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<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>Ŀ
<20><><EFBFBD>CanceR<65><52>Presents<74><73><EFBFBD>
<20> <20><>FucT<63><54>#003<30><33> <20>
<20> <20><>06<30>01<30>93<39><33> <20>
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>Ŀ
<20> Table<6C>of<6F>Contents <20>
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>Ĵ
<20>Part 1................Intro <20>
<20>Part 2.Getting into Vax/Vms <20>
<20>Part 3..H/P/A?no "D"eviancy <20>
<20>Part 4................Scans <20>
<20>Part 5..........Member List <20>
<20>Part 6..........Dist. Sites <20>
<20>Part 7...............Endtro <20>
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>Ĵ
<20> <20><>CanceR<65><52>93<39><33> <20>
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
Part 1
[INTRO]
Well, it has been three months since the start.From here on out
the group should be picking up a bit.Note the "D" instead of A for
anarchy...making insignificant destructive devices is hardly anarchy
and we know it.Enjoy.
Part 2
$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$
$%$ Getting into VAX/VMS Systems $%$
$%$ by Nitro-187/CanceR $%$
$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$
VMS is an acronym for Virtual Memory System, and is made by Digital
Equipment Corportaion as a way of allowing the basic computer management
to be done by a user familiar with any of the systems it made.
.... Blah .... The main purpose of this manual is to actually teach
the average person something besides have a 20k file full of techno-talk
and just stuff people release and people go "Gee, he sure knows a lot
about this" without ever learning something. Ok, the first step of getting
into a VMS is identifying one. First if you do not know of any VMS systems
in your area I suggest Tone Loc or some other program. Anywayz
the Username: prompt. The system will let you try three accounts
and passwords. Here's a list of default user names and passwords that
are common on most VMS systems
USERNAME PASSWORD
-------- --------
DECNET DECNET
SYSTEM SYSTEM
DEFAULT DEFAULT
OPERATIONS OPERATIONS
SYSTEST_CLIG CLIG
SYSTEST
TEST
These are accounts with powerful access, So try these first
because you will be able to do things that you can't with
others, like create your own account.
SYSTEST UETP
SYSTEST
FIELD FIELD
SUPPORT SUPPORT
DEC
Ok, when you put down a user account it will not tell you if it is valid
or not. Now you should be in and see a $ prompt. I won't tell you what
to do, because I would be wasting my time. VMS has some of the best
help files available anywhere. Just type HELP at the $ prompt and you will
get it on every command you would pretty much want to use.
The system I got into was the University of Alaska computer network,
divided between 3 cities here and hooked up to internet, If you would like
some more info on this than there are hundreds of files for you to
choose from, such as VAX news, or my file /<2F>ftershock #3 which is a capture
on how some are run. Also if you do have an internet account there are
several ftp sites for VMS stuff like amarna.gsfc.nasa.gov arizona.edu
hydra.uwo.ca
Have phun!
Part 3
[Minor Deviancy] hehe
Molotov Cocktail
This has got to be one of the most simple destruction devices
to make,and also very effective.
Supplies:One bottle/Coke,Beer(16 ounce size)
Gallon of Gas
Quart of motor oil
And one rag
Ok take your bottle andd pour in the oil,about 1/2 the way full.
Next add about the same amount of gas.Soak your rag in some of
the left over gas andd cram it in the top of the bottle.Now get
a lighter,go to a buddies house light and throw.Have fun...
<20>Easy M-80s<30>
Ok there have been tons of files written about M-80s etc. This one is
damn simple and the supplies are right at hand.
Supplies Needed: Cardboard Tubing (toilet paper roll,Paper Towles)
Toilet Paper (Packing Material)
Clay/Putty (Packing Material)
Gunpowder (Hmmm I wonder)
Fuses (Duh)
Wooden Dowl (Hardware/Lumber store)
Hammer
Cold Beer/Cigs
1st step take your tube and poke a hole inn the middle of it,just big
enough for the fuse to fit.Now cover the hole with a peice of tape.Next
putty up one end of the tube and let it set.Next wad up some toilet paper
and stuff it in the tube.Now take your dowl and hammer and pake the
fucker in,nice and tight.Put about a 1/4 of and inch of both clay and
TP in the end.Now get ready to pack your ass off.Pour in some gunpowder
and pack it down.Keep going until you reach the hole you punched.Remove
the tape and insert your fuse.Now pack in some more gunpowder until you
reach about 1/2 an inch from the top.Pack in about 1/4 of Toilet paper
and then your clay to finish it off.Let it set for awile,so drink a brew
and have a smoke.Ok now grab your lighter and your bomb.Goto your Ex-
girlfriends house,and have fun.
Of course these are far more lethal then your standard M-80,so use your
head so you can be around to see another day.
M-80 Diagram
<20>
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>Ŀ
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> Gunpowder <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
KEY:
<20>=Clay/Putty
<20>=Toilet Paper
<20><>Detonators<72><73>
Supplies:2 gator clips
plenty of wire(2 separate peices)
1 lantern battery
1 pack of Solar Ignitors(found at Hobby Shops)
Soldering Iron/Solder
First splice your wires eds,and soldder on the gator clips.Next take your
solar ignitors(used for launching model rockets) and fasten it to your
fuse.The part that burns on the ignitor is light brown and looks like a
tear drop.Now connect your gator clips to the 2 little wires that come
off of the ignitors.Next string out your wire to a safe hiding spot.Now
touch one wire to the pos. the other to the neg. and KABBOM!I think they
also sell wireless detonators for model rockets at hobby shops,so u might
want to check those out.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Using ANSI.SYS To Make Nifty Little Trojans
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
Alistar/CanceR
Hey all.. This article will teach you to use ANSI.SYS (if you don't know what
that is, read a book) and other MS-DOS tools to create nifty little trojan
horse programs.. They are relitivly easy to slip into computers, and are un-
scannable if you have any brains at all.. The only way that i know of to
defeat these little fuckers is a program called pksfansi.com, which most
people don't have.
First of all, i will describe some easy key re-definitions.. function keys
are the easiest, here is a table of thier "extended function codes".. i'll
explain in a bit..
_Key_ _Normal_ _Shift_ _Control_ _Alt_
F1 0;59 0;84 0;94 0;104
F2 0;60 0;85 0;95 0;105
F3 0;61 0;86 0;96 0;106
F4 0;62 0;87 0;97 0;107
F5 0;63 0;88 0;98 0;108
F6 0;64 0;89 0;99 0;109
F7 0;65 0;90 0;100 0;110
F8 0;66 0;91 0;101 0;111
F9 0;67 0;92 0;102 0;112
F10 0;68 0;93 0;103 0;113
to change one key to have the effect of another type this:
ESC[#;#p
where the first # is the ASCII vlaue of the key you wish to change,
and the second # is the ASCII value of the new definition.. (unfortunatly)
i don't have an ASCII key value chart, find one!) this is really useful
for re-defining the N key to Y (you'll see what i mean in a minute)..
to re-define a keystroke to mean a string of characters (format c: comes to
mind:) simply type:
ESC[#;"string"p
where, as before, # is the ASCII value of the key you wish to change.. (d
would probably be the best, seeing as how the command "dir" is very commonly
used)..
to make all this really useful if you end the ESC sequence wih ";13p" as
opposed to "p", the string will self-execute.. (getting the picture here?)
here is an example.. create a batch file called "lamer.bat" it should contain
the following lines
@echo off
ESC[#;#;13p (where the first # is the ASCII value for "n" and the second "y")
ESC[#;"format C:";13p (where # is "d" or somthing..)
then put in somthing stupid like "type fuct.ans" so the stupid fuck thinks
he ran a legit file.. then, the first time they hit "d", "format c: y/n?"
appears onthier screen.. they freak out and hit "n", which has been
re-defined to mean"y".. as they stare in shock at thier screen, thier computer
is either wholly, or partially fucked big time...
Part 4
[Scans]
Tone 1-800-682-6176 :
Tone 1-800-428-2947 :
Tone 1-800-672-7668 :
Tone 1-800-951-1476 :
Tone 1-800-370-8078 :
Tone 1-800-295-9071 :
Tone 1-800-621-9026 :
Tone 1-800-753-5673 :
Tone 1-800-667-1349 :
Tone 1-800-484-7053 :
Tone 1-800-725-2722 :
Tone 1-800-780-8649 :
Tone 1-800-628-1846 :
Tone 1-800-260-7068 :
Tone 1-800-862-5479 :
Tone 1-800-539-2061 :
Tone 1-800-367-2538 :
Tone 1-800-437-5006 :
Tone 1-800-479-0826 :
Tone 1-800-803-2077 :
Tone 1-800-225-3073 :
Tone 1-800-562-1601 :
Tone 1-800-782-7247 :
Tone 1-800-367-6964 :
Tone 1-800-251-6946 :
Tone 1-800-282-4814 :
Tone 1-800-530-9477 :
Tone 1-800-295-7669 :
Tone 1-800-331-3748 :
Tone 1-800-639-7952 :
Tone 1-800-443-3660 :
Tone 1-800-780-2585 :
Tone 1-800-553-0647 :
Tone 1-800-262-9685 :
Tone 1-800-482-3276 :
Tone 1-800-553-2403 :
Tone 1-800-461-4113 :
Tone 1-800-521-8186 :
Tone 1-800-387-0059 :
Tone 1-800-926-9141 :
Tone 1-800-964-0513 :
Tone 1-800-972-3656 :
Tone 1-800-998-9407 :
Tone 1-800-926-9629 :
Tone 1-800-940-2613 :
Tone 1-800-972-8778 :
Tone 1-800-932-4269 :
Tone 1-800-945-6632 :
Tone 1-800-972-6328 :
Tone 1-800-998-7290 :
Tone 1-800-952-5780 :
Tone 1-800-933-2418 :
Tone 1-800-992-1780 :
Tone 1-800-933-7437 :
Tone 1-800-922-4617 :
Tone 1-800-940-3434 :
Tone 1-800-940-1250 :
Tone 1-800-972-5605 :
Tone 1-800-992-7699 :
Tone 1-800-835-1334 :
Tone 1-800-846-4603 :
Tone 1-800-874-5029 :
Tone 1-800-826-6965 :
Tone 1-800-828-5731 :
Tone 1-800-841-7624 :
Tone 1-800-833-9305 :
Tone 1-800-852-4650 :
Tone 1-800-848-2978 :
Tone 1-800-831-3411 :
Tone 1-800-858-4602 :
Tone 1-800-826-5164 :
Tone 1-800-828-2028 :
Tone 1-800-832-6965 :
Tone 1-800-892-4642 :
Tone 1-800-831-1307 :
Tone 1-800-872-3439 :
Tone 1-800-873-0537 :
Tone 1-800-892-3263 :
Tone 1-800-832-9512 :
Tone 1-800-824-7689 :
Tone 1-800-843-7040 :
Tone 1-800-831-2811 :
Tone 1-800-826-4751 :
Tone 1-800-859-2085 :
Tone 1-800-845-6339 :
Tone 1-800-832-5180 :
Tone 1-800-826-1967 :
Tone 1-800-872-2119 :
Tone 1-800-852-3338 :
Tone 1-800-845-9435 :
Tone 1-800-872-2991 :
Tone 1-800-856-7995 :
Tone 1-800-872-8891 :
Tone 1-800-892-2051 :
Tone 1-800-856-9430 :
Tone 1-800-846-1920 :
Tone 1-800-872-4511 :
Tone 1-800-862-5946 :
Tone 1-800-852-9980 :
Tone 1-800-852-6920 :
Tone 1-800-852-9542 :
Tone 1-800-892-0252 :
Tone 1-800-852-8595 :
Tone 1-800-826-9151 :
Tone 1-800-872-9009 :
Tone 1-800-879-3059 :
Tone 1-800-652-4081 :
Tone 1-800-672-6175 :
Tone 1-800-666-4153 :
Tone 1-800-337-7303 :
Tone 1-800-372-2768 :
Tone 1-800-392-4066 :
Tone 1-800-358-6060 :
Tone 1-800-392-4553 :
Tone 1-800-392-3372 :
Tone 1-800-345-0770 :
Tone 1-800-346-1979 :
Tone 1-800-392-4950 :
Tone 1-800-329-7100 :
Tone 1-800-370-3242 :
Tone 1-800-366-3124 :
Tone 1-800-392-0815 :
Tone 1-800-344-3342 :
Tone 1-800-326-5795 :
Tone 1-800-336-6191 :
Tone 1-800-392-5863 :
Tone 1-800-352-6976 :
Tone 1-800-370-4686 :
Tone 1-800-342-8122 :
Tone 1-800-352-2291 :
Tone 1-800-370-6123 :
Tone 1-800-372-6129 :
Tone 1-800-338-4088 :
Tone 1-800-350-7339 :
Tone 1-800-325-5437 :
Tone 1-800-372-6738 :
Tone 1-800-361-6340 :
Tone 1-800-370-6316 :
Tone 1-800-800-1316 :
Tone 1-800-800-4664 :
Tone 1-800-800-7645 :
Tone 1-800-800-2154 :
Tone 1-800-800-1182 :
Tone 1-800-800-0344 :
Tone 1-800-800-1104 :
Tone 1-800-800-3459 :
Tone 1-800-800-2937 :
Tone 1-800-800-1326 :
Tone 1-800-800-7935 :
Tone 1-800-800-0182 :
Tone 1-800-800-1058 :
Tone 1-800-800-6460 :
Tone 1-800-800-1098 :
Tone 1-800-800-0154 :
Tone 1-800-877-5718 :
Tone 1-800-877-5821 :
Tone 1-800-877-6078 :
Tone 1-800-877-6631 :
Tone 1-800-877-9463 :
Tone 1-800-877-6732 :
Tone 1-800-877-1811 :
Tone 1-800-877-9789 :
Tone 1-800-877-2761 :
Tone 1-800-877-3146 :
Tone 1-800-877-3516 :
Tone 1-800-877-5125 :
Tone 1-800-877-0681 :
Tone 1-800-877-9858 :
Tone 1-800-877-9569 :
Tone 1-800-877-3695 :
Tone 1-800-877-4133 :
Tone 1-800-877-2689 :
Tone 1-800-877-8652 :
Tone 1-800-877-0067 :
Note: These scans were done from the 2nd to the 15th of May 1993.
Some may be lame and some not...we at CanceR wouldnt know,
as they are for you,the reader.Check em out.
Part 5
[Member List as of 06/1/93]
Updated every issue...
Jester Of Chaos (206)
Candy Man (206)
Arsonist (206)
The Slacker (206)
Alister (206)
Quantum (206)
Bane (708)
Nitro-187 (907)
The Gargoyle (904)
Special Thanks to the Support Team(Sysops):
Candyman (206)
Bane (708)
Goldstein (708)
Hawkmoon (914)
Blackhawk (904)
The Gargoyle (904)
Lineman (417)
Slither (819)
Page 9
[Distribution Sites]
13th Avenue CanceR WHQ.........................................206-XXX-XXXX
Daemoniac Ghetto CanceR HQ.....................................708-XXX-XXXX
Room101........................................................708-XXX-XXXX
Liquid Euphoria................................................914-XXX-XXXX
Blackstaff Tower...............................................904-XXX-XXXX
Darke Spyre BBS................................................904-XXX-XXXX
Lineman's Lair.................................................417-XXX-XXXX
Dot Matrixx....................................................819-XXX-XXXX
Page 10
[Endtro]
We at CanceR are always looking for new writing talent...if you would
like to join then write something and upload it to one of the dist.
sites.Also leave a way we can contact you.Also also...if you need to
talk to a CanceR member it can be arranged...leave a message at:
1-800-877-2231 (after hours) hit **10302...it should say "This is
Grant Forebain {Bane},please leave a message".This is to not attract
any attention to the box(may not matter)...just ignore the greet.
C.1993 CanceR
FucT#003
06/01/93

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<HTML>
<TITLE>T E X T F I L E S</TITLE>
<BODY BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#00FF00" LINK="#00FF00" ALINK="#00AA00" VLINK="#00AA00">
<H1>Electronic Magazines: Full Disclosure</H1>
<P>
Glen Roberts is one angry man. Concerned about the nature of privacy and personal
information online, he has created a ton of newsletters and even runs a radio
show centering around the proliferation of your personal data.
In doing this, he makes himself a lightning rod for all sorts of madness. On the
whole, quite an impressive pedigree. This collection is only a small part of all
the files he's written; if I can find an easy way to get them all, I'll put them
up. All intelligently written and worth a read.
<P>
<TABLE WIDTH=100%>
<TD BGCOLOR=#00FF00><FONT COLOR=#000000><B>Filename</B><BR></FONT></TD>
<TD BGCOLOR=#00DD00><FONT COLOR=#000000><B>Size</B><BR></FONT></TD>
<TD BGCOLOR=#00AA00><FONT COLOR=#000000><B>Description of the Textfile</B><BR></TD></TR>
<tab indent=60 id=T><br>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FULLDISC/blue.txt">blue.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 27648<BR><TD> The Death of the Blue Box
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FULLDISC/court.txt">court.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 11520<BR><TD> No Protection for U.S. Citizens
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FULLDISC/doggie.txt">doggie.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 25984<BR><TD> The Great American Dog Trial Vendetta, by P. Remington Adams
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FULLDISC/edit.txt">edit.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8704<BR><TD> There's Gotta Be a Better Way, by Glen Roberts and Bill Vajk
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FULLDISC/freq.txt">freq.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7424<BR><TD> Surveillance Frequency Selection
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FULLDISC/hopp.txt">hopp.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 10624<BR><TD> new FBI Attempts at Secure Communication
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FULLDISC/nag.txt">nag.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8064<BR><TD> The War on Privacy Hits You in the Pocket Book!
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FULLDISC/news.txt">news.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8832<BR><TD> The IRS is Here to Protect Our Rights
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FULLDISC/ntia.txt">ntia.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8960<BR><TD> Surveillance Conference Overview
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FULLDISC/post22.txt">post22.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5888<BR><TD> Mail Surveillance
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FULLDISC/postal.txt">postal.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3200<BR><TD> Inside the Postal Mail Cover
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FULLDISC/ripco.txt">ripco.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 13184<BR><TD> Dr. Ripco Seizure
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FULLDISC/sells.txt">sells.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7296<BR><TD> Surveillance Equipment Buys
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FULLDISC/spy.txt">spy.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7261<BR><TD> The Cell Structure of the Spy Network
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FULLDISC/surv.txt">surv.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7552<BR><TD> The World of Surveillance
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FULLDISC/trash.txt">trash.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5888<BR><TD> Dumpster Diving
</TABLE><P><TABLE WIDTH=100%><TR><TD ALIGN=RIGHT><SMALL>There are 16 files for a total of 168,029 bytes.</SMALL></TABLE><P>
</BODY>
</HTML>

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<HTML>
<TITLE>T E X T F I L E S</TITLE>
<BODY BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#000000" LINK="#000000" ALINK="#004400" VLINK="#004400">
<H1>Electronic Magazines: Full Disclosure</H1>
<P>
Glen Roberts is one angry man. Concerned about the nature of privacy and personal
information online, he has created a ton of newsletters and even runs a radio
show centering around the proliferation of your personal data.
In doing this, he makes himself a lightning rod for all sorts of madness. On the
whole, quite an impressive pedigree. This collection is only a small part of all
the files he's written; if I can find an easy way to get them all, I'll put them
up. All intelligently written and worth a read.
<P>
<TABLE WIDTH=100%>
<TD BGCOLOR=#000000><FONT COLOR=#FFFFFF><B>Filename</B><BR></FONT></TD>
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<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="blue.txt">blue.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 27648<BR><TD> The Death of the Blue Box
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="court.txt">court.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 11520<BR><TD> No Protection for U.S. Citizens
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="doggie.txt">doggie.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 25984<BR><TD> The Great American Dog Trial Vendetta, by P. Remington Adams
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="edit.txt">edit.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8704<BR><TD> There's Gotta Be a Better Way, by Glen Roberts and Bill Vajk
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="freq.txt">freq.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7424<BR><TD> Surveillance Frequency Selection
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="hopp.txt">hopp.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 10624<BR><TD> new FBI Attempts at Secure Communication
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="nag.txt">nag.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8064<BR><TD> The War on Privacy Hits You in the Pocket Book!
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="news.txt">news.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8832<BR><TD> The IRS is Here to Protect Our Rights
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="ntia.txt">ntia.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8960<BR><TD> Surveillance Conference Overview
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="post22.txt">post22.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5888<BR><TD> Mail Surveillance
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="postal.txt">postal.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3200<BR><TD> Inside the Postal Mail Cover
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="ripco.txt">ripco.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 13184<BR><TD> Dr. Ripco Seizure
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="sells.txt">sells.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7296<BR><TD> Surveillance Equipment Buys
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="spy.txt">spy.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7261<BR><TD> The Cell Structure of the Spy Network
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="surv.txt">surv.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7552<BR><TD> The World of Surveillance
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="trash.txt">trash.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5888<BR><TD> Dumpster Diving
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DEATH OF THE BLUE BOX
COPYRIGHT (C) 1991 BY FULL DISCLOSURE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
This article will provide an historical review of the problem of ``Blue Box''
telecommunications fraud. A blue box being the street name of one, of several
electronic devices designed to allow the user to place free, long distance
telephone calls. The information presented here consists of excerpts from the
1970's National Wiretap Commission Hearings. In some cases, answers that had
clarifying questions interspersed have been merged together without the
extraneous questions for clarity and space reasons.
The excerpts from the following witnesses are used here: Neil Beller,
Division Attorney, Central Telephone Company of Nevada; Michael Simon,
Special Agent, Federal Bureau of Investigation, Las Vegas; and Karl
Berolzheimer, Central Telephone Utilities and Utilities Corporation Counsel;
William Caming, Attorney, American Telephone and Telegraph. Other individuals
are members of the Commission.
Mr. Feldman: Mr. Beller, would you tell us how many investigations you were
involved in and the approximate period of time?
Mr. Beller: From April 22, 1973, to October 15 of 1973, we gave approximately
32 numbers to the FBI.
Mr. Feldman: . . . What does that indicate?
Mr. Beller: We had reason to believe individuals were using some sort of
device on their telephones.
Mr. Feldman: Would you state on what basis you had that belief?
Mr. Beller: We have a computer print out, a copy of which I have here, which
was for selected numbers. These are toll-free network numbers, and studying
these numbers and ascertaining where the called number was, we had reason to
believe that the person was using a foreign device.
The reason for that is that some of the numbers that were called were
numbers, for example, to New York information, or the information office at
TWA. And it is not logical for a person to talk to TWA for 20 minutes or a
half-hour.
Based upon that, we would put either a brush recorder or at a later date we
subsequently acquired another device, which emitted a tape such as this. And
from that we were able to ascertain that the person was, in fact, using a
foreign device on the telephone line.
Mr. Feldman: Agent Simon, how many cases ultimately resulted from the
information provided you?
Mr. Simon: The resulting investigative cases? We had five cases that were
brought to indictment and subsequent prosecution. We had seven other cases
that, because of the United States Attorney's position, prosecution was
declined. And I will give you one specific example, where an individual made
a blue box which was very unsophisticated in comparison to what Mr. Caming
showed us. This box was approximately two-and-a-half feet long by two feet
wide and about 18 inches tall.
This man made it at home from various electronic parts, and his wife used the
device to call her mother once a week in Miami, Florida.
You have to understand, of course, that we did conduct extensive
investigation to obtain all the facts we could before we presented them to
the United States Attorney.
There were other telephone numbers referred to us by Mr. Beller where we
subsequently obtained affidavits in support of a search warrant and
subsequent search warrant were executed and we had what is known as a ``dry
hole.'' The device was not there.
As we progressed with these investigations we became more sophisticated. We
learn with each one.
Mr. Feldman: If we could concentrate on the successful investigations, I
believe that information came to you as to the FBI from a number of different
sources, indicating that various defendants we using electronic toll fraud
devices. I wonder if I you can state the different ways in which this
information came to your attention.
Mr. Simon: There were three different ways. Mr. Beller would furnish us with
a computer tape printout, and after the issuance of a federal grand jury
subpoena directed to Mr. Beller or his designee, he would furnish us with the
name and address of the individual.
We would then conduct a physical surveillance to determine if that person
actually existed. It is always possible to have aliases. We did run into a
number of instances where an individual who was subscribing to the telephone
company service was not, in fact, the name that was on that card.
So once we established this, and after obtaining a search warrant, we would
notify Mr. Beller.
Mr Beller, in turn, would notify one of the technicians who would tell us
that were was, in fact, a device being utilized on that telephone.
Mr. Simon: The second thing we had was confidential sources of information.
[these were FBI informants who would provide information that electronic toll
fraud was occurring just the same as they'd advise of a gambling offense].
And Mr. Moore was first brought to our attention by a confidential source who
furnished the information to an agent of the FBI, Mr. J. Lawrence Sullivan.
Mr. Moore did not have any of these devices even though he was selling them
in Las Vegas. We were able to pick up Michael Raymond Tullis who was
subsequently tried and convicted for fraud by wire based on the confidential
source information.
Mr. Feldman: So you have computer printout information and informant
information. Was there any other?
Mr. Simon: Yes. On Frank Joseph Masterana -- he had been the subject of a
number of legal Title III wire interceptions by not only the Law Vegas
Division, but other Divisions of the FBI. He was at one time in Macon,
Georgia, for sentencing on one of the gambling cases, at which time
confidential source information was received that he was using in Macon,
Georgia, at that time, a blue box to call Las Vegas.
So bearing in mind and having additional information, two of our Las Vegas
FBI agents, in August of '73, observed Masterana in an open pay telephone
booth making a telephone call with what appeared to be a blue box. But they
couldn't get close enough because he was quite surveillance conscious.
Based up on that and subsequent investigations, we were able to assume that
he was using a blue box, but we couldn't put it all together factually.
In conjunction with advice furnished by Strike Force Attorney James Buff, who
is assigned to the Las Vegas & California, Strike Force Office, we together
with the telephone company, worked out a program whereby if we were able to
come up with the various telephones that Masterana was using to make these
alleged calls, Mr. Duff would give us authority to make an immediate arrest,
providing the telephone company could verify the fact that Masterana was
using an electronic device or a blue box.
Mr. Simon: These were pay telephone booths. What was required was to send
agents out in the field and survey Masterana on a continuous basis to find
out what telephone exchanges he was using.
After several days' work we were able to determine he was using three or four
different exchanges. He was very careful. He would use an open pay phone in a
drug store, for example, that was inside of the drug store, where he could
view the exterior entrances into the drug store, watching for agents. And
because of the size of the city of Las Vegas, it didn't take him very long to
find out who we were. So it was difficult to surveil him.
[Description of methods by phone company to verify use of toll fraud devices
ommitted]
Mr. Feldman: Mr. Beller, once you had verified to your own satisfaction,
using the electronic equipment, that, in fact, electronic toll fraud was
committed on the lines, what did you do?
Mr. Beller: Concurrent with the subpoena from the FBI, we'd typically put on
the recorder that particular individual's line. At that point in time, Mr.
Simon would hand carry over a subpoena for any and all information that we
would have relating to toll fraud. He would ask for the subscriber
information card which denotes the name of the particular person who has the
line, any other information that we might have, which would then be the paper
tape.
Mr Feldman: Agent Simon, I wonder if you could indicate what your next step
was once you had received the information Mr. Beller has described.
Mr. Simon: Once we received the information, again our investigative process
was to verify the fact and physically observe the home or apartment to see
that we had everything correct and based upon that information, I would take
the information furnished by Mr. Beller on the 800 number, the toll free
number, and I would call it that day or the next day to verify the fact that
it was a toll free number to a particular place. In some instances that
number was no longer actually working, but the person utilizing the blue box
would get into the toll free telephone line system and use that number to get
into it.
Then I would take that information and prepare an affidavit in support of a
search warrant. This affidavit was then brought before the U.S. Magistrate
who reviewed it, and through the normal process a search warrant was issued.
Then I would return to my office and contact Mr. Beller and tell him we had a
search warrant at that time.
The next step was that whomever Mr. Beller would designate -- one of their
electronic experts -- would call me and say they had information that this
particular time an electronic device was being used on this telephone.
Mr. Feldman: Was that information gathered by continued use of the TTS-176
(pen register)?
Mr. Beller: Yes.
Mr. Simon: This may have taken two days to prepare. Then there would be
agents in the field and I'd notify them by radio. They had the search
warrant, plus inventories in their possession, and they'd go in the house
with a lawful search warrant and execute it.
Mr. Feldman: And this was the same general procedure used in each of the
cases?
Mr. Simon: With the exception of the Masterana case. In the Masterana case
the Central Telephone Company was able to put on the device after we had
surveyed the phone he had used. If we could tell what exchange Masterana was
using, the telephone company would put on their TTS-176 and be able within
ten minutes to tell us whether he was using an electronic device, the
possession of which was not in violation of the law so he had to be using it.
And as a result, we arrested Masterana in a telephone booth specifically on
October 15, 1973, in a public pay telephone booth, at which time he had two
blue boxes in his possession, the one he was using, together with voluminous
gambling records, and $18,836.53 was confiscated.
Mr. Feldman: In the other four cases, when you executed the search warrant,
who did you find in the premises and did you find a blue box in each house?
Mr. Simon: Yes, in each case. In the Judith Dinah Douglas case, two blue
boxes were found when the search warrant was executed. As a result of this,
she, Douglas, was tried by stipulation of facts and found guilty. She was
sentenced to serve five years in custody of the Attorney General of the
United States on July 2, 1974, provided she'd submit to psychiatric
examination, and come back within 90 days for resentencing.
Subsequently, her case was appealed to the Ninth Circuit on two separate
occasions. The Ninth Circuit upheld the conviction. She has not to my
knowledge begun serving her sentence, nor is she though with her legal
recourse. Apparently she is going to appeal again.
On the Michael Raymond Tullis case, upon execution of the search warrants
based upon confidential source information, we did find one device in his
apartment, and this case when to jury trial.
He subsequently appeared on March 15, 1974, with counsel in Las Vegas and was
sentenced to five years in the custody of the Attorney General, with the
first 90 days to be served in custody, and the balance of the sentence was
suspended and he was placed on probation for the additional period.
In the Frank Victor Scaramuzzo case, with a valid search warrant we recovered
a blue box and went to trial. He was found guilty on March 28, 1974, by the
jury. On May 10, 1974, the United States District Judge in Las Vegas
suspended the sentence and placed him on three years' probation.
At this time, he also ordered that Moore make restitution to the Central
Telephone Company.
He filed a notice of appeal to the Ninth Circuit and the Ninth Circuit upheld
the conviction.
The last matter was David Louis Goldberg and H. Jordan Rabstein. In this
particular matter, in the fall of 1973, we had a court authorized wire
interception on Mr. Goldberg's residence phones. During that period of time,
while we were monitoring and recording, we found on a repetitive basis that
Rabstein would attempt to use the blue box or the electronic device to
circumvent the telephone toll call recording equipment. It was a
sophisticated type of blue box, slightly larger than the one Mr. Caming
presented.
We heard him on numerous occasions make mistakes and because of the slowness
with which he had to manipulate the call numbers, it apparently would not
work successfully. Once in a while he'd complete a call and be completely
elated. Mr. Goldberg, on the other hand, was much more efficient.
Subsequently, Mr. Beller came to us with computer tape printouts, and we went
through our normal process of obtaining an affidavit in support of a search
warrant and subsequently a search warrant and executing the same, at which
time we found the blue box in his residence, next to his night stand, which
he had access to -- his wife would, too, but he was the one who normally used
it. Also also we were able to seize three illegal, unregistered firearms that
he had in the apartment.
Mr. Goldberg, subsequently, together with Mr. Rabstein and with counsel, were
charged with violation of the Title 18 Sections 1084 and 1343 of the United
States Code. And they appeared and entered a plea of guilty.
They were subsequently sentenced on August 18, 1974, at which time Goldberg
was sentenced to one year in custody of the Attorney General of the United
States for violation of Section 1343, and Goldberg was placed on one year
probation for violation of Title 18, Section 1084, both sentences to run
consecutively.
Mr. Feldman: Agent Simon, you have already indicated that Section 1343 does
not specifically prohibit the possession of blue boxes.
Mr. Simon: To my knowledge, the manufacture or possession.
Mr. Feldman: And in all cases, expect the Masterana case, I assume, you
arrived there sometime after the call had been concluded?
Mr. Simon: It was circumstantial.
Mr Feldman: That is my point. The evidence on which convictions were
subsequently obtained was circumstantial.
Mr. Simon: That is right.
Mr. Feldman: I wonder if you can describe the type of circumstantial evidence
that was used in these cases?
Mr. Simon: We had the computer print out and the TTS-176 tapes -- not only
that was previously given to us but that day, of the time, the Central
Telephone Company had the TTS-176 installed on that phone or particular
phones. That became part of the evidence we presented. Plus the fact that
these people were the only ones in the apartment when the search warrant was
executed helped us, of course.
In one instance, in the Scaramuzzo case, he called his attorney in the
presence of Special Agent John Kinsinger -- and I am going to paraphrase what
Scaramuzzo said. He said, ``They caught me with one of them things,'' or
``They caught me with one of them boxes and I was using it.''
What he was saying is he had just set it down when the agents entered the
room. And he set it down to answer the door and the phone was off the hook.
We were able to introduce this and it was very strong
Mr Feldman: And that was the basis on which convictions were obtained?
Mr. Simon: That is correct.
Mr. Berolzheimer: I want to make clear that Central Telephone Company,
although it operates in nine states, has only had experience with this
problem is Las Vegas. We only have experience in one area. You will notice
from the material we have submitted to the Commission it all occurred during
a relatively short period of time in 1973. It deals with one community, Las
Vegas, which has relatively compact and flat geography with wide streets and
low buildings.
It also happens to be the center of legalized gambling which also attracts a
certain amount of illegal gambling and transmission of gambling information.
So we have in Las Vegas a combination of unique circumstances, in including
its geography, its size, the interest of both the FBI and the prosecuting
agency; I think also the existence of a grand jury and the ability of the FBI
to obtain search warrants.
We also had cooperation between the telephone company and the FBI, as has
been described by the witnesses, with surveillance and radio control, so that
they could swoop in and get the blue box.
I don't know, because we don't have the experience, but I certainly can
conceive it would be most difficult to obtain that kind of evidence in a
major metropolitan area. I just don't think you could coordinate it that
well. Your ease of movement wouldn't be the same. Your distances would be
greater; you'd have different kinds of courts.
And I'm not convinced, although we were successful -- that is the United
States Attorney was successful -- in securing convictions in these six cases,
without positive identification of the user, I don't know that the evidence
would be convincing in every court. It had not become a critical issue in the
cases tried in Las Vegas, but I can conceive of a court taking the position
that without voice identification of the user a conviction could not be
obtained.
Mr. Westin: . . . Do you believe these techniques would not be feasible in a
large metropolitan center or under conditions that vary from the Las Vegas
one?
Mr. Simon: I think all of the comments were very valid. Because of the fact
that I spent ten years in Chicago, I can only express an opinion, but I can't
conceive of this working in an apartment complex, a high rise, third floor
walk up. I think it would be almost impossible. If the technology was
available we might be able to proceed, but I do not think we could enter the
residence within from one to five minutes after the telephone company says
``The electronic device is being used right know by an unknown party in
Apartment no. so and so.''
I think it would be almost impossible to have the physical surveillance work
because of the largeness of the metropolitan area. I think it would be almost
impossible to surmount. I just don't know how it could be done.
Mr Hodson: . . . does Bell also use the system we have just heard about?
Mr. Caming: First, I might like to say, Mr. Hudson, I am in general agreement
with everything said by Mr. Simon and the gentlemen from Central Telephone.
In fact, we agree completely. And we have found in a number of cases where
we, too, have been fortunate because of proximity and circumstances in the
thousand or so cases we have been involved in in the last decade, if we could
catch them using it or in circumstances very close to that, as Mr. Simon so
ably described in one or two of the cases, then we either would obtain a plea
of guilty or they would be found guilty.
But we have found in the majority of our cases, and those that are the
greatest problem to the industry as a whole, that we have not been able to
have such a happy admixture of factual circumstances. And let me give you
three cases just as an example of what we have been through.
Problems of identification have been very great. We had one recently that we
received invaluable help from law enforcement authorities on. And I might
generally say that over the years, in many areas, not not only electronic
fraud, the cooperation of the Bureau has been consistently outstanding. And I
think it is worthy to express what is a personal feeling but a tribute to
their industry and dedication. As far as one case, it is a case that might be
denominated -- the Bremson Case -- only because he was one of the original
architects. Since time is of the essence, I will quickly synopsis it. It
involved the general cooperation of 14 Bell Telephone companies and two
General Telephone companies between December 1971 and September 1972.
I will just name the cities that were principal cities: Minneapolis,
Cleveland, Houston, Dallas, Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Atlanta, Washington,
DC, Chicago, Detroit, Des Monies, Memphis, St Paul, Miami, New York, Denver,
Knoxville, New Orleans, Milwaukee -- among others.
We finally resulted in gathering evidence -- as you can see, this was a very
widespread conspiracy of manufacturers, nationwide distributors, and users
such as businessmen. The purpose was to not only very substantially
manufacture and distribute blue boxes, but to use them in an extensive number
of businesses where you might have offices populated by a large number of
people, and where it was virtually impossible to maintain surveillance of any
intimate character.
Also, these people used them at homes scattered throughout a large area.
It finally resulted in 20 arrests, 19 indictments, at least 14 convictions --
a number of investigations are still going on.
In another case, to show you how cogent the problem is, financier Bernard
Kornfeld was involved. He apparently had a home with I understand was huge,
something like 90-odd rooms, in the California area. There was a large number
of people, both male and female, constantly in and out of there. There were
indications from various sources of some use by somebody of blue boxes in
some parts of this rather cavernous place.
Finally, it resulted in apprehension by chance of one of the secretaries
using the blue box, and she was arrested on January 28 of 1975. The question
of identification could not have been made except for the very limited voice
recording.
It ultimately resulted in the seizure of two boxes. And even with all that,
it took six months more to develop the case, to indict Mr. Kornfled on June
5, 1975, by a federal grand jury in Los Angeles, some six months later, for
making 344 calls to Europe over a period of time.
The witnesses at offered a solution to the problem. The following is the
statute they proposed:
``Fraudulent Communication Devices.<R> ``(a) Whoever willfully<R> ``(1) sends
through the mail, or sends or carries in interstate or foreign commerce,
or<R> ``(2) imports or otherwise brings into the United States or any
territory or possession under its control or jurisdiction, or<R> ``(3) makes,
assembles or possesses, or<R> ``(4) sells, gives or otherwise transfers to
another, or<R> ``(5) offers, or places in any newspaper, magazine, handbill
or other publication any advertisement, to sell, give or otherwise transfer
to another, or<R> ``(6) purchases or in any other manner obtains, receives or
conceals,<R> ``any electronic, mechanical or other device, instrument,
apparatus or equipment or plans, specifications, instructions or other
information for making, assembling or using any such device, instrument,
apparatus or other equipment, or publishing any such plans, specifications,
instructions or other information,<R> ``with intent to use it, or knowing or
having reason to know that it is intended to be used or that its design
renders it primarily useful, to obtain any communication service from a
communication common carrier,<R> ``by rearranging, tampering with, or making
any unauthorized connection, whether physically, electronically,
acoustically, inductively, or otherwise to, any telephone instrument,
equipment or facility of any such communication common carrier, to avoid the
payment, in whole or in part, of the lawful charge for such communication
service, or to from any such communication common carrier or from any lawful
authority the existence or place of origin or termination of any
communication,<R> ``or by using any communication service knowing or having
reason to know that such rearrangement, tampering or connection existed at
the time of use,<R> ``shall be fined not more than $1,000 or imprisoned not
more than five years or both.
The first amendment aspects of this statute were brought up, but due to a
lack of time were not addressed in any detail. The whole problem of this type
of fraud and statutes to deal with it became moot when industry step in and
plugged the technological holes. In a February 1990 article in SECURITY
MANAGEMENT in discussing the problem, aptly noted that ``[i]t took a series
of innovative technological developments by the Bell System to defeat them.''
Today, the attempts to solve the unauthorized access of computers and current
day telecommunication fraud parallel the blue box situation. They will be
equally ineffective.
Even a statutory change to reduce the burden on law enforcement agencies
would have still necessitated an on going investigation, prosecution and
incarceration program sufficient to deal with many thousands of individuals
using toll fraud devices. Nonetheless, there still exists today a periodical
based in blue box technology and mentality. It is called 2600.
The above is reprinted from Full Disclosure Newspaper. Subscribe today and
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NO PROTECTION FOR U.S. CITIZENS
This article is reprinted from Full Disclosure. Copyright (c) 1986
Capitol Information Association. All rights reserved. Permission is hereby
granted to reprint this article providing this message is included in its
entirety. Full Disclosure, Box 8275-CI3, Ann Arbor, Michigan 48107. $15/yr.
The Minimization Procedure required by the Foreign Intelligence
Surveillance Act (50 U.S.C. 1801) offers no protection to United States
Citizens.
The U.S. government's secret spy court authorized under the Foreign
Intelligence Surveillance Act is used by intelligence agencies (CIA, FBI,
NSA, etc) to obtain authorization to electronically spy on foreign powers and
their agents within the United States.
The Act requires a minimization procedure to be followed with respect to
information obtained on U.S. persons in the course of the surveillance. When
a law enforcement agency seeks to electronically surveil a suspected criminal
they are required to demonstrate probable cause that a crime has been or will
be committed in order to obtain a search warrant. However, for an
intelligence agency to obtain a warrant from the United States Foreign
Intelligence Court (USFISC), they only need to demonstrate probable cause
that the target is a foreign power or an agent of a foreign power. That is
to obtain a warrant in a normal Federal or State Court, there must be
evidence of a crime, but to obtain a warrant in the USFISC there merely needs
to be an indication that the target might be associated with a certain class
of people.
To "protect" U.S. persons a minimization procedure is employed with
respect to the disclosure of information obtained during the surveillance of
foreign powers and their agents. Full Disclosure has obtained a copy of a
FBI warrant application filed with the USFISC which details the actual
minimization procedure. According to the application's Exhibit A which
details the procedure:
These procedures apply to the acquisition,
retention, and dissemination of nonpublicly
available communications and other information
concerning unconsenting United States persons
that is collected in the course of electronic
surveillance directed at the telephone
communications of this agent of a foreign power
and oral communications of this agent of a
foreign power...
When the FBI begins the surveillance, they will verify that the telephone
communications lines being intercepted at the residence and business are in
fact the telephone lines of the agent of the foreign power.
The FBI agents who monitor the communications are responsible for
determining if the information "intercepted must be minimized". Further, the
communications of United States persons (this includes discussions of U.S.
persons by foreign powers) will be subject to "continuing analysis to
establish categories of communications that are not pertinent to the
authorized purpose of the surveillance". The categories are to be
established after a reasonable period of monitoring the communications of the
foreign power. No information was provided which would indicate that
information categorized as not pertinent would be stored, processed or
disseminated any differently than pertinent information.
Access to information obtained regarding United States persons is to be
under strict controls. Use of the information is restricted to FBI
supervisory, investigative, and clerical personnel who have a need to know
the information for "foreign intelligence or law enforcement" purposes. Any
information which contains evidence of a criminal offense is retained until a
decision is rendered by prosecutive officials, and if the United States
person is prosecuted the information will be retained until the end of the
prosecution.
To further "protect" United States persons information regarding them
won't be disseminated without their consent, unless the information is
"evidence of a crime which has been, is being, or is about to be committed".
Such information can be disseminated to "Federal, state, local, or foreign
officials or agencies with law enforcement responsibility for the crime".
Information regarding U.S. persons which is not evidence of a crime, but
which reasonably appears to be foreign intelligence information can be
disseminated in a "manner which identifies United States persons only for
authorized foreign intelligence, foreign counterintelligence,
countersabotage, and international terrorism, or law enforcement purposes".
So far, there is little minimization (or protection) of information
regarding United States persons which was obtained in a manner inconsistant
with the Fourth Amendment warrant requirements. The last sentence of the
Exhibit appears to set forth the only protection afforded the United States
person:
Any information acquired from electronic
surveillance of the target of a foreign power
which is disseminated for law enforcement
purposes shall be accompanied by a statement
that such information or any information
derived therefrom, may only be used in a
criminal proceeding with the advance
authorization of the Attorney General.
Prior to the passage of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, George
Hasen, Chairman of the Committee on Civil Rights wrote a letter to Senator
Inouye outlining this very problem. The text of his letter follows:
Dear Senator Inouye: We understand that your Committee has received from
the Committee on Federal Legislation of the Association of the Bar of the
City of New York its critique of the provisions of the proposed Foreign
Intelligence Surveillance Act of 1977 (S. 1506). Our Committee on Civil
Rights associates itself, generally, with that critique, but we disagree with
it in one important respect.
Both the Committee on Federal Legislation and the Committee on Civil
Rights are concerned because the standards imposed by S. 1566 for obtaining a
warrant to engage in electronic surveillance do not, in some instances,
require a probable cause showing of criminal conduct. It is the considered
judgment of the Committee on Civil Rights that a CRIMINAL STANDARD IS
ESSENTIAL to the bill and, unlike the Committee on Federal Legislation, we
believe that unless S. 1566 is amended to provide such a standard, it should
not be enacted.
We think that is important to remember why this legislation is needed.
Clearly it is not needed to empower government agencies to carry on
electronic surveillance. Rather, the need is for legislation which will
limit and control electronic surveillance and the consequent government
intrusion into the private lives of American Citizens. The findings of
Congressional committees which over the last several years have investigated
intelligence agency abuses HAVE MADE THIS ABUNDANTLY CLEAR. Based on such
findings, the Church Committee specifically concluded that no American should
"be targeted for electronic surveillance except upon a judicial finding of
probable criminal activity" and, further, that targeting "an American for
electronic surveillance in the absence of probable cause to believe he might
commit a crime, is unwise and unnecessary." (Intelligence Activities and the
Rights of Americans, Final Report of the Select Committee to Study
Governmental Operations with Respect to Intelligence Activities, U.S. Senate,
94th Cong., 2nd Sess. (1976), at 325.)
Further the Supreme Court has warned of the danger to First Amendment
rights inherent in national security surveillances:
"National security cases . . . often reflect a convergence of First and
Fourth Amendment values not present in cases of `ordinary' crime. Though the
investigative duty of the executive may be stronger in such cases, so also is
there greater jeopardy to constitutionally protected speech. `Historically
the struggle for freedom of speech and press in England was bound up with the
issue of the scope of the search and seizure power,' Marcus v. Search
Warrant, 367 U.S. 717, 724 (1961). History abundantly documents the tendency
of Government -- however benevolent and benign its motives -- to view with
suspicion those who most fervently dispute it policies. Fourth Amendment
protections become the more necessary when the targets of official
surveillance may be those suspected of unorthodoxy in their political
beliefs. The danger to political dissent is acute where the Government
attempts to act under so vague a concept as the power to protect `domestic
security.' Given the difficulty of defining the domestic security interest,
the danger of abuse in acting to protect that interest becomes apparent.'
United States v. United States District Court, 407 U.S. 297, 313 (1971).
Notwithstanding these warnings, S. 1566 would permit the electronic
surveillance of United States citizens and other persons for 90 days or more
without any showing that they are engaged in, or likely to be engaged in,
criminal activity. Section 2521(b)(2)(B)(iv)/1 would go even further and
would permit the electronic surveillance of individuals who "knowingly" aid
and abet persons whose conduct may be entirely lawful.
Surely, the burden of justifying such a departure from basic Fourth
Amendment principles -- if indeed it can be justified -- ought to be on the
proponents of such provisions. And, surely, they ought to be able to specify
precisely those lawful activities of American citizens which are so vital to
the safety of the nation that the Government must be permitted to
surreptitiously gather information about them and, worse, to do so by such an
intrusive method as electronic surveillance. In our opinion, however, two
Attorneys General have been unable to sustain that burden, and the few
examples are simply unconvincing. In our view, the necessity of a
non-criminal standard has not been demonstrated, and it should, therefore, be
rejected.
There is another and perhaps even more important reason why such a
standard should not be accepted. If, in this first legislative attempt to
control searches in national security matters, Congress authorizes the most
intrusive and least precise of techniques -- electronic surveillance -- where
no crime is involved, what justification will there be for barring in similar
situations more specific methods such as surreptitious entry and mail
openings? And if a non-criminal standard is necessary to protect the
national security where the connection with a foreign power can be as tenuous
as that provided in S. 1566, what arguments can be made against a similar
standard in domestic situations where the perceived danger to national
security may be just as great?
S. 1566 represents in some respects an advance over earlier proposals,
but in out view, IF A NON-CRIMINAL STANDARD IS RETAINED, ENACTMENT OF THIS
LEGISLATION WILL LEGITIMIZE THE VERY CONDUCT IT OUGHT TO PROHIBIT AND WILL
CONSTITUTE A SERIOUS BLOW TO CIVIL LIBERTIES.
If permitted by your procedures, it would be appreciated if this letter
were made a part of the record of the hearings of your Committee on this
bill. [emphassis added]
/1 This section was passed into law.
part of the record of the hearings of your Committee on this
bill. [

