y,<I)GL;3RW$G(`K1>QR4A*MF`-IFA<,"`:#O
|
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MC$SXD2A'AHHLL2.6]*\36GXYL<0$X\5\G!G$C:K_`$*4IXFM2#DR(CDQ`E6^
|
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MZ6W-XRUXGY_[65YI2W$2C#C`-RY=W5+6O7H?C(([99BPY#0)W:,^3$-P-D,]
|
||||
M\Q-*[9EG%6S3CR$BRE-S=JK"C4+'H3A.\4;'ELDEW>]JU)\,9`\'#U+"(K=C
|
||||
MUW<>I52:#*.`R/!R1(UNQJ63A.B*?A9UY?2<NX#':^;BS-D%_]+T+]5&U1OV
|
||||
M.>7:OAA("+]$Z2!(]2XPA=CO[94.&4K)<NB!L-E6()'\3&F6''"$3*18\<IG
|
||||
MAB&WF#`L"`J^.8<LH)H=7*&,@@'FPSS!K4&G6[R2$A0*``]33,3'.7&1OPC=
|
||||
MMRPX(<]SR>.!YM4O3<RDE"254]`#X9+)665W8[G`XC'8,VTZ)40*HJ12I[UR
|
||||
MZ&.!Q'A%,,LB"S"S`;B#4=!7#DJJCT##%SW9/;H%`'4`;9#%+>I,LD>'<)Y`
|
||||
M#046E,SH2&3ZAL.3A3/!])W*=14(5B#V[^.7RQ1`L-8S2&Q36.B`CKMTPRQQ
|
||||
M/+XM/BD\W)(JAN6Q';+,6,,<F=#/*'4@M0C:G?)8\9`-\F.20,@(G=(;D<2W
|
||||
MQ5R<("1L;%JRS$8^YC]Q.4J!L/'+C</4XTC&8H,?N+R0$TD*D>^"4CD^G9``
|
||||
M@**52:C4CU'JP_:ZY".*?(G<M4LOELE5Q?)RX\@:GKT.6F\9]3'BX^227=[Q
|
||||
MZ/OWWR409SXHM4Y`"BD4E_\`O$/(UY@_C@X;G9.[#C%4_P#_T_33\:)TK3/+
|
||||
M<WU>=/T7"^G)1?Z/;!I[ZTV3JNJ$;]KE]FO?IARU_%RMNQ=*0ESRX_NZ=#7P
|
||||
MK3,/]WX@]SE1XZ-<WB/G+Z]]<A]>GU3]FE>M#UKE,_J]'T_CFTZCBH\7/\<D
|
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MNT_AQ7T^E-OEE.+ZMN3AGK;+]/Y=J\:_CFQ->'LT;WNS&QKR%/#*O5]@82YA
|
||||
ME=GQXCEX;95/@_AYTWRXN'?O3^WX<4KTH.F9V"O"'%R<>5<>W--8./Q>'+X?
|
||||
ME[9?&ZW^##)PV*YTBWY57C]%*Y;+B<:'#TY-2?M4IRVRT<5'A:9<&W$Q^XY^
|
||||
ML>//J*UZ5RSU^'OWN,.'Q=KY(:XYU^++_3M37ZOX^3&;^N_'I0],IU=].2<+
|
||||
M#+[U^9XU_AE6/BX?)C.J29_7H>M:'+8WT_:XDN>Z17'K5]^WC_M99MOQ<U-_
|
||||
IPI?<>M0\J4KODL'(UR8SY!CUS];^L0<:</43EUZ<AF2>"PX7J^U__]GQ
|
||||
`
|
||||
end
|
||||
|
||||
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #189 -- written by Skinhorse -- 1/19/98 *
|
||||
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Reference in New Issue
Block a user