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The Great American Dog Trial Vendetta!
By P. Remington Adams
COPYRIGHT (C) 1991 BY FULL DISCLOSURE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Several years ago, one Clayton Longacre was present at the scene of a heinous
crime that was to result in a notorious jury trial known to the bureaucrats
in the 9-1 District Courthouse in Kalamazoo County, Michigan, as the ``Dog
Trial Vendetta''.
Now, this might require a bit of explanation for the uninitiated. You see,
any time someone is charged with a violation of animal control ordinances our
public servants call it a ``dog trial''; when someone pleads ``not guilty''
and asks for a jury trial it becomes a ``vendetta''. I concur that vendetta
is the appropriate term; however, I assert that it is the judicial work group
(clerks, officers, prosecutor, and judge) and not the defendant which turns
the process into a vendetta.
The judicial work group is less interested in the innocence or guilt of the
defendant than it is in seeing that the case is disposed of quickly and
efficiently. To expedite this, the defendant is expected to take the citation
``to the teller window downstairs'' and pay the fine without question. That
is the quickest and most profitable way to dispose of these cases.
The Honorable Judge ``Jessie'' James Presiding:
The dog vendetta came to trial in the spring of 1989 with Judge Donald James,
one of the great mediocrities of our time, presiding. I have often had
occasion to wonder whether Judge James is related to the infamous Jessie
James. Judge James sometimes engages in unarmed robbery, attempting to steal
justice away from those who choose not to hire an attorney and proceed
instead as pro se litigants.
There is a bureaucratic mentality that pervades the 9-1 Courthouse, hovering
in the air like the stench around a slaughter house. This mentality is
characterized by a lack of social conscience, which results in an emphasis on
cost efficiency and expedience, rather than on justice.
The criminal justice system in Kalamazoo has acquired an assembly line
mentality with respect to civil infractions and misdemeanors. On this
assembly line, the attitude is that only a trouble maker would have the
audacity to plead ``Not Guilty''; only a radical, embarking on a personal
vendetta, would request a jury trial. These people are obviously attempting
to harass the court and deprive it of cost efficiency. Anyone who won't plea
bargain is considered an unreasonable person or a lunatic.
What Is A Reasonable Person?
According to this demented sense of justice, which I refer to as ``slaughter
house logic'', a reasonable person is expected to simply pay the fine or plea
bargain. Rational, reasonable Americans are not supposed to be concerned with
liberty, justice, the constitutionality of laws, innocence and guilt, nor
even the preservation of their own good names. A reasonable person is
expected to assess the situation in the short term and follow the course of
least immediate expense. The fines are low enough that it would be more
expensive to hire an attorney.
Unreasonable people are herded into the courtroom like sheep, along with
dozens of other people awaiting arraignments and court hearings. Typically
the court has a session in the morning and another in the afternoon. As many
as a hundred cases may be scheduled collectively by means of group
appointments. (For example, sixty people may all be given 9 a.m.
appointments). Consequently people may sit for hours, all day or longer, in
order to eventually stand in front of a judge for five minutes or so.
Obviously, if you consider your time to be worth even the minimum wage, it is
cheaper to pay the fine or plea bargain than it is to submit to hearings,
more hearing, legal fees and the whole trial process. The system is designed
to encourage guilty pleas in exchange for allowing the defendant to get on
with the more important things in their lives in the shortest time possible.
Justice Or Cost Efficiency: Which is The Reasonable Expectation
According to ``slaughter house logic'', people who place value on innocence,
liberty, legal justice, and the constitution, people who are opposed to the
inhumanity and injustice of assembly line justice, are considered
unreasonable, irrational people. These priorities suggest to the proponents
of assembly line justice a possible emotional or mental imbalance, because it
is more efficient, expedient, and cost effective for everyone concerned, if
the defendant presents a quick and inexpensive guilty plea. The court makes
its money, the lawyers make their money, and the defendant saves a great deal
in time, grief, and legal fees.
Trouble makers, radicals, and other irrational people who insist that the
system render justice and protect civil liberties are seen as harassing the
court by wasting time and money that could better be used to rapidly and
profitably process the cases of more reasonable people. Since the radicals
don't hire attorneys they are also seen as harassing the bar association and
stealing food from the mouths of attorney's little children.
If not for the basic apathy of the average U.S. citizen, this system could
not exist. A few hours spent in a court room will demonstrate that the
innocent frequently plead guilty because it's easier. None-the-less,
prosecutors are often frustrated by the naive inability of these people to
lie properly about their guilt for the court record. In order to obtain an
acceptable admission of guilt for the court record, the innocent often have
to be taken out of court and coached by a prosecutor or their attorney in
order to commit perjury properly.
The District Judge's Interest In The Matter
Judge James mentioned during the proceedings that it costs at least $500 per
day to operate the court. Judges must maintain an awareness of cost. If their
court isn't cost effective the state may decide that the inefficient judge is
not earning his or her $90,000 per year salary. In addition, in Michigan, a
small percentage of the each fine levied goes into the judicial pension fund.
The more expediently the cases are handled, the more money is sent to the
fund.
Origins of the Dog Trial Vendetta
May 1987. County law enforcement officials have been keeping a house located
on Glendale Street in Kalamazoo under observation for days. What heinous
crime against the state is in progress there? What infraction of enormous
social consequence has come to the attention of the county?
Two female springer spaniels are alleged to be harbored in that house. These
scalawags are without current (1987) Kalamazoo County dog licenses!
The dynamic growth industry that is Kalamazoo law enforcement is about to
launch a fervent attempt to bring justice to the vicious criminal who is
harboring the spaniels. He is clearly a major threat to the public welfare
and to the criminal justice process itself!
This man not only harbors illegal dogs but, a matter of much greater
importance, he will have the audacity to go on record in district court to
plead ``Not Guilty''; he will have the temerity to refuse to plea bargain;
and he will have the gall to demand an inexpedient and costly jury trial!
This trouble maker is clearly intent on engaging in a full blown personal
vendetta.
The Real Culprit was not Apprehended and is Still at Large
What the County Animal Control Officers didn't know was that I was living at
the house at Glendale Street. Clayton owned the house, and several other
properties as well. He did stay at the house occasionally, but he was in the
process of relocating to Washington to attend law school near his fiancee.
I was house sitting for Clayton and running a tree service, using his house
as an office. Since he was moving, Clayton had to find homes for Snoopy and
Sammy, his AKC registered springer spaniels. I paid $100 for the dogs in
April, but the dogs hadn't gotten their state required licenses yet. I had
frequently asked Snoopy and Sammy to get their licenses, but they just never
got around to it.
I had noticed the PRK animal control officers sneaking around the house
earlier in the week (May 13, 1987) so I took the dogs to the company garage,
which is in a quarry out in the country. I was also careful not to park in
the driveway or in front of the house where my car would be associated with
the occupants of the house and I could be traced by my plate numbers.
I should have gotten the ticket, but I am too intelligent to answer the door
when the brown shirted, fascist, animal control officers come visiting. The
code says that, even if your dogs have gotten their licenses, if you don't
have them ready to show to the animal control officer at the time you are
asked to, you can still be ticketed for ``failure to show.'' Now, my mother
didn't raise a fool. My dogs had not yet gotten their licenses. I was,
consequently, not going to answer my door to talk to the dog gestapo. As far
as I'm concerned, the ``animal control officers'' are public welfare bums
with badges--social parasites on the dole--whose sole purposes are to raise
revenue and to bother citizens.
I don't approve of preventive law. I think it would be better to require dog
owners to have tags and shots for their dogs. If a dog actually bites
someone, is running loose, or damages property, and if the dog doesn't have
tags and/or shots, then it becomes appropriate to pick up the dog and cite
the owner for a real crime with a real victim and real injury or damage.
Unfortunately, this kind of rational law would raise fewer revenues and
provide fewer high paying jobs for the friends, cousins, and political
lackeys of the bureaucrats and politicians of Kalamazoo county.
The Scene of the Crime
On Saturday, May 16, 1987, Clayton pulled into the driveway at the house on
Glendale Street and a county animal control officer pulled in behind him,
blocking his way out. As a highly trained and skilled law enforcement
observer, the animal control officer concluded that because Clayton was in
the driveway he must be a resident, and he must, therefore, be the owner of
the dogs (who were no longer in residence).
Clayton requested that the officer move her truck, explaining that he was
late for an appointment.
``I'd like to talk to you about the dogs.'' the officer replied.
``What dogs?'' Clayton asked.
``We can do this the easy way or the hard way.'' the officer said.
``Do it any way you like, just move the truck so I can get out of here.''
Clayton responded.
Acting on instincts honed by years of professional justice experience, the
officer determined that Clayton was the mastermind behind this heinous plot
to harbor dogs without a license. It wasn't really necessary to verify that
there were indeed dogs in the back yard. Nor was it necessary to knock on the
door, or to talk to the neighbors, to see who actually lived there. Why
bother to check with the post office or consult the phone book about who was
living at that address? After all, the crime had been solved by trained
observation combined with keen deductive reasoning and logic.
The man was obviously guilty. When a highly trained animal control officer
asked him a question he had refused to talk, and then had asked her to get
out of his way because she was blocking his driveway. Consequently Clayton
was traced through his vehicle plates, and received through the mail a
citation for ``failure to show a license upon request.''
Clayton presented a copy of the bill of sale to the prosecutor to prove that
he had sold the dogs. The prosecutor assured Clayton that the charges would
be dropped and that it would be unnecessary for him to attend the pre-trial
conference. As it happened the charges were not dropped that day. The
prosecutor misplaced the bill of sale. A bench warrant was issued against
Clayton Longacre for ``failure to appear.''
In February, 1989, Clayton returned to Michigan to clear up some personal
matters and to finish his senior thesis for Kalamazoo College. While he was
here, he was set up to attend an informal, late afternoon meeting with the
township police regarding a zoning dispute. When he appeared for the meeting,
Clayton was arrested on the bench warrant for failure to appear. The
arresting officer requested a $200 cash bond, and Clayton's ability to obtain
bail was hampered by the arrival of the end of the work day. Fortunately,
Clayton was able to reach, at home, a sympathetic judge who ordered his
release on personal recognizance after only 30 minutes in jail.
Prosecutorial and Judicial Indiscretions
The case had been assigned to a new prosecutor. Clayton refused to plea
bargain, complaining that the prosecutor's office had lost the sales receipt
and other exculpatory evidence. Judge James, who was once allegedly voted the
worst judge in Kalamazoo County by the Kalamazoo Trial Lawyers Association,
showed no interest in the lost evidence.
Clayton, who was unemployed, filed a motion for court appointed counsel.
Judge James stated that he doubted that the state would seek incarceration
upon conviction, and on that grounds he denied Clayton counsel.(1)
Clayton also requested that the court advise him of his rights and assist him
in defending himself (called a ``motion for rights sua sponte''). Judge James
also denied this request. Judge James makes a practice of denying counsel and
then holding the defendant to the standards of an attorney.
The inexperienced new prosecutor took a dislike to Clayton and refused to
dismiss the case. Had a more fair minded judge, such as Judge Long, been on
the bench the prosecutor would have had no alternative, but Judge James
dislikes pro se litigants--so Clayton Longacre was going to trial.
The Infamous Dog Trial Begins
In April 1989 the ``dog trial'' of Clayton Longacre began with the
questioning of the jurors (voire dire). Two or three of the jurors were
removed for prejudice when Clayton asked:
``I wouldn't be here today if I hadn't done something wrong, would I?'' Most
of the jurors agreed initially. A few adamantly and tenaciously maintained
that opinion after being coached by Judge James. The Judge informed them that
their point of view was prejudicial and incorrect, and explained to them the
concept of innocent until proven guilty. He then asked them again, and some
of these honest folk could not be convinced to lie about their feelings in
order to stay on the jury.
Another juror was asked whether, given conflicting testimony from an animal
control officer and a citizen, all other things being equal, he would give
preference to the officer. He agreed that he would--because his dad was an
animal control officer. When coached by Judge James and asked the question
again he maintained his original answer.
Now the ``voire dire'' got down to the heart of the case:
Mr. Prosecutor: ``Would anybody here believe that a police officer is being
unreasonable if he pulls a driver over and asks to see his license,
registration, and proof of insurance?''
The jury agreed that this was reasonable.
Mr. Longacre: ``If you were sitting on a park bench in the middle of a park
and an officer walked up to you and asked to see your drivers license,
vehicle registration, and proof of insurance, would you consider that
reasonable?''
The jurors were primarily bewildered by the question--but they would not
forget it, and it was to set the tone for the ensuing trial.
The Defense Surprises the Prosecutorial Work Group
The prosecutor and his accomplice, Judge Donald James, apparently assumed
that Clayton was going to argue that the dog laws are unconstitutional or
unfair. Clayton's defense was, however, much simpler than that. He had a
three point defense:
1) He didn't live at Glendale Street. 2) He didn't own the dogs at the house
on Glendale Street. 3) There were no dogs at the house on Glendale street
on the day of the incident.
Since the crime of which Clayton is accused is ``failure to show a license
upon request'' it is interesting to note that the prosecution neglected to
ask the officer whether she had ever actually asked to see a license. She
hadn't.
Once the prosecutor had rested his case, Clayton moved for a directed verdict
because of the prosecutor's failure to present a prima facie case. He had no
evidence or testimony that the officer ever requested to see a license. Judge
James denied his motion on the grounds that the lack of evidence was a
question of fact for the jury to decide. (One wonders how a jury is to decide
facts when none are in evidence.) As the defenses first witness I testified
that I was living in the house at Glendale in May of 1987 and that I owned
the two dogs that were there in May of 1987. I was asked whether the two dogs
that were there on May 16, 1987, were mine. I testified that there were no
dogs there on May 16, 1987. When I was asked whether I was harboring dogs
without a license I invoked my right to remain silent under the 5th and 14th
Amendments to the U.S. Constitution.
Judge James Loses His Composure
``Oh my God! Get the jury out of here!'' exclaimed Judge James. Both the
prosecutor and the judge were already flustered by how well the defense was
doing, but this was too much!
``Did you know that this man was going to take the fifth amendment?''
demanded the judge.
``Not for sure. He told me he might, but I didn't know for sure.'' replied
the defendant.
``You can't do this! If you were a lawyer, I'd have your license!'' exclaimed
the judge.
The judge and the prosecutor conferred. They were afraid that the jury might
be unduly influenced. The prosecutor asked for a contempt citation and
special instructions to the jury to ignore the statement. The judge declared
a mistrial and sanctioned the defendant $192 in court costs.
I was upset by the rude and prejudicial manner in which this inept judge was
pushing Clayton around, so I told Clayton to notify the court that I was
prepared to waive my right to silence.
Meanwhile, Judge James gave a long diatribe about how my outrageous
invocation of my constitutional rights, coupled with Claytons objections to
being denied due process and to the loss of the exculpatory evidence by the
prosecutor, had irrevocably prejudiced the jury. At the end of the judges
rantings, Clayton informed the court that I was now willing to waive my right
to silence.
James turned red in the face, his lips thinned, his voice raised. He didn't
know what to do. His basis for alleging a mistrial had just been stolen away
from him. How could the jury be prejudiced if the trial resumed and I
answered the question? The prosecutor brought up a concern about double
jeopardy.
After a short break to recover himself, Judge James stated that if either
Clayton or I said a single word he would throw us both in jail for contempt.
While Clayton and I were both angered by the constant verbal abuse and
prejudicial behavior of the court we managed to just smile at him and walk
out.
The Judge rescheduled a new trial for June, 1989. Then the clerk tried to get
Clayton to to pay the fine or make arrangements to pay it, to no avail, of
course. Previously the judge had refused to make the prosecutor provide
evidence that he had ordered at a motion hearing,because a written order was
never entered. Clayton threw the judges own words back at him:
``You stated the court lives and dies by its written orders...write it up so
I can appeal it. You have no lawful authority to assess me court costs.''
After we had calmed down we realized that we had won. James had no authority
to assess us court costs, and we were fairly certain that the double jeopardy
clause to the 5th amendment applied to our case. The double jeopardy clause
provides that no one shall be
``subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or
limb....''
The Double Jeopardy Clause to the Fifth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution
The trial does not have to be complete for the double jeopardy clause to be
in effect. In a jury trial the clause may attach from the moment the jury is
empaneled and sworn.(2) In a bench trial it may attach the moment the first
witness has been sworn.(3)
When a trial is stopped by a motion of the prosecution or of the court, the
Perez test(4) is applied to determine whether double jeopardy applies to bar
further prosecution. If the case is stopped for ``manifest necessity''(for
instance the death of a juror or the judge) there can be a retrial.
When there is reason to believe that the prosecution or the court is using
the superior resources of the state to harass the defendant or to achieve a
tactical advantage, double jeopardy then attaches.(5)
A Case of Prosecutorial Hostility
After declaring a mistrial, the judge suggested that the prosecutor dismiss
the case via ``nolle prosequi''(that is, as a matter of discretion with no
explanation). The prosecutor, however, was determined to go for a new trial.
Clayton and I decided to go on the ``war path''. We began sending letters of
complaint to the attorney grievance committee and to the judicial tenure
commission. We wrote press releases. We prepared a ``Motion to Disqualify
Judge James''. We prepared an appeal, which we planned to file as soon as
James entered his mistrial order. The prosecutor and Judge James capitulated;
the prosecutor's dismissal was signed and entered the same day that we began
filing motions.
Victory!
Clayton Longacre had thwarted the state! He had out fought the nefarious
interests of the collectivist ``new class''(6) and had bested the judicial
work group. To this day, Judge James has not entered a written order to
assess Clayton costs and fees for the mistrial.
Clayton is currently looking for a civil rights attorney to file suit for
abuse of process. Most attorneys aren't interested in these cases because
the damages are not significant enough to make their efforts profitable. If
necessary, Clayton will file pro se. Why? Because there is always the
possibility of a substantial jury award and, in any case, our public servants
need a reminder. It will cost them a lot of money and may effect their
insurance rates adversely.
In this situation a pro se litigant simply can't lose. It is very inexpensive
to file a civil suit. If he wins, Clayton gets compensation and damages. If
he loses, the animal control people will have incurred large legal fees and a
great deal of work in answering depositions and interrogatories--thus
learning an expensive lesson.
Who says you can't beat city hall? Clayton and I do it all the time.
There is nothing quite like issuing subpoenas to bureaucrats and forcing
them to answer your questions at a deposition hearing. It's fun sitting
in a position of superior authority and watching them squirm. Try
it, you'll like it. It can even be profitable on occasion. Is this
a great country or what? Enjoy!
FOOTNOTES:
1. Scott v Illinois, 440 US 367 (1979). If the state waives incarceration as
punishment, an indigent defendant can be denied appointed counsel.
2. Illinois v Somerville, 410 US 458, 35 LEd(2d) 425, 93 SCt 1066 (1973)
3. Serfass v U.S., 420 US 377, 43 LEd(2d) 265, 95 SCt 1055 (1975)
4. U.S. v Perez, 22 US (9Wheat) 579, 6 LEd 165 (1824)
5. Arizona v Washington, 434 US 497, 98 SCt 824, (1978)
6. Sociologists often refer to the managerial administrators, the public
sector, government employees, etc. as the ``new class''. This is the rapidly
growing parasitic sector of the work force that is paid high wages out of
public funds and in return produces nothing of significance or value.
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THERE'S GOTTA BE A BETTER WAY
By Glen Roberts
Bill Vajk
COPYRIGHT (C) 1991 BY FULL DISCLOSURE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
This issue of Full Disclosure is devoted to the current attempts at solving
the problems of computer security through prosecution of computer crimes.
It would appear from the recent activities of the federal government that one
of its major attacks is trying to spread fear throughout the ``hacker''
community. Such a concept will certainly work in a limited number of cases.
However, as the reading of any local newspaper will show, numerous crimes are
committed everyday, criminals are not stopped by the fear of punishment.
The other aspect of the government's fear program appears directed towards
those who have no criminal involvement, who wish to participate in First
Amendment activities by high-technology. Some have been subjected to
punishment without even the allegation of criminal behavior. See related
article titled ``Dr. Ripco Seizure.'' The result is a fear by some of
participating in the First Amendment, not a legitimate goal of law
enforcement or the government.
Reprinted in this issue is a copy a sentencing memorandum filed by the
Government last year in a computer crime case. It portrays the defendants as
particularly ``powerful by'' means of the information they stole. Missing is
the fact that the lax nature of computer security is what actually gave the
defendants power. If the state of computer security been reasonable secure,
the information obtained by defendants (whether legally or not) would have
granted them no extraordinary power.
A primary reason the government seeks incarceration as part of the sentence
is not because of the criminal nature of the defendants activities, but
rather to send ``the message that the hackers around the country need to
hear.'' Unfortunately, the death penalty has failed to stop murder.
The government appears to be more concerned with the free flow of information
than the fact that criminal acts were committed; ``[f]rom the start,
information was stolen and, by definition no longer safeguarded.'' Later
concluding, ``in essence, stolen information equalled power, and by that
definition, all three defendants were becoming frighteningly powerful.''
The concept that information is the crux of the problem is also highlighted
by William Cook, Assistant United States Attorney, Chicago, Illinois in an
article he wrote for the Spring 1990, COMMUNICATOR<M^>*1. He noted that
hackers can ``easily keep up with industry technical developments.'' He also
perceives that hackers are able to easily use prior information to form
attack plans on new computers.
As the Soviet Union moves toward a more open society, the United States is
just as surely closing its windows of communication. The United States has
always been the technological forefront in the world because of the ease of
information flow. Researchers, corporations and individuals have always been
free to group together and exchange information as desired. This has greatly
increased the ability of the United States to make technological advances
quickly.
One can easily see the results by looking at the space programs administered
by NASA. They have resulted in many inventions finding their way quickly into
our economy, including rapid improvements in our exports. A few of the things
that have resulted from NASA's openness with U.S. industry have included: new
applications such as teflon coatings (frying pans and such), inhalation
therapy for lung ailments, teflon coatings for asbestos fiber made into
special apparel for rescue in fires, and many more too numerous to mention.
The phenomenon of information exchange is exactly what William Cook describes
in his article. However, because the ``hackers'' have apparently built or
made use of a highly efficient communications medium they have been able to
advance as quick as corporations which have failed to take devote resources
to advance their informational security. The corporate security departments
should make use of the same hacker communication techniques to work on their
problems and see their use of the ``frightening power'' of information lead
to secure computer systems.
The Communications Fraud Control Association (CFCA) in its published FRAUD
ALERT of June 21, 1990, is concerned that the government may not be able to
stop computer crime, if several organizations promising funding for legal
defense follow through. At risk is the review of several federal and state
statutes for compliance with constitutional guidelines. To date, even with
the presence of one such rights organization, the EFF<M^><MI^>*2, in at least
two federal cases, such a review has thus far been thwarted.
In short, we see the CFCA's position as allowing only two choices: 1) violate
the rights of hackers in order to obtain convictions, or 2) the world will be
runover by a rampage of hacking activities.
Two decades ago, the same problems, but with slightly different technology
was showing its ugly face. The related article in this issue ``The Death of
the Blue Box'' overviews the legal difficulties the government had in
prosecuting those stealing telecommunications services.
Ultimately, the law enforcement efforts to stop blue boxers were by all
practical means of measurement a complete failure. Only a handful of
thousands of offenses were prosecuted. Those prosecutions proved to have no
deterrent effect on others. Just as we will see that the few recent computer
hacker prosecutions will do nothing to stem the flow of current day hacking
and telecommunications fraud.
Prosecution of crimes throught to be victimless does little more than to
strengthen the resolve to not get caught in a very evoluntionary way. The
solution today is the same as it was in the blue box solution. An upgrading
of the technology will prevent the simplistic attacks that are so common. The
first step towards a technological upgrade requires an increase in the
communication between those experiencing compromise of their data.
The CFCA's COMMUNICATOR claims in the February 1990 issue of Security
Management to be the only regular journal on telecommunications crime.
Apparently overlooking, CUD, 2600 and the non defunct Phrack. That is a small
start towards the free flow of information needed by those who are looking
for security solutions for their companies.
*1 Communications Fraud Control Association (CFCA), 7921 Jones Branch Dr,
#300, McLean, Virginia 22102, Phone: (703) 848-9768, Fax: (703) 356-3701. The
association also operates a Consumer Hotline for anyone experiencing phone
fraud.
*2 EFF, The Electronic Frontier Foundation, 155 Second St, Cambridge, MA
02141, Phone: (617) 864-0665, Fax: (617) 864-0866.
The above is reprinted from Full Disclosure Newspaper. Subscribe today and
get interesting articles like the above, plus more... pictures, graphics,
advertisement, and more articles. Full Disclosure is your source for
information on the leading edge of surveillance technology. Print the
following form, or supply the information on a plain piece of paper:
----
Please start my subscription to Full Disclosure for:
[ ] Sample issue, $2.00
[ ] 12 issue subscription, $18.00
[ ] 24 issue subscription, $29.95
With 24 issue susbcription include free one of the following:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance
Also available separately:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers, $6.00
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts, $5.00
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance, $6.00
Illinois residences, add 6.5% sales tax on above 3 items.
Enclosed is payment in the form of:
[ ] Check/Money order, [ ] Visa, [ ] Mastercard
Card no:___________________________________ Exp date:_______
Signature:__________________________________________________
Phone:______________________________________________________
(required for credit card orders)
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Name:_______________________________________________________
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Surveillance Frequency Selection
COPYRIGHT (C) 1991 BY FULL DISCLOSURE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
This article will over techniques of selecting frequency for surveillance
use. This information pertains to lawful surveillance by State and Local
government agencies. Federal agencies are not bound by FCC regulations. Those
not intending to use the technical surveillance information in a criminal
prosecutor might be more apt to hide their operation by using a more obscure
frequency.
The information herein has been derived from ``A Guide For Establishing
Electronic Surveillance Operations,'' distributed by Audio Intelligence
Devices, 1400 NW 62d St, Ft Lauderdale, Florida 33309. Phone: (305) 776-5000,
Fax: (305) 776-5005 at the NATIA conference.
The starting point is the examination of FCC regulations that relate to
surveillance radio operation. FCC Regulation 90.19(g)(3):
``A licensee may use, without special approval from the Commission, any
mobile service frequency between 40 and 952 MHz listed in Subpart B of this
part of the Rules, for communications in connection with physical
surveillance, stakeouts, raids and other such activities. Such use shall be
on a secondary basis to the operations of licensees regularly authorized on
the assigned frequencies. The maximum output power that may be used for such
communications is 2 watts. Transmitters operating under this provision of the
Rules, shall be exempted from the station identification requirements, of
Section 90.425. Use of Public Safety frequencies not listed in paragraph (d)
of this section is conditional on the approval of the coordinator
corresponding to each frequency...''
Three suggestions on selecting a frequency to use within these specifications
are provided:
1) Contacting the Association of Public Communication Officers (APCO)
frequency coordinator and reviewing the options for your area,
2) Using a mobile police scanner to search through the VHF band and make a
list of the used and unused frequencies in your area. Any of the unused ones
that meet the FCC requirements would be usable, or
3) Deriving a list of unused frequency from a police frequency directory and
then using a scanner to make sure they are in fact open.
After selection of a frequency or frequencies, a surveillance user has to
remain aware that it could be assigned to someone in the future requiring
reselection of a surveillance frequency.
Surveillance transmitters used for tracking purposes (vehicle, person, etc)
have a different set of requirements to fulfil. In addition to power output
requirements, there are stricter frequency requirements and the transmitters
must have a ``positive means'' to limit the transmission time to no more than
10 days. The use of battery life is an allowable method to control
transmission time.
Tracking transmitters are required to operate in the following frequency
ranges:
150.999 - 151.490 MHz<R>
153.740 - 154.445 MHz<R>
154.635 - 155.195 MHz<R>
155.415 - 156.250 MHz<R>
158.715 - 159.465 MHz
The following public safety radio frequencies have been allocated by the FCC
for the following services:
Police
154.650 154.665 154.680<R>
154.695 154.710 154.725<R>
154.740 154.770 154.785<R>
154.800 154.815 154.830<R>
154.845 154.860 154.875<R>
154.890 154.905 154.920<R>
154.935 154.950 155.010<R>
155.070 155.130 155.190<R>
155.250 155.310 155.370<R>
155.415 155.430 155.445<R>
155.460 155.475 155.490<R>
155.505 155.535 155.550<R>
155.580 155.595 155.610<R>
155.625 155.640 155.655<R>
155.670 155.685 155.700<R>
155.730 155.790 155.850<R>
155.910 155.970 156.030<R>
156.090 156.150 156.210<R>
158.730 158.790 158.850<R>
158.910 159.030 159.090<R>
159.150 159.210
Local Government
153.740 153.755 153.785<R>
153.800 153.815 153.845<R>
153.860 153.875 153.905<R>
153.920 153.935 153.965<R>
153.980 153.995 154.025<R>
154.040 154.055 154.085<R>
154.100 154.115 154.45625<R>
154.46375 154.47175 154.47875<R>
154.965 154.980 154.995<R>
154.025 154.040 154.055<R>
154.085 155.100 155.115<R>
155.145 155.715 155.745
155.760 155.775 155.805<R>
155.820 155.835 155.865<R>
155.880 155.895 155.925<R>
155.940 155.955 155.985<R>
156.000 156.015 158.745<R>
158.760 158.775 158.805<R>
158.820 158.835 158.865<R>
158.880 158.895 158.925<R>
158.940 158.955 173.20375<R>
173.210 173.2375 173.2625<R>
173.2875 173.3125 173.3375<R>
173.3625 173.390 173.39625
Fire
153.770 153.830 153.890<R>
153.950 154.010 154.070<R>
154.130 154.145 154.160<R>
154.175 154.190 154.205<R>
154.220 154.235 154.250<R>
154.265 154.280 154.295<R>
154.310 154.325 154.340<R>
154.355 154.370 154.385<R>
154.400 154.415 154.430<R>
154.445 166.250 170.150
Highway Maintenance
150.995 151.010 151.025<R>
151.040 151.055 151.070<R>
151.085 151.100 151.115<R>
151.130 156.045 156.060<R>
156.075 156.105 156.120<R>
156.135 156.165 156.180<R>
156.195 156.225 156.240<R>
157.050 157.110 158.985<R>
159.000 159.015 159.045<R>
159.060 159.075 159.105<R>
159.120 159.135 153.165<R>
159.180 159.159
Forest Conservation
151.145 151.160 151.175<R>
151.190 151.205 151.220<R>
151.235 151.250 151.265<R>
151.280 151.295 151.310<R>
151.325 151.340 151.355<R>
151.370 151.385 151.400<R>
151.415 151.430 151.445<R>
151.460 151.475 151.490<R>
159.225 159.240 159.255<R>
159.270 159.285 159.300<R>
159.315 153.330 153.345<R>
159.360 159.375 159.390<R>
159.405 159.420 159.435<R>
159.465 170.425 170.475<R>
170.575 171.425 171.475<R>
171.575 172.225 172.275<R>
172.375
The above is reprinted from Full Disclosure Newspaper. Subscribe today and
get interesting articles like the above, plus more... pictures, graphics,
advertisement, and more articles. Full Disclosure is your source for
information on the leading edge of surveillance technology. Print the
following form, or supply the information on a plain piece of paper:
----
Please start my subscription to Full Disclosure for:
[ ] Sample issue, $2.00
[ ] 12 issue subscription, $18.00
[ ] 24 issue subscription, $29.95
With 24 issue susbcription include free one of the following:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance
Also available separately:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers, $6.00
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts, $5.00
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance, $6.00
Illinois residences, add 6.5% sales tax on above 3 items.
Enclosed is payment in the form of:
[ ] Check/Money order, [ ] Visa, [ ] Mastercard
Card no:___________________________________ Exp date:_______
Signature:__________________________________________________
Phone:______________________________________________________
(required for credit card orders)
My name/address:
Name:_______________________________________________________
Street:_____________________________________________________
City/State/Zip:_____________________________________________
Return to: Full Disclosure, Box 903, Libertyville, Illinois 60048


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NEW FBI ATTEMPTS AT SECURE COMMUNICATION
COPYRIGHT (C) 1991 BY FULL DISCLOSURE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
The FBI has spent many millions of dollars attempting to obtain secure
communications by various voice encryption methods, with limited success.
The GAO Report of March 8, 1988, ``FBI Voice Privacy, Cost, Status, and
Future Direction'' provides much insight into the difficulties the FBI has
had establishing a secure communications system.
The FBI's original estimate for establishing a digial voice protection system
was $79.3 million.
The March 8th report indicates that ``[b]ecause the FBI's estimated savings
cited in the table are very preliminary and are not supported by formal field
surveys or other documentation, we continue to believe that the $204.4
million and the latest $205.8 million estimate for the nationwide voice
privacy program appear to be unrealistic.''
A big part of the major cost overrun was a lack of technological review of
what they were getting into.
``Our Feburary 1987 report explains that the technological impact of range
loss on the DVP system was one factor that increased the FBI cost estimates
from $79.3 million to $204.4 million. In the report, we say that `the FBI
recognized in its 1979 to 1981 research that the communications range of DVP
technology was less than the range of the old, unsecure system, but it did
not consider the impact of this reduction.' The FBI says that this statement
is `totally in error because we did recognize range loss and did consider its
impact.
``In a follow-up discussion, a key FBI official who is knowledgable about the
voice privacy cost estimate process told us that the FBI did not consider
range loss in the $79.3 million estimate and emphasized that an engineering
consultant firm developed the estimate as part of a comparison of analog
versus digital voice privacy technologies. According to this official, range
loss was not serious considered until the FBI prepared the $132.4 million
estimate. The FBI says that its methodology for developing the $132.4 million
estimate included doubled the number of repeaters to compensate for the DVP
range loss.
However, a 1984 from the Deputy Assistant Director, Technical Services
Division, the following range loss problems were described: ``The Motorola
DVP/DES [Data Encryption Standard] system has a loss in range as a penalty
for the effectiveness of the digital voice privacy. Experience in the six
cities has demonstrated that to equal the existing geographic coverage, there
is an 80%-100% increase in so called fixed station equipment (e.g. repeaters,
cross band sites, and backbone equipment).''
Much of the FBI's difficults seems to be from a lack of proper management.
According to the GAO report, ``[d]uring our review, we could not find any
evidence that a long range plan for the nationwide DVP program had been
prepared, and FBI officials confirmed that a written plan did not exist. The
FBI contends that it was not feasable to prepare a formal plan for the DVP
program, within time and manpower constraints. In follow-up discussions about
their response to our report, FBI official emphasized that DVP is a threat
driven system and told us that it was a management decision to go full speed
ahead rather than plan.
Now, the FBI is trying to solve the problem with frequency hopping radios.
According to Daniel Miller, Contracting Officer for the FBI, 45 PH-26
(portable frequency hopping radios) and 20 MH-26 (mobile frequency hopping
radios) along with numerous accessories, including 2 repeaters were purchased
on September 24, 1990.
These radios are not FCC approved radio equipment and the FBI has a
sole-source contract for them with Transcrypt International, Inc., 1440
Buckingham Dr, Lincoln, NE 68506, Phone: (402) 483-2961, Fax: (402) 435-6780,
Telex: 466146.
According to Transcrypt's brochure, ``encryption insures that no outside
party can understand radio transmissions, an encrypted radio signal has a
very distinctive sound; and with the right equipment, it can be jammed,
intercepted, or the source located.''
Transcrypt refused to provide Full Disclosure with pricing information and
that information was not available from the Government by press time. The
going rate for this type of equipment, however is said to be approximately
$10,000 per radio. Transcrypt will only sell the radio within the United
States to law enforcement agencies.
Even though their brochure claims that both the public and private sectors
outside the United States have the need for this type of secure
communications (no mention is made that the private sector within the United
States has such needs), a company spokesman seemed skeptical that the State
Department would approve the radios for export.
The idea behind frequency hopping radios is that rather than transmitting
constantly on one frequency, the frequency is changed many times per second
in a pseudo-random fashion. These radios switch from 12 to 50 times per
second, between any channels in a programmable window of the 148-174Mhz band.
The window size is programmable between 100Khz and 1.6Mhz. Therefore, if the
window size was set to 1.6Mhz and the window was located at 165.000mhz, the
transmissions would occur only on frequencys between 165.000mhz and
166.600mhz.
Therefore, with a standard scanner one would not notice the existence of such
transmission, nor be able to pin point them. Monitoring one of the
frequencies it used in its hopping sequence would result only in a burst of
noise 1/12 to 1/50 of a second in duration.
Another brochure from Transcrypt quotes from Communications Africa a claim
that ``there are very few countries in which the equipment and expertise are
available to try to break these systems.''
Finally, the FBI has a solution to is desire for secure communications or
does it? The first glimpse to a line of attack is in the same brochure that
quotes from Communications Africa. It explains how other (in use) frequencies
in an urban environment gives the transmissions extra cover. Any kind of
transmission made in an urban environment gets extra cover from all the other
surrounding transmissions.
The fact that the transmissions need or gain from having ``cover'' indicates
that they are not invisible.
Technical sources suggested the following as a method of detecting use of
frequency hopping radios in the area. Hook a cable ready TV set to an
appropriate antenna and tune it to the federal band (160-172mhz). Cable
channels G, H and I. Each channel will display a 5mhz spectrum of the federal
band. The complete frequency range of the radio would be cable channels A
through I and 7.
The sources indicated that operation of a frequency hopping radio in the area
will show a distinct pattern on the screen. To test this theory, Full
Disclosure hooked up a low power programable RF oscillator to switch
frequencies 15 times per second in the 160mhz range and powering the unit on
showed a distinct change (unique unsynchronized horizontal lines) in the
display on a TV set tuned to that frequency.
Because of the narrow window the units use, after locating the frequency of
the window, jamming the unit could be accomplished with a wide bandwidth
transmitter. (1.6mhz isn't real wide, compared to a 5mhz video transmitter).
If a little used portion of the VHF band was selected for operation by the
frequency hopping radios, jamming could be accomplished with little
interference to other transmissions.
There is some dispute over the effectiveness of using a spectrum analyzer to
spot the use of frequency hopping radios. One technical source aptly pointed
out ``why worry about whether a spectrum analyzer works when a $100 TV set
does?''
As with any new surveillance technology, there is a gap between its
introduction and the availablity of countermeasures. Unlike spread spectrum
radios that switch frequencies over the entire RF spectrum, frequency hopping
radios operate in a very small window making detection, jamming, and
direction finding a much simpler task.
The following are selected specifications for the PH-26 and MH-26 radios.
Figures in ()'s are for the MH-26 when different.
Frequency Programming Range: 148-174MHz. Frequency stability: .0005%.
Frequency spacing: 5, 6.25, 12.5, 15, 25 or 30KHz. Transmitter: Power Output:
1 or 5 watts (30 watts). Modulation: FM. Receiver: Sensitivity 12 db. Sinad:
.25uv. Selectivity @30Khz: 70 db. Audio Output: 500mw (5 watts). Frequency
Agil Mode: Number of channels: 4096. Frequency series: Pseudorandom (PR).
Dwell time: 20 to 100 milliseconds. Synchronization: Continuous digital.
The above is reprinted from Full Disclosure Newspaper. Subscribe today and
get interesting articles like the above, plus more... pictures, graphics,
advertisement, and more articles. Full Disclosure is your source for
information on the leading edge of surveillance technology. Print the
following form, or supply the information on a plain piece of paper:
----
Please start my subscription to Full Disclosure for:
[ ] Sample issue, $2.00
[ ] 12 issue subscription, $18.00
[ ] 24 issue subscription, $29.95
With 24 issue susbcription include free one of the following:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance
Also available separately:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers, $6.00
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts, $5.00
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance, $6.00
Illinois residences, add 6.5% sales tax on above 3 items.
Enclosed is payment in the form of:
[ ] Check/Money order, [ ] Visa, [ ] Mastercard
Card no:___________________________________ Exp date:_______
Signature:__________________________________________________
Phone:______________________________________________________
(required for credit card orders)
My name/address:
Name:_______________________________________________________
Street:_____________________________________________________
City/State/Zip:_____________________________________________
Return to: Full Disclosure, Box 903, Libertyville, Illinois 60048


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The War On Privacy Hits You In The Pocket Book!
COPYRIGHT (C) 1991 BY FULL DISCLOSURE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Why does the FBI and other select government agencies pay over $4,000 for a
pocket tape recorder? One of the most important elements in an electronic
surveillance operation is the tape recorder. Whether hidden in one's pocket
or recording information from a wiretap or bug, the tape recorder can be the
key to success or failure.
The FBI had a need for a specialized recorder, so they contracted with the
U.S. subsidiary of a Swiss company, Nagra Magnetics, Inc. to design a
recorder that met their needs. The result being the Nagra JBR subminiature
recorder and PS-1 playback system.
When asked whether the unit was named after Jim B. Reames, an FBI employee
who helped design the recorder, a Nagra spokeswomen refused to say, but
pointed out that the initials were in fact the same.
The design and manufacture of the recorder has been so secret and important
to the FBI (and two other unnamed government agencies who are supposedly the
sole users of the recorder) that any public availability of information on
the recorder would ``make the machine extinct,'' according to an employee of
Narga who refused to provide any details on the recorder in a telephone
interview.
It is also interesting to note that in the literature obtained by Full
Disclosure from the NATIA show, several of the companies made mention of
Narga tape recorders, but not the JBR model.
A freelance reporter who contacted Nagra in August, 1990, was informed that
someone from the Justice Department had just visited to express the
government's desire to keep the public ignorant about the JBR recorder.
Full Disclosure contacted Nagra on September 24, 1990 and was informed that
they received a letter from the Government ``last week'' informing them that
they couldn't give out any information on the JBR recorder. Nagra refused to
disclose what agency sent the letter.
The company spokeswomen, also stated that they are not allowed to advertise
the unit anywhere, and if they did they would ``lose all government
contracts.'' She further stated that they wanted to advertise it in
<N>Law and Order and could not.
Marketing is done by word of mouth and narcotics trade shows, she said. This
seemed a little contrary to the first spokesman who said that there were only
three customers for the JBR recorder.
Full Disclosure's investigative reporting team, was able to obtain complete
specifications on both the recorder and playback unit.
Because of the secrecy around the recorder and its specifications, the unit
is sole-sourced from Nagra. Inevitability when a product is available from a
single source, there is no price competition.
The following public disclosure of the JBR specifications should serve two
purposes:
1) to open a competitive market for this type of recorder, and
2) to give the American public more information on the tools the government
uses to spy upon. Thereby increasing the public's ability to participate in
political process as it relates to oversight and domestic use of spy
technology.
@SUBHEAD = JBR RECORDER
``The recorder is stereophonic, with two totally independent channels. A
third central track records a reference signal of 5,461 Hz. This signal is
used later on in the playback system as a reference, in order to correct for
speed variations.
``The recording speed is 15/16 ips. This speed is stabilized by an optical
encoder system. In order to save energy and to reduce radiation as much as
possible, no erasing head is provided. For basically the same reasons, and to
ensure that the tapes remain genuine, there is also no playback facility
provided on the recorder.
``Special Kudelski cassettes are used to provide two hours non stop recording
autonomy. A set of three ``N'' size batteries are used allowing ten hours of
operation.
``Even though the detectablility is minimal, the bias frequency is of 32KHz
and has thus the same radiation as a quartz watch. The recorder weight is
less than 200 grams, includes its cassette and batteries, and is really
pocket size with cover: 110.2 x 62.6 x 20.8 mm (4.34: x 2.46" x 0.82").
Miniature microphone and remote controls are available with different length
cables.
So-called tape recorder detectors normally detect the presence of the ``bias
oscillator'' in tape recorders. By using a non-standard and one that is also
commonly used by other common devices makes detection by such a means more
difficult.
@SUBHEAD = JBR Specifications:
SIZE (L x W x H): 110.2 x 62.6 x 20.8mm, with cover: 4.34" x 2.46" x 0.82"
with cover & plugs: 110.2 x 64.3 x 20.8mm / 4.34" x 2.53" x 0.82"
Weight: Recorder with cover: 143 g, Cassette with 2 hr tape: 22 g, Batteries,
3 pcs: 29 g, Microphones including 4' cable, 2 pcs: 30 g, Remote control, 3'
cable:18 g. Total weight: 242 g.
Environment: Operating position: Any, Temperature: 0 C to 40 C (32 F to
104F). Humidity: 20% to 95% non-condensing.
Power Supply: Supply voltage: 2.7 to 5V DC, nominal 4.5 V. ``Batt OK''
indicator threshold: 3.4V. Battery standard type: ASA ''N'', ANSI ``L20'',
IEC ``LR1''. Current consumption - start of tape: 40mA typical, - end of
tape: 50ma typical.
TAPE: Tape transport: without capstan, constant speed. Tape type: chromium
dioxide in special JBR cassette. Tape width: 3.81 mm (0.150"). Tape Thickness
(total): 9u (0.35mil) 120 min. 12u (0.48mil) 90 min. Max recording time: 2
hours. Audio tracks: 1.20mm x 2. Control tract (center): 0.40 mm. Track
spacing: 0.50 mm. Nominal tape speed: 2.38 cm/s (15/16ips). Tape speed
accuracy: better than +/- 2%. Wow and flutter: typ. 2.5% peak-to-peak, NAB (=
DIN 45507) weighted. Start time: less than 4 seconds
Inputs: 2 microphone inputs. Maximum input level: 60 mV RMS. Audio indicator
threshold: 30 mV RMS input -3 dB on tape. Input impedance: 80 K. Microphone
sensitivity: 10 mV/PA (1 Pa=10 ubar). Maximum SPL: 110 dB (0 dB SPL = 20
uPa). Signal to noise ratio, unexpanded: better than 51 dB ASA A weighted.
Frequency response: 170 Hz to 4.5 kHz +/- 3dB. Total harmonic distortion:
less than 3%. Compression ratio: 2:1 in dB. Compressor operating range: 80 dB
The above is reprinted from Full Disclosure Newspaper. Subscribe today and
get interesting articles like the above, plus more... pictures, graphics,
advertisement, and more articles. Full Disclosure is your source for
information on the leading edge of surveillance technology. Print the
following form, or supply the information on a plain piece of paper:
----
Please start my subscription to Full Disclosure for:
[ ] Sample issue, $2.00
[ ] 12 issue subscription, $18.00
[ ] 24 issue subscription, $29.95
With 24 issue susbcription include free one of the following:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance
Also available separately:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers, $6.00
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts, $5.00
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance, $6.00
Illinois residences, add 6.5% sales tax on above 3 items.
Enclosed is payment in the form of:
[ ] Check/Money order, [ ] Visa, [ ] Mastercard
Card no:___________________________________ Exp date:_______
Signature:__________________________________________________
Phone:______________________________________________________
(required for credit card orders)
My name/address:
Name:_______________________________________________________
Street:_____________________________________________________
City/State/Zip:_____________________________________________
Return to: Full Disclosure, Box 903, Libertyville, Illinois 60048


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The IRS is here to protect our rights
Or the IRS finally hears about the Miranda Case.
COPYRIGHT (C) 1991 BY FULL DISCLOSURE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Phoenix businessman David Carroll was acquitted in federal court of two
felony counts of assault on a federal officer. Judge Charles L. Hardy, United
States District Court Judge, found Carroll not guilty after hearing the
testimony from the Government's only witness, Leo Anderson, an IRS revenue
officer. The case was tried before a jury, but Judge Hardy ruled there was
insufficient evidence for the case to proceed further and granted the Motion
for Judgment of Acquittal made in court by Carroll's attorney, Mac MacPherson
of Phoenix.
Carroll was charged in a two-count indictment in which the Grand Jury alleged
that, on July 10, 1989, Carroll ``forcibly assaulted and resisted, opposed,
impeded, intimidated and interfered with'' Anderson, who surprised Carroll at
his home in effort to collect back taxes IRS claimed Carroll owed. In Count
Two, the Grand Jury charged that Carroll ``by force and threats of force
endeavored to intimidate and impede'' Anderson during the performance of
Anderson's duties.
According to Anderson, rather than write a letter or call Carroll to schedule
an appointment, he intentionally surprised Carroll at his home early one
Monday morning. ``Surprise him at the door - that's the way we do it,''
Anderson testified on cross examination by MacPherson. Anderson explained
that IRS' new emphasis is that the collection officer be productive on the
first contact. ``One call does it all,'' is our new motto, Anderson stated
proudly.
According to Anderson, as he sat in his pickup truck in front of the Carroll
residence, taking notes about Carroll's assets, the garage door opened and a
man appeared. Anderson approached Carroll, identified himself and said he
wanted immediate payment of $12,000. With this, Carroll began to close the
garage door, bumped into Anderson and continued to push Anderson back several
feet. Anderson did not leave. He kept asking questions and an argument
ensued. The two men walked to the sidewalk, Carroll leading the way. Anderson
testified that at that point Carroll walked toward him 'slowly and
deliberately' and that Anderson was impeded from getting information from
Carroll, such as where he banked, where he worked and what assets he had.
By this time, the men were yelling at one another and Anderson claimed that
he was ``provoked, challenged, impeded'' and that he felt Carroll was trying
to ``provoke him into hitting him.'' Anderson stated, ``And if I was not
working, I would have hit him.''
Anderson testified that, rather than fight, he decided to leave the scene. He
walked to his truck, got in and started it. But before he could close the
door, Carroll followed him and stood between the door and the truck. (Editors
note: Most people close the door first, then start their vehicle) Carroll
was still talking, but Anderson didn't listen. Anderson said, ``Back off,''
and Carroll immediately moved out of the way. Anderson closed the door and
drove off.
Mr. Carroll had a different story to tell, which was related to judge and
jury through MacPherson's opening statement: Anderson clearly violated the
new Taxpayer Bill of Rights, a law enacted by Congress in November of 1988 as
a result of abuse from IRS agents such as Anderson.
Under the new federal law, agents are required to give to taxpayers an
explanation of their rights and make sure the citizen understands their
rights by way of Publication 1. ``As a taxpayer, you have the right to be
treated fairly, professionally, promptly and courteously by Internal Revenue
Service employees. Our goal at the IRS is to protect your rights so that you
will have the highest confidence in the integrity, efficiency and fairness of
our tax system. To ensure that you always receive such treatment, you should
know about the many rights you have at each step of the tax process.''
Anderson did not give to Carroll Publication 1, nor mention Carroll's rights,
which include the right to tape record proceedings, the right to have copies
of IRS documents and the right to enter into an installment payment agreement
with IRS when the taxpayer cannot afford to pay the tax in full.
Nothing was explained by Anderson. Instead, he kept demanding that he would
accept full payment of $12,000 and nothing less. Through his tactics of
surprise, fear and intimidation, Anderson attempted to coerce money from
Carroll and get into the Carroll home without a court order. ``What will you
settle for?'' Carroll kept asking. ``Full payment,'' was Anderson's repeated
response.
But Carroll, a man who has his own retail business and was not about to be
pushed around, was not phased. He shut the garage door to protect his privacy
rights and, as he did so, Anderson stepped forward and the two men -
Anderson, 260 pounds, and Carroll, 220 pounds - merely bumped stomachs.
Repeatedly, Carroll asked to see the documents which showed he owed the tax,
and repeatedly Anderson refused. When Carroll threatened to eliminate any tax
debts by filing bankruptcy, Anderson began his yelling tirade witnessed by
Carroll's son, Callen, age 19, and two neighbors.
But it was not the Taxpayer Bill of Rights that caused Judge Hardy to find
David Carroll not guilty; it was Anderson's own admissions on cross
examination by MacPherson.
``You're a pretty big fellow, Mr. Anderson, and when the stomach bumping
occurred, you weren't in the least bit afraid of Mr. Carroll, were you?'' To
this, Anderson replied, ``No, I wasn't at all afraid.'' Anderson went on to
admit that when he and Carroll left the garage for the sidewalk, it was
Carroll, not Anderson, who led the way, despite Anderson's previous testimony
that he ``retreated'' to his truck. Given these facts, Judge Hardy ruled that
there was no assault, nor did Carroll attempt in any way to impede Anderson.
The jury was thanked and dismissed.
On the two-count indictment, David Carroll faced a maximum penalty of eight
years in jail and a fine of $100,000.
MacPherson, a certified tax specialist and certified criminal law specialist,
has tried over 50 criminal tax cases in federal court in twenty-three
different states and is author of Tax Fraud & Evasion: The War Stories. War
Stories chronicles many of his winning cases, and MacPherson states that the
Carroll case will be an added chapter to War Stories, Part II, which
MacPherson is now writing for release this summer. The theme of War Stories:
citizens should not be fearful of their own Government (the IRS); they can
eliminate fear, and its stepchild intimidation, by coming to an understanding
of how the criminal tax system works. This can best be done by actual case
histories.
Donald MacPherson can be contacted at 3404 W. Cheryl Drive, Suite A-250,
Phoenix, AZ 85051.
The above is reprinted from Full Disclosure Newspaper. Subscribe today and
get interesting articles like the above, plus more... pictures, graphics,
advertisement, and more articles. Full Disclosure is your source for
information on the leading edge of surveillance technology. Print the
following form, or supply the information on a plain piece of paper:
----
Please start my subscription to Full Disclosure for:
[ ] Sample issue, $2.00
[ ] 12 issue subscription, $18.00
[ ] 24 issue subscription, $29.95
With 24 issue susbcription include free one of the following:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance
Also available separately:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers, $6.00
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts, $5.00
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance, $6.00
Illinois residences, add 6.5% sales tax on above 3 items.
Enclosed is payment in the form of:
[ ] Check/Money order, [ ] Visa, [ ] Mastercard
Card no:___________________________________ Exp date:_______
Signature:__________________________________________________
Phone:______________________________________________________
(required for credit card orders)
My name/address:
Name:_______________________________________________________
Street:_____________________________________________________
City/State/Zip:_____________________________________________
Return to: Full Disclosure, Box 903, Libertyville, Illinois 60048


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Suveillance Conference Overview
COPYRIGHT (C) 1991 BY FULL DISCLOSURE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
The National Technical Investigators Association (NATIA) held their 5th
annual conference in San Antonio, Texas, August 26th-31th.
Participation in the conference was 600 attendees up from 500 last year.
However, there was a conspicuous lack of people from the military
intelligence community.
As usual with government related electronic surveillance operations,
techniques, equipment, etc, secrecy prevails. Due to efforts by Full
Disclosure, the San Antonio area media was informed about the show. They,
however, were all turned away at the gate. The result being no local press
coverage occured.
NATIA is an organization of over 2300 supervisory law enforcement officers,
communications and security managers assigned to support technical
investigative activities in the major federal, state and local enforcement
and intelligence agencies.
The NATIA membership is responsible for supplying all of the various
communications, audio, video, photographic, specialized electronic systems
and investigative aids used in support of these sensitive bugging,
wiretapping and intelligence activities.
The annual conference is used by manufactures of spy equipment to introduce
their new wares and sell more of the old stuff and for members to learn all
the newest tricks, scams and techniques.
Consequently, NATIA and its membership has a sigificant role in domestic
spying activities. NATIA's role not only includes the equipment, but
standards, operations, techniques, tricks, and the like. Such activities are
purportely regulated and overseen by the public, through Congress, by the
political process.
Any effective oversight or regulation requires information; information that
NATIA desires to suppress from the American public. The First Amendment,
however, assures that the public will be informed. Full Disclosure was able
to obtain many documents at the show and the essential information content
will be presented in this and future issues. Articles based upon show
information will be indiciated as such.
The desire to suppress this information is so great, that due to Full
Disclosure's publication of the 1989 NATIA conference exhibitors directory,
there was no directory made for 1990. (The essential information content from
the show schedule is presented below).
Not only was NATIA furious over the publication of the exhibitors directory,
but also over the fact that several hundred copies of the issue with the
directory were distributed on the show floor.
What was the atmosphere of show? At night, some members, partied like
motorcycle gang members. During the day, however, it was strictly business.
The following is an overview of the technical and management seminars that
were held. Contact addresses have been provided by Full Disclosure and were
not a part of NATIA literature.
``Future Telephone Technology'' by Bruce Becker, Central Telephone. Telephone
technology is rapidly changing. With new systems, features and technologies
on the way. This class will discuss what's on the horizon in the telephone
industry.
``Law Enforcement and FCC Rules and Regulations'' by Arlan Van Doorn, FCC,
Deputy Chief, Field Operations (202) 632-7200. Find out what the rules are.
What's new, what's changed, what's the same. Is that video transmitter you're
using legal? [Ed note: if not, does the exclusionary rule or fruit of a
poisonous tree doctrine apply?]
``2.4Ghz Video Transmission'' by Michael McDowell, Florida Department of Law
Enforcement. The FCC has recently allocated State and Local Law Enforcement
Agencies frequencies for low power video transmission. Learn what equipment
is available and how to put together a 2.4 Ghz video transmission system with
off the shelf parts.
``Countermeasures: Technical Surveillance Counter Measures'' By Clyde Widrig,
Los Angeles, Police Department. What is being found during TSCM sweeps? Learn
about this, the basics of doing a sweep, and what equipment you will need.
``Telephone Technology Panel'' The panel will discuss the impact on law
enforcement of new technologies (ISDN, CLASS, Etc.), systems and features,
coming soon to a telephone near you. Discussion will include the need for
NATIA to help set standards for intercept equipment.
``Covert Entry Planning'' by Jim Moss, U.S. Customs, 40 S Gay St, #424,
Baltimore, MD 21202. Covert entry planning offers the agent valuable tips on
setting up the mechanics, legal, and security aspects of surreptitious
entries. This class could mean the difference between a successful entry and
a possible tragedy.
``Digital Recording And Audio Processing'' By Attila Mathie, Adaptive Digital
Systems. An audio recorder with no moving parts? See it and get the latest
information on digital recording and audio processing.
``Managing Technical Operations'' by Anthony Bocchiccio, Drug Enforcement
Administration. Aimed at the management, this class is intended to give you
the knowledge of what it takes to run a technical section. Instruction will
include managing resources, personnel, and equipment.
``R-F Spread Spectrum Techniques'' by Stan Causey, DC Metro Police. Spread
Spectrum transmission is an area of rapid development. With many new systems
either in the works or already here, this class will bring you up to date.
``Seizing Personal Computers and Data Recovery'' by Ken Scales, IRS, Criminal
Investigative Division. Everywhere you look today there are PC's (personal
computers). What do you do when you seize one? Just turning it on may cost
you some very valuable data. Learn what to do, not to do, and who to contact
for help.
``Member Equipment and Technique Exchange Forum'' Do you have any new ideas,
tips, techniques, tricks or equipment? This is the place to bring them. Share
all of this valuable information with your fellow members in this open forum.
``Video Operations'' By Jack Tuckish, Naval Investigative Service. How to get
the most from your covert video operations. This class will teach packaging
techniques, camera placements, tips, tricks, etc.
``Night Vision Critique.'' Instruction will be given in interfacing night
vision equipment to 35mm and video cameras. Additionally you will learn about
specifications, uses and limitations of the different types of night vision
equipment. If available slides taken at the night vision demo will be shown.
``Computer Crimes.'' By Frank Milligan, IRS. People are gaining illegal
access to computer data bases, bank accounts, etc. Who are these hackers, how
are they getting in, and what can be done to stop them.
``Asset Seizure And Property Management.'' By Richard Harris, California,
Department of Justice. Is there more to Asset Seizure than property, weapons
and cash? This class will offer an overview on asset seizure and focus on
seizing equipment that can be used to aid law enforcement. Items such as
computers, communications gear and alarm equipment are being seized and used.
The above is reprinted from Full Disclosure Newspaper. Subscribe today and
get interesting articles like the above, plus more... pictures, graphics,
advertisement, and more articles. Full Disclosure is your source for
information on the leading edge of surveillance technology. Print the
following form, or supply the information on a plain piece of paper:
----
Please start my subscription to Full Disclosure for:
[ ] Sample issue, $2.00
[ ] 12 issue subscription, $18.00
[ ] 24 issue subscription, $29.95
With 24 issue susbcription include free one of the following:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance
Also available separately:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers, $6.00
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts, $5.00
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance, $6.00
Illinois residences, add 6.5% sales tax on above 3 items.
Enclosed is payment in the form of:
[ ] Check/Money order, [ ] Visa, [ ] Mastercard
Card no:___________________________________ Exp date:_______
Signature:__________________________________________________
Phone:______________________________________________________
(required for credit card orders)
My name/address:
Name:_______________________________________________________
Street:_____________________________________________________
City/State/Zip:_____________________________________________
Return to: Full Disclosure, Box 903, Libertyville, Illinois 60048


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MAIL SURVEILLANCE
COPYRIGHT (C) 1991 BY FULL DISCLOSURE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
In Full Disclosure #21 information was provided on ``mail covers'' where
information on the outside of mail is recorded and provided to law
enforcement and/or intelligence agencies. That article prompted questions by
readers about when the post office might actually open mail and examine its
contents. This article will explore an actual case where mail was opened and
overview the postal procedure for mail openings in drug related cases.
Full Disclosure was able to obtain copies of documents filed in the federal
court in Chicago, Illinois on February 2, 1990 that provide the following
description of the mail opening program:
``The Chicago Division of the U.S. Postal Inspection Service has implemented
an Express Mail Profile program at the Air Mail Facility (AMF) at Chicago
O'Hare International Airport This program consists of a physical profile of
Express Mail parcels which have been mailed to or from locations within the
Northern District of Illinois. Targets were cities and/or areas of the United
States which have been identified by law enforcement as being source areas
for the distribution of narcotics, and/or controlled substances.''
The package in this particular case had a return address in Evanston,
Illinois, delivery address in Chicago (the same name on both), and a post
mark in San Francisco. However, another case that was reviewed showed the
return address and postmark to correspond. The physical appearance in both
cases were rather generic (according to the descriptions offered in the court
files)
W. Earnst Hills of the Postal Inspection Service in Chicago said in an
interview that this program was not ongoing but rather goes into effect
whenever they get information from other agencies that indicate a suspicious
package is on the way. For example, if a DEA agent observes a suspected drug
dealer mail a package, the description of that package would be passed on and
packages fitting that description would be selected for further review.
Hills' description of the program was that the Postal Inspection service
would receive a tip from another agency that a suspicious package was on the
way. They would then be looking for it at the O'Hare Air Mail Facility.
``One of the things we look for is fictitious return addresses'' said Hills.
He didn't think there was a problem with it taking too much time to do this
type of checking.
After packages have been selected by their physical description, they are
subjected to drug sniffing dogs or machines. The dog test consists of several
similar packages being put in separate nylon sacks and if the dog bites and
scratches at the nylon sack with the suspect parcel, a search warrant is
sought.
Hills indicated that the mail is not significantly delayed. Since most mail
arrives very early in the morning they have plenty of time to examine it
prior to the necessary delivery time later in the day. He also said that they
will get a magistrate up in the middle of the night to issue a search warrant.
Upon receipt of the search warrant, the package is opened and inspected for
contraband. Hills said that normally, the package will then be sealed back up
and delivered by a postal inspector who will arrest the recipient after they
accept the package.
What if a warrant is issued and the package does not contain contraband?
Hills was unsure, stating that as far as he knew they had a ``100% success
rate'' on finding contraband in parcels opened pursuant to a search warrant.
However, he offered to find out what the procedure would be if the package
didn't contain contraband.
Hills findings were that there has been ``no incident like that in Chicago.''
However, when it has happened in other locations that have put a copy of the
search warrant in the package and had it delivered normally. Hills cautioned,
however that it wasn't necessary standard procedure to do that, only that it
had been done in some cases.
The above is reprinted from Full Disclosure Newspaper. Subscribe today and
get interesting articles like the above, plus more... pictures, graphics,
advertisement, and more articles. Full Disclosure is your source for
information on the leading edge of surveillance technology. Print the
following form, or supply the information on a plain piece of paper:
----
Please start my subscription to Full Disclosure for:
[ ] Sample issue, $2.00
[ ] 12 issue subscription, $18.00
[ ] 24 issue subscription, $29.95
With 24 issue susbcription include free one of the following:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance
Also available separately:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers, $6.00
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts, $5.00
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance, $6.00
Illinois residences, add 6.5% sales tax on above 3 items.
Enclosed is payment in the form of:
[ ] Check/Money order, [ ] Visa, [ ] Mastercard
Card no:___________________________________ Exp date:_______
Signature:__________________________________________________
Phone:______________________________________________________
(required for credit card orders)
My name/address:
Name:_______________________________________________________
Street:_____________________________________________________
City/State/Zip:_____________________________________________
Return to: Full Disclosure, Box 903, Libertyville, Illinois 60048


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Inside The Postal Mail Cover
COPYRIGHT (C) 1991 BY FULL DISCLOSURE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
A mail cover. What is it? How does it work?
A postal mail cover is where a law enforcement agency makes arrangements with
the Postal Inspectors to obtain a copy of the addressee, sender, return
address, place & date of postmark and class of mail for all mail being
delivered to a given address.
No mail is opened in a mail cover program. Therefore, the government doesn't
consider the Fourth Amendment Constitutional limitations on search and
seizure to apply.
A big concern, though is the delay of mail. Instructions to the postal
employees preparing the Form 2009 reports stress that mail cannot be delayed.
The postmaster is also required to certify that the mail recorded on the Form
2009 was not delayed.
The post office, is concerned about privacy in mail covers. Privacy about
what they are doing. The Form 2009s have to be returned to the postal
inspectors doubled enveloped in opaque envelopes, with the inner envelope
marked ``limited official use.''
The postal inspectors then forward the forms to the requesting law
enforcement agency. However, it is pointed out that the forms remain the
property of the postal inspectors and that it is preferred that the
information is not used in any court proceedings, ie: the post office wishes
it to remain private that they are invading the public's privacy with mail
covers.
The above is reprinted from Full Disclosure Newspaper. Subscribe today and
get interesting articles like the above, plus more... pictures, graphics,
advertisement, and more articles. Full Disclosure is your source for
information on the leading edge of surveillance technology. Print the
following form, or supply the information on a plain piece of paper:
----
Please start my subscription to Full Disclosure for:
[ ] Sample issue, $2.00
[ ] 12 issue subscription, $18.00
[ ] 24 issue subscription, $29.95
With 24 issue susbcription include free one of the following:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance
Also available separately:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers, $6.00
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts, $5.00
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance, $6.00
Illinois residences, add 6.5% sales tax on above 3 items.
Enclosed is payment in the form of:
[ ] Check/Money order, [ ] Visa, [ ] Mastercard
Card no:___________________________________ Exp date:_______
Signature:__________________________________________________
Phone:______________________________________________________
(required for credit card orders)
My name/address:
Name:_______________________________________________________
Street:_____________________________________________________
City/State/Zip:_____________________________________________
Return to: Full Disclosure, Box 903, Libertyville, Illinois 60048


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DR. RIPCO SEIZURE
COPYRIGHT (C) 1991 BY FULL DISCLOSURE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
On May 8, 1990, Agents of the United States Secret Service, along with police
and telephone company security personnel executed thirty-two search warrants
across the United States as part of a two year investigation into the
activities of computer hackers.
Full Disclosure's investigative reporting team was able to obtain the
application for one of the searches that occurred in Chicago, Illinois
(actually two identical warrants, one for the business and one for the
residence address of a computer bulletin board (BBS) system operator).
Copies of a number of other search & seizure warrants were also obtained.
First we will examine the two kinds of warrants and then look at the
specifics of the May 8, 1990 warrant executed in Chicago, Illinois.
The application forms for both types of warrants are nearly identical, except
for a key concept. The identification, government agent, and notary parts are
the same. The purpose of the application is where the difference comes in.
The search warrant application form reads as follows: ``I am a(n)
[official title] and have reason to believe that [] on the person of or [] on
the property or premises know as (name, description and/or location)
[property address], in the Northern District of Illinois there is now
concealed a certain person or property, namely (describe the person or
property to be seized) [descrip<>tion] which is (state one or more bases for
search and seizure set forth under rule 41(n) of the Federal Rules of
Criminal Procedure) concerning a violation of Title [ ] United States code,
Section(s) [ ]. The facts to support a finding of Probable Cause are as
follows:...'' [Emphasis added]
The seizure warrant application form reads as follows: ``I am a(n)
[official title] there is now certain property which is subject to
forfeiture to the United States, namely (describe property to be seized)
[property description], in the Northern District of Illinois which is (state
one or more reasons for seizure under the United States Code) concerning a
violation of Title [ ] United States code, Section(s) [ ]. The facts to
support a finding of Probable Cause for issuance of a Seizure Warrant are as
follows:...'' [Emphasis added]
The content of the applications varies in what is being sought, also. For
example, in one search warrant application seeking a warrant to search a
computer system in Lockport, Illinois, the applicant stated in part: ``My
investigation has revealed that on or about October 5, 1989, Richard Andrews
and Leonard Rose transported a stolen or fraudulently obtained computer
program worth $77,000.00 from Middle Town, Maryland to Naperville, Illinois
and then to Lockport, Illinois.'' This affidavit was not part of the May
8, 1990 series of ``Sundevil'' warrants.
Along with the other information provided in the application lead the
Magistrate to conclude that there was probable cause that evidence of a crime
would be found on the computer in Lockport. A search warrant was issued.
The application for a seizure warrant (filed by the Chicago Police Department
in Federal Court), however, was directed toward a different end: ``Our
investigation has revealed that Rufus Sims is a major narcotics dealer
operating primarily on the west side of Chicago. Since February 1989, the
United States has seized over $1.2 million in assets, including three parcels
of real estate (including an apartment building), numerous auto-mobiles and
over $650,000 in currency, that are the proceeds of Rufus Sims' narcotics
activity. Rufus Sims has not attempted to dispute the forfeiture of any of
this property or contested the fact that the property is narcotics proceeds.
. . . Our investigation has revealed that there is a safe deposit box
registered to Steven Sims at Austin Bank of Chicago, 5645 West Lake Street,
Chicago, Illinois. Based upon what our previous investigation has revealed
about the manner in which Rufus Sims conceals his narcotics proceeds, often
using safe deposit boxes registered in the names of friends and family
members, and based upon Steven Sims' direct involvement in Rufus Sims'
organization and his participation in the handling of narcotics proceeds with
Rufus Sims, I believe that this safe deposit box contains proceeds of
narcotics transactions and that such contents are subject to forfeiture
pursuant to 21 U.S.C. 881(a)(6).''
In short, the search warrant is to seek out evidence of a crime and may
involve the seizure of property for evidential purposes. The seizure warrant
is for transferring assets from an individual to the government because the
government is statutory ``owed'' those assets for some reason. In essence the
seizure warrant imposes a punishment without trial or such legal activities
as the average citizen equates with due process.
The May 8, 1990 warrant executed in Chicago, Illinois as part of the
nationwide sweep was not a search warrant. Rather it sought ``property
which is subject to forfeiture to the United States'' was located at a
particular location, being the location of a computer bulletin board named
``Dr. Ripco.''
From the start it was curious that Dr. Ripco was served a seizure warrant
seeking forfeiture of his computer equipment when the government was
apparently seeking evidence of the crimes of computer hackers. However, an
interview with the system operator disclosed that after his equipment was
carted off on May 8, 1990 he hadn't heard back. No arrest was forthcoming,
not even an interview.<M^>*1
Why was the system seized? The Secret Service employed a confidential
informant (CI 404-235) who accessed Dr. Ripco over three dozen times in 1989
and over a dozen in 1990. He is reported to have regularly seen messages
posted by other users which contained long distance carrier customer
authorization codes, references to hacking, and to credit cards and credit
bureaus.
Some of the messages in question were quoted in the warrant application. A
number of them that provided long distance access codes also had verification
by the long distance carrier that such codes had or had not been used
fraudulently. Additionally, CI 404-235 and one of the board users arranged
(apparently by way of private electronic mail on Dr. Ripco) to exchange
credit card numbers for long distance access codes. CI 404-235 was given
special authorization codes by U.S. Sprint to use for this purpose. No
mention is made as to whether any fraudulent calls were made on that
authorization code, nor whether the credit card numbers received by CI
404-235 would pass the cursory verification requested by retailers. Nor are
there any presented allegations that any attempts were made to utilize the
credit card numbers.
What did the system operator do? The application fails to allege that the
system operator was in any was involved in telecommunications fraud, credit
card fraud, or any other crime. In its definitions of BBS and system
operators it presents a picture where the job of being a system operator is
time consuming due to the volume of messages that have to be reviewed.
No statutes are cited defining any obligations or responsibilities of system
operations to either control the content of messages on their system, nor
report ``illegal'' messages to any authorities.
It only by implication states that the Dr. Ripco system operator didn't
fulfill their unsupported claim that a system operator has some obligation to
control content of messages: ``[s]pecial Agent Lawson's investigation has
further determined that the access codes posted on the RIPCO BBS are not
concealed from the system administrator of the bbs and could be seen by the
system administrator of the bbs during an examination.''
Part of the application's definition of the responsibility of the system
operator is the ability to read every message on the system, including
private electronic mail messages. The Electronic Communications Privacy Act
of 1986 raises legal questions about the right of a system operator to do so,
contrary to whatever technical abilities might exist. Similar to the
prohibitions of telephone company personnel taping phone lines.
The application is also silent about what efforts Dr. Ripco's system
administrator took to delete such messages if and when he discovered them.
Assuming that he didn't review, or that if he did review them, didn't delete
any messages, it is not clear that as merely as the provider of an electronic
communications service he is anymore liable for the content of messages, than
the telephone companies are liable for the content of conversations their
equipment carries. There were no allegations in the warrant application that
the system operated posted any such information.
There are many legal questions regarding the liability of BBS operators with
respect to message content on their services, legal responsibility to review
public and/or private messages raised by this case.
The action taken in this case appears to be directed at solving the computer
crime problem by indirect means. There are no allegations of criminal
activity by the system operator. Rather than issue a subpoena to the system
operator (under the Electronic Communications Privacy Act of 1986) for
applicable records and messages of those users that were involved in criminal
activity, they took an unique route.
They declared that third party equipment used by numerous members of the
public, including some who might have engaged in criminal activity (Full
Disclosure has been unable to find any federal criminal court cases relating
to the Dr. Ripco users named in the application that were involved in credit
card/long distance authorization access code trading) to be subject to
forfeiture to the United States. A court order was then obtained without the
knowledge or the ability of the owner to contest such proceeding.
The same technique used against other electronic communications providers
would be considered so outrageous as to not even be attempted; seizing AT&T
long distance microwave links, for example, because some drug dealers
arranged a deal in a conversation that was carried by them. However, many see
BBS systems as a threat to the power structure as they allow any individual
to reach a broad audience with his opinions. The power to reach a vast
audience with a political opinion has till now been limited to a select few.
Mixing up the problem of those desiring criminal intent with those simply
exercising first amendment rights is surely an effective method of smearing
those with no bad intent. Subjecting those who desire to provide a wide-area
public communications system to average members of the public to arbitrary
punishment because a few miscreants act inappropriately is as absurd as
seizing a long distance network over a drug dealers conversation.
*1 Interestingly, according to Federal Court records in Chicago,
Rufus Sims (as of January 7th, 1991) had never been charged with any federal
crime, even though the federal government had been seizing narcotics assets
since February 1989.
The above is reprinted from Full Disclosure Newspaper. Subscribe today and
get interesting articles like the above, plus more... pictures, graphics,
advertisement, and more articles. Full Disclosure is your source for
information on the leading edge of surveillance technology. Print the
following form, or supply the information on a plain piece of paper:
----
Please start my subscription to Full Disclosure for:
[ ] Sample issue, $2.00
[ ] 12 issue subscription, $18.00
[ ] 24 issue subscription, $29.95
With 24 issue susbcription include free one of the following:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance
Also available separately:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers, $6.00
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts, $5.00
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance, $6.00
Illinois residences, add 6.5% sales tax on above 3 items.
Enclosed is payment in the form of:
[ ] Check/Money order, [ ] Visa, [ ] Mastercard
Card no:___________________________________ Exp date:_______
Signature:__________________________________________________
Phone:______________________________________________________
(required for credit card orders)
My name/address:
Name:_______________________________________________________
Street:_____________________________________________________
City/State/Zip:_____________________________________________
Return to: Full Disclosure, Box 903, Libertyville, Illinois 60048


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SURVEILLANCE EQUIPMENT BUYS
The following is a review of recent governmental bid specifications around
the country for electronic surveillance equipment.
Drug Enforcement Administration
(100) Miniature video transmitter - low power. (100) Miniature video
transmitter - lower power with one optional audio channel. (100) Miniature
video transmitter - lower power with two optional audio channels.
(100) Miniature video transmitter - high power. (100) Miniature video
transmitter - high power with one optional audio channel. (100) Miniature
video transmitter - high power with two optional audio channels.
(100) Compact portable video receiver. (100) compact portable video receiver
with one optional audio channel. (100) compact portable video receiver with
two optional audio channels.
The above transmitters shall have a frequency range of 1.71 GHz - 1.85 GHz
fixed frequency. Power output of 200-500Mw (low), 3-5 Watts (high). The
physcial volume of the transmitters will be less than 15 cubic inches and
weigh less than 20 oz.
In addition, the following federal agencies will be able to purchase from the
same contract: Federal Bureau of Investigation, U.S. Customs Service, U.S.
Secret Service, Interest Revenue Service, Bueau of Alcohol Tobacco And
Firearms, and the U.S. Army Criminal Investigation Division.
(32) Panasonic AG-450 camcorders.
(50) Panasonic AG-1960 VCRs.
(29) Panasonic AG-R6720 time laspe VCRs.
(92) Panasonic AG-7400 portable video cassette recorders.
(21) Discovery DNR (dailed number recorders)
(46) Audio Console, 23 Audio Module, 2 linel, 25 MF Module, 50 cable sets
(audio, 25 feet), 75 RS232 printer cables.
@BODY-HEAD = Federal Bureau of Investigation
(105) Revox Tape Recorders. 1/2 tract stereo with speeds of 1-7/8 and 3-3/4
IPS. 105 rack adapters for the tape recorders.
(140) Tascam 112 Cassette recorders, and 140 Tascam RC-71 remote cables.
United States Secret Service
(500) Motorola model H99QX Digial Saber III, DES voice privacy Handie-Talkies.
(200) Motorola model Syntor X9000 T99KX 100 mobile VHF radio with DES voice
privacy.
(40) Motorola model P1350 DES-XL radio base stations.
(10) Motorola model P1578A RF power amplifiers for use with the P1350s.
(96) Motorola model PT3011 doe DES/XL encryption OTAR compatible variable key
loaders.
Triborough Bridge and Tunnel Authority (Randall's Island, New York, NY)
(1) Probity electronics PE-X10 C-Mount Camcorder Video surveillance system
with concealment shoulder bag and Auto Iris.
(1) Electronic corp Astrolight viewer, low light level image intensifier
including, 7x magnifing eyepiece, 135 mm telephone lens, foam lens storage
case, pistol grip.
(1) Probity electronics 9100-202 focusable, relay lens adapter to connect the
PEX10 and the Astrolight Viewer.
(1) Sony UP-850N video printer.
(1) CR IIA Typr 2 (three system complete kit) includes CR II receiver, also
transmitter (two part unit mounted in a belt with antenna, and miniature
microphone mounted in the buckle. Frequency: 150-174mhz, 500mw. The CR-IIA is
an audio only transmitter.
(1) Probity electronics SME II, omni directional electret miniature
microphone.
(1) Probity electronics CR-IIA transmitter concealment kit, includes: 1
attache case, 1 AM/FM cassette recorders, 1 leather port folio.
(1) Marantz pmd 221 recorder, 3 heads.
State of South Carolina, Law Enforcement Division
The following equipment is being purchased to be used by agents in the field
in conjunction with other Audio Intelligence Devices surveillance equipment.
It is needed to allow field agents to expedite their surveillances without
waiting on assistance from Headquarters in Columbia.
(5) Unitized intelligence system. Unitel model 121B receiver, and TX714
transmitter. The receiver has at least 5 crystal controlled switch selectable
frequencies in the range of 150-175MHZ. The transmitters are 250mw and
equiped with an external electret microphone with an audio cable of 13
inches. The maximum dimensions exclusive of the microphone is 75mm x 60mm x
20mm.
(7) Body transmitter, model TX-903A. Frequency: 150-174MHZ. 1 watt powered by
two 9 volt alkaline batteries and measure no larger than 3-3/8" x 2-1/4"
(6) Portable VHF-VHF 2 watt repeater.
(1) Portable briefcase VHF-VHF repeater / transceiver 2-15 watts. Unitel
model 2215.
(1) Portable briefcase VHF-VHF repeater / transceiver 2-6 watts. Unitel model
BXR2200A.
(5) Disguised pager transmitter. Unitel model TX-788. Frequency: 150-174 MHZ,
500 mw, powered by 1 9-volt alkaline battery.
(8) Electret microphone Unitel #91303.
(10) Flexible wire body antennas. Unitel #91204-01.
(2) Flexible wire body antennas (3'-11''). Unitel #91254.
Summerville Police Department (Summerville, South Carolina)
Audio surveillance equipment meeting the following requirements. Listening to
and recording covert conversations with no unintentional feedback to the user
of the transmitter used primarily for undercover operations.
VHF High band (150-174MHZ) with at least 6 channels, repeater compatible,
separate outputs for earphone, VCR and line level audio, portable, mobile and
fixed operations, can be powered from various sources, 12-15VDC, 115/230VAC.
Internal rechargeable batteries, unattended recording, ie: carrier recorder
actuation, voice scrambler.
Texas Department of Public Safety
(6) High intensity infrared illuminators to be used with existing
surveillance cameras. M3 Media model IR-32F.
(5) Transformer enclosed surveillance system. This system is intended to
provide covert video surveillance of a designated target. It transmits a
standard NTSC video image over a 2450-2483.5 MHZ video (10 watts of power
output) link to a remote listening post. A low ligth CCD video camera
coupled with a motorized lens provides the video image. The zoom and focus is
remotely controlled by a VHF FM DMTF control link.
The camera and lens in concealed in a 50KVA or smaller utility pole
transformer can. The system is to be pole mounted and powered by a 120 volt
line from an adjacent transformer. The antenna pattern is omnidirectional so
that the receiving site may be located at any position within a given radius
of the unit.
The DMTF control unit provides remote control of zoom lens functions,
positioning the pan/tilt drive, and turning the video transmitter on and off.
A multiple digit password feature is incorporated into the DTMF control unit
and is factory set at 3 digits.
Dallas, Texas Police Department
(3) Miniature body transmitters, Model TX-903, 1 watt power output,
165.2125MHZ, 165.1875MHZ, and 169.3850MHZ.
(2) Disguised ditial pager alarm transmitter with FM Voice, model TX-788AT,
500mw power output, 165.1875MHZ and 165.2125MHZ.
(1) Envelope alarm transmitter, model TX-730, 120mw power output, 167.3575MHZ
(1) RF power amplifer Cat #91120, 1 watt input signal, 169.3850MHZ.
(2) Dynatech model T60 P12 DA disguse pager transmiter with alert tone.
(1) Dynatech model T60 E-1 low profile envelope transmitter.
(1) Dynatech model T100 disguise cigarette pack transmitter.


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This article is reprinted from Full Disclosure. Copyright (c) 1986
Capitol Information Association. All rights reserved. Permission is hereby
granted to reprint this article providing this message is included in its
entirety. Full Disclosure, Box 8275-CI3, Ann Arbor, Michigan 48107. $15/yr.
The Central Intelligence Agency like many revoluntionary organizations
(including the Russian KGB) organize their agent networks on a "cell" system,
with small groups who meet and carry out specific activities. The small groups
have very few connections with the rest of the organization. Typically, the
connections between cells will involve only one person in each cell. See
sample organizational chart prepared by the Central Intelligence Agency for use
in Nicaragua by the "Freedom Commandos" (reprinted from Psychological
Operations in Guerrilla Warfare, the CIA's Nicaragua manual).
When this structure is used and a member of a cell is discovered and forced
to talk, he can only inform on members of his own cell. If he was the person
with a connection to another cell it is possible that other cell will also be
compromised, but only after the connection is traced. However, the tracing
procedure is very slow, giving the organization time to regroup.
Although the tracing of the cell structure is very slow, intelligence
information can be passed to the main organization quickly.
The main problem with such a cell structure is that the messages which pass
through many cells can get grabled and since the cells have great autonomy they
sometimes work at cross purposes.
The CIA extends the cell system to include Police Departments, Labor
Unions, Student Associations, Medical Associations, Reporters/Editors etc.
These cells are created by recruiting (or placing) an agent within the
organization. The placement of the agent would depend on the main purpose of
infiltrating the organization: information or control. Usually, most of the
people in the "organization" cells don't know that they are working for the
Central Intelligence Agency.
In addition, the CIA controls numerous "private" corporations. Usually,
only a few of the top officers are aware of the CIA connection. The
corporations conduct normal business operations, and are also available to
provide services for the CIA whenever necessary.
A top-secret memorandum from Brigadier General Edward Lansdale to General
Maxwell Taylor published in The Pentagon Papers, described "unconventional
warfare resources in Southeast Asia" as follows:
CAT [Civil Air Transport] is a commerical
air line engaged in scheduled and nonscheduled
air operations throughout the Far East, with
headquarters and large maintenance facilities
in Taiwan. CAT, a CIA proprietary
[corporation], provides air logistical support
under commerical air cover to most CIA and
other U.S. Government Agencies' requirements.
CAT supports covert and clandestine air
operations by providing trained and experienced
personnel, procurement of supplies and
equipment through covert commerical channels,
and the maintenance of a fairly large inventory
of transport and other type aircraft under both
Chinat [Chinese Nationalist] and U.S. registry.
CAT has demonstrated its capabilities on
numerous occasions to meet all types of
contingency or long-term covert air
requirements in support of U.S. objectives.
During the last ten years, it has had some
notable achievements, including support of the
Chinese Nationalist withdrawal from the
mainland, air drop support to the French at
Dien Bien Phu, complete logistical and tactical
air support for the Indonesian operation, air
lifts of refugees from North Vietnam, more than
200 overflights of Mainland China and Tibet,
and extensive air support in Laos during the
current crisis...
When the goal is to control the organization, the agent would be in a
powerful place, like a Sergeant in a Police Department. This would enable the
CIA to make use of the Police Department resources, computer data banks,
officers, etc.
The police officers might perform surveillance on a target for the
Sergeant, not knowing that they were really working for the CIA. According to
Philip Agee/1, "Thousands of policemen all over the world, for instance, are
shadowing people for the CIA without knowing it. They think they're working
for their own police departments, when, in fact, their chief may be a CIA agent
who's sending them out on CIA jobs and turning their information over to his
CIA control".
Agents in Labor Unions can encourage strikes to cause economic difficulties
when the CIA wants to stir up political problems in foreign countries.
Reporters and editors can be used to plant propaganda in the press or have
information withheld when its in the CIA's best interest not to have it
printed/2.
When the goal is information collection the target organization would more
likely be other intelligence services, medical or technology associations. The
agent would be placed so that he would have access to as much information as
possible. This could be a communications or mail clerk, etc.
The CIA also targets banks for infiltration. They are good organizations
to provide cover for CIA personnel in foreign countries. The bank can provide
necessary accounts in bogus names. They can also provide faked account
balances so that background checks would out come out positive. Banks are also
used for funding mechanisms. The Bank of Boston was used for such purposes by
the CIA in Brazil/1.
When the cells aren't aware that they're working for the CIA, or think
they're working for someone else, they can be put to other devious uses. For
example, if the CIA controlled a cell which thought it worked for the PLO, they
could send it on a terrorist mission with the intent that they be caught. This
would have a two fold advantage for the CIA, first, the PLO would be blamed
(providing a good opportunity for the U.S. government to expouse propaganda
against the PLO), and secondly, it would allow the CIA to commit a terrorist
attack with extremely little risk of exposure -- to achieve a greater level of
interference in the affairs of foreign governments.
The CIA can also use cells within an organization which aren't aware of
their connection to the CIA for less devious purposes. For examples, they can
make public statement which have the effect of alienating their supporters.
When one section makes offensive public statements, major disruptions can occur
within the organization.
/1 Inside the Company: CIA Diary (by Philip Agee)
/2 See Full Disclosure article "I've Got a Secret"


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The World of Surveillance
COPYRIGHT (C) 1991 BY FULL DISCLOSURE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Surveillance (7906 Hope Valley Ct, Adamstown, MD 20710, $35/yr) reports on
phone taps via teleconferencing. This simple technique involves the
``tappers'' conference calling two parties he wishes to spy on. He then
listens and records the ensuring conversation. It is pointed out that this
technique is not universally applicable, but is limited to situations where
both parties normally answer the phone on the first ring. (And don't realize
that neither one called the other).
2600 (Box 752, Middle Island, NY 11953, $18/yr) reports that some cordless
phones, including the General Electric System 10, model 2-9675, transmits
phone conversation made through a standard phone when the unit is hooked up.
Most people would assume that when they didn't use the cordless handset,
their calls wouldn't be broadcast for any nosey neighbors or others to
monitor.
CAR CADDY
The Concealment or Car Caddy is a device to covertly record the conversations
of passengers in an automobile. It looks just like a litterbasket / snack
tray.
However, hidden inside is a tape recorder. It can either have one microphone
powered by a hearing aid battery or two powered by the tape recorder.
The SME-700 unit (stereo unit, with two microphones) sale is restricted only
to federal and state law enforcement agencies. However, the SME-RN36 unit is
available to anyone wishing to pay $385 for it. The SME-RN36 is configured
with a 2 hour recorder.
When asked what the reason for the restriction on the SME-700 was, Saul
Mineroff stated that ``it has certain features designed with federal agencies
and that was the agreement.''
The snack tray is slid back to activate the recorder and forward to turn it
off.
This unit is produced by Saul Mineroff Electronics, Inc., 574 Meacham Av,
Elmont, New York 11003, Phone: (516) 775 1370, Fax: (516) 775-1371.
When Saul Mineroff refused to openly provide information on the features of
the SME-700 recorder, Full Disclosure was able to obtain ``Confidential
Information on SME 700 Surveillance System.'' The SME 700 is actually, just
the recorder, which can go in the car caddy, be worn on the body or used in
another applicable situation. Following are excerpts from the document:
``Saul Mineroff, of Mineroff Electronics has worked for over a decade in
cooperation with the Drug Enforcement Administration and F.B.I. personnel
(along with various U.S. Governmental agencies) to develop a highly
sophisticated foolproof body surveillance recorder with simple operating
functions.
``The SME 700 Recorder is designed strictly for law enforcement agencies. The
sale of this unit will only be distributed to law enforcement personnel. Its
primary use and design is for the agent in the field.
``The SME 700 makes recordings in stereo. Because stereo utilizes two
channels, it is easier for the human ear to identify certain sounds in the
recordings (e.g. if multiple voices were recorded, it is easier to depict
each individual voice when recorded in stereo). After recordings are made on
the SME 700 Recorder they are played back on the SME 701 playback unit.
``There are many features fabricated into the SME 700 Recorder. The first
feature is the ability to record multiple voices and attenuate background
noise levels drastically. By using fast acting A.L.C., special filtering, and
compressing circuits, along with DNR (Dynamic Noise Reduction) in playback
unit, background noises are suppressed allowing the primary voices to be
recorded and played back.
``The SME 700 Recorder is non-detectable (via tape recorder detectors). The
circuit employs low frequency A-C bias, is completely shielded, and doesn't
generate radiation. Radiation is what tape recorder detectors detect.
The other features are mechanical in nature to prevent accidental operation.
MINIATURE BUG
This subminiature bug, is available in a VHF and UHF version. The 900mhz
version is pictured here (actual size). The manufacturer, ATET, Via G. Da
Verrazzano, 42, 10129 Torino, Italy, Phone: 011/ 59-04 93, Telex: 213273,
TOATET I, claims that the unit is the smallest crystal controlled units being
manufactured in the world today.
Both units work over a input voltage range of 3 to 12 volts providing maximum
flexibility in power sources. The power output ranges from
.7mw to 135mw on the VHF unit and 3mw to 20mw on the UHF depending
on input voltage.
Several adapters are available for the units: 1) Telephone adapter, converts
the module into a series telephone transmitter which obtains power from the
phone line, 2) External microphone adapter, converts the module into a
body-worn transmitter with the capability of total concealment, and 3)
Vehicle adapter, connects to the internal supply circuitry of a motor vehicle
and produces continuous transmission.
The VHF unit has a frequency range of 135 - 175 mhz FM. The UHF frequency
range is 700 - 1100mhz FM. The dimensions of both are 9 x 21 x 22 mm.
The most significant problem with these units is a frequency shift over time.
As you can see from the photograph, the unit was originally manufactured for
900.270mhz and shifted to 900.265mhz and 900.260mhz.
This particular unit was tested by the Drug Enforcement Administration.
The U.S. Distributor for these bugs is: Knox Security, 335 Greenwich Rd,
Greenwich, CT 06830, Phone: (203) 622-7300.
CIGARETTE LIGHTER
Pictured on page 9 with complete specifications below is a VHF
microtransmitter disguised in a non-functional cigarette lighter.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Please let us know what types of surveillance devices and information you'd
like to see here
The above is reprinted from Full Disclosure Newspaper. Subscribe today and
get interesting articles like the above, plus more... pictures, graphics,
advertisement, and more articles. Full Disclosure is your source for
information on the leading edge of surveillance technology. Print the
following form, or supply the information on a plain piece of paper:
----
Please start my subscription to Full Disclosure for:
[ ] Sample issue, $2.00
[ ] 12 issue subscription, $18.00
[ ] 24 issue subscription, $29.95
With 24 issue susbcription include free one of the following:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance
Also available separately:
[ ] Directory of Electronic Surveillance Equipment Suppliers, $6.00
[ ] Citizen's Guide on How to Use the Freedom of Info/Privacy Acts, $5.00
[ ] Maximizing PC Performance, $6.00
Illinois residences, add 6.5% sales tax on above 3 items.
Enclosed is payment in the form of:
[ ] Check/Money order, [ ] Visa, [ ] Mastercard
Card no:___________________________________ Exp date:_______
Signature:__________________________________________________
Phone:______________________________________________________
(required for credit card orders)
My name/address:
Name:_______________________________________________________
Street:_____________________________________________________
City/State/Zip:_____________________________________________
Return to: Full Disclosure, Box 903, Libertyville, Illinois 60048


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DUMPSTER DIVING
COPYRIGHT (C) 1991 BY FULL DISCLOSURE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
In light of the recent debates regarding the various activities of the
``hacking community'' and it various methods of collecting and distributing
information the following legal opinion by the Detroit, Michigan Police
Department is presented to give some insight on the activity refered to as
``Dumpster Diving.''
Not only does this opinion show that such an activity can be legal but that
it is not exclusive to the hackers, but is a investigative procedure of law
enforcement agencies:
SEARCH OF ABANDONED REFUSE
``A recent Michigan Court of Appeals decision concerns searches of rubbish
and garbage without a search warrant. Although courts in other states have
addressed the legality of such searches, no Michigan appellate court has ever
been confronted with the question.
``People v Richard Whotte aka Richard Breathour
``QUESTION: Is it ever legal to search rubbish and refuse for evidence if the
rubbish or refuse has not been set out for or picked up by trash collectors
if I do not first obtain a search warrant?
``ANSWER: Such searches without search warrants are permissible if they meet
the standards listed in People v Whotte.
``DISCUSSION:
``In People v Whotte, Mich App (Feb 1982), a Grosse Pointe Park detective was
investigating a hold-up of a bar when he had occasion to speak to a possible
subject at a two-family apartment. The detective noted that there was
domestic rubbish scattered in the backyard of a two-family flat and it
appeared that dogs, cats, or other animals had strewn the litter about the
yard in searching for foodstuffs. The detective noted credit card receipts
within the refuse in the name of the suspect. The next day, the detective
returned, re-examined the credit card receipts, and looked inside one of the
torn open bags in the yard, finding the suspect's wedding license and a
wallet of one of the victims. This information was elicited in testimony at
the circuit court. Upon this and other evidence, defendant was found guilty
and eventually appealed his conviction, unsuccessfully.
``Other states have addressed the issue of whether or not a search warrant is
needed to examine trash and have generally decided that such searches are
legal if the garbage has been left at a spot where the garbage is collected
by the collection service or if the garbage has lost its identity by being
mingled with other people's trash. The Michigan Court of Appeals has adopted
the Alaska rule, which attempts to determine if the search violates the trash
owner's reasonable expectations of privacy. That determination is made
considering these factors:
``1. Where the trash is located;
``2. Whether the dwelling is a multiple or single family unit;
``3. Who recovered the trash;
``4. Where the search of the trash takes place.
``Based on these standards, a search warrant is probably needed if the
rubbish is stored immediately outside a rear door of a single family dwelling
and only placed outside the back fence on trash collection day. However,
trash thrown onto a common heap in the backyard of a large apartment building
where roaming dogs strew it about would not require a warrant. Further,
although the test might indicate otherwise, trial courts will probably not
allow searches of trash inside of buildings even if there has been indication
of intent to abandon the trash.
``The test announced in this new case adopts a common sense approach as to
whether the trash has been abandoned or just removed from inside the house to
a more convenient location. Common sense would also dictate, though, that in
questionable circumstances, discretion favors obtaining a search warrant.
This case appears to be the state of the law in Michigan today, but is
subject to reversal by a superior court.
``Members having questions about this case are requested to contact the Legal
Advisor Unit at Centrex 4-4426 or Police Dial 346.
The above is reprinted from Full Disclosure Newspaper. Subscribe today and
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<BODY BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#00FF00" LINK="#00FF00" ALINK="#00AA00" VLINK="#00AA00">
<H1>
</H1>
<P>
<TABLE WIDTH=100%>
<TD BGCOLOR=#00FF00><FONT COLOR=#000000><B>Filename</B></FONT>
<TD BGCOLOR=#00DD00><FONT COLOR=#000000><B>Size</B></FONT>
<TD BGCOLOR=#00AA00><FONT COLOR=#000000><B>Description of the Textfile</B></TR>
<tab indent=60 id=T><br>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FUNHOUSE/funhouse-1.5">funhouse-1.5</A> <tab to=T><TD> 253834<BR><TD> Funhouse: The Cyberzine of Degenerate Pop Culture Issue #5 (October 20, 1994)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FUNHOUSE/v1n1.mar">v1n1.mar</A> <tab to=T><TD> 122497<BR><TD> FunHouse: The Cyberzine of Degenerate Pop Culture Issue #1 (March 22, 1993)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FUNHOUSE/v1n2.jul">v1n2.jul</A> <tab to=T><TD> 162301<BR><TD> FunHouse: The Cyberzine of Degenerate Pop Culture Issue #2 (July 22, 1993)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FUNHOUSE/v1n3.jan">v1n3.jan</A> <tab to=T><TD> 202332<BR><TD> FunHouse: The Cyberzine of Degenerate Pop Culture Issue #3 (December 29, 1993)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="FUNHOUSE/v1n4.txt">v1n4.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 232003<BR><TD> FunHouse: The Cyberzine of Degenerate Pop Culture Issue #4 (April 24, 1994)
</TABLE><P><TABLE WIDTH=100%><TR><TD ALIGN=RIGHT><SMALL>There are 5 files for a total of 972,967 bytes.</SMALL></TABLE><P>
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<TITLE>T E X T F I L E S</TITLE>
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<H1>
</H1>
<P>
<TABLE WIDTH=100%>
<TD BGCOLOR=#000000><FONT COLOR=#FFFFFF><B>Filename</B></FONT>
<TD BGCOLOR=#002200><FONT COLOR=#FFFFFF><B>Size</B></FONT>
<TD BGCOLOR=#004400><FONT COLOR=#FFFFFF><B>Description of the Textfile</B></TR>
<tab indent=60 id=T><br>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="funhouse-1.5">funhouse-1.5</A> <tab to=T><TD> 253834<BR><TD> Funhouse: The Cyberzine of Degenerate Pop Culture Issue #5 (October 20, 1994)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="v1n1.mar">v1n1.mar</A> <tab to=T><TD> 122497<BR><TD> FunHouse: The Cyberzine of Degenerate Pop Culture Issue #1 (March 22, 1993)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="v1n2.jul">v1n2.jul</A> <tab to=T><TD> 162301<BR><TD> FunHouse: The Cyberzine of Degenerate Pop Culture Issue #2 (July 22, 1993)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="v1n3.jan">v1n3.jan</A> <tab to=T><TD> 202332<BR><TD> FunHouse: The Cyberzine of Degenerate Pop Culture Issue #3 (December 29, 1993)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="v1n4.txt">v1n4.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 232003<BR><TD> FunHouse: The Cyberzine of Degenerate Pop Culture Issue #4 (April 24, 1994)
</TABLE><P><TABLE WIDTH=100%><TR><TD ALIGN=RIGHT><SMALL>There are 5 files for a total of 972,967 bytes.</SMALL></TABLE><P>
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<H1>Electronic Magazines: Globe Trotter</H1>
<P>
Hailing from Australia, this computer hacking-centric magazine produced a few
very good issues with a concentration of Australian and New Zealand information.
The writing is clear and the attempt at regular columns was well-thought out.
It must have been a very tiring year for "THE FORCE", and the effort shows.
<P>
<TABLE WIDTH=100%>
<TD BGCOLOR=#00FF00><FONT COLOR=#000000><B>Filename</B><BR></FONT></TD>
<TD BGCOLOR=#00DD00><FONT COLOR=#000000><B>Size</B><BR></FONT></TD>
<TD BGCOLOR=#00AA00><FONT COLOR=#000000><B>Description of the Textfile</B><BR></TD></TR>
<tab indent=60 id=T><br>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GLOBETROTTER/globe1.txt">globe1.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 77939<BR><TD> Globe Trotter Issue #1: January 1, 1988
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GLOBETROTTER/globe2.txt">globe2.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 32272<BR><TD> Globe Trotter Issue #2: February 2, 1988
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GLOBETROTTER/globe3.txt">globe3.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 63489<BR><TD> Globe Trotter Issue #3: March 29, 1988
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GLOBETROTTER/globe4.txt">globe4.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 63724<BR><TD> Globe Trotter Issue #4: May 14, 1988
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GLOBETROTTER/globe5.txt">globe5.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 62064<BR><TD> Glove Trotter Issue #5: August 14, 1988
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GLOBETROTTER/globe6.txt">globe6.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 100546<BR><TD> Globe Trotter Issue #6: September 1988
</TABLE><P><TABLE WIDTH=100%><TR><TD ALIGN=RIGHT><SMALL>There are 6 files for a total of 400,034 bytes.</SMALL></TABLE><P>
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<TITLE>T E X T F I L E S</TITLE>
<BODY BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#000000" LINK="#000000" ALINK="#004400" VLINK="#004400">
<H1>Electronic Magazines: Globe Trotter</H1>
<P>
Hailing from Australia, this computer hacking-centric magazine produced a few
very good issues with a concentration of Australian and New Zealand information.
The writing is clear and the attempt at regular columns was well-thought out.
It must have been a very tiring year for "THE FORCE", and the effort shows.
<P>
<TABLE WIDTH=100%>
<TD BGCOLOR=#000000><FONT COLOR=#FFFFFF><B>Filename</B><BR></FONT></TD>
<TD BGCOLOR=#002200><FONT COLOR=#FFFFFF><B>Size</B><BR></FONT></TD>
<TD BGCOLOR=#004400><FONT COLOR=#FFFFFF><B>Description of the Textfile</B><BR></TD></TR>
<tab indent=60 id=T><br>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="globe1.txt">globe1.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 77939<BR><TD> Globe Trotter Issue #1: January 1, 1988
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="globe2.txt">globe2.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 32272<BR><TD> Globe Trotter Issue #2: February 2, 1988
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="globe3.txt">globe3.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 63489<BR><TD> Globe Trotter Issue #3: March 29, 1988
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="globe4.txt">globe4.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 63724<BR><TD> Globe Trotter Issue #4: May 14, 1988
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="globe5.txt">globe5.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 62064<BR><TD> Glove Trotter Issue #5: August 14, 1988
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="globe6.txt">globe6.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 100546<BR><TD> Globe Trotter Issue #6: September 1988
</TABLE><P><TABLE WIDTH=100%><TR><TD ALIGN=RIGHT><SMALL>There are 6 files for a total of 400,034 bytes.</SMALL></TABLE><P>
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- G L O B E T R O T T E R -
+=+=+=||===============================================================||=+=+=+
+ Volume #2, File #1 Date: 23/02/1988 +
+ +
+ +
+ Written By: ----====} THE FORCE {====---- From The depths of THE REALM +
+=+=+=||:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::||=+=+=+
TO CONTACT US:
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Germany: ALTOS NUA: 026245890040004 Username: force
Australia: Any Good BBS In Melbourne or The Realm
Usa: Haven't found a suitable BBS as yet
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
FROM THE EDITOR:
Ok, so here we are again. Another Edition of GLOBE TROTTER over and done with.
This one took about 100 hours of work to put together and it's not as flash
as the last one, but I'll make it up to you next time. I am saving the best
for last.
We have to do something about the hacking situation in this country.
At the moment, it is all rather dismal, and I bet even mr Gill and the HACK
WATCH gang are having nightmares. So please get into it, and remember if
there are no hackers Mr GILL's Multi-million dollar security Company will
go out of business. Since Bullshiting his clients is what he does best,
how is he going to feed his family if there is no threat from us to combat?
That's about all. I will see you on the networks and untill next time,
Catch Ya Later
----====} THE FORCE {====----
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I N D E X
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
R E G U L A R F E A T U R E S
--------------------------------
- Outdial Systems: We have few more outdial systems. The ANF is
still alive and Kicking so there is no new
International Outdial.
- Unusual Systems: In this Edition, NUA's to ISA BBS, CHEM NET BB
and few other interestings things.
- System Passwords: A couple of Primenet and Vax Accounts.
- Trix of The Trade Keeping Unwanted folk off Minerva and Other
Prime or Dialcom Systems.
- Hack Of The Month Some Sort of a Financial Analysis Unix in
the USA.
- Network Profile: This month we feature New Zealands PACNET and
have as complete scan of the network as possible.
N O T S O R E G U L A R F E A T U R E S
----------------------------------------------
- Sprint Vs Scan Break out the history books because this is
how it all came to be.
- DNICS A compiled list of all the known packet switching
networks in the world. (known to me that is)
- Datapac Outdials A sneak Preview of what is to come in Volume #3
and #4. The actual Outdial list supplied by
DATAPAC. The thing they forgot to mention, is
just how many of them there are out there.
- Primenet Glory Some useful info On Hacking Primes Etc.
===============================================================================
OUTDIAL SYSTEMS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The ANF VEN TEL outdial is still going strong, so untill it dies, I will not
release another outdial with international capability. There are however a
few more outdials I came a cross which you might like to have a look at.
The prompt it gives, is identical to the HOUSTON OUTDIAL PORT (Now Password
Protected), which used to be a first class system, however I have not been able
to get it to dial. I don't have all that much time to play with them, but
if you can get them to work, please let me know.
NUA: 03106001892 Clearwater Outdial, In Florida
NUA: 03106006180 Toronto Outdial
These two operate on identical systems so if you can get one to work, the
other will follow. I have more NUA's to similar outdials so it would be
nice to get them going.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
UNUSUAL SYSTEMS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I promised you the NUA for ISE BBS, Instrumental Science Engineers Mob I
think, but the NUA for this board has been going round for quite a while,
and on top of that I can't find it, so look for it yourselves. It's on
TELENET somewhere in the 6xx area I THINK.
311061400021 STN International - There are 2 good systems on this
Gateway.
d - Ultrix Organic Chem BBS Login: newuser
g - Unix, Login: guest
That's about all for this issue. I'll see what I can dig up for the next one.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SYSTEM PASSWORDS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have few Primenets, still in the USA and a Rather Nice VAX on PACNET
New Zealand since we feature this rather small network this month.
(Please note that when I say Rather Nice, I am speaking relativelly to
The other accounts)
0530173000000 Forest Ministry VAX/VMS V4.6 Login: GUEST
Notes: You will have to figure out for yourself how to crash
out into DCL hehehe.
031106030002015 PRIMENET 18.2.1 A Dartmouth System Login: GAMES
Notes: The Games Directory seems to be deleted so you may have
problems, but the good thing about this prime is that it
tells you whether an ID is valid or not before you enter
the password, which makes things rather easy.
0311061700255 PRIMENET 20.2.3vR9.A PBN43 Login: TEST
Notes: This is a tough son of a bitch to hack, but it will get
you that one step closer.
This is the last primement I have in the USA, which I am going to publish
in these here files so next month few more in Germany and ISRAEL, and then
I'll make an assult on the UNIX, VAX and DG AOS/VS systems.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TRIX OF THE TRADE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DIALCOM PRIVACY
I am not sure who was the one that first told me about this, but it was most
probabably the late TB1, god rest his soul. This is just a little bit
different and I will not give you the full story since it would ruin it if
everyone knew about it.
On most systems running Primos, like MINERVA, if you are using an account and
you don't want anyone else logging in at the same time, like the real user
for example and finding what you are doing, simply do this.
>ED
TYPE SYSTEM IS UNAVAILABLE AT THIS TIME
COMO -N
CHAT <ID> (or MESSAGE <ID> which ever works where ID is the ID you are on)
LOG
<CR>
SAVE C_ID
>
ok, just type what is above, ">" not included. it will create a file which
will be executed automatically at login. >ED invokes the text editor,
TYPE ..... will type that message so real user will not get worried. You
can also say to call back in 5 minutes etc.
COMO -N switches off the terminal, so that the person logging on can't see
what happens from there.
CHAT ID or MESSAGE ID, will send you a message, to inform you that another
user has tried to log on. You can either not pay any attention if it happens
to be another hacker, but if it's the real user, it's better to delete
all traces of your presence and leave to call back after he has finished.
OH YES, important! Please remember to delete the C_ID file before you
leave or this will happen the next time you try to log on. if you happen to
loose your account over this, please look me up, since there are things you
can do I haven't told you about.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HACK OF THE MONTH
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
System: Unix Traders. Financial Analysis System
Location: USA
Network: TYMNET
Date: 12/02/88
Hacked By: ----====} THE FORCE {====----
Sample Login:
...............................................................................
@ C :03106070227 -FCTY
Circuit #1
03106070227 Connected
P 2
HOST IS ON LINE
H.05 D (traders)
login: chip
password:
Trading 9000.
news: delete.bak lookat whatis useterm timex scatter oldnews names graph findme
fstcalendar displayc delete careful
chip
MAIN MENU
1 Off the Runs, Currents & Duration Graphs
2 Tables ( price/yield sheets, parity, treasury formulas )
3 What-ifs ( implied RP's, carry, etc. )
4 End of Day & Utilities
5 Japanese Security Analysis
6 Futures and Options
7 Corporates
8 Basis Calculations
9 Historical Analysis, LOTUS Programs
10 Mortgage Analysis
? - HELP Page
11 Gov't and Agency Market Trackers
12 Computer Tools
exit) exit
&f1k8d2LCurrents1
&f2k15d3LMarket Tracker11
&f3k13d3LOff the Runs12
&f4k6d2LTables2
&f5k8d2LWhat-ifs3
&f6k13d2LJapanese Secs5
&f7k15d2LFutures Options6
&f8k4d5xitexit
&jBexit
[number][letter]:
@ D
03106xx0xxx Disconnected
...............................................................................
SPRINT VS SCAN
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you ever call a US board and mention to a local PHREAKER or HACKER that you
have some NUA Sprints, he will have nothing but this blank expression on his
face, with the words "HUH?" on his lips. (Stupid Yanks, they were the ones who
invented the term in the first place). Let me tell you about the history of
SPRINTING.
Once MA BELL was split up into a bunch of smaller phone companies to break
her monopoly on the communications business, it all started. A company was
formed called sprint. The US PHREAKS soon caught on to the fact that if they
had a Sprint code, they could dial anywhere in the world free of charge.
The sprint code is like a NUI for the DATA NETWORKS. It's just an account
number to which the call gets billed, so if you happened to have a Sprint code,
you were in business. To obtain such a code, they systematically scanned
all possible number combinations till they got the right one. That became
known as Sprinting. That is, ringing up SPRINT and Trying one combination
after another. The term sprinting was adopted in Australia to mean
systematically trying passwords, codes, numbers etc on any system. The
term 'SPRINTING', has never caught much in the states where they refer to
SCANNING and thus the confussion.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DNICS
~~~~~
I scoured the various Databases kept by the various networks and compiled the
following list. Note that not all DNICS can be accessed from all the networks,
especially from Austpac or MIDAS, which don't cary data to a lot of the
networks. For example: Calls to China can be made only via DATEX-P and some
of the American Networks. (This could have been changed by now).
To find out the individual data carrying contracts between the various
networks, either check the various Online Dbases, or contact the network
support. Contacts are given with each Network Profile.
I am still amazed why the people can't aggree on simple things such as DNICS
and NETWORK NAMES especially. In some cases, I have found that for the
same data network, each data base I have checked had a different DNIC and
Network Name. In that case, I have listed all of the data supplied, and you
can decide which one you think is correct.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++ Countries connected to the International Packet Switching Stream ++
++ (or is it Service?) ++
++ Brought to you by ----====} THE FORCE {====---- ++
++ thanx to: HOSTESS, DATAPAC, TYMNET, TELEBOX and TELENET ++
++ ++
++ From the depths of - THE REALM - 22/12/86 Updated: 22/02/88 ++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
COUNTRY NETWORK DNIC COUNTRY NETWORK DNIC
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
ALASKA ALASKANET 3135
ANTIGUA AGANET 3443 ARGENTINA ARPAC 7222
ARGENTINA ARPAC 7220 AUSTRALIA MIDAS 5053
AUSTRALIA AUSTPAC 5052 AUSTRIA RADIO AUSTRIA 2320
AUSTRIA DATEX-L 2321 AUSTRIA DATEX-P 2322
AUSTRIA DATEX-L 2324 AUSTRIA DATEX-L 2325
AUSTRIA DATEX-L 2326 AUSTRIA RADAUS 2329
BAHAMAS IDAS 3406 BAHAMAS BATELCO 3640
BAHRAIN BAHNET/IDAS 4263 BARBADOS IDAS 3423
BELGIUM DCS 2062 BELGIUM DCS-TELEX 2068
BELGIUM DCS-PSTN 2069 BERMUDA BERMUDANET 3503
BRAZIL INTERDATA 7240 BRAZIL RENPAC 7241
BRAZIL RENPAC 7249 BRAZIL RENPAC 7248
BULGARIA BULPAC 2841 CAMEROON CAMPAC 6242
CANADA DATAPAC 3020 CANADA GLOBEDAT 3025
CANADA INFOGRAM 3028 CANADA INFOSWITCH 3029
CAYMAN ISLANDS IDAS 3463 CHILE ECOM 7300
CHILE ENTEL 7302 CHILE ECOM 7303
CHINA PKTELCOM 4600 COLUMBIA DAPAQ-INTER. 3107
COLUMBIA DAPAQ 7320 COTE D IVOIRE SYTRANPAC 6122
COSTA RICAA RASCA 7120 CUBA - -
CURACAO/NETH.AN. UDTS/LSDS 3620 CURACAU/NETH.AN. UDTS-CORACAU 3400
DENMARK DATEX-L 2381
DENMARK DATAPAK 2382 DENMARK DATAPAK 2383
DOMINICAN REP. UDTS-PDIA 3300 EGYPT ARENTO -
EGYPT TECHN.SERVCE - FINLAND DATEX-L 2441
FINLAND FINPAK 2442 FRANCE TRANSPAC 2080
FRANCE NTI 2081 FRENCH ANTILLES DOMPAC 3400
FRENCH GUIANA DOMPAC 7420 FRENCH POLYNESIA TOMPAC 5420
FRENCH POLONESIA TOMPAC-PF 5470
GABON GABONPAC 6282 GERMANY(FED REP) DATEX-L 2622
GERMANY(FED REP) DATEX-P INT 2624 GREECE HELPAC 2022
GUAM LSDS 3113
GUAM LSD/DACNET 5350 GUATEMALA GUATEL 7040/3440
HAWAII DASNET 3106 HONDURAS HONDUTEL 7080
HONG KONG IDAS/INTELPAK 4542 HONG KONG PSDS 4544
HONG KONG DATAPAK 4545 HUNGARY DATEX-L 2160
HUNGARY NEDIX 2161 HUNGARY DATEX 2621
ICELAND ICEPAC 2740 INDONESIA SKDP 5101
IRISH REP IPSS(EIRE) 2721 IRISH REP EIRPAC 2724
ISRAEL IMPACS 3104
ISRAEL ISRANET 4251 ITALY DARDO 2222
ITALY ITALCABLE 2220 ITALY ITAPAC 2227
JAPAN VENUS-P/NTTI 4408 JAPAN DDX-P/KDD 4401
JAPAN ICAS - JAMAICA JAMANTEL 3380
KUWAIT via Bahrain 4263 LUXEMBOURG LUXPAC 2704
LUXENBOUTG LUXPAC-PSTN 2709 MALAYSIA MAYPAC/MAYNET 5021
MAROC - - MEXICO TELEPAC 3340
NETHERLANDS DATANET 1 2040 NETHERLANDS DATANET 1 2041
NETHERLANDS DABAS 2044 NETHERLANDS DATANET 1 2049
NEW CALEDONIA TOMPAS 5460 NEW ZEALAND PACNET 5301
NEW ZEALAND OASIS 3113 NORTH MARIANAS PACNET 5351
NORWAY DATEX-L 2421 NORWAY DATAPAK 2422
OMAN - - PANAMA - 7140
PANAMA INTELPA 7141
PERU ENTEL/IMPACS 3104 PHILIPPINES GMCR 5150
PHILIPPINES CAPWIRE 5151 PHILIPPINES EPTI/PC 5152
PHILIPPINES PHILCOM 5154 PHILIPPINES EASTNET 5156
PORTUGAL TELEPAK 2680 PORTUGAL SABD 2682
PUERTO RICO UDTS-1 3300 PUERTO RICO PDIA 3301
QUATAR via Bahrain 4263 REUNION DOMPAC 6470
SAN MARIO - 2922 SAUDI ARABIA via Bahrain 4263
SENEGAL - - SINGAPORE TELEPAC 5252
SINGAPORE TELEPAC 5258 SOUTH AFRICA SAPONET 6550
SOUTH AFRICA SAPOPAC 6559 SOUTH KOREA DACOM-NET 4501
SOUTH KOREA DDS 4503 SPAIN TIDA/NID 2141
SPAIN IBERPAC 2145 SWEDEN DATEX-L 2401
SWEDEN DATAPAK 2402 SWEDEN TELEPAK 2405
SWITZERLAND TELEPAC 2284 SWITZERLAND RADIO SUISSE 2289
SWITZERLAND TELEPAC 2280 TAIWAN UDAS 4877
TAIWAN PACNET 4872 THAILAND IDARC 5200
THAILAND IMPACS 3104
TRINIDAD TEXTEL 3740 TRINIDAD TEXDAT/DATANET 3745
TUNISIA - - TURKEY - 2682
UN.ARAB EMIRTS. TELEX/EMOAN 4243 UN.ARAB.EMIRTS. TEDAS 4310
UN.ARAB EMIRTS. EMDAN 4241 UN.ARAB.EMIRTS. IMPACS 3104
UN.ARAB.EMIRTS. UDTS-1 3107 UK C&W MERCRY 2350
UK HULL T.C. 2352 UK PSS 2342
UK IPSS 2341 USA AUTONET 3126
USA COMPUSERVE 3132 USA DATA TRANSPORT 3102
USA FTCC 3124 USA MARKNET 3136
USA MCII-IMPACS 3104 USA RCA-LSDS 3113
USA ITT-UDTS II 3103 USA TELENET 3110
USA ITT UDTS I 3107
USA TELENET 3125 USA ACCUNET 3134
USA TRT-DATAPAK 3119 USA TYMNET 3106
USA WUTCO 3101 USA SNET-CONNET 3140
USA TELENET 3127 USA DATEX-L 3129
USA NET EXPRESS 3139 USA PULSE LINK 3142
USA TELEGLOBE 3025 VENEZUELA PDVSA-P -
VIRGIN ISLANDS DATANETT 3745 VIRGIN ISLANDS UDTS-1 3320
YUGOSLAVIA YUAPAC 2201 ZIMBABWE ZIMNET 6482
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- If you have any additional information or corrections for this list, please -
- Contact me if you can. -
- -
- Catch Ya Later -
- ----====} THE FORCE {====---- -
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- G L O B E T R O T T E R -
+=+=+=||===============================================================||=+=+=+
+ Volume #2, File #2 Date: 23/02/1988 +
+ +
+ +
+ Written By: ----====} THE FORCE {====---- From The depths of THE REALM +
+=+=+=||:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::||=+=+=+
DATAPAC OUTDIALS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know you are all sick of DATAPAC OUTDIALS, but they are usefull for dialing
outside systems in Canada. Every outdial port on DATAPAC (Not Privatelly
owned), services only a particular area, which explains why there are so many
of them. (BUT DOES IT?, And Just how Many Are There?).
The unusual thing you will find, is that outdials in a particular areas, are
all password protected. Another thing is that from some outdials you can
make calls to america. They were not designed for this, so I just imagine
it's some kind of a fault with the outdial itself.
The following is the actual outdial list supplied by DATAPAC, intended for
public use. It is only a small sample (about 1/20 of the total number)
of what you will find in Volume #3.
DATAPAC OUTDIAL PUBLIC DIAL PORT NUMBERS
========================================
LOCATION 300 BPS 1200 BPS
-------- ------- --------
VANCOUVER B.C. 67100900 67100901
CALGARY ALTA. 63300900 63300901
EDMONTON ALTA. 58700900 58700901
REGINA SASK. 72100900 72100901
SASKATOON SASK. 71100900 71100901
WINNIPEG MAN. 69200902 69200901
TORONTO ONT. 91600901 91600902
CLARKSON ONT. 91900900 91900901
LONDON ONT. 35600900 35600901
WINDSOR ONT. 29500900 29500901
KITCHENER ONT. 33400900 33400901
HAMILTON ONT. 38500900 38500901
OTTAWA ONT. 85700901 85700902
MONTREAL QUE. 82700902 82700903
QUEBEC QUE. 48400900 48400901
HALIFAX N.S. 76100900 76100901
SAINT JOHN N.B. 74600900 74600901
ST. JOHN'S NFLD. 78100900 78100901
Notes: The above is very useful, because it links DATAPAC NUA's
with the geographical location. Datapac has a well defined area
for all the NUA's, much like TELENET, but the only problem is that
The area numbers of the NUA's don't match the PTSN Codes for the same
area. If you can't follow that, get out the phone book and have a
look at what I mean. More about that next month.
PRIME GLORY
~~~~~~~~~~~
I am not ashamed to admit it, but PRIMES of any sorts are my favourite systems.
I am absolutelly in love with the Netlink Gateway most of them have.
It was my intention to publish a complete commands list for various versions
of primos, namelly PRIMENET and DIALCOM, however the files are rather big
and not much use to many hackers so I'll leave them out. Anyone who needs
such a command list, just search the directories of the prime you are using,
since there is a good chance the file is there. Some PRIMENETS have the
file displayed when you type HELP. If you can't find it, then just refer to
the FORCE FILES, where you will find a DIALCOM and PRIMENET (some dicky
version) Command lists.
Oh, you don't know what a FORCE FILE is?
Well, I'll be refering to them quite a bit for additional information. In any
case this is the story:
Aproximatelly half a year ago, I got really pissed off with hacking, the
atitude of people and things in general. A sort of a depp reaction triggered
by a particular person. Basically I decided to give up hacking all together.
Last thing I did was write the FORCE FILES which contained a lot of the
info I accumulated over the last few years. The files are nothing briliant,
but I will be refering to them quite a bit for additional information from
time to time which I don't want to repeat in GLOBE TROTTER. One other
thing to note, is that the NUA lists in the FORCE FILES were more edited and
rather outdated by now.
Now you know about force files, oh yes the reason I got back into hacking
few weeks later is rather obvious to anyone who has been addicted to anything.
Now Back to primes. Primenets in particular are not the easiest to hack, but
like most systems they have their faults. Old versions, particularly the
ones using Primos revision 17.something and 18. something actually tell you
whether a USERNAME is valid before you are asked for a password. This
simplifies things a lot, but it's not so easy with the later versions.
Oh yes, the only place you are going to find versions 17.4 and lower are
countries like BRAZIL etc, which thanx to THE WIZARD you will see in a few
months time. On these primitive versions, one could often type a username,
and when asked for a password press CTRL-C and be dumped passed login into
primos. Nifty No?
The current versions are little bit harder to hack and the only way I think
is with inside information or if the defaults are intact. Primes like VAX's
come with a number of standard Usernames, which the sys opers are known to
leave as is. some of the common defaults you can try are:
DEMO/DEMO, SYSTEM/SYSTEM, PRIME/PRIME, GAMES/GAMES, DOS/DOS, TEST/TEST
TEST/PRIME, BATCH/BATCH, NETMAN etc.
I was actually going to publish a listing of all the primenets I have in all my
sprints, but then I realised the horror of going through all the 100+ files
and picking out the primes. I think it will be better just to give you all
the Sprints and you can pick out the primes for yourselves. If you are
looking for a place to find a lot of primes, I can recomend BRAZIL, and
JAPAN, where the percentage of primes vs other systems is rather high.
As far as Sprinting goes, all of the sprints were done using the NETLINK
gateway. It's the only way of doing it. Well, Scanning from a VAX has
it's advantages in that you can more easilly set it up as a batch job
and have it running while you're not online. This is also possible with
Primes, if you have phantom privs, but I haven't found a way to disconnect
from a NUA other than timeout if it connects. It is still great for
exploring new networks, where all you need is but one NUA to guess the
NUA structure. Another possibility would be a scanner written in CPL,
but that is beyond me at the moment, and the only one I have seen didn't
work all that well.
You will find a copy of the Primos Sprinter in the Force Files, but the
new version of the program I will not be releacing. With the New version,
you can hook up two primes in parallel, and if both have a reasonably large
number of outgoing ports, you can achieve very fast scanning speeds. The
fastest I have managed so far is something like 500 NUA's a second. The only
problem is that you need very fast host responces to do it. It works lets say
from MIDAS scanning MIDAS NUA's or PACNET NUA's, but it is impossible to
achieve this efficincy scanning TELENET from MIDAS for example. I assume
there is a dedicated line between MIDAS and PACNET which gives you the
instant responce since no other switching is involved.
The last thing I want to talk about is DIALCOM sytems. They also run Primos
and are quite fun as long as they have NETLINK. I will explain them in more
detail in a couple of months time.
NETWORK PROFILE: P A C N E T
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dnic: 5301
Location: NEW ZEALAND
Owners: Probably The Government.
Host Responce: Excelent
Network Rating: Fair
Nua Structure: 5301 000 00 0000 00
<DNIC> <AREA> <HOST NUMBER> <OPTIONAL SUB-ADDRESS>
OR: 5301 000 000 000 00
<DNIC> <AREA> <PTSN EXCHANGE> <HOST NUMBER> <SUB ADDRESS>
Contacts: Questions about International Service can be addressed to:
Telecommunications Division
Post Office Headquarters
Waterloo Quay
Wellington 1, New Zealand
Contact: Mr. A.E. Ryan (64.4) 73 84 44
Mr. Brian Mitchell
Telex: (7910 3381
OnTyme: INTL.NZPOMKTGSALL
ACCESS/SPEEDS: Dial-up: 110, 150, 200, 300, 1200/75 bps asynchronous
Leased Line: 300 and 1200 bps asynchronous
Leased Line: 2400, 4800 and 9600 bps synchronous
PROTOCOLS: X.25, Asynchronous terminal interface
Notes: At first I thought The NUA structure was that of TELENET ie the
first one listed and as such, the entire sprint has been done to that
format. However, because of the small number of systems that have been
found and only in some cities, I now believe that the local phone
exchange is also used in the NUA. As such it makes it uneconomical
to Sprint therefore you will have to live with the following list.
P A C N E T 5301xxx00xxx Sprint, By: ---===} THE FORCE {===---
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From the depths of - THE REALM - 22/02/1988
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
530121000018 -
530124000016 VAX/VMS - OUVAX3
530130000012 VAX/VMS - Electronic Engineering System ELECVA VAX
530130000014 - (Echo's Chars)
530130000021 -
530130000034 VAX/VMS - C0COM Computer Services Center MicroVax
530130000065 HP-3000 -
530130000072 -
530130000085 VAX/VMS - Christchurch School of Medicine
530130000095 -
530130000116 -
530154000012 -
530157000001 -
530163000002 -
530163000005 -
530163000014 -
530163000030 -
530167000000 Primos 20.1.1.NZC - PRIMENET 20.1.1.NZC BBK
530171000004 VAX/VMS 11/780 - University Of Waikato
530171000007 -
530171000029 VAX/VMS - MIRIUZ Computer System
530171000036 -
530173000000 VAX/VMS V4.6 - Ministry of Forestry Node RBMOF
530173000006 Primos 20.2.4v - PRIMENET 20.2.4V P9755
530173000024 - Baycorp Information Services
530173000025 -
530179000008 -
530188400001 VAX/VMS - Northern Wairoa Vax
So here we are, the end of another file. There was nothing here as far as
NUA's go, but I have been working flat out on DATAPAC which has got massive
ammounts of NUA's so I'll try to get that completed. The first part of
DATAPAC will be in GLOBE TROTTER Volume #3. From there on, the ammount of
information will decrease due to the lack of NUI'S and other PRIME accounts.
A passionate plea: If anyone has NUI'S AUSTPAC ones in particular and
any primes with Netlink, please let me know, perhaps
we can make an exchange for info you are not likelly to
see here.
Lastly, if anyone has any articles or information they would like to
contribute, please contact me. We will all appreciate it, especially me,
since it's a nighmare to come up with all this stuff every month.
IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF GLOBE TROTTER, Volume #3
===============================================================================
- Featuring: CANADIAN Data network DATAPAC with a first part of a
complete scan.
- BT GOLD, The greates failure and a years work down the drain.
- I have a month to come up with something, so who knows what will happen,
but if it does, you are going to hear about it.
===============================================================================

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<HTML>
<TITLE>T E X T F I L E S</TITLE>
<BODY BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#00FF00" LINK="#00FF00" ALINK="#00AA00" VLINK="#00AA00">
<H1>Greeny World Domination</H1>
<P>
Greeny World Domination answers the question of what they are in their own FAQ:
<P>
<PRE>
Q: What is this whole GwD thing, anyway?
A: GwD is a paramilitary fanatical political activist group dedicated to
making GREENY, son of the goddess Grene, Emperor of the world.
Q: So are you political or religious?
A: We're pseudo-political AND quasi-religious. After all, politics and
religion are the same thing. Pray to the President and vote for God.
Q: What do you do?
A: We publish an e-zine and we raise hell. We used to write stupid programs,
but we quit. Basically, we plan for world Domination and we have fun doing
it.
Q: Are you better than me?
A: Yes, unless you're in GwD.
</PRE>
<P>
Having said that, the files range on all sorts of subjects, and have
that common trait among long-lived groups: They start to take most anything
after the first few years. Worth a dive.
<P>
<TABLE WIDTH=100%>
<TD BGCOLOR=#00FF00><FONT COLOR=#000000><B>Filename</B><BR></FONT></TD>
<TD BGCOLOR=#00DD00><FONT COLOR=#000000><B>Size</B><BR></FONT></TD>
<TD BGCOLOR=#00AA00><FONT COLOR=#000000><B>Description of the Textfile</B><BR></TD></TR>
<tab indent=60 id=T><br>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/5thanniv.txt">5thanniv.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7215<BR><TD> An Invitation to the Greeny World Domination 5th Anniversary Party (June 10th, 1998)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd-1996.txt">gwd-1996.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 11495<BR><TD> The Greeny World Domination Sepcial Issue: GwD and 1996 (December 31, 1995)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd-fpq.txt">gwd-fpq.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7274<BR><TD> The Greeny World Domination Frequently Posted Questions
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd01.txt">gwd01.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2791<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Introduction (June 10, 1993)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd02.txt">gwd02.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3909<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Story of GREENY by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd03.txt">gwd03.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4128<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The List of Items Every Droog Should Own
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd04.txt">gwd04.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7956<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: War, a Costly Way to Solve a Problem by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd05.txt">gwd05.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5290<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Rex et son ami Louis, by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd06.txt">gwd06.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6791<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Quotes Volume I, by Lobo and Seth the Man
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd07.txt">gwd07.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5048<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Poor School Districts by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd08.txt">gwd08.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6535<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Price
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd09.txt">gwd09.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4329<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: "Sue of St. Louis" by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd10.txt">gwd10.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4788<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Spanky's Claim to Fame by Spanky McDougal
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd100.txt">gwd100.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 502892<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Lamest Textfile Ever! GWD #100 (May 25, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd101.txt">gwd101.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1958<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: My T.I. Little Maestro by KP Neato Dee (June 11, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd102.txt">gwd102.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9451<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The CIA Hit List by Lawrence Wilmot (June 11, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd103.txt">gwd103.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7837<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Genesis of Feminism by Priest (June 11, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd104.txt">gwd104.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2576<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: CHiPs, by Franken Gibe (June 11, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd105.txt">gwd105.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 10697<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Risk and Uncertainty in Bernstein's Against the Gods, by Otis (June 11, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd106.txt">gwd106.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 12368<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd107.txt">gwd107.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6357<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd108.txt">gwd108.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2079<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd109.txt">gwd109.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9769<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd11.txt">gwd11.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6993<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Censorship, the School Play, by Lobo and Spanky McDougal
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd110.txt">gwd110.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2862<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd111.txt">gwd111.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2203<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd112.txt">gwd112.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 24668<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd113.txt">gwd113.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7365<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd114.txt">gwd114.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9420<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd115.txt">gwd115.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2941<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd116.txt">gwd116.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 24488<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd117.txt">gwd117.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1728<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd118.txt">gwd118.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4612<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd119.txt">gwd119.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3907<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd12.txt">gwd12.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 13591<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Faith No More: The Real Thing
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd120.txt">gwd120.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3161<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd121.txt">gwd121.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3603<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd122.txt">gwd122.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8669<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd123.txt">gwd123.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4108<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd124.txt">gwd124.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3589<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd125.txt">gwd125.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2340<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd126.txt">gwd126.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 24946<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd127.txt">gwd127.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4791<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd128.txt">gwd128.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8436<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd129.txt">gwd129.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6605<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd13.txt">gwd13.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5183<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Quotes, Volume II by Sir Flea
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd130.txt">gwd130.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5401<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd131.txt">gwd131.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4982<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd132.txt">gwd132.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8029<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd133.txt">gwd133.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6837<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd134.txt">gwd134.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5461<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd135.txt">gwd135.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2319<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd136.txt">gwd136.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2045<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd137.txt">gwd137.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3907<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd138.txt">gwd138.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 96535<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd139.txt">gwd139.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1673<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd14.txt">gwd14.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3877<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Drunk in Mexico, by Zippy
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd140.txt">gwd140.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2478<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd141.txt">gwd141.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1509<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd142.txt">gwd142.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 16941<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd143.txt">gwd143.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6027<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd144.txt">gwd144.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7926<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd145.txt">gwd145.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5267<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd146.txt">gwd146.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 12107<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd147.txt">gwd147.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2618<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd148.txt">gwd148.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3316<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd149.txt">gwd149.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 15615<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd15.txt">gwd15.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 10388<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Welcome to School 101 by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd16.txt">gwd16.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6245<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Quotes Volume III by Aracnia
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd17.txt">gwd17.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 13438<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Rage Against the Machine
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd18.txt">gwd18.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5540<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Why Drugs Should be Legalized, by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd19.txt">gwd19.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5327<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Droogan Poetry by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd20.txt">gwd20.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8052<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: #1, GwD Newsletter
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd21.txt">gwd21.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2565<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: What, by Fastjack
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd22.txt">gwd22.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8265<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: One Hand Clapping, by Spanky McDougal
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd23.txt">gwd23.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8277<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: One Hand Clapping Part II by Spanky McDougal
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd24.txt">gwd24.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7338<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Shakespeare Silliness: Part the First, by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd25.txt">gwd25.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9149<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Resturn to School 101, by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd26.txt">gwd26.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4169<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Great Expectations Fable, by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd27.txt">gwd27.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7248<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Rex and His Friend Louis, the Next Chapter, by lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd28.txt">gwd28.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5953<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Literal Dribblings, by Seth Sometimes
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd29.txt">gwd29.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5533<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: DroogSpeak: What We Say and Hear, by Diamondback
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd30.txt">gwd30.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9093<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Anti-Greeny, by Lobo and Seth Sometimes
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd31.txt">gwd31.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7628<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Cow Stompin, by Seth Sometimes
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd32.txt">gwd32.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2867<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: BBSes by Sir Flea
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd33.txt">gwd33.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7112<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Silliness Begets More Silliness by Zen and Arcnia
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd34.txt">gwd34.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7664<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Drive by Water Gunnings: A Practical Approach, by Bill Hooper
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd35.txt">gwd35.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7406<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Literary Publications by S & S, by Seth and Lashe
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd36.txt">gwd36.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 13592<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Plot, by Spanky McDougal and Swedish Chef
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd37.txt">gwd37.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 11313<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Yuletide Caper
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd38.txt">gwd38.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9571<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: ||3x/Zzzzf!@5h, by Ray Westbrook
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd39.txt">gwd39.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4942<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Campaign Against Art Seeks to Stifle Dissent by Chales Marowitz
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd40.txt">gwd40.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8435<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Issue #2 of the GwD Task Force Newsletter
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd41.txt">gwd41.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7865<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Mogtronix Inside-Joke Maker 2000
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd42.txt">gwd42.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 39278<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Bob Larson Parts 1 and 2
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd43.txt">gwd43.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 76372<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Bob Larson Parts 3 and 4
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd44.txt">gwd44.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 81338<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Bob Larson Parts 5 and 6
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd45.txt">gwd45.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 67211<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Bob Larson Parts 7 and 8
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd46.txt">gwd46.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 84695<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Bob Larson Parts 9 and 10
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd48.txt">gwd48.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 32890<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Bob Larson Parts 13 and 14
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd49.txt">gwd49.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2669<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Jack Schitt
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd50.txt">gwd50.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 89876<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The K-Rad Elite 50th File by GwD
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd51.txt">gwd51.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9092<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Only Tomorrow, by Lobo and Bob the Master of the World
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd52.txt">gwd52.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5931<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: UFOs and the ATF by K2 and Carson
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd53.txt">gwd53.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8849<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Cybersex, by Bill Hooper
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd53b.txt">gwd53b.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3348<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Getting Sued is Bad
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd54.txt">gwd54.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7955<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Stupid Girls, by Rainne
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd55.txt">gwd55.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 21969<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Ooompa Loompa Doompa Dee Doo by Yancey Slide (December 31, 1997)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd56.txt">gwd56.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4514<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Enter the Trailer Park Dream, by Trailer Park Queen
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd57.txt">gwd57.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7510<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Public Enemy #1: CIA by Bill Hooper
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd58.txt">gwd58.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 10020<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Confessions of an Insurance Adjuster (March 17, 1998)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd59.txt">gwd59.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9230<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Deluded Ravings of a Madman by the Mad Screamer (March 17, 1998)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd60.txt">gwd60.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 54292<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Book of KeyLime by Lobo Licious and Seth the Man (March 17, 1998)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd61.txt">gwd61.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6028<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Commentary on a Bunch of Stuff I Thought About While I was Stoned and BOored, by Sir Flea
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd62.txt">gwd62.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5215<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Greeny Files Chapter 1, by Priest (November 26, 1998)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd63.txt">gwd63.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 11518<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Untitled? by Lobo Licious (November 26, 1998)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd64.txt">gwd64.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 12762<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The GwD Guide to Being the Perfect Boyfriend (November 26, 1998) by Snotty
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd65.txt">gwd65.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6878<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Whine, by Purpldrgn (November 26, 1998)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd66.txt">gwd66.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 22209<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Star Wars (May 25, 1999)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd67.txt">gwd67.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7984<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Make Room for Millenium baby (May 25, 1999)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd68-75.txt">gwd68-75.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 15979<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Issues 68-75 Index
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd68.txt">gwd68.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 21626<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Fuck All Forms of Wireless Communications, by Otis and priest (November 25, 1999)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd69.txt">gwd69.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 16477<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: In Anticipation of Shoes by Slave Daphne (November 25, 1999)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd70.txt">gwd70.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 14222<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Droogist Manifesto (and Various Other Stuff) by Lobo Licious and Seth The Fucking Bitch-Boy
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd71.txt">gwd71.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 23207<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Ride, by Franken Gibe (November 25, 1999)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd72.txt">gwd72.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5734<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Satan, Sodomy, and the Governor's School, by Charles Zeps (November 25, 1999)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd73.txt">gwd73.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9376<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Hanoi Jane, by Author(s) Unknown (November 25, 1999)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd74.txt">gwd74.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 24283<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Shakespeare Silliness, Part Deux by Spanky McDougal, Sir! and Lobo (November 25, 1999)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd75.txt">gwd75.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 16232<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Beat of a Different Drummer, by Priest (November 25, 1999)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd76-79.txt">gwd76-79.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9813<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Index of Issues 76-79
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd76.txt">gwd76.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9268<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Pinocchio (Oil Painting by Jaisini): A Review by Yustas Kotz-Gottlieb (May 25, 2000)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd77.txt">gwd77.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 70348<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: A Semester in Russia, Part 1 by Yancey Slide (May 25, 2000)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd78.txt">gwd78.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 20449<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: A Semester in Russia, Part 2 by Yancey Slide (May 25, 2000)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd79.txt">gwd79.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 12866<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Passion that Kills by Otis (May 25, 2000)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd80.txt">gwd80.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5112<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Significance of 5-25-00, by Kilroy (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd81.txt">gwd81.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3088<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Mute, by KP Neato Dee (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd82.txt">gwd82.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4105<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Going Postal, by Franken Gibe (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd83.txt">gwd83.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 51730<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: A Semester in Russia, Part 3 by Yancey Slide (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd84.txt">gwd84.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 13393<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Medical Applications of Selective Laser Sintering by Otis (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd85.txt">gwd85.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5641<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Poetry, and Why I Hate Poetry, by Grandmaster Ratte' (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd86.txt">gwd86.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4716<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Chach! By Oscar the Pornographer (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd87.txt">gwd87.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 18101<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Send 'Em Packing: Reasoning for Congressional Term Limits, by Otis (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd88.txt">gwd88.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5848<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Drug Project, by ThedrugProject.org (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd89.txt">gwd89.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3926<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: When Not Working, by KP Neato Dee (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd90.txt">gwd90.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 19019<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Am I Old School Yet? By Jaffo (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd91.txt">gwd91.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5147<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Fuckin' HOEs, by Lobo Licious (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd92.txt">gwd92.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 19504<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Language Acquisition: Philosophical Variations on a Theme by Steven Pinker by Bob the Master of the World (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd93.txt">gwd93.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4639<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Open Them Eyes! By KP Neato Dee (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd94.txt">gwd94.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 12699<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Evaluating Some Premises of Hill's Argument in 'Self-Regarding Suicide' by Otis (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd95.txt">gwd95.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 14332<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: "Ubermensch and Raskolnikov" by Bob the Master of the World (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd96.txt">gwd96.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 15662<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: A Look at Hardin's Attack on Contemporary Theories of Color, by Otis (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd97.txt">gwd97.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6730<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Dreams by Grandmaster Ratte' and Franken Gibe (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd98.txt">gwd98.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3410<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Sickness (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwd99.txt">gwd99.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 41717<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: ICC for You and Me: A Colorful Children's Primer for the Statutes, Progress, and Prospects of the International Criminal Court by Yancey Slide (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdfiles.txt">gwdfiles.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 12469<BR><TD> The Official List of all Greeny World Domination Crap Since 1993
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdfpq.txt">gwdfpq.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7136<BR><TD> Green World Domination: Frequently Posed Questions
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdfyod.txt">gwdfyod.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 27272<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Five Years of Domincation Special Issue
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnew10.txt">gwdnew10.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 18062<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Summary of New Files
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnew11.txt">gwdnew11.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 11576<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Summer 1999
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnew12.txt">gwdnew12.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 15979<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnew13.txt">gwdnew13.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9813<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnew14.txt">gwdnew14.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 18714<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination News #14
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnew15.txt">gwdnew15.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6501<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination News #15
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnew16.txt">gwdnew16.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6462<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination News #16
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnew17.txt">gwdnew17.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6216<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnew18.txt">gwdnew18.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 12237<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnew19.txt">gwdnew19.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6840<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnew20.txt">gwdnew20.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9164<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnew21.txt">gwdnew21.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 10552<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnew22.txt">gwdnew22.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9374<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnews.txt">gwdnews.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1467<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination 7 New Issues Announcement
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnews2.txt">gwdnews2.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1414<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: More for the Fall Semester 1994
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnews3.txt">gwdnews3.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1203<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: A Bloody Good Read from GwaD
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnews4.txt">gwdnews4.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1201<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The GwD brings you Two Brand New Textfiles
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnews5.txt">gwdnews5.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1672<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The GwD brings you THREE brand new Text Files for 1995
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnews6.txt">gwdnews6.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1632<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: 10 New Files for the Fall Semester of 1995
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnews7.txt">gwdnews7.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1098<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Two New Files for Fourth of July 1996
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnews8.txt">gwdnews8.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 11645<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Hey, We Went Underground for a While
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwdnews9.txt">gwdnews9.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9230<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Green is Good (St. Patrick's Day Release)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="GWD/gwnews14.txt">gwnews14.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 18289<BR><TD> Greeny World Domincation News File Issue #14 (January 3, 2001)
</TABLE><P><TABLE WIDTH=100%><TR><TD ALIGN=RIGHT><SMALL>There are 180 files for a total of 2,698,837 bytes.</SMALL></TABLE><P>
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<H1>Greeny World Domination</H1>
<P>
Greeny World Domination answers the question of what they are in their own FAQ:
<P>
<PRE>
Q: What is this whole GwD thing, anyway?
A: GwD is a paramilitary fanatical political activist group dedicated to
making GREENY, son of the goddess Grene, Emperor of the world.
Q: So are you political or religious?
A: We're pseudo-political AND quasi-religious. After all, politics and
religion are the same thing. Pray to the President and vote for God.
Q: What do you do?
A: We publish an e-zine and we raise hell. We used to write stupid programs,
but we quit. Basically, we plan for world Domination and we have fun doing
it.
Q: Are you better than me?
A: Yes, unless you're in GwD.
</PRE>
<P>
Having said that, the files range on all sorts of subjects, and have
that common trait among long-lived groups: They start to take most anything
after the first few years. Worth a dive.
<P>
<TABLE WIDTH=100%>
<TD BGCOLOR=#000000><FONT COLOR=#FFFFFF><B>Filename</B><BR></FONT></TD>
<TD BGCOLOR=#002200><FONT COLOR=#FFFFFF><B>Size</B><BR></FONT></TD>
<TD BGCOLOR=#004400><FONT COLOR=#FFFFFF><B>Description of the Textfile</B><BR></TD></TR>
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<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="5thanniv.txt">5thanniv.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7215<BR><TD> An Invitation to the Greeny World Domination 5th Anniversary Party (June 10th, 1998)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd-1996.txt">gwd-1996.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 11495<BR><TD> The Greeny World Domination Sepcial Issue: GwD and 1996 (December 31, 1995)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd-fpq.txt">gwd-fpq.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7274<BR><TD> The Greeny World Domination Frequently Posted Questions
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd01.txt">gwd01.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2791<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Introduction (June 10, 1993)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd02.txt">gwd02.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3909<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Story of GREENY by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd03.txt">gwd03.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4128<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The List of Items Every Droog Should Own
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd04.txt">gwd04.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7956<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: War, a Costly Way to Solve a Problem by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd05.txt">gwd05.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5290<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Rex et son ami Louis, by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd06.txt">gwd06.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6791<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Quotes Volume I, by Lobo and Seth the Man
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd07.txt">gwd07.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5048<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Poor School Districts by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd08.txt">gwd08.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6535<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Price
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd09.txt">gwd09.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4329<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: "Sue of St. Louis" by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd10.txt">gwd10.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4788<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Spanky's Claim to Fame by Spanky McDougal
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd100.txt">gwd100.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 502892<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Lamest Textfile Ever! GWD #100 (May 25, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd101.txt">gwd101.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1958<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: My T.I. Little Maestro by KP Neato Dee (June 11, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd102.txt">gwd102.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9451<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The CIA Hit List by Lawrence Wilmot (June 11, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd103.txt">gwd103.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7837<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Genesis of Feminism by Priest (June 11, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd104.txt">gwd104.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2576<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: CHiPs, by Franken Gibe (June 11, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd105.txt">gwd105.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 10697<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Risk and Uncertainty in Bernstein's Against the Gods, by Otis (June 11, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd106.txt">gwd106.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 12368<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd107.txt">gwd107.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6357<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd108.txt">gwd108.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2079<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd109.txt">gwd109.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9769<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd11.txt">gwd11.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6993<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Censorship, the School Play, by Lobo and Spanky McDougal
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd110.txt">gwd110.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2862<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd111.txt">gwd111.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2203<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd112.txt">gwd112.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 24668<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd113.txt">gwd113.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7365<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd114.txt">gwd114.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9420<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd115.txt">gwd115.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2941<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd116.txt">gwd116.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 24488<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd117.txt">gwd117.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1728<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd118.txt">gwd118.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4612<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd119.txt">gwd119.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3907<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd12.txt">gwd12.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 13591<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Faith No More: The Real Thing
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd120.txt">gwd120.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3161<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd121.txt">gwd121.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3603<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd122.txt">gwd122.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8669<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd123.txt">gwd123.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4108<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd124.txt">gwd124.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3589<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd125.txt">gwd125.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2340<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd126.txt">gwd126.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 24946<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd127.txt">gwd127.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4791<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd128.txt">gwd128.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8436<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd129.txt">gwd129.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6605<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd13.txt">gwd13.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5183<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Quotes, Volume II by Sir Flea
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd130.txt">gwd130.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5401<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd131.txt">gwd131.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4982<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd132.txt">gwd132.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8029<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd133.txt">gwd133.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6837<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd134.txt">gwd134.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5461<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd135.txt">gwd135.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2319<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd136.txt">gwd136.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2045<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd137.txt">gwd137.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3907<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd138.txt">gwd138.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 96535<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd139.txt">gwd139.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1673<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd14.txt">gwd14.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3877<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Drunk in Mexico, by Zippy
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd140.txt">gwd140.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2478<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd141.txt">gwd141.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1509<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd142.txt">gwd142.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 16941<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd143.txt">gwd143.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6027<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd144.txt">gwd144.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7926<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd145.txt">gwd145.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5267<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd146.txt">gwd146.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 12107<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd147.txt">gwd147.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2618<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd148.txt">gwd148.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3316<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd149.txt">gwd149.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 15615<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd15.txt">gwd15.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 10388<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Welcome to School 101 by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd16.txt">gwd16.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6245<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Quotes Volume III by Aracnia
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd17.txt">gwd17.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 13438<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Rage Against the Machine
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd18.txt">gwd18.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5540<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Why Drugs Should be Legalized, by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd19.txt">gwd19.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5327<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Droogan Poetry by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd20.txt">gwd20.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8052<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: #1, GwD Newsletter
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd21.txt">gwd21.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2565<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: What, by Fastjack
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd22.txt">gwd22.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8265<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: One Hand Clapping, by Spanky McDougal
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd23.txt">gwd23.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8277<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: One Hand Clapping Part II by Spanky McDougal
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd24.txt">gwd24.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7338<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Shakespeare Silliness: Part the First, by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd25.txt">gwd25.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9149<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Resturn to School 101, by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd26.txt">gwd26.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4169<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Great Expectations Fable, by Lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd27.txt">gwd27.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7248<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Rex and His Friend Louis, the Next Chapter, by lobo
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd28.txt">gwd28.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5953<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Literal Dribblings, by Seth Sometimes
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd29.txt">gwd29.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5533<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: DroogSpeak: What We Say and Hear, by Diamondback
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd30.txt">gwd30.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9093<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Anti-Greeny, by Lobo and Seth Sometimes
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd31.txt">gwd31.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7628<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Cow Stompin, by Seth Sometimes
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd32.txt">gwd32.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2867<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: BBSes by Sir Flea
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd33.txt">gwd33.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7112<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Silliness Begets More Silliness by Zen and Arcnia
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd34.txt">gwd34.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7664<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Drive by Water Gunnings: A Practical Approach, by Bill Hooper
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd35.txt">gwd35.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7406<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Literary Publications by S & S, by Seth and Lashe
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd36.txt">gwd36.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 13592<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Plot, by Spanky McDougal and Swedish Chef
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd37.txt">gwd37.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 11313<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Yuletide Caper
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd38.txt">gwd38.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9571<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: ||3x/Zzzzf!@5h, by Ray Westbrook
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd39.txt">gwd39.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4942<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Campaign Against Art Seeks to Stifle Dissent by Chales Marowitz
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd40.txt">gwd40.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8435<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Issue #2 of the GwD Task Force Newsletter
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd41.txt">gwd41.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7865<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Mogtronix Inside-Joke Maker 2000
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd42.txt">gwd42.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 39278<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Bob Larson Parts 1 and 2
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd43.txt">gwd43.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 76372<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Bob Larson Parts 3 and 4
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd44.txt">gwd44.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 81338<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Bob Larson Parts 5 and 6
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd45.txt">gwd45.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 67211<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Bob Larson Parts 7 and 8
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd46.txt">gwd46.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 84695<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Bob Larson Parts 9 and 10
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="http://textfiles.com/magazines/GWD/gwd47.txt">gwd47.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 61788<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Bob Larson Parts 11 and 12
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd48.txt">gwd48.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 32890<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Bob Larson Parts 13 and 14
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd49.txt">gwd49.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 2669<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Jack Schitt
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd50.txt">gwd50.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 89876<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The K-Rad Elite 50th File by GwD
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd51.txt">gwd51.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9092<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Only Tomorrow, by Lobo and Bob the Master of the World
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd52.txt">gwd52.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5931<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: UFOs and the ATF by K2 and Carson
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd53.txt">gwd53.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 8849<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Cybersex, by Bill Hooper
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd53b.txt">gwd53b.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3348<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Getting Sued is Bad
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd54.txt">gwd54.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7955<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Stupid Girls, by Rainne
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd55.txt">gwd55.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 21969<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Ooompa Loompa Doompa Dee Doo by Yancey Slide (December 31, 1997)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd56.txt">gwd56.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4514<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Enter the Trailer Park Dream, by Trailer Park Queen
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd57.txt">gwd57.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7510<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Public Enemy #1: CIA by Bill Hooper
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd58.txt">gwd58.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 10020<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Confessions of an Insurance Adjuster (March 17, 1998)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd59.txt">gwd59.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9230<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Deluded Ravings of a Madman by the Mad Screamer (March 17, 1998)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd60.txt">gwd60.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 54292<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Book of KeyLime by Lobo Licious and Seth the Man (March 17, 1998)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd61.txt">gwd61.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6028<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Commentary on a Bunch of Stuff I Thought About While I was Stoned and BOored, by Sir Flea
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd62.txt">gwd62.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5215<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Greeny Files Chapter 1, by Priest (November 26, 1998)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd63.txt">gwd63.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 11518<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Untitled? by Lobo Licious (November 26, 1998)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd64.txt">gwd64.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 12762<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The GwD Guide to Being the Perfect Boyfriend (November 26, 1998) by Snotty
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd65.txt">gwd65.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6878<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Whine, by Purpldrgn (November 26, 1998)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd66.txt">gwd66.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 22209<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Star Wars (May 25, 1999)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd67.txt">gwd67.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7984<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Make Room for Millenium baby (May 25, 1999)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd68-75.txt">gwd68-75.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 15979<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Issues 68-75 Index
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd68.txt">gwd68.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 21626<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Fuck All Forms of Wireless Communications, by Otis and priest (November 25, 1999)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd69.txt">gwd69.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 16477<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: In Anticipation of Shoes by Slave Daphne (November 25, 1999)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd70.txt">gwd70.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 14222<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Droogist Manifesto (and Various Other Stuff) by Lobo Licious and Seth The Fucking Bitch-Boy
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd71.txt">gwd71.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 23207<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Ride, by Franken Gibe (November 25, 1999)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd72.txt">gwd72.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5734<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Satan, Sodomy, and the Governor's School, by Charles Zeps (November 25, 1999)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd73.txt">gwd73.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9376<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Hanoi Jane, by Author(s) Unknown (November 25, 1999)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd74.txt">gwd74.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 24283<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Shakespeare Silliness, Part Deux by Spanky McDougal, Sir! and Lobo (November 25, 1999)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd75.txt">gwd75.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 16232<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Beat of a Different Drummer, by Priest (November 25, 1999)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd76-79.txt">gwd76-79.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9813<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Index of Issues 76-79
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd76.txt">gwd76.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9268<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Pinocchio (Oil Painting by Jaisini): A Review by Yustas Kotz-Gottlieb (May 25, 2000)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd77.txt">gwd77.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 70348<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: A Semester in Russia, Part 1 by Yancey Slide (May 25, 2000)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd78.txt">gwd78.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 20449<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: A Semester in Russia, Part 2 by Yancey Slide (May 25, 2000)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd79.txt">gwd79.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 12866<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Passion that Kills by Otis (May 25, 2000)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd80.txt">gwd80.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5112<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Significance of 5-25-00, by Kilroy (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd81.txt">gwd81.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3088<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Mute, by KP Neato Dee (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd82.txt">gwd82.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4105<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Going Postal, by Franken Gibe (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd83.txt">gwd83.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 51730<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: A Semester in Russia, Part 3 by Yancey Slide (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd84.txt">gwd84.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 13393<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Medical Applications of Selective Laser Sintering by Otis (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd85.txt">gwd85.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5641<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Poetry, and Why I Hate Poetry, by Grandmaster Ratte' (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd86.txt">gwd86.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4716<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Chach! By Oscar the Pornographer (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd87.txt">gwd87.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 18101<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Send 'Em Packing: Reasoning for Congressional Term Limits, by Otis (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd88.txt">gwd88.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5848<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Drug Project, by ThedrugProject.org (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd89.txt">gwd89.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3926<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: When Not Working, by KP Neato Dee (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd90.txt">gwd90.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 19019<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Am I Old School Yet? By Jaffo (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd91.txt">gwd91.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 5147<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Fuckin' HOEs, by Lobo Licious (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd92.txt">gwd92.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 19504<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Language Acquisition: Philosophical Variations on a Theme by Steven Pinker by Bob the Master of the World (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd93.txt">gwd93.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 4639<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Open Them Eyes! By KP Neato Dee (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd94.txt">gwd94.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 12699<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Evaluating Some Premises of Hill's Argument in 'Self-Regarding Suicide' by Otis (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd95.txt">gwd95.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 14332<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: "Ubermensch and Raskolnikov" by Bob the Master of the World (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd96.txt">gwd96.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 15662<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: A Look at Hardin's Attack on Contemporary Theories of Color, by Otis (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd97.txt">gwd97.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6730<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Dreams by Grandmaster Ratte' and Franken Gibe (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd98.txt">gwd98.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 3410<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Sickness (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwd99.txt">gwd99.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 41717<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: ICC for You and Me: A Colorful Children's Primer for the Statutes, Progress, and Prospects of the International Criminal Court by Yancey Slide (January 3, 2001)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdfiles.txt">gwdfiles.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 12469<BR><TD> The Official List of all Greeny World Domination Crap Since 1993
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdfpq.txt">gwdfpq.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 7136<BR><TD> Green World Domination: Frequently Posed Questions
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdfyod.txt">gwdfyod.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 27272<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The Five Years of Domincation Special Issue
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnew10.txt">gwdnew10.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 18062<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Summary of New Files
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnew11.txt">gwdnew11.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 11576<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Summer 1999
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnew12.txt">gwdnew12.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 15979<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnew13.txt">gwdnew13.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9813<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnew14.txt">gwdnew14.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 18714<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination News #14
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnew15.txt">gwdnew15.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6501<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination News #15
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnew16.txt">gwdnew16.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6462<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination News #16
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnew17.txt">gwdnew17.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6216<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnew18.txt">gwdnew18.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 12237<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnew19.txt">gwdnew19.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 6840<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnew20.txt">gwdnew20.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9164<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnew21.txt">gwdnew21.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 10552<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnew22.txt">gwdnew22.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9374<BR><TD>
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnews.txt">gwdnews.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1467<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination 7 New Issues Announcement
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnews2.txt">gwdnews2.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1414<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: More for the Fall Semester 1994
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnews3.txt">gwdnews3.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1203<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: A Bloody Good Read from GwaD
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnews4.txt">gwdnews4.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1201<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The GwD brings you Two Brand New Textfiles
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnews5.txt">gwdnews5.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1672<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: The GwD brings you THREE brand new Text Files for 1995
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnews6.txt">gwdnews6.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1632<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: 10 New Files for the Fall Semester of 1995
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnews7.txt">gwdnews7.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 1098<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Two New Files for Fourth of July 1996
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnews8.txt">gwdnews8.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 11645<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Hey, We Went Underground for a While
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwdnews9.txt">gwdnews9.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 9230<BR><TD> Greeny World Domination: Green is Good (St. Patrick's Day Release)
<TR VALIGN=TOP><TD ALIGN=TOP><A HREF="gwnews14.txt">gwnews14.txt</A> <tab to=T><TD> 18289<BR><TD> Greeny World Domincation News File Issue #14 (January 3, 2001)
</TABLE><P><TABLE WIDTH=100%><TR><TD ALIGN=RIGHT><SMALL>There are 181 files for a total of 2,760,625 bytes.</SMALL></TABLE><P>
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//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\
- AN INVITATION FROM -
G D
GG DD
GGG DDD
GGGGG DDDDD
GGGGGGGG DDDDDDDD
GGGGGGGGGGG DDDDDDDDDD
GGGGG GG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG GG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG GG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG w w w DDDD DDDDD
GGGGGG GGGGGGGGG w w w w DDDD DDDDDD
GGGGG GGGGGGGGG w w DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG GGGG w w DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG GGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG GGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG GGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG GGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG GGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG GGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGGGGGGGG DDDDDDDDDD
GGGGGGGG DDDDDDDD
GGGGG DDDDD
GGG DDD
GG DD
G D
YOU are cordially invited to a gala celebration of the Fifth Anniversary of
The GREENY world Domination Task Force, Inc.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GGGGGGG DDDDD FFFFFFF 99 88
GG GG DD DD FF FF 9 9 8 8
GG DD DD FF 9 9 8 8
GG DD DD FF F EEEEE SSS TTTTTTT 999 88
GG GGGGG ww w ww aaaaaaa DD DD FFFFF EE SS S TT 9 8 8
GG GG ww www ww aa aa DD DD FF F EEEE SS TT 9 8 8
GG GG www www aa aa DD DD FF EE S SS TT 9 9 8 8
GGGGGGG w w aaaaaa a DDDDDD FFFF EEEEEE SSS TT 99 88
-+- The GwD Fifth Anniversary Party -+-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE FIVE Ws of GwaDFest98 (all of these are further elaborated upon below):
WHO: WE are throwing a party and YOU are invited.
WHAT: The FIFTH ANNIVERSARY of GwD
WHEN: GwD turns FIVE on June 10, 1998. A small-scale party will be
held for the elite dr00gs on that date. We'll most likely just \
drink highballs and go to the titty bar. But, a kick-ass
mutha-fuckin' par-tay will be held on June 19, 1998 (true to
form, we've procrastinated and this announcement is being
released only 10 days before the shindig, most likely assuring
low attendance of almost entirely local dr00gs).
open to the general public. So come on out and bring a friend.
WHERE: Marduk's house.
WHY: GwD is FIVE. It's also a chance to meet and mingle with fellow
dr00gs and dr00gettes. Aww yeah.
HOW: Take a bus, take a train, go and hop an aero-plane. Walk for
all I care...but you MUST be in attendance at the party, or
there will be hell to pay. Green Hell. And I'm not talking
about the Misfits' song, either.
<Explanation: A slight change in plans.>
We would have had the party on June 10 (which was the original plan), but due to
unforeseen circumstances in the personal lives of high-ranking GwD-Officials, it
has been postponed until June 19 and a smaller party will be held for just the
GwD big-wigs on June 10, 1998. Besides, the tenth is a WEDNESDAY, and who wants
to party on WEDNESDAY? Wednesday is HUMP day, a day for what its name implies.
So don't fret about the slight change in plans.
= WHO =
Invitors: The GwD High Council has been planning this event for months. Maybe.
Invitees: Anyone who receives this as an e-mail or sees this on the web is
hereby invited. Bring a friend or five.
= WHAT =
This will be the party to end all parties. We hope. Of course, the party is
BYOB and BYODF (Bring Your Own Damn Food). Bring other stuff if you must, but
please observe MODERATION because it's not our job to drive your drunk-ass home
and we sure as hell don't want anyone getting arrested. Basically, it'll be a
nice little gathering with an on-going, multi-authored text file being written
by those in attendance, courtesy of STM's laptop (a concept we're blatantly
ripping off from the DummerCon files by our pals over at doomed to obscurity).
Come for the fellowship, stay for the entertainment:
SEE the mighty HORSE IMPRESSION of Lobo Licious!
SEE the awesome THUMB-TWIDDLING of Seth The Man!
HEAR the TRUMPET SRYLINGS of Diamondback!
SEE and HEAR the rantings of PREACHER/PIRATE Yancey Slide!
SEE Bob the Master of the World BREAK THINGS while drunk!
SEE the dr00gan wimmen in a MUD-WRESTLING EXTRAVAGANZA!
(We still have to get them to agree to that last one.)
FEEL the AWESOME PRESENCE that IS Bill Hooper! (if he's not in India)
Bring your own unique talents or just bring your favorite GwD Propaganda for the
AUTOGRAPH SESSION which will follow the INVOCATION of GRENE!
= WHEN =
The affair will take place in the evening of June 19, 1998. Be there.
Or don't.
= WHERE =
Marduk's house. Marduk is Diamondback's cousin. He lives on a farm. He has no
nearby neighbors. We can have a loud drunken orgy! YAY!
(See "HOW" below for directions.)
= WHY =
Because Grene commands it. Don't fuck with the Goddess.
= HOW =
E-mail Seth The Man (seththeman@cyberdude.com) for directions to Marduk's
swingin' pad.
-*- GwD. We rock balls AND we're five. -*-
For more information regarding GwaDFest98, contact:
The GREENY world Domination Task Force, Inc.
http://gwd.snakeden.org/
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2334/
ftp://ftp.etext.org/Zines/Greeny/
gwd@geocities.com
P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas - 79490
The GwD Task Force, Inc. - Bringing YOU All the Best in Absolute Crap Since 1993
***** copyright (c) MCMXCVIII GwD, Inc. *****
\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//

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GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
T h e G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e ,
I n c o r p o r a t e d
G D
GG DD
GGG DDD
GGGGG DDDDD
GGGGGGGG DDDDDDDD
GGGGGGGGGGG DDDDDDDDDD
GGGGG GG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG GG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG GG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG w w w DDDD DDDDD
GGGGGG GGGGGGGGG w w w w DDDD DDDDDD
GGGGG GGGGGGGGG w w DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG GGGG w w DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG GGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG GGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG GGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG GGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG GGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGG GGGG DDDD DDDDD
GGGGGGGGGGG DDDDDDDDDD
GGGGGGGG DDDDDDDD
GGGGG DDDDD
GGG DDD
GG DD
G D
Presents:
"The First GwD Special Issue"
also known as
"GwD and 1996"
Release Date: 12.31.95
-=( Table of Contents )=-
1. Gatherings
2. Releases
3. Other Neat Stuff
4. End Stuff
-=( stentnoC fo elbaT )=-
/----------\
< GaThErInGs >
\----------/
In 1996 GwD plans to reinstitute its monthly gathering policy. Here are *very*
tentative plans for gatherings and dates if they're known. Other dates will be
set closer to the actual time.
January - Beginning of spring semester party thing.
February 14 - Valentine's Day. Redd's Holiday. Get together and boycott it.
March - Spring Break. Week long party. Heh. Miniature golf one night, really.
April - Venture out to the S00PER-D00PER store(s), K-Mart and/or Wal-Mart.
May - End of school. Celebration of graduation and penetration. Yeah.
June - Go out for pizza. A classic GwD get-together.
July - Hellraiser marathon. The ORIGINAL GwD GATHERING. A must for all droogs.
August - End of summer party-thing. Yay.
September - Star Wars marathon. Another classic.
October 31 - Halloween. Trick-or-treat-ing? Talk to Lobo.
November - Thanksgiving. Get together and thank Grene for k-neat stuff.
December - Xmas Fest! (Also go to HoHoCon, if you can, if there is one.)
(All dates and "themes" subject to change without notice, though we'll probably
let you know cuz you're so damn special.)
/--------\
< Releases >
\--------/
These dates are really tentative, except the first one. (It's not tentative for
obvious reasons.) Question marks signify that we don't know exactly which files
will be out when. Yeah.
Date Files Released
---- --------------
1-1-96 gwd&1996.txt
2-1-96 gwd51-55
6-1-96 ????????
10-1-96 ????????
11-4-95 ???????? (GwD Election Special)
12-31-96 or 1-1-97 gwd&1997.txt, ???????
Another note about releases: there will be no releases if there aren't
submissions. That isn't to say that GwD will die (it won't). It's just that
I never again want to release files like 24-29 that I'm not especially proud of
that were written just to have files. Please submit, even if it's crap. I most
likely won't publish it if it's crap, but submit it anyway. No song lyrics
(that was a dumbass idea of mine) or stupid transcriptions of comedy acts (thank
Grene I never was desperate enough to publish THAT submission). Poetry is
accepted, but only if it's really good. Yeah. Ain't I a bitch? Thanks in
advance for any submissions.
/----------------\
< Other Neat Stuff >
\----------------/
i. Items in the GwD catalog will actually exist!
ii. GwD now has a page on the WWW. Yay. See the end of this file.
iii. GwD60 will (probably) come out! For those who haven't read gwd50, check
this out:
COMINGSOONCOMINGSOONCOMINGSOONCOMINGSOONCOMINGSOONCOMINGSOONCOMINGSOONCOMINGSOON
! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? !-<S * A * T * A * N>-? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ?
666 666 666
666 666 666 /---\
666 666 666 |[_]| /--\
666 666 666 | | |[]|
666 666 666 | | | |
666 666 666 | | | |
666 666 666 | |____ ____| |
666 666 666 | | | | |
666666666666 666666666666 666666666666 /| | | | |
666 666 666 666 666 666 / | |
666 666 666 666 666 666 < {| |
666 666 666 666 666 666 \ |
666 666 666 666 666 666 \ |
666 666 666 666 666 666 \ |
666 666 666 666 666 666 \ /
666666666 666666666 666666666 \-------------/
"Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast:
for it is the number of a man; and his number *is* Six hundred threescore and
six." - Revelation 13:18.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
$ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $-<G + R + E + N + E>-* $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ *
555555555555 555555555555 555555555555 /---\
555 555 555 |[_]|
555 555 555 | | /--\
555 555 555 | | |[]|
555 555 555 | | | |
555 555 555 | | | |
555 555 555 ____| |____| |
555555555555 555555555555 555555555555 | | | | |
555 555 555 /| | | | |
555 555 555 / | |
555 555 555 < {| |
555 555 555 \ |
555 555 555 555 555 555 \ |
555 555 555 555 555 555 \ |
555 555 555 555 555 555 \ /
555555555 555555555 555555555 \-------------/
"Here is knowledge. Let he who hath understood the rest of what I've said count
the number of Green: for it is the number of a mortal; and the number is Five
hundred twoscore and fifteen." - KeyLime 18:13.
================================================================================
Learn about the trinity of Grene and why five is so damn important!
Be on the lookout for GWD60.TXT, the Book of KeyLime, available soon from GwD!
================================================================================
/---------\
< End Stuff >
\---------/
/-----------------------***** GwD Propagandists *****--------------------------\
| Lobo - Seth Sometimes - The Lizard King - Spanky McDougal, Sir! - Sir Flea |
| Zippy - Aracnia - Zen - Trojan-Man - fastjack - Diamondback - Bill Hooper |
| Lasher - Mogel |
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------/
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GwD Command Centers-
Chaos (806)###-####
SysOp-Seth Sometimes (Mission Control, down until further notice)
GridPoint Durant (405)920-1347
SysOp-TransDerm-Nitro (First Conquest)
Purple Hell (806)791-0747
SysOp-Acid Warlock
The Snake's Den (806)793-3779
SysOp-Diamondback (Temporary Mission Control)
Pirate's Cove (806)795-4926
SysOp-Izzy
The Siege Perilous (806)762-0948
SysOp-Longshot
Brazen's Hell (301)776-8259
SysOp-Brazen (Eastern Outpost)
Psycho's Chiropractic Institute
(806)794-1438
SysOp-Psychosomatic Illusion
The Sprawl (806)797-0820
SysOp-Chiba
The Lagoon (914)638-3712
SysOp-Maximum Overdose (Middle Eastern Outpost)
Altered Reality (203)925-8349
SysOp- Zap (North Eastern Stronghold)
Cell Block 4 (214)612-8694
SysOp-LithoTripter/Wizard of Id (Salad Stonghold)
Static Line (806)747-0802
SysOp-Xenocide
The Petting Zoo (806)784-0295
SysOp-The Lizard King
*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*
'Information Super Highway' Command Centers:
for Drive By Shootings (via FTP):
ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Greeny
ftp.fc.net /pub/deadkat/misc/GwD
or
for Car-Jacking (via WWW):
http://www.geopages.com/Athens/2334/index.html
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"HeLL yEAH!#@!#!@ EyE g0Tz a MuTHApHuCKiN' G1RLeE tEw SkREW" - Mogel in HoE #80
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-+- F Y M -+-
<-+- A S M D -+->
GR33NY LIK3S mash3d p0tat03s
/---------------\
copyright (c) 1995 by GwD, Inc. :FIGHT THE POWER:
GREENY world Domination Task Force copyright (c) 1993 by Lobo : GwD :
All rights reserved \---------------/
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD&1996

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GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
T h e G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e ,
I n c o r p o r a t e d
_____ ____
// | \
|| ____ | || |
|| || \ / | || |
\\___// \/\/ |____/
Presents:
"GwD-FPQ"
Frequently Posed Queries
Q=Query -+- A=Answer
Q: What is this whole GwD thing, anyway?
A: GwD is a paramilitary fanatical political activist group dedicated to
making GREENY, son of the goddess Grene, Emperor of the world.
Q: So are you political or religious?
A: We're pseudo-political AND quasi-religious. After all, politics and
religion are the same thing. Pray to the President and vote for God.
Q: What do you do?
A: We publish an e-zine and we raise hell. We used to write stupid programs,
but we quit. Basically, we plan for world Domination and we have fun doing
it.
Q: Who's Grene? I've never heard of her.
A: Grene is the Goddess of all that is green and good. Read _The Book of
KeyLime_.
Q: Are you better than me?
A: Yes, unless you're in GwD.
Q: Who's in GwD now?
A: There is no longer a comprehensive list of members because there are so
many. Anyway, the dr00gs (as members are called) don't matter much anyway,
Unless they have their GwD membership cards, which only a few do. The real
power lies with the Propagandists (those who write for us):
Yancey Slide (formerly Spanky McDougal, Sir!)
Sir Flea
Zippy
Aracnia
Zen
Trojan-Man
fastjack
Bill Hooper
Lasher
Mogel
Izzy (the only Propagandist who earned the title for
something other than writing - he is our resident
graphics man)
K2
Carson
and the GwD High Council, comprised of the Type of Guys
Top Worshipper Type of Guy- Lobo
Top Dog Type of Guy- Seth The Man
Top Organizer Type of Guy- Ratt Fink
Worshipper Type of Guy- Diamondback
Dog Type of Guy- TransDerm-Nitro
Organizer Type of Guy- The Lizard King
who (with the exception of Ratt Fink and TransDerm) are all Propagandists
as well. fastjack is the leader of GwD military forces and GenAerik is
head of all Special Forces.
Q: Do members get special priveleges?
A: Yes, after we assume control, all members will comprise the GwD Council
which will handle the day-to-day ruling of the world. Also, there's a
health plan. If you write for us, you are eligible for our dental plan.
Q: Your handles don't mean anything to me. Who are you *really*?
A: Really? We're just a bunch of high school and/or college geeks who have
no respective lives so we've come together and we share a collective one.
The High Council rotates possession of it. Lobo gets it on Mondays, STM
gets it Tuesdays, and so on. Sunday, it is thrown to whatever Propagandist
has written most recently.
Q: Why should I join, other than the special priveleges?
A: Men: Chicks dig guys in GwD. Ladies: You will learn all about Grene's
sex-magic that will drive any man insane with lust for you. Everybody:
the time for world Domination is now...reserve your seat on the Revolution
Roller-Coaster NOW!
Q: How do I join?
A: Either e-mail Lobo or send mail to our P.O. Box (listed at the end of this
file) containing one American dollar for your neato-keen membership card.
You should probably give your name, as well.
Q: How do I e-mail Lobo?
A: Lobo can be reached at an47751@anon.pent.fi.
Q: Why should I care what Lobo's e-mail address is?
A: He's the editor. Submit to him. Submit articles for the 'zine, that is.
Q: How do I get copies of GwD - the 'zine, of course, not the group itself?
A: They're available on several BBSes (called Command Centers) and on a few
ftp sites. You can write to the P.O. Box and get the issues on disk for
a small fee. While you're at it, why not send an SASE and get our mail
order catalog. It's chock full of k00l stuff like audio tapes, video
tapes, tee-shirts, membership cards, and even stickers.
Q: Why should I listen to you about anything?
A: Because we are the self-proclaimed authorities on everything. You will
submit to our will, or we will crush your skull beneath the heels of our
mighty boots like we do with the other infidels.
Q: What does "Fight The Power" mean?
A: The "Power" is whatever's in charge. The slogan is left over from our
blatant anti-governmental days. Basically, it just sounds cool. It's
sort of a bastardization of "Question Authority", which sounds kinda cool
too. Hmmm....
Q: Who the hell do you think you are, anyway?
A: We're GwD. Stoopid.
-----------------------------<GwD Command Centers>------------------------------
Chaos (806)###-#### | Pirate's Cove (806)799-3978
GridPoint Durant (405)920-1347 | PCI (806)792-2902
Purple Hell (806)791-0747 | The Lagoon (203)638-3712
The Snake's Den (806)793-3779 | Altered Reality (203)925-8349
The Siege Perilous (806)762-0948 | Cell Block 4 (214)612-8694
Brazen's Hell (301)776-8259 | Static Line (806)747-0802
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ftp =-= ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Greeny
ftp.fc.net /pub/deadkat/misc/GwD
www -=- http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2334/index.html
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 *
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Ask me no more questions, I'll tell you no more lies."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-+- F Y M -+-
GR33NY LIK3S mash3d p0tat03s
/---------------\
copyright (c) 1996 by of GwD, Inc. :FIGHT THE POWER:
GREENY world Domination Task Force copyright (c) 1993 by Lobo : GwD :
All rights reserved \---------------/
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD--FPQ

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G R E E N Y world D O M I N A T I O N
Task Force
Presents:
The Story of GREENY
by Lobo
One day in Lubbock, TX not so long ago, Susan "Yellowie" Hagstrom was
sitting in her house doing the dishes when her boyfriend, James "Blewie"
Allen, happened by. Yellowie was shocked because her parents would *NEVER*
approve of her having a boy in the house, even if they were home, which they
were'nt. Blewie (I know it's not spelled like the color) took advantage of
her surprise, and shebecame pregnant. If you want to know the juicy details
of how: you're sick!! Nine months later, they had a son, who they named, you
guessed it, Jacob Allen! But, little did they know at this point that their
pride n' joy would some day become Emperor of the World.
GREENY, as he soon came to be called for obvious reasons, had a wonderful
childhood. He smiled! He laughed! He sat up by himself! He ate solid food!
He even shit his drawers! And these steps only took him the first twelve
years of his life! He then entered junior high, and had a relatively
uneventful seventh grade year. But, eighth grade was a different story. For
Christmas that year, he received a computer and a modem! But, not just any
computer and modem, a brand new Mac Plus, and a top of the line 2400 baud
modem! By Valentine's Day, he had learned some numbers to some local BBSes.
One of the first he called was Chaos (806-797-7501). He chatted with the
sysop, Seth The Man, when Lobo happened to be there abouts. The Main Man
chatted with GREENY as well, and learned some interesting things: 1. that
GREENY went to Frenship J.H.S.; and 2. that he was in the honor choir there.
Needless to say, Lobo was impressed. Lobo and Seth The Man return to our
story later.
A month later, at about St. Patrick's Day, GREENY put up his first
k-k00l Mac board, which was known as Mac Mayhem. He posted ads for it in all
CAPS on every sub of every board in town. But, sadly, we lost Mac Mayhem a
few weeks later. Undaunted, GREENY tried again. This time it was THE
UNDERGROUND, an all teen BBS. He again posted ads in all CAPS (only the great
ones use all CAPS), but this time he posted his NUP, which was SMARTONE, in
his ads, but no one was supposed to tell anyone. THE UNDERGROUND went down a
few weeks later, a terrible loss to the BBS community. GREENY tried again
with The Weather Board. It gave weather stats for all of the areas around
Lubbock. The Weather Board was even more short-lived than it's predecessors,
and we lost it soon after it went up. (Sob, Sob!) GREENY changed his handle
to Cosmic Thing, but he's still GREENY as far as GwD is concerned. He put up
another k-rad Mac board called Channel "Z", and again there were ads just
about everywhere. This time, to get people to call his board, he even added
war3z and c0d3z to his board to get people to call.
Their was a discussion about GREENY on Chaos, and Lobo decided that
GREENY should become Emperor of the World, and with the help of Seth The Man,
set up a sub to be the "newsletter" for the newly christened GREENY world
DOMINATION Task Force, a group whose only goal is to make GREENY become the
Emperor of the World. Lobo heads this organization, and the ranks are
displayed in GwD01.txt.
Anyone wishing to join GwD should e-mail Lobo with the NDP (New Droog
Password) which is SMARTONE, but don't tell anyone what it is! GREENY for
Emperor!!!!
note- This story is a fictional adaptation of GREENY's life. Though the main
points are the same, it should probably not be taken as the truth, though, I'm
not going to stop you if you want it to be the truth.
copyright (c)1993, by Lobo.
GREENY World Domination Task Force copyright (c)1993, by Lobo.
All rights reserved to the Great Green Guy. 02

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G R E E N Y world D O M I N A T I O N
Task Force
Presents:
"War: A Costly Way to Solve a Problem"
by Lobo
The following paragraphs contain a brief synopsis of all of the wars (to
my knowledge) that the United States has ever participated in. I'm sorry if I
leave one out. All of the statements come from memory, so please forgive me
if I make an error. There are also statements of personal opinion involved,
so if you don't agree, then kindly disregard them.
First came the Revolutionary War (my history teacher likes to call it
"The War for Independence" like that justifies all of the lives that were
lost). We fought it to gain our independence from England (or Great Britain,
or whatever the hell you want to call it). Our army was poorly trained, so we
lost quite a few soldiers to more experienced British troops. However, they
marched in straight lines and red coats, so it was not at all hard for our
snipers to eliminate many of them as well. A nice game of chess may have
solved the problem, and it certainly would've saved thousands of lives.
Then came the War of 1812. It seems that the British Navy was impressing,
or taking hostage, our sailors and forcing them to work on English
ships. So, we passed the Embargo Act to not trade with Britain until they
stopped, which only hurt our country. Many people on both sides of this
conflict died, and the war didn't even really accomplish anything. The
British were supposed to withdraw all of their forces from North America, but
the U.S. Army could hardly back that up. Also, the British were to stop
impressing our sailors, but our Navy was no match for theirs, so we couldn't
enforce that either. Basically, conditions returned to the way they were
before the war.
The Mexican War came next. It basically happened because of the
annexation of Texas. Mexico got pissed off because we annexed Texas when
Mexico did not consider Texas to be independent, even though it had been
independent for quite some time. Anyway, many people, both Mexican and
American, died and all we got out of it was some land (Colorado, Arizona,
etc.). Kind of silly if you ask me.
Next, we had The Civil War, or as my history teacher called it, "The War
Between the States." Whatever you call it, it was a bloody war where the dead
of both sides were American. The purpose of this war was to make the South
realize that it couldn't do what it wanted, like have slaves, etc. Though the
North "won" the war (there are only degrees of losing in a war) and freed the
slaves, the South was treated as conquered territory, and even now, more than
125 years later after the war's end, blacks are still persecuted in some parts
of the country.
In the late 1800's/early 1900's, came the Spanish-American War. I'm not
too sure of the reasons behind this war, but the U.S. defeated the Spanish and
made them give up all of their colonies, but only after thousands of Spaniard
and American soldiers and sailors had perished.
World War I came in the nine-teen teens, because some German guy
assassinated some prince, and the Austrio-Hungarian Empire and the Ottoman
Empire involved themselves in a bloody war that was the first to use aircraft.
Soon, all of Europe was taking sides in the conflict, and inevitably, a few
years later, the United States entered the war. The allies of the U.S.
(France, England, etc.) were known as The Allies, and the Allied forces
defeated the enemy with much loss of life in the militaries of both sides.
Germany and its allies received penalties like no army, strict trade
regulations, etc.
An Austrian named Adolf Hitler rose to power in Germany by somehow
convincing the people that foreigners in general and Jews in particular were
the cause of all of Germany's problems. What a crock of shit. Hitler's
political party, the Nazis, rounded up young men to serve in the army. The
army gathered and forced millions of Jews into concentration camps, where some
were used as slave laborers, and between 3 and 6 million were executed.
Meanwhile, Germany invade Poland, and the other nations of the world loooked
the other way. Then, Italy and Japan joined forces with Germany in the Axis
Pact. France and Britain had had enough by this point, and they decalred war
on Germany. Together, Germany and Italy conquered all of Europe except for
Engalnd (it's on an island) and Switzerland. Japan attacked the United States
so we could not help our allies in Europe. Allied forces stormed the beach at
Normandy, France as Russian forces entered Eastern European countries that
were under Nazi occupation. They liberated concentration camps as they went,
but were too late for many Jews. The forces met in Berlin, and Hitler killed
himself when Allied forces were three blocks away. Gemany formally
surrendered shortly afterwards. With the European threat vanquished, the
Allies could turn their full attention to Japan. Japan held up a while
longer, but when the U.S. dropped two atomic bombs on two major Japanese
cities, Japan finally surrendered, only after millions of servicemen and
civilians lost their lives for their cause. Putting Hitler in prison or a
mental asylum in the beginning would have spared the world all of that
bloodshed.
Then came the "Korean Conflict". North Korea was taken over by
communists, and the South did not want to convert. The United States entered
the conflict on the side of the South because they had to "keep the world safe
for democrcy." The South never fell, and the North withdrew, after thousands
had died on both sides of this conflict.
Vietnam came next. France was already involved in Vietnam (it had been a
French colony), but it withdrew its forces shortly after the United States
became involved in the "Police Action" (as it was in Korea, Congress never
declared war in Vietnam, but whan that many people die in battle, it's a war).
Northern attacks, failed (and succeeded) Southern attacks into Northern
territory, and terrorism by the Viet Cong, a group of Southern Vietnamese
loyal to the North, killed hundreds of thousands of service-men (and
service-women) to die. Finally, after about 10 years, the United States
withdrew its troops from Vietnam, and the South fell shortly afterward.
Panama came late in 1989. We invaded a country that is not much bigger
than Lubbock County to arrest the dictator who had supposedly been smuggling
illegal drugs into the U.S., Manuel Noriega. Our losses were few, but
hundreds of Panamanian troops and civilians died in the invasion.
Then in 1990 came "Operation Desert Storm" or as the media liked to call
it "The War in the Gulf." Iraq had invaded and annexed its neighbor, Kuwait.
The United Nations passed resolutions which failed to get through to the Iraqi
government. So, on January 16, 1990, the combined air forces of the U.N.,
operating out of Saudi Arabia, started an air assault on Iraq, and
particularly its capital, Baghdad. Late in February, a ground force led by
U.S. troops entered Kuwait and took back the capital, Kuwait City, in four
hours. All of Kuwait was liberated in a few days. Many people died in the
battles of this war.
Last week, the United Statesfired 23 missiles at Iraq. The reason given
was that the Iraqi government may or may not have had a hand in several
assassination attempts on former-President George Bush when he visited Kuwait
last April. Another war with Iraq may be on the horizon. I hope not.
This file is dedicated to all of the men and women that have lost their lives
in armed conflict.
copyright (c) 1993, by Lobo
GREENY world Domination Task Force copyright (c) 1993, by Lobo
All rights reserved to the Great Green Guy
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G R E E N Y world D O M I N A T I O N
Task Force
Presents:
"Rex et son ami Louis"
by Lobo
This story is about Rex et son ami Louis, or Rex and his friend Louis. I
took the names from to prominent figures in my church's conference, one was
the Bishop, the other is the District Superintendent. I dislike them both
because they messed with my church. But, that's another story. These guys
are in no way meant to represent the real Rex and Louis. Enjoy!
One day, Rex was walking down the street. He was joined by his friend
Louis. They decided to rob a convenience store. So, they stole their wives'
panty hose and put it on over their heads. of course, they had to take it off
of their wives first, if you know what i mean. <G>. Then, they stole their
sons' water machine guns. Now they were ready.
They approached the store with calculated effort. They entered. It was
a standard 7-11 with gas tanks outside and only one attendant. They pulled on
the panty hose so that no one could see their faces, and Rex told the
attendant to give them all the money in the store, while Louis removed
wallets, purses, jewelry, etc. from the customers and threatened to shoot them
with his water gun if they didn't stay down. Rex got the money from the
attendant, and then he told her that she had a nice ass as he felt it. Louis
pushed the muzzle of his "gun" into the back of a woman that had been crying.
Then, he spanked her to give her something to cry about.
Rex and Louis then got drunk on wine coolers that were in the store's
refrigerator. Then, Jim who had just come to the store for some milk duds
entered. Seeing the masked men with machine guns, he left hastily. A moment
later, he re-entered, but not as Jim. No, this time he was 'The Crusader from
Beyond'!
Let me tell you about 'The Crusader from Beyond'. He came to earth from
another dimension. He has the standard super hero powers (i.e.- heat rays,
strength, etc.), the only problem is that he doesn't know how to use them. He
is invulnerable to everything but bullets (go to his dimension to find out
why). 'The Crusader from Beyond' also has quite a dirty mouth, cussing almost
every sentence.
'The Crusader from Beyond' said to Rex and Louis, "You assholes wanna
mess with a store in my town? Bring it on, faggots!" They shot at him, but
it was with water guns, so they had no luck. He walked over and tied them
up. He then had his way with the clerk and all other females in the store,
regardless of age. There was a 76 year old grandmother and her five year old
granddaughter. "Just taking my payment for saving your lives," he said.
You probably think that I meant sex by 'he then had his way'. Well,
you're wrong. In his dimension, 'had his way' means something completely
different. It basically meant that he licked all of the toe jam out from
their feet and then sucked out their belly button lent through a straw.
Then he summoned the police, who wanted to know who had tied them up. No
one knew because the hero had left just after he made the telephone call. The
police also wondered what happened to the money. No one knew that either.
Jim had a new car the next week, though.
The moral of this story is: if you're gonna mess with 'The Crusader from
Beyond', you better use bullets.<G>
end-finis
-Lobo
From now on, every fifth file will have a list of all GwD members, so
here it is.
GwD Task Force Members:
Top Worshipper Type of Guy- Lobo
Top Dog Type of Guy- Seth the Man
Top Organizer Type of Guy- Sandman
Worshipper Type of Guy- Diamondback
Dog Type of Guy- Fastjack
Organizer Type of Guy- The Lizard King
Droogs-
Aerik Aeriksson
Aracnia
Big Man Joe
Hallucination
Kilroy
Transderm-Nitro
Sir Flea
Snotty
Periodically, there will also be a list of GwD Command Centers. If you
think that your BBS qualifies as a GwD Command Center, contact Lobo.
Gwd Command Centers-
Chaos (806)797-7501
Sysop-Seth the Man (Birthplace of GwD, Mission Control)
Gridpoint (806)763-4801
Sysop-Transderm-Nitro (First Conquest)
NOTE: Seth and I have gotten some criticism regarding these files, so I would
like to remind everyone that the purpose of these files is to have fun (for us
and the readers) and sometimes to inform you. If one person gets anything
from any of these files, I am satisfied.
Some say that these files are a ripoff of cDc. We do not believe that
they are, and we do not wish to take anything from cDc. There are many series
of text files that start out with a false premise. The first few are about
that, and then other text files are written that have nothing to do with the
title of the series. Every once in a while (it will be every ten files for
us) there is an update on the original topic. That is the format that GwD
will use.
-Lobo
copyright (c),1993 by Lobo
GREENY world Domination Task Force copyright (c),1993 by Lobo
All rights reserved to that Jolly Good Fellow, Greeny!
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G R E E N Y world D O M I N A T I O N
Task Force
Presents:
"Quotes: Volume I"
by Lobo and Seth the Man
Here are some of our favorite quotes. We hope that you enjoy them as
well.
"I'm pretty cool, but I can't change the future."-Butt-Head, from MTV's Beavis
and Butt-Head.
"That is one big pile of shit."-Ian Malcolm, from the movie Jurassic Park.
"I need to make lots of money so I can buy something to eat. Eating brings
out the fun in me."-George Foreman.
"The body is from the dust and knows that it will return to the dust and so is
always in despair. The soul has always been there and will always be there and
so revels in that fact. So in truth, there is no good or evil, just body
and soul."-Seth the Man.
"Wooooo, I'm 3/Y+3."-Elite bastards.
"The Commodore 64 personal computer (more simply C64) is a powerful,
sophisticated, yet easy to use information processing system."-Page one of The
Commodore 64 User's Manual.
"I like to talkwith some old lover's ghost Who died before the god of Love was
born."-Love's Deitie, by John Donne.
"You know what I've dreamed about, you can supply the pleasure."-Frank, in The
Hellbound Heart by Clive Barker.
"Rule One in housebreaking: Never answer the telephone when you're in the
middle of a job. Who are you supposed to be for heaven's sake? Rule Two:
Preparation. Bring the right tools. Bring gloves. Try to have the faintest
glimmering of an idea of what you're about before you start dangling from
window ledges in the middle of the night. Rule Three: Never forget Rule Two.
Rule Four: Never stand where you can be photographed."-Dirk Gently, in Dirk
Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, by Douglas Adams.
"There was a discordant hum of human voices! There was a loud blast as of a
thousand trumpets! There was a harsh grating as of a thousand thunders! The
fiery walls rushed back! An outstretched arm caught my own as i fell,
fainting, into the abyss. It was that of General Lasalle. The French army
had entered Toledo. The Inquisition was in the hands of its enemies."-From
The Pit and the Pendulum, by Edgar Allan Poe.
"I don't give a shit about the Italian lira."-Richard M. Nixon.
"I would have made a good Pope."-Richard M. Nixon.
"How do you like that guy? Can't run six balls and he's President of the
United States."-Pool hustler Johnny Irish about Nixon.
"The arabs are a backward people who eat nothing but camel dung."-Winston
Churchill.
"Things have never been more like the way they are today in history."-Dwight
d, Eisenhower.
"When I was a boy, I was told that anybody could become President; I'm
beginning to believe it."-Clarence Darrow.
"Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan--a Mount Rushmore of incompetence."-David
Steinberg.
"What this country needs is more unemployed politicians."-Edward Langley.
"When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are
broken."-Benjamin Disraeli.
"I became a policeman because i wanted to be in a business where the customer
is always wrong."-Unnamed officer.
"Moral victories don't count."-Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower.
"A closed mouth gathers no feet."-Anonymous.
"I enjoy being a highly overpayed actor."-Roger Moore.
"Nothing is wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level
wouldn't cure."-Ross MacDonald.
"Parts of Texas look like Kansas with a goiter."-Unknown.
"In America, anyone can become president. That's one of the risks you
take."-Adlai Stevenson.
"There will be a rain dance Fiday night, weather permitting."-George Carlin.
"A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally."-Lillian Day.
"One man's folly is another man's wife."-Helen Rowland.
"The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing--and
then marry him."-Cher.
"I was a fifty-four-year-old virgin, but I'm all right now."-Anonymous.
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in
Europe."-Jackie Mason.
"It is no wonder that people are so horrible when they start life as
children."-Kingsley Amis.
"I was toilet-trained at gunpoint."-Billy Braver.
"Give me a museum, and I'll fill it."-Pablo Picasso.
"If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding."-The teacher in Pink
Floyd: The Wall.
"It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced
the expression,'As pretty as an airport.' Airports are ugly. Some are very
ugly. Some attain a degree of ugliness that can only be the result of a
special effort. This ugliness arises because airports are full of people who
are tired, cross, and have just discovered that their luggage has landed in
Murmansk (Murmansk airport is the only known exception to this otherwise
infallible rule), and architects on the whole have tried to reflect this in
their designs. They have sought to highlight the tiredness and crossness
motif with brutal shapes and nerve-jangling colors, to make effortless the
business of separating the traveler forever from his or her luggage or loved
ones, to confuse the traveler with arrows that appear to point at windows,
distant tie racks, or the current position of Ursa Minor in the night sky, and
wherever possible to exposethe plumbing on the grounds that it is functional,
and conceal the location of the departure gates, presumably on the grounds
that they are not."-From The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, by Douglas Adams.
"There is no such thing as lying. There are just different interpretations of
the truth. Some are very close to what actually happened, while others are
nowhere near it."-Lobo
"Woogie, woogie!"-Seth the Man.
"I feel better than James Brown. I feel better now."-Some Song.
"They might be big, they might be fake, they might be big big fake fake lies."
-They Might Be Giants, from the song They Might Be Giants.
"I'm not a cow."-Boffo.
"Yippie ki-yay, motherfucker!"-Bruce Willis, in Die Hard.
"Petey says you're a whore. Petey says you sucked his cat."Sekrut Squirrel,
from the song Petey.
"We're gonna kill you, you goddamn faggot, we're gonna kill you
motherfucker!"-Dead Kennedys, from the song Night of the Living Rednecks.
"Beep beep."-Tommy Lee Jones, in Under Siege.
GwD Command Centers-
Chaos (806)797-7501
SysOp-Seth the Man (Birthplace of GwD, Mission Control)
Gridpoint (806)763-4801
SysOp-Transderm-Nitro (First Conquest)
The Garden of Eden (8069748-0987
SysOp-Malachi
Federation Slayers' (806)799-1184
SysOp-Big Red Fed
copyright (c),1993 by Lobo and Seth the Man
GREENY world Domination Task Force copyright (c),1993 by Lobo
All rights reserved
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G R E E N Y world D O M I N A T I O N
Task Force
Presents:
"Poor School Districts"
by Lobo
If you live in Texas, you have probably heard all of the crap about
public school re-financing. This file is not about which of the proposed
plans is better for our schools. It is about the fact that some school
districts don't need any more money, they need to learn how to spend what they
already have.
I live in Lubbock, TX, and I go to school in the Lubbock Independent
School Ditrict (LISD). For years, I have heard about the financial problems
of other school districts in our state. There are many proposed plans to take
money that would go to the 'rich' school districts and give it to the 'poor'
school districts. LISD, I believe, is somewhere in the middle, between the
two classifications. The most popular re-financing plan is known as the
'Robin Hood Plan' (stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, quite a
cliche). I just wanted to acquaint you with the situation in the state public
school system.
At my school, I am on the UIL Math and Science team. We go to other
schools on some saturdays, take some tests, and basically have fun running
around, causing trouble, then lying about who we are and which school we're
from. It's lots of fun. There were sixteen on the team from my school, two
from the seventh and fourteen from the eighth grade. Both of the seventh
graders and five of the eighth graders qualified to go to the state
competition in San Antonio. One seventh grader and one eighth grader could
not go. The other seventh grader subbed for his counterpart, while another
eighth grader subbed for her's. I was one of the eighth graders who got to
attend the competition.
One Friday, we all met at school as usual, only we brought the stuff we
would need at the competition and the stuff we would need for an overnight
trip. After lunch, we piled in to the Algebra teacher's van and headed for
the airport. We met two students from another school in our district and
their teacher at the airport. One of the students from the other school's
mother went along. We flew (on Southwest) to Dallas, had a twenty-minute
layover there, and went on to San Antonio. The school district payed for the
flight. We left the San Antonio airport in a van that the teacher had rented
(the Algebra teacher and the teacher from the other school were both with us),
even though LISD was paying the bill. We then drove to The Windham Hotel,
where we got three rooms. One for seventh and eighth grade girls/female
teacher/male seventh grader's mother. One for seventh grade guys/male
teacher. One four all four eighth grade guys. No one wanted to sleep in the
same bed. I got a bed, another guy got the other bed, one guy slept on the
floor, and the other guy slept on the chairs (don't ask how). Anyway, we got
up at five in the morning on Saturday, and went downstairs in the hotel. I
saw the bill, and the rooms were each a hundred dollars. LISD payed for them.
They gave us money for meals, $2.00 for breakfast and lunch, and $5.00
for the evening meal. After Saturday breakfast, it was off to the
competition. We could only take the test that we qualified in, so i only got
to take one. Some people took all four that were offered, some took three, so
I think that the average is about two tests to a person. After the tests, we
wasted about a whole tank of gas going to the San Antonio mall and returning
to where the competition was being held. Only two of our people placed, one
getting third place in number sense, and the other getting second place in
math. Then, it was back to the airport.
We flew home, and arrived at Lubbock International airport at about 11:00
pm on Saturday. I had fun on the trip, I'm not saying that I didn't. What I
am saying is that LISD probably spent around $1000 flying us all to San
Antonio and back for a competition where we didn't even really do very good.
Even though the one guy's mom payed for herself, that is a lot of money. I
got a weekend trip to San Antonio for about ten bucks, which is what I spent
at the mall. I just think that maybe LISD should spend their money on things
that are really needed, like text books that weren't written before I was
born, or desks that don't say something about how school sucked in '79 on
them. Oh well, that's just my opinion.
-Lobo
GwD Command Centers-
Chaos (806)797-7501
SysOp-Seth the Man (Birthplace of GwD, Mission Control)
Gridpoint (806)763-4801
SysOp-Transderm-Nitro (First Conquest)
Garden of Eden (806)748-0987
SysOp-Malachi
Federation Slayers' (806)799-1184
SysOp-Big Red Fed
copyright (c),1993 by Lobo
GREENY world Domination Task Force copyright (c),1993 by Lobo
All rights reserved to The Green Wonder
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G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e
Presents:
"THE
PRICE"
It was a time of magic were by the wave of a hand you could rule a
civilization. This is the time that Ender was from an orphan his mother died
when he was born; his father was killed in a battle before he was born. All
the people said he was an evil child; only one person thought that he was not
evil, that was the old man that was his mentor Talsu. He was a grumpy old man,
the people said that the only reason that he took Ender in was for a slave
(and they were right) but the old man was teaching Ender magic with Ender's
word that he would never leave the old man.That is what Ender did, he never
left the old man till the day that the old man told Ender to go to Rana a town
that was 23 miles a way it would take Ender a full days walk to get there.So
he left in the morning and he walked for for hours till he had a vision that
his master had sent him away for the reason that the village was going to be
burned to the ground. So Ender ran as fast as he could till he reached the
village it was on fire so he went to the old man's house the people that had
done this were still there. So he used what magic he knew to make the men go
away but thay just showed him what magic there greatest mage could do Ender
was nocked uncontscious and left for dead.
Ender woke up in a cave with all of the magic books that were in the old
man's house then he saw the old man on the ground motionless Ender wen't over
to the body and turned it over the old man's face was burned of.Ender then ran
out of the cave and pucked in the near by bushes. When he was done he wipedhis
mouth with his sleave and wen't back into into the cave so he dissided to
finish his teachings then he would take revenge for his masters death.
Several years later he hade finished his teachings he was a WARLOCK now
he knew every spell in all of the old man's books now it was time to take his
revenge.
He dissided to go after the mage firstit would be very hard to find him.
So he started at the closest town Canru. This he did the next morning It was
a long walk to Canru he reached Canru by nightfall. He got a room at an inn.
The morning was a warm one he walked to the house of the leader of the town
his name was Syter. Syter was a youthful man of 28 he was a powerful mage that
had a vision that Ender would visit him so he was ready to meet him at the
door . He invited Ender in by name,Ender was surprised so he wen't in slowly,
And then Ender asked Syterif he knew of the mage that helped burn down his
village. He said that he had herd that the mage was given a town by the name
of Kanri. Syter gave Ender a room to sleep and a whore to have his way with
for this Ender was thanckfulso Ender befriended Syter. In the morning Ender
gotgoing He saw a man by the side of the road Ender said hi to the man at that
moment the man got up and another man came out of nowhere the man by the side
of the road then "said give me all your gold and belongings and I may set you
free may"at that time Ender had had all he could take from them so he said "my
dear man you don't know what youare dealing with hear"the man said" what are
you a wizard or some thing?" Ender then said"I am not of sutch a low rank when
it comes to magic i am anever powerful WARLOCK!!!!" the man just said"there
are no more WARLOCKs In this world I was part of the group of people that
killed all of them. Then Ender said"then you will tell me where I can find all
of the people that were part of that group now will you?!?!?". The man just
terned to run the other man had allready ran into the woods so Ender would not
fallow him he would use this one to help him find every one that was envolved
in the death of his mentor. The man was just about to the edge of the forest
when AEnder used his magic to make the man fall to his knees he tryed to move
but it was no use Ender's power was to powerful Ender then made the manmove to
him in a most disrespectful way then Ender cast a spell on the man so the man
was under Ender's power And the only way to remove the spell was to kill the
man but Ender would never let that happen to his only link to his revenge.
They set camp in the forest as not to draw suspition and so the other man
could not find them. In the morning they set off to Asherwa that is where the
man said Ender could find the mage there. when they finaly reached Asherwa at
around noon the other man had allready been there so all the people were there
to see the last WARLOCK alive. The mage was there to meet Ender and to kill
him. The mage said "My dear boy why do you want to die like your mentor???".
Ender said "I will not die on this day, it is not my day to die: it is
your's!!!". The mage made the people leave. Ender was geting ready when the
mage attacked him with a mystic flame Ender was off guard he would neve let
that happen again. Ender attacked the mage with a bolt of lightning that the
mage tookbut with out sending Ender a surprise a virus that made Ender so sick
that he ran over to the mage and pucked on the mage and then Ender fell down
on the ground withn a thud. The mage was so happy that he called the people
back so he could show the people the death of the last WARLOCK the people
watched with intent eyes as the mage began the spell that would end Ender's
life....
End of Chapter 1: THE REST WILL COME LATER. I WANTED TO LEAVE YOU WANTING
MORE SO TELL LOBO OR ME, THE LIZARD KING, THAT YOU WANT MORE.
BY:The Lizard King <Zeke Valencia>
This file was written on a Commodore 64 that TLK found in his dumpster, using
Speedscript 2.0 and Omega Q II.
GwD Command Centers-
Chaos (806)797-7501
SysOp-Seth the Man (Birthplace of GwD, Mission Control)
Gridpoint (806)763-4801; node two `2400bps (806)763-5072,,22
SysOp-Transderm-Nitro (First Conquest)
Federation Slayers' (806)799-1184
SysOp-Big Red Fed
We lost the Garden of Eden because Malachi could not afford the phone bill to
keep it up.
copyright (c),1993 by The Lizard King
GREENY world Domination Task Force copyright (c),1993 by Lobo
All rights reserved to Mr. Greeny
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G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e
Presents:
"Sue of St. Louis"
by Lobo
Sue was a fine young woman of twenty-eight. She had no problems in her
life, except that she happened to be enjoying a long, relaxing stay at
Deerview Lunatic Asylum in St. Louis, Missouri. Her cell had a warning label,
on which was written, "CAUTION: violent response to all forms of treatment."
Sue enjoyed biting the attendants, and when she was not restrained, kicking
them and gouging their eyes out with her razor-sharp fingernails, which when
cut seemed to grow back overnight. One night however, she killed her
attendant. She took his keys, and let herself out of her restraints and her
padded cell. Sue killed four guards in her escape, and took their weapons.
After she left the grounds, she set forth on one of the bloodiest mass
murdering rampages in history, killing almost seven hundred people before she
was again brought to justice. How did one woman kill so many? Some say she
was a servant of Satan, possibly even his mistress. Others claim that she
gained the help of many hit-men. What really happened, though unbelievable,
is far more interesting than either of these scenarios.
There was a pumpkin, you see, that was normal in its childhood. When it
was cut from the vine, it began to develop powers, though. It was bought for
Halloween by a nice doctor who worked at the Ladue Home for the Criminally
Insane, just outside of St. Louis, which coincidentally was where Sue was
employed as a cook, curiously enough. The pumpkin, who now referred to itself
as "The Great Pumpkin" (no relation to Linus of the Peanuts's creation),
enjoyed its new home, until the day of the annual Halloween party. Sue was
given the job of carving the jack o' lantern, and just as she was about to
begin the electricity went out. She decided to carve it anyway, she had cut
in the dark before. Meanwhile, The Great Pumpkin started to glow. She
lowered the knife and it grew even brighter. So, she viciouslyhacked it to
pieces. Then, she ate its oozing insides, as she was soon to do with her
human victims. The Great Pumpkin's powers were now hers!
Sue learned to use her powers, by slaughtering the inhabitants and
employees of the Home. Some, she disemboweled with strange claws that grew
from her tongue. Others heads she opened, and licked their craniums clean.
Others still had their arms removed and were beaten to death with the bloody
stumps. Sue then left the premises, to wreak havoc on the midwestern
metropolis outside. She attacked schools, killing hordes of children.
Businesses were also pillaged, and many housewives were left crying in Sue's
wake. After seven hundred killings, the police cornered her.
Sue was killed by police gunfire exactly one year ago. She was buried,
and now rests in a fashionable cemetery in south St. Louis. Sue will never
kill again. But, the police left the ooze behind. When Sue was killed,
glowing yellow ooze streamed from all of the bullet holes. A glob of it was
collected, and placed in a nearby dumpster. A bum was seen rummaging through
the very same dumpster just minutes after the police left. Yesterday, another
murder was committed in Sue's fashion. Only time will tell if it was just a
copy-cat killing, or if the bum is now a denizen of evil.
(I wrote this story for English class. It's kinda silly, but so what?)
The End (penis)
GwD Command Centers-
Chaos (806)797-7501
SysOp-Seth the Man (Birthplace of GwD, Mission Control)
Gridpoint (806)763-4801; node two `2400bps (806)763-5072,,22
SysOp-Transderm-Nitro (First Conquest)
Federation Slayers' (806)799-1184
SysOp-Big Red Fed
Starchy White Boy BBS (806)788-1943
SysOp-Zippy (e-mail Zippy on Chaos for the current NUP)
copyright (c),1993 by Lobo
GREENY world Domination Task Force copyright (c),1993 by Lobo
All rights reserved to that wonder of wonders, Greeny!
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G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e
Presents:
"Spanky's Claim to Fame"
by Spanky McDougal, Sir!
with an afterward by Lobo
Howdy do, all you GwD comrades in arms out there! (Except for all you
amputees out there, I guess you'd just be comrades in stumps.) Spanky
McDougal, Sir! here, giving my all to this, my only claim to literary fame
before they take me away for crimes against humanity. They have spies
everywhere, you know, all working for Nwod, God of Floors.
Boy, have I got some ideas to whip all of you slugs into shape (except
for Lobo, siva, Seth The Man, and Snotty, who are pretty cool). You sniveling
fools worship Greeny in every way 'cept religiously! Ha! He's not even
around! No, it's time we looked at the truth. Greeny is a figurehead, a
symbol of the REAL power, the Council. Heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee!
Boy, is this a great idea or what!? First, we ditch the idea that Greenie
is returning. Thpbhbhbhbhbhbt on that! Second, a high council of three
founding members (proposed: Lobo, Seth, and Siva) presiding over the GwD
Council, consisting of everyone else in GwD. Yeah! Everyoneon the GwD
Council (Excluding High Council members, I'll explain below) gets a post, a
title and an "ambassadorship" of a country or area, meaning in effect, that
that "ambassador" is really king of the land there. Obviously, this would
have to be organized after GwD fulfillsits destiny. Examples: I plan to be
Surgeon General of the world, and my area might be the Orient, or South
America, or whatever. My title, of course, would be Spanky McDougal, Sir,
Grand High Kruton of Pu, God of Ceilings. Isn't that a cool title? My
minions would be "sub-Krutons" and my maids would be "Krutonettes!" But, the
three High Council members wouldn't have a title, since they preside over
everybody else.
Well, I've left my legacy, so when the time comes, and the world is ours,
remember! Martyrs to the cause are beloved of Pu, and are whisked away to
heaven, the Home and Garden isle at Wal-Mart.....
From:
Spanky McDougal, Sir!
Grand High Kruton
of Pu,
God of Ceilings.
Afterword
Those are the ideas from one of our newest droogs about how the world
should be run when it is under Greeny's control. We hereby accept it as how
the world will be governed once our mission is complete. The only changes
that will be made will be that since Greeny HAS returned, he will be the Chief
Executive Officer of the world, and all of his decisions must be approved by
the entire GwD Council. The High Council will consist of all of the Type Of
Guys and our first droog, Aerik Aeriksson. We will have no titles, but we
will be allowed to place "The Mighty" in front of our name (as in "The Mighty
Lobo") or "The Great" after it (such as Diamondback, The Great) or any other
such phrase before or after it, which will be subject to the approval of the
High Council.
Wowie! we've made it to file #10!!! Yippie!
-Lobo
GwD Task Force Members:
Top Worshipper Type of Guy- Lobo
Top Dog Type of Guy- Seth the Man
Top Organizer Type of Guy- Sandman
Worshipper Type of Guy- Diamondback
Dog Type of Guy- TransDerm-Nitro
Organizer Type of Guy- The Lizard King
Droogs-
Aerik Aeriksson
Ailanthus
Alkaloid
Aracnia
Big Man Joe
Big Red Fed
Bill Hooper
Bruno
Hallucination
Kilroy
Legolas
Malachi
Rory
Sir Flea
Siva
Snotty
Super Sperm
Spanky McDougal, Sir!
Wiley Coyote
Wiz Kid
To become a droog: send mail to Lobo containing the NDP (New Droog Password)
which is SMARTONE, but don't tell anybody!
GwD Command Centers-
Chaos (806)797-7501
SysOp-Seth the Man (Birthplace of GwD, Mission Control)
Gridpoint (806)763-4801;node two `2400bps (806)763-5072,,22
SysOp-Transderm-Nitro (First Conquest)
Federation Slayers' (806)799-1184
SysOp-Big Red Fed
For your bbs to become a Command Center, e-mail Lobo and tell him your
number(s).
Please spread the word of Greeny by uploading these files to boards that don't
already have them.
Call (806)797-3860 and chat with The Great Green One! (He currently uses the
name "Majestic", but we know who he really is!)
copyright (c),1993 by Lobo
GREENY world Domination Task Force copyright (c),1993 by Lobo
All rights reserved to The New Returned GREENY!
No More Lies
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G G
w _____ ____ 1 000 1 "MY T.I. 'LITTLE MAESTRO'" w
D // | \ 11 0 0 11 by Kp Neato Dee D
* || ____ | || | 1 0 0 1 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 0 0 1 issue #101 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 000 111 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 06/11/01 w
D D
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
MY TEXAS INSTRUMENTS "LITTLE MAESTRO" GIVES ME THE ATTENTION I NEED TO DEVELOP
A HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM AND HELPS ME FORM VALUABLE INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATIONS
SKILLS.
MY TEXAS INSTRUMENTS "LITTLE MAESTRO" WILL NOT GO ON A WHISKEY BINGE AND LEAVE
ME FOR DEAD BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD IN SOME GODFORSAKEN COTTON-GIN OF A TOWN
WITH A POPULATION OF 48. MY TEXAS INSTRUMENTS "LITTLE MAESTRO" WILL NOT
SHOWER ME WITH BITTER BILE FROM A THOUSAND WASTED PROMISES. MY TEXAS
INSTRUMENTS "LITTLE MAESTRO" IS MY BEST FRIEND. IT IS SO HAPPY.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#101 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMI Kp Neato Dee/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMI GwD, Inc. All rights reserved. :RIGHT AND TASTY:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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G G
w _____ ____ 1 000 222 "The CIA Hit List" w
D // | \ 11 0 0 2 by Lawrence Wilmot D
* || ____ | || | 1 0 0 222 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 0 0 2 issue #102 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 000 222 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 06/11/01 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Re-printed from _The SPOTLIGHT_ newsweekly, 1993.
===========================================================================
EXCLUSIVE TO THE SPOTLIGHT By Lawrence Wilmot
Murder on a major or minor scale - whether it involved "terminating" an
individual target or decimating an unruly population - is a routine tactic of
the CIA. Although theoretically prohibited by law from killing anyone, the CIA
may well have been responsible directly and indirectly for more violent deaths
over the past 45 years than the U.S. Army, cold-war historians suggest. One
former CIA officer, John Stockwell, claims the agency's worldwide covert
actions have cost "millions of lives." An updated roster of the CIA's victims
would fill hundreds of pages, a SPOTLIGHT reporter exploring the subject
discovered recently. Among the agency's best-known assassination targets:
- In June, 1959, Col. Ahmad Bukkiting, an Indonesian officer, was waylaid and
murdered in his car in Central Sumatra. He was reportedly suspected of trying
to drop out of a CIA-organized military coup against Indonesia's Sukarno
government.
- On January 17, 1961, Prime Minister Patrice Lumumba of the Congo (now Zaire)
was murdered by indigenous forces paid and armed by the CIA. The official
explanation: Lumumba was "a Soviet pawn." The real reason: A financial
consortium controlled by David Rockefeller had set its sights on the region's
rich mineral resources. A compliant and utterly corrupt leader was installed,
Mobutu Sese Seko, whose legendary skimming of foreign aid has turned him into
one of the world's wealthiest men.
- In May, 1961, Gen. Rafael Leonidas Trujillo, the long-ruling strongman of
the Dominican Republic known as a pro-U.S. nationalist, was shot to death in
his chauffeur-driven limousine by a hit team of local officials recruited and
armed by the CIA. The official explanation: Trujillo was a "human rights"
offender who tended to "terminate" his rivals. The real reason: One of the
enemies liquidated by Trujillo, Dr. Jesus Galindez, was a key CIA undercover
agent.
- In 1961-62, the CIA organized several strikes against Dr. Francois
"Papa Doc" Duvalier, Haiti's sinister dictator. He survived, but a hit team
headed by Clement Barbot, who had been a Haitian presidential bodyguard before
he went to work for the CIA, managed to kill one of Duvalier's daughters and
members of his staff. The reason: White House fears that Duvalier was a
dangerous madman.
- South Vietnamese President Ngo Dinh Diem was assassinated along with his
brother, Ngo Dinh Ngu, by the CIA in 1963, reportedly on direct orders from
the White House.
- On November 22, 1963, during a visit to Dallas, President John F. Kennedy
came under the guns of a hit team whose trail has been traced to the CIA. The
same day, the CIA's chief of clandestine services, Desmond FitzGerald, held a
secret meeting in a Paris hotel room to hand a Cuban contact a poison-tipped
ball-point pen designed to kill Cuban President Fidel Castro. Kennedy died;
the communist dictator survived the CIA's assassination attempt.
- In March, 1965, a French inspection team headed by Col. Roger de Tassigny
traveled through Laos and Vietnam gathering evidence on the booming narcotics
trade supervised and protected by CIA agents. Departing Saigon in a U.S.
helicopter, they were killed in a mid-air explosion. The official explanation:
an accident. The real reason: The CIA saw the investigation as a threat and an
attempt to sabotage its covert networks throughout Indochina.
- Salvador Allende, president of Chile, was overthrown and killed during a
CIA-engineered coup in 1973, in which the intelligence agency conspired with
Chilean military officers to murder the president and install a military junta.
- In June, 1973, Rodolfo "El Cojo" Cisneros and Mario Avila, the reputed
leaders of a Mexican marijuana gang, were shot to death in Panama. Their
murders were part of a top-secret CIA operation code named "Deacon II,"
designed to "eliminate narcotics kingpins beyond the reach of conventional
U.S. law enforcement," in which more than a dozen drug suspects were
reportedly killed.
- Chilean diplomat Orlando Letelier, in exile from his country after the coup
for his criticism of the CIA's takeover, was killed in a 1976 car bombing in
Washington. All signs point to a CIA hit in the heart of the nation's capital.
- In January, 1978, a team of CIA operatives smuggled a bomb aboard a Cuban
airliner making a refueling stop in Barbados. The plane exploded shortly after
takeoff, killing all 83 aboard. The official explanation: The bomb was
supposed to go off while the airliner was still on the ground, causing heavy
damage but no loss of life, but accidentally went off late. The truth: The
explosives detonated on schedule. The CIA had no regrets for Cuban casualties.
- On January 26, 1980, Francis John Nugan, chairman of the Nugan Hand Bank,
was found shot to death in his Mercedes limousine in Lithgow, Australia.
Nugan's murder - he was found to have been a clandestine CIA money broker and
arms smuggler - is now attributed to the CIA by Australian authorities.
- In retaliation for what it assumed to be Iranian support
for the resurgence of militant Moslems - particularly in Lebanon, where
American hostages included William Buckley, the local station chief of the
agency - the CIA waged a sustained campaign of terrorism and assassination
against Iran from 1981 through 1990. At least 14 key members and religious
leaders of Iran's fundamentalist government were killed or gravely injured.
The agency denied involvement.
- As part of this campaign mentioned above, the CIA tried to kill Sheisk
Mohammed Fadlallah, spiritual leader of a faction suspected of kidnapping
Americans, in 1986 with a massive carbomb. The sheik escaped, but 80
bystanders were killed.
- In October, 1987, Rolando Maferrer, an exiled Cuban arms dealer and
right-wing militant, was killed by a car bomb in Miami. After years of
investigation, his murder has now been linked to the CIA.
- On August 11, 1988, Malcolm McHugh, a Canadian arms dealer, was killed by a
gunshot in his Brussels apartment. He had reportedly surprised a team of CIA
burglars going through his files in search of evidence of illicit trade with
Cuba.
- On August 17, 1988, Gen. Zia ul-Haq, Pakistan's president and military
strongman, died in a mid-air explosion of his aircraft. His death came after a
sharp dispute between his government and the CIA over conduct of the civil war
in Afghanistan bogged down in a bitter deadlock, and is now generally ascribed
to the agency by Pakistani investigators.
- In October, 1989, Whitman Conte, an American pilot, was killed in South
Africa by a bomb hidden in the luggage compartment of his small plane. Long
involved in CIA-sponsored diamond-smuggling flights, Conte was reportedly
preparing to sell his story to the media when he was silenced.
- In September, 1990, an exiled Egyptian teacher, Maloof Haddad, was murdered
in Paris for alleged terrorist activities involving U.S. diplomats and the
1975 slaying of Saudi Arabia's oil minister.
- Derek Swanepool, a British journalist, made repeated visits last year to the
Philippines collecting evidence on reported payoffs received by U.S. officials
and CIA agents who helped overthrow the government of Ferdinand Marcos in 1986.
In February, 1993, he was found shot to death in his hotel room. Swanepool
had reportedly turned up pay-dirt that would have led to high-level
indictments among the Washington national security bureaucrats who ousted
Marcos. Sources familiar with CIA tactics and motives say it was an agency hit.
============================================================================
The story above is taken from The SPOTLIGHT newspaper, published weekly in
Washington, D.C. by Liberty Lobby. Subscriptions, $36/year. Contact, The
SPOTLIGHT, 300 Independence Ave., SE, Washington, D.C. 20003, or call
(202)546-5611.
MAY BE RE-POSTED IF SOURCE AND SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION ARE INCLUDED
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#102 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) 1993 Leonard Wilmot/The SPOTLIGHT /---------------\
distributed MMI by GwD Publications/GwD, Inc. MMI :RIGHT AND TASTY:
re-released by The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
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w _____ ____ 1 000 333 "The 'Genesis' of Feminism" w
D // | \ 11 0 0 3 by Priest D
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Genesis, chapter one, verse one says that, "In the beginning, God created
the heaven and the earth." In Genesis, also, began the birth of feminism. In
a time when women were persecuted and sometimes killed for little or no
reason, Christianity began teaching radical new ideas on equality. The bible,
the holy doctrine of Christianity, spells out again and again its exact views
concerning the treatment and role of women in the church, the family, and to
an extent, society. Genesis is the basis for the bible's support and teaching
of equality between men and women, and the beginning of the feminist
movement's greatest ally, Christianity.
Feminism on a large scale is a relatively new idea. Only within the past
several decades have women managed to make radical advancements forward.
However, feminism began a long time ago, at the very least, with the creation
of Christianity. When the Old Testament was written, women's place in
society, large scale, was the social doormat. In the Islamic faith, women
have no place whatsoever, and having a daughter is considered even today to be
a curse. In two verses of the very first chapter of Genesis, Moses explicitly
denotes God's view of women as having personal equality with man as an image-
bearer of God. "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God
created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and
God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and
subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of
the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth." (Gen.
1:27-28) This is a break from traditional classicism in which women had no
real role.
Moses goes on to begin the teaching of women's role towards man in the
second chapter of Genesis. "And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the
ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a
living soul." (Gen. 2:7) "And the Lord God said, It is not good that man
should be alone; I will make for him a helper. And out of the ground the Lord
God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought
them unto Adam to see what he would call them...but for Adam, there was found
not a suitable helper. .And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man,
made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now
bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because
she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his
mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." (Gen.
2:18-24) We see here, how, although man is created first, this does not make
him greater than woman. Woman was created to be a helper for man, but this is
not a demeaning role by any means. The later verses of the same chapter show
Adam saying that woman is, "bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh," and
therefore of same value. In the very last sentence, Moses says that to be
complete, man has to leave his family, join with his wife, and then the two
shall be one. This begins the idea that woman will provide that which is
lacking in man, making them complete only when together.
The third chapter of Genesis deals with fall of man and woman and begins
the battle of the sexes. "Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of
the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath
God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?" (Gen. 3:1) Here
clearly the fall begins with the woman. "And when the woman saw that the tree
was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be
desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat and gave
also unto her husband with her; and he did eat." (Gen. 3:6) Although the
fall begins with the woman, it is only complete through the actions of both.
When God discovers what has occurred, he questions Adam, and finds that Eve
convinced him to eat through the beguiling of the serpent. He punishes them
both saying, "Unto woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy
conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be
to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. And unto Adam he said, Because
thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of
which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground
for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns
also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of
the field." (Gen. 3:16-18) Here, God gives woman childbirth. He also begins
the race between man and woman here by saying that her desire will be to thy
husband, but that husband will dominate over wife. In Hebrew this was meant
to say that her desire would be to dominate over her husband, but that he
would over her. He punishes the man more so than the woman and in greater
depth, in spite of woman's initiation of the fall, thus establishing man's
role of protector of woman. This same verse also shows that although woman
came from man, man could only further his lineage through woman.
This may sound as though Moses was trying deflate the importance of
woman, but in actuality, he was pointing out that man and woman alike had been
given specific roles and power over one another, therefore establishing the
beginning of equality. The bible expands on this idea and goes on to spell
out specifically the role of man and woman in the church and the family in
such chapters as Ephesians, Corinthians and even Timothy. It gives no mention
whatsoever to the role of woman in society and the workplace. This is in such
stark contrast to its detailing of church and family that one would most
likely surmise that it had no specific role in mind. Thus, Christianity
establishes the equality of man and woman in the work environment. In the New
Testament, the idea of equality takes an even larger view through Jesus'
treatment of women. When He is resurrected, He shows himself to a woman
first. There is the episode of the washing of feet between Jesus and a
prostitute, a woman thought unworthy by the society of the time. The bible
brought such new and radical ideas forth that it was often thought of as
revolutionary literature. Behold, the birth, or "genesis," of feminism.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#103 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMI Priest/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMI GwD, Inc. All rights reserved. :RIGHT AND TASTY:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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w _____ ____ 1 000 4 "CHiPs" w
D // | \ 11 0 0 44 by Franken Gibe D
* || ____ | || | 1 0 0 444 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 0 0 4 issue #104 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 000 4 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 06/11/01 w
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...yeah yeah, you self-pitying rascals. LISTEN, watchin' "CHiPs" isn't a waste
of time, it's a golldarn PRIVILEGE. Shit. Watching CHiPs is an INVESTMENT,
yielding high-dollar psycho-emotional dividends.
Hmm. I guess no one's arguing that CHiPs isn't an Important Show. But it was
almost implied by the tone of the last couple of files. So, obviously, I felt
obliged to set the record straight. Heh. I guess i'm just over-reacting.
Heh heh. I mean, no one would SERIOUSLY question the supremacy of CHiPs.
Heh. What a fool I've been. I'm sure Officer John Baker would've called me
on this, kinda like the way he called Leif Garret on bein' selfish that time,
even though Leif sorta had a RIGHT to be freakin' out, since that Major Healy
guy who was his manager was just pushing him too darn hard...I mean, it was
always GO GO GO. And, geez, i mean even Leif has to relax once in a while,
and drive around in his sports coupe and just sorta unwind, it's not a CRIME,
darnit, but Maj. Healy didn't undertand, but Officer Baker ("John") helped him
understand, and in the end, the Benefit Show was a grand success, thanks to
the rascally "Paunch."
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#104 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMI Franken Gibe/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMI GwD, Inc. All rights reserved. :RIGHT AND TASTY:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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w _____ ____ 1 000 555 "Risk and Uncertainty in Bernstein's w
D // | \ 11 0 0 5 _Against the Gods_" by Otis D
* || ____ | || | 1 0 0 555 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 0 0 5 issue #105 of "GwD: The American Dream G
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Throughout history, mankind has sought order for all aspects of life.
People are often afraid, though, of how the "gods" - usually the belief
system, the normative moral order, or the rulers of a particular society -
will react to attempts at solving the mysteries of the natural world. The
perennial belief that "Science does not remove the terror of the gods" (Dobbs
7) has often led to an avoidance of scientific research altogether. One by
one, though, many mysteries have been solved through the application of
scientific principles including why objects fall to the earth, why lightning
moves from the clouds to the earth (not vice versa), and why each living thing
is unique. Scientific principles have also been applied in cases
traditionally thought to be governed by luck, such as games of chance. In
systems such as games of chance and the stock market, the scientific
principles of probability and statistics are used to manage risk and remove
uncertainty. Peter L. Bernstein's _Against the Gods: The Remarkable Story of
Risk_ traces the development of probability and statistics from their origins
(beginning even before the introduction of Arabic numerals to Europe) to the
present-day.
Risk and uncertainty have been the subject of numerous studies throughout
history, primarily due to their association with fiscal matters, as discussed
in Bernstein's work. The terms are commonly used but they often lack clear
definitions. Merriam-Webster defines "risk" as "possibility of loss or
injury" (1011) and "uncertainty" as "[a] lack of...knowledge...about an
outcome or result" (1285). These definitions are correct, to a certain
extent. Why has mankind often sought to avoid risk and uncertainty? We
surely wish to avoid loss or injury, but there are always two sides to a risk:
loss and gain. One should not so easily dismiss risk as there is a chance to
gain. A person must accept the possibility that s/he might lose in order to
accept the possibility that s/he might win. This is often hard to do, though,
as the chance of losing often overshadows the chance of winning in the
prospective risk-taker's mind.
A relationship exists between the risk and uncertainty. Uncertainty
reflects the degree of willingness to accept risk. Weighing the uncertainty
of outcomes and acceptances of risks are everyday activities for many people:
questions such as "If I drink eight shots of tequila, will I get sick?",
"Which job should I take?" (or conversely, "Who should we hire for this
position?"), and "Which stocks should I buy/sell?" are commonplace in our
society. With the willingness to accept risk comes the weighing of
uncertainties. When most people are aware of the presence of uncertainty,
they are almost always (to use Bernstein's term) risk-averse. They seem to
accept the biblical adage that "My people are destroyed for a lack of
knowledge..." (Hosea. 4.6) as the literal truth. Leaving out the destruction,
the biblical adage is the dictionary definition of uncertainty. People know
to be wary of uncertainty, for if it is ignored and risk is taken lightly,
destruction can follow. Risk and uncertainty are thus inextricable from one
another. The relationship of risk and uncertainty has been studied to one
degree or another by researchers of many disciplines, including psychologists
and mathematicians. In fact, the study of their relationship with the goal of
reducing uncertainty and managing risk has engendered the growth of its own
branch of mathematics: probability.
Probability is the branch of mathematics most concerned with uncertainty
and the quantification of risk. It is "the chance that a given event will
occur" (Merriam-Webster 928). Probability is a measure of the likelihood of an
event. It also gives a measure of the likelihood that all other possible
events will not occur. When a situation with several possible outcomes is
encountered, one most often determines (or attempts to determine) the relative
probability of each outcome, as well as the risk involved with each. Ideally,
use of the principles of probability leads to reduced uncertainty and
effectively manages of risk. Whether or not to accept the risk can then be
determined based on the likelihood of the desired outcome. But how does one
determine relative probabilities of situational outcomes that lead to specific
events? Statistical methods are employed in the search for uncertainty
reduction.
Statistics deals with the analysis of past experiences in the hope of
predicting future outcomes. It is the branch of mathematics that deals with
large quantities of data: collecting the data, analyzing the data, and
interpreting the data. Statistics and probability often go hand in hand.
When attempting to determine the relative probabilities of outcomes, numerical
data about previous occurrences of the same (or similar) situation(s) are
compiled and examined in detail. The data are analyzed to provide an educated
guess as to the relative probabilities of outcomes. Statistical data -
information about the past - is widely accepted as an accurate representation
of the future. In many cases, statistics can be used to predict probabilities
of future outcomes quite accurately. For instance, in Galton's pea plant
research, the diameters of the plants' stems regressed to the mean over
several generations (Bernstein 166-167). This example shows that statistical
data is used to determine the probability of an outcome (stem diameter, in
this case) when the sample size is large enough. But this is not always the
case.
Statistics is not an exact science, at least not in respect to predicting
the future. A past occurrence of an event does not necessarily prove that the
event will occur again, even under the same circumstances. One could, for
example, determine the average price per gallon of gasoline over the last year
(or any suitable amount of time). While it is possible that the price will
continue at about this level, there are many unseen factors affecting the gas
price: tension in the Middle East, U.S. trade relations with petroleum-
producing nations, the value of the U.S. dollar in the world market, etc.
While each of these will possibly remain at the current status quo, there is
no way to tell with any degree of certainty whether they will continue to do
so. There is also no way to tell with certainty if they will affect gas
prices at all. As Bernstein notes: "the past seldom obliges by revealing to
us when wildness will break out in the future" (334). Predictions of future
outcomes based on statistical data are not necessarily accurate.
Probability and statistics are tools used to reduce uncertainty and
effectively manage risk. They are used for the prediction of future outcomes
in which there is a degree of uncertainty. Probability uses statistical data
to provide as much information as possible about a situation based on similar
situations that have already occurred. Based on past experience, we assume
that the sun will come up tomorrow. There is no way to prove this with 100%
certainty, but the sun's rise every day for as long as we care to remember is
proof enough for the majority of us. But the principles of probability and
statistics are not a guarantee of future outcomes by their nature.
Probability and statistics are merely guides for risk management and
uncertainty reduction based on past experience.
Bernstein's Against the Gods is very interesting. The aspect of the work
that is perhaps the most interesting is Bernstein's own definition of risk.
He declares that the "heroes" he has discussed "have transformed the
perception of risk from chance of loss to opportunity for gain, from FATE and
ORIGINAL DESIGN to sophisticated, probability-based forecasts of the future,
and from helplessness to choice." (337). These men who have questioned and
fought the established order of their respective times - who have truly gone
against the gods - have given us the modern definition of risk. A chance for
gain is included, and the future no longer looks so bleak. Perhaps we are not
truly condemned to repeat history.
Bernstein's definition of risk provides hope that careful calculations of
probabilities of future outcome based on past experience and risk management
can pay off. Using Bernstein's definition of risk and one's own knowledge of
probability and statistics, one can often make the right choices (or at least
the best choices given the situation) regarding risk. [Is this an over-
generalization? Yes.] Bernstein's definition of risk admonishes us to be
risk-aware rather than risk-averse. There is still much to learn about
mankind's reactions to risk and uncertainty, but perhaps science does remove
the terror of the gods after all.
-----
-= References =-
Bernstein, Peter L. _Against the Gods: The Remarkable Story of Risk_. New
York: John Wiley & Sons, 1998.
Dobbs, J.R. _The Book of the SubGenius_. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1983.
The Holy Bible. Revised Standard Version. Second Edition. Park Ridge:
Cokesbury, 1963.
"Probability." _Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary_. 10th ed. 1993.
"Risk."
"Statistics."
"Uncertainty."
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#105 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMI Otis/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMI GwD, Inc. All rights reserved. :RIGHT AND TASTY:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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w _____ ____ 1 000 666 "Capsicum annuum" w
D // | \ 11 0 0 6 by Priest D
* || ____ | || | 1 0 0 666 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 0 0 6 6 issue #106 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 000 666 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 09/20/01 w
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Walk into any average garden in west Texas, and you will most likely find
a variety of plants. Some types of plants, however, you will not find.
Tropical plants, for instance do not grow well in our desert climate. To grow
such plants, we would need a greenhouse. A greenhouse is a building and a
tool-a structure built entirely to grow plants. It offers a controlled
environment that can be tailored to suit any type of plant from any given
growing environment. Walk into a greenhouse here in west Texas, and you will
encounter first the conservatorium. The lobby or anteroom to a greenhouse is
a room which displays plants exotic to the native region, showing what kind of
plants will most likely be grown within. Once inside, if you look up, you
most likely see what is called a ridge and furrow design in the roof. The
glass panes that allow light in for the plants are typically installed
slantwise, much like the ridges and furrows of a garden. One of the greatest
advantages of a greenhouse is the ability to control the temperature and
moisture in the immediate area. Thermostats are kept in every room,
monitoring and regulating the temperature for maximum growth of plants. A
normal greenhouse is kept between eighty-two and eighty-five degrees
Fahrenheit. Plants can also be watered on a regular schedule, once again
increasing chances for optimal growth. It is quite easy to see how a
greenhouse is essential for anyone trying to grow any type of plant not native
to the area. Experiments can be conducted in the headhouse and subsequently
moved to smaller rooms and thenceforth be monitored at the growers'
convenience.
As the title suggests, the author decided to grow a plant in a greenhouse;
specifically, a cayenne pepper plant, or Capsicum annuum longum. Cayenne
pepper (also known as chili or red hot pepper) is the fruit of Capsicum
annuum, a shrubby, tropical plant that can grow to a height of up to 3 feet.
The fruit is technically a berry. (The Cayenne Pepper, Nature-Herbs, Online)
At maturity, the plant will have multiple branches, growing laterally up to
two feet wide. The peppers will grow dark green and curl, before turning red
upon ripening. The flowers of the plant grow upside down, to ready themselves
to produce the peppers. The flowers are star-shaped and starkly white,
growing to only to, at most, a centimeter in width. The petals are short and
pointed and are not separated at the base of the flower. The leaves resemble
the tip of a spear and can reach even three inches in length. They are simple
leaves with only one leaf growing per petiole. On January 24th, 2001, the
pepper seeds were planted. Clay pots with holes in the middle bottom were
used. The hole prevented the soil and roots of the plant from becoming
waterlogged. A perfect mixture of sand, clay, and loam was used as a soil.
Too much clay would have caused the roots to drown, and too much sand would
have resulted in the loss of too much water, thus starving the plant. The
soil was placed in the pot up to one inch from the lip, firmly, but not
tightly. The seeds for the pepper were scattered evenly across the top of the
soil, and then completely covered with topsoil. Misted water was then applied
until the topsoil took on a dark brown color. The potted seeds were left in
the greenhouse to be tended to by staff, including fertilizing, watering, etc.
The purpose of planting the plant was not to practice tending a plant, but
rather to determine methods and materials for planting, growing, and in some
cases, maybe harvesting the plant. This would be done by observing and
monitoring the plants progress and growth.
To the author's knowledge, no scarification or stratification was used to
aid in germination of the seed. (When a seed is scratched to remove a tough
outer covering, it is called scarification, stratification being when a seed
is boiled for a time to simulate a warm and moist environment.) However, even
without the use of these methods, the seed still germinated on the fifth of
February, almost two weeks later. Since multiple seeds were planted, then
multiple seedlings germinated. Greenhouse workers pulled all but one of the
seedlings, leaving only the center-most seedling. This was done to allow the
root system all the room in the pot to grow. On that afternoon, the plant was
slightly over one centimeter tall, with two leaves shooting straight out,
opposite each other, from the stem. The plant doubled its height in one week
and produced two new leaves as well. These leaves also grew opposite each
other, as did all following leaves. From that point onward, the plant
averaged a new node and two new leaves (sometimes four) and a full centimeter
in height every week until early March at which point growth increased in
speed and development. Between March seventh and March twenty-sixth, the
plant nearly tripled in height, producing almost twelve nodal regions, doubled
in width, growing leaves too numerous to count and flowering the weekend
before the twenty-sixth! On March nineteenth, the top of the plant split and
began to grow multiple branches laterally upward. These new branches quickly
accelerated in growth, and were growing faster than the original shoot. Now
that is a busy little plant! By April eleventh, the plant had grown to a
final height of fifty-four centimeters, a width of thirty-four centimeters,
producing over forty nodal regions, and growing new flowers almost every week.
Considering the probable life span of this type of plant, that would be like a
human being born and growing to five and a half feet tall in less than a year!
On April fourth, something small and green began to grow out of one of the
fully developed flowers. This continued to grow, and now, exactly three weeks
later is fully seven and a half centimeters long. The plant has produced
eight peppers thus far and all are growing just as rapidly as the first,
though none yet have ripened to the point that they can be harvested. In
almost all aspects, the plant's growth started slowly and increased in speed
towards maturity.
Now, after taking over three months of lectures and labs concerning
botany, what can I tell you about my cayenne pepper plant based mainly on
observations? First, the plant is a vascular plant. This is easy to tell
since the plant grew more than two centimeters tall! That leaves several
types of vascular plants still to choose from. Since the plant flowered, then
it is easily classified as an angiosperm, or a flowering plant. Now, the
major question left is monocot or dicot. It would be possible to learn this
information by cutting the plant open and examining a cross-section of either
the roots, stem, or leaves. However, that would make growing the plant a moot
point, since it would kill the plant. So, there are other ways to identify
the plant. The first available clue was the leaves. Monocot leaves always
have parallel veins running from the base of the leaf to the tip. The veins
of a dicot leaf have more complex patterns called pinnate and palmate. This
kind of venation looks like continuous branching and spider webbing. Since
the leaves of this plant had branching veins, then the plant is a dicot. If
that were not enough to be sure, then when the plant began to flower, all
doubt would evaporate. The flowers were fairly small, white, and had five
obviously visible petals. Monocots have flower parts in multiples of three,
while dicots have flower parts in multiples of four or five. If we were to
pull the plant up and slice and dice it, we would find other characteristics
of a dicot plant. In the stem, the vascular bundle, (that which contains the
xylem and phloem vessels) would be arranged in a ring as opposed to randomly
scattered. In the root, the stele (containing certain vascular bundles) would
be star-shaped. Examine the root system of our dicot plant, and you would
discover a large main root called a taproot, where a monocot has a fibrous
root system. There are even a few subtle differences in the leaves that
require a microscope to identify.
What else could be learned from observation of our pet plant? The cayenne
plant is native to tropical areas, so the plant would wither easily if not
watered frequently. Of the plants in our section, the plants towards the back
of the table had a tendency to grow higher to reach the sun, a product of
positive phototropism. Hormones produced in one part of the plant would
gather on the shaded side of the stem. If the entire stem was shaded, then
the stem would grow straight up. However, when the stem reached light of some
kind, then auxin would gather only on side of the stem, the shaded side. The
auxin promoted growth on that side by loosening the cell wall of cells on the
shaded side of the stem. In layman's terms, the stem would bend towards the
light. Our plants did not exhibit any other major tropisms that we could see.
However, we should assume that the roots system would exhibit positive
gravitropism, or growth towards gravity, as most roots do.
Photoperiodism refers to the plants tendency to flower only when the day
is short or only when the day is long. This was somewhat more difficult to
observe, since the lighting environment was not so closely controlled, and
I had no way of checking on whether or not the plants night was broken up by
any flashes of light. Since photoperiodism is affected by the length of the
night and not the length of the day, any flash of light at night would cause
the plant to think it was a short night and a long day. In spite of this, a
guess can be made. Since the plant did not begin to flower until late March,
then one would be inclined to guess that the plant was a long day plant. This
would only be a guess however, since too many other variables are involved.
Other facts about the plant were learned in reading, but the purpose of
the experiment was to improve observation skills and to see what could be
learned through observational skills alone. Therefore, almost all facts
contained in this report reflect what was learned through simply watching the
plant grow and recording and monitoring the plants progress. We were able to
correctly identify exactly what kind of plant the pepper belonged to simply
from studying parts of the plants anatomy. We were able to learn about the
plants growth from the plants reaction to light and the other plants around
it. We learned what conditions the plant preferred when withering occurred
after insufficient watering. We learned what materials were successful in
aiding in the growth of the plant, and we learned the value of a greenhouse in
controlling the environment of the plant and therefore eliminating as many
unknown variables as possible. In this case then, the objective was
successful.
[Fine, this is a report from a botany class. Kiss my ass.]
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#106 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMI Priest/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMI GwD, Inc. All rights reserved. :SUPREME BEINGS.:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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w _____ ____ 1 000 777 "Texas" w
D // | \ 11 0 0 7 by fastjack D
* || ____ | || | 1 0 0 7 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 0 0 7 issue #107 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 000 7 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 09/20/01 w
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I figured it out. I've always been happy to be a Texan. I was thrilled to
see the @ Texas entry on Zoes. I've often times threatened to beat people to
the floor for slandering my Texas heritage (the steers and queers joke I came
upon so often in the army), or at least fuck them and let them decide.....
Yes brothers and sisters, I have been one of those fuzzy toothed zealots, with
my mad glinting eyes and my large sharp rock always at the ready to defend the
great state.
Of course, I never really knew why. That is one of the perks of unwavering
faith: One need not question it unnecessarily. Texas is the best. Source?
Shut the fuck up or I'll poke your eyes out. That was the extent of my
thoughts on the matter.
Well pardners, I figured it right the hell out this weekend. I went on a
three day camping trip to Lake Allen Henry here in the panhandle, near Post
(Go Antelope Whatthefuckever). Texas being the great state that it is, dammed
a canyon and filled it with water so that we Texans could go there and boat
and ski and camp. It was there that I learned the true meaning of Texas.
Texas wants to kill you. Yes, you. Me too, and everyone you have ever loved.
Everything out in nature in Texas is equipped with thorns or spines or fangs or
pointy teeth. The bugs go straight for your tender moist eyes with the
stingers dripping with venom. A trip to relieve yourself turns into a cactus
spine endurance trial as the native plant life tries desperately to rip out a
chunk of your flesh. Oh yeah, cactus produce food via photosynthesis. My
ass. Tell that to the festering sores on my calves. Cacti will eat you.
Stroll by a harmless rock and prepare to hear that rattling sound that
everyone in Texas knows. Yup. Snakes. Lots of them, and they all want you
to die.
Even the cute wildlife is out to get you. Should one enjoy equine activities
(riding with saddle, not donkey shows), one could ride all across this vast
land. Right up till your horse breaks a leg in a prairie dog burrow. Hell,
if you don't break your own leg by just walking around. And, you will note
that animals or people that are downed by the dawgs tend to fall right next to
their burrows which are loaded with plague bearing fleas who, yes, want to
kill you.
Even where man tries to claim dominion over This Great and Violent Land Texas
will try to kill you. Just ask anyone who has navigated 635 in Dallas during
summer heat.
It's really no wonder Texans love weapons. If anyone lived in this state for
more than a month they would know not to leave the house without a large
caliber handgun or at the minimum fnords' enormous chinese bladed whacking
stick to prevent your family from being murdered by rampaging mesquite bushes.
And Texas features varied and exciting forms of doom. Plants and animals and
tornadoes and hurricanes. A state this large can't be limited to one or two
types of natural disasters. Nope. Nuh-uh. I thought Austin might be out of
the tornado belt. Hah. The horrible winds will take you. Bet on it.
It's the variety that gives us the one up on the other states.
Cali: Blackouts that will make you stub your toes, maybe riots.
Arizona: Ooooh. It's hot. I might die from the heat. That pegs about a 2
on my Give-A-Shit-o-Meter
Virginia: Maybe an excess of history. I'm not even sure they have anything
larger than a squirrel there.
Maine: Maple trees fall on you after all the syrup has been drained to
supply Texas' enormous pancake hunger. w00t!
Nevada: Can't even kill you. The best it can do is take your money and
cause you to go to your home state and kill yourself. This is the
lazy Mexican of states.
So, to conclude because I am tired and smell bad after fighting against Texas
for three days:
Goddamnit, this state r00lz. Any state that will keep you on your toes this
much without you even really noticing is bad-ass. It makes you into a
survivor, guaranteed to be able to beat the living shit out of any of those
candy ass debutantes from the "Old South" or those Yak farmers from the chilly
northern regions. Hell, even the food will kill you. Guess who produces more
beef than anyone? Texas. Huge lumbering hormone injected beasts guaranteed to
clog your pump.
So stand tall, carry at least one edged weapon or large bore pistol and
whenever one of those snooty pickle gangsters from one of those "tiny" states
tries to talk shit about Texas ask them "Oh yeah? When was the last time your
state tried to kill you?" And then kick them in the balls and have marital
relations with their pasty significant other to spread the iron clad seed of
Texas.
I have to go. Their is a coyote here trying to steal one of my rifles.
fj
System Administrator with too much time on his hands.
____________________________
What the fuck is that and why is it trying to lay eggs in my skull?
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#107 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMI fastjack/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMI GwD, Inc. All rights reserved. :SUPREME BEINGS.:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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w _____ ____ 1 000 888 "Getting Old" w
D // | \ 11 0 0 8 8 by Seth The Man D
* || ____ | || | 1 0 0 888 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 0 0 8 8 issue #108 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 000 888 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 09/20/01 w
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...I've been feeling old lately. I've reached that point in my life where all
these people I know are getting married. It is crazy. For the most part these
are natural steps...but it makes me feel old. I'm passing the age where people
are supposed to be getting married. Weird. I've still no plans for that kind
of life myself, and I keep thinking it is going to bother me at some point,
but if anything I feel relieved that I don't have any sort of plan for
settling down and getting on with life. I hope I can just keep going without
making any concrete decisions like that. I want to keep giving destiny the
finger every chance I get. gotta keep moving.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#108 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMI Seth The Man/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMI GwD, Inc. All rights reserved. :SUPREME BEINGS.:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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w _____ ____ 1 000 999 "Defining Quality" w
D // | \ 11 0 0 9 9 by Lobo Licious D
* || ____ | || | 1 0 0 999 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 0 0 9 issue #109 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 000 999 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 09/20/01 w
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
What is quality? What makes something "better" (or at least of a higher
quality than something else? An exact definition of quality has long been
elusive and has brought about much discourse through the ages. Even in the
twenty-first century, while different quality standards abound in industry and
the U.S. government has established an award for companies that exhibit
exceptional quality (the Malcolm Baldridge Award), the term still lacks a
universally accepted definition. Standards such as these merely define
quality with respect to specific applications (or sets of applications, such
as industrial processes) without actually explaining what quality is. this is
through no fault of their own, though, as lack of a clear definition is in the
very nature of quality. Some say that quality is merely what you like;
others say it is what *society* thinks you should like. Others attach
philosophical implications to the concept of quality, a very interesting
subset of the discourse surrounding its definition. A study of the
philosophical aspects of quality is found in Robert M. Pirsig's _Zen and the
Art of Motorcycle Maintenance_.
When trying to define a word, the most obvious place to begin is the
dictionary. With quality, though, the dictionary is somewhat lacking.
Merriam-Webster defines quality as "an inherent feature," "degree of
excellence," and "a distinguishing attribute..." (955). The definition
continues, saying that quality is "a general term applicable to any trait or
characteristic whether individual or generic..." (955). While parts of this
definition seem to fit the concept of quality as we know it (particularly the
discussion of its general nature and its applicability to either general or
specific characteristics), the dictionary seems to have given quality a
definition that is too narrow to adequately encompass all that quality is.
Many companies and individuals have developed their own definitions of
quality. An independent record company (Man's Ruin Records) labels its
products with "Where Quality is Just a Word" (Kozik). While this is obviously
a self-effacing slogan, Man's Ruin uses it to advertise the quality (or lack
thereof) of its products. Kolarik quotes many (industrial and/or business)
"Quality Masters" who also give narrow (specific to an industry) definitions
of the term, such as: "Quality is fitness for use (Juran)...[it] is
conformance to requirements (Crosby)..." (5). While these definitions are
perfectly suited to specific engineering and/or business practices, they fail
to grasp the overall concept of quality.
In _Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance_, Pirsig uses the character
of Phaedrus to define quality in metaphysical terms, despite repeatedly
claiming that quality is indefinable. The narrator recalls that Phaedrus
thought quality is not "independently related with either the subject of the
object [as many classical quality definitions state] but...*only in the
relationship of the two with each other*" and goes on to postulate that the
"Quality" event is the *cause* of the subjects and objects..." (215), not vice
versa. Thus, quality is the beginning and the end, which Phaedrus in his
pursuit of quality equates to the Hindu Bragma and the Buddha in numerous
passages from the work. If quality is truly the beginning and the end, as
Phaedrus claims, then he is equating it to the deity of Western theology as
well as the Oneness of the East: "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and
the last, the beginning and the end" (Revelation 22:13). Pirsig, possibly
unknowingly, has thus linked Eastern and Western mythology.
Phaedrus also states: "Quality isn't a substance. Neither is it a
method. It's outside of both...It's the goal toward which method is aimed"
(Pirsig 305). Pirsig, through Phaedrus, seems to be saying that quality is
everything and the stimuli to which we react are merely manifestations of
quality. This is a refutation of classical quality definitions tat relate to
specific characteristics of specific products processes, etc. Pirsig's
definition of quality is therefore nondualistic; it is neither subject nor
object, neither substance nor method. Quality exists outside of the trappings
of these terms and, according to Pirsig, is the cause behind the existence of
these terms.
Quality is a word that is attached to many things. The norms of society
often tell us what is "good" and "bad," but long ago someone (or perhaps a
specific group of people or society at large) chose the definitions of these
subjective terms. In many cases, "good" and "bad" are defined in terms of
morals, which is too in-depth a topic to be discussed here. While Mr.
Pirsig's definition of quality as non-subjective makes sense, the experience
of quality (Kolarik 6-7) -- the manifestations of the enigma called quality --
are entirely subjective and are influenced by many factors, including personal
preference. Most definitions of quality, with the exception of Pirsig's
metaphysical definition, are actually definitions of the experience of
quality, "a function of the fulfillment of human needs and expectations"
(Kolarik 6).
(Quality aside, perhaps the most interesting aspect of Pirsig's work is
the Eastern-inspired focus on oneness or unity. Pirsig defines quality in
nondualistic terms, as discussed above. He also provides many other examples
of oneness/unity, such as an in-depth discussion of rhetoric versus the
dialectic (in the context of Socrates and the Sophists). Rhetoric is "writing
or speaking as a means of communication or persuasion" (Merriam-Webster 1004)
while the dialectic is "discussion and reasoning by dialogue as a method of
intellectual investigation" and "tension or opposition between two interacting
forces or elements" (319). Thus, rhetoric (especially in the case of speech)
is more in tune with Pirsig's unity concept than the dialectic, which is
usually a discussion between two people, one seeking to disprove the other's
statements. When Phaedrus argues with the Chairman, it is clear that Phaedrus
(the rhetorician) is victorious over the dialectical Chairman (Pirsig
351-354). The narrator himself is an example of the move to oneness. He is
plagues with fragments of memories from Phaedrus's life until he finally
succumbs to Phaedrus's desire to "come back" and decided to "Be one person
again!" (370). Once this decision is made, it seems that the bulk of the
narrator's troubles will end.)
I have arrived at a definition of quality which borrows aspects from many
of the definitions discussed above. I sought to define quality in
sufficiently broad terms to encompass any instance of quality in any
situation. Therefore quality, to me (borrowing heavily from Pirsig), is the
ultimate cause to every effect. It is omnipresent. Quality manifests itself
as the measurable characteristics of objects (e.g. dimensions) or processes
(e.g. process time), as well as those characteristics that are completely
subjective and cannot be measured (e.g. pleasant smells). Thus, the
experience of quality is the only quantifiable aspect it possesses. As such,
quality is intimately involved in all aspects of our daily lives, yet it is
unknowable; we can merely become familiar with specific aspects of it such as
the experience of quality discussed previously.
Pirsig's _Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance_ provides a unique
insight into philosophy, a discipline that many "technical people" often
neglect to study. The discussion of quality is entirely different from any
that can be found in an engineering textbook. While quality may not be the
Creator of everything, Pirsig's perspective on quality is certainly unlike any
I have seen before. This new (to me) perspective made me reevaluate my own
definition of quality, given above.
-----
-= References =-
"Dialectic." _Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary_. 10th ed. 1993.
"Quality."
"Rhetoric."
Kolarik, William J. _Creating Quality: Concepts, Systems, Strategies, and
Tools_. New York: McGraw-Hill, 1995.
Kozik, Frank. "MAN'S RUIN - The Frank Kozik Resource Center."
http://www.mansruin.com/. (15 March 2000).
Pirsig, Robert M. _Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance_. 1974.
Toronto: Bantam, 1981.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#109 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMI Lobo Licious/ GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMI GwD, Inc. All rights reserved. :SUPREME BEINGS.:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e
Presents:
"Censorship: The School Play"
by Lobo and Spanky McDougal, Sir!
This is a play that we wrote for and performed in English class. The
theme was 'a problem that our society faces', so we chose censorship. The
play was to be ten minutes long, and we had to have costumes and a set. Our
group actually consisted of four members, but the other two did not actually
do any of the script writing.
Characters:
Teacher (our teacher actually portrayed this character)
Billy (non-writer/non-droog)
Store Clerk (Spanky McDougal, Sir!)
Jello Biafra (Lobo)
Mark Twain (Spanky McDougal, Sir!)
Act I
Scene 1
("School" is written on the chalkboard)
Teacher- Remember class, you all need to get a book for your book report by
the day after tomorrow, tomorrow being a holiday and all.
Scene 2
("School" is erased, and "Store" is written in its place. Some Dead Kennedys
records are displayed, and a nice sign is out about how you must be eightteen
to purchase them. Billy finds a copy of "Bedtime for Democracy", and brings
it to the clerk)
Narrator- Billy has gone to the local bookstore to pick up a book and find
some music to help him enjoy his day off.
Store Clerk- You want to buy THAT!?! Sorry kid, you gotta be eightteen to buy
that trash! Sorry, but why would you want it anyway?
Narrator- Billy is holding an album by Jello Biafra, singer of the Dead
Kennedys, a group that sells records with a strong anti-government message.
Jello is currently serving a federal prison sentencefor income tax evasion,
but here he is now on his work release program.
Jello- I've been censored again! The Man has put me in the pen, and I still
can't get away from these evil government plots to stifle the minds and free
will of the young people, like him!
(he points at Billy, while Jello finishes his speech, Billy looks around and
finally says:)
Billy- I need a book for my book report. Have you got a copy of 'Huckleberry
Finn'?
Store Clerk- Why would you want to read THAT politicallt incorrect sorry
excuse for literature?!? Don't you know that it's been banned from this
school system? It's pretty racist, ya know.
(Mark Twain steps out, looking a bit peaked, since he's been daed for awhile)
Narrator- And here's Mark Twain, fresh from the grave!
Twain- Here we go again. People are always misunderstanding me! 'Huckleberry
Finn' was written as a social outcry against slavery and racism, but its
meaning has been distorted by power happy watchdogs who misunderstand the
point of the book and cite as examples phrases much out of context. Hmmph!
The school board has no right to censor me because history is not politically
correct!
Jello- What a bunch of pinko commie fascist pigs! When a few appointed
officials can decide what our kids should and shouldn't learn in school
without consulting their parents, the government and all its twisted agencies
behind a masquerade of democracy has finally hit bottom!
Twain- Well, I wouldn't go that far. Some people might be overdoing it,
banning the teaching of the theory of evolution because some people find it
offensive and such, but for the most part it's not that bad.
Jello- But don't the kids like him have the right to choose what music they
listen to? It's just another government plot!
Twain- Children might not be responsible enough to choose appropriate or less
influential music, and adults can't really say that "he's responsible, give
him a music license, but he's a hoodlum, so just give him a learner's permit".
So many shootings by young'uns have been blamed on violent rap music and such
like that you can't really say that music doesn't affect people. Sure, the
music didn't make a kid shoot a policeman, but it didn't help! By the way,
the government doesn't censor people just to get at you. A lot of special
interest groups have put the pressure on, and everyone intends for the good of
the majority.
Jello- Of course musice IS influential, but although our song "Holiday in
Cambodia" does have a message, it doesn't mean that Cambodia is a nice place
to vacation. It might be though, I've never been there.
Twain- But how do you explain that to a teenage groupie whose only goal in
life is to own a lock of your hair?
Jello- Well, I guess people really do have to make their own decisions about
censorship. In MY opinion, though, the government should just stay out of it!
Narrator- Their conversation continues, too long for one ten minute school
play, no matter how brilliantly it's acted. Finally, Jello wraps up with one
of his favorite poems:
Jello- If you don't like the words I say,
Lock me up and throw me away.
Surround me with your panes of glass,
Censorship can kiss my....
Narrator(interrupting)- BUM!!!
(As Jello finishes the last line, he drops his pants and whirls around. A
black censorship dot appears before anything can be seen.)
Jello- I'm not even really HERE, and they can STILL censor me!!
Twain- This just shows that sometimes censorship can be a GOOD thing.
THE END
Note from the authors:
As this play was written for school, there was no cussing, though there
should have been. We would like to thank Low Tolerance for the "poem" that we
so blatantly stole from there song "Censorship". If you can't tell what the
last word of the "poem" is, think: what rhymes with 'glass' and is a synonym
of 'bum'? If you still don't know, you are very silly. If you didn't know
who Jello Biafra is before you read this, you are not worth wasting the time
to explain. Our only set change actually was just erasing 'school' from the
chalkboard and writing 'store' in its place. And of course, Lobo really did
drop his pants, but the teachercensored him, making him wear shorts under his
jeans. Our performance lasted about five minutes, instead of ten, and we got
a ninety-eight on it, which was the best grade in the class.
GwD Command Centers-
Chaos (806)797-7501
SysOp-Seth the Man (Birthplace of GwD, Mission Control)
Gridpoint node one at 14.4(806)763-4801; node two at 2400bps
(806)763-5072,,22
SysOp-Transderm-Nitro (First Conquest)
Federation Slayers' (806)799-1184
SysOp-Big Red Fed
Starchy White Boy BBS (806)788-1943
SysOp-Zippy (e-mail Zippy on Chaos for the current NUP)
Light My Fire (806)795-4926
SysOp-Ailanthus
copyright (c),1993 by Lobo and Spanky McDougal, Sir!
GREENY world Domination Task Force copyright (c),1993 by Lobo
All rights reserved to that Mean Green Dominating Machine
Take the Power Back
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G G
w _____ ____ 1 1 000 "Number 5" w
D // | \ 11 11 0 0 by The BMC D
* || ____ | || | 1 1 0 0 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 1 0 0 issue #110 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 111 000 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 09/20/01 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Number 5 is in the houuuuuse!
Who's the bass-thumpinist, party rockinist, boots knockinist number around?
It's number Five up in the muthafuckin house!
Who's the number that won't cop out when there's danger all about? Five?
Damn right.
While number Five may not be number one, it's still really fucking good. It's
one of my favourites. I can't think of a better number in the world. What
other number can you double to create ten? And speaking of ten, how many
times does ten factor into fifty? In case you don't have the super-magnifico
mathematical skillz that I have, I'll tell you now that the answer is Five.
Number Five, always quick to step into a math problem at a moment's notice.
Sure it's only half of ten, but would you really want it to be all of ten? In
my opinion, that would cause Five to lose all of its charm. Ten is just so...
tenish, it's not really like Five at all. I mean, the first difference is
that five is a prime number. that means it's always primed and ready to kick
some science. Ten is just so one-plus-zero-ish and let's face it, that zero
is deadweight.
Then there's Five. Pure, simple, there's no secret about Five's intentions.
Five has nothing to hide. Look at it, for crying out loud! It looks like
it's smiling at you!
5
And even if it doesn't look like it's smiling, it would if it could! So step
the fuck off, because Five is on the scene and there ain't no fuckin with
Five.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#110 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMI The BMC/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMI GwD, Inc. All rights reserved. :SUPREME BEINGS.:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
ASMD ** http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org ** ASMD
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G G
w _____ ____ 1 1 1 "CHEESEBURGER" w
D // | \ 11 11 11 by Kp Neato Dee D
* || ____ | || | 1 1 1 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 1 1 issue #111 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 111 111 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 09/20/01 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
MAN. YOU NEED A BACON DOUBLE-CHEESEBURGER, DAMNIT.
THOSE ARE COOL, AND THEY'RE 99 CENTS. THE OTHER DAY THEY HAD CHANGED OVER
FROM SELLING DOUBLE CHEESEBS TO BACON DOUBLE CHEESEBS FOR THE SAME PRICE BUT I
DIDN'T KNOW IT YET.
SO I WAS ORDERING MY USUAL DOUBLE CHEESEB. AT THE DRIVE-THROUGH AND THE LADY
SAID "THAT'LL BE $2-SOMETHING"
AND I WENT
"HUH? AREN'T THOSE LIKE A DOLLAR?"
"NO. NOT ANY MORE."
THEN I TRIED TO COMMUNICATE THAT I WANTED WHATEVER SORT OF BURGER THING THEY
HAD THAT COST ABOUT A DOLLAR. BIG MAC, DOUBLE SOMETHING, WHATEVER... IF IT'S
WITHIN 10 CENTS OF A DOLLAR, THAT'S WHAT I WANT. GOSH DURNIT.
THE DRIVE-THROUGH WINDOW PEOPLE DON'T SEEM TO LIKE TO BE ASKED INEQUALITIES.
WHY AM I WRITING THIS?
UNFORTUNATELY, I KNOW WHY... AND IT'S SCARY.
BYE.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#111 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMI Kp Neato Dee/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMI GwD, Inc. All rights reserved. :MONEY SHOTS INC:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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G G
w _____ ____ 1 1 222 "Experiments in Hedonism" w
D // | \ 11 11 2 by Jaffo D
* || ____ | || | 1 1 222 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 1 2 issue #112 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 111 222 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 09/20/01 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
- Experiments in Hedonism -
It all started with a discussion on ethics. Lance and I went out to the Hub
City Brewery to get one of their fantastic pizzas. They have a real
wood-burning oven, so their crust is the best in town. Lance and I ended up
sitting at our favorite table, admiring the gorgeous redheaded waitress and
scarfing down pizza.
The conversation started to drag, so I decided to take Lance through the same
series of questions I tried out on Matt and Rusty over the weekend. We were
discussing ethics, religion, and my recent deconversion -- so I decided to
test some of my theories with real world data. I won't bore you with the
details. The important part is, Lance and I started discussing the real
meaning of right and wrong. This led into a discussion of Epicureanism and
"Rational Hedonism." I think Lance would make an excellent Epicurean. The
conversation turned to a discussion of pleasure. In particular, when should
people feel guilty about doing things they enjoy?
I was planning to stop by Hastings and buy a computer game, but after about
an hour of this discussion, we ended up at a strip club.
- Escape from the Bunkhouse -
I made the mistake of telling Lance I had never been to a strip club. Here I
was, 27 years old, single, and unattached. My friends had been to these
places a couple times, but I never seemed to be around when they went. So
when Lance took it upon himself to "corrupt" me, I went along cheerfully.
(I'm really not as innocent as I pretend, most of the time, but people seem to
enjoy corrupting me...) We weren't dressed well enough for Players, the
high-class topless bar in town, so Lance decided to drive outside the city
limits and hit this totally nude place called the Bunkhouse. It sounded kinda
sleazy to me, but that was the whole point, right?
So we drive out to the middle of BF Nowhere and pull up to this glorified
wooden shack with horses, cowboy boots, and cacti painted on the outside. At
this point, I began to get nervous. My mind filled with visions of emaciated
hags with redneck accents and bad teeth.
Daunted, we press on.
Lance removes a six pack of beer from his trunk. You can't serve liquor in an
all-nude bar, it's BYOB. (A smarter man would have seen this as a danger
signal.) However, since it was Monday, the Bunkhouse was closed. (Evidence
of divine intervention? Too close to call.)
I thought our little excursion would be over at that point, but Lance
suggested that we try this new place called Nibbles down the street. A place,
coincidentally, where my best friend's sister works. She's just a waitress,
but in a town like Lubbock, being within 30 feet of naked flesh is a sin. And
actually accepting money from men who are looking at naked flesh might as well
be prostitution.
I don't know which possibility bothered me more. The thought that I might see
her there, or the thought that she might see me there.
Actually there was one thing that scared me more than either of those
possibilities. On the way over, I told Lance, "If we see my Dad here, pretend
they need you at the office."
- Nibbles -
The outside of Nibbles wasn't quite as dreadful as the Bunkhouse, although the
parking lot was essentially dirt and gravel. Inside, I navigated across the
torn carpet, peering into the smoky depths beyond. The bouncer met as at the
door and put these pathetic little bracelets around our wrists. They were
designed to glow brightly under the ultraviolet lights of the stage area. I
know every club in the world does this, but it seemed childish to me. I felt
like a schoolboy on some bizarre pornographic field trip.
I wasn't thinking very clearly on the way in. I thought the Bunkhouse was the
only all-nude club in the area. I thought Nibbles was just topless. It
didn't take long to figure out I was wrong.
We walked in and sat down right by the stage. I was expecting some casual
nakedness, maybe a couple of poorly-lit breasts. But no. There was some
serious nakedness going on here. It took a while to get used to. Lance
pushed a beer over to me and I took a sip of some thick, bitter ale. I would
have cheerfully traded it for a diet coke, but I was saving my money to tip
the dancers.
We sat there for an hour or so, casually dispensing dollar bills to the
ladies. You couldn't make out faces very well with all the smoke and shifting
light, but I suspect I was the only one looking at faces. All the dancers
were very attractive. I'll confess that my expectations were pretty low
walking in, so I was pleasantly surprised.
During a performance, it's important to develop what I call a "strip club
poker face." It's a kind of disinterested leer, a cross between total boredom
and smoldering lust. It's the face most men use at fitness clubs. I mean,
men know there are beautiful women in tight clothes bending over exercise
equipment in front of them, and the women know they're looking, but neither
side is supposed to acknowledge the other. There's no way I could simulate
this expression; it just looked too stupid to me. I mean, I wasn't going to
drool on the floor and hoot, but I wasn't going to pretend I was watching tv
in my living room, either. The men try to look all cool during the
performance, like women rip off their clothes and gyrate in front of them all
the time. But obviously this doesn't happen to you all the time, or you
wouldn't have paid the $10 cover.
I decided to use my gentle, nonthreatening grin -- the face I reserve for
single women and old people in the hospital. (It's also my default expression
during the first week of a new job.) I was projecting the message, "I'm happy
to be here, but I'm not a pervert." I don't know if it worked or not.
Between dances, I paid attention to the details of my surroundings. The stage
floor was like a dilapidated chess board, scuffed by countless numbers of
women dancing in high heels. That's one thing I couldn't understand. The
dancers I saw were all wearing ridiculous high-heels. Black ones, white ones,
red ones -- even clear ones. I haven't seen that many uncomfortable shoes in
one place since my Uncle's wedding. Why do women do this to their feet? Do
men really find these foot-daggers attractive? I found myself longing for a
girl in tennis shoes or moccasins. Maybe a nice brown hush puppy.
The lighting was bad and oppressive. The UV bulbs in the ceiling made
everything look like a government lab from the X-Files. I kept waiting for a
Gray alien to walk out and ask us if we were enjoying the show.
The whole thing seemed contrived and a little cheap. The disco lights covered
everything in this sickly half-light. I mean, I wasn't expecting the place to
be lit up like an operating room, but a discrete spotlight would have been
nice. (A discrete spotlight? Whatever.)
The worst thing about the stage performances was the DJ. I don't mean to be
cruel, but this guy was barely one step up from K-Mart store announcer. He
used the same phrases over and over again, and he slurred the words together.
He over-emphasized certain words, stringing them out too long and too loud, in
a pathetic attempt to generate enthusiasm.
It was like listening to Rick Dees on ephidrene.
I'm not proud of this, but I've done some time in a DJ booth. I know all
about the misplaced emphasis and false enthusiasm. I was a pathetic failure
as a DJ. My natural speech pattern is a kind of sardonic innocence, poking
fun at the world -- childlike observations cloaked in irony. There was no
irony here. No self-conscious hesitation or "regular guy" chatter. Just this
endless stream of leering hucksterism. I was a pathetic disk jockey, but
verbally pimping dancers at a strip club is definitely the bottom of the DJ
food chain. (Right below that guy who does the commercials for Monster Truck
shows.) However, there would be one significant perk to being the DJ at a
strip club. You get to operate the smoke machine! I've always wanted a job
with a smoke machine.
- What Men Really Want -
Don't get me wrong. The dancers were lovely and talented. Although some were
clearly working harder than others. Marilyn danced up there like she was
earning money to save a dying relative. She wasn't necessarily the prettiest
dancer, but she made up for it with enthusiasm. This girl knew how to work a
crowd.
When I take my next Marketing class, I'm going to write a paper about Total
Quality Stripping.
She took great care with her props and presentation. She wore a tight dress
with big polka dots that would glow under the UV light. But her most
effective tool was the music she picked. She did a medley of 80's hits,
straight out of my tortured childhood. People in my age group are suckers for
80's music. When the DJ launched into "Jesse's Girl," I actually got a little
tear in my eye. This transparent manipulation paid off nicely for her. She
stayed longer than any of the others, and she raked in the money. Lance gave
her a buck for a closer look, and she danced like he was holding a hundred.
Let this be a lesson to women everywhere. It doesn't matter how you look. It
doesn't matter how you dress. It doesn't matter how you walk. It doesn't
matter how you talk. It doesn't matter how young or limber you are. What men
really want is enthusiasm. If you've got that, he'll keep coming back, no
matter how many pimples or pounds you have. But without it, your relationship
is doomed.
- Busted! -
I ran into my friend's sister almost immediately, back at the bar. In all the
years I had known Rusty, I had never said more than 10 words to Casey. James,
Rusty, Scott, Matt, and I would meet over at Rusty's house periodically to
play D&D and play Nintendo, and Casey was usually there. She always had a
wild streak, and when I first heard she was working at a strip club, I was
concerned. Like all good Christian boys, I had heard my share of horror
stories about these places -- all the dancers were drug-addicted white slaves,
all the owners were organized crime figures, etc.
Casey had always been pretty, but the guys assured me she had grown up to be
an absolute knockout, complete with tattoos and piercings and recently-blonded
hair. I was expecting that, but I wasn't expecting her personality to be so
different.
Casey had always seemed a bit tense at home, a bit reserved in the presence of
her brother. She says her brother didn't want her intruding on the gaming
sessions, so I suspect that was most of it.
James and Scott had always been close to Casey, but I never really talked to
her much. So I was unprepared for this bubbly blonde bombshell who knew me by
name. I had known her family for years, and no one in that bunch could be
called bubbly. But Casey seemed really happy. Effortlessly, honestly happy.
I think Rusty could learn some things from his sister. So could I.
I guess it just goes to prove, nobody can be who they really are in front of
their family.
I don't know how much of it was genuine, but her emotion seemed real to me. I
was worried that she might be dancing there. Not so much because I was
concerned for her, but because if she was dancing, I would have to leave.
I've done some crappy things in the past two years, but lusting after my best
friend's sister was not something I wanted on my conscience.
I'll confess, I shifted into "Big Brother" mode the moment I saw Casey. I
conducted a polite interrogation to see if she was dancing, and I asked if she
had ever been uncomfortable or scared working there. She was forthright and
honest, and she made it clear that she would never be comfortable dancing
there. I believed her, and given the intensity of her response, I felt a
little guilty about asking. Rusty is my friend, but his sister's life is none
of my business. For the record, I think Casey is a happy, healthy girl
working in a weird job that pays her a lot of money. Can you blame her? I
can't.
- Very Important Perverts -
I was ready to leave after about an hour and a half. I saw lots of beautiful
women, and I had a good time. But I had to be at work the next day, and the
initial shock wore off quickly. The girls were lovely, but none of them
really knocked me out. (Alas, there were no redheads.)
So I was ready to go. Wanted to come home, write my little journal, and make
it to bed about 1am. But Lance was in no hurry. He kept telling me to sit
down and relax. Truthfully, I was getting bored.
That hideous DJ kept harping about the "VIP Cigar Bar" where the dancers would
come to "hang out" and talk to customers after the show. I didn't really care
either way, but I figured if Lance was determined to stay, I might as well
wait it out in style. So we paid 20 bucks for access to this upstairs "loft"
space overlooking the stage. I immediately felt ripped off. Just a couple
fat, drunk white guys with one dancer performing for them.
The torn leather couches were more comfortable than the chairs by the stage,
but you would need a telescope to see the dancers from up there. I don't
drink or smoke, so I just sat there with that simulated grin on my face while
Lance lit up a cigar and knocked back another beer.
It occurred to me that this was becoming a pattern for me -- doing things
sober that most men only do when they're drunk. If I had been drunk, I would
have been able to overlook all the little details I'm revealing to you now.
I'm sure with a few beers in me, my visit to the strip bar would have been a
magical, tender experience, filled with whispered promises and come-hither
looks.
Instead, I went through the whole thing stone sober, peering carefully to try
and find the cables and plaster that held up the set. I got a good journal
entry (I almost said "column.") out of the deal, but I suspect that sometimes
it's best to just let it go and ignore the man behind the curtain.
I felt like the geeky bastard in the front row at a Star Trek movie, pointing
out errors in the special effects.
I've never been able to "just let go" at any other time in my life, why should
this be any different?
Fortunately, the highlight of my evening was yet to come. Two of the other
dancers joined us upstairs, and things got a bit more interesting. Their
names were Ashton and Scarlett. (Yeah, I know. Their real names were
probably Ernestine and Beatrice, but I don't think a guy who calls himself
Jaffo should throw stones.) Ashton was a lovely pale blonde with a quirky
sense of humor and Scarlett was a perky brunette with a mischievous attitude.
(Scarlett also had a couple shots of tequila in her. It seemed to help.) You
could tell Ashton had been doing this for a while. She knew how to work the
customers and she seemed to really enjoy talking to us. At that point, I was
just glad to have somebody to talk to. The hardest thing about the
conversation was trying to think up questions nobody had asked her before.
I was determined not to repeat any of the stupid cliches, so I asked her,
"What's the weirdest thing you ever saw a customer do?"
Remember, my primary goal for the evening was not to look like a fool. I
figured the best way to avoid embarrassment was to shift the conversation to
people who were even more pathetic than me. That way, even if I said
something stupid, I would still look good by comparison. It seemed to work.
After a short period of strained conversation, she asked if we wanted a lap
dance. She even offered us a double. Apparently, Ashton and Scarlett work
together frequently.
I was running low on cash at that point, so Lance paid for half of it and I
got to enjoy a dance from two women at once. I was skeptical about the price,
but they had a whole routine worked up, and they seemed comfortable working
together. Like I said, Ashton knew how to work the customers.
I suspect that's as close as I will ever get to two simultaneously naked
women.
We stayed up there a while longer and I figured my evening was over. We were
running low on cash and I had already seen more naked flesh in one day than I
had seen in the previous 27 years. I was glad Lance had talked me into the
"VIP Lounge," but it was getting late, and I was ready to go home.
But we weren't leaving as long as Lance had cash and beer left.
I just kicked back and watched the girls dance for other fat morons in the
lounge. Later, Marilyn came up to talk to us. I got a chance to compliment
her music and presentation. She said the other girls made fun of her music.
I assured her that the customers were pleased.
I can see the patterns forming already. The Boomers have been trained to
automatically buy anything that uses John Lennon or the Rolling Stones as
background music, and in 10 years, I'll be buying all kinds of crappy products
because the commercials used Van Halen and Rick Springfield. I'll be no
better than my parents -- a slave to my demographic. Just one refrain of
"Jesse's Girl" and I'm lost in a high school flashback, wondering what
happened to Margo and that cute girl who ran the school paper.
I'm too young to be lamenting my lost youth, so I'll stop whining now.
- Advice for Younger Men -
Here's a few tidbits of wisdom for those of you who haven't been to a strip
bar yet. This is what I wish people had told me before I went.
First, be a good customer. The dancers don't love you. The dancers don't
hate you. The dancers don't want to be your girlfriend and they don't want to
go home with you. They just want to dance, collect some cash, and go home.
Like anybody else, they want to have a good time at work, but having a good
time is secondary to collecting the cash. Remember, you're only as funny as
the cash in your pocket.
You're not just paying the dancers to get naked for you. You're also paying
them to pretend you're interesting. The same reason you tip a pretty
waitress.
Getting a lap dance is a lot like getting a haircut. Everything will be fine
as long as you don't move. If you have trouble holding still during the
procedure, pretend the women are holding scissors.
Learn the difference between fantasy and reality. The strippers aren't all
money-grubbing dope fiends, and they aren't all soiled doves with hearts of
gold. Either way, it doesn't matter. Just pay your money, enjoy the show,
and get the hell out.
Leave before the glitter wears off. Don't stay too long at a strip club. If
you stay too long, the girls start to get tired and drunk. If you're sober
when you start, you'll get too drunk and they'll have to carry you away. And
if you get drunk too early, you'll sober up if you stay too long. Then you'll
start to notice the tawdry little details I wrote about above. Stay long
enough to pick the prettiest dancer and pay for a lap dance. Then get up and
go home. If some guy with a broom asks you to pick up your feet during a
show, you've stayed too long.
I can't stress this one enough. Going to a strip club is a vacation, not a
lifestyle. A little suspension of disbelief is good. But don't spend too
long in the fantasy. It's good to be funny and sexy and spoiled for a couple
hours, but don't delude yourself. You're not going to take any of these girls
home to meet the family. Seeking emotional satisfaction at a strip club is
like living on Ramen noodles. They'll tide you over for a while, but they're
no substitute for real food. I don't know why so many men develop emotional
attachments to strippers. I suspect this is a carryover from the days when
women only got naked if they loved you.
- Sidney -
I am reminded of a story Rusty told me about a trip to Six Flags. He was
standing in line with a church group when he saw this girl across the park,
standing in another line. She was wearing a little black dress, black
sneakers, and she had a little black bow in her hair.
Rusty said there was no conscious thought involved. As soon as he saw her,
his mind reverted to a primitive, atavistic state and he growled,
"Womaaan...." in a deep caveman voice.
I didn't truly understand that story until last night.
I'll come clean with you. Part of this trip was a philosophical exercise. I'm
a Libertarian. I'm an Atheist. I don't believe sex is evil, and I don't
think there's anything wrong with single men looking at naked women. Hell,
I've even decided prostitution can be healthy, in some circumstances. But
while I have accepted these things intellectually, I hadn't really broken free
of my repressed Christian programming.
I wanted to go to a strip bar so I could challenge some of my inhibitions -- a
rite of passage into manhood, nine years too late.
And there was another reason. The driving force in my life is a quest for
dignity. I fear humiliation more than anything else in this universe. Maybe
even more than death. I place a high value on composure and dignity, and I
try to appear calm and "in control" at all times.
I've been working on this for so long, I can handle almost anything without
losing my cool. I can fall down stairs, smack my head into metal pipes, drop
entire pizzas on the floor, and handle almost any kind of romantic or sexual
faux pas.
Part of this experience was an exercise in deprogramming, and part of it was a
test of my composure. I wanted to see if I could handle my first time in a
strip club without being goofy, awkward, shy, or pathetic.
I consider this trip a success because I was able to keep my cool. In fact, I
got over the initial shock so fast, I was a little disappointed.
After that brutal dance from Ashton and Scarlett, I figured I was home free.
If that couldn't shake me, I figured I was unshakable. Well done! Good
show! Pat on the back! Stiff upper lip! Time to go home!
I took down my guard at that point, so I wasn't ready when Sidney knocked me
on my ass.
* I could have handled the crisp white schoolgirl uniform, tied to expose
her midriff.
* I could have handled the green tweed skirt, riding up over a black
garter.
* I could have handled the lush auburn hair, cascading over her shoulders.
* I could have handled the ring in her bellybutton, glittering like the
star on a Christmas tree.
* I could have handled the sweet young face and big brown eyes.
* I could even handle the little tattoo in the small of her back.
But you put all those things together in one package, and I experience a
reaction very similar to Rusty's caveman reversion, so many years ago. One
look at Sidney and I lost my mind. I laid 20 bucks on that table so fast, I
think it caught fire on the way down.
I'm a pretty tough customer these days. Jaded and a little bitter.
Disillusioned about love and sex and women and just about everything else.
The whole universe is like a pathetic black comedy, laid out for my amusement.
Endless shades of black depression and gray boredom. It's nice to know
there's still something out there that can get my attention and make me take a
second look.
I saw a lot of beautiful women last night, stored up a lot of good memories
and broke down a lot of inhibitions. But I think Sidney's memory will last a
while longer, long after the rest of Monday night has faded away.
Just so you know.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#112 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMI Jaffo/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMI GwD, Inc. All rights reserved. :MONEY SHOTS INC:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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D // | \ 11 11 3 by j3ph D
* || ____ | || | 1 1 333 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 1 3 issue #113 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 111 333 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 09/20/01 w
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erin and i decided that we'd go to see the red sox massacre the rangers on
saturday and this is how the story goes...
first of, i was led into believing that pedro was going to be pitching on
saturday so i was way stoked but then i found differently...in fact, i found
that nomar and manny were not as playing as well...so i put on my red sox hat
(and urged dallas-native cutie erin in the same venture, to no avail)...we
found our places (conveniently on the third base side so red sox fans had
gathered heavily around me and i felt somewhat secure)...our plan was to watch
the game that started at 7:05 and travel back to tyler that night and arrive
in time for a good night sleep before i go into work 9am this morning...
with me?
okay soooooooooooo, the teams went back and forth--a passionate battle--
red sox had to win in order to keep good position in the wild card race and
stay close behind the hated yankees (no offense yankee fans--i can't stand
you)...and no one told me that they shot off superpyrotechnics when the
rangers hit a homerun--MUCH TO MY SURPRISE...first ranger homerun i about
bolted out of my seat and plummeted to the earth below (which was far down
from our seats--bob eucker seats)...salty pretzel, soggy nachos, just me and
my sweet erin and the kid that kept making anti-red sox exclamatories behind
me...i was about to recruit some of the boston fans nearby to join me in going
up and embarrassing this kid in front of his parents, but opted otherwise...
then it comes down to the ninth inning, still with me? (check the box
score for accurate tracking of the game--it really was exciting game)...
the normal length game of nine innings ends in a tie which means: EXTRA
INNINGS...excellent! i'm a bargain shopper and when you pay 8 bucks for
parking and 15 a pop for tickets, extra innings isn't such a bad thing...but,
unfortunately, no one told me (or i didn't get the memo) that the game was
going to last 18 innings! now, for the mathematically imbalanced, that would
be double the length of a normal game...and, well, my mind's telling me that
since i waited until august to catch a red sox game in arlington, even at the
risk of totally turning off my girlfriend, WE'RE STAYING...(all you need to
know here can be obtained from reading the four capitalized words in this
paragraph--i just noticed that).
oops, i'm gonna rewind for a second...rewind to about the fourteenth
inning...as the fans start to flush out, leaving seats closer to the action,
erin and i start to migrate towards homeplate...as we moved to the edge of our
level, aside us sat a crew of about 5 twelve year old girls and they're asking
us if we're there to get on the camera (the jumbotron--the big ol 30 foot
television viewable to everyone in the stadium)...um, yeah, of course we
were...and i don't really remember what the song was, but thanks to the
annoying shrieking of the girls beside erin and i, we caught the attention of
a guy with a camera on the level below...he swings his camera around and zooms
in on the seven of us...and, i don't know what came over me, but i lifted my
shirt to expose my bare hairy belly (which i proudly puffed out) and then i
proceeded to slap my belly while i was broadcasted to the entire stadium via
the jumbotron while erin danced innocently beside me and the girls beside me
didn't notice what i was doing until they looked at the screen and saw my
belly shaking on what was about two and half stories of screen erected high
above the ballpark at arlington...i got a kick out of it, erin didn't...i
apologized and then the girls next to me began snickering about me and my
stunt...i laughed it off...then, one of the girls next to me asked me where i
was from because i looked vaguely familiar (no, she didn't say "vaguely" or
"familiar" but something close to that)...i told her that i moved to tyler
from lubbock and blah, blah, blah...and, then, just a friendly reply to her
inquiry, i asked her where she was from and she said, "er, um, well, we, uh,
live about five hours from here"...obviously, something was up, so i asked her
what town...she said, "uh, well, i don't know" and then she asked her friend,
"what town are we from?" and they began whispering to each other...simple
question for a twelve year old, right? well, apparently this little girl that
was so welcoming and friendly when erin and i first got down there had thought
that i was prying...all the sudden, i turn into that creepy guy that your
parents tell you not to talk to...i know you've seen the afterschool special
i'm talking about...yeah, that was me, the eerie guy with sideburns that goes
around talking to little girls and gets chased off by angry parents...well,
no, obviously i wasn't trying to kidnap these kids, but i tell you: i'm only
24 years old, but i went through a lot of revelations during my visit to the
mirror in the bathroom...i am a little creepy looking...but, no, i wasn't
trying to kidnap the girls...i was so insulted by the assumption that erin and
i moved down a couple of more rows, much to the ease of the girls who thought
they had just escaped the clutches of a serial killer...heh, whatever...at
least their parents taught them well, but man, it wasn't like i was asking for
their address! anyhow, someone console me...
oh yeah, the game!! okay, soooooooooooo, rangers set a record for the
longest game in rangers history last night (timewise) and the red sox lost...
and erin and i never got our question answered: HOW CAN YOU PAY A PLAYER 250
MILLION DOLLARS AND STILL HAVE GAMES GO INTO THE 18TH INNING?...it's the
thousand dollar question and i'm dying to know the answer...
we arrived safely back in tyler at 4:30 in the morning (hey, at least the
traffic wasn't bad!) and i was at work 2 minutes late today at 9:02am...
lovely...
okay, soooooooooo, how was y'all's weekend?
j3ph
(not a kidnapper, just misunderstood)
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#113 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMI j3ph/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMI GwD, Inc. All rights reserved. :MONEY SHOTS INC:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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w _____ ____ 1 1 4 "'Doorman:' A Modern _Crime and w
D // | \ 11 11 44 Punishment_ or Dostoevsky as a Punk" D
* || ____ | || | 1 1 444 by Lobo Licious *
G || || \ / | || | 1 1 4 issue #114 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 111 4 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 09/20/01 w
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
There are many common themes which span the gaps between different forms
of art. These themes resonate throughout the musical, visual (paintings,
sculptures), literary, and cinematic worlds. One theme common to works in
many media is the forms of human suffering. For instance, _Zapata_, a
painting by Jose Clemente Orozco, depicts the suffering of Mexican peasants at
the hands of others in a similar fashion to that portrayed in the works of
Franz Kafka. Likewise, the inception of George Orwell's _Animal Farm_ is much
like Fritz Lang's _Metropolis_, a film depicting the suffering of the working-
class man for the "good" of society. Fyodor Dostoevsky's _Crime and
Punishment_ and Brutal Juice's "Doorman" deal with man's suffering for his
crimes, his final acceptance of guilt, and finally his repentance. _Crime and
Punishment_, first published serially in Russia in 1866, tells the story of a
young man who kills a pawnbroker and over time comes to accept his guilt and
seek absolution. "Doorman," first released on the album _How Tasty Was My
Little Timmy?_ in 1991 (the actual version used in this discussion is from
_mutilation makes identification difficult_, released in 1995 by Interscope
Records), tells the story of a man committing a rape (or another equally
heinous crime) before finally accepting his guilt and repenting. Though they
come from different times and cultures, _Crime and Punishment_ and "Doorman"
convey the same message.
The works are very similar in plot structure. Both works have seven
distinct parts ("Parts I-VI" and "Epilogue" in _Crime and Punishment_; three
verses and three choruses and the spoken interlude in "Doorman"). The first
part of each work deals with the actual crime. The second through sixth parts
of each deal with the criminals' consciences and the attempts of others to
influence them to repent. Both men respond in the same fashion to these
attempts: Raskolnikov asks, "'I must give myself up?'" (361), as the criminal
in "Doorman" asks, "They offer me salvation, but do I really want it?" In the
epilogues of both works, the men finally realize the need for repentance.
Raskolnikov accepts his guilt early in the Epilogue but does not actually
repent until he has an epiphany: "[A]ll at once something seemed to seize
him...at last the moment had come..." (471). He truly feels sorrow for his
heinous act; he becomes a new man and realizes that it is time to move on.
The criminal in "Doorman" repents during its own epilogue; the final chorus in
which the word "Repent" appears thirteen times (three more than in any other
refrain). As the epilogue progresses, the word becomes more intense. At the
end of the song, the "Silence!" the man calls for finally arrives. He
realizes that he truly must repent. The elements relating the gradual
acceptance of crime in both works is also very much the same.
Both works combine varying degrees of intensity during the journey to
repentance. Dostoevsky's novel begins with a single idea: Raskolnikov's plan
for the pawnbroker's murder. The narrative's intensity heightens and reaches
its peak when he actually commits the murder. The intensity of the remainder
of the novel stays constant as friends and acquaintances attempt to persuade
him to admit his guilt. Raskolnikov's conscience makes him ill as he
subconsciously wishes to accept his crime for what it is. The intensity again
flares up as Raskolnikov embraces his guilt and repents. At the close of the
novel, the intensity tapers off and returns to its original level.
"Doorman" begins with a pair of guitars, starting softly. The tempo and
volume increase quickly as bass guitar and drums are added, representing the
actual crime. The tempo remains constant throughout the song's verses. The
criminal's conscience continually warns him to "Repent," even taking the form
of a serpent when he is in a dream-like state. As the song ends, the bass
guitar and drums fade away and only a single guitar remains.
The symbolism in both works is comprised of many common elements. In the
novel, Raskolnikov's name is taken from the Russian "raskol," meaning to split
asunder. His name represents the schism in his mind between knowing what is
right and actually doing it. The Doorman, spoken of in the first verse of the
song, represents a man's allowance of a similar schism to develop in his own
mind. The Doorman clearly has let his guard down and allowed evil into the
criminal's world. Religious symbols abound in _Crime and Punishment_, mainly
in the person of Sonia, the novel's Christ-figure. The prisoners in Siberia
"...even came to her for help in their illnesses" (469). Though Dostoevsky's
work clearly shows his firm belief in Christianity, it also shows his
criticism of that religion. In "Doorman," a traditional Christian story, the
Garden of Eden, is corrupted in a Kafkaesque manner: "The apple in the tree,
it hangs for me to pick / ... / But then the serpent comes, he tells me not to
bother / It doesn't taste the way it looks..." Each work includes both
Christian symbols and other symbols to add to the suffering motifs. The
crimes themselves (and the motivation behind them) are also very similar. The
wrongdoings of the criminals of each work, though different, are similar in
motivation.
Raskolnikov presents the "Superman theory," which states that certain
people are above the law and "seek...the destruction of the present for the
sake of the better" (227), as justification for his crime. He believes
himself to be one of these "Supermen" and he thinks that the murder of the
pawnbroker is justifiable by his own theory: he is somehow better than
others. The criminal in "Doorman" seems to also think of himself as better
than others. The motivation for rape is known often to be lust for power over
another. Before committing the murder, Raskolnikov's conscience shows itself
as he attempts to talk himself out of the murder: "'God, how loathsome it all
is!" (7). His conscience cannot stop him from murdering the old woman and her
sister, but it catches him later and leads to him to repent. The criminal in
"Doorman" also seems to have a conscience about his crime. The warnings of
his conscience echo those voiced by Raskolnikov: "She's not just some piece
of meat / She's a human being, for crying out loud..." Like Raskolnikov,
this man commits his crime in spite of his conscience and eventually is forced
to pay the consequences for his action. The criminal in "Doorman" clearly has
much in common with Raskolnikov.
The moral lesson of Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment is proven to be
applicable to today's society in other works of art, such as Brutal Juice's
"Doorman". Though written more than one hundred years apart, the authors of
each work wish for their respective audiences to understand the same message:
it is only through the acceptance of guilt and repentance that a criminal can
truly be rehabilitated. This message brings together two very different art
forms from different time periods and distinct cultures. Though often
regarded as merely noise (since it was a punk rock band), Brutal Juice is as
artistic in their medium as Dostoevsky is in his. Society's understanding of
the lessons taught by Raskolnikov and his counterpart in "Doorman" is a
pivotal point in the ability of man to continue existing. Dostoevsky seems to
ask, "What is the world coming to?" and, "What can we do about it?" in _Crime
and Punishment_. It is a sad commentary on society that Brutal Juice and
others still ask the same question after so much "progress." It is
notable, though, that Brutal Juice asks the question a little louder than
Dostoevsky did. Heh.
-Works Cited-
Brutal Juice. "Doorman." Perf. Brutal Juice. _mutilation makes
identification difficult_. Interscope, 1995.
Garnett, Constance, trans. _Crime and Punishment_. By Fyodor Dostoevsky.
1866. New York: Bantam, 1981.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#114 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMI Lobo Licious/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMI GwD, Inc. All rights reserved. :MONEY SHOTS INC:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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w _____ ____ 1 1 555 "git'n out" w
D // | \ 11 11 5 by Seth The Man D
* || ____ | || | 1 1 555 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 1 5 issue #115 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 111 555 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 09/20/01 w
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Breed_x n' I went to go see a show tonight. Ended up leaving before the
band started, as they seemed to be some crappy rock band. We wandered around
a bit on the block or so of the Depot. Settled on Frank N' Steins, where we
had bad beer and a bad band. Just your typical local band, playing typical
covers. At one point I was joking around and threatened to throw Breed's ash
tray if they played a Creed song, and then three songs later they played one.
I'm such a wuss. They deserved to have an ash tray thrown at them. The
guitarist really wanted us to stick around, so we did on the condition that
they play no more Creed. I decided that Creed is actually a plot by the devil
to make christianity look bad. Anyway. Music sucked, beer sucked, but there
were tons of hot chicks for which I had no chance with and that Breed had no
real interest in, being happy in his engagement. Here's some nice quotes that
I overheard between band sets:
"I'm not just any minor, I'm a cute minor"
"I'm old, I'm 22"
Ok, so my seeing the silliness of that last quote might seem kind of
hypocritical with my last file about feeling old, but I think I understood the
irony of the statement on a level that this guy that I overheard does not.
Anyway. It was a fun night despite the generic nature of our entertainment.
I'm dj'n tomorrow, and should be free of the playlist, so I'm going to attempt
to do an obscure show. Play some b-side stuff and just stuff that generally
isn't played. It will probably suck.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#115 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMI Seth The Man/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMI GwD, Inc. All rights reserved. :MONEY SHOTS INC:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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_.---[ EPISODE II: The GwD ]---------------------------------------._
/ .----------------------------------------------------------------. \
| | ______ ____________ ___ ________ | |
| | / _____|____ ____| / \ | ____ \ | |
| | ( (___ | | / \ | |____) ) | |
| | \____ \ | | / ^ \ | __ / | |
| |________________) ) | | / /~~~\ \ | | \ \ ___________| |
| __________________/ |__|__/__/ __\__\|__| \______________ |
| ___________ \ / / \ | ____ \ / _____________ |
| | \ \ __ / / \ | |____) ) ( (___ | |
| | \ \ / \ / / ^ \ | __ / \____ \ | |
| | \ ` /\ ' / /~~~\ \ | | \ \ _______) ) | |
| | \__/ \__/__/ \__\|__| \____________/ | |
| | | |
\ `----------------------------------------------------------------' /
`-----------------------------------------[ Special STRIKES BACK ]---'
----- GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime ***** Issue # 116 -----
----- release date: 04-12-02 -----
\____________________________________________________________________________/
/ \
Not so long ago, right here in our scuzz-bucket of a galaxy, three movies
changed the world. Now, the STAR WARS saga is continuing, and we're here to
get our names associated with it in any way we can. That's right, "GwD: The
American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" is continuing in its self-proclaimed
role as THE unOFFICIAL STAR WARS E-ZINE. This here is the second
installment, aptly titled,
"EPISODE II: The GwD STAR WARS Special STRIKES BACK."
The stuff in this file is from a variety of sources, mostly e-mails we've
received on countless occasions. No copyright infringement is intended. We
merely feel that this stuff is worthy of preservation, merely from a novelty
standpoint. Authors are credited where we knew who wrote this stuff. If you
wrote it, or know who did, drop us a line at editor@greeny.org. For
posterity, my friends, we're saving this crap for posterity.
Not that it's all crap...
\____________________________________________________________________________/
/ \
<- CONTENTS ->
I. GENERAL STAR WARS
a. 'The Top 15 "Star Wars" Euphemisms for Masturbation' by Topfive.com
b. 'What is your Star Wars name?'
c. 'Top11 Signs You've Been Waiting in Line Too Long for "Star Wars"
Tix' by Unknown Author (Probably Topfive.com)
II. EPISODE I
a. 'STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT' by Rod Hilton
b. 'Rumination of the Day'
c. 'The Top 14 Signs You're Not Watching the Real "Phantom Menace"'
by Topfive.com
III. ORIGINAL TRILOGY
a. 'Imperial Rhapsody'
b. '21 reasons why Star Wars is better than Titanic'
IV. THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
a. 'Missing Dialogue from THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK'
\____________________________________________________________________________/
/ \
-=> I. GENERAL STAR WARS <=-
---------------------
-> a. 'The Top 15 "Star Wars" Euphemisms for Masturbation' by Topfive.com
15> Shooting Womprats in Beggar's Canyon
14> Grooming the Wookie
13> Making the Kessel Run
12> Polishing Vader's Helmet
11> Evacuating Tatooine
10> Unsheathing the Meatsaber
9> Releasing the Special Edition
8> Jumping to Delight Speed
7> Communicating with Red Leader One
6> Lightsaber Practice with Captain Solo
5> Tinkering With the R2 Unit
4> Manually Targeting the Rebel Base
3> Performing the Jedi Hand Trick
2> Scratching Yoda Behind the Ears
and Topfive.com's Number 1 "Star Wars" Euphemism for Masturbation...
1> Test Firing the Death Star
-----
-> b. 'What is your Star Wars name?' by Unknown Author
To get your Star Wars name, do the following:
1) Start with the 1st 3 letters of your last name
2) Add the first two letters of your first name
3) Add the first two letters of your mother's maiden name
4) Add the first two letters of the city in which you were born
5) Then you are allowed to remove one letter to make it sound cool
-----
-> c. 'Top11 Signs You've Been Waiting in Line Too Long for "Star Wars" Tix
by Unknown Author (Probably Topfive.com)
11> That chick dressed as Princess Leia in front of you now qualifies as your
"longest relationship with a woman."
10> Can't resist to urge to "unsheathe your lightsaber," if you know what I
mean.
9> Bossman Vader told you to take your Jedi powers to the planet of
unemployment.
8> We're bombing who? What the hell is a Kosovo?
7> A fellow fan compliments you on your Chewbacca costume, but you aren't
wearing one.
6> When a reporter asks you why you're obsessing about a movie when there's a
war in Europe, you express full confidence in President Reagan's ability
to handle the to situation.
5> Your Boba Fett lunchbox is worth $.45 more than it was when you got to the
theater.
4> The guy next to you is in line for "Episode II."
3> Obi-Wan's ghost shows up to spritz you with Lysol.
2> The dude in the Wookie suit is starting to look pretty good to you.
and the Number 1 Sign You've Been Waiting in Line Too Long for "Star Wars"
Tickets...
1> Even your most loyal supporters are starting to question your order to
"Just keep bombing Serbia until I get back."
\____________________________________________________________________________/
/ \
-=> II. EPISODE ONE <=-
----------------
-> a. 'STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT' by Rod Hilton
(Here is an abridged script for those people that had trouble following the
plot of the movie.)
FADE IN:
INT. SPACESHIP
LIAM NEESON
It is vitally important we enter trade negotiations with the federation.
EWAN MCGREGOR
I agree. This one planet and how it trades with other planets is certainly an
important enough topic to be the entire plot of a Star Wars film.
INT. SPACESHIP - MAIN DECK
EVIL ALIEN
Werr. What wirr we do now? My evil, obviousry Asian race must prevair. I wirr
not face de Jedi. Send de droid.
INT. SPACESHIP - BACK TO THE JEDI
A droid enters.
LIAM NEESON
I sense a disturbance in the force.
EWAN MCGREGOR
Well, shit.
Suddenly, numerous pieces of CGI enter and begin attacking the Jedi. The Jedi
use the high concentration of midichlorians in their bodies to use the force
to destroy the CGI. They run outside.
EXT. NABOO
They run until they smack into some more CGI.
JAR JAR
Who might you be?
LIAM NEESON
(staring in the general direction of Jar Jar, but not really staring at him)
I am a Jedi. There are bad things coming. Take me to your homeland.
JAR JAR
I see. That is quite interesting. I will guide you to the land from which I
have come.
Suddenly, GEORGE LUCAS realizes the Jar Jar toys aren't selling well enough.
JAR JAR (cont'd)
Oh! Meesa sorry! Meesa ment to saysa: Weesa can go back to Jamaica mon,
okeyday?
EWAN MCGREGOR
(staring at something right above Jar Jar)
Good. Do you have a hotel room for me and Liam? We have..uh..Jedi business to
attend to.
JAR JAR
Weesa can smokesa some ganja, mon.
AUDIENCE
Die. Die, Jar Jar. Nobody likes you.
INT. SPACESHIP - MAIN DECK
The queen appears over some kind of thing which appears to be better in
technology than the kinds of things in the original trilogy.
NATALIE PORTMAN
I am the queen. You've gone too far this time. I will tell the senate and you
will be in a lot of trouble.
EVIL ALIEN
I'm so sorry, Amidala.
NATALIE PORTMAN
No, no, I'm Padme now.
EVIL ALIEN
I thought when in the makeup, you were the queen.
NATALIE PORTMAN
No, I'm whoever is playing the queen at the time. The voice changes don't help
you figure this out.
EVIL ALIEN
Stop trying to confoose me! Droids, capture the queen.. or Padme.. er.. just
capture everyone!
LIAM and EWAN and, fuck, JAR JAR too take NATALIE PORTMAN and other members of
her staff onto a ship and they escape. They go to Tatooine.
INT. TATOOINE - SOME SHOP WHERE JAKE LLOYD IS HELD SLAVE
JAKE LLOYD
Hi there! Golly I'm cute.
NATALIE PORTMAN
You certainly are, little boy.
JAKE LLOYD
I'm the only one disturbed by the fact that I'm gonna bone you in episode two?
LIAM NEESON
Jake, I need you to have a pod race so I can get the parts I need and free
you.
JAKE'S MOM
No, I won't allow him to pod race. He'll get hurt.
(pause)
Ok, I will. Nevermind. Good luck.
They pod race. It looks really COOL.
GEORGE LUCAS
(attempting subtlety)
Oh! Look! There's a video game of this scene... uh.. buy it! Hey, I had to
sacrifice a part of my grand vision for these movies to include a part that
could be turned into a game, so buy it or I'll do it even more in Episode 2.
JAKE wins! He has to leave his mother, which will become very important in the
next movie. He also has to leave his protocol droid, THREEPIO.
AUDIENCE
He built C-3PO? Why wasn't this ever mentioned in the original trilogy?
GEORGE LUCAS
Because I just made it up. Speaking of stuff I'm just making up, how do you
like the midichlorian bullshit I pulled out of my ass?
They all get into their ship and go to Coruscant.
INT. CORUSCANT - JEDI COUNCIL
LIAM NEESON
I want to train this boy.
YODA
Nope. Sorry. Too old the boy is. Clouded his future seems. Vague my worries
are.
LIAM NEESON
Well, he is the chosen one. He will bring balance to the force. I'm training
him.
SAMUEL L. JACKSON
Yoda told you no, muthafucka. What the fuck is wrong with you, bitchass? I'll
fuckin' kill you! I'm gonna be a fuckin bad ass in the next two fuckin movies,
you know. My toy has a fuckin lightsaber.
IAM NEESON
I'm going to go over your head and train him myself, then. So there.
He exits.
INT. GALACTIC SENATE MEETING
IAN MCDIARMID
Damn I'm evil.
Suddenly, we see E.T! This does not make the film HYPER-CUTESEY like Return of
the Jedi, but CLEVER.
EXT. NABOO
NATALIE PORTMAN
I am either the queen or Padme now. Regardless, your cheesy-looking race of
annoying, unrealistic characters need to ally with our badly acting race of
creatures so we can capture this one guy.
BOSS NASS
One guy? The climax of this film revolves entirely around us capturing one,
pretty insignificant guy? Doesn't that make this whole thing kinda pointless?
NATALIE PORTMAN
No more pointless than the fact that this entire film revolves around taxes on
trade and the cutting off of one, pathetic little planet half-filled with
annoying creatures.
They go after the bad guy or whatever. Who cares?
Finally DARTH MAUL shows up for a prolonged fight sequence. Darth wears black
boots, a black cloak, a black shirt, has a red lightsaber, wears red and black
face paint, and has horns. He is EVIL.
Meanwhile, the Naboo people go after this one insignificant guy and we really
don't care.
Meanwhile, the Gungans go against a bunch of droids and we really don't care
except we want the Gungans to die.
Meanwhile, Anakin takes off into space to join the space-battle, which is
mostly over by the time he arrives. We care a little bit.
INT. SOME KIND OF THINGY WITH SOME RED FORCE FIELDS
MAUL, LIAM, and EWAN all have a huge lightsaber battle which has had a lot of
effort put into the choreography and is thousands of times better than any
other lightsaber battle in a Star Wars film.
AUDIENCE
Whoa! This is really cool!
Suddenly, we go back to one of the other three stupid battles going on at the
time. Eventually, we return to the good one.
DARTH MAUL
(menacing as hell)
Grrr.
Eventually, MAUL stabs LIAM, which is very surprising, especially to those of
us who bought the film score which has a song whose title gives away the
ending. He then kicks EWAN into a shaft. EWAN grabs onto something on the side
and holds on for dear life.
EWAN MCGREGOR
Well, you certainly are an experienced fighter and there is little question
you could kick pretty much anyone's ass.
DARTH MAUL (cont'd)
Muahahahaha.
Slowly, EWAN uses the force to grab LIAM'S lightsaber, jump up out of the
shaft, over MAUL, press the button on the saber, and slice MAUL in half while
MAUL stands there like an idiot and does nothing at all. He dies.
EXT. SPACE
JAKE LLOYD
Whoaaaaa! I'm in space! Now this is pod racing! Yipee! Uh oh! Man, I'm so
cute.
JAKE goes into a hangar, where the main reactor for the ship is kept. He
accidentally blows it to SHIT.
JAKE LLOYD (cont'd)
Uh oh! I better leave! Let's leave Artoo!
They exit quickly. The ship explodes, which stops all the droids and just
makes everything great, because it's always enjoyable when a serious conflict
is resolved with a slapstick accident.
EXT. THE STREETS OF NABOO
The Gungans are dancing and such, still alive. A huge party ensues.
AUDIENCE
Wow! Watching this party and all this celebration has convinced me that the
tiny, pathetic problem that has been taken care of is actually really
significant! Hooray!
Suddenly, the AUDIENCE realizes that behind all the mindless celebration and
kiddie cartoon bullshit, what actually happened was the future-emperor has
actually manipulated everything, come into great power, and that one tiny
problem has actually been resolved, but thousands more have been created.
GEORGE LUCAS
Three years, suckers. I'd make them come out sooner, but I work very hard on
my films, as I am an independant filmmaker due to my disgust with Hollywood's
commercialism. Now go buy some Star Wars toys!
THE END
-----
-> b. 'Rumination of the Day' by Unknown Author
If people are worried about the whole Y2K thing, just wait until they try to get
technical support the day "Phantom Menace" opens.
-----
-> c. 'The Top 14 Signs You're Not Watching the Real "Phantom Menace"'
by Topfive.com
14> As if the girl-girl porno action weren't tacky enough, you can actually
see the strings holding up the planets.
13> Somehow, R2-D2 manages to give Darth Maul the finger.
12> Right when Obi-Wan is about to whip out his "lightsaber," the screen goes
blank and you have to put in another 50 cents.
11> Queen Amidala looks suspiciously like one of the Olsen twins.
10> As Leia Orgasma takes off her clothes, you realize you've stumbled into
"The Phantom Moan-fest."
9> The "lightsaber duel" consists of nothing but two guys with Nerf baseball
bats making lightsaber noises with their mouths.
8> None of the previews mentioned the evil Darth Diggler or queen Ches-Ti Ho.
7> The scene of the young Anakin Skywalker straddling his Pod Racer -- arms
outstretched -- shouting, "I'm Lord of the Universe!" is just a tad
derivative.
6> "Help me, Monica... You're my only hope!"
5> Leslie Neilsen as "Dark Mall"?! I don't friggin' think so!
4> Yoda looks awfully pale, and he keeps saying "Taco Bell, yo quiero."
3> "Starring Jerry Mathers as The Menace," just doesn't sound right.
2> Anakin Skywalker is played by a small black child whose only line is
"Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign You're Not
Watching the Real "Phantom Menace"...
1> You're having trouble reading the subtitled translations for Obi "Juan"
Kenobi.
\____________________________________________________________________________/
/ \
-=> III. ORIGINAL TRILOGY <=-
----------------------
-> a. 'Imperial Rhapsody' (sung to Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody")
by Unknown Author
LANDO: This is the good life
This is a fantasy
Working on Bespin
An escape from Reality.
LEIA: Open your eyes
Stand up to these guys and see.
LUKE: I'm just a farmboy, I need some sympathy
Cuz who's my dad, I dunno
Little whine, little moan.
HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really matter, to me
PIETT: Vader just killed a man.
Raised an arm up in the air
Now his life is no longer there.
Vader, we had just begun,
And now I've gone and lost the reb-el scum.
Vader, ooooooo.
Didn't mean to make you mad
If I'm not alive again this time tomorrow,
There'll be a new admiral, as if nothing ever happened.
YODA: Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time.
LUKE: Goodbye everybody, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and learn the Force.
PIETT: Vader, ooooooooo.
I don't want to die
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.
LUKE: I see a little silhouetto of a man
Palpatine, Palpatine, can it be the Emperor?
Thunderbolts and lightning, very very hurting me!
R2-D2, R2-D2,
R2-D2, R2-D2,
R2-D2, Where'd ya go? C-3PO O O O O O OH!
I'm just a farmboy, nobody loves me.
REBELS: He's just a farmboy, with a dead family.
Spare him this life of such mendacity!
HAN: Spice'll come, spice'll go. Jabba let me go.
JABBA: Bo shuda! (NO, we will not let you go)
HAN: Let me go!
JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go)
HAN: Let me go!
JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go)
HAN: LET ME GO!
JABBA: WILL NOT LET YOU GO!
HAN: LET ME GO!
JABBA: WILL NOT LET YOU GO!
HAN: LET ME GO!
JABBA: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
C3PO: Oh R2-D2, R2-D2, R2-D2, Come along.
LEIA: C-3PO has a rebel put aside for meeeee, for meeeeee,
for MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(Stormtroopers start headbanging)
LUKE: So you say you're the dear old dad of mine?
But you cut my hand off and left me to die!
Oh Vader, can't do this to me, Vader.
I know there's some good, I know there's still some good in you.
OBIWAN: May the Force be with you.
Use the Force to see.
May the Force be with you,
May the Force be with you, alwaaaaaaaaaaaaays.
HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really mat-ter,
to meeeeeeee.
-----
-> b. '21 reasons why Star Wars is better than Titanic' by Unknown Author
1. The Titanic is big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.
2. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
3. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose
is just marriage bait.
4. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
5. When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can't say, "Look at the size of that
thing!" and really mean it.
6. It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman
with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.
7. Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters.
Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral.
8. Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.
9. We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his
fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he
strangles people and blows up planets for fun.
10. Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?
11. Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.
12. There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.
13. Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the world?"
14. If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would
use the Force to get the key.
15. "I'd rather be his whore than your wife," just doesn't have the same sting
as "I'd rather kiss a Wookie."
16. Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply
freezes.
17. Han Solo would've steered clear of that damn iceberg!
18. We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could've anticipated, "Luke....I
am your father."
19. Stormtroopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters; everyone in
Titanic was a stupid minor character.
20. When Star Wars was proclaimed coolest movie of all time by half of planet
Earth, George Lucas did not make a dork of himself at the Oscars.
21. Titanic morals:
a. gamble,
b. cheat on your husband,
c. pose nude for pictures,
d. premarital sex is OK if you're infatuated.
Star Wars morals:
a. fight evil,
b. do good,
c. respect all life even if it's ugly and slithers,
d. rescue princess,
e. save planet.
\____________________________________________________________________________/
/ \
-=> IV. THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK <=-
----------------------------
-> a. 'Missing Dialogue from THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK' by Unknown Author
Vader Strikes Back
There's going to be an extra scene included in the DVD release of EMPIRE
STRIKES BACK coming up next year! Basically, it expands on the scene where
Vader reveals his fatherhood to Luke, and ties up some loose ends created with
the release of Episode 1...
The Empire Strikes Back: Extra-Special Edition
INT: BESPIN GANTRY - MOMENTS LATER:
A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER
towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand!
It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks
around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.
Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No... I am your father!
Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.
Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true...
Luke: NO!
Darth Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? You know that brass
droid of yours?
Luke: Threepio?
Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old...
Luke: No...
Darth Vader: Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at yourself, no
hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the
swamp.
Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!
Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a
Trade Federation Droid Control ship!
Luke: Well, it's not my fault...
Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me what I
wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of
the Sith... waahhh wahhh!"
Luke: Shut up...
Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was you're age, I had
exterminated the Jedi knights!
Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon.
Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the
Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right
here baby!
Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.
Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose you are,
but you sure ain't mine...
Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.
Darth Vader looks after him.
Darth Vader: Get a haircut!
\____________________________________________________________________________/
/ \
(NOTE: STAR WARS and related terms are registered trademarks of
Lucasfilm Ltd.
If you don't know what we mean by "related terms," you are a deprived
soul who should kindly fuck off.
Oh yeah, and all registered trademarks are used without permission,
but since this is a free e-zine, it wouldn't really be worthwhile to
sue us, would it?
So there. SO THERE. CHACH.)
\____________________________________________________________________________/
/ \
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#116 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
distributed MMII GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMII Original Authors-no infringement intended :GLORIOUS TA-TAS:
presented by The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
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w _____ ____ 1 1 777 "The History of the Future" w
D // | \ 11 11 7 by The BMC D
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First there was now, and then -
First there was now and then there was -
First there was -
Now, then there-
First -
There -
Was -
Now -
Then -
Now -
First -
Was -
First there was now and then there was then, which is now now (now is
now then).
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#117 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMII The BMC/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved. :GLORIOUS TA-TAS:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
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Ok all you green bleeders, just hang on a sec.
Seth is saying he feels older. Licious is talking about quality. Jaffo went
to a nudie bar and good ol fastjack (whom I thought dead for a time) shows his
pride and loyalty.
So what the hell?
Yeah, its an age thing, for the most part. It's a category more specifically.
From early teens you want to hit 18 so bad it hurts. Then there's the magical
21 and you turn into a booze-hound for a time. Then you hit 25, and your
insurance drops in price (see, they think you're getting wiser with age).
Then you creep up on 30 - the end of life as you know it.
But its not. I call it "the great revelation".
This is where you take your life into account, and you see where it is, where
you are heading, and where you ultimately want to be while still clinging onto
the youthful activities of yesterday only now it starts to hurt a little more.
30 is your wake up call - you take a step back, and you see how your character
has developed through interaction with trials and tribulations (and of course
you have to use the word 'smarmy' at least 4 times a week).
So what the hell?
I took 2 weeks off of work to get away for a while (and apply elsewhere -
anywhere - dear god give me another job). And I went to a friend's house and
we proceed to get 'tore-down.' Well, this little FUCK-WIT pulls up on a brand
new Harley-Davidson Nightrain; it seems daddy has purchased his college boy a
gift.
And I hated him from the jump.
Now, there are not many people on this rock called earth that love the symbol
and shield more than I; in fact, I'd say I'm in the top 10. So, shitbird
starts bitching about the bike after I compliment it.
"Well, it just runs out of gas unexpectedly."
Ok NIMROD!!!! Theres a reserve tank on the bike for just such an event!!!!!!
Did you read the owners manual??? No. So I proceed to show him the lever to
switch from reserve to primary.
"Oh well, that's cool. This one just seems too loud though."
Start of eye twitch.
"Its got custom Screamin' Eagle pipes man. What did you expect?"
"Well it just doesn't run right."
"Gimme the damn key!"
(I was joking...I'd kick the piss out of someone for that little statement.)
So he hands it over and must have noticed my eyes widen: "You know how to
ride right?"
Brian just laughed at him.
In that brief instant I knew what it was - there was an itch in my spirit that
wanted me to throttle this little fuck. But I got a little gray on the muzzle
now, so I just look at the opportunity to ride a Nightrain.
I took it around and up and down the block for a while. It had a carb kit on
it too, I noticed that pretty quickly.
So I come back and say, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with this ride."
During the ride, the short sleeve crawled up the arm to show the Harley
tattoo.
"Well, of course you'd say that," (nodding to the mark on my arm) and then it
hit.
"Listen you half-a-fag, if you're so ungrateful as to look at this gift as
anything less than a godsend..."
At this point Brian just shoves a beer into my chest and says, "Ok, ok, here,
relax."
So I get off my soap-box and just sit there in disgust.
Earn it. That's all I'm saying.
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This here is a money-making scheme we developed. We hope you enjoy. It'll
work for us, no doubt. If *YOU* try it, though, you might get arrested or
even deported.
Phase I - White Slavery
-----------------------
Kidnap lots and lots of white babies. You might ask, "Why white? Are you
fuckers racist or something?" The answer to this is a resounding "No!"
Why white indeed...
We hear that white children (specifically, very young children, commonly
called 'babies') fetch top dollar as slaves in the Sudan and the Western
Sahara. That's why we want white kids. We'd kidnap other races (y'know,
gooks and punjabs) if we could turn a profit.
Once we have made a significant profit in the white-slave trade, we will sell
our slavery ring to our high school European History teacher, affectionately
known as "Pillows." We will then move on to Phase II.
Phase II - Professional Gamblers
--------------------------------
Using the money we gleaned from selling cute little honkeys into slavery, we
will set ourselves up as professional gamblers. We'll play nickel and quarter
slots, mostly, but we'll dress flashy, hang out with trashy girls, and finagle
our way into comp'ed suites at Las Vegas resorts. We'll be perpetually drunk
(on comp'ed booze), and we'll have the best coke and smack flown in from South
America for us and our trashy girls. We will reside in our comp'ed suites,
winning nickel and quarter jackpots, until Linkin Park comes to Vegas on a
tour.
Phase III - Linkin Park
-----------------------
Yes, Linkin Park. We don't really like Linkin Park, but they're an integral
part of our scheme. Bob and Lobo somewhat resemble (if you squint and it's
really dark outside) the two singers/rappers in this shitty band. Aww yeah.
When they come to Vegas, we'll use our ill-gotten gains to infiltrate the
Linkin Park organization. Right before a show, we'll get those two chaches
really stoned on our South American narcotics and send them to our white-
slavery contacts in the Sudan (even though, we think, one of them may be
chinkish). We will thus take the stage in the guise of Linkin Park. Our
first acts, after miserably sucking at the show that night, will be to fire
the other members of the band and to replace them with Pillows and the Schunk.
Linkin Park will thus be remade in our image, and we will exploit it for our
own financial gain.
Phase IV - Repeat as Needed
---------------------------
Uhh, yeah. The title is self-explanatory.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#119 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMII Bob tMotW & Lobo "Booty" Licious/GwD Pubz /---------------\
copyright (c) MMII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :GLORIOUS TA-TAS:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e
Presents:
"Faith No More: The Real Thing"
The following is a transcriptiom of the lyrics to Faith No More's album:
The Real Thing.
All lyrics by Faith No More. Lyrics copyright (c), 1989 by Big Thrilling
Music/Vomit God Music ASCAP.
FROM OUT OF NOWHERE
Tossed into my mind, stirring the calm
You splash me with beauty and pull me down
Cuz you come from out of nowhere (oh-whoa-oh)
My glance turns to a stare
Obsession rules me-I'm yours from the start
I know you see me-our eyes interlock
Cuz you come from out of nowhere (oh-whoa-oh)
My glance turns to a stare
One minute here and one minute there
Don't know if I'll laugh or cry
One minute here and one minute there
And then you wave goodbye...
Sitting to the bottom, everyday for two
All energy funnels, all becomes you
Cuz you come from out of nowhere (oh-whoa-oh)
My glance turns to a stare
One minute here and one minute there
Don't know if I'll laugh or cry
One minute here and one minute there
And it hurts inside
One minute here and one minute there
And then you wave goodbye
(goodbye)
EPIC
Can you feel it, see it, hear it today?
If you can't then it doesn't matter anyway
You will never understand it cuz it happens to fast
And it feels so good, it's like walking on glass
It's so cool, it's so hip, it's alright
It's so groovy, it's outta sight
You can touch it, smell it, taste it so sweet
But it makes no difference cuz it knocks you off your feet
You want it all but you can't have it
(yeah,yeah,yeah)
It's cryin', bleedin', a'lying on the floor
So you lay down on it and you do it some more
You've got to share it, so you dare it
Then you bear it and you tear it
You want it all but you can't have it
(yeah,yeah,yeah)
It's in your face but you can't grab it
(yeah,yeah,yeah)
It's alive, afraid, a lie, a sin
It's magic, it's tragic, it's a loss, it's a win
It's dark, it's moist, it's a bitter pain
It's sad it happened and it's a shame
You want it all but you can't have it
(yeah,yeah,yeah)
It's in your face but you can't grab it
(yeah,yeah,yeah)
What is it!?!
It's it
What is it?
It's it
What is it?
It's it
What is it?
It's it
(long musical interlude)
What--is--it?!?
It's it
What is it?
It's it
What is it?
It's it
You want it all but you can't have it
(yeah,yeah,yeah)
It's in your face but you can't grab it
(yeah,yeah,yeah)
It's it
What is it?
It's it
What is it?
It's it
What is it?
It's it
(yeah,yeah,yeah)
What is it?
It's it
(above two lines repeat 15 more times)
FALLING TO PIECES
Back and forth, I sway with the wind
Resolution slips away again
Right through my fingers, back into my heart
Where it's out of reach and it's in the dark
Sometimes I think I'm blind
Or I may be just paralyzed
Because the plot thickens everyday
And the pieces of my puzzle keep crumblin' away
But I know, there's a picture beneath
Indecision clouds my vision
No one listens
Because I'm somewhere in between
O' my love and my agony
You see, I'm somewhere in between
My life is falling to pieces
Somebody put me together
Layin' face down on the ground
My fingers in my ears to block the sound
My eyes shut'n tight to avoid the sight
Anticipating the end, losing the will to fight
Droplets of "yes" and "no"
In an ocean of "maybe"
From the bottom, it looks like a steep incline
From the top, another downhill slope o' mine
But I know, the equilibrium's there
Indecision clouds my vision
No one listens
Because I'm somewhere in between
O' my love and my agony
You see I'm somewhere in between
My life is falling to pieces
Somebody put me together
Back and forth I sway with the wind
Resolution slips away again
Right through my fingers, back into my heart
Where it's out of reach and it's in the dark
Sometimes I think I'm blind
Or I may be just paralyzed
Because the plot thickens everyday
And the pieces of my puzzle keep crumblin' away
But I know there's a picture beneath
Indecision clouds my vision
No one listens
Because I'm somewhere in between
O' my love my agony
You see I'm somewhere in between
My life is falling to pieces
Somebody put me together
In between
{(O' my love and my agony
You see I'm somewhere in between
My life is falling to pieces
Somebody put me together) repeated 3 times}
SURPRISE! YOU'RE DEAD!
Surprise! You're dead!
Ha ha ha! Open your eyes
See the world as it used to be when you used to be in it
When you were alive and when you were in love
And when I took it from you!
It's not over yet
You don't remember?
I won't let you forget
The hatred I bestowed
Upon your neck with a fatal blow
From my teeth and my tongue
I've drank and swallowed, but it's just begun
Now you are mine
I'll keep killing you until the end of time
Surprise! You're dead!
Guess what?
It never ends
The pain, the torment and torture, profanity
Nausea, suffering, perversion, calamity
You can't get away
It's not over yet
You don't remember?
I won't let you forget
The hatred I bestowed
Upon your neck with a fatal blow
From my teeth and my tongue
I've drank and swallowed, but it's just begun
Now you are mine
I'll keep killing you until the end of time
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Surprise! You're dead!
Ah ha ha ha ha! Open your eyes
Surprise! You're dead!
Guess what?
It never ends
never ever ends!
ZOMBIE EATERS
You're everything
That's why I cling to you
When I emerge
My thoughts converge to you
To you
The world is so small
Compared to you
And everybody's wrong
Compared to you
To you
I begin to see through your eyes
All the former mysteries are no surprise
So now you listen
Cuz I'm omniscient
Hey look at me lady
Why I'm just a little baby
You're lucky to have me
I'm cute and sweet as candy
As charming as a fable
I'm innocent and disabled
So hug me and kiss me
Then wipe my butt and piss me
I hope you never leave
Cuz who would hear me scream?
Nobody understands
Except the toys in my hands
So now you listen
Cuz I'm omniscient
Hey look at me lady
I'm just a little baby
If I smile, then you smile
Then I'll get mad for awhile
I melt in your mouth
And in your hands whenever I can
But I really do nothing
Except kickin' and fussin'
I like to make a mess
I laugh at your distress
I sit all day in my crib
Absorbing all you give
I'm helpless
I'm flawless
I'm a machine
Give me!
I need my toys
WOW!
Keep me hot
Keep me strong
Keep me ever-everlong
Keep me hot
Keep me strong
Keep me ever-everlong
Keep me hot
Keep me strong
Keep me ever-everlong
Keep me hot
Keep me strong
Keep me ever-everlong
Keep me hot
Keep me strong
Keep me ever-everlong
So now you listen
Cuz I'm omniscient
EDGE OF THE WORLD
(snapping fingers)
Do do do do
Do do do do'n do do
Come here, my love
I'll tell you a secret
Come closer, now
I want you to believe it
I'll tell you all the things
You want to hear
Don't worry baby
There's nothing to fear
Hey, little girl
Would you like some candy?
Look into my eyes
I've seen it all
Hand in hand
Together we fall
We'll sing and dance
And we'll find romance
And we'll stroll to the edge of the world
Come sit right down
Lay your head on my shoulder
It's not the point
That I'm forty years older
You can trust me
I'm no criminal
But I'd kill my mother to be with you be with you be with you be with you
Sing and dance
And we'll find romance
And we'll stroll to the edge of the world
Give me a smile
Let me see those pearlies
I'll do an'thing
For the little girlies
(muffled kissing sound)
(Nah nah nah nah is repeated, and the song fades away)
THE REAL THING
I know the feeling
It is the real thing
The essence of the truth
The perfect moment
That golden moment
I know you feel it too
I know the feeling
It is the real thing
You can't refuse the embrace
No!
It's like the pattern below the skin
You gotta reach out and pull it all in
And you feel like you're too close
But you swallow another dose
The pinnacle of happiness
Filling up your soul
You don't think you can take any more
You never wanna let go
To touch the roots of experience
The most basic ingredients
To see the unseen glitter of life
And feel the dirt, grief, anger and strife
Cherish the certainty of now
It kills you a bit at a time
Cradle the inspiration
It will leave you writhing on the floor
This is so unreal, what I feel
This nourishment, life is bent
Into a shape I can hold
A twist of fate, all my own
Just grit your teeth and make no sound
Take a step away and look around
Just clench your fist and shut your eyes
Look deep inside, hypnotize
The whisper is but a shout
That's what it's all about
Yes, the ecstasy, you can pray
You will never let it slip away
Like the sacred song that someone sings through you
Through you
Like the flesh so warm that the thorn sticks into
Into
Like the dream you know one day will come to life
Life
Try to hold on just a little longer, longer
Stronger, stronger
It's the jewel of victory
The chasm of misery
And once you have bitten the core
You will always know the flavor
The split second of divinity
You drink up the sky
All of heaven is in your arms
You know the reason why
It's right there, all by itself
And what you are, there is nothing else
You're growing a life within a life
The lips of wonder kiss you inside
And when it's over the feeling remains
It all comes down to this
The smoke clears, I see what it is
That made me feel this way
I know the feeling
It is the real thing
The essence of the truth
The perfect moment
That golden moment
I know you feel it too
I know the feeling
It is the real thing
You can't refuse the embrace
This is so unreal, what I feel
Flood, sell your soul, feel the blood
Pump through your veins, can't explain
The element that's everything
Just clench your fist and close your eyes
Look deep inside, hypnotize
Yes the ecstasy, you can pray
You will never let it slip away
Yes the ecstasy, you can pray
You will never let it slip away
You will never let it slip away
You will never let it slip away
Like the echoes of your childhood laughter, ever after
Like the first time love urged you to take its guidance, in silence
Like your heartbeat when you realize you're dying, but you're trying
Like the way you cry for a happy ending
Ending, ending
(above line repeated a few times)
I know the feeling
It is the real thing
(above line repeated a few times, then fades)
UNDERWATER LOVE
Looking down into the water
It's hard to make out your face
If our love is drowning, then why
Do I feel so out of place?
Bubbling up to the surface
Are you getting a breath of fresh air?
Forever longing to make you mine
But I can't escape your stare
Liquid seeps into your lungs
But your eyes look so serene
It's wonderful how the surface ripples
But you're perfect and I cannot breathe
Forever longing to make you mine
But I can't escape your stare
Hold me closer, keep me near
My underwater love
Hold me closer, keep me near
I'll never get enough
Touch me from below
I'll never let you go
Touch me from below
I'll never let you go
Touch me from below
I'll never let you go
But I can't escape
Hold me closer, keep me near
My underwater love
Hold me closer, keep me near
I'll never get enough
Hold me closer, keep me near
My underwater love
Hold me closer, keep me near
I'll never get enough
Touch me from below
I'll never let you go
(above two lines are repeated, and gradually fade)
THE MORNING AFTER
Awakened by the sunlight
Victimized by last night
Memories flashin' through my head
Was I just born or am I dead?
Yesterday's forgotten, the morning after
I can taste you, I can hear your laughter
Fading in the distance
Recollections drifting
Bloodstains on my tattered clothes
Each minute the fear grows
If I could just lay down to rest
I'm tired of searching for myself
If I am dead, why can I feel such love?
If I am dead, why am I dreaming?
If I am dead, where do I go from here?
If I am dead, why does this pain feel so good?
Is this my blood dried upon my face?
Or is it the love of someone else?
It tastes so sweet, just like you used to
So rescue me my love, splice us together
I remember loving you so much
But where are you, and where's your fatal touch?
When I closed my eyes, was it my siesta?
Did I encounter a darkness stronger than sleep?
If I am dead, why can I feel such love?
If I am dead, why am I dreaming?
If I am dead, where do I go from here?
If I am dead, why does this pain feel so good?
I am thirsty for my sleep
There are no answers anyway
There you have it. The first part of the GwD Songbook. How'd you like
it? If enough of you like it, there's more where that came from. If enough
of you don't like it there probably won't be any more lyrics files. I chose
Faith No More because they are an official band, and because they kick ass.
The Real Thing is available on Slash Records, and I strongly suggest that you
all get it.
-Lobo, 11/26/93
GwD Command Centers-
Chaos (806)797-7501
SysOp-Seth the Man (Birthplace of GwD, Mission Control)
Gridpoint node one at 14400bps (806)763-4801; node two at
2400bps (806)763-5072,,22
SysOp-Transderm-Nitro (First Conquest)
Federation Slayers' (806)799-1184
SysOp-Big Red Fed
Starchy White Boy BBS (806)788-1943
SysOp-Zippy (e-mail Zippy for the current NUP)
Light My Fire (806)792-4926
SysOp-Ailanthus
copyright (c),1993 by Lobo
GREENY world Domination Task Force copyright (c),1993 by Lobo
All rights reserved
You Can't Be Something You're Not
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G G
w _____ ____ 1 222 000 "SKLUH, GLUH, GLAAAHHHH!" w
D // | \ 11 2 0 0 by Otis D
* || ____ | || | 1 222 0 0 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 2 0 0 issue #120 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 222 000 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 04/12/02 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Ever wondered what porn stars mean by the sounds they make? Here are some
sexual 'terms' you might find handy:
Approved GwD Terms/Sounds for Fucking
-------------------------------------
"SKLUH" - This is a term for vaginal intercourse. It can be used as a
substitute for moaning/grunting by the male, e.g. "Skluh...skluh...skluh"
(said with each thrust).
"GLUH" - This term denotes oral sex, specifically fellatio. For example, when
the girl is choking down that horsecock, she should make a noise that sounds
like "gluh-gluh-gluuuhhhh."
"GLAAAAHHHHHHHHH" - This, my favorite term, is used for male-on-female anal
sex. This term does not apply to male-male anal sex. Sorry, faggots.
Lesbians, provided they use strap-ons, may use this term at their own risk.
Proper usage is when the girl is taken by surprise. A little bit of the old
unexpected backdoor delivery, if you will. Instead of "Whoops, it slipped,"
one should exclaim "GLLLAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" at the top of his lungs.
-----
The following terms ARE NOT APPROVED for usage by the powers that be in GwD.
***** USE AT YOUR OWN RISK *****
Deuterocanonical Sex Terms
--------------------------
"SKLAAAAHHHHHHH" - This term is similar to "GLAAAAHHHHHHHHH," only instead of
replacing "Whoops, it slipped," it replaces "Whoops, it slipped from your ass
into your mouth."
"BLAAAAHHHHH" - This is the noise you should make when you plant the
proverbial "money shot" (or "chach shot," as the case may be - see Oscar the
Pornographer's treatise on this matter in gwd86.txt) on your partner's face.
"GLIT" - This should be used after "GLAAAAHHHHH," in much the same method as
one would use "SKLUH," only "GLIT" is said with each thrust of one's member
into the anal cavity.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#120 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMII Otis/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :GLORIOUS TA-TAS:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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G G
w _____ ____ 1 222 1 "Mein Jewlatto" w
D // | \ 11 2 11 by Ciacco the Hog and D
* || ____ | || | 1 222 1 Bob the Master of the World *
G || || \ / | || | 1 2 1 issue #121 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 222 111 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 05/17/02 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
"Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made you out of fried chicken."
No, this isn't a Negroni masquerading as a Hebe. It is the song of the
Jewlatto, the spotlight mixed race of the week. For those of you not in the
know, the Jewlatto is the result of a union of the Negrous and Jewish races.
While each race separately has endured derision and racism, the resulting
Jewlatto enjoys only the most advantageous of the traits of the "afro-
mentioned" races. While each race has been considered a regression of
humanity, the Jewlatto is humanity's future. The face of the future sports a
protuberant nose, DSLs (dick-sucking lips), and a "phat afro." Other physical
traits of the Jewlatto include a mighty, athletic build and a fatty-lumpkin
cock. Other than the nose, the Jewlatto possesses predominantly Negrous
bodily characteristics, but this is offset by the mental inheritance from the
Hebrewan parent. The Jewlatto will possess abundant natural intelligence as
well as a "frugal" fiscal policy. Though the Jewlatto keeps a tight grip on
his purse-strings, he will occasionally blow a lot of money souping up his
ride and engaging the services of the "bitches and hoes." The Jewlatto's garb
consists of a FUBU yarmulke and a girthy, diamond-studded Star of David (with
a dollar-sign in the middle of it) on a gold chain. Sometimes amidst the
curls can be found long Orthy locks. The Yid-kid (or "Levite") will be fluent
in both Ebonics and Yiddish. He will listen to Two Live Jews and The Jew and
His Motley Crew. Diet will consist of fried gefilte fish and watermelon,
washed down with some kosher malt liquor. The Jewlatto is in rare form during
the festive time of "Kwanzanakah." The Jewlatto's role models include George
Washington Carverstein, creator of the fried peanut, and Shaniquah Streisand,
the singing sensation. Based on our asinine but rigorous scientific research,
we have found that the Jewlatto is more easily adaptable to the climate of the
21st century than other passe racial mixtures such as the Hispanislopes,
Pollwops, and "A-rabs."
For more fun facts and to sign up to contribute to the Jewlatto Creation Fund,
please visit www.jewlatto.org.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#121 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMII Ciacco & Bob/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :SEND MORE MONEY:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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G G
w _____ ____ 1 222 222 "Geekified Hovel" w
D // | \ 11 2 2 by Seth The Man D
* || ____ | || | 1 222 222 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 2 2 issue #122 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 222 222 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 05/17/02 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
My apartment is a mess.
There really is no question of how much of a geek I am, after one looks at my
apartment. I impress the pizza delivery guys with my geek apartment. The view
from the doorway is of my 19" equipment rack, which houses all my stereo
equipment (Sony dolby/dts receiver, VCR, digital cable box), Chaos (my server,
in it's nifty rackmount matte black case), my old 19" monitor (almost 5 years
and still brilliant. Doesn't pay to skimp on monitors) and my center channel
speaker stacked up high, on top of the rack. My front speakers are positioned
about 4' to either side of the rack, my rear speakers in the ceiling corners
opposite, and my sub just to the right of Entropy (my entertainment computer)
which is to the right of the rack...yea, don't worry, the sub is shielded. Set
above the sub, to the right of the rack is the excellent ChaosLAN sign that
[Hallucination] made from an old satellite dish. Positioned just in front of
the rack and to the left is my nifty forest green leather chair. I love that
chair. My Mom had it redone in dark green just for me. Only problem is, the
guys who re-did it forgot to make the bottom buttons vents, so if you sit down
too hard in it, you'll fire a button off to some random corner of the room. I
have a coat rack behind the chair and a coffee table at the left hand of the
chair, where I set my laptop. Once you've stepped inside the doorway, you'll
see the wires strung all over the place. In true geek-bachelor style, I've
done little to hide the 12 gauge speaker wire and cat-5 cables that run all
over my apartment. Under the turtle art my sister made and gave to me, is my
ugly but surprisingly comfortable and frighteningly seductive pull-out brown
couch. It is just in front of the door now, moved to the wall so I could have
room for the dartboard & cabinet that [Priest] gave me, which is hung on the
wall opposite, at an incorrect height, waiting to be adjusted. Under the dart
board is my daystand, where I keep my cellphone charger (which is my only
phone, I've eliminated the landline), an antique crystal change tray with a
unicorn head carved in it (left to me by my great-grandmother), a rubber hand,
and a beer coozey stuffed with pens and an American flag. To the left of my
daystand, just past my hockey stick, is a shelf-unit thing that houses my
video and DVD collection. On top of that rests my fish, alpha(.7), in a
generally under-filled fish bowl with a black and white plastic
under-water-plant-thing behind the bowl instead of in. On the front wall of
the apartment is a coffee table passed to me from my parents through my
sister, which is stacked with an eclectic collection of items, like a
Spider-man book, and an old surveillance camera electric-taped to a power
transformer, and filled with incense. Speaking of cameras, the old ChaosCAM is
on the other side of the room, still attached to the servo (which allowed
limited movement). The camera still works. I have no clue as to the current
state of the servo. I should get that working again some day. I'll avoid the
kitchen, because aside from the Creede Reperatory Theatre poster behind my
kitchen table, it is most like any other kitchen. The downstairs 1/2 bathroom
has no toilet paper, and the closet under the stairs is half filled with old
computer monitors and an old lamp. The stairs head upstairs to where my full
bath, office and bedroom are. Cat-5 and speaker cable run up the outside of
the stairs to my office, to connect to my Bose bookshelf speakers and ethernet
switch which sit upon my bookshelves, half obscured by all the books that have
no more room inside the bookshelf. These books are composed mostly of Terry
Pratchet and Kurt Vonnegut Jr. The other space in the bookshelf is taken by
the green-monochrome monitors that are connected to the ChaosCam in the den,
and the PorchCam on the porch, whose wire runs from the monitor to my bedroom
window to down under the eaves on my porch. Across from the bookshelf in my
office is my desk, which is an old door placed on two filing cabinets. The
cabinet on the left is a plain old sheetmetal filing cabinet filled with old
floppy disks and various computer accessories. The other filing cabinet is a
pretty hardwood cabinet, and is filled with old financial documents, hardware
and software manuals, and my porn stash. I don't know why I hide porn in my
own apartment, being 23 and living alone, but I do. On my desk is an executive
lamp which is plugged in through an X10 module that responds to a motion
detector in my office. I have a lamp on my fish bowl downstairs which is also
activated by the motion detector, although I don't remember why. Behind the
lamp is a box which originally held candy cigarettes, (apparently used by
Spider-Man) but now contains a plastic figure of Spider-Man. Next to the candy
cigarrette box is a cell-phone/glasses cozy that is green and has a cat
knitted on it. It was made by my friend [Purpldrgn] from New Jersey who I have
not talked to for probably a year. I should really try and call her up again.
On the other end of my desk are my computer monitors. One is just sitting on
the desk, but the other is on an articulated arm that is bolted into the door
(one of the advantages to having a desk surface that was cheap is you can
drill holes in it). In front of the monitors are generally bills, old copies
of past-important documents, old harddrives, old CDRs, and a Far-Side calendar
that is apparently the last of the line in Far-Side off-the-wall calendars.
There is an old phone that my old girlfriend Tracie got for me sometime when I
was 15, so that I would use my phone line for telephone calls instead of my
BBS. It is black and has a 'Sekrut Squirrel' sticker on it. I also generally
set whatever book I am reading at the moment somewhere in this area, for when
I am waiting for my comptuer to do something. The actual computer is now under
my desk, along with my scanner and printer. My bedroom is cluttered. I have a
double-closet that has miscellaneous junk (old paintball equipment, softballs,
yo-yos) in boxes, my collection of computer hardware/software boxes that date
back to '95, all along the floor. On the racks are a few articles of clothes,
mostly jeans that don't fit anymore and shirts that I don't like anymore. The
rest of my clothes are scattered about the floor. These are, for the most
part, clean. I have a bad habit of just dumping my laundry basket out on the
floor after I do laundry so I can haul the next batch of dirty clothes down to
the washer. My dirty clothes are collected in two different boxes in the
corner of the room behind my closet door. Along one wall I have a collection
of isolated socks. And on the front wall, next to the window, my bed sits
under a giant 'Mixed-Up' poster. Hanging from the ceiling in the corner over
my bed is my reading lamp and only light source in the room aside from the
closet light. At the foot of my bed is another sheet-metal filing cabinet
filled with random things like discarded monitor stands and old walkmans. On
top of the cabinet is my alarm clock/radio/phone, from which I use only the
alarm clock. Next to that is the lava lamp my sister gave me for Christmas. It
has blue water and green lava.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#122 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMII Seth The Man/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :SEND MORE MONEY:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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G G
w _____ ____ 1 222 333 "Me and Mongo Jones" w
D // | \ 11 2 3 by Ciacco the Hog, Lobo Licious, and D
* || ____ | || | 1 222 333 Bob the Master of the World *
G || || \ / | || | 1 2 3 issue #123 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 222 333 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 05/17/02 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Have you never heard of Mongo Jones?
Mongo Jones was born in late 1997. His actual birthdate is unknown, as is his
actual place of residence. He is somewhat of a distributed entity. Though
only five years old, he is already 4'11" and encroaching on a deuce and a half
(250 pounds for you stupid fucks). You may say to yourself, "How could this
be? A child of only 5 years weighing so much. Who were the parents? What
the fuck is going on? Child abuse!"
To see who the parents are, perhaps you should look in the mirror while
comparing your once-willowy figure to an old High School yearbook. The
"Freshman 15" inadequately describes the horrors of post-high school obesity.
Yes, my friends, Mongo Jones is YOU. And me. And all the others who have
packed on the pounds since the glory days. While individually, we may call
our fattishness by special names like "Lionel" (Lobo Licious's gut), "Nigel"
(Ciacco the Hog's girth) or "Gaylord" (j3ph's belly), collectively, they are
known as the infamous Mongo Jones. We have found through careful study that,
despite the fact that most of us have graduated from college, Mongo continues
to grow at an exponential rate. By the time we reach 30, Mongo Jones will be
unstoppable. Or we'll all be morbidly obese. Perhaps our high school reunion
will be held at the Fat Farm.
Contributors to Mongo Jones (approximate weight gain - may vary day to day)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ciacco the Hog (25 pounds)
Lobo Licious (30 pounds)
Bob the Master of the World (25 pounds)
Seth The Man (35 to 100 pounds)
Yancey Slide (30 pounds)
Rear Admiral Muldoon... (-10 pounds - How the hell did this happen?)
Sir Flea (40 pounds)
Frank Ferra (50 pounds)
Bruno (2 pounds)
Bill Hooper (5 pounds of pure muscle mass)
Snotty (15 pounds of tits and ass)
MONGO'S TOTAL WEIGHT TO DATE: 247 to 312 pounds
Look around at your friends from High School, and observe the protruding guts.
While you may not have contributed to Mongo Jones, you have most likely
contributed to one of the following entities: Girthy Sam, Tubby Smith, Fatty
Lumpkin, Bulbous Bill, or Hey-Hey-Fat Sarah.
The fattishness must be stopped. Or not.
We'd write more, but Mongo Jones needs to eat.
[The food and alcohol Mongo consumed during the writing of this file were
provided by: Giorgio's, Don Pablo's, Bigham's Smokehouse, the Cellar
Beer-barn, Krispy Kreme, Amante, Taco Bell, Whataburger, One Guy from Italy,
Denny's, more Denny's, IHOP, and numerous other kept in business by Mongo's
insatiable appetite.
No guts were harmed in the making of this file.
Food contributions must be sent to the address below.]
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#123 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMII Mongo Jones/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :SEND MORE MONEY:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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w _____ ____ 1 222 4 "Sex without Strings: A Call for w
D // | \ 11 2 44 Legalized Prostitution" D
* || ____ | || | 1 222 444 by Dr. Dr. Otis *
G || || \ / | || | 1 2 4 issue #124 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 222 4 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 05/17/02 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
One fundamental problem dominates every young man's life: how to maximize sex
with minimal effort. As a nice guy, dating only brings sexual results after
multiple outings and a large sum of cash.
Dinner+movie ($60) x 3 dates = $180. Approximate sexual encounters = 0-1.
Yeah, that's right, paying $180 for one sexual encounter. And that's if
you're lucky, or she's really drunk. Well, and then there's Rohypnol, but
that's another file. Clearly, this is not an efficient means for procuring
sex, but it's all most men know. I would like them to consider the following
alternative:
1 Hour with Prostitute = $50-150
Helpful hints include:
---Claiming to be a virgin, where you might get an extra 30 minutes for free.
Critical factor: sex is guaranteed, not merely a hopeful fantasy.
Consider your first sexual encounter with the average broad: missionary style,
in the dark, under the covers, no money shot, and no cross-dressing. Also the
likelihood of mouth-to-genital contact is minimal, and reciprocation is
expected. The prostitute offers endless possibilities of sexual diversity,
and the likelihood of mouth-to-genital contact is extremely high without need
for reciprocation. Delivery of the money shot is encouraged.
Only known drawbacks: illegality, STDs, social stigma, and social stigmata
(see my upcoming treatise on this topic). All of these can be remedied,
except for the social stigmata, by legalization and government regulation of
the world's oldest profession. The primary reason for continued
criminalization is the perceived breakdown of the nuclear family. One reason
for long-term relationships/marriage is continued access to easily obtainable
coitus. With legalized prostitution, men won't have to put up with women's
bullshit to gratify their urge for spicy asian poontang or to eat EZ-Cheese
off of someone's nipple (Cheese-Boy, I'm talking to you).
To get in on this sweet deal, write your congressman and move to Hawaii.
Isn't that where gay marriage is legal? Shit, those Hawaiians will legalize
anything.
To contribute to this cause, please visit www.EZCheeseonnipple.org or follow
the link from www.jewlatto.org.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#124 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMII Dr. Dr. Otis/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :SEND MORE MONEY:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD

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G G
w _____ ____ 1 222 555 "As You Go" w
D // | \ 11 2 5 by Trish D
* || ____ | || | 1 222 555 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 2 5 issue #125 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 222 555 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 05/17/02 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
As you go into new
places, people, and times
Remember yourself -
a boy who insisted wearing ties in school photos,
who grew into a stubborn black
with long stringy hair
in his face.
And then emerged
a little more wary
but can still play and laugh
with the best of children.
As you go
Remember your friends -
because you were selective
yet open,
choosing those as strange as yourself
with their own beats in their heads
all searching for greener worlds
to dominate.
As you go
Remember your family
who always have your back.
Even when you feel heavy
and can't imagine letting anyone else
carry the weight,
know that you are buoyant
among those who love
your presence in their lives.
As you go
Remember to look back
at those waving good-bye...
[This poem was written by Seth The Man's sister, Trish, and was given to him
as a present when he graduated from college. We here at GwD are all about the
sentimentality.]
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#125 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMII Trish/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :SEND MORE MONEY:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org ** ASMD
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G G
w _____ ____ 1 222 666 "Holly Near v. Melissa Etheridge" w
D // | \ 11 2 6 by Yancey Slide D
* || ____ | || | 1 222 666 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 2 6 6 issue #126 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 222 666 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 06/10/03 w
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
[Uhh, this is a decision written for a Conflicts of Law class. It's
fictional, yo. I think. Fair use, my friends, fair use. Do same-sex couples
who get married have a divorce remedy in a state that doesn't allow gay
marriage? Well, do they?!? Hmm... -Ed.]
I. Procedural History
Plaintiff appellant Near and defendant appellee Etheridge were joined in
marriage in a same-sex union in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts in 2003.
Plaintiff Near brought suit there in 2007, seeking a declaratory judgment that
the marriage was valid outside the Commonwealth. The judgment was granted,
and later affirmed by the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court. The couple
moved to Washington in 2009, where they continue to reside. The parties
separated in 2019, and shortly thereafter Near brought divorce proceedings
against Etheridge, asking for alimony and equitable distribution of property
owned by both parties during the relationship.
The trial court held that the marriage is not valid under Washington law,
and that there is therefore no divorce remedy for same-sex couples in
Washington. Plaintiff Near appeals the trial court's dismissal to this Court.
II. Full Recognition under Full Faith and Credit
Plaintiff Near contends that Article IV of the United States Constitution
compels this Court to recognize their marriage, which is presumptively valid
in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. The traditional conflicts rule that
looks to the law where the marriage was created is called into question by a
federal statute, the Defense of Marriage Act, and Washington's statute
prohibiting recognition of marriages between persons other than a male and a
female. See 28 U.S.C.  1738C; see also Wash. Rev. Code  26.04.020.
The full faith and credit doctrine is necessary under a federal system to
allow sovereign jurisdictions to fully enforce their own laws. Generally, the
acts of a sister state are given their full effect so long as those acts are
valid in the original state. See _In re Marriage of Effert_, 723 P.2d 541,
544 (Wash. Ct. App. 1986). The federal Defense of Marriage Act purports to
create an explicit exemption by allowing the sort of explicit rejection of
foreign same sex marriages in Washington's code. These exceptions seem
grounded in a sentiment opposed to same sex marriages. In the absence of any
other justification for creating an exception to the full faith and credit
requirements of Article IV, the intention seems to be to exempt same sex
marriages from Article IV as repugnant to public policy. Washington law
directs courts to look to "constitutional, statutory, or regulatory
[provisions]" as a source of public policy. _Thompson v. St. Regis Paper
Co._, 685 P.2d 1081, 1089 (Wash. 1984).
If construed as public policy exemptions, then the Washington and federal
statutes must be disregarded by this Court. Courts are not permitted to
perform public policy analyses on the acts of other states. "A court
enforcing the judgment of a sister state does not engage in an inquiry as to
whether the judgment of the sister state contravenes the policy of the
enforcing state." _Washington v. Bush_, 9 P.3d 219, 225 (Wash. Ct. App.
2000). See also _Fauntleroy v. Lum_, 210 U.S. 230 (1908). Although the
Washington law seems to be an explicit statement of public policy, this Court
is prohibited from using it as such in a choice of laws context.
An alternate and equally plausible theoretical underpinning for the
federal and state statutes is a states' rights principle intended to allow
each state to enact and enforce its own regulations of marriage. Article IV
grants Congress the power "by general laws [to] prescribe the manner in which
such acts, records, and proceedings shall be proved, and the effect thereof."
U.S. Const. art. IV,  1, cl. 2. This has been interpreted as giving Congress
the power to enact such legislation as it feels necessary to correct
"confusion or procedural difficulties" proceeding from the operation of the
Full Faith and Credit Clause. _Yarborough v. Yarborough_, 290 U.S. 202, 215
(1933), cited in _Williams v. North Carolina_, 317 U.S. 287 (1942). This is
not, however, the power to completely set aside full faith and credit; some
pretext must exist that outweighs the constitutional directive.
The apparent justification under this theory is the argument that
compelling other states to grant full force to same sex marriages performed in
Massachusetts would effectively prevent those states from enacting less
permissive marriage laws. The state with the most open and unrestricted law
would serve as a gateway to the rest of the country. From the perspective of
states that would otherwise choose to regulate marriage more strictly, the
result would be a "race to the bottom," in which the most accommodating law
would essentially determine the law in every state. Under this theory,
recognizing the Massachusetts marriage would vitiate Washington's freedom to
enact its own law, and this would outweigh the otherwise controlling full
faith and credit provision. Defendant Etheridge's position is that the
federal and state statutes are constitutional because they preserve
Washington's interest in preserving its own sovereignty against a solvent
stream of foreign marriages.
The inherent flaw in this argument is that there is no showing in the
facts of this case that there is a legitimate risk of such a flood of same-sex
marriages. It may be the case that Massachusetts requires a more stringent
residency requirement than the nominal stay Nevada asked of divorce candidates
that so troubled the dissent in _Williams v. North Carolina_. _Williams v.
North Carolina_, 317 U.S. 287 (1942). If so, then it would be inappropriate
to impose a hardship on lawfully married couples out of proportion to the
minimal threat they pose to state sovereignty. In such case, marriages such
as the Near-Etheridge union should be recognized until it can be shown that
Massachusetts or another state is performing such marriages without a
stringent residency requirement, and that its interests in its marriage law
substantially conflict with our own interests in maintaining sovereignty over
our own policies. In that case, it would be unreasonable to empower such a
state to override the laws of this Washington, the majority finding in
_Fauntleroy v. Lum_ notwithstanding. We note that even if Massachusetts
requires couples to be residents for the purposes of marriage, this Court and
this state retain jurisdiction to determine whether that residency is
sufficient to the needs of the interstate system. See _Williams v. North
Carolina_, 325 U.S. 226 (1944).
Until an actual showing can be made that giving full faith and credit to
another state's marriage policy poses a clear and present danger to
Washington's own sovereignty, the federal and state statutes in question are
not sufficiently grounded to allow this Court to undermine Massachusetts law,
which has not been shown to be substantially in conflict with our own. If
there were no further analysis, then we would remand this case to the trial
court with instructions to determine the law of Massachusetts and structure
Washington?s response accordingly. The facts of this case, however, present
additional, dispositive issues that this Court must also address.
III. Judicial Recognition under Full Faith and Credit
Plaintiff Near next argues that the Full Faith and Credit Clause requires
this Court to recognize the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court's declaratory
judgment affirming the validity of the couple's marriage. Generally, Article
IV compels this Court to give full faith and credit to a valid foreign
judgment. "If the foreign court had jurisdiction of the parties and of the
subject matter, and the foreign judgment is therefore valid where it was
rendered, a court of this state must give full faith and credit to the foreign
judgment and regard the issues thereby adjudged to be precluded in a
Washington proceeding." _In re Wagner_, 748 P.2d 639 (Wash. Ct. App. 1987).
See also _Williams v. North Carolina_, 325 U.S. 226 (1944). The fact that the
parties could never obtain such a judgment in this state is irrelevant;
"enforcement of a valid sister state judgment may not be denied, even if the
claim upon which the judgment was based could not have been entertained in a
Washington court." _Lee v. Ferryman_, 945 P.2d 1159, 1163 (Wash. Ct. App.
1997) citing _Roche v. McDonald_, 275 U.S. 449 (1928). The dispositive issue
here, then, is the original validity of the judgment. Defendant Etheridge
must persuade this Court that the Massachusetts ruling is invalid, as this
Court is powerless to disregard a legitimate foreign judgment.
This case is unlike _Williams v. North Carolina II_, which turned on
North Carolina's decision that a Nevada judgment on the domicile of (putative)
Nevada residents was faulty. The Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court's
declaratory judgment presumes to decide not just the law of Massachusetts, but
also the law of all states, through its interpretation of Article IV. While
such an interpretation is not inappropriate for a court asked to render its
opinion on an interstate matter, the practical effect full recognition of that
judgment would have on Washington would be untenable. Recognition of foreign
judgments serves as collateral estoppel when parties seek to re-litigate an
issue in this state. See _Lee v. Ferryman_, 945 P.2d at 1163-64. This is
essentially the goal of plaintiff Near, who wishes this Court to honor
Massachusetts' judgment on the validity of her marriage without re-litigation.
The Massachusetts judgment is not limited to the validity of the
marriage in Massachusetts; it apparently purports to declare the marriage
presumptively valid in all states. While this is an understandable and
natural extension of Massachusetts' domestic policy, full recognition would
prevent Washington courts from addressing the validity of the Etheridge-Near
marriage, despite the compellingly close and significant contacts this state
has with the relationship and its dissolution. "In effect, the Full Faith and
Credit Clause compels an end to litigation" when foreign judgments are given
full recognition, and while the law seems clear on this point, it cannot be
the case that Washington courts are precluded from peering into the validity
of a marriage within their own state for the purposes of regulating its
dissolution. See _Lee v. Ferryman_, 945 P.2d at 1163.
The Massachusetts judgment essentially merely confirmed that
Massachusetts law applied to Massachusetts residents; once the couple became
Washington residents, they became subject to our law and our courts, and not
even the Commonwealth's esteemed judgment can divert our jurisprudence.
Massachusetts' interests are not great enough to preclude Washington from
conducting its own analysis and, if necessary, reaching a different result.
Our own interest in this case, and our contacts with the issue and the
parties, are overwhelming. This Court rejects the plaintiff's arguments on
this point; the Full Faith and Credit Clause does not require Washington
courts to recognize the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court's declaratory
judgment.
IV. Meretricious Relationship
Plaintiff Near next asserts that Washington common law provides a remedy
for these parties even if this Court held their marriage to be invalid in the
state of Washington. We concur. Even if this Court were to rule that the
parties' relationship was not a valid marriage, the equitable property
distribution and alimony remedies sought by plaintiff Near may be available
through the doctrine of meretricious relationships. Although not legal
marriages, this Court has found that "income and property acquired during a
meretricious relationship should be characterized in a similar manner as
income and property acquired during marriage." _Connell v. Francisco_, 898
P.2d 831, 836 (Wash. 1994). There have been no cases in Washington, or indeed
in any state or federal court, deciding whether a meretricious relationship
creates the right to alimony, but it seems doubtful that the property rights
of an explicitly non-marriage relationship would extend to alimony support.
Before the specific remedies available to cohabitants in a meretricious
relationship can be addressed, however, this Court must attempt to determine
whether these parties were, in fact, in such a relationship. This Court in
_Connell v. Francisco_ established a list of relevant factors to such a
determination: "continuous cohabitation, duration of the relationship, purpose
of the relationship, pooling of resources and services for joint projects, and
the intent of the parties." _Connell v. Francisco_, 898 P.2d at 835. Each of
these factors weighs in favor of a finding of a meretricious relationship
between the litigants. Their continuous cohabitation endured for
approximately twenty years, and the fact that the parties held themselves out
for fifteen years as a married couple (and sought the sanction of a high court
to do so) speaks volumes as to the purpose of the relationship and the intent
of the parties. Were this not a same-sex couple, this Court would
characterize their relationship as meretricious without further analysis.
The fact that this is a same-sex relationship cannot be disregarded. The
Washington Second Court of Appeals held in _Vasquez v. Hawthorne_ that
statutory limitations on who may marry "are relevant in determining whether a
relationship is sufficiently 'marital-like' to be meretricious," and that
same-sex couples that cannot marry under Washington law cannot be construed
as having a meretricious relationship. _Vasquez v. Hawthorne_, 994 P.2d 240,
243 (Wash. Ct. App. 2000). We vacated the appellate court's decision on other
grounds without approaching the issue of whether a same sex couple may create
a meretricious relationship.
This Court's failure to approach the issue led to Justice Sanders'
declaration in his concurrence that the majority opinion provided "somewhat
less satisfaction than can be obtained from kissing one's sister." _Vasquez
v. Hawthorne_, 33 P.3d 735, 739 (Wash. 2001). Justice Sanders will be pleased
to know that this Court finds it now necessary to revisit the feasibility of
same sex meretricious relationships. He will be less pleased to find that
this Court cannot concur with the Court of Appeals' _Vasquez_ findings or his
own defense of that ruling. The chief criticism leveled against the judicial
recognition of homosexual meretricious relationships by both the appellate
court and Justice Sanders' concurrence is that such a couple could not marry,
invalidating the "marital-like" standard espoused in _Connell_. _Connell v.
Francisco_, 898 P.2d at 834. This reasoning cannot apply here, for these
parties did marry, albeit not under Washington law.
While such the parties could not have obtained their marriage in this
state, to deny its existence at the time and place of its formation would be
presumptuous. At the time of the ceremony, Massachusetts unquestionably had
the most significant relationship with the parties, and even now, they
maintain an interest in the enforceability and lawful dissolution of the
marriage. There is no theory this Court can posit that would justify ignoring
the six years of marriage within Massachusetts or denying comity to the
Supreme Judicial Court of Massachusetts' declaratory judgment. While there
may be valid legal challenges to the validity of the parties' marriage within
the state of Washington, there is no challenge to its validity in the
Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Incontestably, the parties here before us were
married at one point. Since relationships without a formalized marriage can
fulfill the "marital-like" standard, it would be the height of absurdity for
this Court not to find that a legal marriage, even of foreign provenance, can
do the same.
Justice Sanders will no doubt be disheartened to learn that this Court
will not take a further position on the ability of same sex couples without a
foreign marriage to form a meretricious relationship. In the present case,
however, this Court finds that the parties could, under Washington law, form a
cognizable meretricious relationship. We do not find that the parties did, in
fact, have such a relationship. Such a finding is highly fact dependent, and
should be decided, if necessary, on remand. This Court remanded _Vasquez_ for
trial on similar grounds, holding that "in a situation where the relationship
between the parties is both complicated and contested, the determination of
which equitable theories apply should seldom be decided by the court on
summary judgment." _Vasquez v. Hawthorne_, 33 P.3d at 739. The procedural
history of this case is bereft of a factual analysis of the parties'
relationship; the trial court issued a summary judgment dismissing the
plaintiff's complaint in a fashion that we have expressly held to be
insufficient for finding or denying a meretricious relationship. While it
seems virtually impossible for a factual analysis to determine that such a
relationship did not exist here, given our ruling that it is possible in these
circumstances, a remand on this issue is appropriate. We do not currently so
remand this case, however, as there are dispositive issues yet to be examined.
V. Limited Recognition of Divorce Remedies
The plaintiff argues that Washington law does not preclude recognition of
the marriage for the limited purpose of dissolving it and resolving property
issues between the parties. We again concur. Wash. Rev. Code  26.04.020
stipulates, "a marriage between two persons that is recognized as valid in
another jurisdiction is valid in this state only [when the parties are persons
other than a male and a female]." The statute clearly rejects the recognition
of the validity of extant same sex marriages, but does not deny their very
existence. When the aim of a litigant is to regulate the dissolution of this
marriage, it would be unreasonable to construe this statute such that the
state cannot recognize the fact that a marriage occurred and was treated as
valid by the parties. Such a finding by this Court would severely impair
Massachusetts? power to enforce its own laws, even within its own borders, and
do little to advance Washington's interests.
The Second Restatement of the Conflict of Laws plainly sets out the
fundamental principles when state interests collide. While these principles
are intended to be used in the context of making an informed and reasonable
choice in the application of foreign laws, they are fully applicable here.
Among the central factors that the  6 of the Restatement directs courts to
assess are:
a) The needs of the interstate and international systems,
b) The relevant policies of the forum,
c) The relevant policies of other interested states and their
relative interests,
d) The protection of justified expectations,
e) Certainty, predictability and uniformity of result, and
f) Ease in the determination and application of the law to be
applied.
Each of these factors weighs in favor of recognizing the marriage for the
purposes of dissolving it. The relevant policies of this state and
Massachusetts are simple to assess; Massachusetts clearly intends to enable
same sex couples to wed, while Washington does not wish to validate such
marriages. Washington has no specific rule as to divorce remedies in such
cases, though. Even more significantly, as discussed above, the policy of
meretricious relationships already grants divorce-like remedies to unmarried
parties in Washington, and this avenue is almost certainly open to the
plaintiff. We cannot therefore construe the interests of this state as
weighing heavily against the granting of divorce remedies to these parties.
Massachusetts' interests can be protected by recognizing the marriage for the
purpose of regulating its dissolution without greatly impinging on
Washington's policies. This application of the  6 factors shows that insofar
as there is a conflict between Massachusetts and Washington law, it is a false
conflict. Granting the requested remedies would do little to vitiate the
Washington legislature's intent, while refusing to do so would create
interstate havoc.
The inevitable result of blinding ourselves to the existence of marriages
performed in Massachusetts would be interstate chaos and confusion. Parties
lawfully married in Massachusetts would be unable to dissolve their marriage
elsewhere, resulting in uneven application of property laws on death or
divorce, uncertain legitimacy of children, or even unintentional bigamy.
Justice Douglas? majority opinion in the Williams case called such chaos "part
of the price of our federal system," but we sympathize with Justice Jackson's
dissent: the price is steep and unnecessary. _Williams v. North Carolina_,
325 U.S. 226 (1944). The plaintiff here is asking for very little comity
in order to forestall a great many problems. Granting comity to the
Commonwealth sufficient to recognize the marriage in order to dissolve it
would protect the justified expectations of the parties here, who relied on
the judgment they obtained from the Supreme Judicial Court of Massachusetts.
This will also lead to more certain, predictable, and uniform results in the
arena of divorce judgments. We cannot bring ourselves to deny such comity to
our sister state when their interests do not conflict with our own in the
equitable regulation of this relationship's dissolution.
VI. Conclusion
If the parties had brought suit at any other time, seeking to determine
the validity of their marriage under Washington law, the result might have
been very different. As noted above, it is entirely possible that this Court
would have validated the marriage under the Full Faith and Credit Clause, but
only after a review of the law of Massachusetts as written and as applied.
Similarly, if the plaintiff relied solely on the doctrine of meretricious
relationships, this Court would have reached a different finding; the dispute
would have been remanded to the trial level for an equitable finding as to the
exact nature of their relationship.
As it is, the parties have brought a dispute as to the applicability of
divorce remedies to a marriage that was unquestionably valid in Massachusetts.
Whether it was a lawful marriage as opposed to a meretricious relationship
during the time that the couple resided in Washington is not at issue before
this Court. By construing the controversy before us as a question of the
proper application of divorce remedies to a foreign marriage, rather than as a
dispute over the validity of same sex marriages, this Court can respect the
laws and policies of Washington and interested foreign states as well as
achieve substantive justice for the parties. Accordingly, we find that
Washington law does not preclude recognition of the Massachusetts marriage for
the limited purpose of dissolving the marriage and providing normal divorce
remedies.
This Court vacates the ruling of the trial court and remands this case
for a just and equitable division of property consistent with our findings.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#126 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMII/MMIII Yancey Slide/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMIII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :LIFE KILLS LIFE:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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w _____ ____ 1 222 777 "Post-Lubbock Influenza" w
D // | \ 11 2 7 by Seth The Man D
* || ____ | || | 1 222 7 *
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w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 222 7 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 06/10/03 w
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Sunday, December 1 7:47 PM CDT 2002
Apparently Lubbock carries some kind of disease for those who move away. Every
visit back leaves you with an annoying head cold post-visit. Aside from that,
my thanksgiving was pretty good. Had t-day dinner at my cousins' house, and it
was mighty fine. Went to go see the new James Bond movie with my family. Then
met up with Sir-to-the-Flea for some pool and obscenely large mugs of beer at
Billiards Plus. Found out that [Flea]'s band won the KTXT band off, much
congrats to them, and that mistuh Lobo Licious has gotten engaged, more
congrats to Steev [Licious] and [Elita-1]. Friday I helped daddio put up the
christmas lights, then met up with Ocso [Bob tMotW] for lunch. We had lunch at
his friend Lisa's resteraunt because it was her last day there after 3 and a
half ears, er, years. After lunch [Bob] and I tried to track Steev down at
Hastings, but he was not there, so we just wandered around and re-ordered the
items on the shelves. Then [Flea] called and invited us to come by their band
practice, so we went to [Frank Ferra]'s house to hear them play. They sounded
really good, I was much impressed. After leaving there we went by [Bob]'s
house and played some ping-pong, where [Bob] routed me easily. I love ping-
pong, it is such a great game. After that I headed home to the parents house
and hung out with the 'rents for a bit. From there I caught up with [Flea],
[Frank Ferra] and the band for some post practice beer and food at Crickets.
The guys in the band seem really cool, I hope they do well. I'm sure I'll link
up to some of their stuff once they get some mp3s out. We stumbled over to
Steev's after dinner to hang out a bit with the king chach and his woman in
their new apartment. It was tastefully decorated in horror movie posters. They
are such a pair. We watched Tombstone for the umpteenth time, so [Bob] and
Steev could say 'Law Dog' over and over and I could make a train whistle noise
at inappropriate times. Which we did. After that I went back to the rents' and
crashed. Saturday I struck out after a home made breakfast from the madre and
headed home.
On the way home, I realized I was coming down with a cold. Ugh. So I got home
and went to work on getting something made for the Pot-Lock-Post-Thanksgiving
party that Leia and her roommates were throwing. Just about the time Larry
[Jakyl] and I were ready to go, the sinus headache portion of this lovely cold
decided to clock me. Larry and I discussed it and decided that what I needed
was some Merlot from the wine that Larry had gotten for the party. This, as it
turns out, is not actually a cure for a head cold. The wine ended up zonking
me out for the duration of the party. I spent most of the time alternately
staring at the ceiling and staring at the walls. Which is a shame, because I
had been looking forward to the party all week. Yegh. I did get to see Grand
Master Ratte again and learn some news about the ever elusive BillGibe. The
rest of our conversation seemed to have to do with buying money and making a
fictional blog about celebrity name dropping with illustrations of burning
pets. You're probably thinking that this is some kind of disease and wine
muddled thought nonsense, but since it was the ratte, I'm not so sure.
So we made it home at some point and I nursed on some NyQuil.
- www.chach-house.net/~stm/ -
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#127 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMII/MMIII Seth The Man/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMIII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :LIFE KILLS LIFE:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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w _____ ____ 1 222 888 "Rice-a-Roni PIC Programmer" w
D // | \ 11 2 8 8 by breed_x D
* || ____ | || | 1 222 888 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 2 8 8 issue #128 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 222 888 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 06/10/03 w
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* abstract
* disclaimer
* parts list
* procedure
* results
* FAQ
Abstract
This process details how one can mount a Microchip PIC Programmer in a custom
case. By performing this elaborate "mod", you too can have a super special DIY
box for your el-cheapo PIC programmer. No more loose wires or bare circuit
board sliding all over while you work on your high-tek project! Show your
prowess by building one for yourself!
Disclaimer
This [article] is not directly affiliated with Rice-a-Roni or the Quaker Oats
company. All views expressed here are those of the author and do not
necessarily reflect the views of the Quaker Oats Company. Rice-a-Roni is a
registered trademark of the Quaker Oats company.
Parts List
The following items will be required for those who wish to follow along at
home:
* One P16PRO40 PIC programmer from DonTronics.
* One box of Rice-a-Roni and an appetite
* One SPDT panel mount toggle switch
* 4 PCB standoffs + 8 screws
* Soldering iron and solder
* Exacto knife
* Power drill
* Clear packing tape
* Adhesive backed rubber feet
* Apathy and a generally bad attitude sure help!
Procedures
1. Purchase the very cheap KIT96 programmer kit from Dontronics.
Assemble/solder it yourself or get a parent to help. Stare at the
completed circuit and wonder whether or not you will need those stupid
parts mentioned in the addendum. Wonder why the genius designers put the
power supply and parallel port connectors on opposite sides of the
board.
2. Use the kit for a few years. Regret the purchase. Get pissed because you
should have bought a better programmer -- one that has better support
for hardware in recent versions of MS operating systems. Take extra time
to enjoy the tedium that is connecting and disconnecting the power
supply every time you wish to burn code. Marvel at how easily the bare
board slides around your work surface!
3. Decide to mount the damn programmer in a box.
4. Go to Wacky Willy's in search of a suitable container. Get pissed
because they have nothing suitable. Assume that you can find one at...
5. Radio Shack. Not. Get more pissed because their boxes are horribly
misshapen and insanely overpriced. Scoff at the ridiculous displays of
plastic consumer electronics crap. Go home depressed.
6. Tear apart house looking for suitable container. Find nothing. Decide to
eat some Rice-a-Roni to restore your strength. Any flavor may suffice,
but the author highly recommends "Rice Pilaf". Yum. It should look
something like this:
<http://www.noisybox.net/electronics/ricepic/retailbox.gif>
Cook the rice as directed on the packaging. Eat. Wash down with 8 or 12
beers.
7. Realize later that you were supposed to keep the Rice-a-Roni box. Fish
it out of the trash.
8. Use the exacto knife to cut the box apart. Your goal here is to make the
cardboard rice box about the same size as the PIC programmer. Cut one of
the sides off so that the top is open. Apply generous amounts of clear
packing tape as required for support and that "high-gloss" look.
9. Decide that you need a power switch. Try to find an empty area on the
board where you could mount a switch. Get frustrated because there's
not very much room. Decide to drill in the corner near the DB25
connector. Come dangerously close to severing an important trace. Mount
the switch.
10. Cut one of the traces coming off the power connector in half. Solder a
wire to each side. Solder the other ends of the wires to your newly
mounted switch. Voila! Power switch. Complicated.
11. Use the exacto knife and cut out holes in the cardboard for the DB25 and
power connectors. The holes should be in the correct positions and cut
to the "right" size. Just eyeball it.
12. Mount the PCB standoffs to the underside of the PIC programmer board
PCB. What's that? THE BOARD ONLY HAS 3 HOLES DRILLED? Yup. Again, poor
design. I suppose you get what you paid for. You need 4 holes for
stability...so drill the 4th hole yourself in the far corner. Again,
it's best to come dangerously close to ruining those important, poorly
placed traces. Depending on the size of screws being used, you may need
to tap out the holes to make them bigger (I did).
13. Unscrew the metal shield from the outside of the DB25 connector and
place the board inside the box. Use the exacto knife to poke around and
find the PCB standoffs on from the underside of the cardboard container.
Once you find them, poke the exacto knife through and twist it around to
make a little hole. Use the remaining 4 screws to secure the PCB to the
bottom of the rice box. If your screws are long enough, it's probably a
very good idea here to use some washers (I know from hindsight). After
mounting, screw the metal shield back onto the DB25 connector from the
outside.
14. If you were smart, you have some rubber feet that are taller than the
screws you used in the previous step. If you're like me, however, you'll
soon discover that the screws are taller than the feet...making the feet
useless. If you find yourself in this situation, you can either a) get
shorter screws, b) get taller feet, or c) cuss loudly and decide that
you "don't need those goddamn fucking feet anyway!" (my personal
choice). If desired, push the rubber feet onto the bottom.
15. That's it! Plug it in. Try it out. Enjoy!
Results
Your finished Rice-a-Roni PIC programmer should look something like this:
<http://www.noisybox.net/electronics/ricepic/ricepic01_th.jpg>
<http://www.noisybox.net/electronics/ricepic/ricepic02_th.jpg>
<http://www.noisybox.net/electronics/ricepic/ricepic03_th.jpg>
<http://www.noisybox.net/electronics/ricepic/ricepic04_th.jpg>
Frequently Asked Questions
* Q: Are you affiliated with Rice-a-Roni or The Quaker Oats company?
A: No. There is no direct connection.
* Q: Are you an employee of Dontronics?
A: Ha! No.
* Q: Do you live in San Francisco?
A: Nope. Wrong again!
* Q: This is really stupid...why in the world would I want to do this?
A: Good question! You probably don't want to do this...
* Q: Ok, smart guy, then why did you do it?
A: Because I'm cheap and can't really justify buying a new programmer.
* Q: So I was trying to follow the steps you described here and [cut my
hand with an exacto knife | shocked myself | broke my P16PRO40], what
should I do?
A: Seek immediate medical attention and stop trying to attempt
everything you read about on the 'net.
* Q: Is this a joke?
A: Yes...well, um, no. I actually built this, but I certainly don't
honestly promote it. Maybe I'm the joke...
- www.noisybox.net -
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#128 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMII/MMIII breed_x/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMIII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :LIFE KILLS LIFE:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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w _____ ____ 1 222 999 "Chach Talk: Interview with Stein" w
D // | \ 11 2 9 9 by Elliot Deuce D
* || ____ | || | 1 222 999 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 2 9 issue #129 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 222 999 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 06/10/03 w
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[Some dr00gs have started a company called Chach Inc. Basically, the goal of
Chach Inc. is to hang around and be chaches. Yes indeedy. The following
interview with Stein originally appeared in _Chach Quarterly_ magazine. -Ed.]
11-01-2002
Deuce: Thank you for joining us, Stein. We are always excited here at _Chach
Quarterly_ to have a member of Chach Inc. take time to speak with us.
Stein: ....
Deuce: So if we can get right down to it...what is it you do at Chach Inc.
and how do you feel your work affects those around you?
Stein: Do you watch CNN on TV or read CNN on the web?
Deuce: Well...I mean...sometimes yeah. But getting back --
Stein: CNN had an article about the possibility of genetically altering
onions to "weed out" the enzyme which causes people to cry while cutting
onions.
Deuce: .... I don't think I under--
Stein: See that's your fuckin' problem!! You don't understand. Let me
explain it to you.
Deuce: ?
Stein: What if the reaction that people have from the onion keeps some sort
of balance within nature itself. As if to say we cry because we are sad that
this onion is giving its life, its sense of fullness, in order to please our
hunger. Are we so supreme that we think we can take that one god given right
away from the onion itself?
Why, then, don't we begin to take away other "rights" which the world has
bestowed upon fruits and veggies?
Broccoli - have you ever noticed the funny feeling you get in the roof of your
mouth as it lightly tickles it while you chew? I believe the broccoli does
this as a way to show you appreciation. Broccoli is not a smart plant - it
does not understand that what lies ahead is an extremely painful and
excruciating death in the depths of your acid ridden stomach. The broccoli is
simply happy to have been pulled from the ground. That place where it is
trapped, held still all its life, unable to move. It has chosen you to thank,
and does so by treating your mouth to a gentle massage. What if we took that
away?? The world could end in anarchy. You may not consciously think of that
feeling when it is happening, but your sub-conscience is WELL aware! Mad
Broccoli? MOO!
Peanuts - one cannot express the love and devotion it takes to properly
prepare a peanut to be eaten. The careful plucking from its mother plant, to
transportation to the processing plant. In this plant it is processed, gently
massaged with exotic oils, perfumed with salt, and packaged in a home filled
with other peanuts. The peanut is a community vegetable. It enjoys sharing
its life with others. This is why you see many peanuts in the aptly named
"mixed nuts" packagings. They do not discriminate. The peanut keeps the
peace. It presents a happy medium between many different cultures. Are we to
take this trait away? Are we to go to war with our neighbor? Are we to once
again separate the races simply because they LOOK different? What kind of a
world would we be reverting to? The peanut speaks for world peace!
Celery - this one is a tough one to explain. Celery, while enjoyed worldwide,
emits an odor similar to that of a wet dog when bitten into. Many pay it no
attention because of the sweet reward associated with sinking your teeth into
the wood-like substance, and having no mess left behind. This plant does have
its redeeming values, though. It goes very well with peanut butter, although
much of the work in the relationship is done by the peanut (surprise,
surprise!). Most importantly though, celery provides a strong, sturdy medium
for eating with your hands! You never use silver-ware to eat celery. You use
it AS silverware, but it is edible! This, in many ways, reminds us of our
childhood. Times before we were forced to conform to the ways of society.
Forced to use a method which is much more uncomfortable and time consuming in
most cases. Celery provides a service! As a gentle, but stable, helper.
Should we take this away too? Take away our childhood! Steal that which we
were born into?? What will people do? What will the world become? Celery
promotes youth!
Lettuce - the foundation of that which is known as a modern day salad.
Lettuce not only serves as this foundation, but it aids in other creations
such as hamburgers, pastas, and other great foods that require a base
substance to hold it all together. Lettuce shows us much about the way life
should be in many cases. It provides a crutch for others to lean on, a table
for others to stand on. Should we take this away? Should we change lettuce
forever just because sometimes it doesn't taste good? Take its joy in life
away because sometimes it is a little to hard to chew, or may get stuck in our
teeth? What kind of a world is this that will hurt so many others just to
provide comfort to the few? Lettuce stands for unity! Lettuce stands for
stability!
Down with the Mad Scientists! They are beginning to sink their teeth into our
world. Soon it will be chaos. Soon we may cease to exist! Vote yes for
vegetable rights!
Deuce: Ok. That about does it on this edition of Chach talk. Thank you for
your time and see you next time!
- www.chach-house.net/~bob/ -
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#129 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMII/MMIII Elliot Deuce/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMIII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :LIFE KILLS LIFE:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD

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G G
w _____ ____ 1 333 000 "GwD is..." w
D // | \ 11 3 0 0 by www.googlism.com D
* || ____ | || | 1 333 0 0 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 3 0 0 issue #130 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 333 000 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 06/10/03 w
D D
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
[The following file is the result of a search for "GwD" on www.googlism.com.
The lines marked with asterisks (*) are the ones we feel are the ones that
best describe GwD. - Ed.]
* GwD is
* GwD is a general application to ease collaborative web development for all
types of organizations
GwD is platform
* GwD is a member of the general consulting group
GwD is eigenlijk een webserver op zich
GwD is misschien vader
* GwD is required to test its water on a quarterly basis
* GwD is a single source provider of a full range of wireless data products
and integrated services for software companies
* GwD is an important resting spot for numerous shorebirds including greater
and lesser yellow legs
GwD is on duri
* GwD is talented
* GwD is caused by a roundworm about one meter long that lives under the surface
of the skin
GwD is a further step in expanding the availability of our cdma 1x products
* GwD is in its final phase of completion and will probably be approved by the
european commission and parliament just before summer 2003
* GwD is now almost completely gone from asia
* GwD is currently working on several other projects shown below
* GwD is seen to be the dominant term
***** GwD is number 1
***** GwD is the coolest entity on the planet
GwD is guardedly optimistic
* GwD is several months in the future and nothing can be done to move it to
the left be sure to adequately explain why
* GwD is a web server itself
* GwD is dominant in the
* GwD is your complete internet resource
***** GwD is second to none
* GwD is still around
* GwD is to warm the too cold polar region
* GwD is to warm the "too cold" polar regions
* GwD is shareware software
GwD is responsible for management of fifteen
GwD is another dutch program
GwD is available so that this information can be included at the main gf
website
GwD is available so that this information can be
* GwD is planning to construct the los carneros reservoir to increase its
storage capacity
GwD is managing director of the joint venture
* GwD is currently the second sexiest actor at # 2
***** GwD is looking for a clan to scrim with
GwD is to improve systematic nwp model errors
GwD is proposed at specific stages of
GwD is to effectively isolate the pilot
***** GwD is a paramilitary fanatical political activist group dedicated to
making GREENY, son of the goddess Grene, emperor of the world
* GwD is a new internet based media design and management enterprise setup by
***** GwD is wonderfully evil
GwD is well known from his work on forever knight
* GwD is comprised of all professional individuals and we have a genuine
concern for all our clients
GwD is the #4 clan on gameslave
GwD is sep 2000
* GwD is an indicator of the effectiveness of the drainage canals in
controlling the water table
GwD is one of these o405nh's
* GwD is still under construction
* GwD is intended to hold the company's interest in the candle lake and
colorado diamond projects
* GwD is very much localized in the tropics
GwD is a low
GwD is only a
* GwD is installed in a grounding circuit with a ngr that limits the ground
fault current to 1 ampere
GwD is niet op haar van toepassing omdat ze al voor de invoering daarvan
gevangen zat
GwD is een landelijke wet en staat los van fci bepalingen
* GwD is only available as an *
GwD is a warped version of the wd where the warping
* GwD is also responsible for national policy on zoos
* GwD is applied __
GwD is impaired compared to gwe personnel and due to potentially modifiable
risk factors
* GwD is also missing #3
* GwD is concerned with this item because it was not included on the comb
agenda
* GwD is expected to perform comparable to existing highly tuned
implementations when exploiting a single level of parallelism
* GwD is preferable to use of the ad hoc conformance process
GwD is a specialised liquid for use in glass washing machinery dosed by
automatic equipment
***** GwD is known to be important
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#130 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMIII www.googlism.com /---------------\
distributed MMIII by GwD Publications/GwD, Inc. :LIFE KILLS LIFE:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD

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G G
w _____ ____ 1 333 1 "Lubbock Trip" w
D // | \ 11 3 11 by Seth The Man D
* || ____ | || | 1 333 1 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 3 1 issue #131 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 333 111 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 06/10/03 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Tuesday, October 8 11:22 AM CDT 2002
Ok, I promised some kind of report about my trip to Lubbock, so I'll try and
do so here, before I get completely sidetracked by the new update to the
XMLJourn script, which should come out soon with a bugfix and some new, useful
features. ..
I got into Lubbock around 3:00pm Monday, and nobody was around, so I went and
played some discgolf at the Mackenzie State Park disc golf course . This was a
weird experience, since I was out by myself in my hometown, having just
arrived from the big city, and felt strangely less safe than in Dallas.
Apparently, Lubbock's crime rate is actually higher than that of Dallas.
Creepy. I got over it soon enough and enjoyed a round of disc golf after my
five hour drive.
Tuesday I went out again with Trev [Sir Flea] and got some really good
pictures of us playing and of the course. I also had lunch with [Bob tMotW],
who has a message, apparently, for all you DFW people. I had dinner with my
family and enjoyed a nice home cooked meal. I went and found Trevor at
Crickets where the KTXT peeps were finishing up their staff meeting, and got
roped into helping them hand out fliers after the creed concert. Blech, what
college students will do for beer money! :)
Wednesday I had lunch with Steev [Licious] and John [Hallucination] at One
Guy from Italy, where the guy there still remembers me from High school.
Actually, I didn't eat then because I was still pretty full from a big
breakfast my ma had made for me. After lunch at One Guy's, I met up with [Bob]
at an anti-war rally on the Texas Tech campus, hung out a bit, listened to
some speakers and watched the puppet-show. Then we went and got some lunch at
Georgio's, where they again remembered me from Highschool. Then I spent the
rest of the afternoon getting all of my stuff out of my parent's extra garage
and over to the storage place to allow my father to hang up his dead animals
in the garage without them bleeding all over my couch. I got to see my 19"
rack again. That was nice. Wednesday night I met up with Trev at Bash
Riprock's to see Watermelon Fast Bass perform their duties as host band for
the Travling Zoo open mic night. Trev bought me beer, because I was broke, and
he is a swell fellow.
Thursday I went shopping with my sister. That was a lot of fun because she is
very good at it, while I was having trouble remembering prices from several
stores back, she could recall the prices and the variations in colors and
sizes from store to store, it was uncanny. We had lunch at Saigon Cafe. If you
are in Lubbock, you probably owe it to yourself to stop in and at the least
have an eggroll. I love that place. After lunch I met up with mi madre and got
my toe fixed (finally), so in a few more days I shall be a normal person again
and not have this ridiculous pain in my toe all the time. Thursday night I
had dinner with [Hallucination] and Kelly at their house, and we watched "Big
Lebowski" for the umpteenth time because it is such a great movie. Later I met
up with Oscar, Joel, Trevor and his brother Scott at Billiards Plus and played
some pool.
Friday I got up early to go get my 'wellness' screening done at Lubbock High.
Got some bloodwork done and my flu shot. Then had breakfest with my parents at
the Pancake House, and managed to get on the road at a decent hour.
It was a fun trip, I have so many great friend's and family in Lubbock, but I
still couldn't wait to get back to Dallas. Something about Lubbock just brings
me down, I don't know what it is.
- www.chach-house.net/~stm/ -
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#141 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMII/MMIII Seth The Man/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMIII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :LASERBEAM BOZOS:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD

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G G
w _____ ____ 1 333 222 "Star Wars Part 77" w
D // | \ 11 3 2 by Havoc D
* || ____ | || | 1 333 222 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 3 2 issue #132 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 333 222 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 06/10/03 w
D D
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
[Yet again, fair use and whatnot as far as celebrity names and such are
concerned. Parody, satire, yes indeed.]
-+- "What You Wanted To See" -+-
Submitted for your approval...
This story started because of a familiar burning sensation...not the penis
this time, just anger.
You watched 'Phantom Menace' and were left with an empty feeling, like you had
been ripped off. Later you watched the show 'Survivor' and somehow that same
feeling crept into your soul once more.
So...to fix this, we have a new script, yo! Check it one time.
Setting : the Rockies
Actors / Contestants:
Tribe Name : Chalupa
Samuel L. Jackson (he had to have top billing 'damn right')
Jesus Christ
Penn and Teller
Jenna Jameson
Kurt Warner
Mohatma Ghandi
General George S. Patton
Bill Clinton
Everett (Havoc's old boss)
Tribe Name : Doesn't Matter
3 whiney bitches
1 fairly buff guy...obviously gay
1 disgruntled 'dot com' owner
1 cowboy from North Dakota
1 punk rocker
1 newly divorced couple
Day 4 of Survivor
The day begins as Howard Cosell brings the tribes together to explain the
challenge of the day.
Cosell : Good morning everyone, how did you sleep?
John (the newly ex-husband) : Hell, I couldn't sleep with her for five years,
why should I start now?
Susan : Well, that's pretty obvious with the 6 extra children isn't it?
The couple rages into a fury of insults and cat-calls.
Samuel L. Jackson : "Yo! Chill that bitch out!"
Susan : "Who are you callin a bitch?"
Lightsaber flashes its menacing red glow...
Samuel L Jackson : "Bitch, I'm talking to your ass...now ask me again and see
if I don't kill every motherfucker standin up in here."
Bill Clinton : "Word, G."
Samuel L Jackson : "Don't speak to me motherfucker! I swear to god I'll smoke
your ass!"
Jesus Christ : "You really shouldn't swear."
Everett : "That's right!! To quote from the book of James chapter 5..."
Lightsaber slashes through the air and removes Everett's head.
Samuel L Jackson : "Still think I'm jokin motherfucker? Oh!!! You aint laughin
now are you bitch? Any you other motherfuckers wanna speak to me?"
Suddenly, General George S. Patton leaps through the air trying to grab the
lightsaber away from the Jedi....
Jackson has more than enough time to dodge the would-be hero, and smacks him
across the face.
Jackson looks down at the General and turns off his light saber.
Samuel L Jackson : "All you motherfuckers are crazy!"
He drops the weapon in front of the General.
Samuel L Jackson : "Now, does that me less dangerous, or more dangerous?"
General Patton grabs the weapon and brings it up to defend himself...however
he can't figure out how to turn it on. The Jedi master raises his hand, and
General Patton feels the pressure around his neck increase tremendously...
until finally the General falls to the ground.
Samuel L Jackson: "You motherfuckers don't understand the situation you are
in...Well, let me break it down for your ass. This game is called 'survivor',
and I'm gonna win it and take my ass to the bank. If that means killin all you
bitches, then I'm gonna kill every last one of you motherfuckers...or you can
shut up and stay the fuck out of my way."
Jenna Jameson : "But Jesus can be brought back from the dead."
Jesus Christ : "Bitch, when was the last time you were in church? Now shut the
fuck up up, or I'll let the coon kill your ass!"
Samuel L Jackson : "Coon?? Oh that's right motherfucker...it's on now!"
The lightsaber zips into the waiting hand of the Jedi and comes to life
instantly.
Samuel L Jackson : "We're about to have us one cut savior!"
Jesus picks up a branch from the ground and poses to defend himself.
Kurt Warner : "Fifty bucks on the Jedi."
Jesus Christ : "Oh you ungrateful fuck...see if you get to the superbowl
again!!!"
Mohatma Ghandi : "Everyone please...we must find peace."
Samuel L Jackson : "Fuck you, skinny mother fucker!!"
Bill Clinton moves to the side and puts his arm around Jenna Jameson.
Bill Clinton : "Hehe that's one pissed off Jedi...you ever see a white guy
whip a black guy?"
Jesus Christ : "Ok, fuck the lot of you!!!"
Jesus raises his staff and Bill Clinton falls dead.
Kurt Warner : "Yeah!! Way to go Big J !!"
Jesus Christ : "Oh no...you're fucked Warner!!! Little bitch can't throw a
Goddamn pass to save his...."
At this moment the lightsaber comes sweeping through the middle of Christ's
body, cutting him in half.
Kurt Warner : "YEAH!! You go boy!!!"
Suddenly the lightsaber whips through the air as it is hurled to meet Kurt's
chest burning a hole in the middle of his embroidered number 13.
Samuel L Jackson : "Who's next?? Come on bitches!! Come fuck with me!"
Penn : "Yo...word to your mom, brother."
As Penn is talking to the pissed off black man, Teller walks slowly over to
Kurt Warner's corpse and looks as if he is in mourning over the body. Slowly
he palms the lightsaber and hides it in his coat pocket. Penn pulls his nickel
plated .45 used in his act.
Samuel L Jackson : "Yo bitch, we all know that shit is fake..."
Penn slowly squeezes the trigger and the gun responds with a huge explosion of
force.
The Jedi is thrown backwards to the ground...his arm bleeding.
Samuel L Jackson : "Son of a Bitch!!! That shit hurts motherfucker!!! Oh I'm
gonna get yo ass now...you know the rule...you shot me!"
Jackson stands and waves his hand summoning his lightsaber. Teller comes
flying towards the Jedi, being pulled by his jacket pocket.
Samuel L Jackson : "Oh you thievin mother fucker!!!"
The Jedi turns the lightsaber on from inside the jacket pocket, and slowly the
lifeless body of Teller falls to the ground.
Samuel L Jackson : "Don't eva steal my shit!!!"
Penn : "NOOOO!!!!"
The grief stricken Penn fires his weapon repeatedly at the Jedi, round after
round....The Jedi easily deflecting the bullets with his saber.
The familiar 'click' finally sounded, and Penn knew he had an empty gun in his
hands.
Penn : "Oh well that's just great!"
He hurls his gun at the Jedi.
The gun pauses in mid air and turns on its owner.
Samuel L Jackson : "You just the fool, you done killed these other
motherfuckers for me."
Penn looks slowly around and sees lifeless bodies lying all around him.
Penn : "Oh well that's just perfect! Fuck it...fuck it all!!! Now I can't do
my show in Vegas next week."
Samuel L Jackson : "Vegas? Shit negro, that's all you had to say...Lets go
roll up on some fine honies and get the Jedi groove on..."
Penn : "Aw shit yeah..."
Howard Cosell : "What the fuck just happened here?"
Penn : "Black man won."
Samuel L Jackson : "Word."
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#132 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMI/MMIII Havoc/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMIII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :LASERBEAM BOZOS:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD

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G G
w _____ ____ 1 333 333 "The Dregs of My Poetry" w
D // | \ 11 3 3 by Yancey Slide D
* || ____ | || | 1 333 333 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 3 3 issue #133 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 333 333 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 06/10/03 w
D D
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Sweet
My black-sugar baby in a pretty plastic dress
Hums a bubbly bit for me, a thrill when
I can't find none, in class, at work
Just anytime, my baby is there,
Sweet as ever, to keep me on top.
But when the top stays off, baby gets
Cloying sweet, sticky, nasty, mean, all the
Fun's let out. Baby ain't bubbly, pour her out.
Always another baby; ain't but
Two bits apiece.
(2/11/03)
We grew up in Texas but
when it was time to marry
Kailas came north, to
where she was from
New Hampshire
where it's pretty.
(In Trivandrum,
the city blushes with
saris and songs,
and smiles to see the
easy English name retire
behind the coconut trees
of Thiruvananthapuram)
Two families, two weddings,
Like a brother I'm invited, to India
but I can't go, there's no way
to pay, there's no Atlantic train,
smoky, stuffy, and stuffed-
full of smoking men,
sprouting from windows, like
bald Ben Kingsley
as Gandhi, coming home.
(Kerala blooms, and families,
like flowers, drift down rivers
that are clean like holy things are
to meet the foreign girl, and send
her down the river, to drift,
like flowers until she's clean
like holy things and families are.)
New Hampshire,
A nice day, a nice service
I officiate, as compromise,
not collared priest or
inscrutable ascetic; acceptable
to the families, I walk them through
a nice service, with
flowers and a song.
(Ganesha leers at Vishnu's spear
on brassy gongs that ring
in wedding songs, as her hands
are henna-bound, in nut-brown
whorls that stoop and twist
around her wedding band and
the flowers given to the fire)
In New Hampshire, Christ
is satisfied, his service done;
Ganesha waits his turn
while I sit on the steps
and think of him
and Thiruvananthapuram.
(2/17/03)
Sidling, I slipped in late,
twisted through the angry knees
that stiffened as I snuck a peek
from a far-back seat, too far to see
if you were smiling, and too far for you
to see me if you looked;
I smiled, but didn't stop, I just
kept creeping, closer to the stage,
past any empty seats,
as long as I kept moving, clambering
seeping through the angry knees, I wouldn't
sit and see you not seeing me.
I picked around the ragged line
of laps and furled programs, rolled
like sweaty cigarettes to smolder
in impatient thighs that snapped as
I folded mine, pristine, to prove
that I was there.
I slunk around the jutting, pointing feet
of honest folk, who pointed toes at me but
sucked it in and twisted while I scrabbled,
penitent but unpausing until I was close
and you could have seen me
if you looked.
I hunkered, stretched, and touched the stage,
to moor against the crests of knees and shoals
of hooking ankles, and watched, to see
if you were smiling; when I knew
I cast off, reversed my course,
and climbed back out again.
(02/25/03)
Green dream
A tree buries its head, and roots
its proboscis and ten thousand tongues
into the earth, where it eats, constantly,
and mulls the green dream of swarming,
beetle-bright leaves that frothed on brittle
stick legs and crawled against the wind.
Manic, it will not bear red thoughts of fruit
when the million facets of its one bright eye
have stared into the sun and burned brown
and dropped, like flies, to creep into the dirt
that it chews.
(03/03/03)
Ghazaline
I will spare one eye for you to keep in the light
a gecko that waits and sleeps in the light.
To brew a sweet tea, we'll eat herbs
and pool our sweat to steep in the light.
Purple is a night shade, that ferments
in bars and looks cheap in the light.
A spasm sends your skirts out, to skirl
and stretch out to sweep in the light.
A lozenge pins my teeth to either side,
and spat, dives deep, deep in the light.
The grit in my vein is a platelet, plaintive
it wails for a wound, to weep in the light.
Put your lips to my ear and Call into the night,
"You sot! Open up! Let seep in the light!"
(03/11/03)
1.
My books fold space around themselves
like black-letter black holes; they are
too heavy to bear thinking about.
The train can only bear so much mass,
before it would curl in on itself,
and throw me back to work.
My brother's couch is padded
with stinking cat hair, but warm
and so much like home.
2.
My books smother space and time
and immure me in law, like
black-letter black holes.
My ticket prods the train to climb
and shudder on its tracks, straining
to lull me while it pulls me from the well.
My brother's cats obliterate me
but even their stinking hair
doesn't make it less like home.
3.
My books smother space and time
and immure me in law, like
black-letter black holes.
My ticket prods the train to climb
and shudder on its tracks, straining
to pull me from the well.
My brother's couch is padded
with stinking cat hair, but warm
and so much like home.
(3/18/03)
Fourteenth Edition
Every thing in this room orbits
the black-letter black hole
that buffets me from where it sits
and warps my desk into a bowl.
I teeter on the lip, and feel the prod
of guilty conscience make me roll
faster than I'm inclined to plod
to work when there's a TV set to lull
me with a cheery bright facade.
I'll ward myself against the pull
of all the cases I should be reading
by thinking just how dull
the law can really be, but heeding
inexorable dutiful gravity;
there's no chance of my succeeding
against the terrible depravity
of this textbook's awesome cavity.
(3/18/03)
Law is a gullet
that does not swallow
ever.
(3/19/03)
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#133 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMIII Yancey Slide/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMIII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :LASERBEAM BOZOS:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD

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G G
w _____ ____ 1 333 4 "Remembering Porkins" w
D // | \ 11 3 44 by Ciacco the Hog D
* || ____ | || | 1 333 444 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 3 4 issue #134 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 334 4 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 06/10/03 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
[Fair use. Fair use indeed.]
In 1977, movie audiences were charmed by the lovable Jek Porkins, the
fattest, and consequently shortest lived X-Wing pilot in the Deathstar Battle
in _Star Wars: A New Hope_. For 25 years now, one question has dominated any
Star Wars discussion: Where is Jek Porkins now? I was able to track down
William Hootkins, the man behind the fat, at his LA home. He was gracious
enough to grant me an interview, his first in 25 years. What follows is
probably the most rewarding interview of my career, so sit back with some EZ
Cheese and prepare to relive the magic. (Eating noises and girlish giggles
from when I poked his fat have been edited out of this transcript.)
Ciacco: Mr. Hootkins, thank you for taking time out of your busy day to talk
to me.
Porkins: No problem. Can I offer you something to eat?
Ciacco: No thanks; I ate before the interview
Porkins: Me too. I think I am going to order a pizza.
Ciacco: Mr. Hootkins, can you tell me how you landed the role as Porkins?
Porkins: Well that's a funny story. I wasn't actually at the 20th Century Fox
studios to audition, I just heard that they had hors d'oeuvres.
While I was stuffing my face, a woman came up to me and said, "you
must be here to audition for the fat X-Wing pilot." Then she grabbed
me by the arm as I tried to stuff more tasty treats into my pocket
and led me into a room with George Lucas and a few others. I sat down
in a chair and talked to Lucas about various snack foods for a while.
He was very thin at the time, but now you can see what a 25-year
friendship with me can do. Anyway, he sounded fairly interested in
putting me in the movie, but it wasn't until I was leaving that he
was completely convinced.
Ciacco: What happened?
Porkins: Well, I tried to get out of my chair but I was stuck between the
armrests so I uttered something like "I've got a problem here."
Lucas smiled and the rest is history.
Ciacco: Wow! That's a great story. As a morbidly obese man, did you object
to your character being named Porkins?
Porkins: No, I thought it was great. In fact after the movie, I sent off for a
form to legally change my name to Porkins, but when the form arrived
I was so hungry that I ate it. Anyway, I think it was great being a
role model to fat children everywhere. Star Wars has a great
message: you don't have to be thin or in shape to be in the
military.
Ciacco: A role model? But you were the first to die in the attack, and now
that I think about it, I'm not even really sure how you died. I
mean, it didn't show you getting shot or anything.
Porkins: Nevertheless, it was a great triumph for fat people, and it really
opened up my movie career.
Ciacco: Oh really? What movies have you been in since then?
Porkins: Well none so far, but George is going to start filming Episode 3 in a
few months and I am sure Porkins will be in it.
Ciacco: Uhh. Yeah, I'm sure he will. But even if he is, he would be a boy in
the prequel. You know they take place years before the original
trilogy, right?
Porkins: Hey, I found half a sandwich between the cushions of the couch. It's
a little moldy, but still looks tasty.
Ciacco: Ok...well, I think I am going to go now, thanks for your time and
good luck to you. In your honor I will rename my gut from Nigel to
Porkins.
Porkins: Hey I think the pizza man is at the door, can you let him in as you
leave? I think I am stuck between the armrests of the couch.
Ciacco: sure..
[Yes, we know that Mr. Hootkins has indeed been in other films. Likewise, no
offense was meant to fat people. Ciacco is a big fan and is currently
endeavoring to become one of them. And yes, this is likely one of the most
offensive files GwD has ever released.]
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#134 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMII/MMIII Ciacco the Hog/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMIII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :LASERBEAM BOZOS:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD

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G G
w _____ ____ 1 333 555 "Bribs Plays Billiards" w
D // | \ 11 3 5 by The BMC D
* || ____ | || | 1 333 555 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 3 5 issue #135 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 333 555 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 06/10/03 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
So I'm at this pool hall, right? Right, no doubt about that, and I'm
playing pool. And this old friend of mine comes up and says what's up.
And I'm like you fuckin baby, let's play some game a pool right now. And
he's like yeah.
So we're playing for money and you know I'm cleaning up. I'm slamming
balls in pockets like a teenage jagoff. And I'm like man do you want to
play again? Remember when I armwrassled that big fucking ape and got him
pinned? I couldn't use my arm the whole rest of the day.
Another couple games and I'm 15 bucks up, nice. Don't worry man, I'm
buying drinks. So I'm off to the pisser and while I'm standing there
buddy comes up and pulls this huge boner out of his pants. His bag is
practically dangling into the pisser. And I'm like fuuuuck, dude! And
then buddy tells me he fucked my girlfriend. With that conk, totally
sick!
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#135 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMIII The BMC/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMIII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :LASERBEAM BOZOS:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD

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G G
w _____ ____ 1 333 666 "Duck, Duck, Goose = End of All Things" w
D // | \ 11 3 6 by Aardv@rk D
* || ____ | || | 1 333 666 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 3 6 6 issue #136 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 333 666 with a Twist -- of Lime" ***** 12/31/03 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Duck, Duck, Goose.
You all remember that game, don't you? Everyone sits in a circle, then
someone gets called "Goose."
After that, well, all hell breaks loose...
First, the "Goose" and the other kid run around, trying to tag each other.
But that's just the beginning.
What comes next? Well, first there's the earthquakes. Then the Volcanoes.
The seas boil. The Moon crashes into the Earth. People run around, skin on
fire. Mass hysteria.
All because of a game. A damn kids' game.
Maybe I'm thinking of something else.
Wasn't "Goose" the name of Anthony Edwards's character in _Top Gun_?
Aww, fuck it.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#136 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMIII Aardv@rk/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMIII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :WOOGIE + WOOGIE:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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G G
w _____ ____ 1 333 777 "Thoughts on Nothing" w
D // | \ 11 3 7 by Dr. Dr. Otis D
* || ____ | || | 1 333 7 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 3 7 issue #137 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 333 7 with a Twist -- of Lime" ***** 12/31/03 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
So I was just sitting here, and I realized that I haven't written anything
for this e-rag lately. And it came to me: I have absolutely nothing to say.
Seriously, nothing at all. Why am I writing this, then? To prove that
Licious and the other GwD-types will literally publish anything. Anything at
all. Even this little rant about how I have nothing to say. Sure, lots of
things have happened this year. The U.S. fought (and continues to fight) a
war in Iraq, the reasons for which are debatable at best. The Democratic
candidates for President have fought each other, insulting each other at every
turn. Michael Jackson is in trouble for supposedly molesting a kid. Again.
But I have nothing to talk about. I know that you don't care about my
opinions on any of this stuff; I doubt if you care about my opinions on
anything at all. Oh well, I'm still writing this, and it feels good. A
little TOO good, if you know what I mean. Wait, I don't even know what I
mean. I should probably shut up now, but I don't think I will yet. I've
written some opinionated stuff, haven't I? Also, some stuff that required
research. Today, though, I'm writing about nothing, and you're reading it
(assuming you've read this far). Why are you reading it? Because you have
nothing better to do? Or because you're as bored as I am, writing it? I have
no idea what else to say, yet I keep typing. Typing, typing, typing. One
day, I may say something important. Wouldn't want to miss that, would you?
Yes, I have to PhDs, and I'm working on an MD. Am I smart? Smarter than you,
certainly, but not really smart. I'm just kidding, maybe I'm not smarter than
you. You, I think, would at least think of something to write about. Me, I'm
just sitting here, doing nothing, typing about nothing. Wondering if anyone
ever reads any of the shit I write, either here or in the scholarly journals
in which I publish. I don't know what's going on in the world, not really. I
know a few things I see in the campus newspaper, and I watch a little bit of
the nightly news now and again, but I'm mostly clueless. Yet I have this
forum to write about whatever I want. I also post on the GwD-blog-thing. Two
forums for me to exercise my writing, and I don't know what to say. What
should I write about?
The next thing I write won't suck this much. Or it will suck more. I promise
you that. One or the other, but not both. Because that would make no sense.
Like this weird-ass rant.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#137 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMIII Dr. Dr. Otis/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMIII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :WOOGIE + WOOGIE:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD

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G G
w _____ ____ 1 333 999 "blargle" w
D // | \ 11 3 9 9 by Patriotic Polly D
* || ____ | || | 1 333 999 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 3 9 issue #139 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 333 999 with a Twist -- of Lime" ***** 12/31/03 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
"blargle," it said politely.
i screamed as its fangs tore at my flesh.
"blargle," it said again, between mouthfuls of me-meat.
"what is this thing?" i thought as it took another bite.
"blargle," it said.
"blargle," i said.
and it left me alone.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#139 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMIII Patriotic Polly/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMIII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :WOOGIE + WOOGIE:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD

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Drunk in Mexico, Part 1
by Zippy
My folks have a place at Amistad Acres outside of Del Rio, Texas, near
Lake Amistad Reservoir, which in turn lies half in Texas, and half in Mexico.
For years now, this has been a place of refuge and fun for members of my
family, friends, and myself. Fishing, eating, watching Satellite TV, reading,
and drinking copious amounts of alcohol usually dominate the time spent down
there for those lucky enough to have made the trip.
There is, however, another activity that we males occasionally engage in
that is not nearly as safe as the aforementioned activities. This 'other'
activity involves a short journey across the Border, and into the infamous
Mexican town of Acunia. Excitement awaits those willing to take this journey,
as well as a myriad of temptations that, while seeming like tremendous fun at
the time, will usually leave the unsuspecting with a pounding head, and
reddened eyes the next morning. Hell, even if you DO know what to expect,
chances are you will spend the next morning wishing you were never born, or at
least had enough courage to know when to stop with the consumption of all the
liquors you put in your body the previous evening. Great fun, indeed.
Oh, the pleasures for the senses are great! You may decide to take a meal
at one of the fancy restaurants, or you may just decide to go bar-hopping. And,
for just one dollar, you can have your choice of many of the fine Mexican Beers
available down there- Corona, Tecate, XX, Bohemia, and Superior. Of course, the
tequila flows as freely as the Mississippi as well, and Mexican Bar-tenders
tend not to skimp on the dosage of this deadly libation. Why, just one
Margarita would be enough to make an ordinary person walk crooked.
But the Devil in the Bottle for me is a mind-numbing concoction called
El Presidente Brandy. It's cheap, it's sweet, and makes the tongue long for
more. It also is The Great Evil Giver of Hang-Overs and the Maker of You Doing
Stupid Things. It makes toothless hags appear as Helen of Troy; it makes you
Rich and Powerful; it even makes you speak Spanish FLUENTLY. Never mind the
fact that you won't remember ANY of that the next day!
Of course, none of this matters while you are involved in all this
revelry. From the first-person perspective, it's all just huge amounts of fun.
It never even occurs to you that you are writing the epitaph for multitudes of
brain-calls that will magically disappear as your liver attempts to deal with
the oncoming flood of Cheap Booze.
And, the Mexican Locals are so HELPFUL. They usher you into the various
bars and Hole-in-the-Walls with shouts of "Bienvenidos!" which literally means,
"Welcome!" in Espanol. The Bar-tenders and waiters are ALWAYS more than willing
to come to your aid should you find yourself nearing the bottom of a drink.
Locals are always more than happy to come up to you and indulge you in their
broken English greetings, with offers of free drinks and cigarettes. The fun
continues on and on and on and on and on, because the bars don't shut down
until around four in the morning, or everyone has passed out or gone home.
Once you have had enough of all this revelry and fun, it's time to stagger
out to a waiting cab, and ride back across the bridge so that you can drive
yourself home, with barely the faintest thought of the Hell you will feel in
the morning. And, feel like hell, you most certainly will, but if you are lucky
enough to not get the bed-spins, you will glide off to sleep with the same lips
that you used to suck down all the poison curled into a pleasant, albeit
DRUNKEN, smile.
-+=END=+-

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G G
w _____ ____ 1 4 000 "A Story about You, the Reader" w
D // | \ 11 44 0 0 by Aardv@rk D
* || ____ | || | 1 444 0 0 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 4 0 0 issue #140 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 4 000 with a Twist -- of Lime" ***** 12/31/03 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Once upon a time, there was this guy (or gal, though masculine pronouns will
be used throughout this text) who sat on his ass all day, playing on his
computer. He didn't think of it as playing, but that's what it was. He read,
mostly. He read news and he read "blogs."
He also read things called "textfiles" that he found on the web. Y'see,
there're a lot of groups that publish these things; some call them "e-zines."
Most of them have silly titles that may or may not be abbreviated by sillier
acronyms (e.g. "The Neo-Comintern," "doomed to obscurity (aka dto),"
"Angstmonster," and "GREENY world Domination (aka GwD)").
He read these textfiles. He followed the musings of
teens/20-/30-/40-/etc.-somethings about various topics. Lots of rants, lots
of whining, lots of crap. He learned to be an 31337 hax0r; he learned to
make bombs and to be anti-social. He read song lyrics; he read crappy poetry.
He read stories by idiots with stupid names like "Aardv@rk." He didn't do
much of anything else.
Man, that guy was a tool.
Seriously.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#140 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMIII Aardv@rk/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMIII GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :WOOGIE + WOOGIE:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
ASMD -> http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org <- ASMD
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD

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G G
w _____ ____ 1 4 1 "Hawaiian Punch" w
D // | \ 11 44 11 by Frank Ferra, P.I. D
* || ____ | || | 1 444 1 *
G || || \ / | || | 1 4 1 issue #141 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 4 111 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 05/05/05 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
"Guess how many empty Hawaiian Punch bottles will fit in my car?"
"How many?"
"300."
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#141 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMV Frank Ferra, P.I./GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMV GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :EAT YOUR FINGER:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD

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G G
w _____ ____ 1 4 222 "Patriachalism, Progeny and Pain: w
D // | \ 11 44 2 Adrienne Rich and the Prison D
* || ____ | || | 1 444 222 of Marriage" by fastjack *
G || || \ / | || | 1 4 2 issue #142 of "GwD: The American Dream G
w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 4 222 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 05/05/05 w
D D
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
"Snapshot of a Daughter-in-Law" is Adrienne Rich's poem of the burden of
domesticity and the feelings of helplessness she suffered through during her
marriage. Rich examines her marriage through her poetry to give herself the
voice she lacked as a mother of three and homemaker in the 1950's. Rich
herself recounts the experience in _Arts of the Possible_ by saying "I had a
sense that women didn't talk to each other much in the fifties-not about their
secret emptiness, their frustrations" (Rich 19-20). Her writing throughout
1958-60 in "Snapshots" was "...a longer looser mode than I'd ever trusted
myself with before" (Rich 23). Outside of the realm of traditional formality
in her verse, such as that used in "Aunt Jennifer's Tigers" she was able to
express frustration in a more compelling, more truthful way. The poem moves
through several parts, 10 "stanzas" in all and explores a variety of themes.
Stanza 1 is about loss of beauty and tradition. Rich's voice in this seems to
be addressing herself and her mother simultaneously. She speaks of "You,
once a belle in Shreveport with henna-colored hair, skin like a peachbud,
still have your dresses copied from that time" (Rich 1-3). Her mother, a
southern belle, is unable to leave behind the traditions of old. Her dresses
remain fixed, flowing antebellum styles that emphasized femininity through use
of binding corsetry, awkward shoes and acres of lace. Her mother's skin was
like that of a peach flower and surely like that of a peach, easily bruised,
needing to be carried softly in padded containers, wary of bruising from the
sharp edges of the world.
In the second and third parts of stanza 1, Rich's voice seems to speak
more of her present situation. She moves from the past of her mother's life
and into hers, still keeping her mother involved. Her mother's mind "molders
like wedding-cake, heavy with useless experience, rich with suspicion, rumor,
fantasy" (Rich 7-9), bringing to mind parlors of southern women gossiping
about who did what at the latest cotillion or box social. Those days are
gone, yet surely her mother remembers all the whispered half-truths, giggled
innuendos that marked southern social life. More than her mother however,
Rich is "crumbling to pieces under the knife-edge of mere fact. In the prime
of your life" (Rich 10-11). Both Rich and her mother should be in the prime
of their life, her mother causally remembering the gold of her past, while
Rich should be enjoying her role as a mother and homemaker. Both of them
instead are cut by that "knife edge" that is the reality of "mere fact".
Instead of being able to enjoy what she has accomplished according to societal
norms, the poet has become nervous and angry in her repetition of daily
chores, doing the dishes and going her own way in the last two lines of
stanza 1.
Stanza 2 takes on a decidedly darker note. It is filled with imagery of
depression, self-mutilation, schizophrenia and disassociation. The poetry
begins with the daughter-in-law "Banging the coffee-pot in the sink" (Rich 14)
like a child slamming doors to express rage at its parents that cannot be
articulated. Immediately "she hears the angels chiding" (Rich 15) her to do
things that are decidedly un-angelic. Rich's angels command her to be
selfish, to give in to lust and gluttony and to forgo her care for others as
she is the only one worth saving. They tell her to cast off the shackles of
marriage and run to be truly free.
Hearing angels could be seen as an entry into a dissociative state, which is
characteristic of deteriorating mental health. These dissociative states are
"an altered state of consciousness akin to physical and emotional anesthesia"
(Strong 2) and are often characteristic when the sufferer feels powerless or
out of control of their life. Rich writes "Sometimes she's let the tapstream
scald her arm, / a match burn to her thumbnail, / or held her hand above the
kettle's snout / right in the wooly steam." (Rich 20-3). The infliction of
physical pain is common as a method to control mental anguish. Researcher
Armando Favassa argues "Cutting...gives people a way to manage inner
states, converting chaos to calm, powerlessness to control" (Strong 43).
Self-mutilation, like poetry, is a secret language; difficult to understand or
comprehend from the outside without training in finding meaning. Stanza 2
ends with Rich noting that the only part of her that retains the capability of
feeling pain is her eyes. The eyes are the windows to the soul, the witnesses
to her station in life, the way she is able to observe her loss of feeling and
self and yet the pain they feel is that of irritation caused by grit, not the
deeper pain she knows in inside of her.
Stanza 3 changes gears into a meditation about nightmares, reproductive
freedom, female empowerment and internecine conflict between women. Rich
states, "A thinking woman sleeps with monsters" (Rich 36). The thinking she
does during the day when performing domestic duties has begun to bleed over
into her dreams. Her subconscious is now at the fore and the monsters she
sublimates during the day are able to move freely throughout her sleeping
hours. "The beak that grips her, she becomes" (Rich 37) brings to mind the
mouths of baby birds feeding from the beak of their mother. Those beaks, her
children, become the ties that bind and hold her in the nest unable to fly
free as a bird can.
Reproductive rights and the ability of a woman to control her destiny as she
would her womb surface in line 31. The reader sees "the female pills, the
terrible breasts" (Rich 31) and knows that it talks about motherhood. This
line has some interesting parallels with Eliot's _The Wasteland_, wherein two
women speak: "It's them pills I took, to bring it off, she said. / (She's had
five already, and nearly died of young George.) / The chemist said it would be
all right, but I've never been the / same" (Eliot 159-62). Is Rich speaking
of abortion and breast milk that would never be drunk by a child? More likely
she is speaking of Norethindrone, the first female contraceptive invented two
years before "Snapshots" was started, and which gave women an unprecedented
amount of sexual freedom. When Austrian-American Carl Jerassi created
"The Pill," he gave women control over the thing that had been the
responsibility of men: pregnancy.
Rich takes female empowerment themes farther with her invocation of Boadicea
in line 32. Boadicea, the legendary female warrior who led her people in
revolt against Gaius Caligula, a sexually depraved and corrupt man, is
pictured crouching beneath orchids and foxheads. The warrior woman's power is
concealed beneath a decidedly feminine floral arrangement. The ability of a
woman to be powerful is further evidenced in the translation of Bodicea's
name: She who brings victory.
From her examination of what could be possible for a woman to achieve Rich
shows the reader what she sees currently among women: "Two handsome women,
gripped in argument, / each proud, acute, subtle, I hear scream / across the
cut glass and majolica / like Furies cornered from their prey" (Rich 33-6).
Women, who have so much power hidden under the orchids of potential fail to
use it, instead they squabble and bicker. Ad feminam is defined as "Appealing
to irrelevant personal considerations concerning women, especially
prejudices," and Rich brings the point home to her readers. She takes the
knives that other women have stabbed her in the back with and drives them
right back into the source. There seems to be puzzlement in Rich's voice in
stanza 3, comparing women to Furies and noting that the knives they stab one
another with are rusted, which is indicative of old fights. The last lines of
the poem further underline this as Rich calls women "ma semblable, ma souer!"
(Rich 39), (my similar, my sisters) is a desperate cry to unity.
The author continues on in this vein in stanza 4, with the admission that
women, and Rich herself see this disunity in each other. That women know the
gifts that lie dormant in them fail to come to fruition is a spiritual thorn,
continually being sharpened by frustration. Rich knows that in herself as
well as others they remain tied to domestic tasks, sedentary lifestyles
"Reading while waiting/ for the iron to heat, / writing" (Rich 43-4) and
failing to strike while the iron is hot, when change should happen. The
reader would be remiss not to notice that what Rich is writing is "My Life has
stood-a Loaded Gun-" (Rich 45), and that she is like that loaded gun: Ready
to go off and cause damage, to burst free as bullet leaves a chamber. Jellies
that sit static in a pantry, yet still have the energy to boil and scum, to
continue chemical reactions and putrefy, emphasize the motion implied in the
gun. The writer is "iron-eyed and beaked and purposed as a bird" (Rich 48) to
show again that she wants to fly free, but instead continues to be weighted
with the tedium of "dusting everything on the whatnot every day of life"
(Rich 49).
Stanza 5 is a short stanza about what Rich is supposed to do, and what she is
supposed to present to the world: she is supposed to have a sweet smile and a
sweet laugh, to shave her legs to be beautiful to her husband. The act of
shaving makes her legs shine like a mammoth tusk, and like a mammoth tusk she
should be as delicate and unreachable as a museum exhibit. She is also a
prisoner of the old concepts of groomed beauty as surely as the tusk is a
prisoner of the velvet ropes that hold it on a pedestal.
Stanza 6 gives Rich's feminine side a chance to shine through. In the first
part she shows us Corinna who is able to play the lute. Corinna is Rich, with
her gift of music equaling Rich's gift for words. Of course the gift, the
power of this talent is still seen in a man's eye. Her gift is a pale
imitation of what men are. "...Corinna, following in the footsteps of men,
cannot call her music her own, just as a woman writer attempting to imitate
the masters denies her own literary voice" (Dixon 3).
Rich continues to use a bird as a symbol showing it "Poised, trembling and
unsatisfied, before / and unlocked door, that cage of cages," (Rich 60-1) and
although the door is not bolted it forms a prison nonetheless. Her
"fertilisante douleur", her pain is absolute and paralyzing and she is kept
there by preconceived ideas of "love" and "natural action". Nature has shown
her the household books, the ledgers of what should be done that she never
bothered to show to men, and this knowledge continues to hold Rich, no matter
how she struggles or hurts.
Stanza 7 begins with a quotation by "a woman" that Rich does not name. The
reader could assume that it is the voice of Rich taken from outside the poem
to make a point. The quotation tells the reader that one must have something
rock solid to cling to in life, in order to make it bearable. The author had
her life as a housewife, but it was her life as a writer that she was able to
keep as something that was the bedrock of life. Rich, by remaining in her
life of domestic toil is only partly brave or good and understands only part
of her world. She is conflicted by her desire to fly and the need to stay as
taught by society. Rich, however, in trying to reconcile these two parts of
her soul is trying to understand her life whereas "Few men about her would or
could do more," (Rich 75). The backlash because she tries to understand and
make vocal her problems with this life causes those outside of her to label
her with hateful names.
Rich begins stanza 8 with a quote, presumably from _Enlightenment_ writer
Denis Diderot. In it Diderot states that she/women will die at fifteen which
was considered a marriageable age for young women. Eyes, the window to the
soul, are being closed and then blanketed with steam. The eyes are obscured
in two ways, doubling the sense of loss that Rich must have felt at the time.
She goes on to write that "all that we might have been,/ all that we
were-fire, tears, wit, taste, martyred ambition-" (Rich 81-3). These fine
things are tamped down in order to make a new life with a man, but still they
stir at the bottom of memory, waiting to come to the fore of life. The
daughter-in-law has sacrificed her ambition and passions to the "normal" life
that she was always told to have, and this becomes more apparent as mid-life
with flagging and possibly sagging bosom reminds her of what was.
Stanza 9 gives the reader further insight into Rich's conception of the male
dominated world. Even time is a male, prone to slip into his cups while
looking at women as invalids or saluting only their beauty, never their minds.
Their body is what matters to time and history although their bodies are weak,
only for display. Time only praises half-hearted attempts by women and sees
them as slatterns who are to be forgiven for simple transgressions. Of
course, as Rich is quick to point out, those who dare to cast off that mold or
to strike out on their own must fear retribution. The author brings the
horrors of war into the household as graphic examples of what waits for women
who "cast too bold a shadow", confinement, tear gas, shelling. It is
interesting that Rich uses as punishment those things that men typically use
against other men, taking the post World War II violence that many of them may
have brought home with them and opening the home makers life to them.
"Snapshots of a Daughter-in-Law" ends with Rich giving in to some of her
thoughts of escapism and perhaps a small jibe at the longer form she used in
the poem. It begins with "Well, / she's long about her coming, who must be /
more merciless to herself than history" (Rich 108-10). The poem draws to a
close and Rich is telling the reader that she is the one who has to deal with
all of these conflicting emotions, and that nothing history can say about her
will ever equal the conclusions she had to reach by herself. One startling
shift in her voice is the change from a bird wanting to be free to a
helicopter. The reader could see a bird gracefully flapping to gain altitude
and fly away whereas a helicopter literally beats the air into submission with
its rotors. A helicopter flies not by working within the natural realm as
birds to, but by rising through sheer force. A helicopter is a mechanized,
powerful, masculine thing. Rich's cargo is not a nebulous promise but
something real and concrete, that can be held and delivered. Most importantly
she calls the promise "ours" (Rich 122) showing that she was able to escape
and so can other women.
-Works Cited-
Bunch, Bryan. _The History of Science and Technology: A browser's guide to
the great discoveries inventions and the people who made them from the
dawn of time to today_. New York: Houghton Mifflin Co., 2004. (p 565).
Eliot, T.S. _The Wasteland_. Michael North ed. New York: Norton Critical
Editions, 2001.
Miller, Dusty. _Women who Hurt Themselves: A book of Hope and
Understanding_. New York: Basic Books, 1994.
Rich, Adrienne. _Arts of the Possible_. New York: W.W. Norton and Co.,
2001.
Scott, Manda. _Dreaming the Eagle_. New York: Bantam Dell, 2003.
Southam, B.C. _A Guide to the Selected Poems of T.S. Eliot_ sixth ed.
Orlando: Harcourt and Brace, 1996.
Strong, Marilee. _A Bright Red Scream: Self Mutilation and the language of
pain_. New York: Penguin Books, 1998.
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Issue#142 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMV fastjack/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMV GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :EAT YOUR FINGER:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
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w _____ ____ 1 4 333 "Pillows" w
D // | \ 11 44 3 by Bob the Master of the World D
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I'd like to tell the story of a man named Jack Irrelland. When Jack was a
small boy, growing up on the West Coast, his mother would often take him on
walks about the neighborhood. On these walks, a man would often walk in front
of them with his dog. This man was a large specimen, of Mongo-Jonesian
proportions. As Jack was but a little fellow, he could see only one thing
during these walks, this man's enormous buttocks. And day after day, week
after week, Jack fell in love with those buttocks and hoped that he would
someday have buttocks like those.
The years passed, and Jack blossomed into a respectable looking human being.
However, he lacked the one physical asset he craved, those gargantuan gluteal
muscles. He looked about for means of obtaining this feature, the object of
his early love. Due to his heritage, his parents only bought a reasonable
amount of food, so that he could not consume vast quantities of food in an
effort to enlarge himself in the hope of consequently enlarging his buttocks.
One night, as he lay in his bed, he became frustrated with the apparent
futility of his quest. He took his pillow and began beating on to relieve his
frustration, when he stumbled upon his solution. Jack quickly moved to his
closet and retrieved a large pair of pants, a foolish purchase that he made
while in the grips of his buttocks lust. He put the pants on, though they fit
him not. He took his two full-sized pillows and placed one on each back side
of the pants. Eureka! Jack now had the buttocks he long desired.
Fortunately for Jack, his parents were moving soon, so he wouldn't have to
explain his new appearance to his classmates. His parents were unconcerned,
as they had long thought their son a sort of queerish little man. Jack went
on to earn to attend a prestigious law school on the West Coast. He
encountered a few difficulties at the school, mostly with finding seating that
could accommodate his large artificial posterior. He found life in the city
inconvenient after his transformation. In time, Jack grew to love the sea,
seeing in it a vastness that could easily deal with his newfound girth in a
way the land never could. Thus, Jack decided to specialize in maritime law,
and after three years he graduated.
Proceeding on to the next duly appointed stage in life, Jack was wed. Before
he had a chance to conceive a child, however, the government approached him
and asked if he would take on one of their agents, a small, powerful man who
had an uncanny resemblance to a young girl, as their child. Jack, honored to
serve his country, took on the government agent, and with his wife, relocated
to Lubbock, TX, a city ironically nicknamed Lowbuttocks.
Jack began to teach at a local high school, where he soon encountered his
arch-enemy, another boy that Jack's parents might have referred to as a
"queerish little man." This arch-enemy was mocked by Jack, though unbeknownst
to Jack, he was already a ruler of the earth. They battled long and often,
but the arch-enemy's greatest victory came in the discovery of Jack's darkest
secret: the truth behind his fattish backside. He exposed Jack to his fellow
classmates, and the name "Pillows" began to be whispered in every bathroom
stall and lunch line. Jack, devastated by this discovery, knew that he must
flee Lubbock, lest his other secret, the harboring of a government agent, be
revealed as well. Thus, on some rather ridiculous pretense of dissatisfaction
with his employment, Jack returned to the West Coast, with his wife and the
government agent in tow.
Did Jack's secret ever lead to his doom? What was the government agent's
mission, and did he ever succeed? What brand and type of pillows did he use,
and how often did he need to replace them? Alas, these questions must be
answered by a different hand. I leave you with this short verse, composed by
the arch-enemy on the eve of Jack's flight from Lubbock:
O Pillows, why do you run?
The time for fear is done
Remove those foolish things
We'll forgive everything
O Pillows, you look absurd
Though you went to Stanford
You won't escape my dominion
Though Spain sank into oblivion
O Pillows, what will you do?
The pillows cannot save you
One day they will get flat
Then where will you be at?
Admittedly, the verse is terrible, but the arch-enemy wasn't too bright,
though he did discover the pillows. Let this tale be a lesson to all those
who become enamored with the giant ass of a girthful man: one day your secret
will be discovered, and you must hide in shame with your wife and government
agent.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#143 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMV Bob the Master of the World/GwD Pubz /---------------\
copyright (c) MMV GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :EAT YOUR FINGER:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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w _____ ____ 1 4 4 "On Social Stigmata: w
D // | \ 11 44 44 Jesus, Magic, and Ciacco the Hog" D
* || ____ | || | 1 444 444 by Dr. Dr. Otis, M.D. *
G || || \ / | || | 1 4 4 issue #144 of _GwD: The American Dream G
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*** ABSTRACT ***
In this treatise, I will examine the growing phenomenon known as Social
Stigmata. Our fellow dr00g, Ciacco the Hog, suffered a severe bout of Social
Stigmata recently, so it seems timely to investigate social Stigmata now.
This treatise is unique in the literature. Despite an exhaustive search, I
have been unable to find any legitimate research into this topic. The basics
of Social Stigmata are discussed, conclusions are drawn, and a case study is
provided in an effort to explain actions that can be taken to alleviate the
effects of the disorder.
*** KEYWORDS ***
Stigmata; social setting; social situation; blood; bleeding; gut;
psychobabble; anxiety; social anxiety disorder; drugs; wounds of Christ;
crucifixion; cruci-fiction; dr00gscience; pseudo-science; religious
manifestations in public places
*** INTRODUCTION ***
Despite vigorous research on the topic, I have been unable to uncover even one
article in the literature that discusses Social Stigmata of this sort. There
are a multitude of references to "social stigmata" (note the lowercase "s"),
but this is merely because the plural of "stigma" is "stigmata," and the
definitions of "social stigma" are well established in the literature (1-3 and
many others). In this article, I will discuss Social Stigmata (capital "S"),
referring to The Stigmata.
*** BACKGROUND ***
The Stigmata are the wounds that the Romans made when they allegedly pounded
nails into the hands and feet of Jesus of Nazareth (5). Also included as
Stigmata are the wounds to the head, back, and side that were allegedly
suffered by the aforementioned Nazarene from a crown of thorns, lashing, and
a spear. Thus, The Stigmata are not just any old garden-variety "stigmata;"
They are Worthy Of Capitalization because They relate to the one that is
called I Am.
Incidentally, The Stigmata have been referenced in popular culture (6-7 and
many others that are less-worthy of mention here; and you know that they then
must be pretty crappy...the Ministry song is decent, but the movie is
forgettable and little more than a 2 hour music video).
Social Stigmata occur when someone experiences The Stigmata in a social
setting. Not just this, actually, but when the social setting brings on The
Stigmata. Whereas the standard introvert will merely sweat when forced to
interact with people at a party, the Social Stigmatic will begin to bleed
from his/her hands, feet, head, back, and side. As a result of this bleeding,
people usually recoil from the Social Stigmatic with equal parts horror and
disgust. Then, other party-goers summon a large, ogreish fellow named Rocco
to eject the Social Stigmatic from the proceedings.
The causes of Social Stigmata are many and varied. These include:
hemophilia, devout and irrational Christianity, listening to Linkin Park, and
prostitutes (see this author's "Call for Legalized Prostitution" (4)). When
you elicit the services of a prostitute, make sure that you bring some of your
closest friends with you. Have them surround the prostitute. If she begins
bleeding, it means one of two things: 1. she has a serious venereal disease
or 2. she has Social Stigmata. Either way, you would be well-advised to keep
your distance, or it could get messy.
*** CONCLUSIONS ***
You do not need to fear the Social Stigmatic. Sure, if the Social Stigmatic
has AIDS, you will probably get infected and die. But look at Magic Johnson;
he allegedly has AIDS, but you still see him strutting his stuff. Other than
the possibility of death, what else is there to worry about? You might get
some of his blood on your pants, but those pants are probably already stained
by someone else's seminal fluids (after all, you're at a party when the Social
Stigmatic reveals himself).
*** DEALING WITH A SOCIAL STIGMATIC ***
If you or someone you know is a Social Stigmatic, do not be alarmed. Follow
these easy steps and all will be well. However, proceed with caution.
1) Isolate the Social Stigmatic. C'mon, bleeding everywhere? That's just
gross.
2) Force the Social Stigmatic to eat large quantities of food. Social
Stigmata can be cured by morbid obesity. Remember that, kids.
*** CASE STUDY ***
To depict the proper response to an outburst of Social Stigmata, consider how
we handled Ciacco the Hog. He showed up at GwD Fest 2005 and was swarmed by
several newly-inducted dr00gs who had grown up inspired by his masterpiece
"Remembering Porkins" (6). Suddenly, Ciacco's hands and feet began to bleed.
Lobo Licious and Bob the Master of the World, recognizing the signs of
Social Stigmata from their days in psych-divinity school, parted the crowd
and forced Ciacco to eat lots and lots of food. Ciacco began to grow calm,
as his gut, Nigel, commanded him to calm down.
The two imperial dr00gs continued to feed Ciacco until Nigel ruptured. While
the rupturing was far more disgusting than his bleeding had been, at least
Ciacco's hands and feet no longer bore The Stigmata. It should thus be noted
that while consumption of mass quantities of food can cure (or at least
assuage the symptoms of) Social Stigmata, it can itself have dangerous side
effects.
*** REFERENCES ***
1. "Social stigma," _Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia_, 06:04 UTC, 31 March
2005, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stigmata (25 April 2005).
2. "Holy See calls for banishing of 'social stigma' against AIDS victims",
Catholic News Agency World Wide Web Site, 25 November 2004,
http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/new.php?n=2547 (25 April 2005).
3. Ellison, M.A. and J.E. Hall, "Social stigma and compounded losses:
quality-of-life issues for multiple-birth families," _Fertility and
Sterility_, Volume 80, Issue 2, Pages 405-414.
4. Dr. Dr. Otis, "Sex without Strings: A Call for Legalized Prostitution,"
_GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime_ Issue #124,
17 May 2002, http://www.greeny.org/media/text/gwd124.txt (25 April 2005).
5. "Stigmata," _Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia_, 16:53 UTC, 25 April 2005,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stigmata (25 April 2005).
6. Ministry, "Stigmata," Perf. Ministry. _The Land of Rape and Honey_,
Warner Brothers, 1988.
7. _Stigmata_, dir. Rupert Wainwright, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios, 1999.
8. Ciacco the Hog, "Remembering Porkins," _GwD: The American Dream with a
Twist -- of Lime_ Issue #134, 10 June 2003,
http://www.greeny.org/media/text/gwd134.txt (25 April 2005).
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#144 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMV Dr. Dr. Otis, M.D./GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMV GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :EAT YOUR FINGER:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 4 555 with a Twist -- of Lime" * rel 05/05/05 w
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Let's get something clear here. You are not a "Spiritual Person." You have
no concept of the higher glory of the spirit. You mix new age bullshit with
old time religion and you create this deity, this beard in the clouds who
gives a damn about you. You blithely assume that because the prohibition
against bacon is out the window that you can pick and choose from the Old
Testament, and further, you seem to think that just because you own a book on
Angels and live in what is termed a "Christian Nation" that you have some kind
of one up on the rest of the universe.
Somehow, this twisted mish-mash of various and sundry spirituality seems to
grant you insight into the higher order of the universe. You're like this
knucklehead (URL no longer resolves, alas). Somehow, you think that even when
you live (metaphorically) in the home of an ex-Waffen SS officer, near a
concentration camp where thousands of people died, that some angel or ghost or
ghost of an angel is going to swoop down from the heavenly host and change
some traffic lights so you make it to work on time. Let's try to clarify this
a bit: You think that a being of divine creation that spends its time
praising God for all eternity or destroying cities that happen to be rife with
wickedness has the time in their celestial Day Runner to make sure your
fucking nonfat mochachino is ready quickly so that you don't miss the fucking
trailers at the vapid and empty film you are going to see? You think they
found your keys today? While people die of starvation all over the world on a
daily basis, you think that an angel took the time out of their day to make
sure your huge ass didn't have to walk through three rooms to find the keys to
your SUV? And you honestly believe this because it said it in a book you got
on the bargain spirituality table at your local faceless book emporium? The
one right next to the tarot cards? The tarot cards that are pretty much a no
go in YOUR BIBLE?
Well, here's the problem. You are an idiot. Well, maybe not an idiot, I'm
feeling charitable. There was a can of Vienna Sausages in the cabinet I
didn't know about, so at least I get dinner tonight. No, you are gullible.
You assume that because something is wrapped in shiny words, it must be good.
If the back cover of someone's books says they have a PhD in angelology, well
it must be good. Obviously, they did eight years of school to get that
degree, and since we've established you lack the capability to ask yourself,
"Is there really a PhD in angelology?" they must be learned. You would go out
of your way to pick up a book that says it's used by the military and purports
to hold great secrets
(http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?isbn=0938294369).
You assume that what it says on the cover is true. It's a mystical book so it
must be kept from the normal people like yourself who would only use it for
good. Obviously, it is a secret the warmongers want to keep to themselves.
Bullshit. I was in the Army and I can tell you this: I can put a 120mm tank
round into a mouse ass from four thousand meters, I can call artillery onto a
busload of children with nothing but a pair of binoculars and my hand, I can
clean a latrine so well that your guardian angel would take a day off to
admire it, but I sure as fuck can't make myself invisible.
You want to be spiritual, you read the Bible. You want that connection to a
deity, then you just say, "OK, this is my commitment. I don't do bad things,
I aspire to live like Jesus." That's it, that's all there is to it. You
don't buy books and cards and candles and hope to learn some mystical shit.
That isn't spirituality, that is signing up to be a magician's assistant.
Done.
Ok, I can't talk at you anymore. It always makes my chest hurt and my left
arm go numb. You're a jerk.
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#145 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
copyright (c) MMV fastjack/GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMV GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :EAT YOUR FINGER:
a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD

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_.---[ EPISODE III: RETURN OF the GwD ]----------------------------._
/ .----------------------------------------------------------------. \
| | ______ ____________ ___ ________ | |
| | / _____|____ ____| / \ | ____ \ | |
| | ( (___ | | / \ | |____) ) | |
| | \____ \ | | / ^ \ | __ / | |
| |________________) ) | | / /~~~\ \ | | \ \ ___________| |
| __________________/ |__|__/__/ __\__\|__| \______________ |
| ___________ \ / / \ | ____ \ / _____________ |
| | \ \ __ / / \ | |____) ) ( (___ | |
| | \ \ / \ / / ^ \ | __ / \____ \ | |
| | \ ` /\ ' / /~~~\ \ | | \ \ _______) ) | |
| | \__/ \__/__/ \__\|__| \____________/ | |
| | | |
\ `----------------------------------------------------------------' /
`------------------------------------------------------[ Special ]---'
----- GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime ***** Issue # 146 -----
----- release date: 05-05-05 -----
\____________________________________________________________________________/
/ \
Not so long ago, right here in our scuzz-bucket of a galaxy, three movies
changed the world. Now, the STAR WARS saga is continuing, and we're here to
get our names associated with it in any way we can. That's right, "GwD: The
American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" is continuing in its self-proclaimed
role as THE unOFFICIAL STAR WARS E-ZINE. This here is the third installment,
aptly titled,
"EPISODE III: RETURN OF the GwD STAR WARS Special."
The stuff in this file is from a few sources. No copyright infringement is
intended. We merely feel that this stuff is worthy of preservation. Authors
are credited where we know who wrote this stuff. For posterity, my friends,
we're saving this crap for posterity.
It should be noted that the content of this issue of THE GwD STAR WARS SPECIAL
is much more cynical and jaded than the last two. That is largely due to the
fact that we haven't been inundated with Star Wars-related forwards this time.
That's also due to the fact that many of us have a love-hate relationship with
Lucas's creation.
\____________________________________________________________________________/
/ \
<- CONTENTS ->
I. GENERAL STAR WARS
a. 'fastjack and Lobo Licious discuss Star Wars and George Lucas'
b. 'JUST A FEW OF THE REASONS WHY STAR WARS IS BETTER THAN REAL LIFE
II. EPISODE THREE
a. 'Star Wars Episode III Trailer by Jaffo'
\____________________________________________________________________________/
/ \
-=> I. GENERAL STAR WARS <=-
---------------------
-> a. fastjack and Lobo Licious discuss Star Wars
fj: Well, I did go into an hour long rant yesterday at work about my problems
with timeline continuity in Star Wars between EP 3 and EP 4. It was
baaaaaaaad. I used words like "canon" and "dilution of the brand if the Zahn
books get made into film". I mean bad. I stopped at one point and went "What
the hell did I just say?"
LL: <laughs> I think the probability of making the zahn books into films
approaches zero. Also, I read that there's going to be 2 Star Wars tv series
(serieses?), both of which (I think) take place between ep3 and 4. Though I
could be full of shit about the books. And about the shows.
fj: Yeah. Those shows would, in my opinion, blast the timeline further.
However, as I keep saying, my relationship is like a wife who gets beat. I'll
just keep going back.
LL: That's really bad. But funny.
fj: Well, it's true. No matter how bad the films, I keep going back. I
mean, it's Star Wars. I remember that when EP 1 came out, it was on my
birthday, I had just split up with Nicole for the 1st time. Work sucked.
Life sucked. And I went with the assumption that it would be good based on
the trailers. Then, I watched a goddamn 7 hour race and was introduced to
"midicholrians". Whack, right in the eye. And yet, when EP2 came out I said
"I fell into a doorknob. I just want to be with George again."
LL: <laughs>
fj: These are the conversations my GF should never be privy to.
LL: You're probably right. So, maybe you shouldn't tell her about this
stuff.
fj: <laughs> You know, that's the best part. I joke about being a closet
geek, but later I tell her about it. She thinks I'm 1.) Hilarious. 2.)
Insane. She seems to be down with my nerdy stylee.
LL: Yeah, my wife is cool like that, too...definitely down with my nerd/geek
stuff.
fj: A rare quality, to be sure.
LL: Indeed. Lucky fellows are we.
-----
-> b. JUST A FEW OF THE REASONS WHY STAR WARS IS BETTER THAN REAL LIFE:
[Just to prove that we aren't totally cynical, we're including this tidbit we
found that doesn't assume that Episode III will suck OR compare Star Wars
addiction to an abusive relationship. -Ed.]
1. In real life, people drive "the Pacer", "the Pinto", and "the Station
Wagon"
In Star Wars, people drive "Speeder Bikes", "X-wing fighters", and "the
Millenium Falcon."
2. In real life, bar fights with strange looking people are often
looked at as bad and sinful;
In Star Wars, bar fights with strange looking creatures is heroic and
the way of the just Jedi Knight.
3. In real life, people that talk to small fuzzy creatures are called
crazy;
In Star Wars, people that talk to small fuzzy creatures are called
galactic ambassadors.
4. In real life, people who dress up in tight plastic/leather outfits are
considered tacky and queer;
In Star Wars, they're called "Storm Troopers" and are feared by all.
5. In real life, people often stink up the bathroom with their fecal odors,
toilet paper runs out, and people get diarrhea;
In Star Wars, no one has ever used the bathroom.
6. In real life, tall hairy, humanlike creatures are rarely seen by
backwoods alcoholics, and are named ridiculous things like "Bigfoot"
and "Sasquatch";
In Star Wars, tall hairy humanlike creatures are called Wookiees, and
have their own language, planet, social structure, and carry
formidable weaponry
7. In real life, people must deal with the problems of children;
In Star Wars, children do not exist.
8. In real life, it is often difficult to understand the languages of
others, such as 7-11 employees, fast food window operators, and
college profs.;
In Star Wars, everyone understands everybody, regardless of language
barriers.
9. In real life, the extremely obese are often sadly shunned by society;
In Star Wars, the extremely obese Jabba the Hutt is a pimp daddy, and
has his own sail barge, lounge room, and scantily clad female
dancers to keep him occupied--he is envied by all.
10. In real life, people often have problems doing simple mechanical things
like operating can openers, programming VCRs, and playing Nintendo;
In Star Wars, Droids do all the busy work in half the time.
11. In real life, some people are complete losers;
In Star Wars, everybody has a story to tell that's worth listening to.
12. In real life, people sometimes smell;
In Star Wars, people are never "ripe", and yet they need not shower.
MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU...
Yet Another E-Mail Sent By The International Junk Mail Clearinghouse (IJMC).
Unless otherwise specified, distribute freely. All questions, comments,
submissions, and requests should be directed to Dave at eatheror@netcom.com
IJMC WebPage - http://gsusgi2.gsu.edu/~stdmdix/ijmc/ijmc.html
This is Mac. \\\\|////
He wants to travel the world. ( O O )
Please add him to your .sig and help him. ---oOOo--U--oOOo---
\____________________________________________________________________________/
/ \
-=> II. EPISODE THREE <=-
------------------
-> "Episode III Trailer" by Jaffo
The Star Wars Episode III Trailer is out, and it basically gives away
everything.
I am consumed by anticipation and dread, as I wait for George Lucas to piss
away the last of my childhood memories.
We know it's going to suck; the rest is only a matter of degree.
My expectations have been spun so low at this point, I was actually impressed
by what I saw in the trailer. Not by the plot, which is certainly a lost
cause, but by the visuals, which are even cooler than I thought they would be.
I saw that trailer and thought, "Wow. I can't wait for the video game."
Jedi and Sith and Clone Troopers in all colors of the rainbow. Magnificent
set pieces and special effects that drop like candy from a digital pinata.
This movie is a two-hour music video composed by George Lucas and John
Williams. If I start practicing now, I should be able to ignore the plot
completely.
I'm excited about the Star Wars films, not for what they are now, but for what
I imagine they will be, in the interdeterminate future when Lucas is dead. I
want to write novels about an alternate Star Wars universe where Anakin
Skywalker was never born.
I want to see the movies that should have been made in the past ten years.
Basically, Lucas gave in to his worst instincts and ignored the human element
that made his films such a success.
I said it once, I'll say it a thousand times. These films should have been
about the life of Han Solo, the rise and fall of an Imperial Officer, driven
by conscience, and the love of a Wookiee, to turn away from his government
and strike out on his own.
Forget all this Jedi crap and send the Brits back to London. That's the story
I want to see.
Fortunately, someone has already written a great story in the Star Wars
universe. It's call Knights of the Old Republic, and a sequel is on the
way...
George Lucas may not know how to handle his universe, but Obsidian does, and
the future belongs to the fans.
- http://www.michaelduff.net/ -
\____________________________________________________________________________/
/ \
(NOTE: STAR WARS and related terms are registered trademarks of
Lucasfilm Ltd.
If you don't know what we mean by "related terms," you are a deprived
soul who should kindly fuck off.
Oh yeah, and all registered trademarks are used without permission,
but since this is a free e-zine, it wouldn't really be worthwhile to
sue us, would it?
So there. SO THERE. CHACH.
Despite all of this, Star Wars is cool and it always will be.)
\____________________________________________________________________________/
/ \
--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
Issue#146 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
distributed MMV GwD Publications /---------------\
copyright (c) MMV Original Authors-no infringement intended :HUMANITY SUCKS.:
presented by The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD

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